(no subject)
Oh yeah, this was so fun to write. :D
Title: Switch
Author: corvidae9
Rating: G
Word Count: ~1930
Summary: The Sorting Hat has sorted thousands of students in the course of its life. If it makes a mistake or two, who's to say it's wrong? Certainly not Fred or George Weasley.
Author Notes: Written for the omniocular September challenge - The Harry Potter AU Extravaganza prompt 40 - A prank by Fred and George confuses the Sorting Hat in Harry's first year, resulting in horrible house mismatches.
ETA: OMG you guys, thank you! :D ♥ Your love has spawned a 'verse. The series is now on AO3, and any updates after The Prisoner will be posted there exclusively: Switchverse on AO3
Fred and George were rambunctious Gryffindors to the core, and prankster geniuses to boot-- this was not news. They'd caused their parents, professors, prefects and classmates neverending sleepless nights and days spent looking over their shoulders and under their seats.
The boys, as a matter of fact were very proud of this reputation, but after two years, they needed more entertainment. School was too easy. The kids were too easy. The houses were tooooo easy. This of course meant that it was time to switch things up.
###
George grinned at Fred after they'd kissed their mother goodbye and hopped aboard the Hogwarts Express, stowed the last of their luggage in record time and were at the open door at the very end of the train.
"We could get expelled for this," he said, not sounding at all deterred.
Fred shrugged, "More time for experiments."
"And we're doing the world a favor," added George as he tugged the hood of his robes up and over his head.
He stepped down as the whistle blew, Fred a step behind, flipping his hood up as well. "You heard the Hat. It wants us to work together."
The train started to move and the boys hopped off and scurried for cover as it pulled away. They slipped back into the building and crept toward the station and closer to the nearest Floo inside the station office.
George couldn't help but laugh. "And with a little luck--"
"--which we can't help but have--"
"--we won't even be caught," they grinned together.
Fred bowed and gestured elegantly toward the hearth. "After you, sir,"
George answered with a little bow and threw his handful onto the flames. "The Hog's Head!"
###
Step One: have a drink No time, plus can't chance being seen.
Real Step One: Jog up to the castle. The long way. Creep in. Be sneaky, etc.
Step Two: Check the map (best find all last year) for potential staff issues. See relevant alternate plans for diversions, etc. if necessary.
Step Three: Stall as long as possible to make sure that the charm will still be in place come the Sorting. Plant some time-activated distractions for later so people can guess wrongly what it is you're looking smug about. Plot further mischief while hiding out and waiting for the Express to approach. It's tricky.
Step Four: Break into the Headmaster's office once Dumbledore disappears off of the map. (List of sweets? Check.)
Step Five: Pour the condensed Confunding solution directly into the Hat. A lot. Should last well over the four hours to the Sorting. Scamper off at top speed.
Step Six: Run back to Hogsmeade. Lurk in the train station until the Express arrives and blend back in with the crowd.
Step Seven: take over the world Look smug. Wait for the fun to begin.
###
The Great Hall was filled with murmurs as the Hat ended a bawdy song lauding the secret and most... err. Special qualities of all four houses.
McGonagall cleared her throat as she shot a stern look at the Hat.
"Hannah Abbott?"
A meek, round-faced girl sat carefully on the stool and The Deputy Headmistress placed the Hat on her head. No one looked more surprised than she as it roared, "Gryffindor!"
Fred and George patted her on the head as she took a seat, looking as amused as she was terrified.
###
They couldn't stop laughing.
"Ron Weasley!"
The Hat giggled crookedly. "Ravenclaw!"
"Mum--" Fred wheezed. "Mum'll be so proud!"
George was almost inaudible, his laughter gone hysterical at the comic look of confusion on their little brother's face. "I always knew he had it in him."
###
The scrawny, bespectacled boy that had just been made a Hufflepuff to a great roar of approval from the Hufflepuff table and Fred and George, sat and looked confused at the pointy-faced blond sitting next to him, remembering what he'd said about where he'd least like to be.
"It won't be so bad, I bet."
The blond looked at the messy-haired boy with an equal measure of shock, fear and loathing. "My father. Is going to kill me."
Trying to look sympathetic, the scrawny kid held out his hand. "Look, sorry about what happened on the train."
The other boy stared at the offered hand for a long shell-shocked moment before finally taking it. "Sure. You're all... special. Maybe you can help keep me from dying at my father's enraged hand." His eyes darted to the prominent scar on the scrawny kid's forehead. "You wouldn't let your friends die like that, would you?"
