[Fic] Unraveling 1/1
Title: Unraveling
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairing: Girl!Zhou Mi/Girl!Kyuhyun (both girls, just fyi, please don't miss that part)
Rating: R
Warnings: sexual situations, GIRLS
Genre: GIRLS, fluff
In which no one tells me no, and I acknowledge I should stick to what I know. o/
***
Kyuhyun honestly should’ve hated her. It wasn’t like she enjoyed having her free time interrupted, getting asked out on banal dates that she turned down after the first time out. Going out with her friends was more interesting, it was just that it took a lot of work. Women wanted to look good for each other, or so she was told, which was problematic, in that she had to dress and make herself up to a certain standard or else feel like the poodle someone had invited along instead. Her hair would’ve done that to her, sadly.
But Zhou Mi, she was a friend of a friend. She had legs that went up to her chin, a short odd-angled haircut that would’ve made any other face look wretched, and an infectious smile. Basically, she was gorgeous, which meant that had she been in possession of a more generously sized pair of tits, any woman would’ve been within their right to deport her. Zhou Mi made Kyuhyun’s life hard, because suddenly the standards had been raised. And even when Kyuhyun told herself very fiercely in the mirror that she didn’t care, well. She kept trying.
And with all that going for her, Zhou Mi should’ve been the haughtiest bitch on the face of the planet, lording it over all the mortals around her whose thighs may have jiggled a little putting on their pants. Or, possibly that was just Kyuhyun. But her personality went along with the smile, and a giggle, a wicked sense of humor, and eyes that got huge and concerned whenever anyone brought up a problem in their life. The second outing Zhou Mi had been invited along on had been a movie, and Zhou Mi had been two people away from her. And she’d had at least three people offering her tissues as she’d started quietly sobbing at the movie.
Kyuhyun had made do with blinking rapidly.
The next movie had been a horror film, and she thought secretly that Zhou Mi had been laughing at them.
***
She was Kyuhyun. She had dark hair, no shocker, that she occasionally highlighted on the whim of the person who trimmed her hair. She liked it long, that she could slick it into a ponytail and get it out of her face and not be one of those girls always fiddling with it. Or at least fiddling less. It suited her lifestyle, that was the thing. She hated her thighs, and had apparently just this much more hip and butt than any other girl her exact height and weight which made finding pants a trial from the bowels of hell. When she actually found a pair of jeans that did not cut off circulation to her hipbones or legs, and made her butt not look saggy or bulbous? She could’ve kissed the attendant. And bought three pairs, all her salary would allow.
Zhou Mi had different problems with finding jeans, they heard. They were all too short when she got them to fit her gorgeously sleek curves, or too big when they fit the length of her legs. Kyuhyun really rallied and tried to drum up sympathy in that regard. But that was, according to Zhou Mi, why she didn’t wear pants very often. Breezy skirts, yes. Leggings with tunics that made Kyuhyun green with envy, sure. Of course, the pants Kyuhyun had seen bordered on skin tight and with the bright colored heels, made Zhou Mi look like the Eiffel Tower.
Kyuhyun had never been to Paris. But she did have those legs sprawled all over her, as Zhou Mi fled from a debate, laughing against Kyuhyun’s neck. Half in her lap.
“Save me,” Zhou Mi pleaded, peeking around the back of Kyuhyun’s head.
“From what?” Kyuhyun asked, a little put out by the fact that Zhou Mi smelled like some kind of vanilla cake.
“She wants me to burn all of my leopard print,” Zhou Mi said, still gulping from her impromptu run.
“No one needs a leopard print bra!”
Kyuhyun flushed, as the words rang out in the restaurant and all of her friends started laughing uproariously.
“See, Kyuhyun agrees,” Zhou Mi said, taking Kyuhyun’s silence as acquiescence, the fainted hint of a lilt in her words. “I’ll just stay here and talk to you.”
There was that smile again, Zhou Mi leaning over Kyuhyun to reach for her drink that was being passed down. It smelled of mangoes and strawberries, and floated along with the vanilla, and Kyuhyun had a slightly terror of what her breath was like, reaching for her own drink of rum and coke, and kind of nursed it. Realizing it’d make her teeth brown. Maybe she should’ve opted for water.
It wasn’t like they’d never talked. Even when Zhou Mi had taken back her legs and arms, she was still close, and touching. Kyuhyun saw her with the others, the girls she’d been friends with first. Touching a shoulder, a hand, an elbow. Leaning into them as she laughed like she was trying to infuse them with it, or draw power to keep on laughing, one. And it wasn’t about the way that the stars dangled and glittered from Zhou Mi’s ears, or the shine of her nail polish. Zhou Mi was engaging, comfortable. She made anyone feel like her friend. And for Kyuhyun who hadn’t really made friends so easily, it was lulling, and nice, and made her forget that she should hate Zhou Mi so much, and then be glad she was around. Having that kind of way, that made anyone want to keep talking to her. Zhou Mi probably had twenty seven best friends, and guys lining up from six countries trying to get at her.
Okay, that was probably just Kyuhyun’s overactive imagination, sometime during the night as she flopped onto a different pillow for the hundredth time and wondering how it was possible to dream in fucking leopard print.
***
It was coffee, that time, Zhou Mi breezing in on a puff of cold air. Hugging Eunhyuk as she sat down on that side of the table with her newly boughten cup.
“How is everyone?” she asked, beaming from face to face, eventually to Kyuhyun as well. Everyone made their answers, and Kyuhyun nodded along, a little distracted by the way that Zhou Mi’s earrings swung. Pretty, that day. Pearls in an intricate golden swirl that danced against her neck as she spoke.
It wasn’t as though she looked for envy. Envying Zhou Mi’s personality, or the ease with which she wore herself. Her clothes or accessories. Sometimes, it was just hard to look away from a person who seemed to bring life to the room. Even amidst the discussion of yet another world event that had them moaning, talking about their parents.
“We should go see another movie soon, together. Get away from real life for a little while,” Eunhyuk said.
“Oh, there’s the new comedy playing, isn’t there?”
“I saw that the other day,“ Kyuhyun said. And when everyone stared, she excused herself. “I was bored and out, and everyone was busy!”
“Oh. Oh.” Eunhyuk smiled at Donghae over the table. “I know why she went alone. The actress she likes is in it.”
“Oh, Kyuhyun had to have her alone time to savor. That just means you want to see it again, right?” Donghae asked, elbowing her and laughing.
“Which actress?” Zhou Mi asked, curiously.
“Kyuhyun’s crush. Ow!”
Donghae rubbed her arm where Kyuhyun had pinched it, heat flooding her face. And took it upon herself to explain what actress she was being teased about, so the others couldn’t add any weird bits. So she thought that person was extraordinarily attractive, so what? It wasn’t like it had to mean anything. She wasn’t afraid for others to know she found girls attractive, and she’d never stopped her friends from speaking about it. She wasn’t sure why it affected her quite that much, for Zhou Mi to listen in on their banter. And it wasn’t like she could figure out what Zhou Mi thought of it, Zhou Mi looking between them with interest.
“So when should we all go see it?” Kyuhyun asked.
They settled on a day, and that was that. She shoved the feeling to the back of her head, and sipped her coffee. And looked forward to the outing with more anticipation than she realized.
***
Kyuhyun came into realization of the crush, as it were, when she rattled off something Zhou Mi had told her apparently for the third time in an hour. Eunhyuk had giggled and said it was cute how Kyuhyun did that. Kind of like she had a crush.
Kyuhyun had hur-hur-ed her way out of that one, but the words ping-ponged around in her head all the way home. Happier when Zhou Mi was there, maybe making the jokes she made at the others a little bit wittier than usual. Stupidly happy when Zhou Mi sat next to her, talking to her until the very last second they had to split apart. Talking about her. Kyuhyun blanched, realizing she’d even mentioned Zhou Mi to her mother. Who had obviously thought nothing of it, just another of Kyuhyun’s little friends. Her mother, who would never know about the girls she’d dated.
Just a stupid joke. Clearly all in her imagination. She just really enjoyed Zhou Mi’s company, that was all.
She cleaned her entire bedroom, showered, answered boring emails, and fell into bed. Idly rubbing the front of her panties and wondering if she was too tired for an orgasm that she indulged most nights. Stress relief, she’d argued at one point. Just being a pervert, she acknowledged at other times. She sighed, and cupped a breast, thinking full steam ahead. The image of Zhou Mi’s mouth curving had her eyes opened with terror, focusing on the ceiling. Sure, she had fantasies, and if she was honest, maybe Zhou Mi had featured in the abstract a few times. Just vague enough to keep her brain from spasming, but just graphic enough to get her off. And usually with other people involved. If that made it better. Because an orgy was so much less threatening.
But if she had a crush, if she had feelings, then getting off to Zhou Mi’s face was…
Was…
She tried to smother herself in her pillow.
She dreamed about frogs and some kind of audit at work, and woke with her failed masturbation at the forefront of her thoughts. Still dazed by sleep, she rubbed gently, rocking into her fingers. Zhou Mi laughing, curling around her. Mouth wet against Kyuhyun’s neck. Kissing the winging collar bones, to the gentle swell of her breasts. Zhou Mi saying her name.
The thought of kissing Zhou Mi. It had her tense, gasping. The orgasm quick, like a bubble, there and gone, almost too quick to enjoy. The fact that it had been there at all? She rolled over, moaned softly into the mattress, and kept a hand cupped protectively over her throbbing sex. She could think with her head, not her hormones. And kept in mind that if she’d been thinking with her hormones only, she’d have been getting off to explicit thoughts of Zhou Mi for weeks, instead of just sort of perking up whenever she came around. Her mind had been way ahead of her body. And that was the scariest thing of all.
***
Kyuhyun did what she always did when she had a crush and wanted no one to know about it.
She pretended that Zhou Mi didn’t exist.
Being around her friends made it especially hard. There had been a big confession moment not long after she’d gotten her first real job, when she’d admitted she was attracted to some girls. They’d all met her male dates in the past, and there had been double dates, so it wasn’t as though she was exclusively into girls. But it was hard to deny it when she had been with a few. The girl in college had been her longest relationship to date, and had left her with a sort spot in her heart that lingered even then. So they knew that she wasn’t into them. But if she suddenly started acting weird, when Eunhyuk clearly was already sort of seeing things? It was only going to make a big arrow over her head that said “Kyuhyun has a CRUSH on a GIRL. Also that girl is Zhou Mi, please pass the water?”
Sure, that would fly over with no pause at all.
So, maybe she laughed a hint too hysterically at a joke, and deliberately avoided looking at Zhou Mi except in cases where she was 1000% sure no one was seeing her. It made for some near-miss eye-catchings, and the next week when Zhou Mi had taken a seat beside her, Kyuhyun’s head had been stuck in the forward position, hiding behind a curtain of her hair. If Zhou Mi had taken anything away from the conversation about Kyuhyun’s little “crush” on an actress, she had no idea. But the not knowing made things even more weird in her head. She still spoke, of course, contributing to the conversation about how ridiculous the subway was, and what they were doing for a combined birthday dinner. And more or less generally feeling like she was a 13 year old with a pimple on her chin, trying to not be noticed by her crush who sat two seats over in class.
Or in this case, Zhou Mi, who was laughing, leaning into Kyuhyun’s shoulder. Her fingers, one adorned with some flashy red ring, were splayed against Kyuhyun’s knee, supporting herself. She glanced over, unable to stop, eyes catching on Zhou Mi’s laughing mouth, and following the point of her chin, down. Down, where Zhou Mi’s loose shirt had gapped at the low collar. It gave her a second, no more, an eyeful of cleavage, pale breasts cupped in black, and the animal print that haunted her dreams. Even as her eyes flicked away, the thoughts of sliding that cloth down, pressing kisses to the swell of Zhou Mi’s- She crossed her arms over her own chest, almost in defense against what she’d imagined doing to Zhou Mi. And Kyuhyun had thoughts of what would happen if she just bonelessly slid under the table and out some handy drain.
She kept both hands firmly around her ice water glass after, both for something to focus on, and something to keep her hands busy. Since Zhou Mi seemed to like to squeeze them. And she was still stupid, hanging around until almost everyone had left, like some dark-aura-ed ninny. But not nearly confident enough to stay until it was just her, and Zhou Mi. Going home, and doing what she always did, and making it several days, before the want swamped her. Stupid. She missed Zhou Mi, and saw her every week. Missed talking to her. Touching herself didn’t even make her feel guilty. It just made her want.
At the noraebang, their bags crammed with snacks and drinks, they warbled for hours. Kyuhyun finally accepted a cup of soju as everyone else started getting sloshed and making stupid mistakes on songs as they laughed and giggled and shouted. A parade of grown women making blessed fools of themselves, and Kyuhyun wanted none of them except for the one currently standing and laughing, and trying to get someone to stand and sing with her. Zhou Mi was different. Different like the girl Kyuhyun’s first year of college, or the one she’d crushed on in middle school, or-
“Kyuhyun hasn’t sang in a while!”
She grunted, almost squealed, as she was pushed up off the couch, almost stumbling into the low table as she tottered to her feet.
“Kyuhyun, sing this with me?” Zhou Mi urged, handing her the extra mic.
