Pieces (5/16)
Title: Pieces
Pairing: Rachel/Santana
Length:52,788
Spoilers: Up to season 3
Summary: Rachel never expected to find out she's a werewolf, and once the reality of it sinks in, she feels like a monster. Surprisingly enough there's someone unexpected who helps her keep onto the humanity inside her.
Note: This is written for the Glee Big Bang.
Rachel was woken up that morning buy the feeling of something we wet rubbing her face. She groaned as she opened her eyes and looked up at Shelby, who again was up and dressed before. Shelby smiled at her as she continued to wipe off Rachel's face. When she was done, she quickly put it away before Rachel could see it.
Rachel sighed, not thinking much of it, and pushed herself up on her feet with the help of Shelby. As Rachel slowly changed into clothes, she noticed how dirty her body was. She frowned at the sight of it, and tried to ignore it as best as she could.
Once she was done changing she followed Shelby to her car. The drive there was silent, mostly because Rachel was trying to remember last night. All that came to her was bits and pieces Rachel remembered running through the woods, but that was it.
They finally reached Shelby's apartment and Rachel slowly walked back in, sighing when she saw all the pictures around the room. Vicki was already awake in the living room playing with Beth, and looked up when they came in.
“Hey, Rachel, how'd it go?” She asked softly and Rachel smiled.
“Well, I suppose It's still hard to remember things though.” Vicki looked at Shelby quickly with an unreadable expression before smiling back at Rachel.
“That's good, I don't know what it's like being a werewolf, but you got Shelby.”
“That's right,” Shelby said, rubbing Rachel's shoulder. Rachel gave her a stiff nod, she didn't know how much she could trust Shelby. “Well, let me show you your room,” Shelby led her through the apartment to a spare bedroom. It was small and bare except for the bed and dresser. “It's a little small...” Shelby said and Rachel shook her head.
“It's fine,” Rachel said and turned around to face Shelby. “After all, I'll only be here the weekend.” Shelby nodded and the two stood awkwardly in silence.
“Well, I'll let you shower first, the bathroom's next to your room.” Shelby said, pointing to it, before shutting the door and walking away.
Rachel sighed as she sat on the bed and looked around the room. She didn't think she'd ever be spending the weekend at Shelby's house, and it seemed unreal. She would say that the fact that she was a werewolf seemed unreal to begin with, but she already got past that and accepted what she was, sort of. If figuring it out and calling herself a monster was called accepting it.
She got up and went through the duffel bag she had brought with her to the room and grabbed spare clothes. As she walked out of the bedroom, she saw Shelby and Vicki whispering to each other in the livin groom. She wondered what they were talking about, but she was too dirty to think much about it and all she wanted was a long shower.
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“She seems to be taking everything pretty well.” Vicki said and Shelby sighed.
“I don't know, Vicki, this is the first time she really let me help her out.”
“At least she did.” Shelby looked over to the bathroom, where the sound of the shower running was heard.
“I'm worried about her. She let me help but she hasn't let me in, and I don't know what she feels about being a werewolf.” Vicki smiled and patted Shelby's leg.
“Give her time, Shelby.” Shelby frowned but nodded. She didn't blame Rachel for not letting her in, and Shelby blamed herself for all the times she abandoned Rachel.
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When Rachel got out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself and walked to the mirror. She wiped away the mist and looked at herself, actually looked at herself. Rachel was paler than usual, and she had serious bags under her eyes, probably from all the nights she stayed up reading and the bad sleep she was getting.
Rachel slowly unwrapped the towel from her body and stared at it. She was skinnier, dangerously so, and Rachel knew that was from all the times she skipped out on food. She looked sickly. Yet, she found herself not caring. She looked away and changed into her spare clothes, jeans and a shirt, and found that they were big on her. Sighing, she realized that her skirts wouldn't do anymore, they would just slide off and she didn't have any belts.
She walked out of the bathroom and walked to the living room, where Shelby was sitting on the couch playing with Beth. Shelby looked up and smiled at Rachel.
“Where's Vicki?” Rachel asked as she sat down on the couch next to her.
“She went home,” Shelby said and Rachel nodded. “I'm going to take a shower now, watch Beth.” Shelby held Beth out to her and Rachel hesitated before taking her in her arms. Beth whined a little at Shelby letting go of her and continued as Shelby walked away. Rachel looked at her, unsure of what to do to stop the cries. Finally, Rachel started bouncing her on her lap, and Beth looked up at Rachel.
“Hey, Beth,” Rachel said. “I guess I'm your big sister.” Beth smiled at her and Rachel smiled back. Maybe being in Shelby's apartment and seeing Beth wasn't such a bad idea afterall.
Beth started fidgeting in Rachel's arms, so Rachel put her down and watched Beth crawl to her toys. Beth looked back at Rachel and Rachel smiled as she got down on the floor next to her.
“Okay, Beth, let's play.” Beth gave her a toothy smile and Rachel played with Beth. She had been busy watching and paying with Beth that she hadn't noticed Shelby was done with the shower and was walking in the room.
Shelby watched the scene with a smile. As she watched the two together, she hoped even if Rachel never trusted her, at least she would let Beth in and love her like a sister. Beth threw a block inShelby's direction, and when Rachel looked over at it, she saw Shelby. Shelby laughed lightly and picked up the block and walked to Beth. She knelt down and gave it to her before turning to Rachel.
“Hey,” Shelby said lightly. “Everything's going to be okay.” Rachel scoffed.
