Desperation
OK...I feel like I am watching 'My So Called Life' with always saying the whole name in Korean drama stories. She and He are SO much easier to type. LOL. I been working on this one (does not mean it isn't full of crappy errors), but I just feel like there is something missing. I imagine I will figure out what that is in the future after the fact. That is usually how it works when I write something. This begins right after episode 16, with CY turning around at the end in surprise like he was ambushed...of course he was, by one ES coming to save him again. *ok ok shipper glasses are on proudly* ;)
Choi Young turned in surprise. Surprise that she was here in possible danger, surprise that turned to concern for her frantic look, and finally surprise that turned to anger as she ran towards him jumping into him so hard he had to take a step back to keep his feet. She was breathing heavy from running from so far away. Eun Soo had no idea what she was going to do as she pulled him by the shirt so that he was a lower target for assassination. “I am on time. Are you hurt at all?”
A tear fell from her eyes unconsciously when she remembered his loss, and the emptiness that she felt. Somewhere deep inside her a gate was opened or unlocked, and she lost the ability to hide the painful memories that had been haunting her for so long. She hid those emotions behind a wall inside so she had the ability to smile while being close to death, allowing her to hide the inability to use one of her greatest assets in the hands that gave her the abilities she was so proud of, and allowing her to compartmentalize all the killing surrounding her right now. In all that, the one thing she could not get past that would not stop terrorizing her was losing him to death. Such a permanent circumstance, and in that moment she couldn’t control those emotions anymore. She knew losing him was not a nightmare for her, knew beyond all that she knew she had felt the pain before. It was almost like she was in the grip of the terrible pain his loss brought to her at this very moment.
Choi Young wiped the first few tears she cried away until it was impossible to catch them all, so he let go of his internal debate waging war on his mind and pulled her into a hug so tight he worried she couldn’t breathe. Her sobbing became muffled by his shirt, yet she still kept crying without an end. Every sob was like a kick to his midsection. Choi Young would gladly push his sword through his gut again in lieu of having her feel or cry like this.
Eun Soo couldn’t stop the ache she was feeling inside that fed on itself. Hugging Choi Young, as she was breathing him in, that familiar warmth pooled and calmed her like a warm blanket she had been too long away from. It was like her home she pulled him closer, crying even harder confusing them both. Choi Young lost in his confusion and need to help her pulled away only as far as she would allow, and asked her, “Why?”
Eun Soo was so lost in her desperation that she shook her head in confusion, “You left me.” Choi Young had no idea what she meant, which of course was not unusual with her heaven’s speak, but something in him propelled him to play along even knowing he never left her by his own choice. “Mianhamnida,” he said.
“Kajima, you have to stay by my side.” Eun Soo desperately pleaded with him. “The favor asked of you. Forget it.” Choi Young looked at her in wide eyed surprise and amazement even as she continued to plead with him, “Kajima. Don’t go.”
“How…” Choi Young muttered. Eun Soo looked up into the eyes of the man she loved for what seemed like her entire life, “I’ve searched for you. I’m sorry I took so long before. Please!! Don’t hurt me again I don’t know if I can watch you die because I wasn’t fast enough.” Eun Soo pulled him in closer as if she couldn’t get close enough to him. Choi Young let himself be pulled to her, warring with himself over how to deal with his demon.
“Mianhamnida,” Choi Young went along with the things she said in terror by placated her, “Imja I won’t go.”
“Kajima, saranghaeyo…” Eun Soo said still holding on to him for dear life. “I was to slow…kajima” Eun Soo aggressively pushed Choi Young back using her weight to push him down to his back despite his obvious objections. “I came on time, you are here now…”
Choi Young did not understand what she was saying or doing so he just nodded, allowing her to push him back and take away almost all of his power. “Promise you will not leave, Promise.” Eun Soo frantically said to him while she was pulling his shirt down to expose his chest, neck, back, and pulse points. She checked his stomach, his arms, and his back for possible kill shots mumbling kajima the whole time. Choi Young just wanted her tears to stop so he calmly said, “I am not injured.” It seemed like his reassurance was wasted on her panicked mind she met his worried eyes, “Kajima, please.”
Eun Soo checked his racing pulse and it seemed to finally get through some of her panic attack. She looked up into his eyes slowly only seeing the eyes of a man concerned and confused. Choi Young then slowly, so she wouldn’t be lost again, held her hands to his mouth and kissed them. Choi Young saw realization dawn fully in her eyes “Oh God,” Eun Soo said in horror at her actions.
“Are you in your right mind now?” Choi Young then pulled her hands to his heart. “Everything is fine Imja. I am here. I won’t go anywhere without my partner, I promise. We can stay like this as long as you need Imja, but you must come to your senses so you can hear me. I am a man, and no matter how many times I stamp down this hunger for you, and no matter how many times I remind myself you will leave here soon and go back to heaven it doesn’t change that fact. I am a man that wants you. So if you tell me one more time that you love me I am afraid that the love and want I have for you will overwhelm, and what I know is wrong won’t stop me anymore.” Eun Soo blinked at the speech from such a proud warrior, this smart Woodalchi warrior that has fought in countless battles loved her, and he would not leave as before. Eun Soo smiled up to him and laughingly said, “That is the longest speech I think you have ever made while talking to me.”
