River/Jayne
Title: En Avant
Author: finding_jay
Pairing: River/Jayne, Kaylee/Simon
Rating: PG:13
Warnings: Violence. Also not exactly dial-up friendly. Set a couple of years after the BDM.
Summary: There are times when Kaylee thinks that River's stuck in one place, frozen like a photograph. The steps are so small that it seems she's a standstill. Instead, River tip-toes forward so slowly that nobody notices.
Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly.
Notes: Written for memorysdaughter as part of serenity_santa's 2008 Secret Santa. I hope you enjoy it =)
For Christmas, Kaylee received a camera from her Dun Che Lao Ren on the ship. Although she didn’t strictly celebrate Christmas (Spring Festival was far more common on her home planet), she loved the festivities and taking part in the celebration on the ship. Even Mal seemed to get into it, even if he did tell them to keep the sparklers and streamers from the cockpit.
Kaylee knew that Simon gave her the camera. He was the only one who could afford it, apart from Inara, and Inara had told her the week before that her Dun Che Lao Ren was Zoe. Kaylee spent the rest of the day taking pictures with it. It was the sort that could switch between video and still images, and while the videos were fun to play back, she found something strangely intimate about the stills. It was a capture in time, a snapshot of that person, or place, or thing at one moment, frozen forever.
Kaylee, of course, had taken pictures before. She had had her picture taken. She had even owned a camera once in her life, but had dropped it in a puddle in Persephone and it hadn’t worked since.
It was over Christmas dinner, though, that Kaylee discovered the brilliance in taking still images. It was dark and a little blurry, but there it was. Just Simon and River laughing over something she couldn’t remember the next day. River still didn’t laugh much, even after Miranda. She seemed happier- at least she wasn’t slicing people up- but laughter was still a rarity.
She stuck the picture up on her wall by her bed and decided then that she was going to photograph River. She didn’t make a vow or a promise or even a conscious decision, but when she reflected back a year later, that seemed to be the pinpoint moment when River became her muse.
*
It was in mid-January when they made their next delivery. Kaylee had been taking pictures (or as she liked to call them, happy snaps) ever since Christmas. She had kept her camera with her wherever she went, in case an opportunity arose to take another picture. Most of them seemed to be of Serenity’s engine- not that Kaylee minded, but it wasn’t exactly the most inspiring of images, even to someone like her. She put them into a box and keeps them in her bunk; they were still worth something.
They arrived in Newhall with the cargo ready to be shipped. It was half a dozen tractors. For Kaylee and River, they became a new source for their games of hide and go seek. While River invariably found Kaylee lying under them (she couldn’t get her body to fit any other way), Kaylee found River in a whole range of positions, most leaving her confused and joints aching at the mere thought of it. Their games came to a stop, though, when Mal found River laying in one of the wheels, her legs above her head and a delighted grin on her face.
‘Found me!’ she said as she waved at him with her foot.
While Kaylee doubled over with laughter, Mal seemed less than amused. He turned to Jayne, who had been lifting weights during the games and demanded to know why he let them get away with it. Jayne shrugged in response.
‘Kept ‘em from swinging from the bars,’ he said. He set the weights he had been lifting back on the rack for added emphasis.
By the time they landed on Newhall, the incident had been long forgotten. The locals invited the crew into town, with an added request they were allowed to stay for dinner so long as they were shown how to use the tractors. Kaylee was subsequently nominated for the job, which was something she didn’t mind as she had spent so long under the tractors that she knew how they worked already without switching them on.
Simon didn’t want River to go, though. Although Mal repeatedly assured him there was no danger to him or River (at least not in the immediate vicinity), Simon wanted to keep River on the ship, where he could watch her. Throwing his hands up in defeat, Mal finally bid them farewell and to enjoy their night while the rest of them were eating freshly roasted pork with fresh vegetables and fresh water and fresh other whats-its. River waved them off, seemingly unperturbed at being forced to stay behind by her brother.
It wasn’t until they reached the festivities that Kaylee realised she had left her camera behind. Her disappointment didn’t last long, however, because once she returned back to Serenity, she found a picture taped to her door. She laughed when she saw it and it took it down to add to the collection of photos she chose to keep stuck on her wall.
‘They stole my soul,’ River said when Kaylee saw her the next day. ‘I stole it back.’
There were times when Kaylee didn’t understand what River was saying and this, she decided, was definitely one of those times.
*
Kaylee’s home world was built up mostly of cattle stations and wheat farms and she liked it that way. The city was more like a big country town. It wasn’t uncommon for folks to pick up and move off during droughts, though the Fryes had been living there for as long as anyone could remember. When they received word that they were to deliver a shipment there, Kaylee spent the next week in transit making sure everybody knew everything there was to know about her Mama and Daddy. She was surprised when Jayne took an interest, though she later found out that he had been raised in a similar situation.
As Kaylee spoke animatedly about her late great-grandaddy and how he brought the farm up from nothing more than a few acres and sand to Jayne in the dining area, she saw River stick her head in, eyes wide as she watched them. Kaylee waved her over and River tiptoed in. Slipping into a seat next to Jayne, she crossed her legs, looking expectantly at Kaylee as she waited for her to continue.
‘They should be settin’ up for Spring Festival soon,’ she continued on. ‘Mama makes the best niangao. Hopefully the captain’ll let us stick around long enough to have it.’
‘We used to have jau gok,’ River said, her voice soft. She was staring intently at the table. ‘It was the only thing our mother cooked by herself. I used to watch her. Long time ago. Payments of the past. Past the heating point, melted down and packed away for later. Nothing resembles what it did then.’
Eyeing River, Jayne let out a soft grunt before standing and making a move to wash out his cup of coffee. Just another one of River’s tangents; it was nothing to get worked up about.
By the time they touched down on the planet, Kaylee had planned everything. She would introduce everyone to her parents, take them around Serenity and maybe even show off Simon if he stopped being so tightly wound up. Of course, she’d need to get Mal’s permission for two of the three things, but she was sure he’d say yes (or at least she hoped he would). The thing she wanted the most, though, was to spend time with her family and enjoy the Spring Festival celebrations.
After they had arrived and settled in, with everyone on Serenity meeting her family and the neighbours and the people that ran the local store and the Jacobsens who sometimes helped out on the farm and Mal started saying he was half considering leaving her on the planet, Kaylee’s mother finally told them about the Spring Festival celebration that was happening later that week. Before Kaylee could even beg to stay, Mal said it should be okay if they hung around for a few more days. It was then that Kaylee realised that Mal had discovered her Mama’s cherry pie.
The Spring Festival celebration was a big one, and people liked to get dressed up. As River watched people set up stalls and activities, she announced that she wanted to join in with the festivities. Simon hesitated and said it might not be safe- big crowds were still an issue.
‘Aw, it’ll be good for her,’ Kaylee said, playfully hitting his shoulder. ‘Get her around some people. Everybody’s been introduced to you now anyways.’
Simon pursed his lips, and while he didn’t say yes or no, Kaylee ended up dragging her aside and showing her some dresses she had been able to fit into when she was fourteen but since had grown too tight. Telling her to let her know when she picked one out, Kaylee headed back to find her family.
The dress River ended up choosing was a little large on her, and it hung loosely from the thin straps that kept sliding down her shoulders. She didn’t seem fussed, though. She spun around in delight and remarked on the flowers that use to grow by the Le Qu River near her house on Osiris. While Simon just pursed his lips and murmured about not to cause a fuss, Kaylee thought it was absolutely delightful and nudged Jayne while saying what a mei ren River was turning into.
The celebrations were well under way by the time they arrived. Cotton candy was billowing through the wind and people were lighting candles for lanterns to flow down the river when the night came to an end. People were milling about game booths where oversized stuffed toys sat precariously on the shelves, waiting to be won. One caught River’s eye, where three balls had to be thrown into a bucket in order to win a prize.
‘Not tonight, mei-mei,’ Simon said uncertainly, well aware River would do it with ease.
River’s face fell, and while she stared longingly at one of the large bears, she let herself get dragged away. Kaylee shook her head and sighed.
‘Ain’t right,’ she started, turning to where Jayne had been staring moments before. He was gone, though, having headed over to the booth River had been looking at. Racing over, Kaylee watched as he picked up the first of the balls. ‘What’re you doin’?’
Without speaking, Jayne threw the balls, each flying into the centre bucket. Taking the bear that was handed to him, Jayne tucked it under his arm.
‘Girl’ll probably be going on about it all night,’ he said as way of explanation.
River, of course, was delighted when the bear was presented to her. She dragged the bear around until it was time to get back to Serenity.
The cargo bay was filled with stuffing two days later.
‘It snows on Osiris during Spring Festival,’ she said.
Kaylee decided not to question as to why the bear’s head remained stuffed and mounted on her wall.
*
A virus was making its round through the ship. It wasn’t anything bad; just a case of the sniffles, typical body pain and the need to sleep upwards of sixteen hours. Simon repeated ten times a day that there was nothing he could give anyone and they would just have to sleep it off.
