Back To December (1/1)
Title: Back to December
Length: 2,020
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None, really
Summary: Quinn made a mistake that she really regrets.
A/N: I was listening to Back to December by Taylor Swift, and thought "Hey, this would make a good Rachel/Quinn fic." So I powered through this (because I'm still working on Collide) and now I'm posting it. Not much else to say. Enjoy!
Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry were the power couple of William McKinley High. They had been dating for a year and a half before the two girls stopped interacting. Everyone assumed that Quinn grew tired of Rachel talking in paragraph and broke up with her. They didn't even know the half of it.
Actually, Quinn loved how Rachel talked in paragraphs. She thought it was a adorable. The students of WMHS were right about her breaking up with the brunette. It had happened about almost four months ago, back in December. December seventh to be exact. She had been accepted to NYU and Rachel wanted to celebrate.
Rachel brought roses, Quinn's favorite. As the couple sat on the couch, no space between their entangled bodies, the brunette started talking about they could possibly get an apartment together in New York.
"Since I will be attending Julliard and you will be attending NYU, it seems fit to get an apartment together. I'm positive my dads will help us on rent while we settle in."
"Whoa, Rach. Slow down. We're only halfway through our senior year."
"Precisely! We graduate in May, Quinn. If we put this off for too long, we won't have anywhere to live!"
The fact of living with Rachel scared her a bit. It wasn't because of the girl, but because of the reality. She never cared to look past graduation when it came to their relationship. The blonde had been too caught up in her own little world to even care to. But now Rachel was talking about apartments, jobs, money, college, living together, and possibly getting a pet. It was too much for Quinn but she wasn't sure why.
Quinn loved- and still does- Rachel. She had told her mom about having a girlfriend three months into the relationship. She wasn't happy but didn't want to lose her daughter again. Judy Fabray learned to accept Quinn's relationship and even grew to love Rachel. Four months after telling her mom, Quinn decided to come out to the entire school. The students took it better than either of the girls would have expected, and they were actually called the power couple. A month after that, Quinn had finally accepted being gay. She knew that there was no one to fear anymore.
But when Rachel kept going on about what would happen after high school was over, that's when that old fear started rising. Lima was a lot smaller than New York City, smaller than the rest of the world. She was going to meet new people, which meant starting the whole process over again. Gaining enough trust to be herself, to let her guard down. It seemed stupid to feel that way. She wasn't ashamed of who she was or calling Rachel her girlfriend. It was just the reality of entering the big world that wasn't as accepting as the people of Lima, Ohio.
It was a world of name calling, insults, hate, and so on. A world she didn't want Rachel to suffer through. She knew the small girl was strong, but she was also vulnerable. Maybe that was the reason she did what she did.
"I understand that. But maybe you should consider the bigger picture first."
"What bigger picture?"
"The world, Rach. It's cruel and dark for people like us."
"People like us? You mean lesbians?"
"Yes."
"That certainly is not true! Look at Ellen and Portia. They are a happily married lesbian couple."
"But their lives were dark and cruel and one point."
"You are only thinking of the negative, Quinn. Are we really going through this again? I thought you weren't ashamed of who you are."
"I'm not. I'm just taking everything into consideration."
"You consider a lot of things, don't you?"
"We can't live inside of this bubble forever, babe."
Quinn hated herself from that point on.
"What are you saying, Quinn?"
"It's best if that bubble is popped now rather than later. We'll be stronger this way."
And just like that, Rachel Berry was out of her life. They stopped talking to each other and even stopped looking at each other. Quinn deleted Rachel's number from her phone, erased any and all pictures of them on Facebook, changed her relationship status, and cried herself to sleep for four weeks straight.
Now it was March and only two months until graduation. Quinn forgot to send in her forms for a dorm and ended up getting an apartment. Her mother would help her with the bills until she could get a job. Deep down, it felt wrong to be making all of these decisions about her future without Rachel. One day, while listening to the radio and doing homework, it hit her. She needed Rachel in her future.
