NCIS Ficathon - Memorial
Author: CPWatcher
E-mail: cpwatcher@sbcglobal.net
Website (if you have one):
Title: Memorial
Quote Used:
Quote 1
All your entrances,
before you walk forward,
you should look at,
you should spy out;
for you can't know for certain where enemies are sitting ahead in the hall.
- from the Poetic Edda (translated by Carolyne Larrington)
Quote 2
"Cause I'm hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me" (Lifehouse)
Link:
Permission to archive: Yes
Memorial
Every year it had been the same thing. He'd get up, alone. He'd eat, alone. (Wives one, two and surprisingly three, viewed this day for early bird specials.) He'd put on his military dress and drive out to Arlington Cemetery, alone. And as he stood there among the many paying their respects, he stood... alone.
His wives never understood him, not really. They never understood his drive, his need, his reasons for joining the Marines, and then later NCIS. He didn't think any woman could understand. That is until he'd met Cait. She understood. That's why he wanted her on his team. She understood because she felt it, lived it, and breathed it, just like he did.
Jethro sat on the side of the bed and sighed. It was 0700 hours and he still had a drive ahead of him. Strong arms slid around his waist, as a solid chest pressed against his back. His neck was kissed gently, and he felt the slight morning stubble rub against his cheek. No words were spoken. He was just given another squeeze and kiss on the cheek, then released, as Tony rose from the bed and padded into the bathroom.
Tony. Jethro smiled as he watched the young man move, graceful in his nakedness. They had come together only a week ago, after dancing around each other for over two years. It was Jethro’s fault that they hadn’t gotten together sooner. He had initiated Rule #12, No dating co-workers. Tony had told him to fuck Rule #12 and the horse it rode in on.
//"I followed your orders, Boss. I didn't die. Now please Jethro, give me a reason to want to keep living."//
And Tony *had* followed his orders of not dying, as he lay in the hospital, his body ravaged by the pneumonic plague. He had kissed Tony later, when he was out of ICU. He kissed him slowly, gently, and thoroughly. It was a kiss that promised more to come, as Tony was still confined to the hospital. But on the day of Tony's release, the promise was fulfilled, as Gibbs loved him slow and easy. Tony has been waking up in his bed ever since.
He showered, and then met Tony in the kitchen for breakfast and his first cup of coffee. They ate minimal conversation between them. He put on his dress uniform and Tony put on a tailored black suit.
As they walked to the front door Jethro reached out a hand to pick up the car keys. Tony watched in silence as the normally unflappable man's hand trembled. Without skipping a beat, Tony slid his hand under and scooped up the keys, giving Gibbs shoulder an understanding squeeze.
They drove in silence, each man lost in his own thoughts. Gibbs looked over at Tony, getting a view of his profile. He was an extraordinarily handsome young man and Gibbs continues to wonder how someone so young, smart and attractive could be interested in him. He didn't know how long his relationship with Tony would last, but every day he thanked God for the time he's been given with Tony by his side. Especially on a day like today.
Without taking his eyes off the road, Tony reached down, grabbed Jethro's hand and kissed it softly.
"I love you Jethro, always and forever. I'm not going anywhere, don't want anyone else. And I stand by your side today and every day if you'll let me."
Tony gave the hand another kiss. Jethro was silent as Tony made the turn into the cemetery entrance. Moments later he pulled into a parking space.
He noticed Jethro's hand shaking as it sat on the armrest between them.
"Damn," Gibbs curses softly.
Tony again takes Gibbs hand. "It's okay Jethro. I know you're used to doing this by yourself, out there all alone. But you're not alone anymore. I'm right here with you, baby, I’m right by your side."
"Thank you." the older man replied, giving Tony's hand a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Gibbs took a breath and steeled himself before opening his car door. As Tony rounded the car, they began the walk down the path towards the crowd of people. Just as they reached the edge of the crowd, Tony took Jethro's hand and gave it a squeeze, imparting as much of himself to the older man as he could. He knew this was hard for Gibbs. He knew how much this day meant to Gibbs. Solders lost in battle deserved to be honored.
The people stood silent and somber as a prayer was given. When the last Amen was murmured Gibbs walked up to the microphone.
"Good Morning. My name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It is and honor and a privilege to have been asked to eulogize Caitlin Todd. Cait worked for me as a Special Agent for NCIS. But more important than that, Cait was my friend...