River got it the worst. Having been in The Academy for the better part of two and a half years meant that her immune system wasn’t as healthy as that as everyone else on the ship. Of all the training they put her through they forgot to train her immune system. She didn’t complain. In fact, River didn’t say much at all. Simon ended up diagnosing her with laryngitis. She just flopped around in her room and common area. Her head lolled on her shoulders and Simon started getting anxious when her fever didn’t break.
It took her just over a week to finally start breaking out of the fever. She was still hot to touch and her glands were swollen, but the worried look on Simon’s face was less severe and occasionally River would croak out a few of her vague phrases that characterised her.
‘Xi jun zhan shi,’ she said hoarsely over breakfast one day.
She was slumped in her seat, a pencil in hand as she scrawled over a piece of paper. She had taken to drawing more than ever when she had the energy. Mal had praised her, saying it was a hobby she could keep doing so long as she didn’t start doing it on the walls. River had been so sick at that stage, Kaylee doubted River had heard.
‘Always hear,’ River murmured. ‘Always here.’
The pictures River drew didn’t make much sense, at least to anyone on the ship. Kaylee realised that, deep down, whatever River said or did, did have some meaning, if only to her. River never did anything on the fly. While her mind moved so fast that things she did may seem to be on impulse, Kaylee realised, as did everyone on the ship, that everything meant to something to her, and as such, nearly everything could be linked back to The Academy.
Her drawings looked hurried and sketchy. Although Kaylee saw her drawing them sometimes, her movements were slow and lethargic, but once she was done, they looked as though the pictures had popped into her head and she had to get them out as soon as possible before they disappeared. River would stick them up above her bed, like a bastardised version of Kaylee’s picture gallery. Kaylee looked at them, trying to figure out what they were. There were parts she recognised in the smudged outlines, like wires and screws and pipes. It dawned on her one day that River was drawing a ship.
‘Had us go through it,’ River said as Kaylee mulled over her thought. ‘Break in, disarm and disable the guards that got in our way.’ She set down her pencil and shoved the last piece of paper in Kaylee’s hands. ‘Nowhere is ever safe. Early rising.’
Simon ended up pulling the drawings down two weeks later. He said they bothered him, and it wouldn’t do River any good to sleep in a room while surrounded of memories of The Academy. Kaylee later found them in a mishmash pile outside her bunk door. As much as she hated to admit it, the drawings were fascinating, despite what they would have meant for River, and for what they would have meant for the people who had been aboard that ship when The Academy decided to attack.
*
Despite managing to shake the worst of her cold off, River was still lethargic and feeling under the weather when April came around. She still piloted the ship, and on some days, that seemed to be the only thing that dragged her out of bed (other than Simon’s daily injections, of course). Her drawings had come to a standstill, and the stuffed bear’s head had since relocated to sitting on top of Jayne’s barbells.
‘She better not start gettin’ crazy again, doc,’ Mal warned. ‘Can’t have a bus hi gu niang flyin’ the ship.’
‘Better not start droppin’ things around, either,’ Jayne muttered as he picked the bear up by its ear and flung it towards the door heading to the infirmary.
River couldn’t seem to escape her funk, though. She flopped over chairs and tables, seemingly growing lost in her own thoughts. Simon said the illness had taken a toll on her body and now she lacked energy. She would be fine, he reassured everyone, though Simon did seem concerned himself.
Kaylee was taken by surprise one morning to find Jayne in the kitchen and at the stove. River was at the table, chin on it, staring at a spoon. The smell of soup filled the air and Kaylee watched as Jayne stirred the pot.
‘I must be zuo meng. Whatcha doin’?’
Taking the pot off the stove, Jayne poured the contents into the bowl already sitting on the bench. The remains of their few vegetables swam beside hunks of protein. Kaylee eyed the empty container of chicken stock beside the used dishes. Grabbing the bowl, Jayne rounded the bench and set it beside River. River stared at it for a moment before lifting her head and dipping her spoon into it. She tasted it, eyes staring off into whatever world she let herself drift into, and then started it eating it hungrily.
‘Not gonna let her get crazy again,’ Jayne muttered as he went back to set the dishes in the sink. ‘More energy she has, less crazy she gets. ‘sides, girl could use a feed or two.’
Finishing her meal, River pushed the bowl away and moved onto her feet. She was about to head through the door when Jayne stopped her.
‘Ain’tcha gonna say anything?’
River stared and cocked her head, seeming to consider his question. ‘You can cook,’ she said, as though the idea was amusing to her, before turning and heading out of the kitchen.
Smirking, Kaylee sniffed the bowl and set it in the sink with the rest of the dishes. River had a point- Kaylee never knew Jayne could cook, nor that he cared about anyone that much to actually go and do it.
‘She’s got a point. Maybe next time you could cook for the rest of us, dong ma?’
Scowling, Jayne shrugged past her and started to wash up the mess he had made. Jayne’s soup, though, did seem to perk River up. Her energy returned in a few days and by the time they were heading into view of their next stop, she was healthy enough to land Serenity safely. While Simon took it to mean that the River had finally shaken the bug and her health had returned in due course, Kaylee had a sneaking suspicion Jayne’s odd show of compassion had something to do with it. Besides, she liked to believe in miracles and was a romantic at heart.
*
The Rim planet they landed on was hot and dry. Nothing out of the ordinary for a Rim planet, other than the fact it was heavily populated and sandstorms were more frequent than not. The sun scalded the land the locals said that whatever trees grew usually burnt down long before anybody got to use the shade because of the heat.
Everybody was happy to get off the ship, though. They’d been flying for the better part of six weeks and everybody was starting to get cabin fever. River had finally gotten better and she had taken full advantage of it by dropping sweets and the like down people’s bunks. Kaylee had found it fun at first until she woke up one morning with the heat turned up and a messy pile of chocolate goo at the foot of the ladder. By the time she had managed to climb up and start her morning duties, Jayne had already chased River around the ship and Mal had given her a stern talking to about when chocolate should be given out. Nobody knew where River got the chocolate from. Nobody knew where River had hidden, either.
River ended up emerging, though, when they landed. They promise of solid ground beneath their feet was too exciting for River to ignore, like everyone else. While Mal and Zoe went to settle the job, Inara took Kaylee and River to look over the local souvenirs. While it was one of Inara and Kaylee’s favourite pastimes, Simon rarely let River out of his grips for long enough to poke around. However, River had rubbed chocolate into a good half dozen of Simon’s shirts and she ran off while he was still cussing.
While the heat made them tug at their collars and roll their sleeves up, Kaylee was just happy for a change in temperature. It was usually mild in the ship, when the heat wasn’t being played with. Not too warm and not too cold, but it was still fun to go and try something else. A change of scenery was even better. As Inara spoke to River about a few of her recent clients, Kaylee took a few pictures, with the idea of sending a few back to her folks. When she looked at them later, she saw a few of River smiling. It looked slightly forced in some of them, but in others she looked genuinely happy.
She showed them later to Simon, with Jayne and Inara sitting nearby.
‘It’s her birthday next month,’ Simon murmured as he looked at one of the photos. He squinted an eye and handed it back. ‘She’d be having her debutante ball soon.’
‘Debutante ball?’ Jayne repeated.
‘It’s a ball presenting young eligible women,’ Inara clarified as she looked over the pictures.
‘River won’t have hers,’ Simon said, sounding mildly disappointed. Taking the photos, he put them in a pile and handed them back to Kaylee. Without a word, Simon stood and left the kitchen to head to his room.
Kaylee knew that although River was missing out on a lot of things now, she would have missed out on a lot more if she hadn’t been taken from The Academy; her innocence, for one. She was able to live her life how she wanted to now, even if she did have certain limitations. Kaylee just hoped Simon didn’t restrict those further.
*
River’s birthday was on the day they landed on Bernadette. Although a Central planet, it was closer to the Rim than most and the Alliance presence was low and concentrated mostly on the other side of where Serenity landed.
River didn’t mention her birthday, and was quiet for a good part of the morning. For a while, Kaylee thought that maybe River had forgotten her birthday, or thought everybody on the ship, Simon included, had. That didn’t seem at all likely, though, seeing as River could probably remember a minor detail someone spoke of three years ago, and even if she couldn’t, she could still read someone’s mind and find out what she wanted. Kaylee wanted to bring it up, though. She wanted to ask Simon if he had bought her anything, she wanted to ask Mal if it would be at all possible to hold a birthday celebration, even if it meant another round of protein cake. They spent most of the morning, though, unloading crates from the ship and finishing the deal.
To everyone’s surprise, though, including River’s, during dinner that night, Simon presented River with a present. It was wrapped in thin crepe paper, with a thick satin bow on top. River stared at it for a long moment, as though trying to assess its danger level. Finally, she lifted her head and looked at Simon quizzically.
‘Happy birthday,’ Simon said.
‘Why?’
A frown crossed Simon’s features for just a moment before he recovered. ‘It’s your birthday,’ he said. Then, as if remembering, ‘there’s a, a... It’s your twentieth birthday. Do you remember what that means?’
