[fanfiction] Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire (2/3)
Titel: Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire (2/3)
Header and Disclaimer in the Masterpost
Part 1
A/N: Thank you to kendas for an amazing and patient beta job and loads of encouragement. As always my love to faith_mars for all the handholding and continuous kicks in the butt. Without you this would have probably died a painful death.
This has been finished for months now, but somehow I was able to kill 2 beta's on the way, so I apologize for the delay. Hopefully Part 3 will come quicker.
Following Jared’s initial confusion over the various dances he’d be expected to learn and Jensen’s terminology, they’d spent the last few hours going over the basics of ballroom dancing. Jensen had tried to give Jared a quick rundown on the histories of the different dances he was going to have to study; about the distinction between standard and Latin American dances, and also about their countries of origin.
Jared was a smart guy, but after yet another lecture, this time about the separate rhythmic entities of Brazilian vs. Argentinean Samba, he'd had enough.
"Jensen!” he snapped, unable to hide his frustration any longer behind the forced smile he’d been wearing. “When did this turn into a quiz show? I was told I needed to dance not recite an essay! Can we please get to the point here?" Sitting in the break room with Jensen for two hours had done very little to calm his already nervous mood. In fact, all it had done was make him feel antsy.
The last hour’s concentration had been spent on nothing but Jensen’s dark and obscenely full lashes. On listening to his smooth voice as he talked - totally enamored with his subject. And, although it gave Jared a valid reason to stare at those beautiful eyes and lips, it wasn’t exactly means to calm his nerves or work off his energy. He just wasn't used to sitting around for hours. Usually, he was more the moving around kind of guy. So badly in fact, that he was constantly turning everybody in his vicinity crazy. Being confined to such a small space - being able to breath in Jensen with every move - was too much. He wanted to do something already. Move, dance, do freakin’ jumping jacks! Anything to get away from the closeness and sitting around doing nothing.
Jensen laughed sheepishly, realizing that he had gotten carried away. He ran his hands through his hair and stretched his back. "Okay, okay. I give. Let's get you started on some basics, before your brain explodes." He grinned, pulling out from the table then grabbing a bottle of water and throwing another one to Jared. "Why don't you change into sweats or whatever you brought, and put on those little red dancing shoes. I'll meet you back in the main studio in a few minutes."
While Jared slipped into the locker room, Jensen lit up a cigarette outside and took a deep breath. There were so many things wrong with his infatuation with Jared that he didn't even know where to start.
Obviously, the fact that Jared was the clean cut - very straight - American heart-throb was probably the most valid. Crushing on a straight guy was never a brilliant idea in anybody’s book, and it almost always ended in severe heartbreak or, worse, embarrassment. Neither option truly appealed to Jensen. But, somehow, he wasn't able to just store Jared away in that dark corner of his mind where he’d be able to keep the emotional distance needed to be the teacher in their endeavor.
He'd been there before - giving his heart to a man who’d just ended up going back to his wife. It had dawned on him too late that he was nothing but an exotic distraction, and, at the time, his heart had been already too involved. The only one that suffered at the end had been him, and he had sworn, then and there, that he would never go down that road again.
Except, damn!
Jared just didn't make it easy with all his attention and huge hands and those beautiful - always laughing - eyes. Aside from the fact that he was straight - and like that wasn't reason enough - Jared was an actor. Another species that Jensen had learned a long time ago to stay away from. A task that wasn't all that easy to accomplish in Los Angeles. Tom always scolded him for being too selective and guarded, but Jensen knew better. Fairy tales didn't happen to Texan boys with big dreams. He'd given up on the whole true happiness bullshit a long time ago and, instead, given his heart and soul to dancing. So far, the decision had worked out just fine for him and no gorgeous 6 ft 4" of fellow Texan with shaggy hair was going to change that.
And that was that.
Screw funny, sexy smiles and dimples. Jensen had set his standards, and he was going to stick to them. Even if that decision hurt a little more than he was willing to admit.
When Jensen stepped back into the Studio, Jared had changed into track pants and a T-shirt and was looking at him expectantly. Jensen had a fleeting image of a puppy wanting to go out for a run and had to swallow a chuckle.
"Okay, are you ready to face your fear?" he asked, trying to hide the smile crawling across his face. He could only imagine what Jared must feel like.
Jared looked at him with big eyes and said solemnly, "That was the summer of nineteen-sixty-three - when everybody called me Baby, and it didn't occur to me to mind…" He broke off, sporting the biggest, goofiest, grin Jensen had ever seen outside a cartoon and looking almost as though he was about to start jumping up and down .
Jensen couldn't help but laugh loudly. "You’ve waited for two days to say that, haven't you?"
All he got in return was a cocky grin.
"Okay, come on over here towards the mirror,” Jensen said, waving Jared closer. “This is my dance space. This is your dance space,” Jensen instructed, demonstrating his so called dancing space by stretching his arms in a circular motion, establishing imaginary barriers. “I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame." Jensen finished, returning Jared’s grin with an equally cocky smirk as he pulled Jared’s arms up from behind; attempting to show him the correct posture that he’d hopefully live and breath over the next few weeks.
Jared, meanwhile, was having a hard time concentrating whilst watching those sparkling eyes meeting his in the mirror, and the smile on Jensen's face. His mind was suddenly giving way to a slide-show of any naughty teacher/student fantasy he ever had come up with. Wrong. Oh. So. WRONG.
They spent the next hour or so going over some basic steps and rules. Jensen executed them slowly a few times first, so that Jared could follow until he felt comfortable enough to do them on his own.
Jared felt completely foolish with his back straight, his chin held high, and his arms angled into thin air, but, he had to admit, that it was kind of fun regardless. It was undeniable that Jensen was an excellent teacher; patient and gentle. Jared focused fully on the movement of his feet and fought the constant urge to look down at them. Instead, he watched himself in the mirror, trying to adjust his pose according to Jensen’s corrections and helpful pointers. He sneaked glances here and there at the older man who was now casually leaning against the mirror, watching his every movement closely.