###
Hermione sat close to the toad boy from the train (Neville, right) at the center of the suddenly very large Slytherin table.
"They... wouldn't really hurt their own firsties would they?" she murmured to Neville, scooting ever closer.
A large girl wearing a Prefect's badge turned her gaze on the bushy-haired firstie. "Tell me about your family, Granger."
Neville patted Hermione awkwardly on the back, "She's m-my second cousin. Pureblood, obviously," adding conspiratorially behind his hand, "they went Muggle a while back. Insanity on that side of the family, you know."
The Prefect narrowed her eyes at Hermione and then turned away. Hermione looked at Neville with a mix of admiration and shock, hissing into his ear, "You lied!"
"P-prove it," stuttered Neville, storing Trevor further in his pocket and away from Flint's glare.
###
Ron sat next to a weeping girl named Parvati and a clearly unimpressed girl named Pansy, for the most part pole-axed as to how the bloody hell he'd turned out a Ravenclaw.
"M-m-mum says Ravenclaws don't have time for silly things like nail polish and-and-and giiiirl magazines," she blubbered. "I like girly magazines! I don't want to die alone in a library with a hundred cats! That's Padma's job!"
Pansy frowned, her pug nose wrinkling further. With a sigh, she muttered, "Oh for Merlin's sake," and pulled out a tiny silver flask embossed with a very dignified-looking snake. Swiftly, she took hold of Parvati's chin and tipped a few drops into her mouth.
"Ptth!" sputtered Parvati. "You've poisoned me!"
Pansy slapped her hand over Parvati's mouth and hissed, "Calming Draught. Shut up and I'll share my cosmetics."
Smiling, Ron elbowed her. "Clever."
Smirking, Pansy cocked her chin. "Ravenclaw. Keep up."
###
A very small, blonde Hannah Abbott sat sandwiched between two large boys who were called Crabbe and Goyle, though which was which escaped her at the moment.
She reached for one pitcher of pumpkin juice that was snagged by the third years across the way, then a bread plate that was taken by the red-headed twins that hadn't stopped laughing since the whole mess had started. Honestly, Hannah came from a long line of proud Hufflepuffs. She'd expected to work hard, keep her head down, make friends that would stay with her for the rest of her life, and in short, be normal. In her mind, nothing in that roared Gryffindor.
Her lip wibbbled as she saw her friend Susan so far away at the Slytherin table, her vision blurring as she reached for the last chicken leg, only to have it snatched by one of the large boys.
"I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT, YOU HULK!" She shouted. The boy set it down on his plate and tilted his head at her, his eyes darting from hers to his mirror image behind her.
"Sorry. I like to eat," he murmured. Then he stood and unceremoniously reached over the two people next to him to grab the next tray of chicken over. He sat and offered it to her. "There's more, see?"
Hannah sniffed, appalled at her own behavior and surprised by his. She nodded and took two, murmuring, "Thank you. Sorry. I just got a little confused."
The other hulking boy spoke up. "Ohhh yeah. Happens to me an' Vince all the time. But we have to be brave about it now, don't we?"
The first boy, Vince, nodded and put the chicken back. "Yeah. Reckon the family won't be too glad about it, but Greg's right. We've got a house to live up to, now." He reached behind Hannah and thumped Greg's back with a loud shout of, "Gryffindor!" The entire table took up the shout over a toast of goblets and chicken legs.
Oddly comforted, Hannah smiled and sat a little straighter. "Vince? Do you suppose you could reach me a jug of pumpkin juice?"
###
"I guess you can't be all that bad if you're a half-blood. That's better than being a Mudblood, at least," muttered Draco sensibly in Harry's direction. Immediately, he was pegged with a roll to the side of the head. Indignant, Draco gasped, opening his mouth to protest as he was hit with another squarely on his forehead. This time it was clear that it had been pitched by the tall, good-looking boy across the table and down a bit.
The boy pointed in Draco's direction. "No talk like that in Hufflepuff. Keep your disgusting ignorance to yourself 'till we can beat it out of you, firstie."
Draco licked his lips and then pointed at Harry. "His Muggles kept him in a closet."
Harry's head whipped around and hissed, "That wasn't exactly for sharing, Malfoy."
"Shh, Potter. I'm trying to make a point here."
The boy pointed right back. "Point taken. You're good at embarrassing yourself and others. Be quiet and find something else to talk about."
"Who do you think you are?!" huffed Draco, but the boy ignored him. "Who does he think he is?" he turned and hissed at Harry.