Squinting an eye at Simon, River looked at him before seeming to catch on. ‘Dresses and parties and champagne. Presentations. The debutante ball.’
Simon nodded, a small smile on his face. He pushed the present towards her again, this time with force. ‘I spoke to those in charge today,’ he said, not just to River but to the rest of the table. ‘And they said you were more than welcome to attend... if you wanted. You don’t need to.’
Continuing to stare at him, River tilted her head, and then looked back at the present, her hands folded on her lap.
‘Aren’t you going to unwrap it?’ Inara asked, a mixture of humour and surprise in her voice.
Without a word, River picked the package up and, silently, left the kitchen. Simon watched her go, looking vaguely hurt. Biting the inside of her cheek, Kaylee took a sip from her cup and cleared her throat.
‘When’s the ball, Simon?’
‘You’re not going,’ Mal added quickly.
‘Wasn’t gonna ask,’ Kaylee replied.
‘Tomorrow,’ Simon said, turning back to his meal. His fork scraped on his plate. ‘We don’t have to stay.’
‘No. We’re staying,’ Mal said, surprising everyone with his firmness. At the raised eyebrows, he continued on. ‘’bout time your sister went and did something normal girls her age do. ‘specially from her own world.’
Simon must have spoken to River about it again later because right before dinner the following night she appeared in a chocolate brown dress. The hem hung above her knees, and a thin black necklace wrapped around her neck. Pulling at the satin experimentally, she looked down at herself, head cocked. She seemed nonplussed by it; while the dress was, for lack of a better word, rather unexciting, River still seemed confused. As Kaylee took a few pictures of River, Inara spoke quietly to Simon.
‘Why don’t I do River’s hair and make-up?’
‘I think she looks fine,’ Simon murmured.
‘It’s her debutante. She should be allowed to dress up.’
Pursing his lips together, Simon watched as River started to tug on her hair. ‘Fine,’ he said shortly. ‘But... keep her demure, please.’
Delighted, Inara called to River and motioned for her to follow her. Following, Kaylee in tow, the three headed to Inara’s shuttle. As River brushed her hand along the walls, Inara pulled out her make-up kit and started to line out various cosmetics, Kaylee sitting beside her. Turning her attention to the cupboards, River started opening them and pawed through them. Inara watched her for a second, then spoke.
‘You’re a very pretty girl, River. Do you know that?’
‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’
‘Are you looking forward to the ball?’ Inara asked, ignoring River’s dismissal of her comment.
‘Every girl does, growing up on a Central planet.’
‘I wish I had a debutante,’ Kaylee sighed dreamily.
Smiling at her, Inara pushed her hair from her face. She turned back to River, watching as she pulled a pale blue dress from her cupboard and studied the material.
‘What’s your favourite colour, River?’
River was silent for a long moment. Kaylee thought she hadn’t actually heard Inara. She dug through the cupboard once more, and then pulled out a long dress. It flowed well past her bare feet, the bright colour warming her pale skin more so than the brown of the dress she wore. She ran a hand down the soft material and held out the skirt.
‘Yellow,’ she finally said. ‘It means happiness. It brings joy. It is the colour of Monday. Monday’s child is fair of face. Wednesday child is full of woe. Wednesday’s child should be happy. Aura of intelligence, of scientists. I like yellow.’
Lifting her head, she turned to Inara and Kaylee and gave a smile.
Simon didn’t recognise his sister when he first saw her. Kaylee knew the magic of eyeliner and a lick of lipstick, and Inara knew how to work a hair curler, but River did the rest herself. She was happy, excited and, most importantly, feeling confident. For the first time in no doubt years, River was able to be a girl for once. Not a fugitive, not a weapon, just a sister and friend and part of Mal’s crew, and a twenty-year-old woman who was going to laugh and dance and dine on rich chocolate cake and spend the evening with others her age who were hopeful of the future ahead.
As Simon spluttered and demanded to know just what had happened to River, Mal gave her his best wishes and Zoe gave her a hug and a motherly kiss on the cheek. Jayne raised an eyebrow at her and nodded, at a loss for words. He watched as Simon led River from the ship, announcing he would be her guest for the ball (he refused to use the word ‘date’, with all its connotations), making no attempt to hide the way he looked over River’s body.
‘Ain’t she a beauty?’ Kaylee sighed once they had disappeared.
Jayne, having been caught, muttered something about women and River being crazy and headed off. Giggling, Kaylee looked over the photos she had taken and gave a wistful sigh, remembering her own ball and decided to go and pull out her dress. River wasn’t the only one who could have a bit of fun that night.
*
After her birthday and the debutante ball, River snuck into Inara’s shuttle one afternoon while they were planetside and ransacked her make-up kit. She got away with half a tube of lipstick, a palette of eye shadow and a tube of eyeliner. As Kaylee helped Inara pick through the mess later, she couldn’t help but wonder why River just didn’t run off with the entire bag. But, on the other hand, Kaylee wondered why River wanted any of it at all- other than the night of the ball, she cared little about her appearance. In saying that, though, it was River, and everything River did had her own motivation behind it.
They were on Persephone for a few days. Inara had two clients booked, Mal wanted to pick up a few supplies and Zoe wanted to visit her mother and sister who had arrived at the same time. Simon decided to go along to see if he could find some med supplies as they were running low. They also had to wait for Badger to get their next job, and Kaylee didn’t mind; she loved flying but several weeks in the black made her love being on the ground just as much. Besides, it gave her a chance to work on the engine. A few bits had been rattling while they were making their landing, and things like that could grow into worse problems.
She was wedged under the engine, elbow deep in wires and circuits when she heard a banging on the wall. Calling out, she wriggled her elbow out and squirmed out from beneath the engine.
‘You gotta see this,’ Jayne said.
Without asking what he was talking about, Kaylee jumped up and followed him. Heading to the stair railing over the cargo bay, Kaylee looked down to see River below. She was wearing one of Inara’s petticoats, and the tulle swam around her legs, giving the idea of a long tutu. She was spinning around, moving to music that Kaylee and Jayne couldn’t hear.
‘Stay here,’ Kaylee whispered.
Moving quickly, Kaylee rushed back to her bunk to find her camera. Grabbing it, she returned to find Jayne where she had left him, eyes fixed on River. She was still dancing, moving gracefully over the dirty cargo bay floor. Nudging Jayne in the ribs, breaking him of his gaze, Kaylee motioned for him to follow. They headed down the stairs as quietly as possible. They had just reached the end when River whipped around, stopping a foot short of them, Kaylee’s camera already raised.
‘What were you doing?’ Kaylee asked, knowing full well. ‘It was beautiful.’
‘Dancing,’ River replied.
‘Why?’ Jayne asked, is tone suggesting she better give a good explanation.
River’s lips were stained red from Inara’s stolen tube of lipstick. The way she had pinned her hair back from her face, and the gaudy bright blue eye shadow and black eyeliner made her eyes seem wider, more intent on reading them.
‘An interpretation of fencing. A graceful form of attack. An evolution into its own kind, of beauty and art.’
They couldn’t, of course, expect River to give a straight answer.
Without a word, River stepped back and turned, going back to her dancing.
‘Chan fa kuang gu niang,’ Jayne muttered to himself.
Smirking, Kaylee snapped a few pictures, deciding maybe she’d give some to Jayne later. After all, there was no harm in admiring a beautiful woman.
*
Kaylee was working in the engine room when she heard Jayne cursing loudly. His voice echoed through the metal corridors and was promptly followed by Mal hollering at him to quiet it down. Slipping out from the jungle of wires, Kaylee bounced down to the kitchen, only to find River squealing and racing behind Zoe while Jayne, red in the face, glared at her, Kaylee’s camera clutched in one hand and a photo in the other.
‘What’s going on?’ Simon asked, appearing behind Mal in the opposite doorway.
‘That’s what I want to know,’ Mal added, heading over to Jayne.
‘The scoundrel’s playing with technology beyond his means,’ River sang playfully from behind Zoe. ‘The flash of light sends you on a dizzying trip.’
‘Girl trying to liang wang me,’ Jayne growled, shoving the camera in Kaylee’s hands. ‘Was going to return this to you and she goes about luan tiao out.’
Once he had left, they turned to Zoe expectantly. She laughed and pulled River’s hand from where she had been clutching her shirt. ‘Just as he said. Jayne turned around and River popped out from behind the couch in the common area and he chased her up here.’
Later, Kaylee found the photo Jayne accidentally took stuck on the door to her bunk, along with River’s spelling correction. Laughing, she added it to her growing collection. She looked happy; who could deny her that? Besides, River had taken a liking to teasing Jayne ruthlessly lately. That was enough to make her giggle.
*
River got hurt.
Kaylee didn’t know how it happened. A group of rebel forces on Persephone went and decided to go on a siege against the Alliance. They were there, getting med supplies of all things, when debris and shrapnel started raining over them. Simon was on the other side of the building when the windows cracked.