If his sister Megan could see him now, she'd probably loose it completely and be giggling for weeks over the sight of him. It was only fair, Jared supposed, considering that he'd spent years mocking her about her own dance classes and recitals.
Jared was just really getting into a basic Cha-Cha step combination, when he heard the door open and, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Jensen's face falling. His coach’s mouth formed into a thin line and Jensen nervously slid his right foot across the floor back and forth. Jared’s forhead creased in curiosity.
Turning around he saw Sandy McCoy walk into the room like she was a model on a runway. He'd seen pictures of her before, and watched the DVDs from the last season that the production company had sent over, but she was even more attractive in real life. Brown hair framed her heart-shaped face, and her eyes sparkled expectantly as she smiled at him brightly.
"Well, well, look who's gracing us with her presence," Jensen muttered under his breath.
Jared looked back briefly at his coach, his forehead creasing further, before turning back to Sandy with a wide smile.
”Hi, I am Jared,” he said, walking over to and introducing himself.
She smiled, but her gaze flicked up and down, carefully assessing him. The insecurity Jared had been able to shed under the continuous encouragement from Jensen, came rushing back.
Suddenly, he felt shy under her scrutiny, convinced he scored extremely low on her grading system for a successful dance partner. However, to his surprise, she got up on her tip toes and hugged him tightly.
“Well, Jared. So nice to finally meet you,” she said, welcoming him. “I am so sorry, that I couldn’t make it earlier, but I had this audition I just couldn’t postpone. But you know how that is.”
Jensen nodded his acknowledgement to the newest addition to his studio. “Sandy,” he said, courteously greeting her before turning around and heading for the door.
“Jared, I’ll be right back. You guys take a break and get to know each other. There’s lunch in the break room,” he added before making an abrupt exit, leaving Jared wondering what the hell had just happened. Obviously, there was some history between these two that he hadn’t expected. Suddenly uncomfortable with the situation, he felt like he was intruding in a part of the Ackles’ puzzle that wasn’t yet up for grabs.
The young woman was talking again, but Jared was miles away with his thoughts, eager to join Jensen who was surely standing just outside smoking. He yearned for some quiet time to relax his legs from the irregular exercise of the last hour. And he couldn’t deny the appeal of the chance to get to know Jensen a little better, away from class and his friends. So far, he hadn’t had a chance to actually talk to him - to find out what kind of personality this secretive man was hiding.
There seemed to be two sides to Jensen. One was open and kind - friendly to pretty much everybody. And yet, there were moments where his eyes were so guarded and wary, that it physically pained Jared to think about what might have happened to the older man to have become so jaded.
After lunch, which had gone peacefully aside from Sandy being unable to keep quiet for more than a minute, they headed back into the studio for another session.
Jared realized quickly that it was much easier to practice with an actual partner rather than just standing alone in front of a mirror like a goon. Although Sandy and he were faced with a significant difference in height, he felt immediately comfortable with her. Her experience showed through in every step, but she was still patient and charming. Even after he’d stepped on her toes for what felt the hundredth time.
By early afternoon they had made satisfying advancements, and both Sandy and Jensen seemed pleased with how quick a study Jared was. It was much like learning lines and stunt choreographies; knowing where to move and what to do at the exact right timing.
Jared was relieved, when Sandy finally left, and therefore ended the training for the day. He longed for a long hot shower to relax his tense muscles. He felt like he’d been ran over by a bus. Every muscle in his body was aching and his feet were burning like they had been set on fire. Just changing into his sneakers had been heavenly.
“Want a beer, Jay?” Jensen offered as Jared exited the locker room and found the older man sitting at a table alone.
If Jared was honest with himself, he just wanted to go home and sleep for a week, but the possibility of spending some time alone with Jensen was too tempting. So he just nodded and dropped himself onto the bench opposite.
”Do I have to hold the bottle by myself? ‘Cause it looks awfully heavy,” he joked when Jensen held out the brew, shooting Jared a compassionate grin as he did so.
A bright smile that reached all the way to his eyes lit Jensen’s face and he laughed, only able to imagine what Jared’s body might feel like at the moment.
Jared was giddy hearing Jensen that relaxed. Any pain would be worth it if he could get the same carefree laugh out of the older man again.
They sat in comfortable silence, nursing their beers and letting their bodies quiet down after the long day. Jared was drained and fearing what was ahead of him. Today had given him a small glance at the hours and hours of training that were ahead of him, and, once again, he wasn’t quite sure, why he had agreed to this whole thing. He pushed those negative thoughts aside and tried to concentrate on more pressing matters at hand. Never one to be necessarily tactful, he interrupted the peaceful silence by posing the question that had been on his mind since noon. “So, what’s the deal with Sandy and you?” he asked quietly, trying to mask the fear that Jensen was going to shoot him down.
After a long pause, Jensen looked up and hesitantly started to explain. “It’s a long story. We used to be partners, but she didn’t approve of my work ethic. She dumped me for some newbie right before an important competition, one which she went on to win and I didn’t even get to participate in.” He sighed. “Come to think of it, it’s a rather short story. It’s stupid really.” Jensen shot Jared a half smile, suddenly looking tired and sad again as he picked mindlessly at the label of the bottle he was holding.
Jared couldn’t help but stare at Jensen’s long fingers, idly moving around the shredded paper band, condensation collecting in little droplets on his fingers.
Jensen nudged him in the shoulder, grinning at him. “Come on cowboy, you look like you’re about to fall asleep on me. Time to get you home,” he encouraged Jared, getting up himself. “You did good today. Much better than I’d expected. We’ll get you there.”
