Comments | confiteor_3: Kiss the Cook ~part 3

confiteor_3

Kiss the Cook ~part 3

Jul 11, 2006 10:41

Title: Kiss the Cook (3/4 ( Read more... )

Comments 11

critique of Kiss the Cook tara_block July 12 2006, 02:42:21 UTC

The story line is coming along nicely. Just a couple of things I noticed. When talking about freeing Dobby, you've written {Finding him already looking at Draco.} Draco is talking, he would not refer to himself as Draco. Next what was Harry's motivation for licking Draco's wand so soon? Third, when they were in the loo, when was the light turned on so Draco find the sink? Don't forget that you want your readers to be sure of who is talking and thus making the story easier to understand. You have the advantage of knowing exactly who is talking.

I love the parady of Potions class.
Having them owling each other with good natured insults was a good way to show them becoming friends without having to tell us. Obviously, you've got what it takes, now run with it.

Re: critique of Kiss the Cook confiteor_3 July 12 2006, 09:55:45 UTC

Thank you so much for the advice/corrections. It's really handy. *rereads and tries fixing*

devilfancy July 12 2006, 03:58:32 UTC

Lovely characterization.
You actually made me feel for both of them.
Good job.

confiteor_3 July 12 2006, 09:57:01 UTC

Thanks for the comment. Yay, I made you feel for them. :)

(The comment has been removed)

confiteor_3 July 12 2006, 09:57:56 UTC

Hehe *tries to be mysterious* I don't know...
Thanks for commenting

sugareey July 12 2006, 07:02:40 UTC

I really want to see where this goes! I like how this is an exception for things to happen too fast as a way to deliberately give they boys to think what they really want. Good work!

confiteor_3 July 12 2006, 09:59:52 UTC

Thank you. :)

phoenixwing July 12 2006, 08:33:38 UTC

Oh... the angst. I love it. I am most definitely adding this fic to my rec list once it's done >__<

"air condition" -> "air conditioning"
"He’d seen him angry...pleasure, and love" -> this paragraph should all be written in the past tense, like the rest of the fic
"pouring over the books" -> "poring over the books"

Can't wait till the last part >_

confiteor_3 July 12 2006, 09:53:54 UTC

Hehe, you like the angst. I figured, they're going so fast, something has to happen. :)
Yet again, thank you muchly for the corrections!
Gaa! I'm stuck on the next part. I'm stuck. *flails* But I hope to get it up today...