[Fic] Passage - 7/7
Title: Passage
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Romance
***
Zhou Mi spent a lot of time in his head when he was in his apartment, packing to get ready for the trip. He wouldn’t give up his apartment, since he wasn’t assured a permanent training spot anyway. But if the competition ended, and Zhou Mi returned, then what? There was the question if Kyuhyun would even want to pick up where they had left off. And something in Zhou Mi said that it would just be giving Kyuhyun affirmation that ignoring Zhou Mi’s feelings, or using a friends-with-benefits angle, was okay. And it wasn’t. If Kyuhyun just wanted to get off, with no strings, then maybe he needed to invest in a doll. Something that wouldn’t talk back, or make things complicated, or messy, or make Kyuhyun feel anything at all.
And that wasn’t fair, and he knew it wasn’t. But it seemed like Kyuhyun wanted to pretend that they were no different then, than they had been the first night they’d slept together. And sex wasn’t everything.
There were a lot of things he did that weren’t good for himself. Food, one of those things. But even if he was a masochist, continuing a relationship that had no future wasn’t one of those things. If he couldn’t bring his problems, or discuss things with Kyuhyun, if something even bigger than this came along, then what? They’d crumble because Kyuhyun would block him out, and Zhou Mi would go on until he exploded. He knew himself better than that. The hurt, the withdrawal. Petty sniping, passive-aggressiveness until he would finally give up, or Kyuhyun would end it for him.
But the situation they had, he wanted it to be fear on Kyuhyun’s side that he could somehow sweep away. He’d been hoping that really from the very first moment, imagining that things would work out for them. Kyuhyun had not misrepresented himself. That wasn’t something Zhou Mi could blame him for. But it still made him want to shout, because he had fought for what he’d gotten, and he was at the verge of losing it. And he didn’t want it to be that dead-end relationship, and he wanted to know that Kyuhyun might see him as something more.
And his chances were running out.
The outer door of the stable hadn’t been locked yet for the night when he slipped in it. And for the first time, he ignored his horses, moving directly to the back where the stairs to Kyuhyun’s small apartment were. He knew Kyuhyun would be surprised, because it wasn’t as though he got many visitors at his apartment door, certainly not during the day while he worked downstairs, much less at night.
Except for when Zhou Mi showed up. But it was the first time he’d done so, unannounced.
And the confusion was definitely there on Kyuhyun’s face as he opened the door to Zhou Mi’s knock.
“Hey?” Kyuhyun said, staring around him as though the answer to why Zhou Mi was standing there was lurking somewhere in the stairwell. “Did we have plans?”
Zhou Mi shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. Can I come in for a moment?”
Kyuhyun stepped back, letting him in so the door could be closed behind him. Kyuhyun had clearly been eating, the scent of ramen in the air and a bowl on the table. But the food could be reheated. He feared that the words he had to say couldn’t.
“What’s up?” Kyuhyun asked. But he wasn’t really looking at Zhou Mi even then. The buttons on his shirt maybe, or his ear. Like they were strangers, or Zhou Mi was the school principal come to scold him. And that lack of trust frustrated him to no end. And the sound he made brought Kyuhyun’s eyes to his, before Zhou Mi began to speak.
“I’ve been thinking a lot. While I was packing. I didn’t get to say what I wanted to the other day. I’m really going to miss being here. Coming to the stable every day. Seeing you.”
Kyuhyun’s face stilled, and Zhou Mi could almost feel the retreat. “Oh. Yeah. But it’s probably best it happened this way. Like you said, before there was anything more to miss.”
Anything more to miss than sex, that is. Kyuhyun couldn’t have been more blatant about that if he’d added a hip thrust to it. And it meant that Kyuhyun distilled any bits of companionship, any hint of friendship, into only one thing - what they’d done in bed. And it made him so angry.
He stepped forward, and Kyuhyun’s hand came up between them as though that would stop Zhou Mi’s advance. “Hey.”
“Do you have someone lined up to replace me when I go?”
“You know I d-“
Zhou Mi didn’t let him finish. You know I don’t. What Zhou Mi assumed Kyuhyun was going to say. No. If Kyuhyun had a string of men, then there was no reason to start up with Zhou Mi. No reason to take that chance.
The kiss half missed the first time, but his hand steadying the back of Kyuhyun’s head meant the second one didn’t. He knew those lips, the way they fitted to his. And Kyuhyun gave to him. Kyuhyun’s fingers, curling into the front of his shirt. And what he wanted to tell Kyuhyun in that moment wasn’t in words, or frustration. It was to show him what they had, the understanding they had. It wasn’t usual, that connection. That he wanted everything that Kyuhyun gave to him, that he wanted Kyuhyun to want him as well.
“Please.”
One more time. One last time? No, he refused to think that way. If Kyuhyun wouldn’t listen, then maybe he’d feel.
But what made that time different than any of the other times?
“Come on,” Kyuhyun said.
Taking the first step. Kyuhyun leading him the front of his shirt. Lingering hint of spicy beef broth in his kiss, scrabbling at Kyuhyun’s shirt to get to bare skin. His sides, the small of his back, pulling Kyuhyun into his body, solid and real. They stripped almost in concert, and they rocked together, a moan against his cheek. Pants at their knees, friction of cloth against cloth as their hips moved almost independent of anything else.
Clothes falling, pressing Kyuhyun back onto the sheets. Gorgeous. Kyuhyun’s chest under his hands, wrestling with him. But looks, there were gorgeous men all over. Kyuhyun wasn’t the first one he’d seen, or the last.
It was him. Kyuhyun. His eyes as Zhou Mi swept back his hair, fixed on his and needing. It was Kyuhyun the man he saw in those eyes, the one he wanted to be with, to know more about. And he had no idea what Kyuhyun saw looking back. Or if he saw anything at all.
He moaned for Kyuhyun as they kissed. As Kyuhyun urged him with hands and hips. Until Zhou Mi slid inside him, breathing harsh and anguished at Kyuhyun’s throat. It was too good. Too good, and he almost lost control.
Kyuhyun hissed between his teeth as Zhou Mi’s slowness, but he couldn’t help it. Every vestige of control trembling out from his skin.
“Faster,” Kyuhyun demanded in Zhou Mi’s ear.
“Faster what?” he asked, lifting his head far enough to see.
Kyuhyun’s face tightened, thinking he knew what Zhou Mi wanted.
“Faster please?”
“Faster please who?” Zhou Mi asked again.
And his hips took a bump, fully inside Kyuhyun and waiting. He could almost hear the debate in Kyuhyun’s head.
“Fuck me faster. Please. Zhou Mi.”
It hadn’t been what they were doing that he’d wanted. It had been his name.
“Yes. Kyuhyun. Yes.”
Perfect union of glide and friction, heat of skin and chill of air. Kyuhyun’s nails digging into his back and forcing his thrusts. He whimpered at the feel of Kyuhyun’s hand between them, pleasuring himself. Kyuhyun was perfect. Perfect. Under him, in him, over him, laughing with him, coming for him.
And his thread of control frayed to nothing. Gasping against Kyuhyun’s collar bone as his body surged, feeling Kyuhyun’s rumbling moans.
Kyuhyun’s sheepish, satisfied smile as they curled together. And that was exactly what he wanted. Feeling Kyuhyun’s mouth press back for him, soft kisses, softer sounds. Kyuhyun’s arm wound over his ribs, and Zhou Mi used that, pressing close. Tasting Kyuhyun’s mouth, his jaw, his cheekbone. Amazed and undone by the moment together as he stroked through Kyuhyun’s hair.
“Kyuhyun,” he whispered, stroking Kyuhyun’s face and kissing him again.
“Nice,” Kyuhyun answered, angling a little closer.
“Hm?”
“You pick nice ways to say goodbye.”
Kyuhyun’s hand was tracing patterns on Zhou Mi’s lower back, his nose nudging against Zhou Mi’s. It was everything he’d hoped for, but for those stinging words.
And it felt like all the air in the room had gone.
That hadn’t been his intention at all.
Kyuhyun’s eyes flew open as Zhou Mi struggled to extract his legs from the sheet.
“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun asked, and there was such confusion in that sound. “Hey. What-“
He slipped his arm from Kyuhyun’s grasping hand, nearly grabbing Kyuhyun’s pants on accident.
“I have to finish packing,” he said, and would have left naked if he could have. His pants fought, but he won, getting his shirt half on, and his socks and underwear in one hand. He wasn’t staying any longer than he had to.
“Zhou Mi?”
He tensed, Kyuhyun’s hand on his arm again, and he could barely look. Kyuhyun peering up at him, awkward and somehow oddly concerned. If Kyuhyun wouldn’t miss him? Maybe even glad to see him go. He tugged his arm away again.
“I’ll be in early tomorrow to pack up the rest of Dahua’s things. The trailer will be here at noon to transport him, like you know.” Zhou Mi spoke as he walked, knowing Kyuhyun was following him.
“You came here to tell me something?”
“Nothing-“ Nothing Kyuhyun wanted to hear. “Nothing. I’ll lock up on the way out. Good night.”
He hadn’t even tied his shoes, and he went down the stairs carefully. Stopping only for moments to tuck up his laces, but not pausing long. Just needing to get out of the stable itself. Ignoring Dahua and Zhu, and feeling terrible for it.
His car door slamming was harder than he’d meant to. It went with his oddly shaking hands. He hadn’t said anything. He’d been a coward. Even if Kyuhyun didn’t want him, he at least should’ve been told what Zhou Mi felt. Wasn’t that fair? Zhou Mi shouldn’t have been the one dealing with it alone. But he sucked in several breaths until he felt steady enough to drive. He was going two hours away, with a horse still in the stable. It might’ve been an end - and it might’ve been a goodbye - but he’d be seeing Kyuhyun after tomorrow again one way or another. Even if he didn’t know how that would end up, or what he’d have to say when it happened. But he had a horse to concentrate on, a competition, and a mentorship. He had things to learn, and a busy month ahead of him. If there was something to salvage, if Kyuhyun realized something. Anything. They would see. He didn’t know what to hope. But he would do what he had to, and hope that was enough.
***
Kyuhyun slept poorly, checking the locks, the horses. It had been awkward when Zhou Mi had left after their aborted “discussion.” But even more so that night. Where he wasn’t sure what exactly had happened. One moment, it was like nothing had changed, Zhou Mi holding him with studied tightness. He couldn’t languish there for a decade. But the next thing he knew, Zhou Mi had been jittering out the door. And he replayed everything he’d said. It had been a goodbye, hadn’t it? One way or the other, Zhou Mi was leaving the next day. At some point they had to say goodbye. And he didn’t think Zhou Mi had said everything he had come to say. And that made him anxious in a lot of ways. Even as he pushed away Zhou Mi’s words, he waited for Zhou Mi to push back. And he was still waiting.
Nothing he had to say made sense, and he just wanted Zhou Mi to say something so they could make a move.
He was double checking everything, making sure all of Dahua’s tack and supplies had been gathered. Keeping his distance as Zhou Mi said his goodbyes to Zhu, as though the horse was understanding why Zhou Mi was leaving him for a while. And the truck and horse trailer pulled in, and it sent Kyuhyun’s stomach into twists.
Dahua, in his leg wrappings and blanket, loaded into the trailer with no fuss at all. All of the tack, loaded quickly as well. And Kyuhyun wanted to put a screeching halt to everything. He needed another week to poke at Zhou Mi, see what needed to be done. He wasn’t… He wasn’t satisfied. Nothing he’d said had been hurtful that he remembered. They’d been good together, in bed. They’d had fun together, out of it. And he felt like a middle schooler again, with the gnawing unease. It wasn’t supposed to make him feel like that.
“I guess it’s going to be a while until I see this place again,” Zhou Mi said, letting out a breath as he stared up at the rafters.
“Yeah. It’ll be quiet. In a lot of ways. But we started out expecting nothing big.”
He braced himself for the argument. Zhou Mi taking that offhand statement, and twisting it back on Kyuhyun. It was easy to say it was just sex, nothing big, no kind of emotions or whatever, but whether that was reality or not? Zhou Mi refuting it, saying that even if it was a long time, they could still keep in touch by phone, or email, or would Kyuhyun wait for him to get back because they had something good going together?
“Mm,” Zhou Mi said, smiling. “Yeah, we did. Thanks for everything again, really. I’d better get going, or they’ll leave me.”
Kyuhyun was stiff and still for pat to his shoulder.
“Bye bye!”
“Bye,” Kyuhyun echoed numbly, as Zhou Mi turned, waving a little as he jogged to the truck. Climbing in with a laugh for the driver, and another wave at Kyuhyun as the truck and horse trailer were put in motion. And then nothing. Just empty space. No blown kiss, no sappy speeches, no future promises.
No man to let in at night, or roll out of bed in the morning. No one to hog his cereal, his shower, his TV. No one to point out the sorry state of his shoes, and suck him into oblivion, and run bare-assed through the apartment to find his phone.
