Ugliest love child ever

May 29, 2007 20:42

A conversation between myself and
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Comments 16

kayliemalinza May 30 2007, 01:04:44 UTC
Actually, giving birth to a squid might've been really easy, since it's so squishy and can just plop out. Unless it wanted to stay, and clung to her uterus with all its tentacles.

Ow.

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spiral2darkness May 30 2007, 07:19:52 UTC
>_< That imaage is now forever seared into my mind...

Brain-bleach please!

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kayliemalinza May 30 2007, 07:21:08 UTC
I WIN! no bleach for you. >D

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lostwiginity May 30 2007, 18:02:01 UTC
Also, that particular squid has several rows of teeth. @_@

Unless it grew them after being born. Also, squids are very, very small when young. And who knows how old it and its patents are by now.

So when you... "mate" a man with the Sea itself, a squid is conceived?

This is so WEIRD!

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marina_sparrow June 1 2007, 11:36:37 UTC
ROFL!!!!!!

OMG Kayliemalinza, you just made me snort Dr Pepper everywhere with that comment! I can just imaging Beckett babysitting Baby!Jack. Jack plays with his jar of dirt by the fire and tying random things he's found into his hair (what he has of it anyway), whilst Beckett plans world domination.

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kayliemalinza June 1 2007, 18:20:03 UTC
I bet Jack got curious and reached for one of the Risk pieces, and Beckett very quietly and smarmily informed Jackie that if he did not still his pudgy fingers at once, he would soon lose them.

Jack retreated quietly and spent the rest of the night behaving very nicely, but when Captain Teague came home from the opera, he discovered Jackie had tied that Risk piece into his hair. Beckett, snotty git, never noticed.

That Navy boy from Jackie's preschool noticed, though, and told Jackie that his hair was dreadfully tacky.

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marina_sparrow June 1 2007, 18:43:33 UTC
It's only when Christmas rolls around and Jackie starts tying Christmas decorations into his hair that Captain Teague gets worried that he has some kind of fetish. At first he confiscates Jackie's jar of dirt to get him to stop but that doesn't seem to work so he threatens to have Becket babysit again.....soon all the ornaments are back on the tree where they belong.

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kayliemalinza June 1 2007, 21:25:55 UTC
Never underestimate the Power of the Pout, however-- On Christmas Eve Teague lets Jack choose one ornament to keep. The next morning, one of Jackie's presents is an entire collection of beads and shiny things.

Teague doesn't forget the effectiveness of the Beckett threat, though. Especially when Jack keeps bringing home notes from pre-school for getting into fights with the Norrington boy.

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marina_sparrow June 1 2007, 23:06:08 UTC
Eventually, one such fight got completely out of hand and Jackie came home with a black eye and Jamie sported a bust lip. Captain Teague decided it was time to take action. Jamie's mother agreed. They were both to be babysitted by Beckett together.

Teague never really found out what exactly happened, but when he returned home after his date with Jamie's mother, he found Beckett tied to a chair in his underwear with his wig shoved in his mouth. Apparently, the two boys were inseperable after that.

In a strange way, Teague's plan to stop them fighting worked.

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kayliemalinza June 2 2007, 04:32:57 UTC
A date, hmm? Something tells me Captain Teague and James' mother were less concerned about their boys fighting and more concerned about finding a good excuse.

Jack and James twig onto this, of course. After the adults untie Beckett and send him on his way (with a hefty bonus, to be sure) JnJ appear in the darkness at the foot of the stairs, asking in unison, "Have a nice night?" Jack's pouting at Teague, and James is shaking his head in disappointment at his mother.

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marina_sparrow June 2 2007, 10:59:22 UTC
"Yes, we had a lovely time. Captain Teague is a fine man."
"No he's not, he's a pirate!" Jamie protested.
"And a good man, James."
"I beg to differ," said Jackie.
"Either way, you two need a new babysitter!" Teague shouted.
"What about that Barbossa kid, he often looks after the strange one with the wooden eye and his mate?" Jamie's mother offered.
"Or Tia Dalma? With her new baby, I bet she would be great with kids." Teague suggested.
"PARLEY?!?!" Jackie said rather desperately.
"No 'Parley' for you, Jackie, you need a new babysitter and yer gonna get one!"
"So you're not going to keep to the Code then, pa?"

At this, Teague's eye twitched and Jackie knew it was time to embrace that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions. Grabbing Jamie's hand they made a rather hasty retreat to Jack's bedroom.

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kayliemalinza June 3 2007, 00:51:16 UTC
"PARLEY?!?!" Jackie said rather desperately.
Hee hee! Poor Jack.

Barbossa would probably be a much better babysitter. He'd know how to play pirates and Navy with the boys, and Jack would get along splendidly with him James might get a little cranky at the Navy being outnumbered all the time, though.

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