She knew there was only one way to have Rachel Berry listen to her. Through song. After browsing through her entire iTunes library and coming up short, the radio played the perfect song. She patted the radio lightly before looking up the lyrics on Google. The blonde spent all weekend memorizing the song. Quinn called Puck and asked if he could play the guitar for the song. He said he would have it down come Monday after school.
Her nerves got the best of her Monday. She could barely concentrate in any of her classes and she even ran into an open locker door. When she finally got to the choir room after school, the nerves increased. The knot in her stomach tied tighter and sweat trickled down her back.
"Alright, guys. We have a lot of work to do before Regionals."
Quinn's hand snapped up. It was now or never.
"Yes, Quinn?"
"Can I sing something before we get started with Regional stuff?"
Mr. Shue looked at his watch, sighed, and said, "Sure. Take it away."
Quinn nodded towards Puck, who grabbed his guitar and took a seat on a stool near the drum set. The blonde took a deep breath and shook off her nerves. She faced the rest of the Glee club and smiled slightly. When Puck gave her a thumbs up, she waited for him to start. The chords started playing and she closed her eyes.
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Quinn opens her eyes and looks at brown ones. Rachel knows that she's singing to her. Everyone knows.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
Tears welled in her eyes as she moved to the chorus.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
The blonde chuckled on the inside at that line. It was completely true. She wanted to wish Rachel a happy birthday, but knew it would be awkward.
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And I realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
Quinn pushed down the lump that was rising in her throat.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
She noticed the tears rolling down Rachel's cheeks.
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time
Quinn's voice faded and let the tears fall from her eyelids. When the clapping died down, Rachel shot up.
"Excuse us, Mr. Shue."
Rachel grabbed Quinn's wrist and pulled the blonde into the hall. The contact was so foreign and it made the blonde hate herself more. How could she forget what it felt like to have Rachel touch her?
"What was that," Rachel snapped. Tears were still present in her eyes. Quinn knew that the brunette wasn't angered, but hurt. The taller girl doesn't blame her for feeling that way. If the roles were reversed, she would feel the same.
"It was kind of an apology."
"What does it mean?"
"It means," Quinn clears her throat before continuing, "that I'm sorry about that day. I was childish and stupid and didn't realize that I need you. And I know it's a long shot, but I want to be with you again."
"Do you think it's really that easy, Quinn? That you can sing a song and say some touching words, and I'll be like putty in your hands?"
"No. I'm just hoping that you'll be my girlfriend again. I mostly want you to forgive me."
Rachel's features softened and she stared into hazel eyes. Quinn knew that the brunette was contemplating everything she had said. The song, the apology, the needing, the wanting, the hoping, the forgiving. It seemed like a year had passed before Rachel said anything.
"You broke my heart, Quinn," she says quietly. Quinn almost doesn't hear it.
"I know. I'm sorry. I promise I'll never do it again."
"How do I know you've changed?"
"I got an apartment in New York City. It's just like the one you described that night. Equal distance between Julliard and NYU, two bedrooms for when we have guests, pets are allowed, and there's a karaoke bar just across the street."
"And you're paying for this on your own?"
"No, my mom's helping until I can get a solid job."
"Why didn't you apply for a dorm?"
"I forgot about it. My brain was set on other things. Well, one thing. You."
Rachel smiles before wrapping her arms around Quinn's neck. The blonde's own arms instantly slide around the smaller girl's waist. It felt natural to be like this with Rachel. Why did she ever let this go? She put their foreheads together and shut her eyes.
"Since I wasn't as lucky as you on getting an apartment, I guess I'll room with you."
"Does this mean-," Quinn was cut off by Rachel pressing their lips together.
"This is your last chance, Quinn Fabray. Don't mess it up."
Quinn shook her head. She was never going to let Rachel go again. They would move to New York City over the summer, pick out furniture, adopt a kitten, get jobs, and attend college. No, she wasn't going to let go of her favorite brunette. Because if she did, she would be letting go of her amazing future.
Length: 2,020
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None, really
Summary: Quinn made a mistake that she really regrets.
