Xoobilation Chapter 4

[concupiscence66]

Vince watched Howard's face change as he lost the dewy, loving expression and returned to his usual paranoia.  Vince wasn't going to let Howard give him a wedding ring while he was clearly off his rocker, but he wasn't going to let Howard ruin the moment either.  He eased Howard onto his back and resumed kissing every freckle he could find.   Vince had never been good with words, but he could let Howard know that he was special and beautiful.  He knew all of Howard's insecurities and all of his vanities, and Vince was sure he could make things good for him.  Vince just needed to put his own desires aside, so he could read Howard's body language and facial twitches.  With Howard, it was all there, plain as day, but most people didn't take the time to hear what Howard said without a word.

Vince made his way down Howard's body, licking and kissing his cock, but careful not to get the big man too excited.  He wanted to take his time and do things right.  He kissed the inside of Howard's thighs and mouthed his testicles until Howard was squirming.  When he moved his mouth lower, to Howard's tightly puckered entrance, he felt his partner tense and suddenly relax, as though he'd just unburdened himself of a terrible secret.  Maybe later, Howard could bum Vince through the mattress, but right now, he was putting himself wholly in Vince's hands and trusting him to make things right, and there was no way Vince would let him down.  He used his fingers and tongue to get Howard relaxed and stretched and ready.  Vince added a little flavored lubricant for safety, and then he added a lot more lubricant when he realized he was actually going to have sex with Howard.  Ten million fantasies had not prepared him for the reality of Howard naked, looking hopeful and a little scared, with his legs spread wide.  He used a pillow to prop Howard's hips into a better position, and then there was nothing left to do but to go ahead and do it.  He wanted to watch Howard's face as he entered him, but the Northerner kept his face pressed into Vince's neck.  Vince moved slowly, letting Howard adjust and let Vince know when he was ready for more.  Years of study, bordering on obsession, let Vince read Howard's movements.  Howard could hide his face, but not the way his legs were trembling or the obvious effort he was putting into not digging his fingers into Vince's back.  Of course, it would never occur to Howard that anyone was trying to read his body language.  Howard was prepared for judgment, not admiration.  It had been a long time since Howard had truly believed anyone would look at him and see something special.  Vince had watched Howard's bravado become thinner and more brittle with every failure - real or imagined - but he admired the way Howard never gave up on his dream of being special.  As self-destructive as it was, Vince found something beautiful in Howard's refusal to settle for being ordinary.

When Howard's nails sank into his skin, Vince knew he'd found the right angle.  He couldn't help but smile when Howard whispered an apology, but he was set on making Howard forget his manners completely.  He kept their bodies as close as the angle allowed while he kissed Howard's neck and ears, trying to politely avoid his mouth, but Howard seemed to have lost all his qualms about hygiene.  He was clinging to Vince with every inch of his body while he ran his tongue over Vince's teeth.  Vince tried to stay focused on blowing Howard's mind, but he was beginning to think he hadn't given Howard enough credit.  Maybe Howard didn't need any experience to be the best lover Vince had ever had.  Maybe Vince hadn't been the only one secretly studying his friend's every move.

Howard whimpered, "please," and Vince knew exactly what he meant.  He rocked his hips harder until Howard again buried his face in Vince's shoulder and finally came on Vince's stomach.  As soon as he felt Howard's body tense, Vince knew it was all over.  Vince's own orgasm rocked him to his core, leaving him shaky and exhausted.  He took his time pulling out of Howard, who had his eyes squeezed shut, like he was in pain.  Vince used Howard's shirt to clean them up, while Howard continue to shake.  Vince wasn't sure if the shakiness was a good or bad sign.  He knew his own hands were shaking as he tried to gently but thoroughly wipe the semen from various parts of their bodies.  He was embarrassed he'd forgotten to wear a condom, and certain that Howard would not want to wake up covered in their combined bodily fluids.

Vince didn't want to think about the morning.  Thinking too far into the future was dangerous.  When Howard finally relaxed, Vince ran to the bathroom to get a warm, wet flannel to give Howard a proper cleaning.  When he returned, he was surprised to find Howard sound asleep.  It was endearingly male for Howard to have fallen asleep so quickly, but Vince was aware of his own sudden exhaustion. They'd had a long day.  He carefully cleaned Howard's chest and belly before moving to more sensitive parts.  When he felt satisfied that Howard was more or less 'clean,' he curled up next to the big man and fell asleep, staring at the unopened presentation box on Howard's dresser.

xxx

Howard awoke to the feel of white-hot lights burning into his retinas.  After he realized that someone had turned the lights on in the middle of the night, he became vaguely aware of the fact that he was not in his own bed.  Even blinded, Howard would know his sensible sheets from Vince's whorehouse silk.  He was in Vince's bed.