The song was catchy, chirpy, one of the popular girl group numbers that someone had to be literally under a rock to escape. She knew it well, though, laughing and tapping her foot as Zhou Mi wiggled next to her. Of course, if she hadn’t been singing, she’d have been able to watch. Their voices blended, as different as they were. And she had to focus on the mic and the words, not to look over and stare at Zhou Mi’s face. Which was undoubtedly shining as she sang, and it had nothing to do with the lights in the room.
And Kyuhyun needed to stop with the alcohol immediately.
But they both got booed as the score that came up was the highest of the night, Zhou Mi holding up Kyuhyun’s hand in victory and pouring more soju into her cup.
***
They were all mostly steady as they got onto the subway. They moved like some roaming pack of laughter, moving along the stops as first one of them - sober enough - peeled off to go home, then two more. One who was a little too drunk required some assistance. And Kyuhyun could’ve begged off, since there were three of them to help, her and Zhou Mi and Donghae. But the way Zhou Mi was giggling meant she wasn’t really fully sober herself. The next subway stop had her and Zhou Mi alone, propped together on the seats. Her stop was one beyond Zhou Mi’s. She’d never let herself think about it, much. Whether they’d accidentally meet on the train.
“I don’t wanna go back,” Zhou Mi said, her head resting back against the wall. “My apartment has all these stairs. Like going up a mountain.”
“Mine has an elevator,” Kyuhyun helpfully supplied.
Very deliberately and precisely, Zhou Mi spoke, like she was trying to be more sober than she felt. “Would you mind if I stayed with you? I could’ve asked Donghae. If forg- Ahem. Forgot? Please? I’ll get you breakfast.”
With sugar on top. Kyuhyun wasn’t sure which part of her brain agreed, but it did. She did. And was equal parts almost blitzed with pleasure, and pretty sure she hadn’t drank enough to take an edge off her anxiety.
Kyuhyun buzzed ahead of Zhou Mi into the apartment, both of them quiet on the ride up after Zhou Mi had complimented the area she lived in. Comfortable enough. Close to the subway, anyway. Kyuhyun was less concerned about clutter, and more hoping she didn’t have underwear scattered, or bras hanging on the back of the door, or too much crap on her bathroom counters or something. It checked out, and she sent Zhou Mi in first, getting her pajamas and plotting the end of the world. She didn’t have a couch. She could make herself a nest on the floor and let Zhou Mi have the bed, or was that weird? Or they could share.
“I love your soap!” Zhou Mi exclaimed, tottering out of the bathroom on bare, bare legs up to the edge of her miniskirt. “Your apartment is so nice.”
“Thanks. Um. Did you- The bed is pretty big, if you didn’t mind…?”
“Oh, yes,” Zhou Mi said. “Can I get a drink of water?”
Kyuhyun would’ve gotten it for her, but Zhou Mi insisted, and Kyuhyun changed into her pajamas. Sometimes she slept in just shorts and a tank top, but she had full on pants that night. Armor, of some kind. She almost considered leaving on her bra, but the war between covered and comfortable eventually erred on the former. It wasn’t like the tank top showed anything. She’d slid under the covers after asking if Zhou Mi needed anything, leaving the bedside light on on that side for her. And looking over, she intended to make sure everything was okay.
She saw, all right. Saw Zhou Mi shimmying down her skirt, dark blue underwear clinging. And that was all she saw, her hands covering her face so fast she nearly hurt her nose, mumbling “I can’t do this” directly into her palms.
“What?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Nothing,” she croaked, and turned to press into her pillow. Maybe Zhou Mi would just pass out.
“I’m glad I got to come stay with you,” Zhou Mi said, and Kyuhyun heard it even through her suffocation. “You’ve been so quiet the last couple of weeks, but I didn’t want to ask you what was wrong in front of the others. I know…I know we haven’t been close, but if you need to talk, ever?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Kyuhyun said softly, lifting her face just enough to speak. “You can turn off the light.”
Zhou Mi did, turning back to her, and the effect wasn’t what Kyuhyun had hoped. Gleaming cat eyes from the window’s light, shading her mouth, catching the sparkle of the second stud in her ear.
What speaking was there to do, besides the whole, I think I have a crush on you that’s so stupid and ridiculous, and you’re gorgeous, and in my bed, and what kind of leopard print bra is it, exactly? thing.
Having Zhou Mi that close was like brushing her teeth with a glacier. It froze her inside, mentholated bloodstream as Zhou Mi whispered, her words unstudied and stumbled, and just the slightest bit impaired, almost lisping. Like some kind of siren, and Kyuhyun was embarrassed by the thought.
“I like spending time with you. Kyuhyun… Um. Gui…Guixian, it would be? Yes. Thank you, Guixian.”
“Sure,” she said. And her voice wavered as Zhou Mi’s hand stroked her arm from elbow to wrist. Their fingers tangled, Kyuhyun’s awkward and unsure, but with a sigh, Zhou Mi relaxed. So close. Maybe it had just been a crush, and yeah she could see the curve of Zhou Mi’s shoulder, and she wanted. But it made her wistful, the sweetest aching pain of something unrequited.
And, before she fell asleep and she remembered everything that night, she decided that her taste was spot on. Spot on.
***
Kyuhyun was a self-professed deep sleeper. And she showed that to herself that night in that she didn’t wake up every five minutes freaking out that Zhou Mi was sleeping next to her. And waking up the next morning, it wasn’t to see Zhou Mi running around half naked, but actually sitting on Kyuhyun’s side of the bed fully dressed.
“I just got a call from my mother, and I have to go,” Zhou Mi said, when Kyuhyun’s eyes had focused on her. Holding in the holy shit that wanted to escape her mouth at the fact that Zhou Mi was both right there, and right there seeing her in all of her just-barely-awake glory. Her hair. And Zhou Mi looked like she’d just been perfectly pressed. Kyuhyun vaguely remembered her feeling Zhou Mi shouldn’t be liked, but that was kind of put out of the universe as Zhou Mi leaned in with endless, awkward arms to hug her. “Sorry about missing breakfast. Next time, okay?”
“Sure.”
She should’ve gotten up, seen Zhou Mi to the door, but was too busy trying not to whimper from the kiss pressed to her cheek. And after she heard the outer door close, she covered her head with her pillow and shrieked into the mattress.
And again. The bed rocking her glory, her angst, whatever it was that was causing her the thrash and half sob and laugh at the same time. Breathless, she lay there, having knocked her pillow to the floor in her fit of getting her emotions out. And a flash caught her eye, her head popping up like a scenting hound.
Zhou Mi’s earrings on the bedside table. Not exactly the equivalent of leaving panties in a car, but. No, Zhou Mi had just forgotten them, that was all. But she felt lighter, anyway, as she rolled over. She knew why they called it a crush, because it was definitely crushing her, only it felt like it was from the inside out.
***
Kyuhyun kept herself busy that week, working. She didn’t have Zhou Mi’s cell phone number, and didn’t want to creep around seeing who did have it, so she hung the earrings quite carefully and tried not to stare at them too much when she was getting ready for work. The next time they all got together, she’d take them with her, and try to be subtle about giving them back. Not like they’d done anything wrong, or anything- Anything. She just had to keep remembering that.
Friday afternoon, and her being all set to hide in her room with perhaps some dark chocolate covered nuts and a book, had her checking a text message from a number she didn’t know.
“Hi~ It’s Zhou Mi! ^^ Eunhyuk gave me your number. Are you free tonight? ^^”
She nearly dropped the phone like it had bitten her, reading the words over and over. No, it wasn’t some kind of joke. Yes, Zhou Mi had really just texted to ask if she was free. No, it wasn’t a date. Zhou Mi was probably just bored, and they’d slept tog- in the same bed, and hung out, and for all Kyuhyun knew there were others invited, too. So there.
“Hey,” she typed back. “I’m free. What’s up?”
That didn’t sound too lame, she thought. But saved it as a draft, read it a minute later. And told herself, fuck it, and pushed send.
And then hastily added the number to her contact list. No hearts or anything, just Zhou Mi’s name. Just seeing it there made her kind of shudder.
Zhou Mi, it seemed, had some shopping in mind. Wandering around the fashionable shops and boutiques. Even if the actual message was followed by an incomprehensible “I wanna shopping~” which was kind of cute, in a messy sort of way.
Kyuhyun kept herself from asking if she was the only one invited, when they ironed out when and where to meet at the subway stop. And then she realized she had to figure out what to wear. She should’ve turned Zhou Mi down. But she still had to give her back the earrings. And what if she made a complete ass of herself? She held onto her phone like it was going to give her the key to all her troubles, and raced home to see what in her closet was suitable for a not-date-shopping-outing with the person she wanted to see the most out of, well. Almost everyone.
***
Zhou Mi was there, and alone, when Kyuhyun arrived, trying to look nonchalant even if her heart was going seventy seven times faster than the recommended limit. Kyuhyun knew this because of the temporary insanity caused by Zhou Mi smiling and waving.
“It’s just us,” Zhou Mi said, directing them toward street level. “I texted a few of the others, but they were all busy.”
“Stuck with me, then,” Kyuhyun offered, and kind of hoped that wasn’t the case.
“Lucky,” Zhou Mi insisted, and patted at her adorable knit cap to be sure of its place. “Did you have somewhere you wanted to go, or should I just start dragging you around?”
“You start, and I’ll see if I see anything,” Kyuhyun said, laughing. Knowing her, she’d probably make some totally obnoxious joke about lingerie, and have to hide in a sewer drain until she was 86, or until she had forgotten what had come out of her mouth in Zhou Mi’s presence. Whichever came first.
They wandered multiple levels of a clothing store, going between racks and shelves. She stared curiously at the perfectly dressed models decorating blank wall spaces, and tried to visualize whether she’d look even halfway normal in any of the clothes that Zhou Mi held up or examined.
“I’m really looking for a nice skirt to wear to work,” Zhou Mi said, waggling one that she was holding. Zhou Mi, who worked at a fashion magazine. Zhou Mi who clearly knew what was in more than Kyuhyun did. And it was obvious by then, that Zhou Mi could’ve shown up in a sack and it would’ve delighted Kyuhyun to no end. “Oh, but these shirts are really adorable.”
And Zhou Mi went from exclaiming over the shirt with the subtle pinstripes, to holding one of them up against Kyuhyun.
“Oh, you should try this on. I think it’d look really nice on you. Hmm, with those gray slacks you have?”
Kyuhyun obediently took the shirt with kind of numb hands, but Zhou Mi was already off searching for another find. Zhou Mi knew her slacks? Her head felt light and stupid, and her face felt like a red hot, and she just waited for her turn in the fitting room. She did all right with clothes, but being around Zhou Mi made her feel like she knew nothing at all.
She’d barely gotten it buttoned up before there was a tap on the door, Zhou Mi squeezing in with a laugh. “They’re so busy. Oh!” Zhou Mi tweaked the hem, checking where it sat on Kyuhyun’s shoulders. “Oh, it looks nice. You could wear it with anything, really. It really emphasizes your waist. You’re so lucky.”
Zhou Mi’s perfectly manicured, pink-nailed hand was rubbing up and down her side to show off just how the shirred seam emphasized her waist. Touching her. Had she been made of springs and cogs, a few of them would’ve melted down and started sproinging.
Red faces didn’t go with fashion statements. Zhou Mi slipped back out after Kyuhyun had gotten out some kind of agreement, and she carried the shirt with her like armor, buying it after Zhou Mi purchased her “I have to get it altered anyway” skirt choice. Part of her was sad she didn’t get to see Zhou Mi try it on and model it, but it was hard to be sad when Zhou Mi had touched her, and more or less complimented her.
“It’s hard not to buy everything,” Zhou Mi mourned. “So many of the clothes are nice. Cute for work, or dates, or anything.”
“Haha,” Kyuhyun heard herself saying and unable to stop it. “Not that I have dates to worry about.”
“Oh, I know, me too!”
They made the mistake of passing the shoes on their way out, the call of examining the options almost too much to resist. If she hadn’t been edging, Zhou Mi seemed to have been looking that way, too.
“Do we ever need more shoes?” Kyuhyun asked, trying not to touch the toe of a sweet looking heeled sandal.
“I always see the cute shoes and think how nice I could dress them up.” Of course Zhou Mi was gesturing to a bright yellow pump that Kyuhyun couldn’t even imagine coordinating. “Everyone else talks about their love lives, but you don’t seem to?"
If only Zhou Mi actually knew what Kyuhyun wanted, what kind of love life she was dreaming of, she probably wouldn't ask that question. Kyuhyun just shook her head. “I don’t have much luck that way. I figure- It’ll happen?”
Usually not how she wanted it to happen, but she’d dated. She wasn’t hopeless.
“Then we’ll hope together.”
She carried Zhou Mi’s little smile with her as they split up, walking through dress shoes and sports shoes. She settled firmly on a row of boots, one singing to her in particularly, soft brown leather, trim. Something that wouldn’t make her look like her legs were ten times wider.
“Can I help you with anything?” the attendant asked, clearly spotting a sale at her fingertips. Kyuhyun glanced around for Zhou Mi, and muttered her shoe size with a modicum of guilt.
She didn’t need boots. But why were they so gorgeous, and right there in front of her face?
The long, wide box was deposited next to a seat for her, and Zhou Mi arrived just in time for the top to be taken off.
“Oh my… I love boots so much,” Zhou Mi said. “Those are so gorgeous.”