A proud smile formed on Jared’s face that made butterflies flutter in Jensen’s stomach. It would be so easy to get lost in Jared’s easy smile and huge arms and he really needed to get out more. This was borderline pathetic.
“Sandy is coming in at noon again tomorrow, so why don’t you come over then as well? I’ll see you tomorrow, Jay!” Jensen said, keeping his goodbye brief and leaving as quickly as possible.
Jared found himself left sitting alone in the empty room, confused about the events that had just unfolded in front of him. One second Jensen had been all open smiles, and the next he had closed up so quickly that you had to step back incase the door hit you in the face.
Jared stopped his musing, remembering the exhaustion that was threatening to take over his body any minute now. The thought of having to drive home and take his dogs out was enough to make him cringe. He mentally made a list of things he had to take care of as he made his way out to his car. He doubted that he would be able to grab anything but a microwave dinner before his body shut down and he’d fall into a comatose like sleep. Hopefully, he’d make it into his bed and not doze off on the couch. He’d be sore enough as it is, no need to add a neck kink to the list for tomorrow.
The following days quickly turned into a set routine.
Jared turned up at the studio at all hours of the day, often joining the group of colleagues for breakfast or to take selected classes with Tom or Jensen before their regular training sessions started around noon.
Jensen was impressed with Jared’s obvious interest and desire to do this the right way. Somehow, he had pegged him as the type to give up far more quickly, but the opposite had occurred. Jared, it seemed, had made up his mind to be as good as he possibly could be, and had sunk his teeth into the classes. If someone had told Jensen three short weeks ago, that Jared would turn into a relentless student with never ending energy, he would have probably laughed in their faces, but as of now he was pretty much impressed.
Certainly, Jared hadn’t yet mastered an impeccable technique, but he made up for his deficiencies with energy and a thirst to learn and practice. Overall, Jared was a dream to teach. He was open for corrections, barely questioned Jensen’s methods, and was showing an obvious interest and growing love for what he was doing.
Slowly but surely, the awkward kid that had entered the studio at the start of the competition was turning into a somewhat graceful man on the dance floor.
Jared got along with Sandy as well, spending extra hours with her as much as possible and Sandy ate it up. Jensen knew that one of her biggest nightmares would be to get kicked off the show too early. A quick exclusion in the competition would reflect just as badly on her as on Jensen and, over the last few weeks, the two of them had managed to return to an easy companionship. Obviously, it wouldn’t benefit either of them to keep up their problematic past and Sandy seemed oblivious to it anyway. She’d completely ignored the fact that Jensen had been mad at her for years. Or possibly she’d just forgotten. He wouldn’t put it past her.
It would be a lie, if the hours and hours Jared and Sandy spent together didn’t bother him. Seeing them getting along better and better left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.
However, whilst Jared seemed to easily get along with everybody else around him, the friendship between him and Jensen was still tentative, and often seemed strained at best. He chalked it up to the teacher/student relationship, but deep down he knew that Jared had tried numerous times to include him. Truth was, Jensen had done pretty much everything to undermine Jared’s friendly advances, and the looks he’d gotten in return would haunt him for weeks to come. But he knew he was making the right decision - getting too close to Jared would just shake things up too much. It was difficult enough to keep up the façade of friendly detachment, no reason to make it any harder on himself.
Jared, meanwhile, was thriving on this new challenge. He’d gone through a whirlwind of emotions since he’d started this adventure, but he’d finally settled on just having fun and enjoying it. Granted, Sandy would probably have more fun if he could restrain himself from constantly stepping on her tiny toes, but overall he was truly taking pleasure in his training sessions. According to Tom and Eliza, he wasn’t even all that bad.
Unfortunately, the only thing that was lacking about the whole experience was Jensen. Somehow Jensen’s attitude had gotten more and more distant as time had gone on. Jared couldn’t even pin point the problem down to a particular situation. All he knew was that the longer they worked together, the more the older man pulled away. Of course, he was still the same patient teacher and, since he’d somehow got his problems with Sandy worked out, the work environment was relaxed and friendly. But as soon as Jared tried to talk to Jensen on a more personal level it was lights out. Jared had never seen anybody close off so quickly.
And it hurt. A lot.
Jared just didn’t get it. He was a nice guy. He tried to be friendly to everybody and it must have been working because the others seemed to like him just fine. But Jensen seemed to be made of ice. It didn’t matter how many jokes he made, or candy he brought, or what stories he told, the smile never really reached Jensen’s eyes.
Jared was going insane.
Jared had somehow quietly had made it into the team’s tight knit inner-circle It didn’t really seem to register to anybody when suddenly there were two dogs living at the studio and making friends with everybody. Instead of leaving them at home for hours at a time, Jared had decided it would be easier to bring them with him. They usually just sat quietly in the corner watching the rest of them work. Everybody just seemed to adore Jared and love the dogs. Jensen had mumbled something about health risks and little children running around, but he was always the first one to take them outside to play catch when he took a break.
Jensen was somewhat taken back by how easily Jared fit in. They’d all been full of prejudice about the assignment, himself included. And it somewhat bothered him, that they’d all but forgotten about it. Even Alona hadn’t been able to include herself this easily in their little group when he’d first hired her six months ago, and she had been a dancer all her life; living and breathing their passion just as they all did.
Jared, on the other hand, was still just a TV star with his movie star good looks and the attention span of a three-year-old and yet, everybody was falling all over themselves to make him feel welcome.
It wasn’t that Jensen didn’t agree with his friends, but even Tom, who usually kept everybody an arms length, was buddy-ing up with Jared. He‘d even invited Jared out with Michael and him to catch a movie. And that was just plain mean. He could just see the whole thing playing out before him; poor Jared being corrupted by Michael on his first night out. Great! He just hoped that Mike stayed sober enough to leave out that story about a black short dress and six inch heels.