"Naboo says the two of you are bellyaching because you can't remember last night," Saboo grumbled.  "I suppose I don't have enough to deal with - only all of Shoreditch seeing Tony Harrison make tender love to an armchair."

Howard squinted and saw Vince sitting up at his side.  Vince looked younger with no makeup or hair product.  After more than a decade of friendship, Howard had rarely seen Vince in his natural state.  It was alarmingly intimate.

Howard's clouded mind suddenly cleared, and he felt a flush spreading through his face and chest.  He'd done things with Vince he hadn't even realized he wanted to do, and he felt certain that anyone looking at him would know every detail.  It was surely emblazoned on his skin.

Saboo snapped his fingers in front of Vince's face.

"What happened last night?" he asked as Vince's blue eyes tracked his fingers.

"We had a party, and things got weird."

"Obviously," Saboo snorted.  "Did you get off with the geometry teacher or not?"

"Well... I got off. He decided to save himself," Vince answered without hesitation.

"Great.  That's ruined my appetite, and I was supposed to have dinner with my mother.  She'll be livid if I can't eat because I am imagining the two of you humans, flopping about..."

"Thank you, Saboo," Howard said, grateful that the tactic actually succeeded in silencing Saboo's rant.  "Now, if you could just retrieve my memories..."

"Most of it will return on its own as the magical effects fade.  You have your answer, and I have more important things to do."

"Like have dinner with your mother?" Howard asked in a neutral tone.

"I'll have you know my mother is a gifted conversationalist, as well as being a dynamo in the kitchen."

For a moment, Howard thought Saboo had disappeared in a cloud of smoke, but then he realized that it was just Naboo entering the room.

"All right, Naboo?" Vince called, absurdly cheerful for the middle of the night.

"Did you get your answer?" Naboo asked, looking vaguely interested.

"Vince humped Howard's leg and then they both went to sleep," Saboo explained.  "Thank you so very much, Naboo, for roping me into this.  What a wonderful use of my time - I think not."

"Get going before your mum starts calling," Naboo sneered.

"You wish my mother would call you," Saboo retorted.  "I'll have you know..."

"Gentlemen!" Howard spoke with all the authority he could muster.  "Can the two of you piss off?  It's very late, and we're very tired..."

Howard fell silent when Naboo and Saboo both turned their knowing looks on him.  He found himself pulling his sheet up a bit higher.

"Yeah, we'll let you get back to... bed," Naboo snickered as he steered Saboo out their bedroom door.

When the door closed, Howard considered pulling the sheet up all the way over his head.

"Howard?"

He waited for Vince to finish his thought, but there was only silence.

It was concern more than bravery that allowed Howard to turn his head and look at his friend.  He was surprised to see his own fears reflected in his friend's face.  Maybe not the exact same fears...

But Vince looked afraid, and that was unacceptable.

Howard had to battle through a tangle of sheets, but he managed to get his arms around Vince, who crumpled in his embrace like so much cracker bread.

"Don't take it so hard, Vince.  I'm sure you can wrangle an invite to Mama Saboo's house," he teased, willing Vince to pick up the joke and make things okay between the two of them.

Instead, Vince sighed and rubbed his forehead on Howard's bare shoulder.

Howard tried to relax and enjoy the moment, but his mind was whirring.  He wondered if being able to hold Vince and stroke his hair meant losing the childish quality of their friendship that had buoyed him through so many hard times.  He always thought of love in serious terms - love was serious business - but he didn't want to lose what he already had with Vince.

"I got off," Vince whispered, "and then I asked you what you wanted..."

Howard wasn't sure if he’d actually formed a word or just grunted, but Vince seemed to get his message to continue.

"And I was listing things and... I started to think maybe it wasn't right," Vince continued in a hushed tone.  "I said maybe you should wait until you were sober to make that kind of decision..."

As Vince spoke, vague memories began to form in Howard's mind.  He remembered Vince's unfocused eyes somehow boring into his soul.

"And you said... You agreed."

"What did I really say?"

Vince gave a guilty start.  Vince had always been a bit naive that way.  He thought that because Howard didn't call him out on his obfuscations, that he didn't catch every one of them.

"You said something like..."

"What did I actually say?" Howard prompted before Vince could create a silly and non-threatening version of reality.