Harry shrugged, but the girl next to him whispered, "Cedric Diggory, best Seeker in a century."
Draco looked disdainful. "Probably a Mu-"
Another roll hit him in the head and Draco narrowed his eyes as Cedric pointed threateningly. "I'm watching you, firstie."
###
Professor McGonagall covered her face with one hand and said under her breath, "Albus. How? How could this happen? The Potter boy is a Hufflepuff! There's a Weasley in a house other than Gryffindor!" She choked an exhale and shook her head. "I can't make sense of it." She jabbed a finger in the twins' direction. "Those two will not stop laughing. The Hat! Won't stop belching and babbling about taking bottles of beer from the wall!"
Albus steepled his fingers and nodded, though he had yet to answer as Snape set his empty goblet on the tabletop with a loud thump and waited for it to refill with wine. "There is a Longbottom in my house. Refrain from your whining, Minerva, as I clearly have far more to whine about."
Holding up a finger to stop the inevitable bickering, Albus murmured, "These things happen for a reason. Let us wait and watch this unfold, shall we?"
Both Severus and Minerva opened their mouths to protest as a small scuffle broke out at the Hufflepuff table. The Malfoy boy was at once leaping from his seat to hide from a tide of rolls hurled by Diggory and a handful of third years, using a flailing and laughing Potter as a convenient shield.
"Oh! A foodfight," murmured Albus as Professor Sprout bustled over to put a stop to it. He popped another bit of trifle in his mouth and smiled. "How delightful."
###
Fred slung an arm around George's shoulders on the walk back to the Tower. "Crikey. We are brilliant."
Hoarse from laughing, George slumped against Fred. "Was there ever a doubt?"
"Not a one," Fred snickered, holding up three fingers. "Three."
"Two."
"One."
A shriek sounded from the corridor that led to Ravenclaw Tower, followed by matching shrieks from Slytherin and Hufflepuff and finally a great, roiling mill of loud shouts and hopping students just ahead.
The twins bumped knuckles.
"Brilliant."
###
Step One: Plant Insta-Rat pellets all along the paths toward the dormitories. Ideal opportunities include when you're killing time while waiting for the opportune moment to Confund a Hat.
Step Two: ...No, yeah, that's about the extent of that plan.
Title: Switch
Author: corvidae9
Rating: G
Word Count: ~1930
Summary: The Sorting Hat has sorted thousands of students in the course of its life. If it makes a mistake or two, who's to say it's wrong? Certainly not Fred or George Weasley.
Author Notes: Written for the omniocular September challenge - The Harry Potter AU Extravaganza prompt 40 - A prank by Fred and George confuses the Sorting Hat in Harry's first year, resulting in horrible house mismatches.
ETA: OMG you guys, thank you! :D ♥ Your love has spawned a 'verse. The series is now on AO3, and any updates after The Prisoner will be posted there exclusively: Switchverse on AO3
Fred and George were rambunctious Gryffindors to the core, and prankster geniuses to boot-- this was not news. They'd caused their parents, professors, prefects and classmates neverending sleepless nights and days spent looking over their shoulders and under their seats.
The boys, as a matter of fact were very proud of this reputation, but after two years, they needed more entertainment. School was too easy. The kids were too easy. The houses were tooooo easy. This of course meant that it was time to switch things up.
###
George grinned at Fred after they'd kissed their mother goodbye and hopped aboard the Hogwarts Express, stowed the last of their luggage in record time and were at the open door at the very end of the train.
"We could get expelled for this," he said, not sounding at all deterred.
Fred shrugged, "More time for experiments."
"And we're doing the world a favor," added George as he tugged the hood of his robes up and over his head.
He stepped down as the whistle blew, Fred a step behind, flipping his hood up as well. "You heard the Hat. It wants us to work together."
The train started to move and the boys hopped off and scurried for cover as it pulled away. They slipped back into the building and crept toward the station and closer to the nearest Floo inside the station office.
George couldn't help but laugh. "And with a little luck--"
"--which we can't help but have--"
"--we won't even be caught," they grinned together.
Fred bowed and gestured elegantly toward the hearth. "After you, sir,"
George answered with a little bow and threw his handful onto the flames. "The Hog's Head!"
###
Step One: have a drink No time, plus can't chance being seen.
Real Step One: Jog up to the castle. The long way. Creep in. Be sneaky, etc.
Step Two: Check the map (best find all last year) for potential staff issues. See relevant alternate plans for diversions, etc. if necessary.