“I hope you're not talking about the monster of a werewolf I am, because it's most certainly not okay.”
“You’re not-”
“A monster, I know,” Rachel said and stood up. “But I can never not feel like one.” Shelby stood up.
“I can help you control your wolf, to let her out and keep her under control at the same time. If you let me.” Shelby looked at Rachel and after a few moments of nothing, Rachel slowly nodded.
“Great,” Shelby said in relief. “Now we have to actually talk about your wolf.” Shelby said, glad Rachel let her help more, if only for the moment.
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Rachel groaned as she sat on the couch, listening to Shelby. The first thing out of Shelby's mouth had been that she was going to keep a close on Rachel from now on, especially on the night of the full moon.
When Rachel tried to protest, Shelby quickly told her it was for her own safety. She told her it was better to prepare early for the moon, and always go deep in the woods. She also told her that as each transformation happened she would remember more of the nights of the full moon. That, Rachel was glad for. She hated not knowing what had happened during those nights, and she was always afraid she hurt something or worse, someone.
Then Shelby just said she'd have to get used to the affects of the full moon, which Rachel didn't think was very helpful. Plus, she wasn't sure if she would ever get used to it.
“How do you know so much?” Rachel asked. She guessed Shelby knew more too, but was holding back for now.
“When my wolf was awaken and I transformed for the first time, I had my parents to help me out.” Rachel raised her eyebrows.
“Were your parents werewolves too?” Rachel asked and Shelby chuckled.
“Of course, it's genetic for us, that's how you're one too,” Rachel blushed embarrassingly, realizing what a stupid question that was. “Both my parents were werewolves.”
“So, technically, you're a purebred.” Rachel said, trying to wrap her mind around everything.
“I don't really see it like that, but technically, yes I am.” Shelby didn't really care how much of the werewolf genes were in people, all she cared was that they were either born that way or not.
“So...does that make me a halfbreed?” Rachel asked. “I doubt one of my fathers are a werewolf...” Shelby nodded. She had met them before, to do what was needed to be done to give Rachel to them, and she was a werewolf long enough to know that they weren't one.
“And it's probably because I'm a purebreed that it was passed down on to you.” Shelby said with a shrug. From what Shelby understood from her parents, werewolf genetics were stronger than human's, especially if the werewolf was born into it instead of bitten. Still, she had never expected to pass it onto to her child, or maybe she had been hopeful Rachel wouldn't be born like her. Or maybe it was just that she needed the money for Rachel that she was blinded of the possibility that Rachel would, in fact, be born a werewolf. “So technically, yes, you’re a halfbreed, and that’s why you’re going to need my help.”
“Why’s that?” Rachel didn’t think that because she wasn’t a purebred like Shelby meant anything. Also, although Rachel was glad for Shelby’s help, she didn’t think she was going to need a lot of it. She was always fine doing things on her own, and she was fine the month after her first transformation.
“I’m better at controlling my emotions and strength, and I’ve had help from my family of all werewolves. You, on the other hand, aren’t in control of anything and you’re going to underestimate your new strength. You can’t even keep your wolf in check on the nights of the full moon. You’re just a puppy.” Rachel scoffed.
“I’m not a puppy.” Rachel said defiantly, pouting a little and making Shelby grin.
“You’re wolf definitely is, and you’re wolf will listen to me.”
“Why?” Shelby sighed.
“Because I’m the alpha and I can overpower you anytime,” Beth, who was forgotten about in the entire conversation, started crying from her spot on the floor. Shelby quickly walked over and picked her up. “I need to feed Beth, I’ll make you something to eat.” Now that Shelby mentioned it, Rachel realized how hungry she really was.
“I’m Vegan.” Rachel said quickly and Shelby stopped and looked at her.
“You are?” Rachel nodded and Shelby looked at her kitchen, wondering if she had enough ingredients to make a decent vegan meal. It didn’t help that Beth was crying the entire time she was thinking, making her head hurt. “Rachel, feed her while I look for food for you.” Rachel nodded and followed Shelby to the kitchen.
Shelby handed her Beth and placed the food on the table. Rachel sat down and started feeding Beth the baby food, which she eagerly ate. As Rachel fed her, she watched Shelby look through her kitchen for something to make and she felt guilty.
“You don’t have to,” Rachel said and Shelby looked at her. “Food, I mean. You don’t have to make me something.”
“And let you starve?” Shelby walked to her. “I’m going to buy food, stay her with Beth.”
“I can go buy myself some food somewhere and-” Rachel tried to protest but Shelby cut her off.
“No, Rachel, I’m going to get you food.” Rachel stopped protesting and nodded instead. Shelby smiled and ruffled Rachel’s hair teasingly. “Be a good puppy and watch Beth while I’m gone.” Rachel pouted and opened her mouth to protest being called a puppy, but Shelby was already heading out the door. She simply closed her mouth and concentrated on Beth. Soon, Beth was done eating and was calm in Rachel’s lap. Rachel sighed and walked back to the living room, where all the toys were, and placed Beth on the floor.
“You have no idea how lucky you are, Beth.” Rachel said softly as she watched Beth play. Beth was completely human. She would never have to face painful transformations ever month for the rest of her life, or face the reality of being a monster.
Rachel reached out to Beth, and the small girl saw her hand coming and grabbed on to one of Rachel’s fingers and smiled at her. Rachel couldn’t help but smile back and giggle a little, even as Beth was starting to chew on her finger.