Ducky, Abby, McGee and Tony stood just left of Cait's parents and three brothers. Cait’s mom sobbed softly.
"... were it not for the valiant and heroic acts of Cait, I would not be standing here before you now. Thousands of Americans, civilian and enlisted owe their safety and well being to Caitlin Todd.”
Jethro pauses, his heart constricting. He lost men before, when he was in the Marines. It was sad, but it didn't affect him the way that losing Cait did. His hands began to shake again. ‘Cait shouldn't have died. It should have been me in that casket,' Jethro thought. I let her die. I could have saved her. I should have killed that fucker when I had the chance. I should have known...'
Gathering himself Jethro presses on. He would not breakdown here, not in front of everyone. "Cait was a remarkable young woman. Smart, dedicated, capable. She had a passion for life and a passion for her job. She took pride in her accomplishments, as well she should. She deserves honors and accolades more than I could ever give. She lived and breathed the motto to serve and to protect. Everyday she put her life on the line for the safety and well being of others. She died in the line of duty doing the thing she wanted to do most, to serve and to protect.
I have lost someone very important, very special to me. I have lost a friend.
The Priest says a few more words and prayers are recited. One by one, mourners lay a single rose upon the flag draped casket. Ducky and Abby silently address Cait’s parents, conveying their condolences. As Tony and Jethro approach, Mrs. Todd motions for her husband to help her from her chair. Tony hugs her.
“If there is anything I can do, let me know,” Tony tells her.
“You’re a good boy, Tony. Cait loved you like a brother.” He smiles at her and gives her hands a squeeze.
She turns to Jethro, who is standing formally, having just shaken Cait’s father’s hand. “Mrs. Todd, I am truly and deeply sorry for your loss. I…”
She stills him with a raised hand. “Cait may have looked at Tony as a brother, but you were her mentor, the person she most wanted to be like. The person she had the utmost respect for. She trusted you with her life.”
Gibbs felt himself sink further into a gaping chasm. He had failed Cait. Failed to keep her trust, failed to save her life. How could anyone respect him? He had failed at his job, to keep his team safe, to bring them all home at the end of the day.
Mrs. Todd put her arms around the stiff body of Leroy Jethro Gibbs and spoke softly into his ear. “Cait had told me that if she died in the line of duty that you would blame yourself for it in some way, whether you could have done anything to prevent it or not. And she wanted me to tell you that you are NOT to blame. Jethro, Cait died doing what she did best. She grew up dreaming about serving her country and she did that. And no matter what you think, you are not the reason why she was killed. But you are one of the reasons why she enjoyed life, enjoyed her job. Don’t blame yourself Jethro, we don’t blame you.” She kisses him softly upon the cheek, then steps back, allowing her husband to help her sit again.
Jethro was speechless. He was supposed to comfort the parents, not the other way around. He merely nodded to Mrs. Todd and to Cait’s brothers before walking away from the throng of people.
The drive back to the house was made in silence as Jethro contemplated the past few months. It had finally gotten to him. This past month, with Tony nearly dying from the plague. Jethro blamed himself for not insisting that they leave him the mail to sort through. It was his job, not McGee’s, not Tony’s. He failed at his job and he failed to keep them safe. And because of his failure Tony lay dying. Were it not for the suicide chain in the plague virus Tony would be dead. And then there was the bomb that nearly killed Tony, Cait, and McGee. He should have seen the setup, should have known it was a trap. He should have been the one to check the trunk; yet again he placed his team in danger. And then there was Ari, that fucking prick. Jethro should have shot him on sight, damn the FBI’s operation. This terrorist son of a bitch had shot him, injured Gerald, and threatened the lives of his team on far too many occasions. Fuck it if a few people were injured or killed with the bomb Ari planted, the terrorist would be dead, end of story. And Cait would still be alive. He would have protected her; he would have brought his team home. But he made the wrong fucking choice. He seemed to make the wrong choice all the time. Three failed marriages were his proof. And now his relationship with Tony, it too was destined for failure. Tony couldn’t love him. The young man had so much potential. Tony could have anybody he wanted. Surely he would tire of an old man like Jethro. Maybe it was fun to fuck the Boss. Or maybe Tony was so damn needy that any warm bed would do. No, that wasn’t fair to the young man. He wasn’t at fault here, Jethro was. Jethro knew that one day he would hurt Tony or else drive him away. But why wait for someday. Today was as good a day as any.
