The Songs - YabuHika, HikaNoo
Title: The Songs
Word Count: 2,574 words (longest fic to date but that is only because of the song lyrics XD)
Pairing/s: Yaotome Hikaru x Yabu Kota, Yaotome Hikaru x Inoo Kei
Summary: 5 English Songs Hikaru sang.
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance and Angst...i think~
WARNING: Shounen-Ai/ Boys’ Love.
A.N.
- written in Hikaru's POV so it's Hikaru-centric.
- italicized texts are song lyrics.
- written for the HikaNooBu-thon c/o yamapiislove and shiroikazex
- dedicated to nahc-ier since I didn't have a birthday gift for her XD but i don't even know if you'll read this DX
- UNBETA'ed as usual. Someone willing? XD
- LESSON: never write angst when you're in a fluff mode. so if you want to go read such a work, go ahead. don't ask me why i got an angst plot when the prompt is something that could be seen in a different light
5: Things I’ll Never Say
I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
And I'm searching for the words inside my head
"Hikaru! Stop singing aloud in broken English early in the morning! You're hurting my eardrums!" Mom shouted.
I momentarily dropped my imaginary microphone and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Fashionable casual clothes, checked. Styled hair, checked. Everything seems perfect.
No, I'm not going on a date...although I hope I would. I am just going on the taping of Shuumatsu YY Jumping. I know that preparing your clothes for just that is a waste considering the fact that I'll be changing into that blue jersey jacket on the shoot itself but, I just can't help it. I mean, we all want to look good in front of our loved one, right?
So yes, I'm going through the trouble of dressing up for Yabu Kota when all I'll hear from him is a laugh and a 'that's not practical' comment. That's how much I love him.
Unfortunately he doesn't know. He doesn't notice that fact. And I'm not that brave to tell him either.
Today is quite different though. I feel like confessing to him...in a foreign language, thanks to Avril Lavigne and Keito who would always translate my requested English songs no matter how absurd they are.
"Kota, could I sing?" I said as we entered our dressing room. The shoot wouldn't start until half an hour later.
"Oh, that's new. You are asking permission to sing aloud in our dressing room? Go ahead. It's not like I could stop you anyway."
"No, I mean could you listen to me sing?"
"Hikaru, with the way you sing, I could hear it even if I don't want to"
"Yabu Kota, I don't want you to just hear it! I want you to listen to it because I'm singing it for you." I lost my cool there...
"Oh. Okay." he replied, obviously he was speechless at my sudden change of mood.
I grabbed an acoustic guitar from the corner of the room and got myself a chair while Yabu plopped himself on a couch across me. Even though I have performed in front of thousands of people without getting nervous, this one single person makes me feel otherwise. Still, gathering all the courage I have, I sang.
I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
I didn't know if he understood a thing about the song because my pronunciation sucks. He just kept staring at me until I was finished. I didn't even bother asking him if he understood and started walking away until he grabbed my arm and hugged me.
"I want to be with you too."
I cried out of happiness. This person understood the song!
"You...T-that song?" my shock made me incoherent but it seems that he understood.
"Well, I must admit that I didn't understand everything but the 'marry me' part made me confirm my suspicion that you're singing a love song. And I'm real happy that you feel the same."
Yes, that's right. What made me happier is that he likes me back.
And that is all that matters.
4: What Hurts the Most
We dated. We laughed. We shared one of the happiest days of our lives.
But that period of bliss didn't last long. What happened next sent me deep into the abyss.
As I plugged in my earphones, I played my paused music player - the one I didn't touch before I got that dreaded call that ended it all. The one that crushed my short-lived dream because my dream itself went away with the person who died. It played an unfamiliar song to many except me. Every word pierced me, every pain evident. Yet I couldn't stop myself from listening to it. Instead, I sang along with it with a soft voice and tears staining my face as I remember every single thing that happened.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Family and friends attended his wake.
They explained to me what happened. Internal bleeding on the brain, they say. He had a concussion that no one knew about. Heck, he couldn't have noticed it was serious and still practiced with us. And the next thing I know, her mother called me while sobbing.
Yabu Kota is gone.
Still harder getting' up, getting' dressed, living' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
The following days turned to weeks but it didn't become easier as I thought. It was quite the opposite. It was difficult because I have things that bothered me even in my sleep.
