Fic: Monkey Island (Prologue)
Title: Monkey Island
Author: cranberry_pi
Rating: PG for extreme stupidity
Spoilers: Definitely not.
Summary:Glee meets The Secret of Monkey Island.tm I’m basically taking the plot (and most of the dialogue) of the first game and Faberry-ing it. This might actually be the dumbest thing ever written, but I needed a distraction from the heartache I had last night, and if anyone enjoys the prologue at all and I can actually get on a roll, I’ll give it a shot! In case it’s not immediately obvious, I’m not going to be following any particular point of view, tense or anything else - it’s all up for grabs, and I’ll just go with whatever I think is funny at the time.
Melee Island - Deep in the Carribean
Our intrepid hero, Quinn Threepwood, climbs the tall cliff protecting Melee Island from the ocean - not terribly bright, given that there was a nice gentle walking trail about thirty feet to her right, but never mind. She stops for a moment at the top, enjoying the view and the feel of the ocean breeze on her fair skin. She’s dressed in traditional pirate garb - what? No, I won’t describe it! You all know what a pirate looks like, now stop interrupting! She approaches the island’s look out, a blind old man who stares out at the water through the wrong end of a spyglass, and taps him on the shoulder.
“Hi!” she says brightly. “My name’s Quinn Threepwood, and I want to be a pirate!”
“Yikes!” the old man clutches his chest. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“I’m over this way,” Quinn turns him around.
“Ah! Well, then, Triftweed-”
“THREEPWOOD. Quinn THREEPWOOD.”
“I see. So, you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a flooring inspector!”
“But you can’t even see me-”
“But if you’re serious about pirating, go talk to the pirate leaders. You’ll find them in the Scumm Bar.”
“Gosh, thanks! I’ll do that! Bye, now. I’m off to seek my fortune.”
“Good luck.”
Quinn turns and walks away, but only takes three steps before turning around again. “Um - where did you say the pirate leaders were?”
“The SCUMM BAR.”
“Right. Thanks.”
Quinn walks away again, and manages to remember where she’s going this time. She walks into town, eyes alert for any danger, until she finds a giant building with a neon sign (of course they existed in pirating days! Stop pestering the narrator!) reading SCUMM BAR. (bet you didn’t see that coming.) She strolls through the swinging front door, stopping to talk to the pirate waiting just inside.
“Ahoy there, stranger,” he smiles. “New in town?”
“My name’s Quinn,” Quinn says (ooh, redundancy!). “Quinn Threepwood.”
“Quinn Threepwood? Ha ha ha!! That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard!”
“I don’t know,” Quinn frowns. “I kind of like ‘Quinn.’”
“But it’s not even a name!”
“Well, what’s YOUR name?”
“My name is Mancomb Seepgood. So, what brings you to Melee Island anyway?”
“I want to be a pirate!”
Mancomb smirks. “Oh, really? You should go talk to the important-looking pirates in the next room. They’re pretty much in charge around here. They can tell you where to go and what to do.”
“And where can I find the Governor?”
“Governor Berry? Her mansion is on the other side of town. But pirates aren’t as welcome around her place as they used to be.”
Quinn raises her eyebrow. “Why not?”
“Well, the last time she had a pirate over for dinner, he fell in love with her. It’s made things rather uncomfortable for everybody.”
“How’s that?”
“Well - this pirate, his name is Hudson. Went for dinner, never wanted to leave. He fell for her in a big way, but she told him to drop dead. So he did. Then things got really ugly.”
“What’s so scary about this Hudson guy?”
“Finn Hudson was a fearsome pirate. He tried to impress the Governor by sailing off to find the Secret of Monkey IslandTM. But his ship sank, leaving no survivors. We thought that was the end of the fearsome pirate Hudson. We were wrong.”
“This is a lot of exposition,” Quinn complained. “So, what happened then?”
“He still sails the waters between here and Monkey IslandTM. His ghost ship is an unholy terror upon the sea. That’s why we’re all in here and not out pirating. Now, it looks like my grog is going flat, so you’ll have to excuse me.” He walked away without further preamble, leaving Quinn to wander into the other room. It was dominated by a large table, at which sat three important-looking pirates. Quinn bit her lip, wondering whether these were the same important-looking pirates Mancomb had mentioned. Have I mentioned yet that Quinn isn’t necessarily the brightest ? Anyway, after five minutes of indecision, she approaches them with an exaggerated swagger.
“I want to be a pirate!”
“So what?” replies the first pirate, dressed in blue.
“Why bother us?” the second, dressed in green, adds.
The third, dressed in black, looks down the table at the other two. “Hey, don’t forget we’re short on help because of this whole Hudson thing.”
“So?” Blue replies.
“So, no pirates means no swag, and no swag means no grog, and we’re getting dangerously low on grog.”
“Hmm,” Blue ponders, turning back to Quinn, “do you have any special skills?”
“I can hold my breath for ten minutes!” she nods proudly.
“Well,” Blue says, “all right, but you don’t become a pirate just by ASKING. You’ll have to go through The Three Trials!”
“Er - what Three Trials are those?”
“There are three trials every pirate must pass,” Green informs her. “You must master the sword, and the art of thievery, and the quest.”
“The what?”
“Treasure hunting, ya sea urchin!”
“Right,” Black nods. “You must prove yourself in each of these three areas; swordplay, thievery, and, er, treasure huntery; then return with proof that you’ve done it.”
“Then you must drink grog with us!” Blue shouts.
“GROG!” the shout fills the bar.
“Got it,” Quinn nods. She heads for the exit, but then turns around and walks back to the important-looking pirates. “Wait - can we go over that again?”