Step Three: Stall as long as possible to make sure that the charm will still be in place come the Sorting. Plant some time-activated distractions for later so people can guess wrongly what it is you're looking smug about. Plot further mischief while hiding out and waiting for the Express to approach. It's tricky.
Step Four: Break into the Headmaster's office once Dumbledore disappears off of the map. (List of sweets? Check.)
Step Five: Pour the condensed Confunding solution directly into the Hat. A lot. Should last well over the four hours to the Sorting. Scamper off at top speed.
Step Six: Run back to Hogsmeade. Lurk in the train station until the Express arrives and blend back in with the crowd.
Step Seven: take over the world Look smug. Wait for the fun to begin.
###
The Great Hall was filled with murmurs as the Hat ended a bawdy song lauding the secret and most... err. Special qualities of all four houses.
McGonagall cleared her throat as she shot a stern look at the Hat.
"Hannah Abbott?"
A meek, round-faced girl sat carefully on the stool and The Deputy Headmistress placed the Hat on her head. No one looked more surprised than she as it roared, "Gryffindor!"
Fred and George patted her on the head as she took a seat, looking as amused as she was terrified.
###
They couldn't stop laughing.
"Ron Weasley!"
The Hat giggled crookedly. "Ravenclaw!"
"Mum--" Fred wheezed. "Mum'll be so proud!"
George was almost inaudible, his laughter gone hysterical at the comic look of confusion on their little brother's face. "I always knew he had it in him."
###
The scrawny, bespectacled boy that had just been made a Hufflepuff to a great roar of approval from the Hufflepuff table and Fred and George, sat and looked confused at the pointy-faced blond sitting next to him, remembering what he'd said about where he'd least like to be.
"It won't be so bad, I bet."
The blond looked at the messy-haired boy with an equal measure of shock, fear and loathing. "My father. Is going to kill me."
Trying to look sympathetic, the scrawny kid held out his hand. "Look, sorry about what happened on the train."
The other boy stared at the offered hand for a long shell-shocked moment before finally taking it. "Sure. You're all... special. Maybe you can help keep me from dying at my father's enraged hand." His eyes darted to the prominent scar on the scrawny kid's forehead. "You wouldn't let your friends die like that, would you?"
###
Hermione sat close to the toad boy from the train (Neville, right) at the center of the suddenly very large Slytherin table.
"They... wouldn't really hurt their own firsties would they?" she murmured to Neville, scooting ever closer.
A large girl wearing a Prefect's badge turned her gaze on the bushy-haired firstie. "Tell me about your family, Granger."
Neville patted Hermione awkwardly on the back, "She's m-my second cousin. Pureblood, obviously," adding conspiratorially behind his hand, "they went Muggle a while back. Insanity on that side of the family, you know."
The Prefect narrowed her eyes at Hermione and then turned away. Hermione looked at Neville with a mix of admiration and shock, hissing into his ear, "You lied!"
"P-prove it," stuttered Neville, storing Trevor further in his pocket and away from Flint's glare.
###
Ron sat next to a weeping girl named Parvati and a clearly unimpressed girl named Pansy, for the most part pole-axed as to how the bloody hell he'd turned out a Ravenclaw.
"M-m-mum says Ravenclaws don't have time for silly things like nail polish and-and-and giiiirl magazines," she blubbered. "I like girly magazines! I don't want to die alone in a library with a hundred cats! That's Padma's job!"
Pansy frowned, her pug nose wrinkling further. With a sigh, she muttered, "Oh for Merlin's sake," and pulled out a tiny silver flask embossed with a very dignified-looking snake. Swiftly, she took hold of Parvati's chin and tipped a few drops into her mouth.
"Ptth!" sputtered Parvati. "You've poisoned me!"
Pansy slapped her hand over Parvati's mouth and hissed, "Calming Draught. Shut up and I'll share my cosmetics."
Smiling, Ron elbowed her. "Clever."
Smirking, Pansy cocked her chin. "Ravenclaw. Keep up."
###
A very small, blonde Hannah Abbott sat sandwiched between two large boys who were called Crabbe and Goyle, though which was which escaped her at the moment.
She reached for one pitcher of pumpkin juice that was snagged by the third years across the way, then a bread plate that was taken by the red-headed twins that hadn't stopped laughing since the whole mess had started. Honestly, Hannah came from a long line of proud Hufflepuffs. She'd expected to work hard, keep her head down, make friends that would stay with her for the rest of her life, and in short, be normal. In her mind, nothing in that roared Gryffindor.