A/N: I was listening to Back to December by Taylor Swift, and thought "Hey, this would make a good Rachel/Quinn fic." So I powered through this (because I'm still working on Collide) and now I'm posting it. Not much else to say. Enjoy!
Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry were the power couple of William McKinley High. They had been dating for a year and a half before the two girls stopped interacting. Everyone assumed that Quinn grew tired of Rachel talking in paragraph and broke up with her. They didn't even know the half of it.
Actually, Quinn loved how Rachel talked in paragraphs. She thought it was a adorable. The students of WMHS were right about her breaking up with the brunette. It had happened about almost four months ago, back in December. December seventh to be exact. She had been accepted to NYU and Rachel wanted to celebrate.
Rachel brought roses, Quinn's favorite. As the couple sat on the couch, no space between their entangled bodies, the brunette started talking about they could possibly get an apartment together in New York.
"Since I will be attending Julliard and you will be attending NYU, it seems fit to get an apartment together. I'm positive my dads will help us on rent while we settle in."
"Whoa, Rach. Slow down. We're only halfway through our senior year."
"Precisely! We graduate in May, Quinn. If we put this off for too long, we won't have anywhere to live!"
The fact of living with Rachel scared her a bit. It wasn't because of the girl, but because of the reality. She never cared to look past graduation when it came to their relationship. The blonde had been too caught up in her own little world to even care to. But now Rachel was talking about apartments, jobs, money, college, living together, and possibly getting a pet. It was too much for Quinn but she wasn't sure why.
Quinn loved- and still does- Rachel. She had told her mom about having a girlfriend three months into the relationship. She wasn't happy but didn't want to lose her daughter again. Judy Fabray learned to accept Quinn's relationship and even grew to love Rachel. Four months after telling her mom, Quinn decided to come out to the entire school. The students took it better than either of the girls would have expected, and they were actually called the power couple. A month after that, Quinn had finally accepted being gay. She knew that there was no one to fear anymore.
But when Rachel kept going on about what would happen after high school was over, that's when that old fear started rising. Lima was a lot smaller than New York City, smaller than the rest of the world. She was going to meet new people, which meant starting the whole process over again. Gaining enough trust to be herself, to let her guard down. It seemed stupid to feel that way. She wasn't ashamed of who she was or calling Rachel her girlfriend. It was just the reality of entering the big world that wasn't as accepting as the people of Lima, Ohio.
It was a world of name calling, insults, hate, and so on. A world she didn't want Rachel to suffer through. She knew the small girl was strong, but she was also vulnerable. Maybe that was the reason she did what she did.
"I understand that. But maybe you should consider the bigger picture first."
"What bigger picture?"
"The world, Rach. It's cruel and dark for people like us."
"People like us? You mean lesbians?"
"Yes."
"That certainly is not true! Look at Ellen and Portia. They are a happily married lesbian couple."
"But their lives were dark and cruel and one point."
"You are only thinking of the negative, Quinn. Are we really going through this again? I thought you weren't ashamed of who you are."
"I'm not. I'm just taking everything into consideration."
"You consider a lot of things, don't you?"
"We can't live inside of this bubble forever, babe."
Quinn hated herself from that point on.
"What are you saying, Quinn?"
"It's best if that bubble is popped now rather than later. We'll be stronger this way."
And just like that, Rachel Berry was out of her life. They stopped talking to each other and even stopped looking at each other. Quinn deleted Rachel's number from her phone, erased any and all pictures of them on Facebook, changed her relationship status, and cried herself to sleep for four weeks straight.
Now it was March and only two months until graduation. Quinn forgot to send in her forms for a dorm and ended up getting an apartment. Her mother would help her with the bills until she could get a job. Deep down, it felt wrong to be making all of these decisions about her future without Rachel. One day, while listening to the radio and doing homework, it hit her. She needed Rachel in her future.