Rachel suddenly frowned, thinking of her own teeth. She wondered if her regular teeth were any stronger or sharper, but she didn’t’ worry about them. No, she was worried about her sharp canine teeth.
They could easily cut into skin, easily kill someone. Her thoughts suddenly turned dark. She had no control over her wolf, what if she turned in her own home when her dads were home? Or worse, around Beth? No, Shelby would let that happen, right?
Rachel flinched away from Beth and scooted far away from her. The sudden movement slightly startled Beth, but she quickly got distracted by the toys again. Rachel brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The rest of the time she watched Beth from afar, not trusting herself to get too close.
Shelby came in rather quickly, and when she saw Rachel sitting as far form Beth as possible, Shelby raised an eyebrow but didn’t’ say anything. As she made dinner for her and Rachel, she watched her two daughters out of the corner of her eye.
Rachel, despite still being out of Beth’s range, was carefully watching Beth with a small smile on her face. Eventually, as Shelby was serving the food, Beth started to get fussy and Rachel looked distraught. As Beth cried Rachel starred rubbing circles on her back awkwardly and Shelby couldn’t help but laugh lightly at the scene.
“Let me take her, you go eat,” Shelby said as he walked to Beth and grabbed the small girl in her arms. Rachel nodded and walked to the table. She sat down and watched Shelby cuddle Beth close to her chest and make soft shushing noises. Eventually Beth fell asleep and Shelby put her back in her crib. When she walked to the table she smiled at Rachel. “Sorry, it’s time for her nap.” Rachel nodded and looked down at the plate and took a small bit, surprised that it was actually pretty good.
To say eating breakfast, or lunch, Rachel had no idea what time it was, was uncomfortable would be an understatement. She fidgeted in her seat and ate as quickly as she could, the silence being too much for her to take.
After seeing Shelby caring for Beth, the feeling of trespassing on their private lives came back. When she was done, she quickly excused herself and walked to her room. She closed the door behind her and collapsed face first on the bed. As soon as she hit the bed, she frowned. It was smaller and harder than her own and she punched the pillow in frustration.
It wasn’t fair, what she was thrown into. And she couldn’t change a thing.
____________________________________________________________________
Much to Shelby’s disappointment, Rachel had stayed in the spare room as much as possible for the rest of the weekend. Rachel thought she needed some space, and in the bedroom given to her seemed like the best place at the moment. She needed to think. So as she stared at the white ceiling, she did, and she came to one conclusion.
She needed to push everyone away from her so they can be safe.
It was the only way she knew how to protect everyone from her. Before, even after she changed for the first time, she thought that maybe it was a dream, or that she could get through it by being normal. But now she knew that wasn’t the case. Now she could only think about what they didn’t know, that she was a monster, and nothing Shelby said could make her think otherwise. It was simple, really, monster hurt people, kill even, and Rachel couldn’t hurt anyone. She didn’t want to kill anyone, and she was afraid she would slip up and eventually do it.
So she stayed locked up in that room, as if she could somehow lock her wolf in there and when she left it wouldn’t follow her. But she was just fooling herself, again. Even when Shelby tried to get her out of the room to talk about her wolf, Rachel refused and stayed in there. The few times she did come out, and Shelby would ask how she was feeling, Rachel would just say “fine” and go back to her room.
But Shelby knew she wasn’t fine, she was far from it. She could tell every time Rachel came out of that room, looking more lifeless each time. What was worse was that Shelby couldn’t connect with her at all, it was like she was talking to a wall. And that worried Shelby. Rachel was full of life, even when she was bullied, even when Shelby hurt her she still had her head high and didn’t let it show. But now, Rachel let everything show and it was a pitiful sight.
And that was how the weekend ended, and Shelby didn’t know what to do. Shelby walked to the door of the bedroom, which was wide open, and watched as Rachel packed her clothes back in her bag. Shelby sighed and knocked on the door, making Rachel turn around slightly.
“Can I come in?” Shelby asked and Rachel shrugged before going back to packing everything back in. Shelby frowned, but took that as a yes and walked in. She stood next to Rachel and once the short girl was done, the two stood next to each other in silence.
“I wish I got to talk to you more this weekend.” Shelby said quietly and Rachel shrugged again.
“I don’t know what we could have said, besides, we see each other in school, even if we don’t talk.” Rachel said quietly and became silent again. Shelby frowned and shook her head.
“That’s not the point. It’s just with you in your room and the few times you weren’t you-”
“I get it, it’s my fault,” Rachel snapped and sighed. “Like everything else.” Rachel said quietly, mostly to herself.
“That’s not how I meant it.” Shelby said. She really didn’t want for it to come out as if she was blaming Rachel. She didn’t blame Rachel at all, if anything, she blamed herself.
“Whatever.” Rachel said and Shelby looked at her worriedly. Her shoulders were slumped a little, as if there was a weight on them that Rachel couldn’t keep holding up. There were bags under her eyes, and her hair was unkempt. Rachel was also more cold and distant, and Shelby just wanted to make it all go away. Make all of Rachel’s pain go away and tell her everything would be fine.
But things never worked out like that. Especially for them.
Before Shelby could say anything, Rachel was already leaving the room. Shelby quickly walked after her, trying to be quiet with Beth sleeping in the living room. When Rachel reached the door, Shelby put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around. Surprisingly enough, Rachel didn’t resist, instead she allowed Shelby to move her around, like she was some kind of doll.