Choi Young turned in surprise. Surprise that she was here in possible danger, surprise that turned to concern for her frantic look, and finally surprise that turned to anger as she ran towards him jumping into him so hard he had to take a step back to keep his feet. She was breathing heavy from running from so far away. Eun Soo had no idea what she was going to do as she pulled him by the shirt so that he was a lower target for assassination. “I am on time. Are you hurt at all?”
A tear fell from her eyes unconsciously when she remembered his loss, and the emptiness that she felt. Somewhere deep inside her a gate was opened or unlocked, and she lost the ability to hide the painful memories that had been haunting her for so long. She hid those emotions behind a wall inside so she had the ability to smile while being close to death, allowing her to hide the inability to use one of her greatest assets in the hands that gave her the abilities she was so proud of, and allowing her to compartmentalize all the killing surrounding her right now. In all that, the one thing she could not get past that would not stop terrorizing her was losing him to death. Such a permanent circumstance, and in that moment she couldn’t control those emotions anymore. She knew losing him was not a nightmare for her, knew beyond all that she knew she had felt the pain before. It was almost like she was in the grip of the terrible pain his loss brought to her at this very moment.
Choi Young wiped the first few tears she cried away until it was impossible to catch them all, so he let go of his internal debate waging war on his mind and pulled her into a hug so tight he worried she couldn’t breathe. Her sobbing became muffled by his shirt, yet she still kept crying without an end. Every sob was like a kick to his midsection. Choi Young would gladly push his sword through his gut again in lieu of having her feel or cry like this.
Eun Soo couldn’t stop the ache she was feeling inside that fed on itself. Hugging Choi Young, as she was breathing him in, that familiar warmth pooled and calmed her like a warm blanket she had been too long away from. It was like her home she pulled him closer, crying even harder confusing them both. Choi Young lost in his confusion and need to help her pulled away only as far as she would allow, and asked her, “Why?”
Eun Soo was so lost in her desperation that she shook her head in confusion, “You left me.” Choi Young had no idea what she meant, which of course was not unusual with her heaven’s speak, but something in him propelled him to play along even knowing he never left her by his own choice. “Mianhamnida,” he said.
“Kajima, you have to stay by my side.” Eun Soo desperately pleaded with him. “The favor asked of you. Forget it.” Choi Young looked at her in wide eyed surprise and amazement even as she continued to plead with him, “Kajima. Don’t go.”
“How…” Choi Young muttered. Eun Soo looked up into the eyes of the man she loved for what seemed like her entire life, “I’ve searched for you. I’m sorry I took so long before. Please!! Don’t hurt me again I don’t know if I can watch you die because I wasn’t fast enough.” Eun Soo pulled him in closer as if she couldn’t get close enough to him. Choi Young let himself be pulled to her, warring with himself over how to deal with his demon.
“Mianhamnida,” Choi Young went along with the things she said in terror by placated her, “Imja I won’t go.”
“Kajima, saranghaeyo…” Eun Soo said still holding on to him for dear life. “I was to slow…kajima” Eun Soo aggressively pushed Choi Young back using her weight to push him down to his back despite his obvious objections. “I came on time, you are here now…”
Choi Young did not understand what she was saying or doing so he just nodded, allowing her to push him back and take away almost all of his power. “Promise you will not leave, Promise.” Eun Soo frantically said to him while she was pulling his shirt down to expose his chest, neck, back, and pulse points. She checked his stomach, his arms, and his back for possible kill shots mumbling kajima the whole time. Choi Young just wanted her tears to stop so he calmly said, “I am not injured.” It seemed like his reassurance was wasted on her panicked mind she met his worried eyes, “Kajima, please.”
Eun Soo checked his racing pulse and it seemed to finally get through some of her panic attack. She looked up into his eyes slowly only seeing the eyes of a man concerned and confused. Choi Young then slowly, so she wouldn’t be lost again, held her hands to his mouth and kissed them. Choi Young saw realization dawn fully in her eyes “Oh God,” Eun Soo said in horror at her actions.
“Are you in your right mind now?” Choi Young then pulled her hands to his heart. “Everything is fine Imja. I am here. I won’t go anywhere without my partner, I promise. We can stay like this as long as you need Imja, but you must come to your senses so you can hear me. I am a man, and no matter how many times I stamp down this hunger for you, and no matter how many times I remind myself you will leave here soon and go back to heaven it doesn’t change that fact. I am a man that wants you. So if you tell me one more time that you love me I am afraid that the love and want I have for you will overwhelm, and what I know is wrong won’t stop me anymore.” Eun Soo blinked at the speech from such a proud warrior, this smart Woodalchi warrior that has fought in countless battles loved her, and he would not leave as before. Eun Soo smiled up to him and laughingly said, “That is the longest speech I think you have ever made while talking to me.”
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