Zhou Mi’s fingers tracing the leather had her heart tripping for a few moments, and she wiggled her foot out of her shoe. With socks and her skinny pants on, the boot fit perfectly. So she could wear them with pants, or with a skirt or something. And the heel, more so than on her cuter shoes, took her almost to Zhou Mi’s height. Not that she noticed, before she turned around. She sucked in a breath and focused on herself in the mirror, at least until she caught sight of Zhou Mi giving her very serious thumbs-up in the reflection. It was impossible to be down around her.
“That mean it’s a ten?” she asked, striking an awkward one-boot-on pose.
“At least twelve,” Zhou Mi corrected her. “You’re getting them?”
“It’s nice finding boots that fit, since, you know. I have calves.” She eyed Zhou Mi’s legs in a way that indicated that Zhou Mi might not. And she took another look at the price on the box, and winced. She could afford them. And they were gorgeous. Just, slightly more than she was used to paying for shoes. Okay, so there was more material in a boot. That counted for something.
Zhou Mi was rustling in her little purse somewhat determinedly, holding out a folded piece of paper. “Here, it’s a 20% off coupon on shoes. I get them all the time, since I think I own stock in the company. Please. If you don’t get them, I think I’ll cry.”
“Why would you do that to me?” Kyuhyun asked, hanging her head. And snatched the paper with a laugh. “This is your fault.”
“I’ll take responsibility, no problem,” Zhou Mi told her. And struck up a conversation with the attendant as Kyuhyun made sure of the other boot, and put back on her own shoes. A shirt, and a pair of boots. Not a bad outcome when she tended to find shopping to be harder than it had any right being. Zhou Mi seemed pumped by the purchases, pointing out some idol on a standing sign before leading Kyuhyun toward an alley.
“Oh, here!”
A makeup store. It was packed with women, and women with their boyfriends, so they were well in their place. Zhou Mi seemed to know where she was going, and Kyuhyun followed as Zhou Mi moved along the aisle, considering lipstick colors. “I really like this shade of pink,” Zhou Mi said, smiling up at her. “It’s darker than my natural color, so it just gives a little pop. What colors are your favorites?”
“I…” Kyuhyun stared back at the lines of colors and they all kind of ran together. “One of my favorites is kind of a peach… Pink, sort of like this one. It’s really sheer, almost a gloss.”
“I remember you wearing that!” Zhou Mi said, her eyes moving down Kyuhyun’s face. “Your lips are so nice, you could wear anything. There are girls at work who would do anything to have a mouth like yours.”
“Oh. I…”
Seem to be stuck staring like a complete jerkface. Though Zhou Mi didn’t seem to be doing much better, a brief look of shock crossing over her face before the smile came mostly back. Maybe not a compliment Zhou Mi handed out often. Even if Kyuhyun tried to brush it off as just an observation. Her mouth was one of her favorite features, after all. But Zhou Mi managed to save her from her own awkward, laughing softly and squeezing her arm.
“Sorry, who knows what to say to something like that? Did you teach yourself how to do your makeup?”
“Mostly. Tutorials? Friends?”
Actually, in her estimation, her makeup skills were slightly above those of a five year old making a break into her mother’s makeup bag. Okay, slightly above that, too, since she knew she could attain at the very least dramatic with her face, stopping short of garish or worse, a clown. She envied some of her friends for attaining that effortless makeup look that seemed to take her decades to get. Maybe it took them that long, too, who knew. She wasn’t sure she could endure a makeup tutorial with Zhou Mi, at least not while conscious. But Zhou Mi picked up lipstick, and a powder compact, and declared herself good. Which was a good thing, because Zhou Mi was going to get a Kyuhyun-on-the-floor. From fatigue, emotional and physical. Anyone forced to hide their crush while walking around with her being pretty, charming, and trying on clothes? This was supposed to be Kyuhyun’s push to lessen that awkward crush feeling, not ramp it up.
“Did we miss dinner?” Zhou Mi asked, staring at her cell phone in shock as they made it onto the sidewalk. “We… Kyuhyun! You know I can go for hours, why didn’t you say something? You must be starving.”
It was the wake of a storm, following after Zhou Mi. Even when she protested, said she should get back, Zhou Mi insisted that Kyuhyun had come out with her, that she still owed her a meal for letting her stay over. That, and Zhou Mi hooked her in by the elbow, linked arms as they stood in the chill deciding what way to go.
“I want to know what you like to eat,” Zhou Mi said, bumping into her shoulder. “Which way?”
All they had were street lights, and shop lights, and headlights. She could just see Zhou Mi’s earrings under the knit cap, the perfectly sculpted eyebrows. Smiling brown eyes. Zhou Mi kind of looked like she was in a painting, with all that weird lighting. Or a magazine, with her bags dangling. And there she was, Kyuhyun, staring just a second or two too long, in such earnest awe.
“I think my stomach just growled,” she announced, like it was an excuse for her idiocy. And she let her nose guide her, choosing one of the brightly lit restaurants inviting in shoppers. They collapsed into a tiny corner booth, arranging their legs carefully, though somehow the side of Zhou Mi’s knee kept coming to rest against hers. She got omelette rice, tea, and beer, watching as Zhou Mi ordered the same.
“I love eating at new places,” Zhou Mi said, her eyes scanning the walls, the other booths. “I always hope to find something new to love eating. And no, don’t tell me I can eat anything I want, because it’s not true!”
Since Kyuhyun had been about to say just that, she hid her laughter ineffectively.
“But I don’t starve myself,” Zhou Mi confided. “I really do eat a lot. I’m just naturally this way.”
“I’m naturally this way, too,” Kyuhyun mused wryly. Hello, butt, how are you.
“I always wished I looked like you,” Zhou Mi said, lips curving wickedly as she leaned closer. “Should we change bodies and see if we like having them as much as we think?”
Kyuhyun swallowed the last of the water she’d just sipped, rather than inhale it. Half choking into the back of her hand as having Zhou Mi’s body went through her mind in a totally different way than what Zhou Mi was implying.
She was still sputtering with what she hoped looked like laughter as their food and drinks were delivered. A very long draw of her beer was required, fanning her face as Zhou Mi thanked their waiter and smiled between Kyuhyun and their food.
Was it going to be the best meal ever? She could only hope.
***
Kyuhyun was ever so pleasantly buzzed as they made their way to the subway, the streets still crowded for the hour. Zhou Mi had taken her arm again, possibly for stability in her heels as they weaved between people. Dinner had been the settling she needed, to take the edge off her anxiety, and let her find the whole experience rather pleasant. Though she just hoped she didn’t remember something bad in the morning. They collapsed onto the subway car bench together, bags knocking as the doors hissed closed. Zhou Mi leaned a little harder into her.
“You should stay with me tonight. My bed is comfortable, and I have pajamas you can borrow. There’s this adorable coffee shop just around the corner, and- If you can’t, that’s fine. I just get carried away. But if you can?”
Kyuhyun didn’t have to consult her calendar to know she was free the next day. No other plans. No pressing needs. Maybe it was kind of bad judgement, and maybe if it’d been over the phone she might’ve refused. But Zhou Mi was there, so sunny and warm and eager, and all the rational and irrational brain cells in her body shouted at her to say yes. Just yes, anything to be around Zhou Mi a little more. Soak up just a little more laughter, subject herself to making a few more memories that would have her cringing at herself even years later.
But wasn’t it worth it, for one more smile?
It wasn’t like her weaknesses were secret to herself.
They picked up snacks and drinks on the way to Zhou Mi’s apartment, wandering around the convenience store isles and laughing at stupid things like stationery and random jars. The young attendant had clearly seen Zhou Mi before, and she chatted amiably. Kyuhyun managed to pay, only half dropping a bag of chips onto the floor with a muffled curse. But they’d made it up the stairs Zhou Mi had rightfully complained about, and through her front door. And Zhou Mi was so meticulously put together, that Kyuhyun almost expected to walk into some staggeringly gorgeous artist’s loft. Instead, it wasn’t too different than her own. A pretty pink throw blanket tossed over a table, a bowl of random bits and earrings, framed posters of Europe, fashionable women. It didn’t have to be spectacular to be fascinating, bookshelves dominating one wall and crammed full, a tiny desk with a laptop. Pictures of what she assumed was Zhou Mi’s family, a dog. She could’ve just stood and soaked it in for hours. It even smelled like Zhou Mi, kind of. What Kyuhyun imagined Zhou Mi to smell like, anyway.
The outer room kind of smelled like lemons, but Zhou Mi’s bedroom had the distinct smell of something else. Lilacs, if she had to choose a flower exactly. White lilacs, maybe. She considered that, as Zhou Mi shrugged out of her cropped black jacket, leaving her in the long, blue striped sweater and leggings. White lilacs. It just made her imagine white silk on Zhou Mi’s skin, kissing her thighs, her breasts.
“Something to sleep in… I don’t really like pajamas,” Zhou Mi apologized, rummaging in a drawer after she helped Kyuhyun to set the snacks on the bed. “I have some loose shorts and a tank top?”
“That’s fine.”
More than fine. Anything, to get Zhou Mi and silk out of her head. Zhou Mi showed her everything she could make use of in the bathroom, leaving with a slide of her fingers against Kyuhyun’s lower back.
Of course, the tank top that Zhou Mi offered was nice. And if she had been as thin in the torso, or had no breasts, it would’ve been. It wasn’t even near obscene, and the silky fabric was nice. It just came a little close to emphasizing everything she had. And there, her long hair became a blessing. Zhou Mi was still out of the room as she slid under the covers, the sheets cool against her legs as she covered herself.
They chose a movie from Zhou Mi’s collection, Zhou Mi curling next to her on top of the covers and eating their snacks. And Kyuhyun only spent a few moments considering Zhou Mi’s perfectly painted toes, pale pink to match her fingers. Slim, elegant feet. Hardly unexpected. But they disappeared under the sheet, Zhou Mi arranging her pillow and leaning close against Kyuhyun’s side. More of Zhou Mi enjoying contact. Feeling comfortable. Reason. What was that?
“I would’ve been so bad at ballet,” Zhou Mi moaned. “I would’ve fallen and broken myself before the first plie.”
“You’d have looked nice in the outfits, though.’’
“Thank you,” Zhou Mi said, squeezing her hand.
The hand holding just didn’t go away, Zhou Mi’s fingers occasionally adjusting, shifting. Keeping them from sweating against each other. Watching the photographer on the screen work his magic on the model he was shooting.
“These are the kinds of pictures your magazine does?” Kyuhyun asked. She’d seen it, obviously. Knew Zhou Mi worked at a fashion magazine, had actually looked for Zhou Mi’s name in one issue. Kyuhyun’s score on a fashionable level was somewhere south of what she’d like, so having been clothes shopping with a woman who looked like a model was making her want to keep her mouth shut on the subject too deeply.
“Sort of,” Zhou Mi murmured. “We have fashion spreads, and other articles. I’m working up to helping wardrobe with those, so it’s nice to see.”
“Everyone says you look like a model,” she said. And Zhou Mi’s lips curved.
“I was, for a while. Some girls have it so hard. People in power asking things of them. When I got out, I swore it’d never be me, or anyone I worked with. I enjoy putting together outfits, but sometimes I do miss walking the runway.”
“They-“ She tried to imagine some guy trying to force Zhou Mi for some illicit favor for her career. “That’s horrible. Did you have to- I’m sorry. Sorry, I shouldn’t-“
“It’s okay. No, I didn’t. I was lucky. I did everything I needed, but I could only do so much. Thank you. For caring.”
She was angry, sad, disgusted. Modeling, even what she knew of it, could be so hard. And here was Zhou Mi, who smiled and laughed. Who was okay, who hadn’t had to face some of the hardships others had. But some of them. Too many of them. And Kyuhyun had just stirred it up for her.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, and squeezed Zhou Mi’s fingers.
And tried to pay attention to the movie, as Zhou Mi’s head settled on her shoulder. After a breathless moment, she let her cheek rest against the top of Zhou Mi’s head. A comfort, maybe. Zhou Mi’s hair silky against her face. And when the movie was over, she missed the contact. As Zhou Mi offered her mouthwash in lieu of a toothbrush, and Kyuhyun missed the contact they had forged during the movie fiercely when she climbed back into the bed and suddenly didn’t have a Zhou Mi leaning against her. Cool, and almost lonely, even knowing Zhou Mi was barely a foot away. How did she get used to that in the space of an hour? Her brain was on drugs without her knowledge, she swore it. And the room descended into darkness, only light through the curtain breaking it up.
Zhou Mi giggled, shifting the whole bed with her laughter. “There’s something about turning off the light and hearing laughs and whispers that makes me remember sleepovers. It’s like we’re seven, all over again.”
Kyuhyun breathed out slowly. Zhou Mi in no way made her feel seven. In no way.
“I don’t want this to sound wrong, but I’m kind of glad no one else was able to come.” Zhou Mi’s voice was soft, intimate. Close. “I really enjoy spending time with them, but I’m so glad we got to have time together.”
“I had a lot of fun. And, I got some great boots.”
Zhou Mi laughing next to her, boots. She knew which was most important.
“I’ll look forward to see you wear them,” Zhou Mi sighed. And it coiled something raw and hot inside her. Yeah, maybe part of it was lust. She just wanted Zhou Mi to mean that in so many different ways. Look forward to Kyuhyun seeing her wear them for her, and also because they looked nice, or because Zhou Mi liked them and thought she looked nice in them.