“How are you getting home?” Shelby asked, remembering that she had been the one to drive Rachel to her apartment. She could easily grab Beth and drive Rachel home, if Rachel would let her.
“Walking,” Rachel said and Shelby furrowed her eyebrows. Walking? Rachel may be a werewolf, but she wasn’t superhuman, and Shelby’s apartment was quiet a distance from Rachel’s house. “Bye.” Rachel said before turning around and opening the door before Shelby could say anything else. Rachel was in too much of a hurry that she didn’t see that there was already someone in front of the door, and she bumped in to the person.
“Rachel?” Rachel looked up and saw it was Puck she crashed into.
“Noah?” Rachel took a step back and looked at him. “What are you doing here?” The commotion woke up Beth, and she started crying. Both Puck and Shelby immediately looked at he direction. Shelby walked to the crib, and Puck gave Rachel a small smile as he walked past her and to Beth as well. Rachel watched the two stand close and calm Beth down, feeling out of place.
“Well, bye.” Rachel said awkwardly and they looked up to see her leaving.
“Rachel.” Shelby said sadly, but it was too late, Rachel was gone. Shelby sighed as Puck looked between Shelby and the space Rachel was at.
“What’s up with Rachel?” Puck asked. He hadn’t known Rachel saw and talked to Shelby, since at school they practically ignored each other.
“Puck, do me a favor, drive Rachel home.” Puck furrowed his eyebrows.
“She’s not driving herself home?”
“No, she’s walking,” Shelby said. “You and Rachel are close, right?” Puck frowned. They were close, once. He would go to the girls bathroom and talk with her if she needed it, he didn’t care. She was one of his closest friends and he would do anything for her. But then he saw Shelby more, and Beth, and he started feeling something for Shelby, and things between him and Rachel got… complicated.
“Sort of.” He finally said.
“Look, can you just drive her home, she can’t have gone far.” Puck slowly nodded, not sure what kind of family mess he walked in on. He walked outside and looked down the road and saw Rachel walking and frowned. She was wearing jeans and a hoodie, and had her hands in the pockets and was staring at the ground. He didn’t even have to talk to her to know something was wrong. He quickly got into his car and drove to her. He slowed down the car and opened the windows, leaning over the seat to talk, but Rachel beat him to it.
“You can go, Noah. I’m fine walking.” Rachel said, not even looking up at him, and Puck was surprised she knew it was him.
“Come on, Rachel, Shelby doesn’t want you walking home.” Puck tried and Rachel scoffed.
“Shelby? So you’re on a first name basis with her? How close are you two, exactly?” Puck stuttered a little bit, not expecting the question.
“It doesn’t matter,” He said and Rachel scoffed again. “But she doesn’t want you walking home.”
“Tell her I want to walk home. Besides,” Rachel said. “You’re only doing this for her, not me, so leave me alone.”
“I don’t want you walking home either.” Rachel sighed.
“I doubt you really want to give me a ride.” Rachel didn’t think anyone in the club liked or even cared about her anymore. First, they hated her because of Finn’s kiss in Nationals, then, half of the club left and Rachel was sure they all hated her for that too.
“I do, c’mon, you’re my friend and I want to give you a ride.” Rachel stopped and Puck quickly hit the brake, making the car jerk to a stop. Puck watched as Rachel still looked at the ground, as if she was thinking about it, and finally looked up at him.
“Really?” Puck frowned at the desperation in Rachel’s voice. He was used to hearing the confident voice Rachel always had when she was doing anything, really, and didn’t care who disagreed with her.
“Really, so,” Puck leaned over a little bit more and opened the passanger door. “Hop in.” Rachel nodded and did as told, and as Puck drove he looked at Rachel out of the corner of his eye.
Rachel was unusually quiet, and it worried Puck. The times he drove Rachel to places, whether they were dating or not, Rachel would always start talking about something, anything. Puck never really minded, Rachel was always happing talking and he was happy listening. But now, the silence from her was louder than any time she was talking.
It wasn’t just her newfound silence that unnerved Puck, either. He could see how… drained she looked. It was like he was looking at a ghost of her, and that scared Puck. The fact that Rachel looked like she was giving up on life was one of the worst things he had ever seen.
“Hey,” Puck said. “You okay?” Rachel shrugged.
“Fine.” Rachel said and fell silent again.
“You and Shelby looked pretty close.” Puck tried again, hoping to get some kind of response from her.
“Why do you say that?” Rachel asked, frowning. She knew Shelby was trying to help, but she didn’t think they were that close. They were still practically strangers.
“I don’t know, you were at her place and she was really worried about you.” Rachel sighed, thinking that Shelby was only worried about her because she was a werewolf. That was the only reason, and if she wasn’t, they would still be ignoring each other.
“I guess.” Rachel said and the two fell back into silence again. Puck finally reached Rachel’s house and he put a hand on her shoulder before she could leave.
“You still have my number?” Puck asked.
“Yeah.” Puck nodded and removed his hand.
“Cool, well, you can call me, you know,” Rachel looked at him, confused, and he sighed. “If you want to talk about anything, you can call me.” Rachel finally understood and nodded.
“Okay.”
“You don’t have to go through things alone, ya know.” Puck said softly as Rachel opened the door. Rachel simply got out of the car, pretending she didn’t hear him. As far as she knew, she did. She had Shelby, if only for a moment, and if she didn’t one day, she didn’t want to bring anyone else down with her.
She’d rather be alone than to let other people see who she really was.