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Author: cranberry_pi
Rating: PG for extreme stupidity
Spoilers: Definitely not.
Summary:Glee meets The Secret of Monkey Island.tm I’m basically taking the plot (and most of the dialogue) of the first game and Faberry-ing it. This might actually be the dumbest thing ever written, but I needed a distraction from the heartache I had last night, and if anyone enjoys the prologue at all and I can actually get on a roll, I’ll give it a shot! In case it’s not immediately obvious, I’m not going to be following any particular point of view, tense or anything else - it’s all up for grabs, and I’ll just go with whatever I think is funny at the time.
Melee Island - Deep in the Carribean
Our intrepid hero, Quinn Threepwood, climbs the tall cliff protecting Melee Island from the ocean - not terribly bright, given that there was a nice gentle walking trail about thirty feet to her right, but never mind. She stops for a moment at the top, enjoying the view and the feel of the ocean breeze on her fair skin. She’s dressed in traditional pirate garb - what? No, I won’t describe it! You all know what a pirate looks like, now stop interrupting! She approaches the island’s look out, a blind old man who stares out at the water through the wrong end of a spyglass, and taps him on the shoulder.
“Hi!” she says brightly. “My name’s Quinn Threepwood, and I want to be a pirate!”
“Yikes!” the old man clutches his chest. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“I’m over this way,” Quinn turns him around.
“Ah! Well, then, Triftweed-”
“THREEPWOOD. Quinn THREEPWOOD.”
“I see. So, you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a flooring inspector!”
“But you can’t even see me-”
“But if you’re serious about pirating, go talk to the pirate leaders. You’ll find them in the Scumm Bar.”
“Gosh, thanks! I’ll do that! Bye, now. I’m off to seek my fortune.”
“Good luck.”
Quinn turns and walks away, but only takes three steps before turning around again. “Um - where did you say the pirate leaders were?”
“The SCUMM BAR.”
“Right. Thanks.”
Quinn walks away again, and manages to remember where she’s going this time. She walks into town, eyes alert for any danger, until she finds a giant building with a neon sign (of course they existed in pirating days! Stop pestering the narrator!) reading SCUMM BAR. (bet you didn’t see that coming.) She strolls through the swinging front door, stopping to talk to the pirate waiting just inside.
“Ahoy there, stranger,” he smiles. “New in town?”
“My name’s Quinn,” Quinn says (ooh, redundancy!). “Quinn Threepwood.”
“Quinn Threepwood? Ha ha ha!! That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard!”
“I don’t know,” Quinn frowns. “I kind of like ‘Quinn.’”
“But it’s not even a name!”
“Well, what’s YOUR name?”
“My name is Mancomb Seepgood. So, what brings you to Melee Island anyway?”
“I want to be a pirate!”
Mancomb smirks. “Oh, really? You should go talk to the important-looking pirates in the next room. They’re pretty much in charge around here. They can tell you where to go and what to do.”
“And where can I find the Governor?”
“Governor Berry? Her mansion is on the other side of town. But pirates aren’t as welcome around her place as they used to be.”
Quinn raises her eyebrow. “Why not?”
“Well, the last time she had a pirate over for dinner, he fell in love with her. It’s made things rather uncomfortable for everybody.”
“How’s that?”
“Well - this pirate, his name is Hudson. Went for dinner, never wanted to leave. He fell for her in a big way, but she told him to drop dead. So he did. Then things got really ugly.”
“What’s so scary about this Hudson guy?”
“Finn Hudson was a fearsome pirate. He tried to impress the Governor by sailing off to find the Secret of Monkey IslandTM. But his ship sank, leaving no survivors. We thought that was the end of the fearsome pirate Hudson. We were wrong.”
“This is a lot of exposition,” Quinn complained. “So, what happened then?”
“He still sails the waters between here and Monkey IslandTM. His ghost ship is an unholy terror upon the sea. That’s why we’re all in here and not out pirating. Now, it looks like my grog is going flat, so you’ll have to excuse me.” He walked away without further preamble, leaving Quinn to wander into the other room. It was dominated by a large table, at which sat three important-looking pirates. Quinn bit her lip, wondering whether these were the same important-looking pirates Mancomb had mentioned. Have I mentioned yet that Quinn isn’t necessarily the brightest ? Anyway, after five minutes of indecision, she approaches them with an exaggerated swagger.
“I want to be a pirate!”
“So what?” replies the first pirate, dressed in blue.
“Why bother us?” the second, dressed in green, adds.
The third, dressed in black, looks down the table at the other two. “Hey, don’t forget we’re short on help because of this whole Hudson thing.”
“So?” Blue replies.
“So, no pirates means no swag, and no swag means no grog, and we’re getting dangerously low on grog.”
“Hmm,” Blue ponders, turning back to Quinn, “do you have any special skills?”
“I can hold my breath for ten minutes!” she nods proudly.
“Well,” Blue says, “all right, but you don’t become a pirate just by ASKING. You’ll have to go through The Three Trials!”
“Er - what Three Trials are those?”
“There are three trials every pirate must pass,” Green informs her. “You must master the sword, and the art of thievery, and the quest.”
“The what?”
“Treasure hunting, ya sea urchin!”
“Right,” Black nods. “You must prove yourself in each of these three areas; swordplay, thievery, and, er, treasure huntery; then return with proof that you’ve done it.”
“Then you must drink grog with us!” Blue shouts.
“GROG!” the shout fills the bar.
“Got it,” Quinn nods. She heads for the exit, but then turns around and walks back to the important-looking pirates. “Wait - can we go over that again?”
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