She didn’t scream or anything. Kaylee did and immediately started ducking for cover. It was only until Jayne went and grabbed River’s leg that she joined them on the floor. Her face was already cut open by then. She’d been standing right near the window when the explosion occurred.
Simon said later she was in shock but it didn’t seem like that to Kaylee and Jayne. Jayne later said when they’d cleaned up and River was asleep, that he’d seen folk in shock before. River wasn’t in shock, he said. He couldn’t say what was going on, but she definitely wasn’t in shock. She was calm; perfectly calm. Maybe it was The Academy training.
There was so much blood.
‘We gotta do something!’ Kaylee cried over the noise. She could hear the wail of medics already. River and Simon were still on the run.
‘Take a gorram picture,’ Jayne yelled, trying to find something to stop the bleeding.
‘What?’
‘Take a gorram picture so Simon can fix ‘er up later!’ He had managed to find some surgical swabs and was doing his best to clean the blood off River’s face as more dust settled down on them.
River passively reached out and grabbed a metal object and put it in Kaylee’s hand.
‘What’m I meant to do with this?’ Kaylee whimpered, clutching it loosely.
‘Surgical staples,’ River said calmly, rocking as Jayne harshly rubbed her face.
Kaylee choked. ‘I- I can’t! I can’t, di yu!’
Jayne snatched the implement from her hand. As another shudder went through the building, he pressed the stapler against River’s cheek and pressed down.
Simon vowed never again. They were never leaving the ship, unless it was to drop them off on some remote planet the Alliance never came to, and they would stay there. Mal sighed and Zoe told Simon to sleep on it. They were both still alive. They weren’t after him or River. River would heal. She was a strong girl.
Simon nearly hit Jayne. Her face would scar, she almost bled to death, she was injured.
Jayne growled that River was alive and he better be gorram grateful for it because she was the one that told them to shove the metal in her face.
Later, Kaylee found Simon sleeping next to River in her room. He had pushed her hair back, one hand lying just below the swollen, angry red skin of her cheek. He had re-stitched it, but the cut was still raised. It would scar; Simon was right. But it could have been worse. The dust could have gotten in. She could have been facing the window directly. She could have panicked like Kaylee, not known what to do like Jayne. She could have sat there, let them worry about it. She could have died.
Padding over, Kaylee touched Simon’s hand. He jumped, already awake and alert, ready for the Alliance to come and snatch his sister from his arms.
‘Come to bed, Simon,’ Kaylee whispered. ‘Qi.’
After much reluctance, she managed to drag him from River. She rolled onto her back in her sleep, head falling so her wound was showing.
As they passed into Simon’s opposing room, Kaylee glanced over to see Jayne asleep on the common room couch. He was too big for it, and his feet and legs hung over the edge.
They didn’t end up leaving Serenity. Simon knew they had no real place to go, and the crew would protect them. They were family now. His eyes always lingered, though, on the scar on River’s cheek, even as the skin paled. It extended to her ear, up near her eye and curved low down her cheek, like an arrow to her lips. Simon didn’t force her to hide it; River made no attempt to.
The Academy forced her to hurt; they forgot to teach her how to heal.
Kaylee wondered if River saw the scar as a reflection of herself.
*
Kaylee never wanted her camera to be used the way it had been. Simon had been asking her to take pictures of River’s cheek so he could see how it was healing from week to week. Kaylee did, knowing that Simon hated seeing it in the flesh, so to speak. River was patient, though, letting Kaylee tilt her chin to get a better view of her scar.
River’s eyes fell and Kaylee set her camera aside, her thumb brushing over the shutter release button.
‘River?’
‘Xing xing,’ she interrupted before Kaylee could say anymore.
‘Are you sure?’
‘The tide changes,’ River said, meeting Kaylee’s eye. ‘The cliffs are broken down and the shore worn away. The water still fits, though. This too shall pass.’
Kaylee’s heart still ached, though. She knew River was trying to make her feel better. It wasn’t her fault, Kaylee knew that. It was nobody’s fault, at least nobody on the ship. But she still felt terrible.
‘River... it’s never going to heal. Your face- ’
‘Is my face. It’s not me.’ She took Kaylee’s hand and pressed it to her cheek. A thin line still emerged from under her palm. Then, lighter, she added, ‘Jayne likes it.’
‘Jayne likes it?’ Kaylee repeated.
River nodded. ‘He thinks it makes me look du te.’
With that, she slid off the edge of the bed, all dancers’ grace, and slipped from the infirmary. Kaylee could still feel the rough edges of River’s scar under her hand, and she wiped it against her clothes, trying to get the feeling away from her.
*
Some of the lighting on the ship had started to flicker and in some places completely black out. For the past three days, Kaylee had been wedged in the walls, trying to rig the lights back up. She had managed to fix a good portion of the ship’s lights, and with any luck she would be done by that night. She was currently in one of the cargo bay’s walls, trailing along the wiring inch by inch, making sure it was all fused together correctly. She felt a little bit like River, hiding away from everyone. She wondered if maybe that this was where River came to hide- in between the walls, squirreled away, able to see everyone but no one able to see her.
Peeking through the grating, she saw Jayne and River. Jayne was holding one of the weights as River watched him, sitting on the edge of the bench, her knees tucked up and arms around them. They were talking to one another, their voices low enough that Kaylee could only hear the faint hum of their voices and nothing else.
Turning back to what she was doing, Kaylee went about running her hands over the electrical wires, and found another part that had been fried. As she went about fixing it, she heard River’s laughter, the sound bubbling and echoing against the walls Kaylee was trapped between. Looking back through the grates, she saw Jayne reaching up, his hand touching the side of River’s face where the scars were. Squinting, she watched as River leant against his hand, Jayne’s fingers running along the lines of the scars that were still raised, pale but still angry, a coarse red under the thickest part.
Tilting River’s head so she was facing him, Jayne’s hand continued to slide up the side of her face, his thumb brushing over her eyebrow. Kaylee leant against the grate, her fingers curling against it, trying her best so suppress a giggle. Jayne was leaning closer, and oh, how their mei-mei had grown up.
‘Kaylee!’
Kaylee snapped back against the wall, wide-eyed. Jayne and River were apart in an instant, both looking off to where Kaylee couldn’t see. She heard footsteps, and wiggled to where she could see Mal heading down the stairs.
‘Either of you seen Kaylee?’
They shook their heads.
‘Wuh de ma. You see her, let her know the lights are out again in the cockpit?’
The two nodded and then Mal was off, calling for Kaylee again. She sighed and rested back against the wall, twirling a screwdriver between her fingers. She needed to speak to River- it was only fair she got the whole story.
Unfortunately, she didn’t get a free moment until after dinner. The lights in the dining area ended up flickering out as soon as she fixed the ones in the cockpit, and they ended up eating over candlelight. By the time she got those back up and running, everybody had headed off to bed. She still wanted to know what was happening between River and Jayne, though. ‘sides, she had a few pictures of Jayne on her camera, and if River wanted any... sharing was caring, after all.
Giggling to herself, she headed quickly to River’s room, camera in hand. Sliding the door open, the room dark (well, if it weren’t her luck the lights were off there, too), she let out a delighted laugh.
‘So what’s the deal with you- ’
‘What- ’
The gruffer voice surprised her and Kaylee stumbled back. The flash from her camera lit the room up and Kaylee saw River fall back from where she’d been sitting atop Jayne. Her eyes wide, hair falling across her face, she shrieked, hands to her mouth, cheeks red, her delighted squeals muffled. Before Jayne could move, Kaylee was off, laughing loudly to herself as she ran up the stairs, her camera waving about in her hand. That scene seemed to answer her question well enough.
*
It was Christmas time again. Once more, they held another Dun Che Lao Ren. They hadn’t been planetside for two weeks, and they would be in the black for another three days. They would have to make do with what they had on the ship. Kaylee didn’t mind; she liked handmade gifts the best. Besides, it would be interesting to see what everyone came up with.
Kaylee got River. As much as Kaylee loved River like a sister, and despite how close they were, she had no idea what River was particularly interested in. Anything River wanted, she usually found a way to get by herself. Once River decided she wanted lights in her room like the one Kaylee had lined her bunk door with. She was the one who had fried all the lighting circuits in the ship. The next morning, Kaylee had found the entire passenger dorm sect sparkling with lights.
It was Inara who finally gave Kaylee an idea. On Christmas Eve, Kaylee called River up into Inara’s shuttle. The flickering lights from Inara’s lit candles bounced off the metallic walls of the shuttle that peeked through the gauzy curtains. When Kaylee looked at the photos later, the lights were scattered throughout the images, with lots of soft pinks and yellows.
Some of the pictures were falling from the album she put together. One was of River and Jayne necking in her room. Simon saw it and started hollering, while Zoe nearly fell out of her seat laughing. As Simon started going on about how Jayne better be careful or else he’ll wind up with a catheter, and Inara doubled over, tears in her eyes, and Mal yelled at everyone to be quiet, Kaylee looked over at River. She was still quietly going over the pictures, mostly stolen images of herself and the rest of the crew.
River lifted her head and smiled at Kaylee.