Pairing: Rachel/Santana
Length:52,788
Spoilers: Up to season 3
Summary: Rachel never expected to find out she's a werewolf, and once the reality of it sinks in, she feels like a monster. Surprisingly enough there's someone unexpected who helps her keep onto the humanity inside her.
Note: This is written for the Glee Big Bang.
Rachel was woken up that morning buy the feeling of something we wet rubbing her face. She groaned as she opened her eyes and looked up at Shelby, who again was up and dressed before. Shelby smiled at her as she continued to wipe off Rachel's face. When she was done, she quickly put it away before Rachel could see it.
Rachel sighed, not thinking much of it, and pushed herself up on her feet with the help of Shelby. As Rachel slowly changed into clothes, she noticed how dirty her body was. She frowned at the sight of it, and tried to ignore it as best as she could.
Once she was done changing she followed Shelby to her car. The drive there was silent, mostly because Rachel was trying to remember last night. All that came to her was bits and pieces Rachel remembered running through the woods, but that was it.
They finally reached Shelby's apartment and Rachel slowly walked back in, sighing when she saw all the pictures around the room. Vicki was already awake in the living room playing with Beth, and looked up when they came in.
“Hey, Rachel, how'd it go?” She asked softly and Rachel smiled.
“Well, I suppose It's still hard to remember things though.” Vicki looked at Shelby quickly with an unreadable expression before smiling back at Rachel.
“That's good, I don't know what it's like being a werewolf, but you got Shelby.”
“That's right,” Shelby said, rubbing Rachel's shoulder. Rachel gave her a stiff nod, she didn't know how much she could trust Shelby. “Well, let me show you your room,” Shelby led her through the apartment to a spare bedroom. It was small and bare except for the bed and dresser. “It's a little small...” Shelby said and Rachel shook her head.
“It's fine,” Rachel said and turned around to face Shelby. “After all, I'll only be here the weekend.” Shelby nodded and the two stood awkwardly in silence.
“Well, I'll let you shower first, the bathroom's next to your room.” Shelby said, pointing to it, before shutting the door and walking away.
Rachel sighed as she sat on the bed and looked around the room. She didn't think she'd ever be spending the weekend at Shelby's house, and it seemed unreal. She would say that the fact that she was a werewolf seemed unreal to begin with, but she already got past that and accepted what she was, sort of. If figuring it out and calling herself a monster was called accepting it.
She got up and went through the duffel bag she had brought with her to the room and grabbed spare clothes. As she walked out of the bedroom, she saw Shelby and Vicki whispering to each other in the livin groom. She wondered what they were talking about, but she was too dirty to think much about it and all she wanted was a long shower.
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“She seems to be taking everything pretty well.” Vicki said and Shelby sighed.
“I don't know, Vicki, this is the first time she really let me help her out.”
“At least she did.” Shelby looked over to the bathroom, where the sound of the shower running was heard.
“I'm worried about her. She let me help but she hasn't let me in, and I don't know what she feels about being a werewolf.” Vicki smiled and patted Shelby's leg.
“Give her time, Shelby.” Shelby frowned but nodded. She didn't blame Rachel for not letting her in, and Shelby blamed herself for all the times she abandoned Rachel.
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When Rachel got out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself and walked to the mirror. She wiped away the mist and looked at herself, actually looked at herself. Rachel was paler than usual, and she had serious bags under her eyes, probably from all the nights she stayed up reading and the bad sleep she was getting.
Rachel slowly unwrapped the towel from her body and stared at it. She was skinnier, dangerously so, and Rachel knew that was from all the times she skipped out on food. She looked sickly. Yet, she found herself not caring. She looked away and changed into her spare clothes, jeans and a shirt, and found that they were big on her. Sighing, she realized that her skirts wouldn't do anymore, they would just slide off and she didn't have any belts.
She walked out of the bathroom and walked to the living room, where Shelby was sitting on the couch playing with Beth. Shelby looked up and smiled at Rachel.
“Where's Vicki?” Rachel asked as she sat down on the couch next to her.
“She went home,” Shelby said and Rachel nodded. “I'm going to take a shower now, watch Beth.” Shelby held Beth out to her and Rachel hesitated before taking her in her arms. Beth whined a little at Shelby letting go of her and continued as Shelby walked away. Rachel looked at her, unsure of what to do to stop the cries. Finally, Rachel started bouncing her on her lap, and Beth looked up at Rachel.
“Hey, Beth,” Rachel said. “I guess I'm your big sister.” Beth smiled at her and Rachel smiled back. Maybe being in Shelby's apartment and seeing Beth wasn't such a bad idea afterall.
Beth started fidgeting in Rachel's arms, so Rachel put her down and watched Beth crawl to her toys. Beth looked back at Rachel and Rachel smiled as she got down on the floor next to her.
“Okay, Beth, let's play.” Beth gave her a toothy smile and Rachel played with Beth. She had been busy watching and paying with Beth that she hadn't noticed Shelby was done with the shower and was walking in the room.
Shelby watched the scene with a smile. As she watched the two together, she hoped even if Rachel never trusted her, at least she would let Beth in and love her like a sister. Beth threw a block inShelby's direction, and when Rachel looked over at it, she saw Shelby. Shelby laughed lightly and picked up the block and walked to Beth. She knelt down and gave it to her before turning to Rachel.
“Hey,” Shelby said lightly. “Everything's going to be okay.” Rachel scoffed.