When Tony finally pulled up to Gibbs’ house the older man broke the silence. “DiNozzo, go home.”
“We are home, Boss. See that’s your house. And that’s your nosy neighbor’s house.”
“Your home, DiNozzo.”
“We could go there Boss, but you know the bed’s smaller than yours and …”
Jethro cuts him off. “I want *you* to go home. I don’t want you here.”
“What are you talking about?” Tony asks, shocked at Gibbs words, his tone.
Jethro exits the car. “It’s simple, DiNozzo. I want you to go home. Go to your place. Go anywhere, but here.” Jethro stalks up the stairs and into the house, slamming the door behind him.
Tony sits in the car, reeling from Gibbs’ outburst. What the fuck was wrong with Jethro he didn’t know. But he was damn sure going to find out. Quickly Tony exits the car then bounds up the stairs, grabbing and turning the doorknob.
It was locked. The door was never locked. But this time Jethro had locked him out of the fucking house. That pissed Tony off. He had tried being supportive. He tried to give Jethro space. He tried to be understanding. But he’d be damned if he was going to let Jethro fuck him then toss him aside like a worthless piece of trash.
Tony began beating on the door. “Open this door you fucking bastard. Do you hear me, Jethro? Open this fucking door. Let me in. You fucking asshole. Open this door. Face me like a man, Gibbs. What, my ass not good enough to fuck anymore. Son of a bitch. You really are a bastard aren’t you? Open this damn door, Jethro.”
“What the hell is your problem, DiNozzo? I told you to go home.” Jethro says as he opens the door.
“FUCK YOU, Jethro.” Tony pushes past the older man, entering the house. “I’m not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on.”
“DiNozzo…”
“And what’s with this DiNozzo shit all of a sudden. You didn’t have a problem calling me Tony when your cock was up my ass? Or was I just some cheap fuck, just a way for you to get the rocks off. Was I nothing more than your fucking whore, Gibbs?”
“You were never my whore, Tony. What the fuck kind of man do you take me for?”
“You fucking tell me, Jethro. You’re the one that just kicked my ass to the curb. You explain to me what’s going on.”
“I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t. What more do you want from me, Jethro?”
“I don’t want anything from you, DiNozzo.”
“Bullshit! You want me to beg, Jethro? You want me to beg you to let me stay in your bed, in your life? You want me on my knees? What do you want, damn it?”
Gibbs runs an exasperated hand through his hair. “I don’t want any of those things, Tony. I don’t want to use you. I would never do that to you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Like hell. You’re doing it now. You told me to go to hell.”
“I did not. I told you to go home.”
“Yeah, same difference, because you’re through with me. You got into my ass and now you’re done with me.”
“Tony…”
“Don’t fucking Tony me. You told me you loved me. Was that a lie too?”
“I never lied about loving you Tony.”
“Then why the fuck are you pushing me away? What did I do wrong?”
“It’s not you Tony. Damn it. It’s me. Can’t you see that? It’s always been me. I’m no good at this Tony. I’m no good at relationships. I don’t know how to make them work. I don’t know how to keep you safe.” Gibbs walks away from the younger man.
“Is that what this is all about? You think you have to protect me?” Tony talks to Gibbs’ back.
“It’s my job, Tony. It’s what I do. I’m a Marine. I’m the boss. I’m supposed to protect my team. I’m supposed to bring them home safe. I failed. I let Cait…”
“You let Cait what?” Tony asks, turning the older man to face him.
“Damn it Tony, I let Cait get killed. Don’t you fucking understand? I let her get killed. I didn’t protect her. I didn’t bring her home.”
“You’re fucking kidding me right? You think you had something to do with Cait getting killed. Get over yourself Jethro. Ari killed Cait. Not you.”
“It’s my fault. I should have known he was going to kill her. He told me.”
“What? He told you he was going to sit on a rooftop and wait until the firefight was done and we were all ready to leave after saving people from a bomb. He told you that he was going to put a bullet in Cait’s head from over 1000 yards out. He told you that, Jethro?”
