How to Disappear Completely (Fic, Sylar!Nathan/Peter)
Title: How to Disappear Completely
Pairing, Characters: Sylar!Nathan/Peter, Nathan
Rating: R
Warning: Incest, Angst, Past Character Death
Disclaimer: Heroes is not mine, obviously. I wouldn’t be writing this if it were.
Spoilers: Anything that might happen up to 4x12, “The Fifth Stage”.
Summary: I’m not here…this isn’t happening…
A/N: This is because of rtwofan's offhand reaction post comment for 4x10, "Brother's Keeper". Also for Table 02: Inspired By Songs at mission_insane. Didn't mean for it to come out so angsty, but, you know me.
“When you look at me, you’ll always see Sylar.”
No. No. This can’t be true. Nathan’s not…he’s not…
“No,” Peter whispered, casting his eyes on Nathan. My brother. No.
“When I look at you, I see Nathan, my brother,” Peter choked, crossing the five feet that separated them and taking Nathan in his arms.
“It doesn’t matter, Nathan. It doesn’t matter what you say. Stay with me. Don’t…don’t leave me.”
Peter felt the hot tears that he was trying not to let show finally spill over, onto Nathan’s cheek. “Please don’t leave me.”
He raised his head and searched for Nathan’s lips with his own, and he heard Nathan’s gasp of surprise, and something else.
Anger.
Again Nathan used that power that was not his own to fling Peter across the span of his apartment, his body crashing against the wall where he used to keep his newspaper clippings, and after Peter hit the floor, he sat up as quickly as he could, trying to ignore the pain.
He didn’t mean that.
Nathan didn’t even look like himself as he advanced toward Peter, extended his hand toward him, and helped him up, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just done.
This was just Nathan and his weird powers he’d had of late. This wasn’t Sylar. It couldn’t be.
Peter got to his feet, not deterred in the slightest, and tried again to kiss him. He needed the comfort of his body more than anything right now. These new things Nathan could do, Nathan’s unexplained missing week, this ridiculous talk of Nathan being dead, of Sylar tricked into thinking he was him…
Peter refused the thoughts and slipped his hands beneath Nathan’s shirt, ran them over Nathan’s chest, over that soft hair, downward, his fingers caressing each muscle of Nathan’s stomach. Nothing different there, Peter thought. Just how you always are. Peter couldn’t stop his breath from quickening, an intense rush of arousal flowing through his body.
“No, Peter,” Nathan said, his voice low, almost pleading now. “Don’t defile what we had…by giving it to him. Please.”
He’s really serious? He believes this nonsense?
Nathan spoke of Sylar as if he’d already accepted this farce, even though clear as day, he was Nathan Petrelli. His brother. Holding him in his arms.
Peter couldn’t believe it.
“Nathan,” he tried. “Please. This is crazy. There’s got to be another explanation for this…”
Nathan shook his head, almost imperceptibly. “There isn’t, Peter. You’ve got to understand. I’m not here. This isn’t happening. Not the way you think it is.”
Nathan was always so stubborn. Never wanted to admit he was wrong, not for a second. But panic started to fill Peter’s mind, swallowed his breath, gripped his heart.
What if it were true? What if Peter had seen with his own eyes, that his brother was dead? What if what Nathan was telling him were actually true?
His head started to spin. No. No. It can’t--
What if Nathan were really…gone? What if this were really Sylar--
Peter forced the irrational feeling away, and continued to touch him, reminding himself of every curve and dip and smooth flat plane of his brother’s body. His brother. Nathan. The man he’d loved his whole life. The only man Peter had ever wanted. Wrong or right, it had never mattered. This was Nathan. The man he’d been making love to since Peter was sixteen years old.
“Nathan, please,” he moaned, pressing into him, letting him feel how much he needed him. You can’t leave me. You just can’t.
“Peter…” Nathan sighed, pushing him away, gently this time. “No. I can’t let you do this. Not with…him. It’s not me, Peter. I…”
Peter watched his brother’s face; he looked like his world was crashing down around him. Nathan looked as though he were ready to cry. Nathan never cried.
As Nathan’s tears fell, he took Peter’s face in his hands. “Peter, I love you. I know you need to hear that. Remember the last time, Pete. It means so much more than this. I’m not your brother…I wish I could be. But this isn’t happening. Remember the way it was. Please.”
Peter just nodded. “All right,” he whispered. Nathan was adamant. He knew better than to cross Nathan when he was this convinced.
Nathan gave him that great big smile, the one that had never failed to cheer him up for as long as he could remember, and Peter pulled him in close.
“Are you really…leaving me?”
“No, never,” Nathan answered. Peter felt Nathan’s hands at his face once again, tilting his head up. He looked into Nathan’s eyes, and it was like looking into someone else’s. Not like his own. Not like looking into a mirror. Not the same color at all. Nathan was telling the truth. Peter had to look away.
This was really happening, and Nathan had accepted it, long before Peter even could. Always his big brother. Trying to help him, even at the end of everything.
“Oh, God. I love you, Nathan.”
The terrible sounds that came from Peter’s throat drowned out Nathan’s last words, and Peter watched Nathan’s lips move instead.
“I know. I love you more than life, Peter.”
Now go.
Peter finally listened. He turned away from this man who was, and at the same time was not his brother, and used Nathan’s last gift to him to escape. To get away from the man who had ruined everything, who had taken Nathan away, and unknowingly, had given him back one last time.
But Peter would come back.
Nathan may have sent him away, but he knew he would return, to take what Sylar had taken from him.