“Hopefully I live up to how nice they are,” she joked, trying to deflect some of the rising confusion in her. She wasn’t used to it, dealing with a crush so directly, without filters of people and time. Like her heart was bumping out of her chest every time Zhou Mi spoke, weighing every word. Zhou Mi wanted to spend time with her, and she wanted to laugh until her body clutched with it, and cry from wondering how to deal with it. She had to figure out how to deal, or she’d just explode, or say something. She wasn’t sure what was worse.
But Zhou Mi made a soothing sound, a throaty chuckle like Kyuhyun had never heard. ‘’I think the boots have to live up to you. They’re nice, but you’re beautiful.”
Kyuhyun struggled a moment for that thing known as breathing. “You work for a fashion magazine. There are a lot of people who’d look way better in them than me.”
“No. Because I see them. A lot of them, they’re made beautiful. You just are.”
She felt glued to the mattress, not even able to move. “And if I had my eyelids done? Or-“
“You aren’t your eyelids. I see so much that’s glittery and beautiful and fake. I think you’re more perfect than all of them.”
“Thank you? I think. I don’t know what to say.”
“Will you answer a question?” Zhou Mi asked. And Kyuhyun watched as she half sat up, the bare skin of her shoulders gleaming from the window’s light. “Have you ever dated a woman?”
Her heart seemed to pause. “What?”
Zhou Mi’s head dipped a moment, seeking out Kyuhyun’s hand and gripping it tightly. “Sometimes you stare at me when you think I can’t see. And the stories I heard, made me think think. I wondered- You don’t know how different you are. I’m sorry if I misunderstood. I think you’re amazing.”
“I don’t…” The denial was right there on her tongue. Deny everything. Cry off. She couldn’t acknowledge her crush, after being so blatantly called out on it. Thrilled, horrified, sick, brain buzzing too fast to get a sane thought through. “You like me?”
Her question came out but was barely voiced, too started by the face near hers. The nose, brushing hers. The mouth, remnants of some sticky sweet gloss, clinging to hers. And Zhou Mi pulling back with a fluttering laugh.
“I like you, very much.”
And Zhou Mi repeated it in Mandarin, against Kyuhyun’s throat, one of the few things Kyuhyun knew.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t.
She pushed Zhou Mi back with a babble of words. “It’s okay. You don’t have to- I’m not? We should just…”
If only she hadn’t been able to see. If the dark had concealed everything, the beginning sad pout in the set of Zhou Mi’s mouth, the solemn eyes. If Kyuhyun’s hands hadn’t been on Zhou Mi’s neck, or her shoulder. If Zhou Mi’s face hadn’t changed at the movement of her fingers, touches against skin too perfect to be real.
“Zhou Mi.”
Zhou Mi’s hand lifted, one finger still adorned by that red-stoned ring, fingers brushing light against her sensitive inner wrist. At the hitching of her breath, Kyuhyun closed her eyes. Should’ve buried her face in the pillow, taken back her hands, knocked them out of that awkward, breathless moment. Stopped it. Definitely before the second kiss. That was her fault. It didn’t matter who leaned in, whose stiff neck caused their faces to bump together, who couldn’t figure out how to get her stupid mouth to move to even just enjoy it.
But she did, as Zhou Mi stroked her side, letting her mouth soften against Zhou Mi’s. Cupping the back of Zhou Mi’s head, the silky hair between her fingers. She was kissing Zhou Mi. And the power in that thought nearly stole her breath. She likes you. And she whimpered. Just make it not stop. She didn’t want to wake up.
Zhou Mi pulled back again and the denial, the bleated plea, was so close to the surface that the hand cupping her breast had her gasping. Zhou Mi was looking at her, like it was a question, or a test, but also a pleasure. Perfect, Zhou Mi mouthed against her cheek. The touch that was tentative became firm, and her hand tightened in Zhou Mi’s hair. The soft exclamation from Zhou Mi was like some kind of fire, and it broke every lock inside her.
“I had no idea how to tell you,” she babbled, heat roaring up her neck to flood her face. “I didn’t know if you-“
“I know. Kyuhyun. I know.”
The lushness of Zhou Mi’s bottom lip between hers, the curve of her sliding from butt to soft skin of her lower back. She wished all the cloth on them out of existence, so she could feel the silken weight of Zhou Mi’s breasts against skin, to breathe against her, chest to chest, legs twining, arousing. The kisses were perfect, sexy, soft, urgent, sweet. One begging for the next, as their hands skimmed fabric, skin. She was enchanted by the dip of Zhou Mi’s waist, under her shoulder blades, the way stroking her throat made Zhou Mi sigh. And her mind flooded with too many things. Warnings, urges. She’d had Zhou Mi’s tongue in her mouth, ass in her hands, what exactly was there to hide about what she wanted? Unless Zhou Mi was just carelessly horny, and Kyuhyun was so sure she wasn’t that kind of an idiot to misread it so hastily. Her fingers skimmed the lacy edge of Zhou Mi’s underwear, teasing the tendon at the inside of Zhou Mi’s thigh with breathless wondering.
Zhou Mi making a plea of her name, the slide of Zhou Mi’s thigh against her hip. Room to slide her fingers against Zhou Mi’s underwear. Warm. Familiar enough with her own body, a woman’s body, to recognize that what she felt through cloth, was warmth and wet. Promise. Proof. She teased, wishing the cloth wasn’t there to stop her from dipping into that heat instead of just flirting with it. But she’d never seen anything so sexy, so sensual, as Zhou Mi sighing, neck arching, because of the touch, eyes almost unfocused before they kissed. Her throat was too tight to speak, too many things she wanted to say, and couldn’t figure out how to.
Zhou Mi was wrong, she wasn’t perfect. But she wanted, so much. Zhou Mi moved her hips against the heel of Kyuhyun’s hand, her fingers still pressing designs against the damp contours between Zhou Mi’s legs. Urgency in soft sounds, Zhou Mi’s hand covering hers, urging her to press harder, rock faster. Kyuhyun herself was trembling, overwrought, when Zhou Mi sobbed out Kyuhyun’s name, the orgasm rocking her into Kyuhyun’s body.
So quick. Zhou Mi’s face a halo of pleasure.
She’d just rubbed Zhou Mi to an orgasm. Zhou Mi’s leg was still over her hip, hand still clutching hers. She wanted to crow with joy. She wanted to hump the nearest stable object. She wanted to kiss Zhou Mi. And maybe do all three things at the same time.
The smiling mouth that had drawn her, warm against hers, fingers sending chills down her spine as Zhou Mi stroked her side. And the kisses they shared then sent chills through her, the cloth she wore, not enough, the only kisses she’d ever had like that. She wanted. She wanted.
Zhou Mi’s whisper, wet against her mouth. “Kyuhyun, so beautiful.”
Long fingers against her thigh, the slick slide of the ring on Zhou Mi’s finger, trying to keep her own hands out of the way.
She nearly came, at the touch of those elegant fingers between her legs. Quivering right on the edge, where just a moment more would have dissolved her. She’d never been that sensitive, that quick, that turned on. Like she would die without a touch, bracing herself, breathing in and humming against Zhou Mi’s kiss. No teasing, she wouldn’t have lasted, hips twisting to give Zhou Mi access, to touch just a little harder, fingers rubbing circles that got sweeter, tighter, knowing exactly where to touch, how to make her keen, until she couldn’t breathe. And everything crumbled, the tightness of her body trying to hold Zhou Mi right there, giving way to shudders, grasping at Zhou Mi’s arm and moaning as Zhou Mi soothed her. Feeling how wet she was even against that touch, and feeling Zhou Mi smile against her cheek as she breathed, deep and hard. Sighing as Zhou Mi cupped one of her breasts, dipping to kiss what she could of it, before kissing Kyuhyun’s neck, her face. She was lax and warm, and Zhou Mi held her, her thigh silk against Kyuhyun’s. The lingering glow of pleasure, the quiet strokes against her back. Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi.
“Did you mean tonight to be a date?” she asked, the realization that Zhou Mi had liked her, for who knew how long. Had she been showing up, for Kyuhyun, to see Kyuhyun? Wondering if Kyuhyun liked her back, trying to engage her.
Zhou Mi seemed to hesitate. “I was going to be happy no matter how it turned out. But I hoped? I had so much fun.”
“But me?”
“You,” Zhou Mi said, squeezing her fingers.
“Why?”
Zhou Mi laughed, and repeated all the things she’d already said, until Kyuhyun had to stop her, her head expanding too fast to keep up. Zhou Mi’s opinion of her was so inflated that she wanted to protest that Zhou Mi was in bed with the wrong person.
She got some of her own in, protesting that it was Zhou Mi who was beautiful, and that Kyuhyun had wanted to see her, too. But their conversation faltered, tiredness seeping in. And she heard Zhou Mi slip into sleep. She stayed awake a little while, too full to do little else.
But her consciousness drooped like a flag, as sweetly as the sheet that was settled over them.
***
Kyuhyun woke alone, sighing as she pressed her face into the pillow and rubbed her toes against the bottom sheet. And she had to curve her arm over her head for extra protection as the smile wouldn’t be tamped down, remembering the kisses, and the way that -when she had woke once during the night - Zhou Mi had cuddled against her side. The smile faded a little as she wondered what she was going to do. What she was going to say. Was that it, or was there more? Did they start dating, hanging out, making out? How did they tell their friends?
She swallowed her sound of frustration, and rolled out of bed. Her folded clothes were just where she’d left them, and she sent a wary eye around the room and crept into the bathroom. Washing up a little, and trying to get her head on straight. Clothes felt like armor, slicking down her sleep-and-making-out-mussed hair. Zhou Mi’s kisses, her hands.
Hearing Zhou Mi say she liked her.
Her insides were a series of cheering squads and, “oh, fuck, what do I do.”
And the plan was, emerging from the bathroom, to go find Zhou Mi. To be nonchalant, normal. To say good morning, and maybe give a cheeky grin. To be the calm, cool, collected Kyuhyun who was an adult and a rational human being. And go from there. Maybe ask Zhou Mi for a date, or something. Or ask for a kiss to make sure Kyuhyun hadn’t dreamed it all the night before? Dreaming about making out with her friend while sleeping next to her, well. Okay, she was just stalling with that.
All her plans faded and leaked out of her ears, not two steps out of the room. Seeing Zhou Mi’s head rise, and turn toward her at the sound. The cup of tea beside Zhou Mi’s elbow, the ebook reader she held. All her words, her greetings, faded right out of her throat. Maybe if Zhou Mi hadn’t looked at her. Face scrubbed of makeup, hair still slightly tousled. There was always something in those eyes that Kyuhyun could not define, some inner light despite the circumstances. Dancing. And Kyuhyun felt momentarily unworthy.
“Good morning,” Zhou Mi said, in the midst of her internal panic mid-freeze. She was too afraid her face had settled on “panicked deer” instead of “confident woman on a morning after.”
“Good morning,” she said on reflex, her voice a little hoarser than she’d have liked. “I need to…check my phone.”
Yes. Because putting off being a human being for two minutes was going to make everything that much easier. Her purse was right where she’d left it, by the door, beside her shopping bags. And she fumbled for her phone, crouching, trying not to breathe loud enough for three countries to hear her. Of course, nothing had happened while she was away. No urgent emails, no voicemails, no text messages. It wasn’t like she was looking for some reason to get away, just something to talk about. Something that wasn’t just her, on display, in Zhou Mi’s apartment, and trying not to make a fool of herself.
She nearly cheered, when a sparkle caught her. Zhou Mi’s earrings. She could’ve laughed, taking them carefully out of the pocket she’d tucked them in. They were the little stars, dangling and bright. She wanted them to bring her good luck, that was for certain. Zhou Mi was smiling, with her mouth curved, but it wasn’t nearly as bright. Even Kyuhyun could see it, and she knew why. Her little evasion maneuvers had not been the way Zhou Mi had expected to be greeted, and the walls of caution were going up. All was well and good in the heat of the moment, but they were both adults. They both knew there were mistakes, regrets. Zhou Mi’s knees were drawn up, feet curved over the edge of the couch. Knees just a bit knobbier than they should’ve been, maybe. It swamped her with affection.
“Your earrings,” Kyuhyun said, dangling them, and smiling. Tucking her hair back behind her ear, and tucking her leg up beneath her to sit beside Zhou Mi on the little couch. “You left them at my place.”
“Ohh,” Zhou Mi said softly. “It was mostly on accident.”
“Gave me another reason to hope to see you again,” Kyuhyun admitted. And she laid the earrings in Zhou Mi’s offered hand. When Zhou Mi’s fingers had curved over them, Kyuhyun let hers tighten there, around Zhou Mi’s hand. And it took all her strength to look up. Zhou Mi’s smile was like being wrapped in sunlit sparkles.
It was easy then, to lean. Zhou Mi’s lips warm and sweet against hers, arms around her back as they folded together. A hug that was full of laughter, and mumbled greetings. All her worries, plans, tangled together, rolled away like a ball of yarn, leaving just a trail of it in its wake. She had to figure out how to run after it, eventually.
But she figured she could count on Zhou Mi to help. Fingers tangled, wrapping it all up, together.
And making something beautiful out of it.
***
***
A/N: Who do I blame for this... Oh, me, that's right. Mostly because I said to tell me no, and NO ONE DID. This is one of those random side projects. /shrugs forever. Thanks to everyone who read it and didn't bury me under a rock, and wobaozhewo for not running away. Only one variation of this pairing I haven't written now. Stay tuned...for more boys.