Haha, the joke was on him. He’d been laying it all on Zhou Mi’s shoulders to protest, to say they had something worth working at, so that Kyuhyun didn’t have to think about it, or do anything to help it. And Zhou Mi had driven off with barely a thank you, and that had been more directed at the stable functions. Nothing at all about what they’d done, what they’d been, together. Like it hadn’t mattered? Like it was easily replicated and replaced, by whoever?
He argued he was supposed to feel liberated, all the options in the world. Nothing to tie him down. Instead, he just felt used. Zhou Mi had been the one cuddling the night before, kissing until he shivered with it. How the hell did he rectify that with the man who had said goodbye like they were barely more than casual acquaintances?
Everything had gone wrong. So, so wrong.
Call me when you get there, he’d have said, tickling Zhou Mi closer in the privacy of his office.
I will, Zhou Mi would have promised. I’ll miss you. So much.
I’ll come down some weekend so you can show me around. And then, maybe I can get away to see you compete. Can you handle that?
He could almost feel Zhou Mi’s smile. And the parting kiss, and the touch to his face, as though Kyuhyun meant something to him.
And he swallowed hard, fists clenching as he still stood in the middle the stable door.
Because Zhou Mi meant something to him.
***
“What horse business are you up to?” Kyuhyun asked, leaning in to pat Zhu’s rump. The young horse turned with interest, nosing Kyuhyun’s hand. “What, you think I have something for you? Why would you think that?”
If a horse could telegraph impatience, Zhu was doing that with his nodding head. He could smell the treat, and he wanted it. Now.
“All right, fine. But twenty pushups for you.” And Zhu happily crunched on the carrot Kyuhyun had been hiding.
It was true, he pampered Zhu a little bit. His stablemate was gone, and his owner as well. The stall beside Zhu’s was starkly empty, and he had too many memories of seeing Zhou Mi standing there, and leaning in to talk to Dahua. So, maybe he was comforting both of them, in a way. Zhou Mi had been gone almost a week, and there had been no word, not even to let him know they’d made it safely. He really hadn’t expected any, but the reality of it was a lot tougher to swallow. Zhu’s ears pricked, and Kyuhyun turned his head as Henry approached.
“Ah, he must miss Dahua and Zhou Mi,” Henry said, scratching behind Zhu’s ears. “Do you know exactly when Zhou Mi is coming back?”
“I don’t know if he is coming back,” Kyuhyun admitted.
And Henry’s head popped around Zhu’s immediately, staring at him with narrowed, un-Henry-like eyes. “What do you mean? He never said anything about going permanently. Did you guys break up?”
Kyuhyun didn’t let his face move. “We weren’t dating.”
“Maybe you didn’t say you were, or didn’t want to call it that, but really?”
“The story I got was that he might come back, but only if the place he was filling closed up again.”
“You did break up. Whoa.”
“It’s a great opportunity for him. No reason to be dragged back here.”
“Yeah, but if he doesn’t get that spot there, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to come back to?”
He knew Henry didn’t say it to make him feel bad, but it did. Well deserved, most likely. He’d probably hurt Zhou Mi by not acknowledging what they had, and Zhou Mi had hurt him back. Intentionally or not, on Zhou Mi’s part. Following Kyuhyun’s rules, and stabbing him in the chest with them. Which just meant he sucked at making rules. When he got that sick feeling, he shoved the thoughts aside.
“Maybe. Let’s get feeding. We have hungry horses here.”
“If you need to talk about it, work anything out, I’m here?” Henry said quietly as they walked to start feeding their charges. “He just left. If you wanted to patch things up, it’s not too late. But that’s just if you want to.”
“Thanks,” Kyuhyun told him. And meant it.
***
And two days later, he got the letter. The letter that had Henry sprinting into the barn like rabid dogs were after him to tell Kyuhyun he had mail, from Zhou Mi. At first he thought it was payment for Zhu, or something of the like. Until he realized it was addressed to him, and not the stable. And as much as Henry was probably dying to know what it said, Kyuhyun locked himself in his office with a feeling of dread.
There were a few things Zhou Mi hadn’t gotten to say.
He rectified that in his letter. Snippets of lines jumped out at him.
I would have enjoyed dating you, going places with you.
I’m sorry what we had wasn’t what you anticipated, and that your warning didn’t sink in. I wanted more anyway, and I think you realized that.
I think it’s hard to sleep with someone without complications, because you weren’t just good in bed, but were handsome, and funny, and nice. At least, it’s hard if you do it more than once.
I hope this finds you well. Dahua made the journey safely.
I will miss being there with you, whether either of us think I should.
It was damning without being truly angry. Chastising without scolding. It was almost like Zhou Mi was trying to give him advice, while at the same time saying goodbye. Zhou Mi, it seemed to say, took some of the blame on himself as well. And it wasn’t like Kyuhyun had done anything to help, besides deflecting whatever Zhou Mi tried to tell him.
Zhou Mi had tried to talk to him - twice. And the third time, the letter, was the acknowledgement of the end of their relationship. Things he couldn’t say to Kyuhyun, or that Kyuhyun hadn’t let him. Even more stupid, because… What had he been so afraid of? It was hindsight, if they could’ve gently eased out, maybe he wouldn’t have been feeling like an idiot. As it was, he just felt like an ass. He tried to imagine a day out, going shopping, amusement park, dinner. Movie date, walking by the river, anything. Things he enjoyed doing. Things he’d have enjoyed doing with Zhou Mi. Things he’d been working toward, internally, before everything had gotten thrown out of focus. He didn’t want Zhou Mi to stay to train, because it meant he wasn’t ever coming back. And something Henry said struck home, belatedly. That if Zhou Mi didn’t get a place, then who did he have to come back to? Zhu, of course. And a stable staff. And maybe… A month wasn’t forever. They weren’t going to forget everything about each other in that time. And if Zhou Mi wanted, they could try and do all those things.
His calendar mocked him, reminding him that it was Friday, and it meant the weekend was almost there. Weekends were their busiest time, and on short notice, there was no way he could leave. He cursed himself, and dialed.
A confused Henry, probably not 20 yards away, answered. “Hey?”
It was much easier to ask without Henry staring at his face.
“Hey,” Kyuhyun said, flipping the letter over so he didn’t have to look at it any more. “Are you free to watch the stable Monday? And…Maybe Tuesday, too?”
He didn’t have to see Henry to feel the ecstatic smile.
***
The stable was a comforting thing to Zhou Mi. Any stable, really. The sounds and smells of horses, and the chatter of other riders. The occasional, inevitable fly. A week and a half into his mentorship, and he was ecstatic with what had happened so far. Dahua was growing, every day. Perfecting their collection, the straightness of their lines. Things that might have seemed small, but added up, every moment in the competition ring. And it made a difference, to get constructive criticism. There was no one standing at the side of the ring, yelling, or putting him down. Or, perhaps even more importantly, putting Dahua down. There were, obviously, things one horse was more suited for than another. But a lot of that came from the person on Dahua’s back, how he was taught to respond. So Zhou Mi was more content, that way. And he ate, breathed, and slept the stable. Even if he wasn’t riding Dahua, he was watching and learning from the others, or seeing to Dahua’s care. It felt wonderful, like some kind of riding summer camp.
And it allowed him to not think about his general problem. The letter to Kyuhyun had been impulse. When he thought about possibly going back to keep Dahua at Kyuhyun’s stable, he balked at the thought of trying to talk to Kyuhyun. It would be incredibly, inescapably awkward. And there were things that were lost, when they were said. He wrote about six different versions of it, jotted notes, rearranged thoughts. One he scrapped because he couldn’t seem to write legibly. He wrote the final draft one night, let it sit there the whole of the next day. And then finally mailed it, once he decided it didn’t sound too deranged, or angry, or something. His instinct was to go full tilt, throw his emotions at the page. And he’d done that, sort of. It sounded a little less like him but it still got across what he wanted to say, which was the important thing in the end. If Kyuhyun understood it, if Kyuhyun even cared what he had to say, that was something else entirely. He felt lighter after sending it, and was glad he did, at least for the moment. Hoping he hadn’t made a mistake, and realizing he really could have.
He had latched Dahua’s stall door, hanging the lead rope carefully, when he heard a throat clear behind him. He expected any number of people. The stable manager, a groom, his mentor.
The last person he really expected was Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun who was slouching slightly, hands so far in his pockets that it looked uncomfortable.
“Hey,” Kyuhyun said.
“Hi! I- Hi?”
He truly had no idea what to say, or even how to stand. He still had his fingers on the lead rope, unsure of what he was doing. It was like his thoughts had conjured Kyuhyun there by magic.
“I had some time off coming,” Kyuhyun said, stepping up to pet Dahua who had popped his head out, curious. “Thought I’d come down and see a different kind of operation. You busy?”
“No.” He wasn’t busy. Just confused. But if Kyuhyun wanted a tour, then he could give that. He let some of the stiffness go out of him, so they could walk. They weren’t talking about any personal issues they had, and he could only speculate as to Kyuhyun’s purpose. He showed Kyuhyun the exercise and practice arenas, the two wings of the stable. Pointing out different horses that were going places. The feed and tack rooms, washing areas. Some of it might’ve been good knowledge for Kyuhyun, for his own stable. But Zhou Mi appreciated the half hour or so that the tour took, because it gave him time to collect himself, without his brain falling all over. Kyuhyun should’ve called, in case Zhou Mi had been busy, but if he’d called, what would Zhou Mi have said? He probably would’ve agreed, he couldn’t kid himself. But he had less time to get anxious. Less time to prepare. Kyuhyun had had both.
“I saw you were finishing up practicing when I got here, so I kind of hung back so you could get Dahua settled. He’s looking good.”
“He is,” Zhou Mi agreed. “He’s really settled in wonderfully. It’s been amazing, really.”
“Great.” Kyuhyun blew out a breath. “Are you free after this? I have some things to show you. We could get something to eat?”
“No, I’m free.” Kyuhyun was asking him to eat? As a meal. Just a meal, he couldn’t think of it as more than that. Not a date, though the fact that Kyuhyun was asking him at all meant something. That he was there, meant something. And he couldn’t help but be wary, because a little voice in the back of his head wondered if Kyuhyun wasn’t there to maybe get a little bit more convenient sex. And that was the last thing he wanted to think.
Kyuhyun had rented a car in town, and followed him to the restaurant he had in mind. It was nice, quiet. A little out of the rush time for food, so they were almost alone. Getting their food, and telling Kyuhyun a little more about what he and Dahua had been working on, since Kyuhyun asked.
A little curious, a little apprehensive about what Kyuhyun had to show him.
But he shouldn’t have been. He’d eaten most of his meal, when Kyuhyun slid his phone across the table. On it was a picture of a horse’s muzzle coming toward the screen. He recognized Zhu’s distinctive white snip immediately, laughing.
“Oh. Oh, he’s so precious.”
And there were more pictures of Zhu, of him nosing through his hay, and tossing his head in impatience, and grazing in one of the turnout pastures. They had agreed, he and Kyuhyun, that Henry could ride Zhu. Nothing serious, just keeping Zhu remembering what it was like to be under saddle. And there was a short video, of Henry and Zhu going around the paddock, Henry waving, and Zhu behaving. And another of Henry rubbing Zhu down, as Zhu’s upper lip waggled in pleasure.
He laughed so hard he hurt, and he hurt in a different way.
“I miss him,” he said, touching the next picture of Zhu eating something from Kyuhyun’s hand. “I miss him a lot. Thank you for these. I’m glad he’s doing well.”
“He’s a real ham. We made sure he wasn’t too lonely.”
“Thank you.”
And he saw only Kyuhyun smiling down at the screen in fondness. And he missed more than just his horse.
***
The three hour train ride had been the longest of Kyuhyun’s life. If Zhou Mi wasn’t at the stable, if he was busy, if he wouldn’t talk to Kyuhyun. All the things that he worried about, and couldn’t take into account. Zhou Mi had come to him, and it was his turn to return the favor. He wasn’t blindly optimistic, but more so than he had been a week previous. If Zhou Mi had written that letter thinking he’d instruct Kyuhyun for the next man in Kyuhyun’s life, then that was one thing. Henry had been right. He had a chance to fix things. He just hoped he had the ability to do so.
And just walking together, hearing Zhou Mi’s voice. After he’d gotten through being utterly shocked, that is. And he couldn’t have blamed Zhou Mi for that. Surprise visits a week and a half later could hardly be expected. But Zhou Mi had agreed to eat with him as well, and that was another buoy to his hope. Showing Zhou Mi the pictures of Zhu, and watching him laugh and smile. Looking up at Kyuhyun so warmly as they ate, with that bit of measure.
Wary, wondering. Hoping?
“So, you and Henry are…?”
He looked up from the bite he’d just shoved in his mouth. “Are what?”