“I hope you're not talking about the monster of a werewolf I am, because it's most certainly not okay.”
“You’re not-”
“A monster, I know,” Rachel said and stood up. “But I can never not feel like one.” Shelby stood up.
“I can help you control your wolf, to let her out and keep her under control at the same time. If you let me.” Shelby looked at Rachel and after a few moments of nothing, Rachel slowly nodded.
“Great,” Shelby said in relief. “Now we have to actually talk about your wolf.” Shelby said, glad Rachel let her help more, if only for the moment.
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Rachel groaned as she sat on the couch, listening to Shelby. The first thing out of Shelby's mouth had been that she was going to keep a close on Rachel from now on, especially on the night of the full moon.
When Rachel tried to protest, Shelby quickly told her it was for her own safety. She told her it was better to prepare early for the moon, and always go deep in the woods. She also told her that as each transformation happened she would remember more of the nights of the full moon. That, Rachel was glad for. She hated not knowing what had happened during those nights, and she was always afraid she hurt something or worse, someone.
Then Shelby just said she'd have to get used to the affects of the full moon, which Rachel didn't think was very helpful. Plus, she wasn't sure if she would ever get used to it.
“How do you know so much?” Rachel asked. She guessed Shelby knew more too, but was holding back for now.
“When my wolf was awaken and I transformed for the first time, I had my parents to help me out.” Rachel raised her eyebrows.
“Were your parents werewolves too?” Rachel asked and Shelby chuckled.
“Of course, it's genetic for us, that's how you're one too,” Rachel blushed embarrassingly, realizing what a stupid question that was. “Both my parents were werewolves.”
“So, technically, you're a purebred.” Rachel said, trying to wrap her mind around everything.
“I don't really see it like that, but technically, yes I am.” Shelby didn't really care how much of the werewolf genes were in people, all she cared was that they were either born that way or not.
“So...does that make me a halfbreed?” Rachel asked. “I doubt one of my fathers are a werewolf...” Shelby nodded. She had met them before, to do what was needed to be done to give Rachel to them, and she was a werewolf long enough to know that they weren't one.
“And it's probably because I'm a purebreed that it was passed down on to you.” Shelby said with a shrug. From what Shelby understood from her parents, werewolf genetics were stronger than human's, especially if the werewolf was born into it instead of bitten. Still, she had never expected to pass it onto to her child, or maybe she had been hopeful Rachel wouldn't be born like her. Or maybe it was just that she needed the money for Rachel that she was blinded of the possibility that Rachel would, in fact, be born a werewolf. “So technically, yes, you’re a halfbreed, and that’s why you’re going to need my help.”
“Why’s that?” Rachel didn’t think that because she wasn’t a purebred like Shelby meant anything. Also, although Rachel was glad for Shelby’s help, she didn’t think she was going to need a lot of it. She was always fine doing things on her own, and she was fine the month after her first transformation.
“I’m better at controlling my emotions and strength, and I’ve had help from my family of all werewolves. You, on the other hand, aren’t in control of anything and you’re going to underestimate your new strength. You can’t even keep your wolf in check on the nights of the full moon. You’re just a puppy.” Rachel scoffed.
“I’m not a puppy.” Rachel said defiantly, pouting a little and making Shelby grin.
“You’re wolf definitely is, and you’re wolf will listen to me.”
“Why?” Shelby sighed.
“Because I’m the alpha and I can overpower you anytime,” Beth, who was forgotten about in the entire conversation, started crying from her spot on the floor. Shelby quickly walked over and picked her up. “I need to feed Beth, I’ll make you something to eat.” Now that Shelby mentioned it, Rachel realized how hungry she really was.
“I’m Vegan.” Rachel said quickly and Shelby stopped and looked at her.
“You are?” Rachel nodded and Shelby looked at her kitchen, wondering if she had enough ingredients to make a decent vegan meal. It didn’t help that Beth was crying the entire time she was thinking, making her head hurt. “Rachel, feed her while I look for food for you.” Rachel nodded and followed Shelby to the kitchen.
Shelby handed her Beth and placed the food on the table. Rachel sat down and started feeding Beth the baby food, which she eagerly ate. As Rachel fed her, she watched Shelby look through her kitchen for something to make and she felt guilty.
“You don’t have to,” Rachel said and Shelby looked at her. “Food, I mean. You don’t have to make me something.”
“And let you starve?” Shelby walked to her. “I’m going to buy food, stay her with Beth.”
“I can go buy myself some food somewhere and-” Rachel tried to protest but Shelby cut her off.
“No, Rachel, I’m going to get you food.” Rachel stopped protesting and nodded instead. Shelby smiled and ruffled Rachel’s hair teasingly. “Be a good puppy and watch Beth while I’m gone.” Rachel pouted and opened her mouth to protest being called a puppy, but Shelby was already heading out the door. She simply closed her mouth and concentrated on Beth. Soon, Beth was done eating and was calm in Rachel’s lap. Rachel sighed and walked back to the living room, where all the toys were, and placed Beth on the floor.
“You have no idea how lucky you are, Beth.” Rachel said softly as she watched Beth play. Beth was completely human. She would never have to face painful transformations ever month for the rest of her life, or face the reality of being a monster.
Rachel reached out to Beth, and the small girl saw her hand coming and grabbed on to one of Rachel’s fingers and smiled at her. Rachel couldn’t help but smile back and giggle a little, even as Beth was starting to chew on her finger.
