Comments | concentrictime: Tales of the Abyss

meimi in concentrictime

Tales of the Abyss - Nezach: Day 1

Oct 28, 2008 02:52

Since I'm reediting this story, I'm just going to migrate it over here. That way everything will (hopefully) be in one place. Apologies for the resulting deluge!

( Where are you? )

nezach, tales of the abyss

Comments 16

darkpsycho1000 October 28 2008, 08:16:47 UTC

I DON'T CARE IF I'VE ALREADY READ IT DDD8 *reread* |D ...... it makes me feel so content! AND GODDAMMIT COMPUTER FINE WE CAN RESTART FOR UPDATES NOW!!

meimi October 28 2008, 08:59:35 UTC

>.> Why are you still up? D: Shouldn't you be in bed, young lady?!

darkpsycho1000 October 28 2008, 09:00:48 UTC

At this hour?? Why :D it's only 4 am! I still got 2 hours to go before I die from utter exhaustion!

meimi October 28 2008, 09:02:42 UTC

:| Well, at least you're using the right icons for this streak of masochism.

Thread 5

yhibiki October 28 2008, 11:00:02 UTC

Um, what's your policy on concrit? :O Yes, no, in private only?

Anyway, this was my first time reading it, and I definitely enjoyed it. :) Luke hearing creepy voices, the screaming and everything was written pretty well. I also think you got Jade's voice down perfectly.

meimi October 28 2008, 11:14:03 UTC

You can say anything in public if you want to. =) I don't mind~ I'm not perfect! I know this fact very well. >.>;;;

yhibiki October 28 2008, 11:20:50 UTC

Hahha. I got into a HUGE debate a couple of weeks back with a girl who refused to accept concrit (even though there were so many people telling her her story needed work).

Anyway, I guess my main concern is the jumping POV. For the most part, you're writing in third-person limited, Luke's POV, so when there's a paragraph in the middle of that describing Guy's thoughts I get thrown out of the loop. Guy's POV is okay at the ending, because it's clearly separate. However, the scene where Luke is trying to ease the pain in his wrist has a random Guy POV that forced me to stop to re-read and make sure I got it right. (I kind of noticed this habit in your Vesperia fics too).

meimi October 28 2008, 11:29:57 UTC

...lol. XD;;

Hmm, I've never really thought about that before. I'm not entirely sure I can do anything about it either. o_o;; I think I like getting into the characters' heads a bit too much for my own good. Probably what attracted me to fanfiction in the first place, reading stuff from different viewpoints? Among other things. *cough* But I'll try to keep it in mind for future stuff? :D;;;

Thread 11