Their week had been busy with them trying to get Jared and Sandy up to speed on the Waltz - the dance they’d be performing next Thursday, during the first show. Tag teaming with Michael, Jensen and Eliza had come up with an easy choreography that was showing off Jared’s advantages and used the least amount of combinations without looking boring. It wasn’t a difficult dance and the judges were probably going to look right through them, but Jensen was betting on Jared’s smile and looks to easily reel in the audience and make up for the lower judges score. As long as they kept him in the running it meant they had another week to practice.
By Friday, Jared was physically hurting. The whole week had been a pain. Already, he had decided that the slow waltz was not in his top three of ballroom dances, and he was pretty sure that if he had to listen to Celine Dion's “The Beauty and the Beast,” one more time he was going to puke. He might be crushing on Jensen, but that didn’t mean he’d developed a sudden love for Celine or show tunes. Especially, not this kind of lethal combination. Not to mention the fact that Jensen had picked today to be in his worst mood yet.
By the time they broke for lunch on Friday, Jared was convinced that Jensen hated him. Over the last hour he’d had to repeat and repeat, and repeat the last four combinations over and over again.
Luckily, Sandy had managed to finally snap Jensen out of it; apparently as tired of it as Jared was.
All they had gotten in return was a pissed off teacher who had yelled at them,
“If you think you are so fucking perfect, then what the fuck do you need me for?” With which Jensen had slammed the door and disappeared. Sandy had just stared after him in disbelief.
“That was a new one. What happened to him today?” she asked, bending down to loosen the straps of her shoes and walking towards her bag to grab a towel and the water bottle.
“So admit it. You’re jealous.” Eliza grinned in challenge, taking a sip from her water bottle. She had sneaked up on Jensen who had been hiding in the shade behind the building, nursing his own unsettling thoughts. “Come on, you don’t care about Tommy. Or Michael for that matter… so it has to be Jared that has your boxers in a twist.”
She was glad Sandy had warned her about his mood. Eliza had watched Jensen’s behaviour closely over the last few days and she’d expected for the lid to pop sooner rather than later. Apparently though, it had turned out to be much sooner than she had calculated.
“Shut up!” he muttered accusingly.
“What’s your problem? He’s a nice guy. He fits in. We all like him!” She purred, hugging Jensen closer and nuzzling into his neck with a cheeky grin. It was then that it suddenly hit her and her eyes went wide.
“Oh my God! You like him. You really like him, don’t you?”
She’d known Jensen for years now, and although they’d been close since day one, he was one of the most private people she’d ever met. He was always fun to be around and never had trouble getting along with anybody, and yet - It was very obvious that he often hid behind a mask. Even his close friends sometimes found it difficult to read him.
“You like him, you like him,” she continued, sing-songing the words in his ear and smiling like a child on Christmas morning. Sometimes, she wondered if Jensen was really that clueless or just completely stupid when it came to his own emotions. “So, what’s your problem?”
“You are! Just leave me the fuck alone. Everybody! Can’t you all just back off!” He huffed loudly, pulling away from Eliza’s embrace and heading back inside.
Eliza’s smile froze. She had no idea what was going on with Jensen, but this looked more complicated than she had previously imagined. She couldn’t remember the last time Jensen had been truly mad at anybody, but he was definitely mad right now.
Jared had grabbed a sandwich and was now walking aimlessly around the studio trying to find Jensen, or at least trying to find somebody who could tell him what the hell was wrong or what he had done this time. Damn it, why couldn’t he ever seem do anything right?
He was getting closer to the front desk when he overheard Eliza and Alona chatting with Allyson.
“God, that’s gonna kill him.” Eliza gasped. “Make sure Jensen never sees that, do you hear me? And why are you reading this crap anyway?”
“Well, you’d be short the information if I hadn’t read it, wouldn’t you?” Allyson bit back.
“Like that would be bad. God! I can’t believe it made the cover [ *],” Eliza murmured, biting her lips and going back to the article. “Damn, he’s probably already heard about it. That would explain his attitude today.”
Jared stood frozen in place. A little voice told him, that he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but he just couldn’t make himself move away. His mind was reeling and making up colorful stories in his head. Somehow, he was hoping that Jensen’s earlier outburst had more to do with whatever the girls were talking about than him, but he couldn’t figure out what on earth was going on that could have gotten Eliza all up in a twist. If her facial expression was any indication she was far from happy.
“What’s going on? Did he date Lindsay? Is that was this is all about?” Alona asked, letting her eyes wander between her friends. Allyson and Eliza exchanged a look and Eliza straightened herself before she faced Alona, sending her a confused stare and a silent, “Duh!”
“What?” Alona mirrored her confusion. “No! No way! Justin?” She gasped, unable to hide her surprise.
Jared’s heart stopped. Literally.
“You gonna go all homophobic on us now?” Eliza bit out accusingly.
“No. Don’t be stupid! But Justin? Justin and Jensen? Together? That’s getting my brain fried right now! Hello! Hot!” She laughed, taking a closer look at the photo. “So what happened?”
“They were together for a few months, but then Lindsay got pregnant and Justin went back to her,” Eliza elaborated, a shadow falling over her face. “Jen didn’t take it all that well.” She huffed, sadness lacing her voice.
“Well, enough with the story telling, I need lunch. You girls in?” she said, changing the subject while jumping off the front desk.
Jared staggered back into the hallway and leaned against the wall, his hands rubbing tiredly through his hair. This was way too much information to take in at once. He had seen so much footage of Sandy and Justin that he felt like he knew the guy. Okay, there was no denying that he was attractive, but Jensen? Jared was at loss, his emotions running all over the place and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to scream, cry or just be happy.