Rachel suddenly frowned, thinking of her own teeth. She wondered if her regular teeth were any stronger or sharper, but she didn’t’ worry about them. No, she was worried about her sharp canine teeth.
They could easily cut into skin, easily kill someone. Her thoughts suddenly turned dark. She had no control over her wolf, what if she turned in her own home when her dads were home? Or worse, around Beth? No, Shelby would let that happen, right?
Rachel flinched away from Beth and scooted far away from her. The sudden movement slightly startled Beth, but she quickly got distracted by the toys again. Rachel brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The rest of the time she watched Beth from afar, not trusting herself to get too close.
Shelby came in rather quickly, and when she saw Rachel sitting as far form Beth as possible, Shelby raised an eyebrow but didn’t’ say anything. As she made dinner for her and Rachel, she watched her two daughters out of the corner of her eye.
Rachel, despite still being out of Beth’s range, was carefully watching Beth with a small smile on her face. Eventually, as Shelby was serving the food, Beth started to get fussy and Rachel looked distraught. As Beth cried Rachel starred rubbing circles on her back awkwardly and Shelby couldn’t help but laugh lightly at the scene.
“Let me take her, you go eat,” Shelby said as he walked to Beth and grabbed the small girl in her arms. Rachel nodded and walked to the table. She sat down and watched Shelby cuddle Beth close to her chest and make soft shushing noises. Eventually Beth fell asleep and Shelby put her back in her crib. When she walked to the table she smiled at Rachel. “Sorry, it’s time for her nap.” Rachel nodded and looked down at the plate and took a small bit, surprised that it was actually pretty good.
To say eating breakfast, or lunch, Rachel had no idea what time it was, was uncomfortable would be an understatement. She fidgeted in her seat and ate as quickly as she could, the silence being too much for her to take.
After seeing Shelby caring for Beth, the feeling of trespassing on their private lives came back. When she was done, she quickly excused herself and walked to her room. She closed the door behind her and collapsed face first on the bed. As soon as she hit the bed, she frowned. It was smaller and harder than her own and she punched the pillow in frustration.
It wasn’t fair, what she was thrown into. And she couldn’t change a thing.
____________________________________________________________________
Much to Shelby’s disappointment, Rachel had stayed in the spare room as much as possible for the rest of the weekend. Rachel thought she needed some space, and in the bedroom given to her seemed like the best place at the moment. She needed to think. So as she stared at the white ceiling, she did, and she came to one conclusion.
She needed to push everyone away from her so they can be safe.
It was the only way she knew how to protect everyone from her. Before, even after she changed for the first time, she thought that maybe it was a dream, or that she could get through it by being normal. But now she knew that wasn’t the case. Now she could only think about what they didn’t know, that she was a monster, and nothing Shelby said could make her think otherwise. It was simple, really, monster hurt people, kill even, and Rachel couldn’t hurt anyone. She didn’t want to kill anyone, and she was afraid she would slip up and eventually do it.
So she stayed locked up in that room, as if she could somehow lock her wolf in there and when she left it wouldn’t follow her. But she was just fooling herself, again. Even when Shelby tried to get her out of the room to talk about her wolf, Rachel refused and stayed in there. The few times she did come out, and Shelby would ask how she was feeling, Rachel would just say “fine” and go back to her room.
But Shelby knew she wasn’t fine, she was far from it. She could tell every time Rachel came out of that room, looking more lifeless each time. What was worse was that Shelby couldn’t connect with her at all, it was like she was talking to a wall. And that worried Shelby. Rachel was full of life, even when she was bullied, even when Shelby hurt her she still had her head high and didn’t let it show. But now, Rachel let everything show and it was a pitiful sight.
And that was how the weekend ended, and Shelby didn’t know what to do. Shelby walked to the door of the bedroom, which was wide open, and watched as Rachel packed her clothes back in her bag. Shelby sighed and knocked on the door, making Rachel turn around slightly.
“Can I come in?” Shelby asked and Rachel shrugged before going back to packing everything back in. Shelby frowned, but took that as a yes and walked in. She stood next to Rachel and once the short girl was done, the two stood next to each other in silence.
“I wish I got to talk to you more this weekend.” Shelby said quietly and Rachel shrugged again.
“I don’t know what we could have said, besides, we see each other in school, even if we don’t talk.” Rachel said quietly and became silent again. Shelby frowned and shook her head.
“That’s not the point. It’s just with you in your room and the few times you weren’t you-”
“I get it, it’s my fault,” Rachel snapped and sighed. “Like everything else.” Rachel said quietly, mostly to herself.
“That’s not how I meant it.” Shelby said. She really didn’t want for it to come out as if she was blaming Rachel. She didn’t blame Rachel at all, if anything, she blamed herself.
“Whatever.” Rachel said and Shelby looked at her worriedly. Her shoulders were slumped a little, as if there was a weight on them that Rachel couldn’t keep holding up. There were bags under her eyes, and her hair was unkempt. Rachel was also more cold and distant, and Shelby just wanted to make it all go away. Make all of Rachel’s pain go away and tell her everything would be fine.
But things never worked out like that. Especially for them.
Before Shelby could say anything, Rachel was already leaving the room. Shelby quickly walked after her, trying to be quiet with Beth sleeping in the living room. When Rachel reached the door, Shelby put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around. Surprisingly enough, Rachel didn’t resist, instead she allowed Shelby to move her around, like she was some kind of doll.