“I should have been prepared for it, Tony. Damn it, even first year police officers and military personnel are taught to view everyone and everything as suspect. I failed to do that. I know Ari’s record. I have it memorized. He’s a marksman, a sharpshooter. I knew this. I should have known… Damn it Tony… I should have known.”
Tony pulls Jethro into his arms. “There’s no way you could have known, Jethro. There was nothing you could have done. Cait… Cait died doing the job she loved to do, protecting the people.”
“But Tony…” Tony pulls back to look Jethro in the eyes.
“No buts. You’re a good man Jethro. You do a great job. No one faults you for Cait’s death. No one. And I know if you could have prevented it you would have. But you are not God Gibbs, even though I know you think you are sometimes.”
Gibbs smiles at Tony’s jibe.
“I love you Jethro. I know that you have issues, demons to work out. So do I. I want to be with you. I want us to work things out together. I don’t want to lose you. Please, don’t shut me out. I can’t make it without you. I’ll do anything you want. Just, please, let me stay.”
“I’m so sorry Tony. I didn’t mean to push you away. I… I love you, and I don’t want to hurt you. I thought if we broke it off now…”
“What, you thought it wouldn’t hurt as much. Shit, Jethro, I’ve loved you since I started working for you. It would hurt no matter what. Please, love me back Jethro. Don’t push me away. I need you.”
Jethro pulls Tony in for a deep kiss. “I need you too, Tony. Now, more than ever, I need you too. I’m sorry Tony. I love you.”
They pull apart from the kiss, love shining in each man’s eyes.
“Jethro, I’m here for you. Whenever you need to talk, I’m here to listen. And if you don’t want to talk, then I’ll just hold you. Okay?”
“I don’t feel much like talking right now, Tony. But I’ll take you up on your other offer.”
“Holding I can do. Come on Jethro let’s snuggle up on the couch.”
As they sat on the couch, Tony’s arms and legs wrapped around Jethro’s body, the older man back on Tony’s chest, Gibbs briefly about Cait, and about other fallen soldiers. He had always spent Memorial Day alone. But now he knew he would never be spend it alone again. He would never be alone anymore, thanks to one Anthony DiNozzo. Gibbs smiled and hunkered down into Tony’s embrace.
~end~
E-mail: cpwatcher@sbcglobal.net
Website (if you have one):
Title: Memorial
Quote Used:
Quote 1
All your entrances,
before you walk forward,
you should look at,
you should spy out;
for you can't know for certain where enemies are sitting ahead in the hall.
- from the Poetic Edda (translated by Carolyne Larrington)
Quote 2
"Cause I'm hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me" (Lifehouse)
Link:
Permission to archive: Yes
Memorial
Every year it had been the same thing. He'd get up, alone. He'd eat, alone. (Wives one, two and surprisingly three, viewed this day for early bird specials.) He'd put on his military dress and drive out to Arlington Cemetery, alone. And as he stood there among the many paying their respects, he stood... alone.
His wives never understood him, not really. They never understood his drive, his need, his reasons for joining the Marines, and then later NCIS. He didn't think any woman could understand. That is until he'd met Cait. She understood. That's why he wanted her on his team. She understood because she felt it, lived it, and breathed it, just like he did.
Jethro sat on the side of the bed and sighed. It was 0700 hours and he still had a drive ahead of him. Strong arms slid around his waist, as a solid chest pressed against his back. His neck was kissed gently, and he felt the slight morning stubble rub against his cheek. No words were spoken. He was just given another squeeze and kiss on the cheek, then released, as Tony rose from the bed and padded into the bathroom.
Tony. Jethro smiled as he watched the young man move, graceful in his nakedness. They had come together only a week ago, after dancing around each other for over two years. It was Jethro’s fault that they hadn’t gotten together sooner. He had initiated Rule #12, No dating co-workers. Tony had told him to fuck Rule #12 and the horse it rode in on.
//"I followed your orders, Boss. I didn't die. Now please Jethro, give me a reason to want to keep living."//
And Tony *had* followed his orders of not dying, as he lay in the hospital, his body ravaged by the pneumonic plague. He had kissed Tony later, when he was out of ICU. He kissed him slowly, gently, and thoroughly. It was a kiss that promised more to come, as Tony was still confined to the hospital. But on the day of Tony's release, the promise was fulfilled, as Gibbs loved him slow and easy. Tony has been waking up in his bed ever since.