“Uhm. Are… Together now?”
The chicken he was swallowing nearly went down the wrong way as he sucked in a breath to choke out a laugh. Instead, he just choked. Like a great buffoon, trying to cough delicately into his napkin while still breathing as Zhou Mi seemed to be prepared to do the Heimlich if necessary. The water he drank just barely helped, instead of scalding his throat.
“Henry? No. No! Why would you think that? He’s… He’s like my crazy little brother.”
“I don’t know,” Zhou Mi said. “I never thought about it before, but you seemed to be having fun. Maybe he didn’t want anything complicated either.”
It was an odd moment, staring at his plate. And it was hard to swallow, with his throat so tight. But he did, at least, manage to mutter something that was becoming clearer to him by the day.
“I don’t think there is anything more complicated than sex.”
And he didn’t know how to finish that thought. Looking up, in hopes that Zhou Mi had mysteriously cottoned on to what he was saying. And Zhou Mi’s mouth, a mouth he had much admired in both laughter and petulance, frowned. Confusion as Zhou Mi considered him. Zhou Mi shook his head for a moment, as though trying convince himself that whatever he was thinking wasn’t right. And though he wanted to, he didn’t look away.
“Why did you come today?” Zhou Mi asked, his head tilting slightly.
Kyuhyun looked down immediately, setting aside his chopsticks. “I don’t want to discuss this here.”
“Are you done then?”
“Yeah.” And he couldn’t have eaten anything else anyway. Not when his stomach was flopping. He wanted to be sure that Zhou Mi still wanted. Wanted what, he didn’t know. What had Zhou Mi wanted to start? He thought he knew. He just hadn’t let himself own it.
They split the bill, and he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands as they walked toward the cars.
“Where are you staying?” Zhou Mi asked.
“I was going to get a hotel room,” Kyuhyun said. “I haven’t been down here before, so I thought maybe you’d know one nearby.”
“I don’t, really. But I could look. We can talk first. The place I’m using is nice, furnished. If… There’s a couch, so… we can see.”
It was easy to imagine turning around, turning in his rental car, escaping. But he had a few words he felt it was his turn to be saying. It wasn’t the time to be a coward, and he’d gotten that far.
The little place Zhou Mi had to use was nice, if small. The couch Zhou Mi had mentioned, little kitchen and table. Zhou Mi seemed torn between both, as if he wanted to offer Kyuhyun a drink, and force him to say why he was there at the same time. It was a bit of a standoff, and he leaned against the back of the couch to have something to do with his hands.
“I got your letter.” Which seemed rather obvious. If Zhou Mi hadn’t gotten that from the first moment he’d seen Kyuhyun, then he had a severe problem in his reasoning center. But he drew a fortifying breath and said what he had said to himself on the entire train ride. “I wanted to apologize. You left thinking I wasn’t interested- That I didn’t want- That we were done. I made you think that. But that’s not what I wanted.”
Zhou Mi took a step forward, and Kyuhyun didn’t blame him. He’d have wanted to put himself out of his misery, too, but he hadn’t gotten it all out yet, stupid as it was. But his held-up hand got Zhou Mi to stop. He hadn’t really been sure how to say “I’m a fucking idiot” besides, well. Actually saying so.
“I would make the crappiest boyfriend ever, but I’d like to give it a shot with you. If you- Yeah.”
There was a moment of silence, Zhou Mi considering him with a tense face, one hand kneading his other. And the moment broke.
“Sit down,” Zhou Mi offered, pulling out one of the chairs at the table. “I’ll get tea if you want.”
Yeah, scalding hot liquid in the hands of a guy he’d been a clod to. No problem.
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
He sat, fidgeted. Waiting as Zhou Mi set steaming cups and tea bags for them.
“I haven’t changed my mind, you know?” Zhou M said, standing almost beside him, his voice soft, but sure. “I wouldn’t have sent that letter if I didn’t hope there might be something we could do to fix this.”
A teensy tiny little leaden weight the size of Antarctica lifted off of his stomach. And he let his mouth twitch a little, staring across as Zhou Mi sat down.
“It was a real kick when you left, without fighting me. So I guess I wondered why.”
The silence drifted for a moment, and Zhou Mi’s voice was soft. “You wanted me to fight you?”
Kyuhyun laughed, hissing a bit as he touched the too-hot side of his mug.
“I guess I thought if you cared you’d end up at least trying to make plans or something. Not that I probably would’ve responded right.”
Zhou Mi considered him. “Because you cared enough to want me to? I guess it might seem pretty stupid to go away, not knowing that you were going to be waiting or not. But I hoped you’d change your mind.”
“So doing like I said was kind of a ruse to get me to come after you?”
“Ruse is harsh,” Zhou Mi hedged. “If you didn’t want me, then what did you lose?”
“Self respect? Self esteem?” Kyuhyun chortled as Zhou Mi poked him in the side. “Not like you’re the type to just hop in and out of a casual fling.”
“So why start up with me to start with?”
“Because your legs go on for-fucking-ever?”
“Kyuhyun.”
But he sobered, even as Zhou Mi’s smile blossomed.
“I was lonely,” Kyuhyun admitted. “And I didn’t think I was going to end up…needing.”
Zhou Mi reached, and folded Kyuhyun’s hand between both of his. “No. Because it was both of us.”
“I guess that makes me conceited. And selfish. And-“
“Kyuhyun. You already apologized. I wish we’d talked like this before.”
The whole thing was making his head hurt, but he could at least see the reason in at least talking now and then. And he knew, he’d needed that kick in the pants, Zhou Mi leaving, to realize what he was doing wrong. And how wrong he’d been.
Zhou Mi got his chair just that much closer, and the anticipation was nearly cloying as he could tell Zhou Mi was gearing up to say something important. “Is there still a place for Dahua at the stable?”
He didn’t even have to think about that. “Yes?”
“Then I want to come back,” Zhou Mi said, the words rushed before he clarified. “Not just because of you. Though, that makes it nicer. There isn’t a place here for me, not yet. Maybe some day. I’ve learned a lot the last couple of weeks, and I know I will keep learning until I leave. But Dahua and I, we both have a lot to work on. And I’d like to do that where I was most comfortable and happy. If you want me there.”
He nodded. “I do want you there. And… we can date or something.”
Zhou Mi sighed indulgently. “That sounds good.”
Did that mean it had worked? He really could hardly believe that he was sitting at Zhou Mi’s table, trying to see if Zhou Mi’s smile was really that happy, and holding his hand. He’d done what he’d come to do. Show Zhou Mi the pictures and videos of Zhu, get his head out of his ass and apologize. He half worried he’d misread things, that Zhou Mi was playing him. But Zhou Mi was coming back. To the stable, to Zhu. And also to him. Holy crap, he’d actually manned up and done it, and it had worked. He resisted the urge to pump his fist as he stared at their hands. That was comforting. Solid. Very Zhou Mi. Also, a little sweaty.
“The only reason a hand should be that wet is if it’s getting more of a workout than what we’re doing,” he observed.
And Zhou Mi nearly snorted his tea.
***
“Boo!”
Zhou Mi laughed, adjusting his laptop screen when he saw Kyuhyun appear on it. His hair was damp, clearly just out of the shower to answer Zhou Mi’s chat request. Kyuhyun didn’t mean to be a tease, but it still came off that way. He could all too easily imagine running his fingers through that wet hair, and they were separated by too many miles to do that.
Almost every night, even if it was just for a few minutes, they talked. Not always on the computer. Sometimes by phone, also. But he liked it, with the webcam. He got to see Kyuhyun’s expressions as they talked. He liked that they had things to talk about. What they’d done that day, preparations for the competition. Him trying to get out of Kyuhyun things that they could do, once they were back in the same city. Teasing, really, to get Kyuhyun flustered. And it didn’t take much. Though it was obvious Kyuhyun knew what Zhou Mi was doing. He found a site of first date questions, and they did a few of those every night, too, to Kyuhyun’s mocking embarrassment.
A little beyond favorite color and favorite animal and food. He nearly fell asleep one night, just listening Kyuhyun talk about music, and where he’d gone to school. It was exceptionally…wonderful. They were like handfuls of mini-dates, that he could carry around with him, and tuck away. Proof that Kyuhyun had meant what he said, and wanted to spend time with Zhou Mi, to date him. And he appreciated that. He was excited, anxious, about the competition. But as lovely as speaking to Kyuhyun by distance was, he wanted to be there. Experience everything for himself. Get Kyuhyun into his apartment, and lean into him on the couch, and wake up next to him.
It forced them to be, without sex, this way. But he was not afraid of adding that back. Anticipating it.
“Hey sexy,” Zhou Mi said, blowing a little kiss just to tease. And Kyuhyun endeavored to catch it…while falling over. “Don’t make me hit you through the computer.”
“Sassy. What’s up?”
“Just relaxing. Good shower?”
“Yeah,” Kyuhyun said, and his lips curved. “Better if you’d been in it.”
“Anything would be better with me in it.”
Kyuhyun cackled. “Like me, I assume?”
Zhou Mi felt a little smug. “Of course.”
“You, too, I guess. You even look sexy with horse snot smeared on your neck, so, really, that’s the siren call to someone running a stable.”
“Siren call.” Zhou Mi couldn’t help the laugh, watching Kyuhyun still grinning at him. “I’ll tell that to Dahua next time.”
“Not going to tell me how sexy I am?”
The joy was bright, and so immediate, and filled Zhou Mi right to the brim, sensation all but deluging him from the center of his chest.
“Endlessly sexy,” Zhou Mi promised, and listed things off just to make Kyuhyun squirm. “You’d stare at me with those eyes, with your hair all tousled. The way your pants showed off your butt. Your hands on a lead rope. Your slow grin, smirking at me. Wondering how you’d kiss.”
“And the kisses were good?”
“Very good.”
“They’ll be good in a week, too,” Kyuhyun said, smiling.
Yes, in a week. After smoothing over their differences with the cup of tea in Zhou Mi’s temporary apartment, Kyuhyun had brought up his bag, and showered. It hadn’t been the couch, but Zhou Mi’s bed. Zhou Mi had welcomed him to it, but had no condoms or anything else. But they hadn’t needed them. Kyuhyun had slid effortlessly into his arms, and they had rolled together, mirth taking them. The solid feeling of Kyuhyun between his arms and pressed against him. And the first time they’d kissed, since the last time they’d had sex in Kyuhyun’s apartment. Kyuhyun’s lips, a little dry, a little tentative. But he was who he was, and Kyuhyun as well. And they’d recognized each other. Not the first kiss, or the last that night. Clothes hadn’t come off, and it had been the best, brightest hope he’d been given. They knew how to be with each other, even if they hadn’t known it yet.
“You know when you’re coming back to the stable?” Kyuhyun had asked, an arm under his head.
“Probably as soon after the competition as I can arrange transport for Dahua. His stable spot will be needed soon after, so… Not long, I hope.”
Kyuhyun had hummed, sneaking his other arm over Zhou Mi’s side. “I could drive down that day, with one of the stable’s trailers. Stay to see you compete, and then we could pack up and drive back.”
“Eager to see me back?” Zhou Mi teased him.
“I’d like to be there for you,” Kyuhyun said. “And it’s a good extra excuse to take off the day, if I’m bringing back a stable resident.”
He hadn’t been able to tell Kyuhyun that night, how much that thought meant to him.
Or how much being woken the next morning by a man who had kissed him, rather mintily, to tease him about borrowed mouth wash.
Though he wasn’t sure either of them could taste it, by the time they’d finished kissing.
***
The morning of a competition was always intense. The grooming, the nerves - of both rider and horse. Kyuhyun rose incredibly early to be on the road on time with the slower-moving trailer. They could take even more time going back, with the precious cargo, but he needed to get there first. He arrived just as Zhou Mi was braiding Dahua’s mane, and he settled for a pat to Zhou Mi’s butt as he let himself into the stall.
“Good morning.”
“You’re here early,” Zhou Mi said smiling at him.
“Wanting to be here to make sure you were getting ready correctly. You need anything else? I can comb his tail?”
“That’d be great. The comb and spray is right behind me.”
“Nice behind.”
The laugh was nice to hear. And hopefully it helped Zhou Mi relax as well. It was only a small thing he was doing, but for Zhou Mi it was much more important. All he was doing was running a comb through some horse hair, and making sure Dahua’s legs were clean. And in a moment of privacy, ducking down to steal a quick, greeting kiss. From Zhou Mi, not Dahua. Standing by, helping to put the tack on so that Zhou Mi could warm up, and standing with Dahua as Zhou Mi tugged the last of his show clothes on. There was something exhilarating about it, knowing that Zhou Mi was racing after his dreams. And he was, ever, gorgeous in the crisp black and white outfit.
“I like your hat,” he said, as Zhou Mi mounted Dahua.
“I have others! Ones not for riding. You’ll see all of them,” Zhou Mi said, laughing with a bit of promise.
