[Fic] The Life I Live - 3/7
Title: The Life I Live
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R overall
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, fantasy, angst, romance
Summary: He woke in a world that wasn't his own, to the eyes of a tiger. What he found in an idyll forest was uncertainty, trust, and the most elusive emotion of all...
Fic Archive
Part One * Part Two * Part Three * Part Four
***
They had lay together for some time after, one of Zhou Mi’s arms around his waist, and Kyuhyun’s cheek resting on the other one. He stared at Zhou Mi’s hand, the long fingers, and thought of where they had been before and after his consent. A very pleasant feeling of satisfaction was settled on him. How much of it had to do with what they had just done, and how much of it to do with who was with him? He reached with an idle hand to massage his hip, where he had felt a muscle twinge during Zhou Mi’s enthusiastic assault. Zhou Mi’s hand brushed his away, kneading the muscle, and the pain...was gone.
When they were dressed again, and it was impossible to be embarrassed because Zhou Mi did not ogle, Kyuhyun found he had questions.
“Where are the others?”
Zhou Mi’s head cocked to the side. “Hm?”
Kyuhyun sighed, and moved, clearing a spot on the sandy soil. He drew a crude stick figure, and pointed at himself, waiting until Zhou Mi nodded his understanding. He drew a second, pointing to Zhou Mi. Again, a nod. Around the two stick figures, he drew the others that he so vaguely remembered, stick figures representing the people assembled around them as Kyuhyun had made his choice. All glittering eyes and naked skin.
“These,” he said, pointing to the stick figures. “Where are these others besides you and me?”
Zhou Mi smiled in understanding, and used two fingers to obliterate the others, drawing a circle around the figures representing himself and Kyuhyun.
“Just you and me, huh?” he asked, and Zhou Mi smiled.
Zhou Mi rolled the tiger skin, using a fiber strap to fix it to his back.
Kyuhyun watched that action with some trepidation. “So we’re going?”
Zhou Mi reached for him, taking his hand like a little leash. As though Kyuhyun were liable to disappear behind one of the bushes or under a tree if Zhou Mi weren’t keeping him close.
Or because Zhou Mi liked the contact. He hissed a bit at that thought. But what could he really respond? ‘We’ve just slept together twice in the last day, please let go of my hand’?
He ignored the little part in him that was comforted by the contact. There was something about the man guiding him that was hard to explain. More than the soft hands, the expanse of tanned bare skin, or fact that he could turn Kyuhyun’s body into a shuddering, wanting mess. Maybe it had something to do with the confidence with which he was leading them through the trees, or the quick way he looked to check on Kyuhyun when Kyuhyun tightened his hand around Zhou Mi’s. He had no idea what this man was, walking around with a tiger skin on his back. But instead of disgust, he found he wanted to know more.
The ground was surprisingly soft beneath his bare feet, springy with needles and decaying leaves. Zhou Mi’s hand guided him easily over fallen trees, pointing out little things like a frog perched on a low hanging branch, a clutch of flowers struggling to survive in a pocket of rock.
They stopped to eat above a waterfall, a wide pool stretched beneath the white falling water. Well, Kyuhyun ate. Zhou Mi’s waist pouch provided some more berries, even some kind of dried meat, and little things he had gathered as they walked. Tender green shoots, soft white mushrooms. It was a small, but satisfying meal, with the water that Zhou Mi retrieved from the river. He was grateful that Zhou Mi allowed him to feed himself, though the food was still being nudged into his fingers.
His hands rinsed in the cool water, Zhou Mi began to lead him again, but not far. They stopped at an almost sheer rock face, the first break in it about as tall as his shoulders. The incline had been so gradual, Kyuhyun hadn’t even realized they were going uphill... Though when he thought of the waterfall, he should have known.
“We’re going up over that?” he asked, and got his answer as Zhou Mi tossed the tiger skin and his bag onto the ledge.
Zhou Mi gave him a boost, and he scrambled up. Zhou Mi was up beside him so quickly, Kyuhyun didn’t even have a chance to watch him do it.
The next ledge was something a little different, taller even than Zhou Mi’s head.
“Is there a banquet waiting for us up there? Isn’t there a way to go around?” Kyuhyun asked, looking up at the next ledge, and the next... The top seemed far away.
Zhou Mi seemed to sense his agitation in his voice. He rubbed Kyuhyun’s back as though to calm him, and reassure him. Kyuhyun got his hands as well situated as he could, and Zhou Mi, with hands gripping his lower leg, powered him up as though he weighed hardly anything at all.