His brother’s life, in exchange for his.
Pairing, Characters: Sylar!Nathan/Peter, Nathan
Rating: R
Warning: Incest, Angst, Past Character Death
Disclaimer: Heroes is not mine, obviously. I wouldn’t be writing this if it were.
Spoilers: Anything that might happen up to 4x12, “The Fifth Stage”.
Summary: I’m not here…this isn’t happening…
A/N: This is because of rtwofan's offhand reaction post comment for 4x10, "Brother's Keeper". Also for Table 02: Inspired By Songs at mission_insane. Didn't mean for it to come out so angsty, but, you know me.
“When you look at me, you’ll always see Sylar.”
No. No. This can’t be true. Nathan’s not…he’s not…
“No,” Peter whispered, casting his eyes on Nathan. My brother. No.
“When I look at you, I see Nathan, my brother,” Peter choked, crossing the five feet that separated them and taking Nathan in his arms.
“It doesn’t matter, Nathan. It doesn’t matter what you say. Stay with me. Don’t…don’t leave me.”
Peter felt the hot tears that he was trying not to let show finally spill over, onto Nathan’s cheek. “Please don’t leave me.”
He raised his head and searched for Nathan’s lips with his own, and he heard Nathan’s gasp of surprise, and something else.
Anger.
Again Nathan used that power that was not his own to fling Peter across the span of his apartment, his body crashing against the wall where he used to keep his newspaper clippings, and after Peter hit the floor, he sat up as quickly as he could, trying to ignore the pain.
He didn’t mean that.
Nathan didn’t even look like himself as he advanced toward Peter, extended his hand toward him, and helped him up, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just done.
This was just Nathan and his weird powers he’d had of late. This wasn’t Sylar. It couldn’t be.
Peter got to his feet, not deterred in the slightest, and tried again to kiss him. He needed the comfort of his body more than anything right now. These new things Nathan could do, Nathan’s unexplained missing week, this ridiculous talk of Nathan being dead, of Sylar tricked into thinking he was him…
Peter refused the thoughts and slipped his hands beneath Nathan’s shirt, ran them over Nathan’s chest, over that soft hair, downward, his fingers caressing each muscle of Nathan’s stomach. Nothing different there, Peter thought. Just how you always are. Peter couldn’t stop his breath from quickening, an intense rush of arousal flowing through his body.
“No, Peter,” Nathan said, his voice low, almost pleading now. “Don’t defile what we had…by giving it to him. Please.”
He’s really serious? He believes this nonsense?
Nathan spoke of Sylar as if he’d already accepted this farce, even though clear as day, he was Nathan Petrelli. His brother. Holding him in his arms.
Peter couldn’t believe it.
“Nathan,” he tried. “Please. This is crazy. There’s got to be another explanation for this…”
Nathan shook his head, almost imperceptibly. “There isn’t, Peter. You’ve got to understand. I’m not here. This isn’t happening. Not the way you think it is.”
Nathan was always so stubborn. Never wanted to admit he was wrong, not for a second. But panic started to fill Peter’s mind, swallowed his breath, gripped his heart.
What if it were true? What if Peter had seen with his own eyes, that his brother was dead? What if what Nathan was telling him were actually true?
His head started to spin. No. No. It can’t--
What if Nathan were really…gone? What if this were really Sylar--
Peter forced the irrational feeling away, and continued to touch him, reminding himself of every curve and dip and smooth flat plane of his brother’s body. His brother. Nathan. The man he’d loved his whole life. The only man Peter had ever wanted. Wrong or right, it had never mattered. This was Nathan. The man he’d been making love to since Peter was sixteen years old.
“Nathan, please,” he moaned, pressing into him, letting him feel how much he needed him. You can’t leave me. You just can’t.
“Peter…” Nathan sighed, pushing him away, gently this time. “No. I can’t let you do this. Not with…him. It’s not me, Peter. I…”
Peter watched his brother’s face; he looked like his world was crashing down around him. Nathan looked as though he were ready to cry. Nathan never cried.
As Nathan’s tears fell, he took Peter’s face in his hands. “Peter, I love you. I know you need to hear that. Remember the last time, Pete. It means so much more than this. I’m not your brother…I wish I could be. But this isn’t happening. Remember the way it was. Please.”
Peter just nodded. “All right,” he whispered. Nathan was adamant. He knew better than to cross Nathan when he was this convinced.
Nathan gave him that great big smile, the one that had never failed to cheer him up for as long as he could remember, and Peter pulled him in close.
“Are you really…leaving me?”
“No, never,” Nathan answered. Peter felt Nathan’s hands at his face once again, tilting his head up. He looked into Nathan’s eyes, and it was like looking into someone else’s. Not like his own. Not like looking into a mirror. Not the same color at all. Nathan was telling the truth. Peter had to look away.
This was really happening, and Nathan had accepted it, long before Peter even could. Always his big brother. Trying to help him, even at the end of everything.
“Oh, God. I love you, Nathan.”
The terrible sounds that came from Peter’s throat drowned out Nathan’s last words, and Peter watched Nathan’s lips move instead.
“I know. I love you more than life, Peter.”
Now go.
Peter finally listened. He turned away from this man who was, and at the same time was not his brother, and used Nathan’s last gift to him to escape. To get away from the man who had ruined everything, who had taken Nathan away, and unknowingly, had given him back one last time.
But Peter would come back.
Nathan may have sent him away, but he knew he would return, to take what Sylar had taken from him.
His brother’s life, in exchange for his.