Author: finding_jay
Pairing: River/Jayne, Kaylee/Simon
Rating: PG:13
Warnings: Violence. Also not exactly dial-up friendly. Set a couple of years after the BDM.
Summary: There are times when Kaylee thinks that River's stuck in one place, frozen like a photograph. The steps are so small that it seems she's a standstill. Instead, River tip-toes forward so slowly that nobody notices.
Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly.
Notes: Written for memorysdaughter as part of serenity_santa's 2008 Secret Santa. I hope you enjoy it =)
For Christmas, Kaylee received a camera from her Dun Che Lao Ren on the ship. Although she didn’t strictly celebrate Christmas (Spring Festival was far more common on her home planet), she loved the festivities and taking part in the celebration on the ship. Even Mal seemed to get into it, even if he did tell them to keep the sparklers and streamers from the cockpit.
Kaylee knew that Simon gave her the camera. He was the only one who could afford it, apart from Inara, and Inara had told her the week before that her Dun Che Lao Ren was Zoe. Kaylee spent the rest of the day taking pictures with it. It was the sort that could switch between video and still images, and while the videos were fun to play back, she found something strangely intimate about the stills. It was a capture in time, a snapshot of that person, or place, or thing at one moment, frozen forever.
Kaylee, of course, had taken pictures before. She had had her picture taken. She had even owned a camera once in her life, but had dropped it in a puddle in Persephone and it hadn’t worked since.
It was over Christmas dinner, though, that Kaylee discovered the brilliance in taking still images. It was dark and a little blurry, but there it was. Just Simon and River laughing over something she couldn’t remember the next day. River still didn’t laugh much, even after Miranda. She seemed happier- at least she wasn’t slicing people up- but laughter was still a rarity.
She stuck the picture up on her wall by her bed and decided then that she was going to photograph River. She didn’t make a vow or a promise or even a conscious decision, but when she reflected back a year later, that seemed to be the pinpoint moment when River became her muse.
*
It was in mid-January when they made their next delivery. Kaylee had been taking pictures (or as she liked to call them, happy snaps) ever since Christmas. She had kept her camera with her wherever she went, in case an opportunity arose to take another picture. Most of them seemed to be of Serenity’s engine- not that Kaylee minded, but it wasn’t exactly the most inspiring of images, even to someone like her. She put them into a box and keeps them in her bunk; they were still worth something.
They arrived in Newhall with the cargo ready to be shipped. It was half a dozen tractors. For Kaylee and River, they became a new source for their games of hide and go seek. While River invariably found Kaylee lying under them (she couldn’t get her body to fit any other way), Kaylee found River in a whole range of positions, most leaving her confused and joints aching at the mere thought of it. Their games came to a stop, though, when Mal found River laying in one of the wheels, her legs above her head and a delighted grin on her face.
‘Found me!’ she said as she waved at him with her foot.
While Kaylee doubled over with laughter, Mal seemed less than amused. He turned to Jayne, who had been lifting weights during the games and demanded to know why he let them get away with it. Jayne shrugged in response.
‘Kept ‘em from swinging from the bars,’ he said. He set the weights he had been lifting back on the rack for added emphasis.
By the time they landed on Newhall, the incident had been long forgotten. The locals invited the crew into town, with an added request they were allowed to stay for dinner so long as they were shown how to use the tractors. Kaylee was subsequently nominated for the job, which was something she didn’t mind as she had spent so long under the tractors that she knew how they worked already without switching them on.
Simon didn’t want River to go, though. Although Mal repeatedly assured him there was no danger to him or River (at least not in the immediate vicinity), Simon wanted to keep River on the ship, where he could watch her. Throwing his hands up in defeat, Mal finally bid them farewell and to enjoy their night while the rest of them were eating freshly roasted pork with fresh vegetables and fresh water and fresh other whats-its. River waved them off, seemingly unperturbed at being forced to stay behind by her brother.
It wasn’t until they reached the festivities that Kaylee realised she had left her camera behind. Her disappointment didn’t last long, however, because once she returned back to Serenity, she found a picture taped to her door. She laughed when she saw it and it took it down to add to the collection of photos she chose to keep stuck on her wall.
‘They stole my soul,’ River said when Kaylee saw her the next day. ‘I stole it back.’
There were times when Kaylee didn’t understand what River was saying and this, she decided, was definitely one of those times.
*
Kaylee’s home world was built up mostly of cattle stations and wheat farms and she liked it that way. The city was more like a big country town. It wasn’t uncommon for folks to pick up and move off during droughts, though the Fryes had been living there for as long as anyone could remember. When they received word that they were to deliver a shipment there, Kaylee spent the next week in transit making sure everybody knew everything there was to know about her Mama and Daddy. She was surprised when Jayne took an interest, though she later found out that he had been raised in a similar situation.
As Kaylee spoke animatedly about her late great-grandaddy and how he brought the farm up from nothing more than a few acres and sand to Jayne in the dining area, she saw River stick her head in, eyes wide as she watched them. Kaylee waved her over and River tiptoed in. Slipping into a seat next to Jayne, she crossed her legs, looking expectantly at Kaylee as she waited for her to continue.
‘They should be settin’ up for Spring Festival soon,’ she continued on. ‘Mama makes the best niangao. Hopefully the captain’ll let us stick around long enough to have it.’
‘We used to have jau gok,’ River said, her voice soft. She was staring intently at the table. ‘It was the only thing our mother cooked by herself. I used to watch her. Long time ago. Payments of the past. Past the heating point, melted down and packed away for later. Nothing resembles what it did then.’
Eyeing River, Jayne let out a soft grunt before standing and making a move to wash out his cup of coffee. Just another one of River’s tangents; it was nothing to get worked up about.
By the time they touched down on the planet, Kaylee had planned everything. She would introduce everyone to her parents, take them around Serenity and maybe even show off Simon if he stopped being so tightly wound up. Of course, she’d need to get Mal’s permission for two of the three things, but she was sure he’d say yes (or at least she hoped he would). The thing she wanted the most, though, was to spend time with her family and enjoy the Spring Festival celebrations.
After they had arrived and settled in, with everyone on Serenity meeting her family and the neighbours and the people that ran the local store and the Jacobsens who sometimes helped out on the farm and Mal started saying he was half considering leaving her on the planet, Kaylee’s mother finally told them about the Spring Festival celebration that was happening later that week. Before Kaylee could even beg to stay, Mal said it should be okay if they hung around for a few more days. It was then that Kaylee realised that Mal had discovered her Mama’s cherry pie.
The Spring Festival celebration was a big one, and people liked to get dressed up. As River watched people set up stalls and activities, she announced that she wanted to join in with the festivities. Simon hesitated and said it might not be safe- big crowds were still an issue.
‘Aw, it’ll be good for her,’ Kaylee said, playfully hitting his shoulder. ‘Get her around some people. Everybody’s been introduced to you now anyways.’
Simon pursed his lips, and while he didn’t say yes or no, Kaylee ended up dragging her aside and showing her some dresses she had been able to fit into when she was fourteen but since had grown too tight. Telling her to let her know when she picked one out, Kaylee headed back to find her family.
The dress River ended up choosing was a little large on her, and it hung loosely from the thin straps that kept sliding down her shoulders. She didn’t seem fussed, though. She spun around in delight and remarked on the flowers that use to grow by the Le Qu River near her house on Osiris. While Simon just pursed his lips and murmured about not to cause a fuss, Kaylee thought it was absolutely delightful and nudged Jayne while saying what a mei ren River was turning into.
The celebrations were well under way by the time they arrived. Cotton candy was billowing through the wind and people were lighting candles for lanterns to flow down the river when the night came to an end. People were milling about game booths where oversized stuffed toys sat precariously on the shelves, waiting to be won. One caught River’s eye, where three balls had to be thrown into a bucket in order to win a prize.
‘Not tonight, mei-mei,’ Simon said uncertainly, well aware River would do it with ease.
River’s face fell, and while she stared longingly at one of the large bears, she let herself get dragged away. Kaylee shook her head and sighed.
‘Ain’t right,’ she started, turning to where Jayne had been staring moments before. He was gone, though, having headed over to the booth River had been looking at. Racing over, Kaylee watched as he picked up the first of the balls. ‘What’re you doin’?’
Without speaking, Jayne threw the balls, each flying into the centre bucket. Taking the bear that was handed to him, Jayne tucked it under his arm.
‘Girl’ll probably be going on about it all night,’ he said as way of explanation.
River, of course, was delighted when the bear was presented to her. She dragged the bear around until it was time to get back to Serenity.
The cargo bay was filled with stuffing two days later.
‘It snows on Osiris during Spring Festival,’ she said.
Kaylee decided not to question as to why the bear’s head remained stuffed and mounted on her wall.
*
A virus was making its round through the ship. It wasn’t anything bad; just a case of the sniffles, typical body pain and the need to sleep upwards of sixteen hours. Simon repeated ten times a day that there was nothing he could give anyone and they would just have to sleep it off.