He squirmed up onto the ledge on his belly, Zhou Mi steadying him as he got firmly onto the narrow rock. He pulled back the fur from the edge, giving Zhou Mi room to pull himself up. Kyuhyun watched the muscles in his shoulders ripple as he pulled himself easily up, even that distance. Was he supposed to be reminded of a tiger, with that easy strength? He stood at Zhou Mi’s urging, the next ledge only waist high, and the next less, and they were at the top of the rise, sparse grass growing over the crumbled rock face. There were a couple of stunted trees, but it was the view that was breathtaking. The snaking river, the jut of trees. He could see birds flying, but the horizons were hazy, as though one could see only so far before visibility was lost and idly wondered why.
He heard the sound of a big cat from the forest beneath them, staring at Zhou Mi in question. Zhou Mi patted the skin in his arms, confirming it. They’d just heard a tiger. That thought was both exciting and disturbing. Zhou Mi could help him up a cliff, but what could he do against an attacking tiger?
Zhou Mi took his hand, leading him toward a small gap in the rocks, a small cave opening. His skin contracted as they left the sun behind them, winding deeper into the cool darkness. It was cold, not to the point he could see his breath, but that Zhou Mi’s arm seemed just that much warmer against him.
They came to a small room lit with shafts of sunlight, and Kyuhyun hung back, watching as Zhou Mi rolled out the skin and invited him forward, guiding him down, straddling Zhou Mi’s hips.
“Again?” he asked, as Zhou Mi nuzzled at his neck. Zhou Mi was like a human heater, thighs hot against the back of Kyuhyun’s, chest warm against his. And he didn’t seem in any hurry to continue their liaison, content for a moment to stroke Kyuhyun’s neck with his cheek.
In another place, another life, maybe he would have pushed away. Put distance between himself and Zhou Mi, and ignored the yawning chasm he was discovering inside himself.
He needed this man, Zhou Mi, to help him survive. And if it meant putting up with the pleasure he brought in the meantime...
He groaned, letting his head fall onto Zhou Mi’s shoulder. It sounded stupid even in his own head.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi whispered, raising a hand to stroke Kyuhyun’s face.
Kyuhyun leaned back at Zhou Mi’s insistence, feeling Zhou Mi’s fingertips, his thumb, tracing Kyuhyun’s cheek, jaw, chin.
“Kui Xian... Kui Xian.” Zhou Mi made several sounds, the last of which was incredibly frustrated that he could not get the point across that he wanted to.
“Easy. It’s okay,” he said, putting his hands on Zhou Mi’s sides. They stared at each other for a long moment as Zhou Mi gathered himself.
“Kui Xian... Zhou Mi.” A fingertip was placed on his own nose, then Zhou Mi’s.
“You and me,” Kyuhyun said, nodding his understanding.
Over Zhou Mi’s heart, Kyuhyun’s hand was spread, and Zhou Mi’s hand on Kyuhyun’s chest. With his free hand, Zhou Mi gestured between them, as though to say there was a connection. It was a thought that Kyuhyun had had as well. It was a strange feeling, and one he had not resolved in his head.
Still it did not keep his eyes from closing as Zhou Mi traced a line down his throat with his mouth. It was a peculiar thing to say his heart swelled, but it seemed to. He wanted, and badly, as he whispered Zhou Mi’s name, feeling the invitation was taken and the cloth covering him, undone.
***
The air got colder as night fell, light softer still from the unseen moon. It was just enough to make out shadows and light on Zhou Mi’s skin. Though he acknowledged the cold around him, he did not shiver or actually feel it. It was as though Zhou Mi’s arm around him was a barrier between him and any outside elements. Even his toes were pleasantly warm, resting against the top of one of Zhou Mi’s feet.
They had not bothered dressing afterwards, and Zhou Mi had fed him again, pressing berries to his lips as they lay together. And with a gentle hand, Zhou Mi had stroked him to another climax, pressing his face into Kyuhyun’s sweaty hair and crooning his name.
Was it Stockholm Syndrome, he wondered. Something to explain this bizarre attachment...
As he adjusted his arm on Zhou Mi’s side, he concluded that it didn’t much matter. There was nothing really he could do...
He wondered if that was why Zhou Mi had brought him to this place, cold and formidable. He would have been in trouble on his own. It could not be just to show he was dependent on Zhou Mi’s presence, but that Zhou Mi could protect him. Get him over the obstacles, and look out for him. What did Zhou Mi get out of the arrangement, besides sex? Companionship? And obviously frustration at not being able to talk to him.
