23 → comes the sun, out of mist and fog

[crimson_seeker]

It finally smells like proper autumn. The horses are happy, at least; though clearing their grazing of giant oak leaves is more of a chore than I'd have thought. Seems they're just falling all of a sudden. Was it this bad last autumn

Comments

--> quicklog

[crimson_seeker]

I'll meet you at Access Point then.

-------

[As promised, Hawk is well in time, waiting as close beside the elevator doors as possible without being in the way of passersby. There is much he needs to put out of his mind before this meeting: while things have calmed down, many things remain to trouble him the moment he has any time for idle thoughts. So, he keeps busy best as he can, even with time off from his proper work.

When Stellaris emerges from the elevator, he doesn't rush to her immediately, against his own first instinct. Instead, he raises a hand in greeting, trying to smooth his expression into one as easy as he can manage.] Hey.

quicklog

[crimson_seeker]

Damn straight. [He canted his head, chin dipping, but the warm amusement in his voice was evident now.] And I should know, shouldn't I?

[Hawk gestured towards the path that wound out from the rope bridge towards the northern part of Melee Island.] Shall we go then? Or have you got something else to stun me with before we get there?

Re: quicklog

[lingeringlegacy]

There is one thing I recently found out. My name in that world. [It came from Nothing instead of a memory, but the epiphany felt the same. Perhaps later she'd tell him more about the kidnapping, but this went first.] It's Anew.

quicklog

[crimson_seeker]

[This time, his brief laugh sounded full of relief, but he grew serious then. The gift of a name was no small thing, for all that Hawk had found his own and eschewed using it.]

Anew. Short and sweet. It has a good sound. Is that your own name, or the name of your family?

Re: quicklog

[lingeringlegacy]

You think so? [A smile graced her lips, warm but not jovial.] It feels more fitting as an own name, but I don't know yet. At the moment, though, I still feel more comfortable being called by what I had chosen myself. Stellaris.

quicklog

[crimson_seeker]

Yeah. I thought the same about mine when I first heard it. It's...

[He lapsed into a silence for a while as they walked, at Stellaris's slower-than-usual pace, towards the house.]

I thought it was the name of a man who'd gone to a good death, and I was alive. I don't know how much of me still is Kouei.

And now I'm a touch tempted to ask if you think you're still Anew.

Re: quicklog

[lingeringlegacy]

[As the subject was breached, melancholy continued pervading her smile until it was barely there.] It wouldn't be fair to pretend I know the entirety of who Anew was, just from glimpses into the past. She made choices, good and bad, which eventually put her in confrontation against the person she loved more than anything. She was about to turn that mistake around, when someone... or something took her choices away. I never got to remember how it turned out.

Anew is a part of me, of that I'm sure. But your question is something I know not the answer for, Hawk-ge.

quicklog

[crimson_seeker]

[The weight of her past self on her shoulders was evident, yet it was again a different burden from the one Hawk himself carried, or the one Huo did. She had loved Lyle in that life--the person she spoke of was easy to guess.

Took her choices away. The words sent a chill unfurling through him, even as there was a flash of warmth at her address to him.]

Took her choices from her. That's why you... [He didn't finish, just laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, slowing his steps but not stopping.] We don't need to speak more of this.

Re: quicklog

[lingeringlegacy]

[He had seen her sorrow, her fears, and now she told him why, if just the gist. Stellaris closed her eyes for a moment when the comforting hand made contact.]

I know now what I fear. But... yes, there can be no good in dwelling, can it?

[Even when at home, in the effort towards not dwelling, it felt like she and Lyle had gotten more quiet with each other. It saddened her, but everything needed time.]

quicklog

[crimson_seeker]

It's easier to look your fears in the eye when they have a face.

[It was perhaps cruel in itself that she'd had to face a horrible memory in order to even know the reason for her fright, but you could conquer what you knew. The unnameable was far more terrifying.]

I'm no wiser than you on this front, Stellaris-mèi. Sometimes words are needed. Sometimes, just time. If I knew which, well--things would be easier in many ways.

ack, I thought I've replied to this

[lingeringlegacy]

...They don't. [Stellaris shook her head mildly, a trial of a smile on her lips. Hawk was trying to empathize, it appeared, but there was still missing pieces she had yet to discover.] I just- Maybe I will remember it someday, since hitting where it hurts is something the realm revels in. Or maybe I won't for a while, because they're dead, the ones with the memory crystals... I can only try to get stronger to accept what may come.

[crimson_seeker]

[Hawk only nodded, in acceptance of her gauge of the situation.]

I don't always know which is better, memory or ignorance. All of mine have... have had pain as part of them. I still chose to pick them up. I know that isn't always a choice, either, but... you've weathered this. And you're strong. That I know, as well.

[lingeringlegacy]

There was once when I thought I knew the answer... but knowing you don't know is part of the learning, I guess. And I can be strong. Thanks to you, and Huo, and Lyle and 00 and everyone else.

[She took his hand as they continued walking. The house came into view.]

quicklog - almost seems like a good place to stop?

[crimson_seeker]

[He wound his fingers carefully around hers in answer. He'd been prepared to support her if she tired, but the clasp of hands seemed a different sort of support: not one to compensate for a physical lack, but rather to affirm a connection between them.]

That sounds good to me. I don't know if Huo's made it home, but I think about right now would be a good time to sit down with a cup of tea and speak of lighter things.

quicklog - sounds like it!

[lingeringlegacy]

Mm, that'd be lovely.

[She nodded. Hand in hand they closed in to the tranquil little abode.]