Well, at least he knew that Jensen was apparently not immune to male advances, which made his life a lot easier right now. But it hurt too. It was one thing to be frozen out by a possible straight guy, but the fact that Jensen clearly wasn’t and still hadn’t reacted to any of his subtle advances seemed to point to only one thing.
He just wasn’t interested. And that really hurt.
The afternoon dragged on and on. Jensen’s mood went from sour to downright annoying, and Jared was frustrated as shit. Of course, that didn’t help his concentration and, after his fifth fight with Sandy and Jensen, he just huffed something about not feeling well and told them he was going to go home.
When the expected arguments didn’t come from either of them, he just grabbed his stuff and left the room without so much as a backward glance.
Sandy shot Jensen an angry look. “Well done! You are just heartwarming today!” She mumbled before leaving as well. No point in sticking around with a pissed off guy and no one to dance with. “Maybe you should figure out what your problem is instead of pissing off everyone around you!” she hissed over her shoulder at Jensen.
Jensen had grabbed a coffee and was sitting outside on the stairs trying to reign in his emotions. Why did everyone have to turn on him today? Couldn’t they just leave him the fuck alone. He pulled out his cell phone and ran through his address book in search of a familiar number.
“Jenny Boy! How’s the big TV star holding up?” Chris answered after only one ring. In the background Jensen could hear someone strumming a guitar.
“He’s not bad. Not sure if he’ll be able to dazzle the masses with anything other than a bright smile and white teeth, but I can’t say he ain’t tryin,’” Jensen mumbled back.
Why did every conversation he had recently seem to begin and end with Jared. He could feel his emotions bubbling up again.
Chris chuckled. “So the fact that the first thing I hear is that the boy has a bright smile shouldn’t worry me, right? Do we need to talk about this?” Chris just knew him too damn well, and although he could be the most oblivious son of a bitch when it came to his own life, he was extremely intuitive when it came to his friend’s business.
"Get a grip Chris! He’s a just a boy who’s in dire need of some dance classes.”
And apparently in getting laid too if the way Jared constantly stared at Eliza and, now Sandy was any indication, Jensen added silently.
”No need to get all pissy at me. So, what’s got you all twisted up?” Chris asked jokingly.
In the background Jensen could hear Steve yelling for Chris to get back to work and hang up.
“It’s not Sandy moving in on your prized possession is it?” Chris continued. “Well, at least you got to Justin first, eh. Look, I’ve gotta go man, before Steve turns into a little bitch! Talk to you later, man.”
Jensen sighed and disconnected the call. “Great. Make my day by reminding me of Justin fucking Hartley, why don’t you?” he said into empty space, kicking his cigarette butt violently off the steps below him.
The scorching midday heat was burning down. Jensen closed his eyes and tried to figure out how to deal with spending hours at a time with Jared whilst still fighting the pull he felt towards the younger man with every fiber of his being. Not to mention the annoyance of having to constantly listen to Sandy jabber away about her oh so freaking perfect Barbie doll life, only interrupting her diatribe to argue with him over everything he was trying to teach Jared. Plus it was going to take more than a bottle of single malt scotch to erase the image that he’d seen on E! last night of Justin and his happy family.
“I am in fucking hell!” he yelled out to no one in particular.
Jared turned around as quietly as he could, stunned at the revelations he’d just been witness to. He felt a little guilty about eavesdropping, but he’d followed Jensen with the intention of confronting him, only to find Jensen instead talking on the phone about himself. He couldn’t help but stick around and try to find out more about Jensen and especially more about Jensen’s thoughts about him. God, this was taking on Junior High standards, he thought, trying to fight down the wave of sadness and defeat that was threatening to overtake him.
Jared disappeared back into the dark hallway, even more confused than before. He called for his dogs, took the front entrance and quietly left for home. This day really needed to end quicker.
The sudden sound of his cell phone ringing interrupted his thoughts as he drove along the highway. Jared answered it with a short, “Yeah?” not bothering to check the caller ID first.
“Dude, we still on for tonight? You left like your ass was on fire! What’s up with that?” Mike was laughing on the other end of the line, but Jared could hear the concern that was laced into the question.
“Nothing. I’m good. Just needed to get out. I couldn’t face taking another of Jensen’s verbal beatings. He was in rare form today,” Jared dismissed dryly. “I’m still in. I’ll meet you guys at eight, ‘kay? And you’d better have that drink ready for when I get there.”
“You sure? If you need to talk or, you know, just vent - I’m sure Tom would be happy to listen.” He chuckled. “Sorry, man. He’s the girl.”
Jared couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “You’re crazy! You know that, right? I’ll see you guys in a bit, ‘kay?” he said, finishing the call and hanging up. He wasn’t sure if a night out with two of Jensen’s best friends was a good idea, but - what the hell. Maybe he’d be able to get some more details out of them. It felt a little wrong to be fishing for information behind Jensen’s back via his friends, but he was running out of options and giving up had never been an alternative. Besides, if they weren't able or willing to spill, well, at least he could drink himself into oblivion.
If the little voice in his head was to be trusted, he should have stopped drinking three beers and two shots ago, but since he wasn’t sure whether that was his little voice or Mike’s, Jared decided to ignore it. After all, he wasn’t the one doing the Macarena - or was it that ketchup thingy - on an extremely unsteady bar stool. Damn, come to think of it, how was he managing to stay balanced? Not to mention how the hell was Mike making those moves look good?
Jared couldn't quite remember how they had got to where they were right now. Actually, he wasn’t entirely sure where he was either. But, if the fuzziness on the edges of his vision and the really bad interpretation of yet another Celine Dion song in the background were any indication, he was pretty sure he'd never been here before.