If they could talk, he wondered what he would ask Zhou Mi first. Could he really turn into a tiger? What was this place? And why had Zhou Mi chosen him... There were so many secrets, so many things he wanted to know, things only Zhou Mi could tell him.
He slept, the hope of teaching Zhou Mi to speak blazing in him.
***
Kyuhyun woke slightly chilled, Zhou Mi not beside him though the tiger skin was still slightly warm. He fumbled with the cloth, dressing himself in the minutes before Zhou Mi came silently down through the rocks. He had another cup of water, and more food, watching Kyuhyun eat with a soft smile.
“Do you eat before you bring me food, or do you just absorb air?” Kyuhyun asked, watching Zhou Mi’s eyebrows furrow.
Kyuhyun pointed to the food, and to Zhou Mi’s stomach.
“Food, you eat?” Kyuhyun asked again, pointing as he spoke.
Zhou Mi shook his head, reaching as though to begin feeding Kyuhyun again. He sighed and started pushing food into his mouth until Zhou Mi was satisfied.
He tingled with warmth as Zhou Mi stroked his arm, and willingly took Zhou Mi’s hand as they exited the cave and continued their inexplicable journey along the river. No matter what that cliff had been, he was starting to grow just the tiniest seed of trust.
***
They stopped, Zhou Mi planting Kyuhyun with a clear hand signal that he should stay. And then Zhou Mi had disappeared into the trees. He hadn’t been abandoned, Kyuhyun reasoned. Zhou Mi was just searching for more food. Every so often he could hear little whistles, the rustle of branches, and though he looked back every time, he saw nothing. It was easier to imagine that it was Zhou Mi, and not some predator waiting to eat him. So he sat, head drooping, as he let his toes trace oblongs in the sandy shore of the river bank.
It was almost comical how aware he was of Zhou Mi. Whether he was inside of him or not, Zhou Mi’s hands or Zhou Mi’s mouth, sent a frisson of awareness through him, as though he was feeling what Zhou Mi was, as though the tips of Zhou Mi’s fingers were telegraphing it to him. He still hadn’t figured it out. All he knew was that it undid him every time.
As he focused again on the water, through the ripples he saw something peculiar. There were a set of eyes staring back at him.
A noise of panic left him as he scrambled backwards up the bank. Crocodile, his mind shouted, unable to get the word out of his mouth. He ran into something solid, a pair of legs, and nearly panicked again before Zhou Mi’s hand gripped his shoulder. Kyuhyun popped onto his feet as Zhou Mi calmly watched the crocodile’s powerful jaws sink back into the water.
His heart had just barely began to settle out of the million mile-an-hour march when Zhou Mi took his hand. He stared at the smile on Zhou Mi’s face, and balked as Zhou Mi stepped down, stepped toward the water where the crocodile still lurked. How many times had he been close to the river? Dipping his his feet, his hands. Standing waist deep in it as they washed together. How close had he been to losing an arm or foot, or even his life?
Zhou Mi hummed, turning to him and taking his other hand.
“Kui Xian?”
He stepped forward jerkily, unwillingly following Zhou Mi and his reassuring smile. And they were in the water. To his ankles, his knees, his hips. Zhou Mi pulled him close, murmuring wordlessly against his neck in a way that was clearly supposed to calm him, even as he was scanning the water with his eyes. He was ready to start flailing away at the slightest sign of movement.
In the end, he couldn’t, Zhou Mi’s arm tight around him as the croc’s eyes surfaced only feet away from them.
One of Zhou Mi’s hands extended toward the creature...and it came closer. Somehow, even with one arm, Zhou Mi managed to unwind the death grip Kyuhyun had around his waist. Turning him so that his back rested against Zhou Mi’s chest and he felt more exposed than he thought he ever had in his life.
It was as though Zhou Mi were tickling the crocodile, lifting its head out of the water and holding it still. Zhou Mi guided Kyuhyun’s opposite hand to the rough hide. So close to those sharp teeth. Zhou Mi nuzzled his ear as they petted the crocodile together. And it was so still... As though Zhou Mi’s hand on it had sent into some sort of a trance.
After a few minutes, Zhou Mi let it go, pushing it away from them, and they watched it turn and swim away.
He blew out a shaky breath.