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairing: Girl!Zhou Mi/Girl!Kyuhyun (both girls, just fyi, please don't miss that part)
Rating: R
Warnings: sexual situations, GIRLS
Genre: GIRLS, fluff
In which no one tells me no, and I acknowledge I should stick to what I know. o/
***
Kyuhyun honestly should’ve hated her. It wasn’t like she enjoyed having her free time interrupted, getting asked out on banal dates that she turned down after the first time out. Going out with her friends was more interesting, it was just that it took a lot of work. Women wanted to look good for each other, or so she was told, which was problematic, in that she had to dress and make herself up to a certain standard or else feel like the poodle someone had invited along instead. Her hair would’ve done that to her, sadly.
But Zhou Mi, she was a friend of a friend. She had legs that went up to her chin, a short odd-angled haircut that would’ve made any other face look wretched, and an infectious smile. Basically, she was gorgeous, which meant that had she been in possession of a more generously sized pair of tits, any woman would’ve been within their right to deport her. Zhou Mi made Kyuhyun’s life hard, because suddenly the standards had been raised. And even when Kyuhyun told herself very fiercely in the mirror that she didn’t care, well. She kept trying.
And with all that going for her, Zhou Mi should’ve been the haughtiest bitch on the face of the planet, lording it over all the mortals around her whose thighs may have jiggled a little putting on their pants. Or, possibly that was just Kyuhyun. But her personality went along with the smile, and a giggle, a wicked sense of humor, and eyes that got huge and concerned whenever anyone brought up a problem in their life. The second outing Zhou Mi had been invited along on had been a movie, and Zhou Mi had been two people away from her. And she’d had at least three people offering her tissues as she’d started quietly sobbing at the movie.
Kyuhyun had made do with blinking rapidly.
The next movie had been a horror film, and she thought secretly that Zhou Mi had been laughing at them.
***
She was Kyuhyun. She had dark hair, no shocker, that she occasionally highlighted on the whim of the person who trimmed her hair. She liked it long, that she could slick it into a ponytail and get it out of her face and not be one of those girls always fiddling with it. Or at least fiddling less. It suited her lifestyle, that was the thing. She hated her thighs, and had apparently just this much more hip and butt than any other girl her exact height and weight which made finding pants a trial from the bowels of hell. When she actually found a pair of jeans that did not cut off circulation to her hipbones or legs, and made her butt not look saggy or bulbous? She could’ve kissed the attendant. And bought three pairs, all her salary would allow.
Zhou Mi had different problems with finding jeans, they heard. They were all too short when she got them to fit her gorgeously sleek curves, or too big when they fit the length of her legs. Kyuhyun really rallied and tried to drum up sympathy in that regard. But that was, according to Zhou Mi, why she didn’t wear pants very often. Breezy skirts, yes. Leggings with tunics that made Kyuhyun green with envy, sure. Of course, the pants Kyuhyun had seen bordered on skin tight and with the bright colored heels, made Zhou Mi look like the Eiffel Tower.
Kyuhyun had never been to Paris. But she did have those legs sprawled all over her, as Zhou Mi fled from a debate, laughing against Kyuhyun’s neck. Half in her lap.
“Save me,” Zhou Mi pleaded, peeking around the back of Kyuhyun’s head.
“From what?” Kyuhyun asked, a little put out by the fact that Zhou Mi smelled like some kind of vanilla cake.
“She wants me to burn all of my leopard print,” Zhou Mi said, still gulping from her impromptu run.
“No one needs a leopard print bra!”
Kyuhyun flushed, as the words rang out in the restaurant and all of her friends started laughing uproariously.
“See, Kyuhyun agrees,” Zhou Mi said, taking Kyuhyun’s silence as acquiescence, the fainted hint of a lilt in her words. “I’ll just stay here and talk to you.”
There was that smile again, Zhou Mi leaning over Kyuhyun to reach for her drink that was being passed down. It smelled of mangoes and strawberries, and floated along with the vanilla, and Kyuhyun had a slightly terror of what her breath was like, reaching for her own drink of rum and coke, and kind of nursed it. Realizing it’d make her teeth brown. Maybe she should’ve opted for water.
It wasn’t like they’d never talked. Even when Zhou Mi had taken back her legs and arms, she was still close, and touching. Kyuhyun saw her with the others, the girls she’d been friends with first. Touching a shoulder, a hand, an elbow. Leaning into them as she laughed like she was trying to infuse them with it, or draw power to keep on laughing, one. And it wasn’t about the way that the stars dangled and glittered from Zhou Mi’s ears, or the shine of her nail polish. Zhou Mi was engaging, comfortable. She made anyone feel like her friend. And for Kyuhyun who hadn’t really made friends so easily, it was lulling, and nice, and made her forget that she should hate Zhou Mi so much, and then be glad she was around. Having that kind of way, that made anyone want to keep talking to her. Zhou Mi probably had twenty seven best friends, and guys lining up from six countries trying to get at her.
Okay, that was probably just Kyuhyun’s overactive imagination, sometime during the night as she flopped onto a different pillow for the hundredth time and wondering how it was possible to dream in fucking leopard print.
***
It was coffee, that time, Zhou Mi breezing in on a puff of cold air. Hugging Eunhyuk as she sat down on that side of the table with her newly boughten cup.
“How is everyone?” she asked, beaming from face to face, eventually to Kyuhyun as well. Everyone made their answers, and Kyuhyun nodded along, a little distracted by the way that Zhou Mi’s earrings swung. Pretty, that day. Pearls in an intricate golden swirl that danced against her neck as she spoke.
It wasn’t as though she looked for envy. Envying Zhou Mi’s personality, or the ease with which she wore herself. Her clothes or accessories. Sometimes, it was just hard to look away from a person who seemed to bring life to the room. Even amidst the discussion of yet another world event that had them moaning, talking about their parents.
“We should go see another movie soon, together. Get away from real life for a little while,” Eunhyuk said.
“Oh, there’s the new comedy playing, isn’t there?”
“I saw that the other day,“ Kyuhyun said. And when everyone stared, she excused herself. “I was bored and out, and everyone was busy!”
“Oh. Oh.” Eunhyuk smiled at Donghae over the table. “I know why she went alone. The actress she likes is in it.”
“Oh, Kyuhyun had to have her alone time to savor. That just means you want to see it again, right?” Donghae asked, elbowing her and laughing.
“Which actress?” Zhou Mi asked, curiously.
“Kyuhyun’s crush. Ow!”
Donghae rubbed her arm where Kyuhyun had pinched it, heat flooding her face. And took it upon herself to explain what actress she was being teased about, so the others couldn’t add any weird bits. So she thought that person was extraordinarily attractive, so what? It wasn’t like it had to mean anything. She wasn’t afraid for others to know she found girls attractive, and she’d never stopped her friends from speaking about it. She wasn’t sure why it affected her quite that much, for Zhou Mi to listen in on their banter. And it wasn’t like she could figure out what Zhou Mi thought of it, Zhou Mi looking between them with interest.
“So when should we all go see it?” Kyuhyun asked.
They settled on a day, and that was that. She shoved the feeling to the back of her head, and sipped her coffee. And looked forward to the outing with more anticipation than she realized.
***
Kyuhyun came into realization of the crush, as it were, when she rattled off something Zhou Mi had told her apparently for the third time in an hour. Eunhyuk had giggled and said it was cute how Kyuhyun did that. Kind of like she had a crush.
Kyuhyun had hur-hur-ed her way out of that one, but the words ping-ponged around in her head all the way home. Happier when Zhou Mi was there, maybe making the jokes she made at the others a little bit wittier than usual. Stupidly happy when Zhou Mi sat next to her, talking to her until the very last second they had to split apart. Talking about her. Kyuhyun blanched, realizing she’d even mentioned Zhou Mi to her mother. Who had obviously thought nothing of it, just another of Kyuhyun’s little friends. Her mother, who would never know about the girls she’d dated.
Just a stupid joke. Clearly all in her imagination. She just really enjoyed Zhou Mi’s company, that was all.
She cleaned her entire bedroom, showered, answered boring emails, and fell into bed. Idly rubbing the front of her panties and wondering if she was too tired for an orgasm that she indulged most nights. Stress relief, she’d argued at one point. Just being a pervert, she acknowledged at other times. She sighed, and cupped a breast, thinking full steam ahead. The image of Zhou Mi’s mouth curving had her eyes opened with terror, focusing on the ceiling. Sure, she had fantasies, and if she was honest, maybe Zhou Mi had featured in the abstract a few times. Just vague enough to keep her brain from spasming, but just graphic enough to get her off. And usually with other people involved. If that made it better. Because an orgy was so much less threatening.
But if she had a crush, if she had feelings, then getting off to Zhou Mi’s face was…
Was…
She tried to smother herself in her pillow.
She dreamed about frogs and some kind of audit at work, and woke with her failed masturbation at the forefront of her thoughts. Still dazed by sleep, she rubbed gently, rocking into her fingers. Zhou Mi laughing, curling around her. Mouth wet against Kyuhyun’s neck. Kissing the winging collar bones, to the gentle swell of her breasts. Zhou Mi saying her name.
The thought of kissing Zhou Mi. It had her tense, gasping. The orgasm quick, like a bubble, there and gone, almost too quick to enjoy. The fact that it had been there at all? She rolled over, moaned softly into the mattress, and kept a hand cupped protectively over her throbbing sex. She could think with her head, not her hormones. And kept in mind that if she’d been thinking with her hormones only, she’d have been getting off to explicit thoughts of Zhou Mi for weeks, instead of just sort of perking up whenever she came around. Her mind had been way ahead of her body. And that was the scariest thing of all.
***
Kyuhyun did what she always did when she had a crush and wanted no one to know about it.
She pretended that Zhou Mi didn’t exist.
Being around her friends made it especially hard. There had been a big confession moment not long after she’d gotten her first real job, when she’d admitted she was attracted to some girls. They’d all met her male dates in the past, and there had been double dates, so it wasn’t as though she was exclusively into girls. But it was hard to deny it when she had been with a few. The girl in college had been her longest relationship to date, and had left her with a sort spot in her heart that lingered even then. So they knew that she wasn’t into them. But if she suddenly started acting weird, when Eunhyuk clearly was already sort of seeing things? It was only going to make a big arrow over her head that said “Kyuhyun has a CRUSH on a GIRL. Also that girl is Zhou Mi, please pass the water?”
Sure, that would fly over with no pause at all.
So, maybe she laughed a hint too hysterically at a joke, and deliberately avoided looking at Zhou Mi except in cases where she was 1000% sure no one was seeing her. It made for some near-miss eye-catchings, and the next week when Zhou Mi had taken a seat beside her, Kyuhyun’s head had been stuck in the forward position, hiding behind a curtain of her hair. If Zhou Mi had taken anything away from the conversation about Kyuhyun’s little “crush” on an actress, she had no idea. But the not knowing made things even more weird in her head. She still spoke, of course, contributing to the conversation about how ridiculous the subway was, and what they were doing for a combined birthday dinner. And more or less generally feeling like she was a 13 year old with a pimple on her chin, trying to not be noticed by her crush who sat two seats over in class.
Or in this case, Zhou Mi, who was laughing, leaning into Kyuhyun’s shoulder. Her fingers, one adorned with some flashy red ring, were splayed against Kyuhyun’s knee, supporting herself. She glanced over, unable to stop, eyes catching on Zhou Mi’s laughing mouth, and following the point of her chin, down. Down, where Zhou Mi’s loose shirt had gapped at the low collar. It gave her a second, no more, an eyeful of cleavage, pale breasts cupped in black, and the animal print that haunted her dreams. Even as her eyes flicked away, the thoughts of sliding that cloth down, pressing kisses to the swell of Zhou Mi’s- She crossed her arms over her own chest, almost in defense against what she’d imagined doing to Zhou Mi. And Kyuhyun had thoughts of what would happen if she just bonelessly slid under the table and out some handy drain.
She kept both hands firmly around her ice water glass after, both for something to focus on, and something to keep her hands busy. Since Zhou Mi seemed to like to squeeze them. And she was still stupid, hanging around until almost everyone had left, like some dark-aura-ed ninny. But not nearly confident enough to stay until it was just her, and Zhou Mi. Going home, and doing what she always did, and making it several days, before the want swamped her. Stupid. She missed Zhou Mi, and saw her every week. Missed talking to her. Touching herself didn’t even make her feel guilty. It just made her want.
At the noraebang, their bags crammed with snacks and drinks, they warbled for hours. Kyuhyun finally accepted a cup of soju as everyone else started getting sloshed and making stupid mistakes on songs as they laughed and giggled and shouted. A parade of grown women making blessed fools of themselves, and Kyuhyun wanted none of them except for the one currently standing and laughing, and trying to get someone to stand and sing with her. Zhou Mi was different. Different like the girl Kyuhyun’s first year of college, or the one she’d crushed on in middle school, or-
“Kyuhyun hasn’t sang in a while!”
She grunted, almost squealed, as she was pushed up off the couch, almost stumbling into the low table as she tottered to her feet.
“Kyuhyun, sing this with me?” Zhou Mi urged, handing her the extra mic.
The song was catchy, chirpy, one of the popular girl group numbers that someone had to be literally under a rock to escape. She knew it well, though, laughing and tapping her foot as Zhou Mi wiggled next to her. Of course, if she hadn’t been singing, she’d have been able to watch. Their voices blended, as different as they were. And she had to focus on the mic and the words, not to look over and stare at Zhou Mi’s face. Which was undoubtedly shining as she sang, and it had nothing to do with the lights in the room.