He showered, and then met Tony in the kitchen for breakfast and his first cup of coffee. They ate minimal conversation between them. He put on his dress uniform and Tony put on a tailored black suit.
As they walked to the front door Jethro reached out a hand to pick up the car keys. Tony watched in silence as the normally unflappable man's hand trembled. Without skipping a beat, Tony slid his hand under and scooped up the keys, giving Gibbs shoulder an understanding squeeze.
They drove in silence, each man lost in his own thoughts. Gibbs looked over at Tony, getting a view of his profile. He was an extraordinarily handsome young man and Gibbs continues to wonder how someone so young, smart and attractive could be interested in him. He didn't know how long his relationship with Tony would last, but every day he thanked God for the time he's been given with Tony by his side. Especially on a day like today.
Without taking his eyes off the road, Tony reached down, grabbed Jethro's hand and kissed it softly.
"I love you Jethro, always and forever. I'm not going anywhere, don't want anyone else. And I stand by your side today and every day if you'll let me."
Tony gave the hand another kiss. Jethro was silent as Tony made the turn into the cemetery entrance. Moments later he pulled into a parking space.
He noticed Jethro's hand shaking as it sat on the armrest between them.
"Damn," Gibbs curses softly.
Tony again takes Gibbs hand. "It's okay Jethro. I know you're used to doing this by yourself, out there all alone. But you're not alone anymore. I'm right here with you, baby, I’m right by your side."
"Thank you." the older man replied, giving Tony's hand a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Gibbs took a breath and steeled himself before opening his car door. As Tony rounded the car, they began the walk down the path towards the crowd of people. Just as they reached the edge of the crowd, Tony took Jethro's hand and gave it a squeeze, imparting as much of himself to the older man as he could. He knew this was hard for Gibbs. He knew how much this day meant to Gibbs. Solders lost in battle deserved to be honored.
The people stood silent and somber as a prayer was given. When the last Amen was murmured Gibbs walked up to the microphone.
"Good Morning. My name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It is and honor and a privilege to have been asked to eulogize Caitlin Todd. Cait worked for me as a Special Agent for NCIS. But more important than that, Cait was my friend...
Ducky, Abby, McGee and Tony stood just left of Cait's parents and three brothers. Cait’s mom sobbed softly.
"... were it not for the valiant and heroic acts of Cait, I would not be standing here before you now. Thousands of Americans, civilian and enlisted owe their safety and well being to Caitlin Todd.”
Jethro pauses, his heart constricting. He lost men before, when he was in the Marines. It was sad, but it didn't affect him the way that losing Cait did. His hands began to shake again. ‘Cait shouldn't have died. It should have been me in that casket,' Jethro thought. I let her die. I could have saved her. I should have killed that fucker when I had the chance. I should have known...'
Gathering himself Jethro presses on. He would not breakdown here, not in front of everyone. "Cait was a remarkable young woman. Smart, dedicated, capable. She had a passion for life and a passion for her job. She took pride in her accomplishments, as well she should. She deserves honors and accolades more than I could ever give. She lived and breathed the motto to serve and to protect. Everyday she put her life on the line for the safety and well being of others. She died in the line of duty doing the thing she wanted to do most, to serve and to protect.
I have lost someone very important, very special to me. I have lost a friend.
The Priest says a few more words and prayers are recited. One by one, mourners lay a single rose upon the flag draped casket. Ducky and Abby silently address Cait’s parents, conveying their condolences. As Tony and Jethro approach, Mrs. Todd motions for her husband to help her from her chair. Tony hugs her.
“If there is anything I can do, let me know,” Tony tells her.
“You’re a good boy, Tony. Cait loved you like a brother.” He smiles at her and gives her hands a squeeze.
She turns to Jethro, who is standing formally, having just shaken Cait’s father’s hand. “Mrs. Todd, I am truly and deeply sorry for your loss. I…”
She stills him with a raised hand. “Cait may have looked at Tony as a brother, but you were her mentor, the person she most wanted to be like. The person she had the utmost respect for. She trusted you with her life.”
Gibbs felt himself sink further into a gaping chasm. He had failed Cait. Failed to keep her trust, failed to save her life. How could anyone respect him? He had failed at his job, to keep his team safe, to bring them all home at the end of the day.