“If watching you this time doesn’t kill me from anticipation, I’d like to come with you to see you compete next time, too,” Kyuhyun said. And the hand on Zhou Mi’s thigh was, mostly innocent. He liked that leg after all. His hand was covered by Zhou Mi’s, in a soft white glove.
“I’ll look forward to it even more then,” Zhou Mi said. And Kyuhyun understood.
He understood all too well, as Dahua gleamed in the ring, from where Kyuhyun stood with the other groups of competitor’s staff and teams. Zhou Mi, poised and moving with the horse who could go all the places Zhou Mi wanted.
Okay, so they had to figure out dating before that could happen. And if the way Zhou Mi spoke fondly of shopping meant anything, he was going to have to buy new shoes just to stop any whining about hiking the stores. And he could bully Zhou Mi into bed, and make him buy a boatload of fried chicken, and that sounded pretty heavenly. Just like the horses were hard work, but they were worth it.
It was hard work, just watching Zhou Mi move in the arena. Hitting his marks, moving smoothly from technique to technique. The horse gathered, and loose, and listening to Zhou Mi’s commands.
And as Zhou Mi finished, left the ring, the announcer took over, and all eyes turned to the electronic board that displayed scores and rankings.
And his heard was in his throat, knowing Zhou Mi had done his best. Dahua had done his best, and they’d looked wonderful. He’d tell Zhou Mi that himself.
His eyes darted from Zhou Mi, to the screen.
And he saw Zhou Mi’s smile, as the audience cheered.
***
Kyuhyun, for one, was exhausted by the time they made it back. There had been a million things going on, getting his feet stomped on as he’d been twirled around by Zhou Mi still on a high from not only winning his class, but- Well. Everything. There’d been a certain amount of promise as they’d stared at each other, and he wasn’t exactly brainy in the ways of eyeball communication, but he could tell when a man was giving him an “if we were alone right now, you would be so naked” look.
“Thank you so much for helping, and being here, and… Dahua was wonderful, wasn’t he? He had a rough transition to the walk, did you see that? I wondered if he’d get it back together, and-“
Kyuhyun had just stood and let Zhou Mi rattle. No, he hadn’t see the rough transition. If the judges had, it hadn’t been enough to bump him down too far. And, frankly, everyone had some mistakes. But there wasn’t time to strip Zhou Mi out of that jacket, right then. Too many things to take care of, and Zhou Mi had too many people to thank. Kyuhyun had been relegated to groom, and he wasn’t unhappy about that. Telling Dahua what a good job he’d done, while Zhou Mi tied up loose ends elsewhere. That was why he’d gone, so that he could be useful to Zhou Mi.
And get him home quicker.
But with all of Zhou Mi’s things packed, the car he’d borrowed returned, and Dahua in the trailer, they were on their way. Zhou Mi’s high had lasted about through the first hour on the road. Reliving the event, telling Kyuhyun about everyone he’d said goodbye too, how many notes he was going to have to send in thanks. And had Kyuhyun seen the horse after him, or the one in that other class, or-
And then he’d slept like a rock, leaving Kyuhyun with the enviable task of driving and softly singing along to a CD with Zhou Mi plastered all over the passenger seat of the truck. He had moments where they were stopped at a light, to look over and admire. The way Zhou Mi had his jacket balled up under his cheek, hand sprawled in his lap, and legs splayed. It looked kind of comfortably uncomfortable. That was the man he was taking back - the man he was getting back.
All the times over the webcam when Zhou Mi would be silent, smiling, and just looking at him. It kind of made him want to crabbily ask what? at times, except for the pleased grin that spread when they had their little stare-offs. Zhou Mi had been delicate about probing Kyuhyun’s past relationships, like he felt that Kyuhyun was scarred, or scared, or- Sort of. But also, he just hadn’t had what it seemed Zhou Mi offered before. So maybe he would suck as a boyfriend. But Zhou Mi had patently told him otherwise, when Kyuhyun had tried to intimate that he might be only emotionally set up for one night stands.
“You’ve had that kind of relationship before,” Zhou Mi had said, putting down his plate of fruit to get closer to the screen. “But it wasn’t enough?”
Only time would tell if he was enough, for Zhou Mi. Henry had certainly been pleased when he found out how Kyuhyun’s impromptu trip had gone. Sort of a see, knew you could fix things. Smug little idiot.
Only Zhou Mi had heard what he’d whispered, wrapped carefully around him in a hug before Zhou Mi had mounted to warm up to compete. Leather oil, horses, Zhou Mi’s soap. Zhou Mi’s arms clutching him.
The thing about Zhou Mi was, he took a lot out of Kyuhyun. But he gave a lot back.
And Kyuhyun gave a little of his own, poking at Zhou Mi’s side to get him waking up. Almost to the stable, he wanted Zhou Mi conscious so he didn’t fall and break a leg or something, as they got Dahua and all his things settled.
“Oh, we’re almost back,” Zhou Mi said, staring at the light-dotted scenery. “I slept most of the way! You should’ve woken me.”
“And break the silence?” Kyuhyun joked. And Zhou Mi just sniffed at him, sitting up and patting his hair back down.
And it wasn’t too many minutes before they were pulling into the stable yard. They didn’t even have time to open their doors before whinnies from inside the stable, and from the horse trailer, started sounding. Someone recognized was coming home. Kyuhyun grabbed the case of tack, unlocking the stable side door as Zhou Mi danced beside him. Anxious to get in, to see familiar sights.
And Zhu was at the edge of his stall, head pumping up and down as they came in.
“Baby!” Zhou Mi cried, beelining straight to him. Kyuhyun just stood and watched, as Zhou Mi pushed Zhu back and unlatched the stall door. Getting inside so he could hug the young horse’s neck, and pat him vigorously. “I missed you, you big boy. Look at you. We’re going to have so much fun. Your buddy is back, too!”
He listened to Zhou Mi’s crooning with a smile, dropping off the tack, and heading back to start getting the trailer open. Dahua was calm, if a little anxious because of the horses who’d been calling out to him. Kyuhyun led him in a few circles outside of the barn to let him limber up a little, and to make sure there’d been no bumps along the road. And Zhou Mi reeked of horse, having slathered himself liberally on Zhu before he finally appeared.
“Looks good to you?” Kyuhyun asked, patting Dahua’s neck.
“Very good.”
They allowed Zhu and Dahua to get a nose on each other, snorting at the other. Their stalls were still right beside each other, and they’d have time to get used to each other’s presence again.
All that was left, then, was to take Zhou Mi’s belongings and put them into Kyuhyun’s car, so they could be taken to Zhou Mi’s apartment. Even if Zhou Mi kind of hitched out a complaint, that it was late, and he could get by without those things until tomorrow.
“Well, there’s no point in leaving this stuff here,” Kyuhyun said, slamming his car door. “I mean, is it okay if I stay at your place tonight?”
"I haven't been there in a month. The dust and..."
“Not going for your house cleaning skills. I just want to sleep. And we can't sleep here because Henry is upstairs. So it's your bed and some dust or... No, the alternative isn't okay.”
There definitely wasn’t enough room in his bed for him, and Zhou Mi, and Henry. And he most definitely wanted a bed.
Zhou Mi looked at him a little helplessly, staring around the yard and all the things that hadn’t changed.
“I’m back,” Zhou Mi said, stepping forward. He allowed the hug for several moments, sighing into Zhou Mi’s neck and patting his butt.
“And I’m beat.”
“Want me to drive?” Zhou Mi offered, cuddling him closer.
And his response was cut off by Zhou Mi’s kiss, but when he shoved the keys into Zhou Mi’s hand, he thought he got the message across pretty well.
And hey, added bonus, Zhou Mi actually knew where they were going. And he got the option of sprawling in the passenger seat, and sucking on a wrapped hard candy that he kept in his car.
“Hey, chicken!” he said, enthused as they approached the restaurant.
“Yes,” Zhou Mi laughed, and started turning.
“You’re hungry?” Kyuhyun asked, eyeing him. He could be, he supposed. It was food, after all.
“No. I live behind it.”
“You live… No wonder you were at the chicken place when you asked if I wanted some. Oh man. Is there a gym nearby? This is not good. Chicken. Walking distance.”
Zhou Mi got them parked, and squinted over at him. “You expect to spend a lot of time here?”
“I will if you live near fried chicken,” he said airily, and popped out of the car, as Zhou Mi sputtered with laughter behind him.
They rode up to Zhou Mi’s floor with a box each, and the apartment was not, as Zhou Mi feared, overly dusty or ravaged by some natural disaster. It was messy, since Zhou Mi had been packing, but a little mess didn’t bother Kyuhyun. He’d see how Zhou Mi liked to keep it soon enough. With all his electronics and needed toiletries, Zhou Mi executively decided they should leave it at that.
“Come back with me,” Zhou Mi said, leading him by two fingers. Into the bathroom, where Zhou Mi started the water running in the little shower. “If we squeeze?”
Yes. The hot water against tired muscles, Zhou Mi’s kisses. The kisses, against his mouth and face and neck, that didn’t stop until Kyuhyun came over Zhou Mi’s fist. Standing together, faces close, noses rubbing, after he brought Zhou Mi to orgasm as well.
First time in over a month. Not the last time.
Not the last time Zhou Mi would hand him a towel, and more or less dry his body for him when Kyuhyun stood there and just admired Zhou Mi from toes to hairline, scolding all the while.
Not the last time he’d ask for something to sleep in.
“You think your underwear will fit?” he asked, staring at Zhou Mi’s hips.
“Actually.” And a lightbulb seemed to go off in Zhou Mi’s head. “I have a pair of yours! The ones you lent me to sleep in.”
Zhou Mi popped up with the plain gray briefs like he’d unearthed treasure. His stuff in Zhou Mi’s apartment. Kind of weird. He liked it.
And he liked Zhou Mi’s mattress, clearly a year or two newer than his, though only after Zhou Mi had insisted on changing the sheets. Pleasantly firm as Zhou Mi drew him in so they were face to face.
“You’re back,” Kyuhyun said.
It was a place they hadn’t been together before. It was a place they hadn’t fought in, or feared in. Zhou Mi had returned for a multitude of reasons. And he’d had someone to welcome him. It’d been a long time coming. There wasn’t even a word for what Kyuhyun felt. The worry, that Zhou Mi wasn’t ever coming back. And the worries for the future, he hadn’t gotten there yet. The thing about his job, there were stables everywhere. Everywhere Zhou Mi would be.
“I’m back,” Zhou Mi agreed, and kissed him goodnight.
***
Epilogue
***
The day was heady and warm, the start of real spring weather making it almost impossible to sit still and stay inside. He’d spent most of the winter arguing with Zhou Mi between fashion and staying warm, though Zhou Mi had definitely bundled up for riding. Cabin fever, Kyuhyun supposed. The horse under him certainly seemed to think so, not wanting to walk if he allowed her to run. He got a little of that energy out of her as he waited impatiently for Zhou Mi to finish tightening Dahua’s saddle. Steadying his new horse, a gift from Zhou Mi, as she wanted to shift and sidle under him.
He hadn’t actually settled on a name for the horse, and he wasn’t taking Zhou Mi’s suggestions, since he’d named one of his horses for a tree, and the other for butterfly larvae. She had a registered name, of course, but needed one for the stable. Young, which was why Zhou Mi had gotten her cheaply. Too multi-colored to be a show horse, but sweet. He’d watched Zhou Mi teach her under saddle himself. Only the best for Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi had promised. A horse was kind of a big gift, he’d mused, and Zhou Mi had clearly discussed it with him before making a move. They’d picked out the young mare together, and her coming up to rest a heavy head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder had clinched it.
“Oh look, it’s you in horse form,” Kyuhyun had joked, petting the soft nose as she leaned against him. Zhou Mi had just grinned all over.
“Ready to ride?” Kyuhyun asked for the third time.
Zhou Mi laughed, swinging up into the saddle with impeccable form. Impeccable legs, too. “Impatient today. Now I am.”
There were miles of riding trails to explore. And it got him away from mucking, and thinking, and anything else he did his best to get away from. It helped that Zhou Mi found ways to reach and pat his butt even if they were riding together. And as long as Zhou Mi stayed on his horse, they were great. He wasn’t ever going to let Zhou Mi forget that. He felt he had good reason, since Zhou Mi teased him every so often that he’d had no choice but to fall in love since Zhou Mi had shoved him into it. Though Zhou Mi had denied he was trying to compare his love with a pile of horse poop. Eh. As long as Zhou Mi didn’t actually make a chair of out of chicken boxes for a corner of their apartment, then he was cool to call it even.
Zhou Mi and Dahua fell easily into step as they headed out beyond the paddocks. The trails were clear, and even if they’d been over most of them, it was still a pleasure to do so again. Together.