Regrets. I regret not saying I love you back when you did. For not showing enough care when you showered me so much it annoyed me. For not shouting to the world how important you are to me. I regret it all.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having' so much to say
And watching' you walk away
And never knowing'
What could've been
And not seeing' that loving' you
Is what I was trying' to do
I cried myself to sleep again, hoping that I would wake up from this nightmare. Or that I'm only disillusioned that I love him.
But I know that all of this is true. My feelings for him all this time is true. All we had those two weeks was true. And the pain I'm feeling now is just as real.
Everything is real.
3: Be My Number Two
He was always there for me.
After Kota's death, he was there to tend to me. To make me feel better. To just lend me his ears when all the others gave words. To hug me when everything feels so wrong. And stay with me until I fall asleep whenever I remember Kota.
He returned me to the man that Yabu Kota loved.
After a year, he's still there. He never left. Slowly but surely, I fell in love with that man.
I'm now in love with Inoo Kei. And I'm not going to wait a long time again before I confess.
This time for sure, I won't mess it up.
There he is in front of me. Inoo Kei and his epic questioning face with an eyebrow raised as he held on to the translation of the song I’ll sing. I sat on the piano across him and started playing with the keys. Nerve wracking as it is, I beamed him my crooked smile before I started singing:
Won’t you be my number two
Me and number one are through
There won’t be too much to do
Just smile when I feel blue
And there’s not much left of me
What you get is what you see
Is it worth the energy
I leave it up to you
And every time I look at you
You’ll be who I want you to
And I’ll do what I can do
To make a dream or two come true
If you’ll be my
If you’ll be my number two
"So will you be that person for me?"
"Is...Yabu the number one?"
"Uhm...Yeah...You know I-"
"I know."
"So...Will you be my number two?"
Silence filled the air. Maybe the song isn't such a great one after all even if it described everything I feel right now.
"Took you long enough." he replied after a while.
Or maybe, just maybe, being honest to all my feelings would make this work.
2: And It Feels Like
We continued being the way we were. He was still giving me love and care.
But this time, I reciprocated it. I gave him so much love, afraid to have the regret I once did. We were happy. We really were until that time when work and school caught up with him.
Until that time when I feel he was slowly slipping away.
As if fate decides to make me feel more miserable than I already was, every single song that I play on my music player reminds me of him. Deciding that listening to it would be a bad idea; I plopped on my bed then switched the television on.
Browsing on the shows aired on the channels made me even bored than I already was. Nothing seems to catch my attention: sports, fashion, cartoons, heck even the TV Shopping channel. Everything just looks the same. Nothing was outstanding until I ended up on the old music videos that the foreign countries had.
LeAnn Rimes.
I decided to just watch her for a while. The song is familiar. Keito is unexpectedly a fan of hers. And being the easily influenced person that I am, I knew the words to the song.
The video plays with a Japanese Translation under it. I started singing as the song plays. With eyes glued to the television in front of me and ears listening, I digested what the song really meant.
I remember every touch, every flower, every word you ever said
I remember how we looked at each other the very first time we met
I’ll never forget
I remember every smile, every letter, every kiss you gave to me
How we'd talk and you'd hold me for hours until I’d fall fast asleep
This…reminds me of Inoo too. But despite that fact, I continued watching thinking that it is just too much of a coincidence. I stopped singing midway because I never knew what I was singing until now.
You said you would always be there should I need your arms around me
But now that I’ve fallen to my knees, I don't think you give a damn about me
And it feels like we're running out of time
And it feels like I’m the last thing on your mind
I can touch your skin, I can hear you breathe, baby would you tell me what's wrong
Cause it feels like you're already gone
Tears fell from my eyes as I read those lines. I never see him anymore. Most of my phone calls are unanswered. Most dates were cancelled. I know it can’t be helped but is it really too much to ask for some time? Even if we’re together, you can see everything but me. I don’t even know if I did something wrong.
Did you leave in the middle of the night and forget to say goodbye?
Did you feel it was time to go but you didn't want to see me cry?
It gets harder and harder for me to believe you still love me
How would I know if all he’ll flash is a weak, tired smile? Is it really that tiring to love me?
Right then, he entered the room. Still with a weak and tired face of his, he came to greet me. As if nothing’s wrong. As if everything was alright.
“Inoo-chan”
“Hmm?”
“Want to tell me if there is something wrong?”
“No there isn’t anything wrong. I’m just….tired.”
“Tired of what?”
“Of everything. Of school projects and the concerts. You know how it is.”
It was always the same conversation. The same questions, the same answers.
Except for the fact that we were slowly drifting away from each other too.