River got it the worst. Having been in The Academy for the better part of two and a half years meant that her immune system wasn’t as healthy as that as everyone else on the ship. Of all the training they put her through they forgot to train her immune system. She didn’t complain. In fact, River didn’t say much at all. Simon ended up diagnosing her with laryngitis. She just flopped around in her room and common area. Her head lolled on her shoulders and Simon started getting anxious when her fever didn’t break.
It took her just over a week to finally start breaking out of the fever. She was still hot to touch and her glands were swollen, but the worried look on Simon’s face was less severe and occasionally River would croak out a few of her vague phrases that characterised her.
‘Xi jun zhan shi,’ she said hoarsely over breakfast one day.
She was slumped in her seat, a pencil in hand as she scrawled over a piece of paper. She had taken to drawing more than ever when she had the energy. Mal had praised her, saying it was a hobby she could keep doing so long as she didn’t start doing it on the walls. River had been so sick at that stage, Kaylee doubted River had heard.
‘Always hear,’ River murmured. ‘Always here.’
The pictures River drew didn’t make much sense, at least to anyone on the ship. Kaylee realised that, deep down, whatever River said or did, did have some meaning, if only to her. River never did anything on the fly. While her mind moved so fast that things she did may seem to be on impulse, Kaylee realised, as did everyone on the ship, that everything meant to something to her, and as such, nearly everything could be linked back to The Academy.
Her drawings looked hurried and sketchy. Although Kaylee saw her drawing them sometimes, her movements were slow and lethargic, but once she was done, they looked as though the pictures had popped into her head and she had to get them out as soon as possible before they disappeared. River would stick them up above her bed, like a bastardised version of Kaylee’s picture gallery. Kaylee looked at them, trying to figure out what they were. There were parts she recognised in the smudged outlines, like wires and screws and pipes. It dawned on her one day that River was drawing a ship.
‘Had us go through it,’ River said as Kaylee mulled over her thought. ‘Break in, disarm and disable the guards that got in our way.’ She set down her pencil and shoved the last piece of paper in Kaylee’s hands. ‘Nowhere is ever safe. Early rising.’
Simon ended up pulling the drawings down two weeks later. He said they bothered him, and it wouldn’t do River any good to sleep in a room while surrounded of memories of The Academy. Kaylee later found them in a mishmash pile outside her bunk door. As much as she hated to admit it, the drawings were fascinating, despite what they would have meant for River, and for what they would have meant for the people who had been aboard that ship when The Academy decided to attack.
*
Despite managing to shake the worst of her cold off, River was still lethargic and feeling under the weather when April came around. She still piloted the ship, and on some days, that seemed to be the only thing that dragged her out of bed (other than Simon’s daily injections, of course). Her drawings had come to a standstill, and the stuffed bear’s head had since relocated to sitting on top of Jayne’s barbells.
‘She better not start gettin’ crazy again, doc,’ Mal warned. ‘Can’t have a bus hi gu niang flyin’ the ship.’
‘Better not start droppin’ things around, either,’ Jayne muttered as he picked the bear up by its ear and flung it towards the door heading to the infirmary.
River couldn’t seem to escape her funk, though. She flopped over chairs and tables, seemingly growing lost in her own thoughts. Simon said the illness had taken a toll on her body and now she lacked energy. She would be fine, he reassured everyone, though Simon did seem concerned himself.
Kaylee was taken by surprise one morning to find Jayne in the kitchen and at the stove. River was at the table, chin on it, staring at a spoon. The smell of soup filled the air and Kaylee watched as Jayne stirred the pot.
‘I must be zuo meng. Whatcha doin’?’
Taking the pot off the stove, Jayne poured the contents into the bowl already sitting on the bench. The remains of their few vegetables swam beside hunks of protein. Kaylee eyed the empty container of chicken stock beside the used dishes. Grabbing the bowl, Jayne rounded the bench and set it beside River. River stared at it for a moment before lifting her head and dipping her spoon into it. She tasted it, eyes staring off into whatever world she let herself drift into, and then started it eating it hungrily.
‘Not gonna let her get crazy again,’ Jayne muttered as he went back to set the dishes in the sink. ‘More energy she has, less crazy she gets. ‘sides, girl could use a feed or two.’
Finishing her meal, River pushed the bowl away and moved onto her feet. She was about to head through the door when Jayne stopped her.
‘Ain’tcha gonna say anything?’
River stared and cocked her head, seeming to consider his question. ‘You can cook,’ she said, as though the idea was amusing to her, before turning and heading out of the kitchen.
Smirking, Kaylee sniffed the bowl and set it in the sink with the rest of the dishes. River had a point- Kaylee never knew Jayne could cook, nor that he cared about anyone that much to actually go and do it.
‘She’s got a point. Maybe next time you could cook for the rest of us, dong ma?’
Scowling, Jayne shrugged past her and started to wash up the mess he had made. Jayne’s soup, though, did seem to perk River up. Her energy returned in a few days and by the time they were heading into view of their next stop, she was healthy enough to land Serenity safely. While Simon took it to mean that the River had finally shaken the bug and her health had returned in due course, Kaylee had a sneaking suspicion Jayne’s odd show of compassion had something to do with it. Besides, she liked to believe in miracles and was a romantic at heart.
*
The Rim planet they landed on was hot and dry. Nothing out of the ordinary for a Rim planet, other than the fact it was heavily populated and sandstorms were more frequent than not. The sun scalded the land the locals said that whatever trees grew usually burnt down long before anybody got to use the shade because of the heat.
Everybody was happy to get off the ship, though. They’d been flying for the better part of six weeks and everybody was starting to get cabin fever. River had finally gotten better and she had taken full advantage of it by dropping sweets and the like down people’s bunks. Kaylee had found it fun at first until she woke up one morning with the heat turned up and a messy pile of chocolate goo at the foot of the ladder. By the time she had managed to climb up and start her morning duties, Jayne had already chased River around the ship and Mal had given her a stern talking to about when chocolate should be given out. Nobody knew where River got the chocolate from. Nobody knew where River had hidden, either.
River ended up emerging, though, when they landed. They promise of solid ground beneath their feet was too exciting for River to ignore, like everyone else. While Mal and Zoe went to settle the job, Inara took Kaylee and River to look over the local souvenirs. While it was one of Inara and Kaylee’s favourite pastimes, Simon rarely let River out of his grips for long enough to poke around. However, River had rubbed chocolate into a good half dozen of Simon’s shirts and she ran off while he was still cussing.
While the heat made them tug at their collars and roll their sleeves up, Kaylee was just happy for a change in temperature. It was usually mild in the ship, when the heat wasn’t being played with. Not too warm and not too cold, but it was still fun to go and try something else. A change of scenery was even better. As Inara spoke to River about a few of her recent clients, Kaylee took a few pictures, with the idea of sending a few back to her folks. When she looked at them later, she saw a few of River smiling. It looked slightly forced in some of them, but in others she looked genuinely happy.
She showed them later to Simon, with Jayne and Inara sitting nearby.
‘It’s her birthday next month,’ Simon murmured as he looked at one of the photos. He squinted an eye and handed it back. ‘She’d be having her debutante ball soon.’
‘Debutante ball?’ Jayne repeated.
‘It’s a ball presenting young eligible women,’ Inara clarified as she looked over the pictures.
‘River won’t have hers,’ Simon said, sounding mildly disappointed. Taking the photos, he put them in a pile and handed them back to Kaylee. Without a word, Simon stood and left the kitchen to head to his room.
Kaylee knew that although River was missing out on a lot of things now, she would have missed out on a lot more if she hadn’t been taken from The Academy; her innocence, for one. She was able to live her life how she wanted to now, even if she did have certain limitations. Kaylee just hoped Simon didn’t restrict those further.
*
River’s birthday was on the day they landed on Bernadette. Although a Central planet, it was closer to the Rim than most and the Alliance presence was low and concentrated mostly on the other side of where Serenity landed.
River didn’t mention her birthday, and was quiet for a good part of the morning. For a while, Kaylee thought that maybe River had forgotten her birthday, or thought everybody on the ship, Simon included, had. That didn’t seem at all likely, though, seeing as River could probably remember a minor detail someone spoke of three years ago, and even if she couldn’t, she could still read someone’s mind and find out what she wanted. Kaylee wanted to bring it up, though. She wanted to ask Simon if he had bought her anything, she wanted to ask Mal if it would be at all possible to hold a birthday celebration, even if it meant another round of protein cake. They spent most of the morning, though, unloading crates from the ship and finishing the deal.
To everyone’s surprise, though, including River’s, during dinner that night, Simon presented River with a present. It was wrapped in thin crepe paper, with a thick satin bow on top. River stared at it for a long moment, as though trying to assess its danger level. Finally, she lifted her head and looked at Simon quizzically.
‘Happy birthday,’ Simon said.
‘Why?’
A frown crossed Simon’s features for just a moment before he recovered. ‘It’s your birthday,’ he said. Then, as if remembering, ‘there’s a, a... It’s your twentieth birthday. Do you remember what that means?’