***
***
The End \o/
***
A/N: Thanks and snuggles for wobaozhewo~
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Romance
***
Zhou Mi spent a lot of time in his head when he was in his apartment, packing to get ready for the trip. He wouldn’t give up his apartment, since he wasn’t assured a permanent training spot anyway. But if the competition ended, and Zhou Mi returned, then what? There was the question if Kyuhyun would even want to pick up where they had left off. And something in Zhou Mi said that it would just be giving Kyuhyun affirmation that ignoring Zhou Mi’s feelings, or using a friends-with-benefits angle, was okay. And it wasn’t. If Kyuhyun just wanted to get off, with no strings, then maybe he needed to invest in a doll. Something that wouldn’t talk back, or make things complicated, or messy, or make Kyuhyun feel anything at all.
And that wasn’t fair, and he knew it wasn’t. But it seemed like Kyuhyun wanted to pretend that they were no different then, than they had been the first night they’d slept together. And sex wasn’t everything.
There were a lot of things he did that weren’t good for himself. Food, one of those things. But even if he was a masochist, continuing a relationship that had no future wasn’t one of those things. If he couldn’t bring his problems, or discuss things with Kyuhyun, if something even bigger than this came along, then what? They’d crumble because Kyuhyun would block him out, and Zhou Mi would go on until he exploded. He knew himself better than that. The hurt, the withdrawal. Petty sniping, passive-aggressiveness until he would finally give up, or Kyuhyun would end it for him.
But the situation they had, he wanted it to be fear on Kyuhyun’s side that he could somehow sweep away. He’d been hoping that really from the very first moment, imagining that things would work out for them. Kyuhyun had not misrepresented himself. That wasn’t something Zhou Mi could blame him for. But it still made him want to shout, because he had fought for what he’d gotten, and he was at the verge of losing it. And he didn’t want it to be that dead-end relationship, and he wanted to know that Kyuhyun might see him as something more.
And his chances were running out.
The outer door of the stable hadn’t been locked yet for the night when he slipped in it. And for the first time, he ignored his horses, moving directly to the back where the stairs to Kyuhyun’s small apartment were. He knew Kyuhyun would be surprised, because it wasn’t as though he got many visitors at his apartment door, certainly not during the day while he worked downstairs, much less at night.
Except for when Zhou Mi showed up. But it was the first time he’d done so, unannounced.
And the confusion was definitely there on Kyuhyun’s face as he opened the door to Zhou Mi’s knock.
“Hey?” Kyuhyun said, staring around him as though the answer to why Zhou Mi was standing there was lurking somewhere in the stairwell. “Did we have plans?”
Zhou Mi shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. Can I come in for a moment?”
Kyuhyun stepped back, letting him in so the door could be closed behind him. Kyuhyun had clearly been eating, the scent of ramen in the air and a bowl on the table. But the food could be reheated. He feared that the words he had to say couldn’t.
“What’s up?” Kyuhyun asked. But he wasn’t really looking at Zhou Mi even then. The buttons on his shirt maybe, or his ear. Like they were strangers, or Zhou Mi was the school principal come to scold him. And that lack of trust frustrated him to no end. And the sound he made brought Kyuhyun’s eyes to his, before Zhou Mi began to speak.
“I’ve been thinking a lot. While I was packing. I didn’t get to say what I wanted to the other day. I’m really going to miss being here. Coming to the stable every day. Seeing you.”
Kyuhyun’s face stilled, and Zhou Mi could almost feel the retreat. “Oh. Yeah. But it’s probably best it happened this way. Like you said, before there was anything more to miss.”
Anything more to miss than sex, that is. Kyuhyun couldn’t have been more blatant about that if he’d added a hip thrust to it. And it meant that Kyuhyun distilled any bits of companionship, any hint of friendship, into only one thing - what they’d done in bed. And it made him so angry.
He stepped forward, and Kyuhyun’s hand came up between them as though that would stop Zhou Mi’s advance. “Hey.”
“Do you have someone lined up to replace me when I go?”
“You know I d-“
Zhou Mi didn’t let him finish. You know I don’t. What Zhou Mi assumed Kyuhyun was going to say. No. If Kyuhyun had a string of men, then there was no reason to start up with Zhou Mi. No reason to take that chance.
The kiss half missed the first time, but his hand steadying the back of Kyuhyun’s head meant the second one didn’t. He knew those lips, the way they fitted to his. And Kyuhyun gave to him. Kyuhyun’s fingers, curling into the front of his shirt. And what he wanted to tell Kyuhyun in that moment wasn’t in words, or frustration. It was to show him what they had, the understanding they had. It wasn’t usual, that connection. That he wanted everything that Kyuhyun gave to him, that he wanted Kyuhyun to want him as well.
“Please.”
One more time. One last time? No, he refused to think that way. If Kyuhyun wouldn’t listen, then maybe he’d feel.
But what made that time different than any of the other times?
“Come on,” Kyuhyun said.
Taking the first step. Kyuhyun leading him the front of his shirt. Lingering hint of spicy beef broth in his kiss, scrabbling at Kyuhyun’s shirt to get to bare skin. His sides, the small of his back, pulling Kyuhyun into his body, solid and real. They stripped almost in concert, and they rocked together, a moan against his cheek. Pants at their knees, friction of cloth against cloth as their hips moved almost independent of anything else.
Clothes falling, pressing Kyuhyun back onto the sheets. Gorgeous. Kyuhyun’s chest under his hands, wrestling with him. But looks, there were gorgeous men all over. Kyuhyun wasn’t the first one he’d seen, or the last.
It was him. Kyuhyun. His eyes as Zhou Mi swept back his hair, fixed on his and needing. It was Kyuhyun the man he saw in those eyes, the one he wanted to be with, to know more about. And he had no idea what Kyuhyun saw looking back. Or if he saw anything at all.
He moaned for Kyuhyun as they kissed. As Kyuhyun urged him with hands and hips. Until Zhou Mi slid inside him, breathing harsh and anguished at Kyuhyun’s throat. It was too good. Too good, and he almost lost control.
Kyuhyun hissed between his teeth as Zhou Mi’s slowness, but he couldn’t help it. Every vestige of control trembling out from his skin.
“Faster,” Kyuhyun demanded in Zhou Mi’s ear.
“Faster what?” he asked, lifting his head far enough to see.
Kyuhyun’s face tightened, thinking he knew what Zhou Mi wanted.
“Faster please?”
“Faster please who?” Zhou Mi asked again.
And his hips took a bump, fully inside Kyuhyun and waiting. He could almost hear the debate in Kyuhyun’s head.
“Fuck me faster. Please. Zhou Mi.”
It hadn’t been what they were doing that he’d wanted. It had been his name.
“Yes. Kyuhyun. Yes.”
Perfect union of glide and friction, heat of skin and chill of air. Kyuhyun’s nails digging into his back and forcing his thrusts. He whimpered at the feel of Kyuhyun’s hand between them, pleasuring himself. Kyuhyun was perfect. Perfect. Under him, in him, over him, laughing with him, coming for him.
And his thread of control frayed to nothing. Gasping against Kyuhyun’s collar bone as his body surged, feeling Kyuhyun’s rumbling moans.
Kyuhyun’s sheepish, satisfied smile as they curled together. And that was exactly what he wanted. Feeling Kyuhyun’s mouth press back for him, soft kisses, softer sounds. Kyuhyun’s arm wound over his ribs, and Zhou Mi used that, pressing close. Tasting Kyuhyun’s mouth, his jaw, his cheekbone. Amazed and undone by the moment together as he stroked through Kyuhyun’s hair.
“Kyuhyun,” he whispered, stroking Kyuhyun’s face and kissing him again.
“Nice,” Kyuhyun answered, angling a little closer.
“Hm?”
“You pick nice ways to say goodbye.”
Kyuhyun’s hand was tracing patterns on Zhou Mi’s lower back, his nose nudging against Zhou Mi’s. It was everything he’d hoped for, but for those stinging words.
And it felt like all the air in the room had gone.
That hadn’t been his intention at all.
Kyuhyun’s eyes flew open as Zhou Mi struggled to extract his legs from the sheet.
“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun asked, and there was such confusion in that sound. “Hey. What-“
He slipped his arm from Kyuhyun’s grasping hand, nearly grabbing Kyuhyun’s pants on accident.
“I have to finish packing,” he said, and would have left naked if he could have. His pants fought, but he won, getting his shirt half on, and his socks and underwear in one hand. He wasn’t staying any longer than he had to.
“Zhou Mi?”
He tensed, Kyuhyun’s hand on his arm again, and he could barely look. Kyuhyun peering up at him, awkward and somehow oddly concerned. If Kyuhyun wouldn’t miss him? Maybe even glad to see him go. He tugged his arm away again.
“I’ll be in early tomorrow to pack up the rest of Dahua’s things. The trailer will be here at noon to transport him, like you know.” Zhou Mi spoke as he walked, knowing Kyuhyun was following him.
“You came here to tell me something?”
“Nothing-“ Nothing Kyuhyun wanted to hear. “Nothing. I’ll lock up on the way out. Good night.”
He hadn’t even tied his shoes, and he went down the stairs carefully. Stopping only for moments to tuck up his laces, but not pausing long. Just needing to get out of the stable itself. Ignoring Dahua and Zhu, and feeling terrible for it.
His car door slamming was harder than he’d meant to. It went with his oddly shaking hands. He hadn’t said anything. He’d been a coward. Even if Kyuhyun didn’t want him, he at least should’ve been told what Zhou Mi felt. Wasn’t that fair? Zhou Mi shouldn’t have been the one dealing with it alone. But he sucked in several breaths until he felt steady enough to drive. He was going two hours away, with a horse still in the stable. It might’ve been an end - and it might’ve been a goodbye - but he’d be seeing Kyuhyun after tomorrow again one way or another. Even if he didn’t know how that would end up, or what he’d have to say when it happened. But he had a horse to concentrate on, a competition, and a mentorship. He had things to learn, and a busy month ahead of him. If there was something to salvage, if Kyuhyun realized something. Anything. They would see. He didn’t know what to hope. But he would do what he had to, and hope that was enough.
***
Kyuhyun slept poorly, checking the locks, the horses. It had been awkward when Zhou Mi had left after their aborted “discussion.” But even more so that night. Where he wasn’t sure what exactly had happened. One moment, it was like nothing had changed, Zhou Mi holding him with studied tightness. He couldn’t languish there for a decade. But the next thing he knew, Zhou Mi had been jittering out the door. And he replayed everything he’d said. It had been a goodbye, hadn’t it? One way or the other, Zhou Mi was leaving the next day. At some point they had to say goodbye. And he didn’t think Zhou Mi had said everything he had come to say. And that made him anxious in a lot of ways. Even as he pushed away Zhou Mi’s words, he waited for Zhou Mi to push back. And he was still waiting.
Nothing he had to say made sense, and he just wanted Zhou Mi to say something so they could make a move.
He was double checking everything, making sure all of Dahua’s tack and supplies had been gathered. Keeping his distance as Zhou Mi said his goodbyes to Zhu, as though the horse was understanding why Zhou Mi was leaving him for a while. And the truck and horse trailer pulled in, and it sent Kyuhyun’s stomach into twists.
Dahua, in his leg wrappings and blanket, loaded into the trailer with no fuss at all. All of the tack, loaded quickly as well. And Kyuhyun wanted to put a screeching halt to everything. He needed another week to poke at Zhou Mi, see what needed to be done. He wasn’t… He wasn’t satisfied. Nothing he’d said had been hurtful that he remembered. They’d been good together, in bed. They’d had fun together, out of it. And he felt like a middle schooler again, with the gnawing unease. It wasn’t supposed to make him feel like that.
“I guess it’s going to be a while until I see this place again,” Zhou Mi said, letting out a breath as he stared up at the rafters.
“Yeah. It’ll be quiet. In a lot of ways. But we started out expecting nothing big.”
He braced himself for the argument. Zhou Mi taking that offhand statement, and twisting it back on Kyuhyun. It was easy to say it was just sex, nothing big, no kind of emotions or whatever, but whether that was reality or not? Zhou Mi refuting it, saying that even if it was a long time, they could still keep in touch by phone, or email, or would Kyuhyun wait for him to get back because they had something good going together?
“Mm,” Zhou Mi said, smiling. “Yeah, we did. Thanks for everything again, really. I’d better get going, or they’ll leave me.”
Kyuhyun was stiff and still for pat to his shoulder.
“Bye bye!”
“Bye,” Kyuhyun echoed numbly, as Zhou Mi turned, waving a little as he jogged to the truck. Climbing in with a laugh for the driver, and another wave at Kyuhyun as the truck and horse trailer were put in motion. And then nothing. Just empty space. No blown kiss, no sappy speeches, no future promises.
No man to let in at night, or roll out of bed in the morning. No one to hog his cereal, his shower, his TV. No one to point out the sorry state of his shoes, and suck him into oblivion, and run bare-assed through the apartment to find his phone.