We rarely hug each other anymore. A day would pass without a word from each other. Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months as he became more distant. More distant than I thought we’ll ever be. I tried reaching out to him, being more considerate to give him his space. But when the time came that he even forgot the most important events of our lives, I just couldn’t put up with it.
“Can’t you see what’s wrong with us? We have been away for too long now!”
“I need my space Hikaru! What did I tell you?”
“You never told me anything! You never let me help you. You barely even speak to me these days! Is this the space you wanted? You wanted us to be away like this? For how long do you think it should be like this?”
“I just…I don’t even know why I’m even saying this to you! All I needed was time. I don’t need a boyfriend right now.”
“A-are you…breaking up with me?”
Get on with it baby if you're gonna leave
It’s not worth saving
“Yes.”
He turned his back on me, not uttering a word. I said this time, it’ll be different. I said this time for sure, I won’t lose him.
My heart is telling me it’s too late to beg you to stay.
Wouldn’t hear me anyway
But I lost him anyway. I lost him to someone I don’t even know. I lost him to the person who’s walking away from me right now.
And I’m not gonna chase that man. Not anymore. Not after all this time I did.
Cause it feels like it's all gone
1: Better in Time
Time passed but I’m still in love with Inoo Kei. I know it couldn’t be helped since I know forgetting Yabu wasn’t easy either.
Christmas time came. A season for lovers, a season I thought I’ll enjoy with the one I love.
I guess I was wrong.
But every single day I became better. Although I don’t have anyone to hold onto anymore, I still have myself. I need to live because I know that the two of them wouldn’t like that suicidal phase of mine to resurface again.
The radio plays a popular English song over the speakers that surrounded the Plaza. Most of them sing along without ever knowing the real meaning of the song - like I did. I sang along the crowd that knows the song but I know that its lyrics will mean more to me than just hearing it.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
Yes, I’ve been better without Yabu by my side with Inoo’s help. But I think I will be better without Inoo with just me. He has helped me to be strong again. I believe that he even made me stronger.
And I believe that this person he created can handle it on his own.
Everything will be better. In time, it would.
~~~~~~~~
*Songs By:
5: Things I'll Never Say - Avril Lavigne
4: What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts
3: Be My Number Two - Joe jackson
2: And It Feels Like - LeAnn Rimes
1: Better in Time - Leona Lewis
Word Count: 2,574 words (longest fic to date but that is only because of the song lyrics XD)
Pairing/s: Yaotome Hikaru x Yabu Kota, Yaotome Hikaru x Inoo Kei
Summary: 5 English Songs Hikaru sang.
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance and Angst...i think~
WARNING: Shounen-Ai/ Boys’ Love.
A.N.
- written in Hikaru's POV so it's Hikaru-centric.
- italicized texts are song lyrics.
- written for the HikaNooBu-thon c/o yamapiislove and shiroikazex
- dedicated to nahc-ier since I didn't have a birthday gift for her XD but i don't even know if you'll read this DX
- UNBETA'ed as usual. Someone willing? XD
- LESSON: never write angst when you're in a fluff mode. so if you want to go read such a work, go ahead. don't ask me why i got an angst plot when the prompt is something that could be seen in a different light
5: Things I’ll Never Say
I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
And I'm searching for the words inside my head
"Hikaru! Stop singing aloud in broken English early in the morning! You're hurting my eardrums!" Mom shouted.
I momentarily dropped my imaginary microphone and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Fashionable casual clothes, checked. Styled hair, checked. Everything seems perfect.
No, I'm not going on a date...although I hope I would. I am just going on the taping of Shuumatsu YY Jumping. I know that preparing your clothes for just that is a waste considering the fact that I'll be changing into that blue jersey jacket on the shoot itself but, I just can't help it. I mean, we all want to look good in front of our loved one, right?
So yes, I'm going through the trouble of dressing up for Yabu Kota when all I'll hear from him is a laugh and a 'that's not practical' comment. That's how much I love him.
Unfortunately he doesn't know. He doesn't notice that fact. And I'm not that brave to tell him either.
Today is quite different though. I feel like confessing to him...in a foreign language, thanks to Avril Lavigne and Keito who would always translate my requested English songs no matter how absurd they are.
"Kota, could I sing?" I said as we entered our dressing room. The shoot wouldn't start until half an hour later.
"Oh, that's new. You are asking permission to sing aloud in our dressing room? Go ahead. It's not like I could stop you anyway."
"No, I mean could you listen to me sing?"