“Whoa,” he said finally. They had just had a petting session with a reptile that could have taken off a leg from each of them. He tipped his head back and asked, “Is there anything you can’t do?”
Zhou Mi’s hands traced up and down Kyuhyun’s sides, across his stomach, spreading the wet and warmth with his hands even as his mouth traced along Kyuhyun’s neck spreading a different kind of heat entirely.
He gripped Zhou Mi’s arm before his hand could slip beneath the cloth at Kyuhyun’s hips. It didn’t matter what kind of control Zhou Mi might have over any predators in the water, exposing himself and letting Zhou Mi jerk him off while they were hip deep in it was completely out of the question. If he could well imagine what a crocodile’s teeth could do to his arm... He shuddered at the thought. Zhou Mi chuckled, as though he could read the horrific images that had just been banned from Kyuhyun’s mind.
Still, as they retraced their steps up the river bank, on land was a different story altogether. He gasped against Zhou Mi’s shoulder as Zhou Mi’s hand brought him to quick release.
***
He dreamed for the first time since coming to this place. It was a dream he’d had before. There was a woman in his bed, all sweet curves, gorgeous face and hips and breasts and everything he’d ever been attracted to. He filled his hands with her and she cooed in delight.
And he was so, so hot for her. The slender legs all but begging him to come closer. He had permission. He could cover her and rut. And that’s what he intended to do, what he had done every time he had this dream.
A sound had him looking up, and freezing. In the corner of the room stood Zhou Mi, staring back at him with huge, wounded eyes. Kyuhyun could see the glitter of tears on Zhou Mi’s skin, as though he had been watching. As though watching hurt him.
He was on his feet without thought, taking two, three, unsteady steps.
“It’s not what you think,” he declared.
And stopped to think of what else it could be. He was naked and so was she. And she was protesting, urging him back to the bed with soft sounds.
Kyuhyun made a noise of frustration. Why was he trying to explain?
“This is what I know,” he said fiercely, waving at the naked woman. “This is what I like. I’m not attracted to y...”
Zhou Mi cried out, clutching his head and sinking down the wall as if he were in horrific pain.
The woman was forgotten as panic surged through him.
“Zhou Mi!”
Kyuhyun had barely lifted his hand to reach when he woke.
He sat up, half disoriented as he clutched his chest. It was leaden, heated and sore, and he wondered briefly if he were having a heart attack. The forest was dark around him, and the first time since he arrived, he felt truly cold.
He stared blankly down at Zhou Mi’s knees for a long moment before the dream flooded back to him. He twisted, staring at Zhou Mi who rested on his side Zhou Mi’s face was almost hidden where his long forearms had curled as if in protection, his hands balled tightly into fists. And there were tear tracks, not yet dry, scoring his face.
His hands slid, warmed on Zhou Mi’s skin.
“Zhou Mi,” he said, and the dark eyes opened, wild and for a moment frightened.
“Kui Xian?” Zhou Mi asked shakily.
It was the first time he had heard or seen anything but confidence from this man, and it shook him.
“Zhou Mi,” he said again, and pressed his face against Zhou Mi’s neck.
Zhou Mi clutched him, pulling him close. And as he licked frantically at Kyuhyun’s neck, shoulder to jaw, Zhou Mi made hollow little noises like a wounded bird, as though he were calming himself. Kyuhyun tried to copy his actions, licking Zhou Mi’s skin tentatively, suckling gently, and strangely, found himself calming as well. The raging pain in his chest began to abate, just a little.
He nuzzled their faces close, pressing his lips to Zhou Mi’s cheek. Gently he ran his tongue along Zhou Mi’s skin, tasting the bitter salt of tears, and feeling the flutter of Zhou Mi’s pulse against his fingertips. He moved to the other cheek, wanting to erase all evidence of the tears, of the anguish that had caused them. After he had pressed gentle kisses to Zhou Mi’s eyelids, he pulled back slightly and just admired. Waiting until Zhou Mi had opened his eyes, now clear and lit with the beginning star of a smile.
He focused on breathing evenly as Zhou Mi nuzzled his throat, moving down. Zhou Mi licked his chest, the pain still moving in tendrils where Zhou Mi’s hand had once pressed, and it burned like cold fire before subsiding into a pleasant, throbbing warmth. As they curled closer, chest to chest, it began to fade altogether. How had Zhou Mi known that it hurt?
Zhou Mi’s thigh slid over his and Kyuhyun adjusted his chin where it had come to rest on Zhou Mi’s shoulder. The cold of before was gone entirely.