Haha, the joke was on him. He’d been laying it all on Zhou Mi’s shoulders to protest, to say they had something worth working at, so that Kyuhyun didn’t have to think about it, or do anything to help it. And Zhou Mi had driven off with barely a thank you, and that had been more directed at the stable functions. Nothing at all about what they’d done, what they’d been, together. Like it hadn’t mattered? Like it was easily replicated and replaced, by whoever?
He argued he was supposed to feel liberated, all the options in the world. Nothing to tie him down. Instead, he just felt used. Zhou Mi had been the one cuddling the night before, kissing until he shivered with it. How the hell did he rectify that with the man who had said goodbye like they were barely more than casual acquaintances?
Everything had gone wrong. So, so wrong.
Call me when you get there, he’d have said, tickling Zhou Mi closer in the privacy of his office.
I will, Zhou Mi would have promised. I’ll miss you. So much.
I’ll come down some weekend so you can show me around. And then, maybe I can get away to see you compete. Can you handle that?
He could almost feel Zhou Mi’s smile. And the parting kiss, and the touch to his face, as though Kyuhyun meant something to him.
And he swallowed hard, fists clenching as he still stood in the middle the stable door.
Because Zhou Mi meant something to him.
***
“What horse business are you up to?” Kyuhyun asked, leaning in to pat Zhu’s rump. The young horse turned with interest, nosing Kyuhyun’s hand. “What, you think I have something for you? Why would you think that?”
If a horse could telegraph impatience, Zhu was doing that with his nodding head. He could smell the treat, and he wanted it. Now.
“All right, fine. But twenty pushups for you.” And Zhu happily crunched on the carrot Kyuhyun had been hiding.
It was true, he pampered Zhu a little bit. His stablemate was gone, and his owner as well. The stall beside Zhu’s was starkly empty, and he had too many memories of seeing Zhou Mi standing there, and leaning in to talk to Dahua. So, maybe he was comforting both of them, in a way. Zhou Mi had been gone almost a week, and there had been no word, not even to let him know they’d made it safely. He really hadn’t expected any, but the reality of it was a lot tougher to swallow. Zhu’s ears pricked, and Kyuhyun turned his head as Henry approached.
“Ah, he must miss Dahua and Zhou Mi,” Henry said, scratching behind Zhu’s ears. “Do you know exactly when Zhou Mi is coming back?”
“I don’t know if he is coming back,” Kyuhyun admitted.
And Henry’s head popped around Zhu’s immediately, staring at him with narrowed, un-Henry-like eyes. “What do you mean? He never said anything about going permanently. Did you guys break up?”
Kyuhyun didn’t let his face move. “We weren’t dating.”
“Maybe you didn’t say you were, or didn’t want to call it that, but really?”
“The story I got was that he might come back, but only if the place he was filling closed up again.”
“You did break up. Whoa.”
“It’s a great opportunity for him. No reason to be dragged back here.”
“Yeah, but if he doesn’t get that spot there, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to come back to?”
He knew Henry didn’t say it to make him feel bad, but it did. Well deserved, most likely. He’d probably hurt Zhou Mi by not acknowledging what they had, and Zhou Mi had hurt him back. Intentionally or not, on Zhou Mi’s part. Following Kyuhyun’s rules, and stabbing him in the chest with them. Which just meant he sucked at making rules. When he got that sick feeling, he shoved the thoughts aside.
“Maybe. Let’s get feeding. We have hungry horses here.”
“If you need to talk about it, work anything out, I’m here?” Henry said quietly as they walked to start feeding their charges. “He just left. If you wanted to patch things up, it’s not too late. But that’s just if you want to.”
“Thanks,” Kyuhyun told him. And meant it.
***
And two days later, he got the letter. The letter that had Henry sprinting into the barn like rabid dogs were after him to tell Kyuhyun he had mail, from Zhou Mi. At first he thought it was payment for Zhu, or something of the like. Until he realized it was addressed to him, and not the stable. And as much as Henry was probably dying to know what it said, Kyuhyun locked himself in his office with a feeling of dread.
There were a few things Zhou Mi hadn’t gotten to say.
He rectified that in his letter. Snippets of lines jumped out at him.
I would have enjoyed dating you, going places with you.
I’m sorry what we had wasn’t what you anticipated, and that your warning didn’t sink in. I wanted more anyway, and I think you realized that.
I think it’s hard to sleep with someone without complications, because you weren’t just good in bed, but were handsome, and funny, and nice. At least, it’s hard if you do it more than once.
I hope this finds you well. Dahua made the journey safely.
I will miss being there with you, whether either of us think I should.
It was damning without being truly angry. Chastising without scolding. It was almost like Zhou Mi was trying to give him advice, while at the same time saying goodbye. Zhou Mi, it seemed to say, took some of the blame on himself as well. And it wasn’t like Kyuhyun had done anything to help, besides deflecting whatever Zhou Mi tried to tell him.
Zhou Mi had tried to talk to him - twice. And the third time, the letter, was the acknowledgement of the end of their relationship. Things he couldn’t say to Kyuhyun, or that Kyuhyun hadn’t let him. Even more stupid, because… What had he been so afraid of? It was hindsight, if they could’ve gently eased out, maybe he wouldn’t have been feeling like an idiot. As it was, he just felt like an ass. He tried to imagine a day out, going shopping, amusement park, dinner. Movie date, walking by the river, anything. Things he enjoyed doing. Things he’d have enjoyed doing with Zhou Mi. Things he’d been working toward, internally, before everything had gotten thrown out of focus. He didn’t want Zhou Mi to stay to train, because it meant he wasn’t ever coming back. And something Henry said struck home, belatedly. That if Zhou Mi didn’t get a place, then who did he have to come back to? Zhu, of course. And a stable staff. And maybe… A month wasn’t forever. They weren’t going to forget everything about each other in that time. And if Zhou Mi wanted, they could try and do all those things.
His calendar mocked him, reminding him that it was Friday, and it meant the weekend was almost there. Weekends were their busiest time, and on short notice, there was no way he could leave. He cursed himself, and dialed.
A confused Henry, probably not 20 yards away, answered. “Hey?”
It was much easier to ask without Henry staring at his face.
“Hey,” Kyuhyun said, flipping the letter over so he didn’t have to look at it any more. “Are you free to watch the stable Monday? And…Maybe Tuesday, too?”
He didn’t have to see Henry to feel the ecstatic smile.
***
The stable was a comforting thing to Zhou Mi. Any stable, really. The sounds and smells of horses, and the chatter of other riders. The occasional, inevitable fly. A week and a half into his mentorship, and he was ecstatic with what had happened so far. Dahua was growing, every day. Perfecting their collection, the straightness of their lines. Things that might have seemed small, but added up, every moment in the competition ring. And it made a difference, to get constructive criticism. There was no one standing at the side of the ring, yelling, or putting him down. Or, perhaps even more importantly, putting Dahua down. There were, obviously, things one horse was more suited for than another. But a lot of that came from the person on Dahua’s back, how he was taught to respond. So Zhou Mi was more content, that way. And he ate, breathed, and slept the stable. Even if he wasn’t riding Dahua, he was watching and learning from the others, or seeing to Dahua’s care. It felt wonderful, like some kind of riding summer camp.
And it allowed him to not think about his general problem. The letter to Kyuhyun had been impulse. When he thought about possibly going back to keep Dahua at Kyuhyun’s stable, he balked at the thought of trying to talk to Kyuhyun. It would be incredibly, inescapably awkward. And there were things that were lost, when they were said. He wrote about six different versions of it, jotted notes, rearranged thoughts. One he scrapped because he couldn’t seem to write legibly. He wrote the final draft one night, let it sit there the whole of the next day. And then finally mailed it, once he decided it didn’t sound too deranged, or angry, or something. His instinct was to go full tilt, throw his emotions at the page. And he’d done that, sort of. It sounded a little less like him but it still got across what he wanted to say, which was the important thing in the end. If Kyuhyun understood it, if Kyuhyun even cared what he had to say, that was something else entirely. He felt lighter after sending it, and was glad he did, at least for the moment. Hoping he hadn’t made a mistake, and realizing he really could have.
He had latched Dahua’s stall door, hanging the lead rope carefully, when he heard a throat clear behind him. He expected any number of people. The stable manager, a groom, his mentor.
The last person he really expected was Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun who was slouching slightly, hands so far in his pockets that it looked uncomfortable.
“Hey,” Kyuhyun said.
“Hi! I- Hi?”
He truly had no idea what to say, or even how to stand. He still had his fingers on the lead rope, unsure of what he was doing. It was like his thoughts had conjured Kyuhyun there by magic.
“I had some time off coming,” Kyuhyun said, stepping up to pet Dahua who had popped his head out, curious. “Thought I’d come down and see a different kind of operation. You busy?”
“No.” He wasn’t busy. Just confused. But if Kyuhyun wanted a tour, then he could give that. He let some of the stiffness go out of him, so they could walk. They weren’t talking about any personal issues they had, and he could only speculate as to Kyuhyun’s purpose. He showed Kyuhyun the exercise and practice arenas, the two wings of the stable. Pointing out different horses that were going places. The feed and tack rooms, washing areas. Some of it might’ve been good knowledge for Kyuhyun, for his own stable. But Zhou Mi appreciated the half hour or so that the tour took, because it gave him time to collect himself, without his brain falling all over. Kyuhyun should’ve called, in case Zhou Mi had been busy, but if he’d called, what would Zhou Mi have said? He probably would’ve agreed, he couldn’t kid himself. But he had less time to get anxious. Less time to prepare. Kyuhyun had had both.
“I saw you were finishing up practicing when I got here, so I kind of hung back so you could get Dahua settled. He’s looking good.”
“He is,” Zhou Mi agreed. “He’s really settled in wonderfully. It’s been amazing, really.”
“Great.” Kyuhyun blew out a breath. “Are you free after this? I have some things to show you. We could get something to eat?”
“No, I’m free.” Kyuhyun was asking him to eat? As a meal. Just a meal, he couldn’t think of it as more than that. Not a date, though the fact that Kyuhyun was asking him at all meant something. That he was there, meant something. And he couldn’t help but be wary, because a little voice in the back of his head wondered if Kyuhyun wasn’t there to maybe get a little bit more convenient sex. And that was the last thing he wanted to think.
Kyuhyun had rented a car in town, and followed him to the restaurant he had in mind. It was nice, quiet. A little out of the rush time for food, so they were almost alone. Getting their food, and telling Kyuhyun a little more about what he and Dahua had been working on, since Kyuhyun asked.
A little curious, a little apprehensive about what Kyuhyun had to show him.
But he shouldn’t have been. He’d eaten most of his meal, when Kyuhyun slid his phone across the table. On it was a picture of a horse’s muzzle coming toward the screen. He recognized Zhu’s distinctive white snip immediately, laughing.
“Oh. Oh, he’s so precious.”
And there were more pictures of Zhu, of him nosing through his hay, and tossing his head in impatience, and grazing in one of the turnout pastures. They had agreed, he and Kyuhyun, that Henry could ride Zhu. Nothing serious, just keeping Zhu remembering what it was like to be under saddle. And there was a short video, of Henry and Zhu going around the paddock, Henry waving, and Zhu behaving. And another of Henry rubbing Zhu down, as Zhu’s upper lip waggled in pleasure.
He laughed so hard he hurt, and he hurt in a different way.
“I miss him,” he said, touching the next picture of Zhu eating something from Kyuhyun’s hand. “I miss him a lot. Thank you for these. I’m glad he’s doing well.”
“He’s a real ham. We made sure he wasn’t too lonely.”
“Thank you.”
And he saw only Kyuhyun smiling down at the screen in fondness. And he missed more than just his horse.
***
The three hour train ride had been the longest of Kyuhyun’s life. If Zhou Mi wasn’t at the stable, if he was busy, if he wouldn’t talk to Kyuhyun. All the things that he worried about, and couldn’t take into account. Zhou Mi had come to him, and it was his turn to return the favor. He wasn’t blindly optimistic, but more so than he had been a week previous. If Zhou Mi had written that letter thinking he’d instruct Kyuhyun for the next man in Kyuhyun’s life, then that was one thing. Henry had been right. He had a chance to fix things. He just hoped he had the ability to do so.
And just walking together, hearing Zhou Mi’s voice. After he’d gotten through being utterly shocked, that is. And he couldn’t have blamed Zhou Mi for that. Surprise visits a week and a half later could hardly be expected. But Zhou Mi had agreed to eat with him as well, and that was another buoy to his hope. Showing Zhou Mi the pictures of Zhu, and watching him laugh and smile. Looking up at Kyuhyun so warmly as they ate, with that bit of measure.
Wary, wondering. Hoping?
“So, you and Henry are…?”
He looked up from the bite he’d just shoved in his mouth. “Are what?”
“Uhm. Are… Together now?”