"Hikaru, with the way you sing, I could hear it even if I don't want to"
"Yabu Kota, I don't want you to just hear it! I want you to listen to it because I'm singing it for you." I lost my cool there...
"Oh. Okay." he replied, obviously he was speechless at my sudden change of mood.
I grabbed an acoustic guitar from the corner of the room and got myself a chair while Yabu plopped himself on a couch across me. Even though I have performed in front of thousands of people without getting nervous, this one single person makes me feel otherwise. Still, gathering all the courage I have, I sang.
I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
I didn't know if he understood a thing about the song because my pronunciation sucks. He just kept staring at me until I was finished. I didn't even bother asking him if he understood and started walking away until he grabbed my arm and hugged me.
"I want to be with you too."
I cried out of happiness. This person understood the song!
"You...T-that song?" my shock made me incoherent but it seems that he understood.
"Well, I must admit that I didn't understand everything but the 'marry me' part made me confirm my suspicion that you're singing a love song. And I'm real happy that you feel the same."
Yes, that's right. What made me happier is that he likes me back.
And that is all that matters.
4: What Hurts the Most
We dated. We laughed. We shared one of the happiest days of our lives.
But that period of bliss didn't last long. What happened next sent me deep into the abyss.
As I plugged in my earphones, I played my paused music player - the one I didn't touch before I got that dreaded call that ended it all. The one that crushed my short-lived dream because my dream itself went away with the person who died. It played an unfamiliar song to many except me. Every word pierced me, every pain evident. Yet I couldn't stop myself from listening to it. Instead, I sang along with it with a soft voice and tears staining my face as I remember every single thing that happened.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Family and friends attended his wake.
They explained to me what happened. Internal bleeding on the brain, they say. He had a concussion that no one knew about. Heck, he couldn't have noticed it was serious and still practiced with us. And the next thing I know, her mother called me while sobbing.
Yabu Kota is gone.
Still harder getting' up, getting' dressed, living' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
The following days turned to weeks but it didn't become easier as I thought. It was quite the opposite. It was difficult because I have things that bothered me even in my sleep.
Regrets. I regret not saying I love you back when you did. For not showing enough care when you showered me so much it annoyed me. For not shouting to the world how important you are to me. I regret it all.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having' so much to say
And watching' you walk away
And never knowing'
What could've been
And not seeing' that loving' you
Is what I was trying' to do
I cried myself to sleep again, hoping that I would wake up from this nightmare. Or that I'm only disillusioned that I love him.
But I know that all of this is true. My feelings for him all this time is true. All we had those two weeks was true. And the pain I'm feeling now is just as real.
Everything is real.
3: Be My Number Two
He was always there for me.
After Kota's death, he was there to tend to me. To make me feel better. To just lend me his ears when all the others gave words. To hug me when everything feels so wrong. And stay with me until I fall asleep whenever I remember Kota.
He returned me to the man that Yabu Kota loved.
After a year, he's still there. He never left. Slowly but surely, I fell in love with that man.
I'm now in love with Inoo Kei. And I'm not going to wait a long time again before I confess.
This time for sure, I won't mess it up.
There he is in front of me. Inoo Kei and his epic questioning face with an eyebrow raised as he held on to the translation of the song I’ll sing. I sat on the piano across him and started playing with the keys. Nerve wracking as it is, I beamed him my crooked smile before I started singing:
Won’t you be my number two
Me and number one are through
There won’t be too much to do
Just smile when I feel blue
And there’s not much left of me
What you get is what you see
Is it worth the energy
I leave it up to you
And every time I look at you
You’ll be who I want you to
And I’ll do what I can do
To make a dream or two come true
If you’ll be my
If you’ll be my number two
"So will you be that person for me?"
"Is...Yabu the number one?"
"Uhm...Yeah...You know I-"
"I know."
"So...Will you be my number two?"
Silence filled the air. Maybe the song isn't such a great one after all even if it described everything I feel right now.
"Took you long enough." he replied after a while.
Or maybe, just maybe, being honest to all my feelings would make this work.
2: And It Feels Like
We continued being the way we were. He was still giving me love and care.
But this time, I reciprocated it. I gave him so much love, afraid to have the regret I once did. We were happy. We really were until that time when work and school caught up with him.
Until that time when I feel he was slowly slipping away.
As if fate decides to make me feel more miserable than I already was, every single song that I play on my music player reminds me of him. Deciding that listening to it would be a bad idea; I plopped on my bed then switched the television on.