Squinting an eye at Simon, River looked at him before seeming to catch on. ‘Dresses and parties and champagne. Presentations. The debutante ball.’
Simon nodded, a small smile on his face. He pushed the present towards her again, this time with force. ‘I spoke to those in charge today,’ he said, not just to River but to the rest of the table. ‘And they said you were more than welcome to attend... if you wanted. You don’t need to.’
Continuing to stare at him, River tilted her head, and then looked back at the present, her hands folded on her lap.
‘Aren’t you going to unwrap it?’ Inara asked, a mixture of humour and surprise in her voice.
Without a word, River picked the package up and, silently, left the kitchen. Simon watched her go, looking vaguely hurt. Biting the inside of her cheek, Kaylee took a sip from her cup and cleared her throat.
‘When’s the ball, Simon?’
‘You’re not going,’ Mal added quickly.
‘Wasn’t gonna ask,’ Kaylee replied.
‘Tomorrow,’ Simon said, turning back to his meal. His fork scraped on his plate. ‘We don’t have to stay.’
‘No. We’re staying,’ Mal said, surprising everyone with his firmness. At the raised eyebrows, he continued on. ‘’bout time your sister went and did something normal girls her age do. ‘specially from her own world.’
Simon must have spoken to River about it again later because right before dinner the following night she appeared in a chocolate brown dress. The hem hung above her knees, and a thin black necklace wrapped around her neck. Pulling at the satin experimentally, she looked down at herself, head cocked. She seemed nonplussed by it; while the dress was, for lack of a better word, rather unexciting, River still seemed confused. As Kaylee took a few pictures of River, Inara spoke quietly to Simon.
‘Why don’t I do River’s hair and make-up?’
‘I think she looks fine,’ Simon murmured.
‘It’s her debutante. She should be allowed to dress up.’
Pursing his lips together, Simon watched as River started to tug on her hair. ‘Fine,’ he said shortly. ‘But... keep her demure, please.’
Delighted, Inara called to River and motioned for her to follow her. Following, Kaylee in tow, the three headed to Inara’s shuttle. As River brushed her hand along the walls, Inara pulled out her make-up kit and started to line out various cosmetics, Kaylee sitting beside her. Turning her attention to the cupboards, River started opening them and pawed through them. Inara watched her for a second, then spoke.
‘You’re a very pretty girl, River. Do you know that?’
‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’
‘Are you looking forward to the ball?’ Inara asked, ignoring River’s dismissal of her comment.
‘Every girl does, growing up on a Central planet.’
‘I wish I had a debutante,’ Kaylee sighed dreamily.
Smiling at her, Inara pushed her hair from her face. She turned back to River, watching as she pulled a pale blue dress from her cupboard and studied the material.
‘What’s your favourite colour, River?’
River was silent for a long moment. Kaylee thought she hadn’t actually heard Inara. She dug through the cupboard once more, and then pulled out a long dress. It flowed well past her bare feet, the bright colour warming her pale skin more so than the brown of the dress she wore. She ran a hand down the soft material and held out the skirt.
‘Yellow,’ she finally said. ‘It means happiness. It brings joy. It is the colour of Monday. Monday’s child is fair of face. Wednesday child is full of woe. Wednesday’s child should be happy. Aura of intelligence, of scientists. I like yellow.’
Lifting her head, she turned to Inara and Kaylee and gave a smile.
Simon didn’t recognise his sister when he first saw her. Kaylee knew the magic of eyeliner and a lick of lipstick, and Inara knew how to work a hair curler, but River did the rest herself. She was happy, excited and, most importantly, feeling confident. For the first time in no doubt years, River was able to be a girl for once. Not a fugitive, not a weapon, just a sister and friend and part of Mal’s crew, and a twenty-year-old woman who was going to laugh and dance and dine on rich chocolate cake and spend the evening with others her age who were hopeful of the future ahead.
As Simon spluttered and demanded to know just what had happened to River, Mal gave her his best wishes and Zoe gave her a hug and a motherly kiss on the cheek. Jayne raised an eyebrow at her and nodded, at a loss for words. He watched as Simon led River from the ship, announcing he would be her guest for the ball (he refused to use the word ‘date’, with all its connotations), making no attempt to hide the way he looked over River’s body.
‘Ain’t she a beauty?’ Kaylee sighed once they had disappeared.
Jayne, having been caught, muttered something about women and River being crazy and headed off. Giggling, Kaylee looked over the photos she had taken and gave a wistful sigh, remembering her own ball and decided to go and pull out her dress. River wasn’t the only one who could have a bit of fun that night.
*
After her birthday and the debutante ball, River snuck into Inara’s shuttle one afternoon while they were planetside and ransacked her make-up kit. She got away with half a tube of lipstick, a palette of eye shadow and a tube of eyeliner. As Kaylee helped Inara pick through the mess later, she couldn’t help but wonder why River just didn’t run off with the entire bag. But, on the other hand, Kaylee wondered why River wanted any of it at all- other than the night of the ball, she cared little about her appearance. In saying that, though, it was River, and everything River did had her own motivation behind it.
They were on Persephone for a few days. Inara had two clients booked, Mal wanted to pick up a few supplies and Zoe wanted to visit her mother and sister who had arrived at the same time. Simon decided to go along to see if he could find some med supplies as they were running low. They also had to wait for Badger to get their next job, and Kaylee didn’t mind; she loved flying but several weeks in the black made her love being on the ground just as much. Besides, it gave her a chance to work on the engine. A few bits had been rattling while they were making their landing, and things like that could grow into worse problems.
She was wedged under the engine, elbow deep in wires and circuits when she heard a banging on the wall. Calling out, she wriggled her elbow out and squirmed out from beneath the engine.
‘You gotta see this,’ Jayne said.
Without asking what he was talking about, Kaylee jumped up and followed him. Heading to the stair railing over the cargo bay, Kaylee looked down to see River below. She was wearing one of Inara’s petticoats, and the tulle swam around her legs, giving the idea of a long tutu. She was spinning around, moving to music that Kaylee and Jayne couldn’t hear.
‘Stay here,’ Kaylee whispered.
Moving quickly, Kaylee rushed back to her bunk to find her camera. Grabbing it, she returned to find Jayne where she had left him, eyes fixed on River. She was still dancing, moving gracefully over the dirty cargo bay floor. Nudging Jayne in the ribs, breaking him of his gaze, Kaylee motioned for him to follow. They headed down the stairs as quietly as possible. They had just reached the end when River whipped around, stopping a foot short of them, Kaylee’s camera already raised.
‘What were you doing?’ Kaylee asked, knowing full well. ‘It was beautiful.’
‘Dancing,’ River replied.
‘Why?’ Jayne asked, is tone suggesting she better give a good explanation.
River’s lips were stained red from Inara’s stolen tube of lipstick. The way she had pinned her hair back from her face, and the gaudy bright blue eye shadow and black eyeliner made her eyes seem wider, more intent on reading them.
‘An interpretation of fencing. A graceful form of attack. An evolution into its own kind, of beauty and art.’
They couldn’t, of course, expect River to give a straight answer.
Without a word, River stepped back and turned, going back to her dancing.
‘Chan fa kuang gu niang,’ Jayne muttered to himself.
Smirking, Kaylee snapped a few pictures, deciding maybe she’d give some to Jayne later. After all, there was no harm in admiring a beautiful woman.
*
Kaylee was working in the engine room when she heard Jayne cursing loudly. His voice echoed through the metal corridors and was promptly followed by Mal hollering at him to quiet it down. Slipping out from the jungle of wires, Kaylee bounced down to the kitchen, only to find River squealing and racing behind Zoe while Jayne, red in the face, glared at her, Kaylee’s camera clutched in one hand and a photo in the other.
‘What’s going on?’ Simon asked, appearing behind Mal in the opposite doorway.
‘That’s what I want to know,’ Mal added, heading over to Jayne.
‘The scoundrel’s playing with technology beyond his means,’ River sang playfully from behind Zoe. ‘The flash of light sends you on a dizzying trip.’
‘Girl trying to liang wang me,’ Jayne growled, shoving the camera in Kaylee’s hands. ‘Was going to return this to you and she goes about luan tiao out.’
Once he had left, they turned to Zoe expectantly. She laughed and pulled River’s hand from where she had been clutching her shirt. ‘Just as he said. Jayne turned around and River popped out from behind the couch in the common area and he chased her up here.’
Later, Kaylee found the photo Jayne accidentally took stuck on the door to her bunk, along with River’s spelling correction. Laughing, she added it to her growing collection. She looked happy; who could deny her that? Besides, River had taken a liking to teasing Jayne ruthlessly lately. That was enough to make her giggle.
*
River got hurt.
Kaylee didn’t know how it happened. A group of rebel forces on Persephone went and decided to go on a siege against the Alliance. They were there, getting med supplies of all things, when debris and shrapnel started raining over them. Simon was on the other side of the building when the windows cracked.