And Kyuhyun needed to stop with the alcohol immediately.
But they both got booed as the score that came up was the highest of the night, Zhou Mi holding up Kyuhyun’s hand in victory and pouring more soju into her cup.
***
They were all mostly steady as they got onto the subway. They moved like some roaming pack of laughter, moving along the stops as first one of them - sober enough - peeled off to go home, then two more. One who was a little too drunk required some assistance. And Kyuhyun could’ve begged off, since there were three of them to help, her and Zhou Mi and Donghae. But the way Zhou Mi was giggling meant she wasn’t really fully sober herself. The next subway stop had her and Zhou Mi alone, propped together on the seats. Her stop was one beyond Zhou Mi’s. She’d never let herself think about it, much. Whether they’d accidentally meet on the train.
“I don’t wanna go back,” Zhou Mi said, her head resting back against the wall. “My apartment has all these stairs. Like going up a mountain.”
“Mine has an elevator,” Kyuhyun helpfully supplied.
Very deliberately and precisely, Zhou Mi spoke, like she was trying to be more sober than she felt. “Would you mind if I stayed with you? I could’ve asked Donghae. If forg- Ahem. Forgot? Please? I’ll get you breakfast.”
With sugar on top. Kyuhyun wasn’t sure which part of her brain agreed, but it did. She did. And was equal parts almost blitzed with pleasure, and pretty sure she hadn’t drank enough to take an edge off her anxiety.
Kyuhyun buzzed ahead of Zhou Mi into the apartment, both of them quiet on the ride up after Zhou Mi had complimented the area she lived in. Comfortable enough. Close to the subway, anyway. Kyuhyun was less concerned about clutter, and more hoping she didn’t have underwear scattered, or bras hanging on the back of the door, or too much crap on her bathroom counters or something. It checked out, and she sent Zhou Mi in first, getting her pajamas and plotting the end of the world. She didn’t have a couch. She could make herself a nest on the floor and let Zhou Mi have the bed, or was that weird? Or they could share.
“I love your soap!” Zhou Mi exclaimed, tottering out of the bathroom on bare, bare legs up to the edge of her miniskirt. “Your apartment is so nice.”
“Thanks. Um. Did you- The bed is pretty big, if you didn’t mind…?”
“Oh, yes,” Zhou Mi said. “Can I get a drink of water?”
Kyuhyun would’ve gotten it for her, but Zhou Mi insisted, and Kyuhyun changed into her pajamas. Sometimes she slept in just shorts and a tank top, but she had full on pants that night. Armor, of some kind. She almost considered leaving on her bra, but the war between covered and comfortable eventually erred on the former. It wasn’t like the tank top showed anything. She’d slid under the covers after asking if Zhou Mi needed anything, leaving the bedside light on on that side for her. And looking over, she intended to make sure everything was okay.
She saw, all right. Saw Zhou Mi shimmying down her skirt, dark blue underwear clinging. And that was all she saw, her hands covering her face so fast she nearly hurt her nose, mumbling “I can’t do this” directly into her palms.
“What?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Nothing,” she croaked, and turned to press into her pillow. Maybe Zhou Mi would just pass out.
“I’m glad I got to come stay with you,” Zhou Mi said, and Kyuhyun heard it even through her suffocation. “You’ve been so quiet the last couple of weeks, but I didn’t want to ask you what was wrong in front of the others. I know…I know we haven’t been close, but if you need to talk, ever?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Kyuhyun said softly, lifting her face just enough to speak. “You can turn off the light.”
Zhou Mi did, turning back to her, and the effect wasn’t what Kyuhyun had hoped. Gleaming cat eyes from the window’s light, shading her mouth, catching the sparkle of the second stud in her ear.
What speaking was there to do, besides the whole, I think I have a crush on you that’s so stupid and ridiculous, and you’re gorgeous, and in my bed, and what kind of leopard print bra is it, exactly? thing.
Having Zhou Mi that close was like brushing her teeth with a glacier. It froze her inside, mentholated bloodstream as Zhou Mi whispered, her words unstudied and stumbled, and just the slightest bit impaired, almost lisping. Like some kind of siren, and Kyuhyun was embarrassed by the thought.
“I like spending time with you. Kyuhyun… Um. Gui…Guixian, it would be? Yes. Thank you, Guixian.”
“Sure,” she said. And her voice wavered as Zhou Mi’s hand stroked her arm from elbow to wrist. Their fingers tangled, Kyuhyun’s awkward and unsure, but with a sigh, Zhou Mi relaxed. So close. Maybe it had just been a crush, and yeah she could see the curve of Zhou Mi’s shoulder, and she wanted. But it made her wistful, the sweetest aching pain of something unrequited.
And, before she fell asleep and she remembered everything that night, she decided that her taste was spot on. Spot on.
***
Kyuhyun was a self-professed deep sleeper. And she showed that to herself that night in that she didn’t wake up every five minutes freaking out that Zhou Mi was sleeping next to her. And waking up the next morning, it wasn’t to see Zhou Mi running around half naked, but actually sitting on Kyuhyun’s side of the bed fully dressed.
“I just got a call from my mother, and I have to go,” Zhou Mi said, when Kyuhyun’s eyes had focused on her. Holding in the holy shit that wanted to escape her mouth at the fact that Zhou Mi was both right there, and right there seeing her in all of her just-barely-awake glory. Her hair. And Zhou Mi looked like she’d just been perfectly pressed. Kyuhyun vaguely remembered her feeling Zhou Mi shouldn’t be liked, but that was kind of put out of the universe as Zhou Mi leaned in with endless, awkward arms to hug her. “Sorry about missing breakfast. Next time, okay?”
“Sure.”
She should’ve gotten up, seen Zhou Mi to the door, but was too busy trying not to whimper from the kiss pressed to her cheek. And after she heard the outer door close, she covered her head with her pillow and shrieked into the mattress.
And again. The bed rocking her glory, her angst, whatever it was that was causing her the thrash and half sob and laugh at the same time. Breathless, she lay there, having knocked her pillow to the floor in her fit of getting her emotions out. And a flash caught her eye, her head popping up like a scenting hound.
Zhou Mi’s earrings on the bedside table. Not exactly the equivalent of leaving panties in a car, but. No, Zhou Mi had just forgotten them, that was all. But she felt lighter, anyway, as she rolled over. She knew why they called it a crush, because it was definitely crushing her, only it felt like it was from the inside out.
***
Kyuhyun kept herself busy that week, working. She didn’t have Zhou Mi’s cell phone number, and didn’t want to creep around seeing who did have it, so she hung the earrings quite carefully and tried not to stare at them too much when she was getting ready for work. The next time they all got together, she’d take them with her, and try to be subtle about giving them back. Not like they’d done anything wrong, or anything- Anything. She just had to keep remembering that.
Friday afternoon, and her being all set to hide in her room with perhaps some dark chocolate covered nuts and a book, had her checking a text message from a number she didn’t know.
“Hi~ It’s Zhou Mi! ^^ Eunhyuk gave me your number. Are you free tonight? ^^”
She nearly dropped the phone like it had bitten her, reading the words over and over. No, it wasn’t some kind of joke. Yes, Zhou Mi had really just texted to ask if she was free. No, it wasn’t a date. Zhou Mi was probably just bored, and they’d slept tog- in the same bed, and hung out, and for all Kyuhyun knew there were others invited, too. So there.
“Hey,” she typed back. “I’m free. What’s up?”
That didn’t sound too lame, she thought. But saved it as a draft, read it a minute later. And told herself, fuck it, and pushed send.
And then hastily added the number to her contact list. No hearts or anything, just Zhou Mi’s name. Just seeing it there made her kind of shudder.
Zhou Mi, it seemed, had some shopping in mind. Wandering around the fashionable shops and boutiques. Even if the actual message was followed by an incomprehensible “I wanna shopping~” which was kind of cute, in a messy sort of way.
Kyuhyun kept herself from asking if she was the only one invited, when they ironed out when and where to meet at the subway stop. And then she realized she had to figure out what to wear. She should’ve turned Zhou Mi down. But she still had to give her back the earrings. And what if she made a complete ass of herself? She held onto her phone like it was going to give her the key to all her troubles, and raced home to see what in her closet was suitable for a not-date-shopping-outing with the person she wanted to see the most out of, well. Almost everyone.
***
Zhou Mi was there, and alone, when Kyuhyun arrived, trying to look nonchalant even if her heart was going seventy seven times faster than the recommended limit. Kyuhyun knew this because of the temporary insanity caused by Zhou Mi smiling and waving.
“It’s just us,” Zhou Mi said, directing them toward street level. “I texted a few of the others, but they were all busy.”
“Stuck with me, then,” Kyuhyun offered, and kind of hoped that wasn’t the case.
“Lucky,” Zhou Mi insisted, and patted at her adorable knit cap to be sure of its place. “Did you have somewhere you wanted to go, or should I just start dragging you around?”
“You start, and I’ll see if I see anything,” Kyuhyun said, laughing. Knowing her, she’d probably make some totally obnoxious joke about lingerie, and have to hide in a sewer drain until she was 86, or until she had forgotten what had come out of her mouth in Zhou Mi’s presence. Whichever came first.
They wandered multiple levels of a clothing store, going between racks and shelves. She stared curiously at the perfectly dressed models decorating blank wall spaces, and tried to visualize whether she’d look even halfway normal in any of the clothes that Zhou Mi held up or examined.
“I’m really looking for a nice skirt to wear to work,” Zhou Mi said, waggling one that she was holding. Zhou Mi, who worked at a fashion magazine. Zhou Mi who clearly knew what was in more than Kyuhyun did. And it was obvious by then, that Zhou Mi could’ve shown up in a sack and it would’ve delighted Kyuhyun to no end. “Oh, but these shirts are really adorable.”
And Zhou Mi went from exclaiming over the shirt with the subtle pinstripes, to holding one of them up against Kyuhyun.
“Oh, you should try this on. I think it’d look really nice on you. Hmm, with those gray slacks you have?”
Kyuhyun obediently took the shirt with kind of numb hands, but Zhou Mi was already off searching for another find. Zhou Mi knew her slacks? Her head felt light and stupid, and her face felt like a red hot, and she just waited for her turn in the fitting room. She did all right with clothes, but being around Zhou Mi made her feel like she knew nothing at all.
She’d barely gotten it buttoned up before there was a tap on the door, Zhou Mi squeezing in with a laugh. “They’re so busy. Oh!” Zhou Mi tweaked the hem, checking where it sat on Kyuhyun’s shoulders. “Oh, it looks nice. You could wear it with anything, really. It really emphasizes your waist. You’re so lucky.”
Zhou Mi’s perfectly manicured, pink-nailed hand was rubbing up and down her side to show off just how the shirred seam emphasized her waist. Touching her. Had she been made of springs and cogs, a few of them would’ve melted down and started sproinging.
Red faces didn’t go with fashion statements. Zhou Mi slipped back out after Kyuhyun had gotten out some kind of agreement, and she carried the shirt with her like armor, buying it after Zhou Mi purchased her “I have to get it altered anyway” skirt choice. Part of her was sad she didn’t get to see Zhou Mi try it on and model it, but it was hard to be sad when Zhou Mi had touched her, and more or less complimented her.
“It’s hard not to buy everything,” Zhou Mi mourned. “So many of the clothes are nice. Cute for work, or dates, or anything.”
“Haha,” Kyuhyun heard herself saying and unable to stop it. “Not that I have dates to worry about.”
“Oh, I know, me too!”
They made the mistake of passing the shoes on their way out, the call of examining the options almost too much to resist. If she hadn’t been edging, Zhou Mi seemed to have been looking that way, too.
“Do we ever need more shoes?” Kyuhyun asked, trying not to touch the toe of a sweet looking heeled sandal.
“I always see the cute shoes and think how nice I could dress them up.” Of course Zhou Mi was gesturing to a bright yellow pump that Kyuhyun couldn’t even imagine coordinating. “Everyone else talks about their love lives, but you don’t seem to?"
If only Zhou Mi actually knew what Kyuhyun wanted, what kind of love life she was dreaming of, she probably wouldn't ask that question. Kyuhyun just shook her head. “I don’t have much luck that way. I figure- It’ll happen?”
Usually not how she wanted it to happen, but she’d dated. She wasn’t hopeless.
“Then we’ll hope together.”
She carried Zhou Mi’s little smile with her as they split up, walking through dress shoes and sports shoes. She settled firmly on a row of boots, one singing to her in particularly, soft brown leather, trim. Something that wouldn’t make her look like her legs were ten times wider.
“Can I help you with anything?” the attendant asked, clearly spotting a sale at her fingertips. Kyuhyun glanced around for Zhou Mi, and muttered her shoe size with a modicum of guilt.
She didn’t need boots. But why were they so gorgeous, and right there in front of her face?
The long, wide box was deposited next to a seat for her, and Zhou Mi arrived just in time for the top to be taken off.
“Oh my… I love boots so much,” Zhou Mi said. “Those are so gorgeous.”