She knew there was only one way to have Rachel Berry listen to her. Through song. After browsing through her entire iTunes library and coming up short, the radio played the perfect song. She patted the radio lightly before looking up the lyrics on Google. The blonde spent all weekend memorizing the song. Quinn called Puck and asked if he could play the guitar for the song. He said he would have it down come Monday after school.
Her nerves got the best of her Monday. She could barely concentrate in any of her classes and she even ran into an open locker door. When she finally got to the choir room after school, the nerves increased. The knot in her stomach tied tighter and sweat trickled down her back.
"Alright, guys. We have a lot of work to do before Regionals."
Quinn's hand snapped up. It was now or never.
"Yes, Quinn?"
"Can I sing something before we get started with Regional stuff?"
Mr. Shue looked at his watch, sighed, and said, "Sure. Take it away."
Quinn nodded towards Puck, who grabbed his guitar and took a seat on a stool near the drum set. The blonde took a deep breath and shook off her nerves. She faced the rest of the Glee club and smiled slightly. When Puck gave her a thumbs up, she waited for him to start. The chords started playing and she closed her eyes.
I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up, and I know why
Quinn opens her eyes and looks at brown ones. Rachel knows that she's singing to her. Everyone knows.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die
Tears welled in her eyes as she moved to the chorus.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days, I haven't been sleeping
Staying up, playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed, and I didn't call
The blonde chuckled on the inside at that line. It was completely true. She wanted to wish Rachel a happy birthday, but knew it would be awkward.
Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And I realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
Quinn pushed down the lump that was rising in her throat.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
So good to me, so right
And how you me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
She noticed the tears rolling down Rachel's cheeks.
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand
This is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time, all the time
Quinn's voice faded and let the tears fall from her eyelids. When the clapping died down, Rachel shot up.
"Excuse us, Mr. Shue."
Rachel grabbed Quinn's wrist and pulled the blonde into the hall. The contact was so foreign and it made the blonde hate herself more. How could she forget what it felt like to have Rachel touch her?
"What was that," Rachel snapped. Tears were still present in her eyes. Quinn knew that the brunette wasn't angered, but hurt. The taller girl doesn't blame her for feeling that way. If the roles were reversed, she would feel the same.
"It was kind of an apology."
"What does it mean?"
"It means," Quinn clears her throat before continuing, "that I'm sorry about that day. I was childish and stupid and didn't realize that I need you. And I know it's a long shot, but I want to be with you again."
"Do you think it's really that easy, Quinn? That you can sing a song and say some touching words, and I'll be like putty in your hands?"
"No. I'm just hoping that you'll be my girlfriend again. I mostly want you to forgive me."
Rachel's features softened and she stared into hazel eyes. Quinn knew that the brunette was contemplating everything she had said. The song, the apology, the needing, the wanting, the hoping, the forgiving. It seemed like a year had passed before Rachel said anything.
"You broke my heart, Quinn," she says quietly. Quinn almost doesn't hear it.
"I know. I'm sorry. I promise I'll never do it again."
"How do I know you've changed?"
"I got an apartment in New York City. It's just like the one you described that night. Equal distance between Julliard and NYU, two bedrooms for when we have guests, pets are allowed, and there's a karaoke bar just across the street."
"And you're paying for this on your own?"
"No, my mom's helping until I can get a solid job."
"Why didn't you apply for a dorm?"
"I forgot about it. My brain was set on other things. Well, one thing. You."
Rachel smiles before wrapping her arms around Quinn's neck. The blonde's own arms instantly slide around the smaller girl's waist. It felt natural to be like this with Rachel. Why did she ever let this go? She put their foreheads together and shut her eyes.
"Since I wasn't as lucky as you on getting an apartment, I guess I'll room with you."
"Does this mean-," Quinn was cut off by Rachel pressing their lips together.
"This is your last chance, Quinn Fabray. Don't mess it up."
Quinn shook her head. She was never going to let Rachel go again. They would move to New York City over the summer, pick out furniture, adopt a kitten, get jobs, and attend college. No, she wasn't going to let go of her favorite brunette. Because if she did, she would be letting go of her amazing future.