The night had started off simply enough; Mike and Tom dragging him to some overpriced and overrated hip locale where the menu already threatened to overwhelm him with fusion cuisine . Not that it hadn’t been tasty, but, hey, he was a Texan and though he hated to be stereotypical, meat and potatoes did him just fine. No need to rename the damn thing to ‘pommes de something.’ He supposed that at least he’d still been able to wash it all down with a cold beer, even if the damn thing had come in an iced goblet it was the inner beauty that counted after all.
They’d had fun regardless, falling into easy banter and Jared'd been filled in on more gossip about Eliza, Jensen and Alona than anyone could ever possibly need to know. Or would want to know really.
He'd given up obsessing over Jensen half way through the night and just sat back and enjoyed the ride. After all, if Jensen thought he wasn't worth it, fine. See if he cared.
It was after that decision that the night had began to get blurry.
Now Jared was just out to have a good time. And nothing was going to stand in the way of that. Especially, the faded memory of blond spiky hair and blazing green eyes. Jared was cool. And fun. And tall. Yes, don't forget tall. Way taller than Jensen.
The baffled and extremely concerned look on Tom's face made him realize that he’d possibly just said some of that out loud. Oops!
He grinned at his friend, embarrassed and absentmindedly slid his hands through his hair. "Sorry. Gonna go get another round. Ignore me," he mumbled, getting up and heading towards the bar on shaky legs. Damn! Why did the bar keep moving?
Tom let his gaze follow Jared. Surprised that apparently when Michael had said he thought that Jared was paying more than just studious attention to Jensen, he’d actually had the right idea. Jared was crushing on Jensen.
Well, that - that was new. Or, more probably, not that new, but still - where the heck had he been?
He pulled Mike off his impromptu stage by his shirt. "Mike? MICHAEL! When did Jared turn gay?" he asked, still somewhat dumbstruck.
"Mhh? What?" Mike distractedly asked, climbing down off the chair whilst carefully holding onto Tom's shoulder so as not to break his neck during his slow decent. It also had the added benefit of allowing him to still keep one eye on the cute twink that had been smiling at him from afar. "What do you mean?"
"When. Did. Jared. Turn. Gay.?" Tom repeated slowly, trying to get his boyfriend’s attention. "Gay, You know? As in crushing on our golden boy. And stop eye fucking that poor guy and getting his hopes up or I’ll have to slap you!" he snapped.
"Hah!” Mike grinned way too happily. “Told you those puppy dog eyes weren't just aimed at nothing."
"Point, Mike. Point." Tom tried to regain Mike's focus. "I thought Jared was straight. As in he dates girls. As in makes moony eyes at Sandy."
"You think maybe we shouldn't have brought him to a gay bar?" Mike asked innocently. "Do you think maybe it’s contagious?" He smirked at Tom.
"Screw you!” Tom shoved him and let out a frustrated huff. “Does Jensen know? Because this has ‘bad history repeating itself’ written all over it. He’d better not find out." Tom was reeling from new developments. Sure, he wanted to see both men happy, but he wasn’t convinced that this would play out well for either of them. Jensen had been burned too many times to be the anchor in a relationship and well, Jared seemed to be in a complete different league. For one, he played the role of straight guy a little too well for Tom’s taste, but if the painful muttering earlier was anything to go by, there seemed to be far more behind it than just youthful indiscretion. Whatever though, Tom was concerned.
Mike wrapped his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Just relax. A, Jared is not Justin. Thank God, I might add. And B, do you really think Jensen would be all up in a twist and giving his best impression of frigid ice queen if he didn't think Jay here was at least interesting?"
"Oh no, don't you dare start meddling with this. Seriously Mike. Jared is probably just drunk. Or, more likely, definitely drunk. And Jensen will kill you," he warned, already knowing that it was useless.
Unfortunately, when Michael set his mind to something, he was impossible to sidetrack, and his matchmaking skills were legendary with their friends. Unfortunately, more often than not they were legendarily disastrous.
"Meh, he'll never know what hit him," Mike cajoled. "Just let the master do his thing!" he added, bowing to his imaginary audience.
If looks could kill, Mike was sure he’d be hurting right now.
Their conversation was interrupted by Jared dropping another round of beer and Tequila shots on the table.
The young actor looked at them with unfocused eyes and damn! Even drunk off his ass this guy could sell a freezer to an Eskimo, Tom thought. That look had got to be illegal in several countries.
"So, Jared," Mike started to jovially ask even as the attached slap on the shoulder sent Jared almost flat over the table. "See anything you like?"
Jared was really trying to follow Michael's conversation, but it was so hard whilst simultaneously trying to figure out which of the two Michael's was doing the asking. Instead, he settled for just looking up and tried to hide the confusion on his face. He took a look around the table, still scrambling for the right answer to Mike’s question when it suddenly hit him. "Fuck. Y’all are right. F'got the lemon. Could've told me," he slurred before trying to make his way back to the bar. “Damn, where did the bar go?” he muttered, trying not to crash into an empty barstool, that appeared out of nowhere.
"Okay champ! I think you need to go to bed." Tom intervened, turning Jared around and ignoring the wicked grin that Mike was giving him. He could just see where that was heading. "Let's get you home," he said, trying to steer Jared towards the exit and getting Mike to follow him with a stern look.
Jared stumbled more than walked outside and promptly passed out as soon as they fell into a nearby cab.
It didn't take Tom and Mike all that long to get Jared to bed, the experience giving both of them an odd sense of deja-vous. Granted Jared was taller, but practice did make perfect, after all they’d ended up in similar situations with Jensen countless times over the past years.
Whilst Tom stayed in Jared's bedroom, pulling off the actor’s sneakers, jeans and socks before carefully positioning a bucket and glass of water to prepare Jared for a rough night, Mike took off to explore the condo.
He was impressed. The place was spacious, tasteful and yet it still managed to feel homey. He guessed being a TV star, even a minor one, paid off.