She didn’t scream or anything. Kaylee did and immediately started ducking for cover. It was only until Jayne went and grabbed River’s leg that she joined them on the floor. Her face was already cut open by then. She’d been standing right near the window when the explosion occurred.
Simon said later she was in shock but it didn’t seem like that to Kaylee and Jayne. Jayne later said when they’d cleaned up and River was asleep, that he’d seen folk in shock before. River wasn’t in shock, he said. He couldn’t say what was going on, but she definitely wasn’t in shock. She was calm; perfectly calm. Maybe it was The Academy training.
There was so much blood.
‘We gotta do something!’ Kaylee cried over the noise. She could hear the wail of medics already. River and Simon were still on the run.
‘Take a gorram picture,’ Jayne yelled, trying to find something to stop the bleeding.
‘What?’
‘Take a gorram picture so Simon can fix ‘er up later!’ He had managed to find some surgical swabs and was doing his best to clean the blood off River’s face as more dust settled down on them.
River passively reached out and grabbed a metal object and put it in Kaylee’s hand.
‘What’m I meant to do with this?’ Kaylee whimpered, clutching it loosely.
‘Surgical staples,’ River said calmly, rocking as Jayne harshly rubbed her face.
Kaylee choked. ‘I- I can’t! I can’t, di yu!’
Jayne snatched the implement from her hand. As another shudder went through the building, he pressed the stapler against River’s cheek and pressed down.
Simon vowed never again. They were never leaving the ship, unless it was to drop them off on some remote planet the Alliance never came to, and they would stay there. Mal sighed and Zoe told Simon to sleep on it. They were both still alive. They weren’t after him or River. River would heal. She was a strong girl.
Simon nearly hit Jayne. Her face would scar, she almost bled to death, she was injured.
Jayne growled that River was alive and he better be gorram grateful for it because she was the one that told them to shove the metal in her face.
Later, Kaylee found Simon sleeping next to River in her room. He had pushed her hair back, one hand lying just below the swollen, angry red skin of her cheek. He had re-stitched it, but the cut was still raised. It would scar; Simon was right. But it could have been worse. The dust could have gotten in. She could have been facing the window directly. She could have panicked like Kaylee, not known what to do like Jayne. She could have sat there, let them worry about it. She could have died.
Padding over, Kaylee touched Simon’s hand. He jumped, already awake and alert, ready for the Alliance to come and snatch his sister from his arms.
‘Come to bed, Simon,’ Kaylee whispered. ‘Qi.’
After much reluctance, she managed to drag him from River. She rolled onto her back in her sleep, head falling so her wound was showing.
As they passed into Simon’s opposing room, Kaylee glanced over to see Jayne asleep on the common room couch. He was too big for it, and his feet and legs hung over the edge.
They didn’t end up leaving Serenity. Simon knew they had no real place to go, and the crew would protect them. They were family now. His eyes always lingered, though, on the scar on River’s cheek, even as the skin paled. It extended to her ear, up near her eye and curved low down her cheek, like an arrow to her lips. Simon didn’t force her to hide it; River made no attempt to.
The Academy forced her to hurt; they forgot to teach her how to heal.
Kaylee wondered if River saw the scar as a reflection of herself.
*
Kaylee never wanted her camera to be used the way it had been. Simon had been asking her to take pictures of River’s cheek so he could see how it was healing from week to week. Kaylee did, knowing that Simon hated seeing it in the flesh, so to speak. River was patient, though, letting Kaylee tilt her chin to get a better view of her scar.
River’s eyes fell and Kaylee set her camera aside, her thumb brushing over the shutter release button.
‘River?’
‘Xing xing,’ she interrupted before Kaylee could say anymore.
‘Are you sure?’
‘The tide changes,’ River said, meeting Kaylee’s eye. ‘The cliffs are broken down and the shore worn away. The water still fits, though. This too shall pass.’
Kaylee’s heart still ached, though. She knew River was trying to make her feel better. It wasn’t her fault, Kaylee knew that. It was nobody’s fault, at least nobody on the ship. But she still felt terrible.
‘River... it’s never going to heal. Your face- ’
‘Is my face. It’s not me.’ She took Kaylee’s hand and pressed it to her cheek. A thin line still emerged from under her palm. Then, lighter, she added, ‘Jayne likes it.’
‘Jayne likes it?’ Kaylee repeated.
River nodded. ‘He thinks it makes me look du te.’
With that, she slid off the edge of the bed, all dancers’ grace, and slipped from the infirmary. Kaylee could still feel the rough edges of River’s scar under her hand, and she wiped it against her clothes, trying to get the feeling away from her.
*
Some of the lighting on the ship had started to flicker and in some places completely black out. For the past three days, Kaylee had been wedged in the walls, trying to rig the lights back up. She had managed to fix a good portion of the ship’s lights, and with any luck she would be done by that night. She was currently in one of the cargo bay’s walls, trailing along the wiring inch by inch, making sure it was all fused together correctly. She felt a little bit like River, hiding away from everyone. She wondered if maybe that this was where River came to hide- in between the walls, squirreled away, able to see everyone but no one able to see her.
Peeking through the grating, she saw Jayne and River. Jayne was holding one of the weights as River watched him, sitting on the edge of the bench, her knees tucked up and arms around them. They were talking to one another, their voices low enough that Kaylee could only hear the faint hum of their voices and nothing else.
Turning back to what she was doing, Kaylee went about running her hands over the electrical wires, and found another part that had been fried. As she went about fixing it, she heard River’s laughter, the sound bubbling and echoing against the walls Kaylee was trapped between. Looking back through the grates, she saw Jayne reaching up, his hand touching the side of River’s face where the scars were. Squinting, she watched as River leant against his hand, Jayne’s fingers running along the lines of the scars that were still raised, pale but still angry, a coarse red under the thickest part.
Tilting River’s head so she was facing him, Jayne’s hand continued to slide up the side of her face, his thumb brushing over her eyebrow. Kaylee leant against the grate, her fingers curling against it, trying her best so suppress a giggle. Jayne was leaning closer, and oh, how their mei-mei had grown up.
‘Kaylee!’
Kaylee snapped back against the wall, wide-eyed. Jayne and River were apart in an instant, both looking off to where Kaylee couldn’t see. She heard footsteps, and wiggled to where she could see Mal heading down the stairs.
‘Either of you seen Kaylee?’
They shook their heads.
‘Wuh de ma. You see her, let her know the lights are out again in the cockpit?’
The two nodded and then Mal was off, calling for Kaylee again. She sighed and rested back against the wall, twirling a screwdriver between her fingers. She needed to speak to River- it was only fair she got the whole story.
Unfortunately, she didn’t get a free moment until after dinner. The lights in the dining area ended up flickering out as soon as she fixed the ones in the cockpit, and they ended up eating over candlelight. By the time she got those back up and running, everybody had headed off to bed. She still wanted to know what was happening between River and Jayne, though. ‘sides, she had a few pictures of Jayne on her camera, and if River wanted any... sharing was caring, after all.
Giggling to herself, she headed quickly to River’s room, camera in hand. Sliding the door open, the room dark (well, if it weren’t her luck the lights were off there, too), she let out a delighted laugh.
‘So what’s the deal with you- ’
‘What- ’
The gruffer voice surprised her and Kaylee stumbled back. The flash from her camera lit the room up and Kaylee saw River fall back from where she’d been sitting atop Jayne. Her eyes wide, hair falling across her face, she shrieked, hands to her mouth, cheeks red, her delighted squeals muffled. Before Jayne could move, Kaylee was off, laughing loudly to herself as she ran up the stairs, her camera waving about in her hand. That scene seemed to answer her question well enough.
*
It was Christmas time again. Once more, they held another Dun Che Lao Ren. They hadn’t been planetside for two weeks, and they would be in the black for another three days. They would have to make do with what they had on the ship. Kaylee didn’t mind; she liked handmade gifts the best. Besides, it would be interesting to see what everyone came up with.
Kaylee got River. As much as Kaylee loved River like a sister, and despite how close they were, she had no idea what River was particularly interested in. Anything River wanted, she usually found a way to get by herself. Once River decided she wanted lights in her room like the one Kaylee had lined her bunk door with. She was the one who had fried all the lighting circuits in the ship. The next morning, Kaylee had found the entire passenger dorm sect sparkling with lights.
It was Inara who finally gave Kaylee an idea. On Christmas Eve, Kaylee called River up into Inara’s shuttle. The flickering lights from Inara’s lit candles bounced off the metallic walls of the shuttle that peeked through the gauzy curtains. When Kaylee looked at the photos later, the lights were scattered throughout the images, with lots of soft pinks and yellows.
Some of the pictures were falling from the album she put together. One was of River and Jayne necking in her room. Simon saw it and started hollering, while Zoe nearly fell out of her seat laughing. As Simon started going on about how Jayne better be careful or else he’ll wind up with a catheter, and Inara doubled over, tears in her eyes, and Mal yelled at everyone to be quiet, Kaylee looked over at River. She was still quietly going over the pictures, mostly stolen images of herself and the rest of the crew.
River lifted her head and smiled at Kaylee.