Mrs. Todd put her arms around the stiff body of Leroy Jethro Gibbs and spoke softly into his ear. “Cait had told me that if she died in the line of duty that you would blame yourself for it in some way, whether you could have done anything to prevent it or not. And she wanted me to tell you that you are NOT to blame. Jethro, Cait died doing what she did best. She grew up dreaming about serving her country and she did that. And no matter what you think, you are not the reason why she was killed. But you are one of the reasons why she enjoyed life, enjoyed her job. Don’t blame yourself Jethro, we don’t blame you.” She kisses him softly upon the cheek, then steps back, allowing her husband to help her sit again.
Jethro was speechless. He was supposed to comfort the parents, not the other way around. He merely nodded to Mrs. Todd and to Cait’s brothers before walking away from the throng of people.
The drive back to the house was made in silence as Jethro contemplated the past few months. It had finally gotten to him. This past month, with Tony nearly dying from the plague. Jethro blamed himself for not insisting that they leave him the mail to sort through. It was his job, not McGee’s, not Tony’s. He failed at his job and he failed to keep them safe. And because of his failure Tony lay dying. Were it not for the suicide chain in the plague virus Tony would be dead. And then there was the bomb that nearly killed Tony, Cait, and McGee. He should have seen the setup, should have known it was a trap. He should have been the one to check the trunk; yet again he placed his team in danger. And then there was Ari, that fucking prick. Jethro should have shot him on sight, damn the FBI’s operation. This terrorist son of a bitch had shot him, injured Gerald, and threatened the lives of his team on far too many occasions. Fuck it if a few people were injured or killed with the bomb Ari planted, the terrorist would be dead, end of story. And Cait would still be alive. He would have protected her; he would have brought his team home. But he made the wrong fucking choice. He seemed to make the wrong choice all the time. Three failed marriages were his proof. And now his relationship with Tony, it too was destined for failure. Tony couldn’t love him. The young man had so much potential. Tony could have anybody he wanted. Surely he would tire of an old man like Jethro. Maybe it was fun to fuck the Boss. Or maybe Tony was so damn needy that any warm bed would do. No, that wasn’t fair to the young man. He wasn’t at fault here, Jethro was. Jethro knew that one day he would hurt Tony or else drive him away. But why wait for someday. Today was as good a day as any.
When Tony finally pulled up to Gibbs’ house the older man broke the silence. “DiNozzo, go home.”
“We are home, Boss. See that’s your house. And that’s your nosy neighbor’s house.”
“Your home, DiNozzo.”
“We could go there Boss, but you know the bed’s smaller than yours and …”
Jethro cuts him off. “I want *you* to go home. I don’t want you here.”
“What are you talking about?” Tony asks, shocked at Gibbs words, his tone.
Jethro exits the car. “It’s simple, DiNozzo. I want you to go home. Go to your place. Go anywhere, but here.” Jethro stalks up the stairs and into the house, slamming the door behind him.
Tony sits in the car, reeling from Gibbs’ outburst. What the fuck was wrong with Jethro he didn’t know. But he was damn sure going to find out. Quickly Tony exits the car then bounds up the stairs, grabbing and turning the doorknob.
It was locked. The door was never locked. But this time Jethro had locked him out of the fucking house. That pissed Tony off. He had tried being supportive. He tried to give Jethro space. He tried to be understanding. But he’d be damned if he was going to let Jethro fuck him then toss him aside like a worthless piece of trash.
Tony began beating on the door. “Open this door you fucking bastard. Do you hear me, Jethro? Open this fucking door. Let me in. You fucking asshole. Open this door. Face me like a man, Gibbs. What, my ass not good enough to fuck anymore. Son of a bitch. You really are a bastard aren’t you? Open this damn door, Jethro.”
“What the hell is your problem, DiNozzo? I told you to go home.” Jethro says as he opens the door.
“FUCK YOU, Jethro.” Tony pushes past the older man, entering the house. “I’m not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on.”
“DiNozzo…”
“And what’s with this DiNozzo shit all of a sudden. You didn’t have a problem calling me Tony when your cock was up my ass? Or was I just some cheap fuck, just a way for you to get the rocks off. Was I nothing more than your fucking whore, Gibbs?”
“You were never my whore, Tony. What the fuck kind of man do you take me for?”