"You said you wanted to remember it.  With me.   You wanted to remember getting off with me."  Vince spoke haltingly.  Howard hardly needed to be an expert in Vince's habits to see that he was trying very hard to be honest without telling the truth.

Howard could read between the lines and guess that he'd said something a bit more romantic, maybe something a little too over-the-top in its sentiment to be repeated.  Howard wasn't concerned about what he said.  He wanted to know if Vince had believed it.

"I'm glad I waited.  I'm glad I remember every second of it," Howard said, wishing he could think of some better words.  He wanted to make a declaration.  Lacking any kind of verbosity in the aftermath of their strange encounter with Saboo, which had followed on the heels of an even more discombobulating series of events, Howard took his cue from Vince and tried to express himself nonverbally.  He felt a bit cloddish as he kissed Vince's cheekbones and eyebrows, but he liked the feel of the strong angles under his lips.  He'd always envied Vince's distinctive features, and the way his face changed depending on how the light was hitting him.  The strong arch over his eyes could make him look dark and mysterious or childlike and innocent.  No matter how Howard tilted his own head, his reflection always showed the same tiny, furtive eyes.

Howard kissed the flattish bit of Vince's nose that always made him think of a diamond.  Then he kissed Vince's strong jaw and pointy chin, while his partner didn't so much swoon as squirm and look uncomfortable.  He wondered if Vince would have felt more comfortable with a full face of makeup and dressed in one of his elaborate outfits.  Howard knew how it felt to be out of his element.   There had only been a few times in Howard Moon's life where he'd actually been in his element, and those moments tended to end in heartbreak and deep shame.

"Do you want to fix your face?" Howard asked, not keen to have more time alone with his thoughts, but wanting Vince to be comfortable.  It wouldn't do for them both to be awkward and on edge.  That was Howard's specialty.

Vince's hands flew to his face, smacking Howard in the process.

"My face!  My hair!  I must look like a homely hedgehog."

"You look like a beautiful hedgehog," Howard corrected.

Vince laughed and hid his face with his hands. "Do you swear I don't look like the Crack Fox without the cool accessories?"

After Howard assured him that he bore no resemblance to a mangy monster-fox, Vince seemed to relax.  He returned Howard's kisses and caresses and made breathy noises that Howard wanted to hear again and again.  Although Vince continued to cover his face and hair if Howard stared too long, he insisted he didn't want to bring things to a halt while he put himself together.

Vince didn't have any freckles, so Howard kissed the bits of his chest and stomach that weren't too hairy and found himself staring at Vince's cock.  He'd seen it before - he'd more than seen it hours earlier (the thought still made him go red) - but he wasn't sure how to handle such a... delicate procedure.

"You don't have to," Vince assured him.  "But I did take a shower, if that's got you worried..."

Howard took a tip from Vince and metaphorically jumped in with both feet.  He allowed Vince to steer his pace by tugging his hair.  It was pretty easy to tell when Vince wanted more or wanted him to hold back, though both commands involved sharply pulling his hair.  Howard took it as one more sign that they were meant to be together.  When Vince handed him a bottle of lubricant, Howard was tempted to call a time-out to clarify what Vince wanted, but he found Vince quickly made his intentions clear.  As Howard pushed his first finger in, he half expected Vince to cry out in pain or yell at him to cut his fingernails, but Vince just moaned and wiggled his hips until Howard's finger completely disappeared.  The skin felt so soft and delicate, Howard couldn't imagine how it would be pleasant to have more than a finger in there.

But he remembered how good it had felt to have Vince inside of him.  His brain had all but shut down as he’d focused entirely on the tingling nerve endings that Vince had teased with every gentle stroke.  It had been brilliant, and exciting, and well worth the slight discomfort.

"We don't have to... switch positions, Vince.  I enjoyed..." Howard couldn't think of a word he could say out loud to describe what they'd done.  "I enjoyed what we did."

"I know," Vince smirked.  "And now it's my turn."

Howard tried to take his time, but Vince kept hurrying him along.  When Howard finally had to say he was worried about hurting him, Vince shook his head and called him a Fraggle.

"You won't hurt me, Howard.  I'm tougher than I look."

"But if I were to say that I wanted to make love to you..."

Vince immediately stiffened and looked away.  "Enough of that, Howard.  Let's keep things moving before the rest of the Shaman Council show up."

"That's what it is for me," Howard explained.  "I want to make love..."

"I know!  Just quit saying it!" Vince cried, covering his ears.  "That's not how real people talk.  That's just for books."

"I like books."

Vince smiled. "I know, but I'm not like a book character.  I don't have all kinds of layers.  I'm just simple."