“How are you getting home?” Shelby asked, remembering that she had been the one to drive Rachel to her apartment. She could easily grab Beth and drive Rachel home, if Rachel would let her.
“Walking,” Rachel said and Shelby furrowed her eyebrows. Walking? Rachel may be a werewolf, but she wasn’t superhuman, and Shelby’s apartment was quiet a distance from Rachel’s house. “Bye.” Rachel said before turning around and opening the door before Shelby could say anything else. Rachel was in too much of a hurry that she didn’t see that there was already someone in front of the door, and she bumped in to the person.
“Rachel?” Rachel looked up and saw it was Puck she crashed into.
“Noah?” Rachel took a step back and looked at him. “What are you doing here?” The commotion woke up Beth, and she started crying. Both Puck and Shelby immediately looked at he direction. Shelby walked to the crib, and Puck gave Rachel a small smile as he walked past her and to Beth as well. Rachel watched the two stand close and calm Beth down, feeling out of place.
“Well, bye.” Rachel said awkwardly and they looked up to see her leaving.
“Rachel.” Shelby said sadly, but it was too late, Rachel was gone. Shelby sighed as Puck looked between Shelby and the space Rachel was at.
“What’s up with Rachel?” Puck asked. He hadn’t known Rachel saw and talked to Shelby, since at school they practically ignored each other.
“Puck, do me a favor, drive Rachel home.” Puck furrowed his eyebrows.
“She’s not driving herself home?”
“No, she’s walking,” Shelby said. “You and Rachel are close, right?” Puck frowned. They were close, once. He would go to the girls bathroom and talk with her if she needed it, he didn’t care. She was one of his closest friends and he would do anything for her. But then he saw Shelby more, and Beth, and he started feeling something for Shelby, and things between him and Rachel got… complicated.
“Sort of.” He finally said.
“Look, can you just drive her home, she can’t have gone far.” Puck slowly nodded, not sure what kind of family mess he walked in on. He walked outside and looked down the road and saw Rachel walking and frowned. She was wearing jeans and a hoodie, and had her hands in the pockets and was staring at the ground. He didn’t even have to talk to her to know something was wrong. He quickly got into his car and drove to her. He slowed down the car and opened the windows, leaning over the seat to talk, but Rachel beat him to it.
“You can go, Noah. I’m fine walking.” Rachel said, not even looking up at him, and Puck was surprised she knew it was him.
“Come on, Rachel, Shelby doesn’t want you walking home.” Puck tried and Rachel scoffed.
“Shelby? So you’re on a first name basis with her? How close are you two, exactly?” Puck stuttered a little bit, not expecting the question.
“It doesn’t matter,” He said and Rachel scoffed again. “But she doesn’t want you walking home.”
“Tell her I want to walk home. Besides,” Rachel said. “You’re only doing this for her, not me, so leave me alone.”
“I don’t want you walking home either.” Rachel sighed.
“I doubt you really want to give me a ride.” Rachel didn’t think anyone in the club liked or even cared about her anymore. First, they hated her because of Finn’s kiss in Nationals, then, half of the club left and Rachel was sure they all hated her for that too.
“I do, c’mon, you’re my friend and I want to give you a ride.” Rachel stopped and Puck quickly hit the brake, making the car jerk to a stop. Puck watched as Rachel still looked at the ground, as if she was thinking about it, and finally looked up at him.
“Really?” Puck frowned at the desperation in Rachel’s voice. He was used to hearing the confident voice Rachel always had when she was doing anything, really, and didn’t care who disagreed with her.
“Really, so,” Puck leaned over a little bit more and opened the passanger door. “Hop in.” Rachel nodded and did as told, and as Puck drove he looked at Rachel out of the corner of his eye.
Rachel was unusually quiet, and it worried Puck. The times he drove Rachel to places, whether they were dating or not, Rachel would always start talking about something, anything. Puck never really minded, Rachel was always happing talking and he was happy listening. But now, the silence from her was louder than any time she was talking.
It wasn’t just her newfound silence that unnerved Puck, either. He could see how… drained she looked. It was like he was looking at a ghost of her, and that scared Puck. The fact that Rachel looked like she was giving up on life was one of the worst things he had ever seen.
“Hey,” Puck said. “You okay?” Rachel shrugged.
“Fine.” Rachel said and fell silent again.
“You and Shelby looked pretty close.” Puck tried again, hoping to get some kind of response from her.
“Why do you say that?” Rachel asked, frowning. She knew Shelby was trying to help, but she didn’t think they were that close. They were still practically strangers.
“I don’t know, you were at her place and she was really worried about you.” Rachel sighed, thinking that Shelby was only worried about her because she was a werewolf. That was the only reason, and if she wasn’t, they would still be ignoring each other.
“I guess.” Rachel said and the two fell back into silence again. Puck finally reached Rachel’s house and he put a hand on her shoulder before she could leave.
“You still have my number?” Puck asked.
“Yeah.” Puck nodded and removed his hand.
“Cool, well, you can call me, you know,” Rachel looked at him, confused, and he sighed. “If you want to talk about anything, you can call me.” Rachel finally understood and nodded.
“Okay.”
“You don’t have to go through things alone, ya know.” Puck said softly as Rachel opened the door. Rachel simply got out of the car, pretending she didn’t hear him. As far as she knew, she did. She had Shelby, if only for a moment, and if she didn’t one day, she didn’t want to bring anyone else down with her.
She’d rather be alone than to let other people see who she really was.