The chicken he was swallowing nearly went down the wrong way as he sucked in a breath to choke out a laugh. Instead, he just choked. Like a great buffoon, trying to cough delicately into his napkin while still breathing as Zhou Mi seemed to be prepared to do the Heimlich if necessary. The water he drank just barely helped, instead of scalding his throat.
“Henry? No. No! Why would you think that? He’s… He’s like my crazy little brother.”
“I don’t know,” Zhou Mi said. “I never thought about it before, but you seemed to be having fun. Maybe he didn’t want anything complicated either.”
It was an odd moment, staring at his plate. And it was hard to swallow, with his throat so tight. But he did, at least, manage to mutter something that was becoming clearer to him by the day.
“I don’t think there is anything more complicated than sex.”
And he didn’t know how to finish that thought. Looking up, in hopes that Zhou Mi had mysteriously cottoned on to what he was saying. And Zhou Mi’s mouth, a mouth he had much admired in both laughter and petulance, frowned. Confusion as Zhou Mi considered him. Zhou Mi shook his head for a moment, as though trying convince himself that whatever he was thinking wasn’t right. And though he wanted to, he didn’t look away.
“Why did you come today?” Zhou Mi asked, his head tilting slightly.
Kyuhyun looked down immediately, setting aside his chopsticks. “I don’t want to discuss this here.”
“Are you done then?”
“Yeah.” And he couldn’t have eaten anything else anyway. Not when his stomach was flopping. He wanted to be sure that Zhou Mi still wanted. Wanted what, he didn’t know. What had Zhou Mi wanted to start? He thought he knew. He just hadn’t let himself own it.
They split the bill, and he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands as they walked toward the cars.
“Where are you staying?” Zhou Mi asked.
“I was going to get a hotel room,” Kyuhyun said. “I haven’t been down here before, so I thought maybe you’d know one nearby.”
“I don’t, really. But I could look. We can talk first. The place I’m using is nice, furnished. If… There’s a couch, so… we can see.”
It was easy to imagine turning around, turning in his rental car, escaping. But he had a few words he felt it was his turn to be saying. It wasn’t the time to be a coward, and he’d gotten that far.
The little place Zhou Mi had to use was nice, if small. The couch Zhou Mi had mentioned, little kitchen and table. Zhou Mi seemed torn between both, as if he wanted to offer Kyuhyun a drink, and force him to say why he was there at the same time. It was a bit of a standoff, and he leaned against the back of the couch to have something to do with his hands.
“I got your letter.” Which seemed rather obvious. If Zhou Mi hadn’t gotten that from the first moment he’d seen Kyuhyun, then he had a severe problem in his reasoning center. But he drew a fortifying breath and said what he had said to himself on the entire train ride. “I wanted to apologize. You left thinking I wasn’t interested- That I didn’t want- That we were done. I made you think that. But that’s not what I wanted.”
Zhou Mi took a step forward, and Kyuhyun didn’t blame him. He’d have wanted to put himself out of his misery, too, but he hadn’t gotten it all out yet, stupid as it was. But his held-up hand got Zhou Mi to stop. He hadn’t really been sure how to say “I’m a fucking idiot” besides, well. Actually saying so.
“I would make the crappiest boyfriend ever, but I’d like to give it a shot with you. If you- Yeah.”
There was a moment of silence, Zhou Mi considering him with a tense face, one hand kneading his other. And the moment broke.
“Sit down,” Zhou Mi offered, pulling out one of the chairs at the table. “I’ll get tea if you want.”
Yeah, scalding hot liquid in the hands of a guy he’d been a clod to. No problem.
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
He sat, fidgeted. Waiting as Zhou Mi set steaming cups and tea bags for them.
“I haven’t changed my mind, you know?” Zhou M said, standing almost beside him, his voice soft, but sure. “I wouldn’t have sent that letter if I didn’t hope there might be something we could do to fix this.”
A teensy tiny little leaden weight the size of Antarctica lifted off of his stomach. And he let his mouth twitch a little, staring across as Zhou Mi sat down.
“It was a real kick when you left, without fighting me. So I guess I wondered why.”
The silence drifted for a moment, and Zhou Mi’s voice was soft. “You wanted me to fight you?”
Kyuhyun laughed, hissing a bit as he touched the too-hot side of his mug.
“I guess I thought if you cared you’d end up at least trying to make plans or something. Not that I probably would’ve responded right.”
Zhou Mi considered him. “Because you cared enough to want me to? I guess it might seem pretty stupid to go away, not knowing that you were going to be waiting or not. But I hoped you’d change your mind.”
“So doing like I said was kind of a ruse to get me to come after you?”
“Ruse is harsh,” Zhou Mi hedged. “If you didn’t want me, then what did you lose?”
“Self respect? Self esteem?” Kyuhyun chortled as Zhou Mi poked him in the side. “Not like you’re the type to just hop in and out of a casual fling.”
“So why start up with me to start with?”
“Because your legs go on for-fucking-ever?”
“Kyuhyun.”
But he sobered, even as Zhou Mi’s smile blossomed.
“I was lonely,” Kyuhyun admitted. “And I didn’t think I was going to end up…needing.”
Zhou Mi reached, and folded Kyuhyun’s hand between both of his. “No. Because it was both of us.”
“I guess that makes me conceited. And selfish. And-“
“Kyuhyun. You already apologized. I wish we’d talked like this before.”
The whole thing was making his head hurt, but he could at least see the reason in at least talking now and then. And he knew, he’d needed that kick in the pants, Zhou Mi leaving, to realize what he was doing wrong. And how wrong he’d been.
Zhou Mi got his chair just that much closer, and the anticipation was nearly cloying as he could tell Zhou Mi was gearing up to say something important. “Is there still a place for Dahua at the stable?”
He didn’t even have to think about that. “Yes?”
“Then I want to come back,” Zhou Mi said, the words rushed before he clarified. “Not just because of you. Though, that makes it nicer. There isn’t a place here for me, not yet. Maybe some day. I’ve learned a lot the last couple of weeks, and I know I will keep learning until I leave. But Dahua and I, we both have a lot to work on. And I’d like to do that where I was most comfortable and happy. If you want me there.”
He nodded. “I do want you there. And… we can date or something.”
Zhou Mi sighed indulgently. “That sounds good.”
Did that mean it had worked? He really could hardly believe that he was sitting at Zhou Mi’s table, trying to see if Zhou Mi’s smile was really that happy, and holding his hand. He’d done what he’d come to do. Show Zhou Mi the pictures and videos of Zhu, get his head out of his ass and apologize. He half worried he’d misread things, that Zhou Mi was playing him. But Zhou Mi was coming back. To the stable, to Zhu. And also to him. Holy crap, he’d actually manned up and done it, and it had worked. He resisted the urge to pump his fist as he stared at their hands. That was comforting. Solid. Very Zhou Mi. Also, a little sweaty.
“The only reason a hand should be that wet is if it’s getting more of a workout than what we’re doing,” he observed.
And Zhou Mi nearly snorted his tea.
***
“Boo!”
Zhou Mi laughed, adjusting his laptop screen when he saw Kyuhyun appear on it. His hair was damp, clearly just out of the shower to answer Zhou Mi’s chat request. Kyuhyun didn’t mean to be a tease, but it still came off that way. He could all too easily imagine running his fingers through that wet hair, and they were separated by too many miles to do that.
Almost every night, even if it was just for a few minutes, they talked. Not always on the computer. Sometimes by phone, also. But he liked it, with the webcam. He got to see Kyuhyun’s expressions as they talked. He liked that they had things to talk about. What they’d done that day, preparations for the competition. Him trying to get out of Kyuhyun things that they could do, once they were back in the same city. Teasing, really, to get Kyuhyun flustered. And it didn’t take much. Though it was obvious Kyuhyun knew what Zhou Mi was doing. He found a site of first date questions, and they did a few of those every night, too, to Kyuhyun’s mocking embarrassment.
A little beyond favorite color and favorite animal and food. He nearly fell asleep one night, just listening Kyuhyun talk about music, and where he’d gone to school. It was exceptionally…wonderful. They were like handfuls of mini-dates, that he could carry around with him, and tuck away. Proof that Kyuhyun had meant what he said, and wanted to spend time with Zhou Mi, to date him. And he appreciated that. He was excited, anxious, about the competition. But as lovely as speaking to Kyuhyun by distance was, he wanted to be there. Experience everything for himself. Get Kyuhyun into his apartment, and lean into him on the couch, and wake up next to him.
It forced them to be, without sex, this way. But he was not afraid of adding that back. Anticipating it.
“Hey sexy,” Zhou Mi said, blowing a little kiss just to tease. And Kyuhyun endeavored to catch it…while falling over. “Don’t make me hit you through the computer.”
“Sassy. What’s up?”
“Just relaxing. Good shower?”
“Yeah,” Kyuhyun said, and his lips curved. “Better if you’d been in it.”
“Anything would be better with me in it.”
Kyuhyun cackled. “Like me, I assume?”
Zhou Mi felt a little smug. “Of course.”
“You, too, I guess. You even look sexy with horse snot smeared on your neck, so, really, that’s the siren call to someone running a stable.”
“Siren call.” Zhou Mi couldn’t help the laugh, watching Kyuhyun still grinning at him. “I’ll tell that to Dahua next time.”
“Not going to tell me how sexy I am?”
The joy was bright, and so immediate, and filled Zhou Mi right to the brim, sensation all but deluging him from the center of his chest.
“Endlessly sexy,” Zhou Mi promised, and listed things off just to make Kyuhyun squirm. “You’d stare at me with those eyes, with your hair all tousled. The way your pants showed off your butt. Your hands on a lead rope. Your slow grin, smirking at me. Wondering how you’d kiss.”
“And the kisses were good?”
“Very good.”
“They’ll be good in a week, too,” Kyuhyun said, smiling.
Yes, in a week. After smoothing over their differences with the cup of tea in Zhou Mi’s temporary apartment, Kyuhyun had brought up his bag, and showered. It hadn’t been the couch, but Zhou Mi’s bed. Zhou Mi had welcomed him to it, but had no condoms or anything else. But they hadn’t needed them. Kyuhyun had slid effortlessly into his arms, and they had rolled together, mirth taking them. The solid feeling of Kyuhyun between his arms and pressed against him. And the first time they’d kissed, since the last time they’d had sex in Kyuhyun’s apartment. Kyuhyun’s lips, a little dry, a little tentative. But he was who he was, and Kyuhyun as well. And they’d recognized each other. Not the first kiss, or the last that night. Clothes hadn’t come off, and it had been the best, brightest hope he’d been given. They knew how to be with each other, even if they hadn’t known it yet.
“You know when you’re coming back to the stable?” Kyuhyun had asked, an arm under his head.
“Probably as soon after the competition as I can arrange transport for Dahua. His stable spot will be needed soon after, so… Not long, I hope.”
Kyuhyun had hummed, sneaking his other arm over Zhou Mi’s side. “I could drive down that day, with one of the stable’s trailers. Stay to see you compete, and then we could pack up and drive back.”
“Eager to see me back?” Zhou Mi teased him.
“I’d like to be there for you,” Kyuhyun said. “And it’s a good extra excuse to take off the day, if I’m bringing back a stable resident.”
He hadn’t been able to tell Kyuhyun that night, how much that thought meant to him.
Or how much being woken the next morning by a man who had kissed him, rather mintily, to tease him about borrowed mouth wash.
Though he wasn’t sure either of them could taste it, by the time they’d finished kissing.
***
The morning of a competition was always intense. The grooming, the nerves - of both rider and horse. Kyuhyun rose incredibly early to be on the road on time with the slower-moving trailer. They could take even more time going back, with the precious cargo, but he needed to get there first. He arrived just as Zhou Mi was braiding Dahua’s mane, and he settled for a pat to Zhou Mi’s butt as he let himself into the stall.
“Good morning.”
“You’re here early,” Zhou Mi said smiling at him.
“Wanting to be here to make sure you were getting ready correctly. You need anything else? I can comb his tail?”
“That’d be great. The comb and spray is right behind me.”
“Nice behind.”
The laugh was nice to hear. And hopefully it helped Zhou Mi relax as well. It was only a small thing he was doing, but for Zhou Mi it was much more important. All he was doing was running a comb through some horse hair, and making sure Dahua’s legs were clean. And in a moment of privacy, ducking down to steal a quick, greeting kiss. From Zhou Mi, not Dahua. Standing by, helping to put the tack on so that Zhou Mi could warm up, and standing with Dahua as Zhou Mi tugged the last of his show clothes on. There was something exhilarating about it, knowing that Zhou Mi was racing after his dreams. And he was, ever, gorgeous in the crisp black and white outfit.
“I like your hat,” he said, as Zhou Mi mounted Dahua.
“I have others! Ones not for riding. You’ll see all of them,” Zhou Mi said, laughing with a bit of promise.