Zhou Mi’s fingers tracing the leather had her heart tripping for a few moments, and she wiggled her foot out of her shoe. With socks and her skinny pants on, the boot fit perfectly. So she could wear them with pants, or with a skirt or something. And the heel, more so than on her cuter shoes, took her almost to Zhou Mi’s height. Not that she noticed, before she turned around. She sucked in a breath and focused on herself in the mirror, at least until she caught sight of Zhou Mi giving her very serious thumbs-up in the reflection. It was impossible to be down around her.
“That mean it’s a ten?” she asked, striking an awkward one-boot-on pose.
“At least twelve,” Zhou Mi corrected her. “You’re getting them?”
“It’s nice finding boots that fit, since, you know. I have calves.” She eyed Zhou Mi’s legs in a way that indicated that Zhou Mi might not. And she took another look at the price on the box, and winced. She could afford them. And they were gorgeous. Just, slightly more than she was used to paying for shoes. Okay, so there was more material in a boot. That counted for something.
Zhou Mi was rustling in her little purse somewhat determinedly, holding out a folded piece of paper. “Here, it’s a 20% off coupon on shoes. I get them all the time, since I think I own stock in the company. Please. If you don’t get them, I think I’ll cry.”
“Why would you do that to me?” Kyuhyun asked, hanging her head. And snatched the paper with a laugh. “This is your fault.”
“I’ll take responsibility, no problem,” Zhou Mi told her. And struck up a conversation with the attendant as Kyuhyun made sure of the other boot, and put back on her own shoes. A shirt, and a pair of boots. Not a bad outcome when she tended to find shopping to be harder than it had any right being. Zhou Mi seemed pumped by the purchases, pointing out some idol on a standing sign before leading Kyuhyun toward an alley.
“Oh, here!”
A makeup store. It was packed with women, and women with their boyfriends, so they were well in their place. Zhou Mi seemed to know where she was going, and Kyuhyun followed as Zhou Mi moved along the aisle, considering lipstick colors. “I really like this shade of pink,” Zhou Mi said, smiling up at her. “It’s darker than my natural color, so it just gives a little pop. What colors are your favorites?”
“I…” Kyuhyun stared back at the lines of colors and they all kind of ran together. “One of my favorites is kind of a peach… Pink, sort of like this one. It’s really sheer, almost a gloss.”
“I remember you wearing that!” Zhou Mi said, her eyes moving down Kyuhyun’s face. “Your lips are so nice, you could wear anything. There are girls at work who would do anything to have a mouth like yours.”
“Oh. I…”
Seem to be stuck staring like a complete jerkface. Though Zhou Mi didn’t seem to be doing much better, a brief look of shock crossing over her face before the smile came mostly back. Maybe not a compliment Zhou Mi handed out often. Even if Kyuhyun tried to brush it off as just an observation. Her mouth was one of her favorite features, after all. But Zhou Mi managed to save her from her own awkward, laughing softly and squeezing her arm.
“Sorry, who knows what to say to something like that? Did you teach yourself how to do your makeup?”
“Mostly. Tutorials? Friends?”
Actually, in her estimation, her makeup skills were slightly above those of a five year old making a break into her mother’s makeup bag. Okay, slightly above that, too, since she knew she could attain at the very least dramatic with her face, stopping short of garish or worse, a clown. She envied some of her friends for attaining that effortless makeup look that seemed to take her decades to get. Maybe it took them that long, too, who knew. She wasn’t sure she could endure a makeup tutorial with Zhou Mi, at least not while conscious. But Zhou Mi picked up lipstick, and a powder compact, and declared herself good. Which was a good thing, because Zhou Mi was going to get a Kyuhyun-on-the-floor. From fatigue, emotional and physical. Anyone forced to hide their crush while walking around with her being pretty, charming, and trying on clothes? This was supposed to be Kyuhyun’s push to lessen that awkward crush feeling, not ramp it up.
“Did we miss dinner?” Zhou Mi asked, staring at her cell phone in shock as they made it onto the sidewalk. “We… Kyuhyun! You know I can go for hours, why didn’t you say something? You must be starving.”
It was the wake of a storm, following after Zhou Mi. Even when she protested, said she should get back, Zhou Mi insisted that Kyuhyun had come out with her, that she still owed her a meal for letting her stay over. That, and Zhou Mi hooked her in by the elbow, linked arms as they stood in the chill deciding what way to go.
“I want to know what you like to eat,” Zhou Mi said, bumping into her shoulder. “Which way?”
All they had were street lights, and shop lights, and headlights. She could just see Zhou Mi’s earrings under the knit cap, the perfectly sculpted eyebrows. Smiling brown eyes. Zhou Mi kind of looked like she was in a painting, with all that weird lighting. Or a magazine, with her bags dangling. And there she was, Kyuhyun, staring just a second or two too long, in such earnest awe.
“I think my stomach just growled,” she announced, like it was an excuse for her idiocy. And she let her nose guide her, choosing one of the brightly lit restaurants inviting in shoppers. They collapsed into a tiny corner booth, arranging their legs carefully, though somehow the side of Zhou Mi’s knee kept coming to rest against hers. She got omelette rice, tea, and beer, watching as Zhou Mi ordered the same.
“I love eating at new places,” Zhou Mi said, her eyes scanning the walls, the other booths. “I always hope to find something new to love eating. And no, don’t tell me I can eat anything I want, because it’s not true!”
Since Kyuhyun had been about to say just that, she hid her laughter ineffectively.
“But I don’t starve myself,” Zhou Mi confided. “I really do eat a lot. I’m just naturally this way.”
“I’m naturally this way, too,” Kyuhyun mused wryly. Hello, butt, how are you.
“I always wished I looked like you,” Zhou Mi said, lips curving wickedly as she leaned closer. “Should we change bodies and see if we like having them as much as we think?”
Kyuhyun swallowed the last of the water she’d just sipped, rather than inhale it. Half choking into the back of her hand as having Zhou Mi’s body went through her mind in a totally different way than what Zhou Mi was implying.
She was still sputtering with what she hoped looked like laughter as their food and drinks were delivered. A very long draw of her beer was required, fanning her face as Zhou Mi thanked their waiter and smiled between Kyuhyun and their food.
Was it going to be the best meal ever? She could only hope.
***
Kyuhyun was ever so pleasantly buzzed as they made their way to the subway, the streets still crowded for the hour. Zhou Mi had taken her arm again, possibly for stability in her heels as they weaved between people. Dinner had been the settling she needed, to take the edge off her anxiety, and let her find the whole experience rather pleasant. Though she just hoped she didn’t remember something bad in the morning. They collapsed onto the subway car bench together, bags knocking as the doors hissed closed. Zhou Mi leaned a little harder into her.
“You should stay with me tonight. My bed is comfortable, and I have pajamas you can borrow. There’s this adorable coffee shop just around the corner, and- If you can’t, that’s fine. I just get carried away. But if you can?”
Kyuhyun didn’t have to consult her calendar to know she was free the next day. No other plans. No pressing needs. Maybe it was kind of bad judgement, and maybe if it’d been over the phone she might’ve refused. But Zhou Mi was there, so sunny and warm and eager, and all the rational and irrational brain cells in her body shouted at her to say yes. Just yes, anything to be around Zhou Mi a little more. Soak up just a little more laughter, subject herself to making a few more memories that would have her cringing at herself even years later.
But wasn’t it worth it, for one more smile?
It wasn’t like her weaknesses were secret to herself.
They picked up snacks and drinks on the way to Zhou Mi’s apartment, wandering around the convenience store isles and laughing at stupid things like stationery and random jars. The young attendant had clearly seen Zhou Mi before, and she chatted amiably. Kyuhyun managed to pay, only half dropping a bag of chips onto the floor with a muffled curse. But they’d made it up the stairs Zhou Mi had rightfully complained about, and through her front door. And Zhou Mi was so meticulously put together, that Kyuhyun almost expected to walk into some staggeringly gorgeous artist’s loft. Instead, it wasn’t too different than her own. A pretty pink throw blanket tossed over a table, a bowl of random bits and earrings, framed posters of Europe, fashionable women. It didn’t have to be spectacular to be fascinating, bookshelves dominating one wall and crammed full, a tiny desk with a laptop. Pictures of what she assumed was Zhou Mi’s family, a dog. She could’ve just stood and soaked it in for hours. It even smelled like Zhou Mi, kind of. What Kyuhyun imagined Zhou Mi to smell like, anyway.
The outer room kind of smelled like lemons, but Zhou Mi’s bedroom had the distinct smell of something else. Lilacs, if she had to choose a flower exactly. White lilacs, maybe. She considered that, as Zhou Mi shrugged out of her cropped black jacket, leaving her in the long, blue striped sweater and leggings. White lilacs. It just made her imagine white silk on Zhou Mi’s skin, kissing her thighs, her breasts.
“Something to sleep in… I don’t really like pajamas,” Zhou Mi apologized, rummaging in a drawer after she helped Kyuhyun to set the snacks on the bed. “I have some loose shorts and a tank top?”
“That’s fine.”
More than fine. Anything, to get Zhou Mi and silk out of her head. Zhou Mi showed her everything she could make use of in the bathroom, leaving with a slide of her fingers against Kyuhyun’s lower back.
Of course, the tank top that Zhou Mi offered was nice. And if she had been as thin in the torso, or had no breasts, it would’ve been. It wasn’t even near obscene, and the silky fabric was nice. It just came a little close to emphasizing everything she had. And there, her long hair became a blessing. Zhou Mi was still out of the room as she slid under the covers, the sheets cool against her legs as she covered herself.
They chose a movie from Zhou Mi’s collection, Zhou Mi curling next to her on top of the covers and eating their snacks. And Kyuhyun only spent a few moments considering Zhou Mi’s perfectly painted toes, pale pink to match her fingers. Slim, elegant feet. Hardly unexpected. But they disappeared under the sheet, Zhou Mi arranging her pillow and leaning close against Kyuhyun’s side. More of Zhou Mi enjoying contact. Feeling comfortable. Reason. What was that?
“I would’ve been so bad at ballet,” Zhou Mi moaned. “I would’ve fallen and broken myself before the first plie.”
“You’d have looked nice in the outfits, though.’’
“Thank you,” Zhou Mi said, squeezing her hand.
The hand holding just didn’t go away, Zhou Mi’s fingers occasionally adjusting, shifting. Keeping them from sweating against each other. Watching the photographer on the screen work his magic on the model he was shooting.
“These are the kinds of pictures your magazine does?” Kyuhyun asked. She’d seen it, obviously. Knew Zhou Mi worked at a fashion magazine, had actually looked for Zhou Mi’s name in one issue. Kyuhyun’s score on a fashionable level was somewhere south of what she’d like, so having been clothes shopping with a woman who looked like a model was making her want to keep her mouth shut on the subject too deeply.
“Sort of,” Zhou Mi murmured. “We have fashion spreads, and other articles. I’m working up to helping wardrobe with those, so it’s nice to see.”
“Everyone says you look like a model,” she said. And Zhou Mi’s lips curved.
“I was, for a while. Some girls have it so hard. People in power asking things of them. When I got out, I swore it’d never be me, or anyone I worked with. I enjoy putting together outfits, but sometimes I do miss walking the runway.”
“They-“ She tried to imagine some guy trying to force Zhou Mi for some illicit favor for her career. “That’s horrible. Did you have to- I’m sorry. Sorry, I shouldn’t-“
“It’s okay. No, I didn’t. I was lucky. I did everything I needed, but I could only do so much. Thank you. For caring.”
She was angry, sad, disgusted. Modeling, even what she knew of it, could be so hard. And here was Zhou Mi, who smiled and laughed. Who was okay, who hadn’t had to face some of the hardships others had. But some of them. Too many of them. And Kyuhyun had just stirred it up for her.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, and squeezed Zhou Mi’s fingers.
And tried to pay attention to the movie, as Zhou Mi’s head settled on her shoulder. After a breathless moment, she let her cheek rest against the top of Zhou Mi’s head. A comfort, maybe. Zhou Mi’s hair silky against her face. And when the movie was over, she missed the contact. As Zhou Mi offered her mouthwash in lieu of a toothbrush, and Kyuhyun missed the contact they had forged during the movie fiercely when she climbed back into the bed and suddenly didn’t have a Zhou Mi leaning against her. Cool, and almost lonely, even knowing Zhou Mi was barely a foot away. How did she get used to that in the space of an hour? Her brain was on drugs without her knowledge, she swore it. And the room descended into darkness, only light through the curtain breaking it up.
Zhou Mi giggled, shifting the whole bed with her laughter. “There’s something about turning off the light and hearing laughs and whispers that makes me remember sleepovers. It’s like we’re seven, all over again.”
Kyuhyun breathed out slowly. Zhou Mi in no way made her feel seven. In no way.
“I don’t want this to sound wrong, but I’m kind of glad no one else was able to come.” Zhou Mi’s voice was soft, intimate. Close. “I really enjoy spending time with them, but I’m so glad we got to have time together.”
“I had a lot of fun. And, I got some great boots.”
Zhou Mi laughing next to her, boots. She knew which was most important.
“I’ll look forward to see you wear them,” Zhou Mi sighed. And it coiled something raw and hot inside her. Yeah, maybe part of it was lust. She just wanted Zhou Mi to mean that in so many different ways. Look forward to Kyuhyun seeing her wear them for her, and also because they looked nice, or because Zhou Mi liked them and thought she looked nice in them.
