My Big, Fat Vampire Wedding
Are we there yet? Why did the wedding have to be so far and in the middle of fall? No one marries in fall.
Just a few more miles, Ma. We know lots of people who get married in autumn. Besides, it’s easier for their side of the family when the day is shorter.
Hmph. It’s bad enough she’s not marrying Chinese. Then, it’s a woman. On top of that, a Dracula! I’m a good Mama for putting up with all of that.
Yes, Ma. You’ve been very good. Just make sure you don’t call them “Draculas” in front of them; “vampires” is more polite.
I hope the food isn’t too bloody, with raw meat. You know I only like meat well-done. I can’t eat that raw beef with a raw egg on top. How can they serve it like that-unfinished? Once you steam it, it’s a perfect dish, although it’s better with pork. People always say they don’t like seeing the whole fish with the eyes at a Chinese banquet. How come they don’t complain about seeing a bloody mass of cow?
I doubt they’ll have steak tartare at the wedding.
***
Well, that wasn’t so bad. Those Stokers are good people. They wore less black than our side of the family. I don’t understand your cousins who wear black dresses all the time, even to weddings. This is not a funeral even if vampires are dead. The Stokers’ customs aren’t so bad, either. Yes, I like them.
Could it be, Ma, that you liked their custom of giving the mother of the non-vampire bride a deed to a house?
I was thinking, if you have to marry a vampire like your older sister, that’s okay. Just try to make the vampire a man and Chinese.
Just a few more miles, Ma. We know lots of people who get married in autumn. Besides, it’s easier for their side of the family when the day is shorter.
Hmph. It’s bad enough she’s not marrying Chinese. Then, it’s a woman. On top of that, a Dracula! I’m a good Mama for putting up with all of that.
Yes, Ma. You’ve been very good. Just make sure you don’t call them “Draculas” in front of them; “vampires” is more polite.
I hope the food isn’t too bloody, with raw meat. You know I only like meat well-done. I can’t eat that raw beef with a raw egg on top. How can they serve it like that-unfinished? Once you steam it, it’s a perfect dish, although it’s better with pork. People always say they don’t like seeing the whole fish with the eyes at a Chinese banquet. How come they don’t complain about seeing a bloody mass of cow?
I doubt they’ll have steak tartare at the wedding.
***
Well, that wasn’t so bad. Those Stokers are good people. They wore less black than our side of the family. I don’t understand your cousins who wear black dresses all the time, even to weddings. This is not a funeral even if vampires are dead. The Stokers’ customs aren’t so bad, either. Yes, I like them.
Could it be, Ma, that you liked their custom of giving the mother of the non-vampire bride a deed to a house?
I was thinking, if you have to marry a vampire like your older sister, that’s okay. Just try to make the vampire a man and Chinese.