“What’s happening to us?” Kyuhyun wondered aloud.
Of course, Zhou Mi did nothing in answer but rub his back a little more vigorously. He relaxed slowly, listening as Zhou Mi slid into sleep. The pain he had felt, as though some invisible cord bound them and was being yanked apart. It was not something his mind could have imagined. It spoke of things he had not even wanted to consider.
He did not think, as he began to blur, that he would ever dream that dream again.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R overall
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, fantasy, angst, romance
Summary: He woke in a world that wasn't his own, to the eyes of a tiger. What he found in an idyll forest was uncertainty, trust, and the most elusive emotion of all...
Fic Archive
Part One * Part Two * Part Three * Part Four
***
They had lay together for some time after, one of Zhou Mi’s arms around his waist, and Kyuhyun’s cheek resting on the other one. He stared at Zhou Mi’s hand, the long fingers, and thought of where they had been before and after his consent. A very pleasant feeling of satisfaction was settled on him. How much of it had to do with what they had just done, and how much of it to do with who was with him? He reached with an idle hand to massage his hip, where he had felt a muscle twinge during Zhou Mi’s enthusiastic assault. Zhou Mi’s hand brushed his away, kneading the muscle, and the pain...was gone.
When they were dressed again, and it was impossible to be embarrassed because Zhou Mi did not ogle, Kyuhyun found he had questions.
“Where are the others?”
Zhou Mi’s head cocked to the side. “Hm?”
Kyuhyun sighed, and moved, clearing a spot on the sandy soil. He drew a crude stick figure, and pointed at himself, waiting until Zhou Mi nodded his understanding. He drew a second, pointing to Zhou Mi. Again, a nod. Around the two stick figures, he drew the others that he so vaguely remembered, stick figures representing the people assembled around them as Kyuhyun had made his choice. All glittering eyes and naked skin.
“These,” he said, pointing to the stick figures. “Where are these others besides you and me?”
Zhou Mi smiled in understanding, and used two fingers to obliterate the others, drawing a circle around the figures representing himself and Kyuhyun.
“Just you and me, huh?” he asked, and Zhou Mi smiled.
Zhou Mi rolled the tiger skin, using a fiber strap to fix it to his back.
Kyuhyun watched that action with some trepidation. “So we’re going?”
Zhou Mi reached for him, taking his hand like a little leash. As though Kyuhyun were liable to disappear behind one of the bushes or under a tree if Zhou Mi weren’t keeping him close.
Or because Zhou Mi liked the contact. He hissed a bit at that thought. But what could he really respond? ‘We’ve just slept together twice in the last day, please let go of my hand’?
He ignored the little part in him that was comforted by the contact. There was something about the man guiding him that was hard to explain. More than the soft hands, the expanse of tanned bare skin, or fact that he could turn Kyuhyun’s body into a shuddering, wanting mess. Maybe it had something to do with the confidence with which he was leading them through the trees, or the quick way he looked to check on Kyuhyun when Kyuhyun tightened his hand around Zhou Mi’s. He had no idea what this man was, walking around with a tiger skin on his back. But instead of disgust, he found he wanted to know more.
The ground was surprisingly soft beneath his bare feet, springy with needles and decaying leaves. Zhou Mi’s hand guided him easily over fallen trees, pointing out little things like a frog perched on a low hanging branch, a clutch of flowers struggling to survive in a pocket of rock.
They stopped to eat above a waterfall, a wide pool stretched beneath the white falling water. Well, Kyuhyun ate. Zhou Mi’s waist pouch provided some more berries, even some kind of dried meat, and little things he had gathered as they walked. Tender green shoots, soft white mushrooms. It was a small, but satisfying meal, with the water that Zhou Mi retrieved from the river. He was grateful that Zhou Mi allowed him to feed himself, though the food was still being nudged into his fingers.
His hands rinsed in the cool water, Zhou Mi began to lead him again, but not far. They stopped at an almost sheer rock face, the first break in it about as tall as his shoulders. The incline had been so gradual, Kyuhyun hadn’t even realized they were going uphill... Though when he thought of the waterfall, he should have known.
“We’re going up over that?” he asked, and got his answer as Zhou Mi tossed the tiger skin and his bag onto the ledge.
Zhou Mi gave him a boost, and he scrambled up. Zhou Mi was up beside him so quickly, Kyuhyun didn’t even have a chance to watch him do it.
The next ledge was something a little different, taller even than Zhou Mi’s head.