“You fucking tell me, Jethro. You’re the one that just kicked my ass to the curb. You explain to me what’s going on.”
“I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t. What more do you want from me, Jethro?”
“I don’t want anything from you, DiNozzo.”
“Bullshit! You want me to beg, Jethro? You want me to beg you to let me stay in your bed, in your life? You want me on my knees? What do you want, damn it?”
Gibbs runs an exasperated hand through his hair. “I don’t want any of those things, Tony. I don’t want to use you. I would never do that to you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Like hell. You’re doing it now. You told me to go to hell.”
“I did not. I told you to go home.”
“Yeah, same difference, because you’re through with me. You got into my ass and now you’re done with me.”
“Tony…”
“Don’t fucking Tony me. You told me you loved me. Was that a lie too?”
“I never lied about loving you Tony.”
“Then why the fuck are you pushing me away? What did I do wrong?”
“It’s not you Tony. Damn it. It’s me. Can’t you see that? It’s always been me. I’m no good at this Tony. I’m no good at relationships. I don’t know how to make them work. I don’t know how to keep you safe.” Gibbs walks away from the younger man.
“Is that what this is all about? You think you have to protect me?” Tony talks to Gibbs’ back.
“It’s my job, Tony. It’s what I do. I’m a Marine. I’m the boss. I’m supposed to protect my team. I’m supposed to bring them home safe. I failed. I let Cait…”
“You let Cait what?” Tony asks, turning the older man to face him.
“Damn it Tony, I let Cait get killed. Don’t you fucking understand? I let her get killed. I didn’t protect her. I didn’t bring her home.”
“You’re fucking kidding me right? You think you had something to do with Cait getting killed. Get over yourself Jethro. Ari killed Cait. Not you.”
“It’s my fault. I should have known he was going to kill her. He told me.”
“What? He told you he was going to sit on a rooftop and wait until the firefight was done and we were all ready to leave after saving people from a bomb. He told you that he was going to put a bullet in Cait’s head from over 1000 yards out. He told you that, Jethro?”
“I should have been prepared for it, Tony. Damn it, even first year police officers and military personnel are taught to view everyone and everything as suspect. I failed to do that. I know Ari’s record. I have it memorized. He’s a marksman, a sharpshooter. I knew this. I should have known… Damn it Tony… I should have known.”
Tony pulls Jethro into his arms. “There’s no way you could have known, Jethro. There was nothing you could have done. Cait… Cait died doing the job she loved to do, protecting the people.”
“But Tony…” Tony pulls back to look Jethro in the eyes.
“No buts. You’re a good man Jethro. You do a great job. No one faults you for Cait’s death. No one. And I know if you could have prevented it you would have. But you are not God Gibbs, even though I know you think you are sometimes.”
Gibbs smiles at Tony’s jibe.
“I love you Jethro. I know that you have issues, demons to work out. So do I. I want to be with you. I want us to work things out together. I don’t want to lose you. Please, don’t shut me out. I can’t make it without you. I’ll do anything you want. Just, please, let me stay.”
“I’m so sorry Tony. I didn’t mean to push you away. I… I love you, and I don’t want to hurt you. I thought if we broke it off now…”
“What, you thought it wouldn’t hurt as much. Shit, Jethro, I’ve loved you since I started working for you. It would hurt no matter what. Please, love me back Jethro. Don’t push me away. I need you.”
Jethro pulls Tony in for a deep kiss. “I need you too, Tony. Now, more than ever, I need you too. I’m sorry Tony. I love you.”
They pull apart from the kiss, love shining in each man’s eyes.
“Jethro, I’m here for you. Whenever you need to talk, I’m here to listen. And if you don’t want to talk, then I’ll just hold you. Okay?”
“I don’t feel much like talking right now, Tony. But I’ll take you up on your other offer.”
“Holding I can do. Come on Jethro let’s snuggle up on the couch.”
As they sat on the couch, Tony’s arms and legs wrapped around Jethro’s body, the older man back on Tony’s chest, Gibbs briefly about Cait, and about other fallen soldiers. He had always spent Memorial Day alone. But now he knew he would never be spend it alone again. He would never be alone anymore, thanks to one Anthony DiNozzo. Gibbs smiled and hunkered down into Tony’s embrace.
~end~