“If watching you this time doesn’t kill me from anticipation, I’d like to come with you to see you compete next time, too,” Kyuhyun said. And the hand on Zhou Mi’s thigh was, mostly innocent. He liked that leg after all. His hand was covered by Zhou Mi’s, in a soft white glove.
“I’ll look forward to it even more then,” Zhou Mi said. And Kyuhyun understood.
He understood all too well, as Dahua gleamed in the ring, from where Kyuhyun stood with the other groups of competitor’s staff and teams. Zhou Mi, poised and moving with the horse who could go all the places Zhou Mi wanted.
Okay, so they had to figure out dating before that could happen. And if the way Zhou Mi spoke fondly of shopping meant anything, he was going to have to buy new shoes just to stop any whining about hiking the stores. And he could bully Zhou Mi into bed, and make him buy a boatload of fried chicken, and that sounded pretty heavenly. Just like the horses were hard work, but they were worth it.
It was hard work, just watching Zhou Mi move in the arena. Hitting his marks, moving smoothly from technique to technique. The horse gathered, and loose, and listening to Zhou Mi’s commands.
And as Zhou Mi finished, left the ring, the announcer took over, and all eyes turned to the electronic board that displayed scores and rankings.
And his heard was in his throat, knowing Zhou Mi had done his best. Dahua had done his best, and they’d looked wonderful. He’d tell Zhou Mi that himself.
His eyes darted from Zhou Mi, to the screen.
And he saw Zhou Mi’s smile, as the audience cheered.
***
Kyuhyun, for one, was exhausted by the time they made it back. There had been a million things going on, getting his feet stomped on as he’d been twirled around by Zhou Mi still on a high from not only winning his class, but- Well. Everything. There’d been a certain amount of promise as they’d stared at each other, and he wasn’t exactly brainy in the ways of eyeball communication, but he could tell when a man was giving him an “if we were alone right now, you would be so naked” look.
“Thank you so much for helping, and being here, and… Dahua was wonderful, wasn’t he? He had a rough transition to the walk, did you see that? I wondered if he’d get it back together, and-“
Kyuhyun had just stood and let Zhou Mi rattle. No, he hadn’t see the rough transition. If the judges had, it hadn’t been enough to bump him down too far. And, frankly, everyone had some mistakes. But there wasn’t time to strip Zhou Mi out of that jacket, right then. Too many things to take care of, and Zhou Mi had too many people to thank. Kyuhyun had been relegated to groom, and he wasn’t unhappy about that. Telling Dahua what a good job he’d done, while Zhou Mi tied up loose ends elsewhere. That was why he’d gone, so that he could be useful to Zhou Mi.
And get him home quicker.
But with all of Zhou Mi’s things packed, the car he’d borrowed returned, and Dahua in the trailer, they were on their way. Zhou Mi’s high had lasted about through the first hour on the road. Reliving the event, telling Kyuhyun about everyone he’d said goodbye too, how many notes he was going to have to send in thanks. And had Kyuhyun seen the horse after him, or the one in that other class, or-
And then he’d slept like a rock, leaving Kyuhyun with the enviable task of driving and softly singing along to a CD with Zhou Mi plastered all over the passenger seat of the truck. He had moments where they were stopped at a light, to look over and admire. The way Zhou Mi had his jacket balled up under his cheek, hand sprawled in his lap, and legs splayed. It looked kind of comfortably uncomfortable. That was the man he was taking back - the man he was getting back.
All the times over the webcam when Zhou Mi would be silent, smiling, and just looking at him. It kind of made him want to crabbily ask what? at times, except for the pleased grin that spread when they had their little stare-offs. Zhou Mi had been delicate about probing Kyuhyun’s past relationships, like he felt that Kyuhyun was scarred, or scared, or- Sort of. But also, he just hadn’t had what it seemed Zhou Mi offered before. So maybe he would suck as a boyfriend. But Zhou Mi had patently told him otherwise, when Kyuhyun had tried to intimate that he might be only emotionally set up for one night stands.
“You’ve had that kind of relationship before,” Zhou Mi had said, putting down his plate of fruit to get closer to the screen. “But it wasn’t enough?”
Only time would tell if he was enough, for Zhou Mi. Henry had certainly been pleased when he found out how Kyuhyun’s impromptu trip had gone. Sort of a see, knew you could fix things. Smug little idiot.
Only Zhou Mi had heard what he’d whispered, wrapped carefully around him in a hug before Zhou Mi had mounted to warm up to compete. Leather oil, horses, Zhou Mi’s soap. Zhou Mi’s arms clutching him.
The thing about Zhou Mi was, he took a lot out of Kyuhyun. But he gave a lot back.
And Kyuhyun gave a little of his own, poking at Zhou Mi’s side to get him waking up. Almost to the stable, he wanted Zhou Mi conscious so he didn’t fall and break a leg or something, as they got Dahua and all his things settled.
“Oh, we’re almost back,” Zhou Mi said, staring at the light-dotted scenery. “I slept most of the way! You should’ve woken me.”
“And break the silence?” Kyuhyun joked. And Zhou Mi just sniffed at him, sitting up and patting his hair back down.
And it wasn’t too many minutes before they were pulling into the stable yard. They didn’t even have time to open their doors before whinnies from inside the stable, and from the horse trailer, started sounding. Someone recognized was coming home. Kyuhyun grabbed the case of tack, unlocking the stable side door as Zhou Mi danced beside him. Anxious to get in, to see familiar sights.
And Zhu was at the edge of his stall, head pumping up and down as they came in.
“Baby!” Zhou Mi cried, beelining straight to him. Kyuhyun just stood and watched, as Zhou Mi pushed Zhu back and unlatched the stall door. Getting inside so he could hug the young horse’s neck, and pat him vigorously. “I missed you, you big boy. Look at you. We’re going to have so much fun. Your buddy is back, too!”
He listened to Zhou Mi’s crooning with a smile, dropping off the tack, and heading back to start getting the trailer open. Dahua was calm, if a little anxious because of the horses who’d been calling out to him. Kyuhyun led him in a few circles outside of the barn to let him limber up a little, and to make sure there’d been no bumps along the road. And Zhou Mi reeked of horse, having slathered himself liberally on Zhu before he finally appeared.
“Looks good to you?” Kyuhyun asked, patting Dahua’s neck.
“Very good.”
They allowed Zhu and Dahua to get a nose on each other, snorting at the other. Their stalls were still right beside each other, and they’d have time to get used to each other’s presence again.
All that was left, then, was to take Zhou Mi’s belongings and put them into Kyuhyun’s car, so they could be taken to Zhou Mi’s apartment. Even if Zhou Mi kind of hitched out a complaint, that it was late, and he could get by without those things until tomorrow.
“Well, there’s no point in leaving this stuff here,” Kyuhyun said, slamming his car door. “I mean, is it okay if I stay at your place tonight?”
"I haven't been there in a month. The dust and..."
“Not going for your house cleaning skills. I just want to sleep. And we can't sleep here because Henry is upstairs. So it's your bed and some dust or... No, the alternative isn't okay.”
There definitely wasn’t enough room in his bed for him, and Zhou Mi, and Henry. And he most definitely wanted a bed.
Zhou Mi looked at him a little helplessly, staring around the yard and all the things that hadn’t changed.
“I’m back,” Zhou Mi said, stepping forward. He allowed the hug for several moments, sighing into Zhou Mi’s neck and patting his butt.
“And I’m beat.”
“Want me to drive?” Zhou Mi offered, cuddling him closer.
And his response was cut off by Zhou Mi’s kiss, but when he shoved the keys into Zhou Mi’s hand, he thought he got the message across pretty well.
And hey, added bonus, Zhou Mi actually knew where they were going. And he got the option of sprawling in the passenger seat, and sucking on a wrapped hard candy that he kept in his car.
“Hey, chicken!” he said, enthused as they approached the restaurant.
“Yes,” Zhou Mi laughed, and started turning.
“You’re hungry?” Kyuhyun asked, eyeing him. He could be, he supposed. It was food, after all.
“No. I live behind it.”
“You live… No wonder you were at the chicken place when you asked if I wanted some. Oh man. Is there a gym nearby? This is not good. Chicken. Walking distance.”
Zhou Mi got them parked, and squinted over at him. “You expect to spend a lot of time here?”
“I will if you live near fried chicken,” he said airily, and popped out of the car, as Zhou Mi sputtered with laughter behind him.
They rode up to Zhou Mi’s floor with a box each, and the apartment was not, as Zhou Mi feared, overly dusty or ravaged by some natural disaster. It was messy, since Zhou Mi had been packing, but a little mess didn’t bother Kyuhyun. He’d see how Zhou Mi liked to keep it soon enough. With all his electronics and needed toiletries, Zhou Mi executively decided they should leave it at that.
“Come back with me,” Zhou Mi said, leading him by two fingers. Into the bathroom, where Zhou Mi started the water running in the little shower. “If we squeeze?”
Yes. The hot water against tired muscles, Zhou Mi’s kisses. The kisses, against his mouth and face and neck, that didn’t stop until Kyuhyun came over Zhou Mi’s fist. Standing together, faces close, noses rubbing, after he brought Zhou Mi to orgasm as well.
First time in over a month. Not the last time.
Not the last time Zhou Mi would hand him a towel, and more or less dry his body for him when Kyuhyun stood there and just admired Zhou Mi from toes to hairline, scolding all the while.
Not the last time he’d ask for something to sleep in.
“You think your underwear will fit?” he asked, staring at Zhou Mi’s hips.
“Actually.” And a lightbulb seemed to go off in Zhou Mi’s head. “I have a pair of yours! The ones you lent me to sleep in.”
Zhou Mi popped up with the plain gray briefs like he’d unearthed treasure. His stuff in Zhou Mi’s apartment. Kind of weird. He liked it.
And he liked Zhou Mi’s mattress, clearly a year or two newer than his, though only after Zhou Mi had insisted on changing the sheets. Pleasantly firm as Zhou Mi drew him in so they were face to face.
“You’re back,” Kyuhyun said.
It was a place they hadn’t been together before. It was a place they hadn’t fought in, or feared in. Zhou Mi had returned for a multitude of reasons. And he’d had someone to welcome him. It’d been a long time coming. There wasn’t even a word for what Kyuhyun felt. The worry, that Zhou Mi wasn’t ever coming back. And the worries for the future, he hadn’t gotten there yet. The thing about his job, there were stables everywhere. Everywhere Zhou Mi would be.
“I’m back,” Zhou Mi agreed, and kissed him goodnight.
***
Epilogue
***
The day was heady and warm, the start of real spring weather making it almost impossible to sit still and stay inside. He’d spent most of the winter arguing with Zhou Mi between fashion and staying warm, though Zhou Mi had definitely bundled up for riding. Cabin fever, Kyuhyun supposed. The horse under him certainly seemed to think so, not wanting to walk if he allowed her to run. He got a little of that energy out of her as he waited impatiently for Zhou Mi to finish tightening Dahua’s saddle. Steadying his new horse, a gift from Zhou Mi, as she wanted to shift and sidle under him.
He hadn’t actually settled on a name for the horse, and he wasn’t taking Zhou Mi’s suggestions, since he’d named one of his horses for a tree, and the other for butterfly larvae. She had a registered name, of course, but needed one for the stable. Young, which was why Zhou Mi had gotten her cheaply. Too multi-colored to be a show horse, but sweet. He’d watched Zhou Mi teach her under saddle himself. Only the best for Kyuhyun, Zhou Mi had promised. A horse was kind of a big gift, he’d mused, and Zhou Mi had clearly discussed it with him before making a move. They’d picked out the young mare together, and her coming up to rest a heavy head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder had clinched it.
“Oh look, it’s you in horse form,” Kyuhyun had joked, petting the soft nose as she leaned against him. Zhou Mi had just grinned all over.
“Ready to ride?” Kyuhyun asked for the third time.
Zhou Mi laughed, swinging up into the saddle with impeccable form. Impeccable legs, too. “Impatient today. Now I am.”
There were miles of riding trails to explore. And it got him away from mucking, and thinking, and anything else he did his best to get away from. It helped that Zhou Mi found ways to reach and pat his butt even if they were riding together. And as long as Zhou Mi stayed on his horse, they were great. He wasn’t ever going to let Zhou Mi forget that. He felt he had good reason, since Zhou Mi teased him every so often that he’d had no choice but to fall in love since Zhou Mi had shoved him into it. Though Zhou Mi had denied he was trying to compare his love with a pile of horse poop. Eh. As long as Zhou Mi didn’t actually make a chair of out of chicken boxes for a corner of their apartment, then he was cool to call it even.
Zhou Mi and Dahua fell easily into step as they headed out beyond the paddocks. The trails were clear, and even if they’d been over most of them, it was still a pleasure to do so again. Together.
***
***
The End \o/
***
A/N: Thanks and snuggles for wobaozhewo~