Taking a look at the picture frames lined up on the mantle, he could clearly see the attraction of their not so little protégée. Every picture showed Jared with his friends or, what Mike assumed to be, his family; showing off his megawatt smile and carefree attitude. Jensen would have to be blind not to be attracted to the whole package. Especially, since their friend always seemed to go for the sunny-boy types.
He was still thrown by the idea that the attraction might be mutual though. Not that he'd ever admit it to Tom, but he too hadn’t expected that Jared would be interested in Jensen despite what he’d joked. Either Jared was so far in the closet that he still had the snow from Narnia sticking to his feet, or Hollywood had shoved him completely back inside.
There was no doubt in Mike’s mind that Jensen was at least interested in the young actor. Watching his buddy for the last few weeks had made that obvious, and he was happy for that. Jensen had been holed up for long enough, but he couldn’t deny that even he saw the reasoning behind Tom’s misgivings
Why did his friends always had to make everything so complicated?
It must have been gone three am when Jensen was suddenly awoken. As he tried to defog his sleepy brain and work out just what had roused him, he recognized the sound of his cell phone chirping from underneath the pile of clothes he had dropped carelessly at the end of his bed.
Blindly, he leaned across his mattress, fishing on the floor for the object in question. "Mmh?" he answered, falling back against his pillow, too groggy to even check the number on the display.
"You don’ like me. Why don' ya like me?"
"Jared?"
"Duh! 'Course," he heard the caller reply sarcastically as if being called by Jared Padalecki in the middle of the night was the most normal thing ever. A very drunk Jared Padalecki too if Jensen wasn't completely mistaken.
Jensen tried to wrap his still sleepy mind around Jared's voice, trying to decide if he was still asleep and the possibility of this all being just a dream. In his dreams though, Jared had always called when he was a lot more coherent and their conversations had never started with accusations.
Jensen decidedly preferred his dreams over reality right now.
"Jared, you’re drunk. Jeese. Go back to sleep will ya."
"But you haven’t answered m’ question yet." Jared whined, an underlying sound of anguish penetrating his voice.
"Jared." Jensen sighed. "You don't know what you are talking about. Just try an’ sleep it off."
"So, I’m not ya type?"
Jensen closed his eyes in defeat, the arm not holding the phone falling over his face. This day was taking the cake.
On the other end of the line Jen picked up the sound of sheets rustling. Unable to stop himself, he imagined an adorably drunken Jared with hair sticking out at odd angles, pillow creases on his face, long limbs spread out over white sheets, and the pair of pouty lips that were currently trying to pry an answer out of Jensen. The image immediately sent an onslaught of emotions through him, a number of them going straight to his dick.
"Jay, can we not talk about this right now?" He asked, voice strained as he tried to calm down his body. Getting himself off on a drunk dial from Jared was the last thing he needed right now, or ever. "Why did you call me?"
"Don' change the subject."
"Jared, look, you know you’re attractive. You’re on TV for crying out loud." Jensen groaned.
"Didn't ask if I was hot. I know that. Not as hot as you though."
Those last few words had been barely audible.
Jensen swallowed. "W... what?" he stuttered, trying to will his brain into catching up with the blood that was suddenly heading south. He was going to hell and his dick really didn't care right now. Jared thought he was hot? Jensen was completely confused. Since when did Jared think guys were hot? Maybe he was dreaming after all.
"Hell, Jay, please just go to sleep. We can talk about your complex on Monday," Jen begged desperately. He just knew that this was not going to end well.
"Mmh? My complex? You're the one not answ'ring. Why don' you like me?" Jared replied, his voice sounding more and more like a petulant six year old.
There was a sudden 'thud’ and Jensen heard a distant, "Fuck!" that confirmed his suspicions before there was more rustling of sheets and another, this time very loud, 'thud'.
"Jared?" Jensen called out, concerned about just how drunk Jared really was. "Jared? You okay there?"
"Ouch! Dropped the phone."
"I figured. Didn't mean you had to follow it. Crawl back into bed and try and sleep, Jay," he tried once more with a soothing voice. "You'll feel better in the morning."
"'m fine.” Jared dismissed before quickly lowering his voice to a purr and adding, “What you wearing?"
And just like that, Jensen was fully awake. And painfully hard.
"Jared!" Was all Jensen managed to voice, the actor’s name coming out in a gasp. "Okay, I am hanging up now. Seriously. GO.TO.SLEEP!”
His patience was really being tested. After all, he was only a man and being hit on by a drunken Jared with his soft and slurry voice was straining every ounce of his willpower - a willpower that was crumbling with every heavy breath he heard from the other end of the line.
Jensen pushed the heel of his hand into his dick, trying to release some of the tension. He couldn't help but let out a deep groan at the much needed contact, remembering too late that he was still holding the phone to his ear with his other hand.
Desperately trying to cover up what he’d just let slip, Jensen again tried to convince Jared to sleep it off, this time using his stern, teacher voice as he said, "Jared, go to bed. We both need to sleep!"
"What are you doing?” Jared asked, utterly ignoring Jensen’s suggestions “Are ya’ touching yourself?" Jared asked his voice more alert and also slightly breathless.
"Jayyy. Jay, please stop this. Hang up the damn phone."
"God, tha's hot."
Jensen could hear Jared moving around; probably crawling back up into bed, he guessed.
"Are you thinking about me? 'Cause I would totally kiss you right now." Jared whispered. "First those gorgeous lips. Do you know that you have the most amazing mouth? And eyes, god! I love your eyes. All twinkly and green and splashes of gold."
Jensen was pretty sure this was what dying felt like. Dying and going to heaven. He gave up fighting right there and then. Screw the consequences. There was no way he was ever going to be able to resist that voice. Jared - the man he'd spent almost every waking, not to mention most of his sleeping hours, fantasizing about during the past few weeks, was making it all come true.