Her lip wibbbled as she saw her friend Susan so far away at the Slytherin table, her vision blurring as she reached for the last chicken leg, only to have it snatched by one of the large boys.
"I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT, YOU HULK!" She shouted. The boy set it down on his plate and tilted his head at her, his eyes darting from hers to his mirror image behind her.
"Sorry. I like to eat," he murmured. Then he stood and unceremoniously reached over the two people next to him to grab the next tray of chicken over. He sat and offered it to her. "There's more, see?"
Hannah sniffed, appalled at her own behavior and surprised by his. She nodded and took two, murmuring, "Thank you. Sorry. I just got a little confused."
The other hulking boy spoke up. "Ohhh yeah. Happens to me an' Vince all the time. But we have to be brave about it now, don't we?"
The first boy, Vince, nodded and put the chicken back. "Yeah. Reckon the family won't be too glad about it, but Greg's right. We've got a house to live up to, now." He reached behind Hannah and thumped Greg's back with a loud shout of, "Gryffindor!" The entire table took up the shout over a toast of goblets and chicken legs.
Oddly comforted, Hannah smiled and sat a little straighter. "Vince? Do you suppose you could reach me a jug of pumpkin juice?"
###
"I guess you can't be all that bad if you're a half-blood. That's better than being a Mudblood, at least," muttered Draco sensibly in Harry's direction. Immediately, he was pegged with a roll to the side of the head. Indignant, Draco gasped, opening his mouth to protest as he was hit with another squarely on his forehead. This time it was clear that it had been pitched by the tall, good-looking boy across the table and down a bit.
The boy pointed in Draco's direction. "No talk like that in Hufflepuff. Keep your disgusting ignorance to yourself 'till we can beat it out of you, firstie."
Draco licked his lips and then pointed at Harry. "His Muggles kept him in a closet."
Harry's head whipped around and hissed, "That wasn't exactly for sharing, Malfoy."
"Shh, Potter. I'm trying to make a point here."
The boy pointed right back. "Point taken. You're good at embarrassing yourself and others. Be quiet and find something else to talk about."
"Who do you think you are?!" huffed Draco, but the boy ignored him. "Who does he think he is?" he turned and hissed at Harry.
Harry shrugged, but the girl next to him whispered, "Cedric Diggory, best Seeker in a century."
Draco looked disdainful. "Probably a Mu-"
Another roll hit him in the head and Draco narrowed his eyes as Cedric pointed threateningly. "I'm watching you, firstie."
###
Professor McGonagall covered her face with one hand and said under her breath, "Albus. How? How could this happen? The Potter boy is a Hufflepuff! There's a Weasley in a house other than Gryffindor!" She choked an exhale and shook her head. "I can't make sense of it." She jabbed a finger in the twins' direction. "Those two will not stop laughing. The Hat! Won't stop belching and babbling about taking bottles of beer from the wall!"
Albus steepled his fingers and nodded, though he had yet to answer as Snape set his empty goblet on the tabletop with a loud thump and waited for it to refill with wine. "There is a Longbottom in my house. Refrain from your whining, Minerva, as I clearly have far more to whine about."
Holding up a finger to stop the inevitable bickering, Albus murmured, "These things happen for a reason. Let us wait and watch this unfold, shall we?"
Both Severus and Minerva opened their mouths to protest as a small scuffle broke out at the Hufflepuff table. The Malfoy boy was at once leaping from his seat to hide from a tide of rolls hurled by Diggory and a handful of third years, using a flailing and laughing Potter as a convenient shield.
"Oh! A foodfight," murmured Albus as Professor Sprout bustled over to put a stop to it. He popped another bit of trifle in his mouth and smiled. "How delightful."
###
Fred slung an arm around George's shoulders on the walk back to the Tower. "Crikey. We are brilliant."
Hoarse from laughing, George slumped against Fred. "Was there ever a doubt?"
"Not a one," Fred snickered, holding up three fingers. "Three."
"Two."
"One."
A shriek sounded from the corridor that led to Ravenclaw Tower, followed by matching shrieks from Slytherin and Hufflepuff and finally a great, roiling mill of loud shouts and hopping students just ahead.
The twins bumped knuckles.
"Brilliant."
###
Step One: Plant Insta-Rat pellets all along the paths toward the dormitories. Ideal opportunities include when you're killing time while waiting for the opportune moment to Confund a Hat.
Step Two: ...No, yeah, that's about the extent of that plan.