The irony of Vince claiming not to have layers even as he cringed at the word ‘love’ in the bedroom did not slip by Howard, but he chose not to pursue it.  He had bigger fish to fry.

"But you know that I love you..."

"Yes!" Vince snapped.  "And I love you.  Can't we just get to the bumming?"

"Why does it bother you when I say I love you?"

"’Cause I'm messed up."

Howard looked into Vince's suddenly sad blue eyes, and he understood.  Being 'messed up' was a feeling Howard knew only too well.

"Good, because I am going to mess you up fun times," Howard growled.  It was good to finally be able to laugh about Eleanor.  It had taken a long time.

Vince laughed and pleaded for mercy, but Howard continued to use Eleanor's most upsetting lines until Vince was completely relaxed (and crying a bit).

With Vince fully relaxed, Howard hesitantly tried to enter him, but nothing much happened.   Vince quickly stepped in and gave him a hand, and Howard found himself thinking of Eleanor again, just to stave off his orgasm.  Nothing should have felt as good as being inside of Vince.  It was positively indecent.  Vince's tight muscles contrasted against the soft and delicate skin and made Howard wonder why he'd been so foolish for so long.

"Relax, Howard.  Just do what feels good," Vince murmured.  Howard tried to imitate the slow and gentle moves Vince had used, but Vince kept encouraging him to go harder and faster.  When Howard came - entirely too soon - he heard Vince say, "Genius."

It took a while for Howard's brain to resume functioning, but he made sure to keep his eyes wide open.  He didn't want to repeat his earlier faux pas.  He'd wrongly thought that all orgasms were roughly the same, but Vince had shown him how very wrong he was.  Howard hadn't been ready for the chemical rush of his first orgasm with Vince, and he was only slightly better prepared the second time around.

"It's okay if you want to go to sleep," Vince teased.  "Don't strain a muscle trying to keep those little button holes open.  I'll take care of things."

Vince started to scoot away, though he hadn't yet had his own orgasm.

"So, Howard.  Which did you like better?" he asked as he tried to climb out from under Howard.  "Are you a top or a bottom?  Or are you a..."

"Versatile virtuoso?  I haven't completed my research."

Howard pinned Vince down and used every tip he'd ever seen on the internet or in a ladies’ magazine to give Vince the best blowie possible.  He was chuffed that he could take most of Vince's length with relative ease, and Vince seemed to share his appreciation.  When he whimpered, "I'm going to come," and tugged at Howard's hair - Howard refused to retreat.  Apparently, he'd done a good job, because Vince's orgasm seemed to last forever.  Howard felt brave when he felt Vince's semen on his tongue.  The taste was neither pleasant nor unpleasant.  It reminded Howard a little bit of hazelnut coffee.  Howard swallowed more out of necessity than for show, because there seemed to be no end in sight.

"Sorry," Vince giggled. "You don't have to..."

Howard looked up as Vince's face contorted again.  He wasn't sure about his other performances, but his blow job had clearly been dead on.  Vince looked ready to have a stroke.

"Um... I think I'm done... I'm done," Vince announced, looking embarrassed.  "That was... Wow."

Howard felt very proud of himself.  He also felt very sticky and sleepy.

"Thank you, Little Man."

"For letting you give me a blowie?" Vince laughed.  "Any time.  What are friends for?"

Howard kissed Vince, running his tongue along his teeth and savoring the long-dreamt-about intimacy.

"Thank you for trying so hard to make everything just right," Howard clarified.  "I'm inexperienced, yes, but you'll find Howard Moon to be an apt pupil, and I intend to dedicate myself to learning every technique..."

Vince silenced him with a kiss.  Howard tried to relax and be in the moment, but that had never come easily to him.  Even when he took Vince's hand in his own, he couldn't stop his mind from planning the future.  Vince's fingers were much bigger than his mother's.  He would have to get her ring resized.

"I love you," Howard whispered into Vince's ear.

"Stop saying it out loud! It's doing my head in."

Howard looked at Vince's nervous expression and figured he'd have plenty of time to get the ring resized.  He had a feeling Vince still had a few commitment issues to work through.  Howard wasn't going to rush things.

It wouldn't do for the children to see Vince so skittish.

"Don't go making crazy plans," Vince warned.  "You know how you get."

"One day at a time," Howard replied.  "We have all the time in the world."

Vince gave him a strangely shy smile and hugged him tightly.

Howard could go slow for Vince.  Vince was worth waiting for.

But that didn't mean he couldn't sit down with an adoption agency and learn about his options.