“Hopefully I live up to how nice they are,” she joked, trying to deflect some of the rising confusion in her. She wasn’t used to it, dealing with a crush so directly, without filters of people and time. Like her heart was bumping out of her chest every time Zhou Mi spoke, weighing every word. Zhou Mi wanted to spend time with her, and she wanted to laugh until her body clutched with it, and cry from wondering how to deal with it. She had to figure out how to deal, or she’d just explode, or say something. She wasn’t sure what was worse.
But Zhou Mi made a soothing sound, a throaty chuckle like Kyuhyun had never heard. ‘’I think the boots have to live up to you. They’re nice, but you’re beautiful.”
Kyuhyun struggled a moment for that thing known as breathing. “You work for a fashion magazine. There are a lot of people who’d look way better in them than me.”
“No. Because I see them. A lot of them, they’re made beautiful. You just are.”
She felt glued to the mattress, not even able to move. “And if I had my eyelids done? Or-“
“You aren’t your eyelids. I see so much that’s glittery and beautiful and fake. I think you’re more perfect than all of them.”
“Thank you? I think. I don’t know what to say.”
“Will you answer a question?” Zhou Mi asked. And Kyuhyun watched as she half sat up, the bare skin of her shoulders gleaming from the window’s light. “Have you ever dated a woman?”
Her heart seemed to pause. “What?”
Zhou Mi’s head dipped a moment, seeking out Kyuhyun’s hand and gripping it tightly. “Sometimes you stare at me when you think I can’t see. And the stories I heard, made me think think. I wondered- You don’t know how different you are. I’m sorry if I misunderstood. I think you’re amazing.”
“I don’t…” The denial was right there on her tongue. Deny everything. Cry off. She couldn’t acknowledge her crush, after being so blatantly called out on it. Thrilled, horrified, sick, brain buzzing too fast to get a sane thought through. “You like me?”
Her question came out but was barely voiced, too started by the face near hers. The nose, brushing hers. The mouth, remnants of some sticky sweet gloss, clinging to hers. And Zhou Mi pulling back with a fluttering laugh.
“I like you, very much.”
And Zhou Mi repeated it in Mandarin, against Kyuhyun’s throat, one of the few things Kyuhyun knew.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t.
She pushed Zhou Mi back with a babble of words. “It’s okay. You don’t have to- I’m not? We should just…”
If only she hadn’t been able to see. If the dark had concealed everything, the beginning sad pout in the set of Zhou Mi’s mouth, the solemn eyes. If Kyuhyun’s hands hadn’t been on Zhou Mi’s neck, or her shoulder. If Zhou Mi’s face hadn’t changed at the movement of her fingers, touches against skin too perfect to be real.
“Zhou Mi.”
Zhou Mi’s hand lifted, one finger still adorned by that red-stoned ring, fingers brushing light against her sensitive inner wrist. At the hitching of her breath, Kyuhyun closed her eyes. Should’ve buried her face in the pillow, taken back her hands, knocked them out of that awkward, breathless moment. Stopped it. Definitely before the second kiss. That was her fault. It didn’t matter who leaned in, whose stiff neck caused their faces to bump together, who couldn’t figure out how to get her stupid mouth to move to even just enjoy it.
But she did, as Zhou Mi stroked her side, letting her mouth soften against Zhou Mi’s. Cupping the back of Zhou Mi’s head, the silky hair between her fingers. She was kissing Zhou Mi. And the power in that thought nearly stole her breath. She likes you. And she whimpered. Just make it not stop. She didn’t want to wake up.
Zhou Mi pulled back again and the denial, the bleated plea, was so close to the surface that the hand cupping her breast had her gasping. Zhou Mi was looking at her, like it was a question, or a test, but also a pleasure. Perfect, Zhou Mi mouthed against her cheek. The touch that was tentative became firm, and her hand tightened in Zhou Mi’s hair. The soft exclamation from Zhou Mi was like some kind of fire, and it broke every lock inside her.
“I had no idea how to tell you,” she babbled, heat roaring up her neck to flood her face. “I didn’t know if you-“
“I know. Kyuhyun. I know.”
The lushness of Zhou Mi’s bottom lip between hers, the curve of her sliding from butt to soft skin of her lower back. She wished all the cloth on them out of existence, so she could feel the silken weight of Zhou Mi’s breasts against skin, to breathe against her, chest to chest, legs twining, arousing. The kisses were perfect, sexy, soft, urgent, sweet. One begging for the next, as their hands skimmed fabric, skin. She was enchanted by the dip of Zhou Mi’s waist, under her shoulder blades, the way stroking her throat made Zhou Mi sigh. And her mind flooded with too many things. Warnings, urges. She’d had Zhou Mi’s tongue in her mouth, ass in her hands, what exactly was there to hide about what she wanted? Unless Zhou Mi was just carelessly horny, and Kyuhyun was so sure she wasn’t that kind of an idiot to misread it so hastily. Her fingers skimmed the lacy edge of Zhou Mi’s underwear, teasing the tendon at the inside of Zhou Mi’s thigh with breathless wondering.
Zhou Mi making a plea of her name, the slide of Zhou Mi’s thigh against her hip. Room to slide her fingers against Zhou Mi’s underwear. Warm. Familiar enough with her own body, a woman’s body, to recognize that what she felt through cloth, was warmth and wet. Promise. Proof. She teased, wishing the cloth wasn’t there to stop her from dipping into that heat instead of just flirting with it. But she’d never seen anything so sexy, so sensual, as Zhou Mi sighing, neck arching, because of the touch, eyes almost unfocused before they kissed. Her throat was too tight to speak, too many things she wanted to say, and couldn’t figure out how to.
Zhou Mi was wrong, she wasn’t perfect. But she wanted, so much. Zhou Mi moved her hips against the heel of Kyuhyun’s hand, her fingers still pressing designs against the damp contours between Zhou Mi’s legs. Urgency in soft sounds, Zhou Mi’s hand covering hers, urging her to press harder, rock faster. Kyuhyun herself was trembling, overwrought, when Zhou Mi sobbed out Kyuhyun’s name, the orgasm rocking her into Kyuhyun’s body.
So quick. Zhou Mi’s face a halo of pleasure.
She’d just rubbed Zhou Mi to an orgasm. Zhou Mi’s leg was still over her hip, hand still clutching hers. She wanted to crow with joy. She wanted to hump the nearest stable object. She wanted to kiss Zhou Mi. And maybe do all three things at the same time.
The smiling mouth that had drawn her, warm against hers, fingers sending chills down her spine as Zhou Mi stroked her side. And the kisses they shared then sent chills through her, the cloth she wore, not enough, the only kisses she’d ever had like that. She wanted. She wanted.
Zhou Mi’s whisper, wet against her mouth. “Kyuhyun, so beautiful.”
Long fingers against her thigh, the slick slide of the ring on Zhou Mi’s finger, trying to keep her own hands out of the way.
She nearly came, at the touch of those elegant fingers between her legs. Quivering right on the edge, where just a moment more would have dissolved her. She’d never been that sensitive, that quick, that turned on. Like she would die without a touch, bracing herself, breathing in and humming against Zhou Mi’s kiss. No teasing, she wouldn’t have lasted, hips twisting to give Zhou Mi access, to touch just a little harder, fingers rubbing circles that got sweeter, tighter, knowing exactly where to touch, how to make her keen, until she couldn’t breathe. And everything crumbled, the tightness of her body trying to hold Zhou Mi right there, giving way to shudders, grasping at Zhou Mi’s arm and moaning as Zhou Mi soothed her. Feeling how wet she was even against that touch, and feeling Zhou Mi smile against her cheek as she breathed, deep and hard. Sighing as Zhou Mi cupped one of her breasts, dipping to kiss what she could of it, before kissing Kyuhyun’s neck, her face. She was lax and warm, and Zhou Mi held her, her thigh silk against Kyuhyun’s. The lingering glow of pleasure, the quiet strokes against her back. Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi.
“Did you mean tonight to be a date?” she asked, the realization that Zhou Mi had liked her, for who knew how long. Had she been showing up, for Kyuhyun, to see Kyuhyun? Wondering if Kyuhyun liked her back, trying to engage her.
Zhou Mi seemed to hesitate. “I was going to be happy no matter how it turned out. But I hoped? I had so much fun.”
“But me?”
“You,” Zhou Mi said, squeezing her fingers.
“Why?”
Zhou Mi laughed, and repeated all the things she’d already said, until Kyuhyun had to stop her, her head expanding too fast to keep up. Zhou Mi’s opinion of her was so inflated that she wanted to protest that Zhou Mi was in bed with the wrong person.
She got some of her own in, protesting that it was Zhou Mi who was beautiful, and that Kyuhyun had wanted to see her, too. But their conversation faltered, tiredness seeping in. And she heard Zhou Mi slip into sleep. She stayed awake a little while, too full to do little else.
But her consciousness drooped like a flag, as sweetly as the sheet that was settled over them.
***
Kyuhyun woke alone, sighing as she pressed her face into the pillow and rubbed her toes against the bottom sheet. And she had to curve her arm over her head for extra protection as the smile wouldn’t be tamped down, remembering the kisses, and the way that -when she had woke once during the night - Zhou Mi had cuddled against her side. The smile faded a little as she wondered what she was going to do. What she was going to say. Was that it, or was there more? Did they start dating, hanging out, making out? How did they tell their friends?
She swallowed her sound of frustration, and rolled out of bed. Her folded clothes were just where she’d left them, and she sent a wary eye around the room and crept into the bathroom. Washing up a little, and trying to get her head on straight. Clothes felt like armor, slicking down her sleep-and-making-out-mussed hair. Zhou Mi’s kisses, her hands.
Hearing Zhou Mi say she liked her.
Her insides were a series of cheering squads and, “oh, fuck, what do I do.”
And the plan was, emerging from the bathroom, to go find Zhou Mi. To be nonchalant, normal. To say good morning, and maybe give a cheeky grin. To be the calm, cool, collected Kyuhyun who was an adult and a rational human being. And go from there. Maybe ask Zhou Mi for a date, or something. Or ask for a kiss to make sure Kyuhyun hadn’t dreamed it all the night before? Dreaming about making out with her friend while sleeping next to her, well. Okay, she was just stalling with that.
All her plans faded and leaked out of her ears, not two steps out of the room. Seeing Zhou Mi’s head rise, and turn toward her at the sound. The cup of tea beside Zhou Mi’s elbow, the ebook reader she held. All her words, her greetings, faded right out of her throat. Maybe if Zhou Mi hadn’t looked at her. Face scrubbed of makeup, hair still slightly tousled. There was always something in those eyes that Kyuhyun could not define, some inner light despite the circumstances. Dancing. And Kyuhyun felt momentarily unworthy.
“Good morning,” Zhou Mi said, in the midst of her internal panic mid-freeze. She was too afraid her face had settled on “panicked deer” instead of “confident woman on a morning after.”
“Good morning,” she said on reflex, her voice a little hoarser than she’d have liked. “I need to…check my phone.”
Yes. Because putting off being a human being for two minutes was going to make everything that much easier. Her purse was right where she’d left it, by the door, beside her shopping bags. And she fumbled for her phone, crouching, trying not to breathe loud enough for three countries to hear her. Of course, nothing had happened while she was away. No urgent emails, no voicemails, no text messages. It wasn’t like she was looking for some reason to get away, just something to talk about. Something that wasn’t just her, on display, in Zhou Mi’s apartment, and trying not to make a fool of herself.
She nearly cheered, when a sparkle caught her. Zhou Mi’s earrings. She could’ve laughed, taking them carefully out of the pocket she’d tucked them in. They were the little stars, dangling and bright. She wanted them to bring her good luck, that was for certain. Zhou Mi was smiling, with her mouth curved, but it wasn’t nearly as bright. Even Kyuhyun could see it, and she knew why. Her little evasion maneuvers had not been the way Zhou Mi had expected to be greeted, and the walls of caution were going up. All was well and good in the heat of the moment, but they were both adults. They both knew there were mistakes, regrets. Zhou Mi’s knees were drawn up, feet curved over the edge of the couch. Knees just a bit knobbier than they should’ve been, maybe. It swamped her with affection.
“Your earrings,” Kyuhyun said, dangling them, and smiling. Tucking her hair back behind her ear, and tucking her leg up beneath her to sit beside Zhou Mi on the little couch. “You left them at my place.”
“Ohh,” Zhou Mi said softly. “It was mostly on accident.”
“Gave me another reason to hope to see you again,” Kyuhyun admitted. And she laid the earrings in Zhou Mi’s offered hand. When Zhou Mi’s fingers had curved over them, Kyuhyun let hers tighten there, around Zhou Mi’s hand. And it took all her strength to look up. Zhou Mi’s smile was like being wrapped in sunlit sparkles.
It was easy then, to lean. Zhou Mi’s lips warm and sweet against hers, arms around her back as they folded together. A hug that was full of laughter, and mumbled greetings. All her worries, plans, tangled together, rolled away like a ball of yarn, leaving just a trail of it in its wake. She had to figure out how to run after it, eventually.
But she figured she could count on Zhou Mi to help. Fingers tangled, wrapping it all up, together.
And making something beautiful out of it.
***
***
A/N: Who do I blame for this... Oh, me, that's right. Mostly because I said to tell me no, and NO ONE DID. This is one of those random side projects. /shrugs forever. Thanks to everyone who read it and didn't bury me under a rock, and wobaozhewo for not running away. Only one variation of this pairing I haven't written now. Stay tuned...for more boys.