Alas, I have no familiarity with Percy Jackson, so I can't comment there, but I like this. ^_^ It captures the feel of highschool without sounding like the sort of cardboard parody so many highschool stories end up sounding like (Maybe because none of us want to actually remember it all that closely.) And Ben is intriguing!
Sweetie, I've red the whole Olympian series. This does not come across as a PJ rip-off. It's good, and intriguing, and I'd say I want more, but you've got other things on your plate that I want to work on, so I won't ;-), but I do.
Ben's sincere like a lost puppy, don't worry ;D I think I might continue this a bit, after all, and see where it leads me.
As for the dialogue... well. It was a choice, to be honest. I know the structure is off, but I prefer to write dialogue like people actually speak, rather than adhere to strict rules of grammar. If it doesn't "flow" correctly, that's one thing, but the sentence fragments are meant to be there, because Ben speaks in sentence fragments. I guess it's an odd choice to make, just one that I find works for me more often than not. XD
And apparently the PJ thing is just in my head. Probably because I've been devouring the books. (They're really awesome, you'd probably enjoy them. ;D)
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Oddly enough, I have half a plan in mind for Ben. It's Alexi who is harder, and she's supposedly the main character.
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As for the dialogue... well. It was a choice, to be honest. I know the structure is off, but I prefer to write dialogue like people actually speak, rather than adhere to strict rules of grammar. If it doesn't "flow" correctly, that's one thing, but the sentence fragments are meant to be there, because Ben speaks in sentence fragments. I guess it's an odd choice to make, just one that I find works for me more often than not. XD
And apparently the PJ thing is just in my head. Probably because I've been devouring the books. (They're really awesome, you'd probably enjoy them. ;D)
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