“Is there a banquet waiting for us up there? Isn’t there a way to go around?” Kyuhyun asked, looking up at the next ledge, and the next... The top seemed far away.
Zhou Mi seemed to sense his agitation in his voice. He rubbed Kyuhyun’s back as though to calm him, and reassure him. Kyuhyun got his hands as well situated as he could, and Zhou Mi, with hands gripping his lower leg, powered him up as though he weighed hardly anything at all.
He squirmed up onto the ledge on his belly, Zhou Mi steadying him as he got firmly onto the narrow rock. He pulled back the fur from the edge, giving Zhou Mi room to pull himself up. Kyuhyun watched the muscles in his shoulders ripple as he pulled himself easily up, even that distance. Was he supposed to be reminded of a tiger, with that easy strength? He stood at Zhou Mi’s urging, the next ledge only waist high, and the next less, and they were at the top of the rise, sparse grass growing over the crumbled rock face. There were a couple of stunted trees, but it was the view that was breathtaking. The snaking river, the jut of trees. He could see birds flying, but the horizons were hazy, as though one could see only so far before visibility was lost and idly wondered why.
He heard the sound of a big cat from the forest beneath them, staring at Zhou Mi in question. Zhou Mi patted the skin in his arms, confirming it. They’d just heard a tiger. That thought was both exciting and disturbing. Zhou Mi could help him up a cliff, but what could he do against an attacking tiger?
Zhou Mi took his hand, leading him toward a small gap in the rocks, a small cave opening. His skin contracted as they left the sun behind them, winding deeper into the cool darkness. It was cold, not to the point he could see his breath, but that Zhou Mi’s arm seemed just that much warmer against him.
They came to a small room lit with shafts of sunlight, and Kyuhyun hung back, watching as Zhou Mi rolled out the skin and invited him forward, guiding him down, straddling Zhou Mi’s hips.
“Again?” he asked, as Zhou Mi nuzzled at his neck. Zhou Mi was like a human heater, thighs hot against the back of Kyuhyun’s, chest warm against his. And he didn’t seem in any hurry to continue their liaison, content for a moment to stroke Kyuhyun’s neck with his cheek.
In another place, another life, maybe he would have pushed away. Put distance between himself and Zhou Mi, and ignored the yawning chasm he was discovering inside himself.
He needed this man, Zhou Mi, to help him survive. And if it meant putting up with the pleasure he brought in the meantime...
He groaned, letting his head fall onto Zhou Mi’s shoulder. It sounded stupid even in his own head.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi whispered, raising a hand to stroke Kyuhyun’s face.
Kyuhyun leaned back at Zhou Mi’s insistence, feeling Zhou Mi’s fingertips, his thumb, tracing Kyuhyun’s cheek, jaw, chin.
“Kui Xian... Kui Xian.” Zhou Mi made several sounds, the last of which was incredibly frustrated that he could not get the point across that he wanted to.
“Easy. It’s okay,” he said, putting his hands on Zhou Mi’s sides. They stared at each other for a long moment as Zhou Mi gathered himself.
“Kui Xian... Zhou Mi.” A fingertip was placed on his own nose, then Zhou Mi’s.
“You and me,” Kyuhyun said, nodding his understanding.
Over Zhou Mi’s heart, Kyuhyun’s hand was spread, and Zhou Mi’s hand on Kyuhyun’s chest. With his free hand, Zhou Mi gestured between them, as though to say there was a connection. It was a thought that Kyuhyun had had as well. It was a strange feeling, and one he had not resolved in his head.
Still it did not keep his eyes from closing as Zhou Mi traced a line down his throat with his mouth. It was a peculiar thing to say his heart swelled, but it seemed to. He wanted, and badly, as he whispered Zhou Mi’s name, feeling the invitation was taken and the cloth covering him, undone.
***
The air got colder as night fell, light softer still from the unseen moon. It was just enough to make out shadows and light on Zhou Mi’s skin. Though he acknowledged the cold around him, he did not shiver or actually feel it. It was as though Zhou Mi’s arm around him was a barrier between him and any outside elements. Even his toes were pleasantly warm, resting against the top of one of Zhou Mi’s feet.
They had not bothered dressing afterwards, and Zhou Mi had fed him again, pressing berries to his lips as they lay together. And with a gentle hand, Zhou Mi had stroked him to another climax, pressing his face into Kyuhyun’s sweaty hair and crooning his name.
Was it Stockholm Syndrome, he wondered. Something to explain this bizarre attachment...