Browsing on the shows aired on the channels made me even bored than I already was. Nothing seems to catch my attention: sports, fashion, cartoons, heck even the TV Shopping channel. Everything just looks the same. Nothing was outstanding until I ended up on the old music videos that the foreign countries had.
LeAnn Rimes.
I decided to just watch her for a while. The song is familiar. Keito is unexpectedly a fan of hers. And being the easily influenced person that I am, I knew the words to the song.
The video plays with a Japanese Translation under it. I started singing as the song plays. With eyes glued to the television in front of me and ears listening, I digested what the song really meant.
I remember every touch, every flower, every word you ever said
I remember how we looked at each other the very first time we met
I’ll never forget
I remember every smile, every letter, every kiss you gave to me
How we'd talk and you'd hold me for hours until I’d fall fast asleep
This…reminds me of Inoo too. But despite that fact, I continued watching thinking that it is just too much of a coincidence. I stopped singing midway because I never knew what I was singing until now.
You said you would always be there should I need your arms around me
But now that I’ve fallen to my knees, I don't think you give a damn about me
And it feels like we're running out of time
And it feels like I’m the last thing on your mind
I can touch your skin, I can hear you breathe, baby would you tell me what's wrong
Cause it feels like you're already gone
Tears fell from my eyes as I read those lines. I never see him anymore. Most of my phone calls are unanswered. Most dates were cancelled. I know it can’t be helped but is it really too much to ask for some time? Even if we’re together, you can see everything but me. I don’t even know if I did something wrong.
Did you leave in the middle of the night and forget to say goodbye?
Did you feel it was time to go but you didn't want to see me cry?
It gets harder and harder for me to believe you still love me
How would I know if all he’ll flash is a weak, tired smile? Is it really that tiring to love me?
Right then, he entered the room. Still with a weak and tired face of his, he came to greet me. As if nothing’s wrong. As if everything was alright.
“Inoo-chan”
“Hmm?”
“Want to tell me if there is something wrong?”
“No there isn’t anything wrong. I’m just….tired.”
“Tired of what?”
“Of everything. Of school projects and the concerts. You know how it is.”
It was always the same conversation. The same questions, the same answers.
Except for the fact that we were slowly drifting away from each other too.
We rarely hug each other anymore. A day would pass without a word from each other. Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months as he became more distant. More distant than I thought we’ll ever be. I tried reaching out to him, being more considerate to give him his space. But when the time came that he even forgot the most important events of our lives, I just couldn’t put up with it.
“Can’t you see what’s wrong with us? We have been away for too long now!”
“I need my space Hikaru! What did I tell you?”
“You never told me anything! You never let me help you. You barely even speak to me these days! Is this the space you wanted? You wanted us to be away like this? For how long do you think it should be like this?”
“I just…I don’t even know why I’m even saying this to you! All I needed was time. I don’t need a boyfriend right now.”
“A-are you…breaking up with me?”
Get on with it baby if you're gonna leave
It’s not worth saving
“Yes.”
He turned his back on me, not uttering a word. I said this time, it’ll be different. I said this time for sure, I won’t lose him.
My heart is telling me it’s too late to beg you to stay.
Wouldn’t hear me anyway
But I lost him anyway. I lost him to someone I don’t even know. I lost him to the person who’s walking away from me right now.
And I’m not gonna chase that man. Not anymore. Not after all this time I did.
Cause it feels like it's all gone
1: Better in Time
Time passed but I’m still in love with Inoo Kei. I know it couldn’t be helped since I know forgetting Yabu wasn’t easy either.
Christmas time came. A season for lovers, a season I thought I’ll enjoy with the one I love.
I guess I was wrong.
But every single day I became better. Although I don’t have anyone to hold onto anymore, I still have myself. I need to live because I know that the two of them wouldn’t like that suicidal phase of mine to resurface again.
The radio plays a popular English song over the speakers that surrounded the Plaza. Most of them sing along without ever knowing the real meaning of the song - like I did. I sang along the crowd that knows the song but I know that its lyrics will mean more to me than just hearing it.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
Yes, I’ve been better without Yabu by my side with Inoo’s help. But I think I will be better without Inoo with just me. He has helped me to be strong again. I believe that he even made me stronger.
And I believe that this person he created can handle it on his own.
Everything will be better. In time, it would.
~~~~~~~~
*Songs By:
5: Things I'll Never Say - Avril Lavigne
4: What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts
3: Be My Number Two - Joe jackson
2: And It Feels Like - LeAnn Rimes
1: Better in Time - Leona Lewis