"I'd kiss my way down your throat and then I'd nibble on your ear." Jared's voice was still slow, but much more coherent that it had been earlier. And the sounds and words that were traveling through the line shot straight through Jensen’s inner ear all the way down to his all too eager cock.
Jensen had his free hand fully wrapped around his dick now; his thumb swiping at the moisture collecting at the head. Unable to stop himself any longer, he started to stroke himself roughly. Unwilling to cover up what Jared's voice was doing for him, he kept the phone pressed to his ear sending the moans and deep sighs he had tried to swallow before to the other end of the line.
"I want you so bad Jen. So bad! Ever since I saw you that first day."
Fuck! Jensen knew he wasn’t going to last. Having Jared sweet talk him with everything he'd wanted to hear for weeks was too much. Jared's voice was sending a jolt straight down Jensen's spine as his fingers continued to roughly slip slide their way up and down his erection. He’d closed his eyes a while ago, trying to concentrate on controlling his breathing and the sound of Jared's slurred voice washing over him. He could feel the collected tension from it all building; coiling at the base of his spine "Wanna start on your throat and kiss -"
Jensen’s toes curled and he sped up the motions of his hand; tugging on his dick more and more urgently.
"- and lick your skin all the way down your -"
And just like that Jensen gave in. His mind giving away to the lure of Jared's words, the imagery too tempting and too vivid not to. He tightened his grip around his dick, giving into every desire he'd shoved back and hid in the deepest corner of his mind. Frantically, he tugged and pulled, feeling the first wave of his orgasm taking him over. He came in hot spurts, his hips jerking up against his hand uncontrollably, Jared's name on his lips like a prayer.
After Jensen finally regained control over his breathing, he suddenly realized that he was still holding his cell phone. "Jay?" he whispered nervously, the fear of rejection weighing heavy on his chest. "Jared?"
A quiet snore was all he heard on the other end of the line.
He closed his eyes with a groan, disconnected the call and reached out to grab a Kleenex from the nightstand to clean himself up with. The reality of what had just happened hit him like a truck, fear and embarrassment threatening to choke him.
Thoughts of the possible repercussions the phone call would bring in the morning were whirring through his head. He started to feel the edge of the toll that the interrupted night’s sleep had taken on his body, the sated afterglow of his orgasm slowly vanishing and leaving him exhausted. Before he could give his worries anymore attention, he found himself falling back into a fitful sleep.
Jensen spent the rest of the weekend in limbo. The fear he’d felt since he hung up on Jared, mixed with anticipation at the thought of facing the other man on Monday left him uneasy and full of nervous tension.
He forced himself to concentrate on anything but That phone call from Jared. Welcoming his full schedule of lessons on Saturday, he found himself pouring all of his energy into teaching and training. As a further distraction, he somehow managed to convince Eliza to train with him on Sunday.
His plan wasn’t completely successful.
Jensen’s thoughts were a jumbled mess in his head. His mother had always told him that children and drunk men were the only people that never lied, but that meant that Jared had been telling the truth. That he really wanted him. Wanted him as in hot, sex, making out on sleepy Sunday mornings, and spending time together. He was at loss. Part of him wanted nothing more than for it to be true and yet some part of his mind was busy screaming 'Danger! Pain! Heartbreak!'
Jared's weekend wasn't all that pleasant either.
He’d ended up spending most of Saturday trying to get his stomach to stop churning, and attempting to keep the bottle of Advil he was making his way through, down long enough for it to dispel the headache that was seriously threatening to kill him. For the first time, Jared really wished his dogs were cats and that he didn't have to leave the house regularly.
By Sunday morning, he at least felt human enough again to try and reconstruct Friday night and promptly made a heartfelt promise to himself never to go out with Tom and Mike again.
Both men had called Saturday night to make sure Jared was still breathing and they’d calmed his fear of whether he’d done anything too stupid or too embarrassing. Apparently, he’d just been really pissed. One of Jared’s last memories from the night had been of Michael dancing on a table - or a chair - and he was sure he couldn't have made more of a fool of himself than that. Something which Tom had confirmed.
It was Sunday evening when he received a phone call that changed his opinion.
His manager was pissed and hell-bent. Apparently, being photographed drunk off your ass in front of a gay bar with two guys wasn't a good call. Since Jared still wasn't really aware of where the hell he had been Friday, he just nodded, apologized profusely, and agreed.
Some fan must have seen the three of them leaving the bar in the middle of the night and taken the picture, plastering it all over the Internet. Jeese, just because he accompanied some friends to a gay bar didn't mean he was gay, right? But his manager was freaking out. Going on and on about how he didn't give a rats ass about who he fucked, but that he was far more worried about Jared typecasting himself into a niche, unable to appeal to the middle American family, with a reputation as a queer attached to his name.
Jared tiredly told him that he wasn't planning on screwing anybody and proceeded to promise him that he'd make a few appearances with his, quote, ‘yet to be found’, unquote, girlfriend, in an attempt to ease his manager's mind.
After the call, Jared collapsed on the couch and took a deep breath.
Fuck! He knew how the game in Hollywood was played. He'd been good at covering up his inner thoughts and desires for years. There were very few people that knew about his preferences, and the last thing he needed - or wanted - was to screw with his career.
He supposed Sandy would be as good a choice as any for a pretend girlfriend. She was fun, pleasant and pretty. He’d already spent plenty of time with her. It would be a natural next step to ask her out and take her to a few hot-spots.
Jared sighed and got up to walk towards the kitchen, intent on making himself some dinner and shoving the image of a panting Jensen - sleep tousled and spread out on crisp sheets - out of his mind. Fantasies were exactly that. Fantasies. They were just never supposed to become a reality no matter how much Jared wished they were.
TBC
The Cover Eliza and the girls are looking at can be found here
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