As he adjusted his arm on Zhou Mi’s side, he concluded that it didn’t much matter. There was nothing really he could do...
He wondered if that was why Zhou Mi had brought him to this place, cold and formidable. He would have been in trouble on his own. It could not be just to show he was dependent on Zhou Mi’s presence, but that Zhou Mi could protect him. Get him over the obstacles, and look out for him. What did Zhou Mi get out of the arrangement, besides sex? Companionship? And obviously frustration at not being able to talk to him.
If they could talk, he wondered what he would ask Zhou Mi first. Could he really turn into a tiger? What was this place? And why had Zhou Mi chosen him... There were so many secrets, so many things he wanted to know, things only Zhou Mi could tell him.
He slept, the hope of teaching Zhou Mi to speak blazing in him.
***
Kyuhyun woke slightly chilled, Zhou Mi not beside him though the tiger skin was still slightly warm. He fumbled with the cloth, dressing himself in the minutes before Zhou Mi came silently down through the rocks. He had another cup of water, and more food, watching Kyuhyun eat with a soft smile.
“Do you eat before you bring me food, or do you just absorb air?” Kyuhyun asked, watching Zhou Mi’s eyebrows furrow.
Kyuhyun pointed to the food, and to Zhou Mi’s stomach.
“Food, you eat?” Kyuhyun asked again, pointing as he spoke.
Zhou Mi shook his head, reaching as though to begin feeding Kyuhyun again. He sighed and started pushing food into his mouth until Zhou Mi was satisfied.
He tingled with warmth as Zhou Mi stroked his arm, and willingly took Zhou Mi’s hand as they exited the cave and continued their inexplicable journey along the river. No matter what that cliff had been, he was starting to grow just the tiniest seed of trust.
***
They stopped, Zhou Mi planting Kyuhyun with a clear hand signal that he should stay. And then Zhou Mi had disappeared into the trees. He hadn’t been abandoned, Kyuhyun reasoned. Zhou Mi was just searching for more food. Every so often he could hear little whistles, the rustle of branches, and though he looked back every time, he saw nothing. It was easier to imagine that it was Zhou Mi, and not some predator waiting to eat him. So he sat, head drooping, as he let his toes trace oblongs in the sandy shore of the river bank.
It was almost comical how aware he was of Zhou Mi. Whether he was inside of him or not, Zhou Mi’s hands or Zhou Mi’s mouth, sent a frisson of awareness through him, as though he was feeling what Zhou Mi was, as though the tips of Zhou Mi’s fingers were telegraphing it to him. He still hadn’t figured it out. All he knew was that it undid him every time.
As he focused again on the water, through the ripples he saw something peculiar. There were a set of eyes staring back at him.
A noise of panic left him as he scrambled backwards up the bank. Crocodile, his mind shouted, unable to get the word out of his mouth. He ran into something solid, a pair of legs, and nearly panicked again before Zhou Mi’s hand gripped his shoulder. Kyuhyun popped onto his feet as Zhou Mi calmly watched the crocodile’s powerful jaws sink back into the water.
His heart had just barely began to settle out of the million mile-an-hour march when Zhou Mi took his hand. He stared at the smile on Zhou Mi’s face, and balked as Zhou Mi stepped down, stepped toward the water where the crocodile still lurked. How many times had he been close to the river? Dipping his his feet, his hands. Standing waist deep in it as they washed together. How close had he been to losing an arm or foot, or even his life?
Zhou Mi hummed, turning to him and taking his other hand.
“Kui Xian?”
He stepped forward jerkily, unwillingly following Zhou Mi and his reassuring smile. And they were in the water. To his ankles, his knees, his hips. Zhou Mi pulled him close, murmuring wordlessly against his neck in a way that was clearly supposed to calm him, even as he was scanning the water with his eyes. He was ready to start flailing away at the slightest sign of movement.
In the end, he couldn’t, Zhou Mi’s arm tight around him as the croc’s eyes surfaced only feet away from them.
One of Zhou Mi’s hands extended toward the creature...and it came closer. Somehow, even with one arm, Zhou Mi managed to unwind the death grip Kyuhyun had around his waist. Turning him so that his back rested against Zhou Mi’s chest and he felt more exposed than he thought he ever had in his life.
It was as though Zhou Mi were tickling the crocodile, lifting its head out of the water and holding it still. Zhou Mi guided Kyuhyun’s opposite hand to the rough hide. So close to those sharp teeth. Zhou Mi nuzzled his ear as they petted the crocodile together. And it was so still... As though Zhou Mi’s hand on it had sent into some sort of a trance.
After a few minutes, Zhou Mi let it go, pushing it away from them, and they watched it turn and swim away.
He blew out a shaky breath.
“Whoa,” he said finally. They had just had a petting session with a reptile that could have taken off a leg from each of them. He tipped his head back and asked, “Is there anything you can’t do?”
Zhou Mi’s hands traced up and down Kyuhyun’s sides, across his stomach, spreading the wet and warmth with his hands even as his mouth traced along Kyuhyun’s neck spreading a different kind of heat entirely.
He gripped Zhou Mi’s arm before his hand could slip beneath the cloth at Kyuhyun’s hips. It didn’t matter what kind of control Zhou Mi might have over any predators in the water, exposing himself and letting Zhou Mi jerk him off while they were hip deep in it was completely out of the question. If he could well imagine what a crocodile’s teeth could do to his arm... He shuddered at the thought. Zhou Mi chuckled, as though he could read the horrific images that had just been banned from Kyuhyun’s mind.
Still, as they retraced their steps up the river bank, on land was a different story altogether. He gasped against Zhou Mi’s shoulder as Zhou Mi’s hand brought him to quick release.
***
He dreamed for the first time since coming to this place. It was a dream he’d had before. There was a woman in his bed, all sweet curves, gorgeous face and hips and breasts and everything he’d ever been attracted to. He filled his hands with her and she cooed in delight.
And he was so, so hot for her. The slender legs all but begging him to come closer. He had permission. He could cover her and rut. And that’s what he intended to do, what he had done every time he had this dream.
A sound had him looking up, and freezing. In the corner of the room stood Zhou Mi, staring back at him with huge, wounded eyes. Kyuhyun could see the glitter of tears on Zhou Mi’s skin, as though he had been watching. As though watching hurt him.
He was on his feet without thought, taking two, three, unsteady steps.
“It’s not what you think,” he declared.
And stopped to think of what else it could be. He was naked and so was she. And she was protesting, urging him back to the bed with soft sounds.
Kyuhyun made a noise of frustration. Why was he trying to explain?
“This is what I know,” he said fiercely, waving at the naked woman. “This is what I like. I’m not attracted to y...”
Zhou Mi cried out, clutching his head and sinking down the wall as if he were in horrific pain.
The woman was forgotten as panic surged through him.
“Zhou Mi!”
Kyuhyun had barely lifted his hand to reach when he woke.
He sat up, half disoriented as he clutched his chest. It was leaden, heated and sore, and he wondered briefly if he were having a heart attack. The forest was dark around him, and the first time since he arrived, he felt truly cold.
He stared blankly down at Zhou Mi’s knees for a long moment before the dream flooded back to him. He twisted, staring at Zhou Mi who rested on his side Zhou Mi’s face was almost hidden where his long forearms had curled as if in protection, his hands balled tightly into fists. And there were tear tracks, not yet dry, scoring his face.
His hands slid, warmed on Zhou Mi’s skin.
“Zhou Mi,” he said, and the dark eyes opened, wild and for a moment frightened.
“Kui Xian?” Zhou Mi asked shakily.
It was the first time he had heard or seen anything but confidence from this man, and it shook him.
“Zhou Mi,” he said again, and pressed his face against Zhou Mi’s neck.
Zhou Mi clutched him, pulling him close. And as he licked frantically at Kyuhyun’s neck, shoulder to jaw, Zhou Mi made hollow little noises like a wounded bird, as though he were calming himself. Kyuhyun tried to copy his actions, licking Zhou Mi’s skin tentatively, suckling gently, and strangely, found himself calming as well. The raging pain in his chest began to abate, just a little.
He nuzzled their faces close, pressing his lips to Zhou Mi’s cheek. Gently he ran his tongue along Zhou Mi’s skin, tasting the bitter salt of tears, and feeling the flutter of Zhou Mi’s pulse against his fingertips. He moved to the other cheek, wanting to erase all evidence of the tears, of the anguish that had caused them. After he had pressed gentle kisses to Zhou Mi’s eyelids, he pulled back slightly and just admired. Waiting until Zhou Mi had opened his eyes, now clear and lit with the beginning star of a smile.
He focused on breathing evenly as Zhou Mi nuzzled his throat, moving down. Zhou Mi licked his chest, the pain still moving in tendrils where Zhou Mi’s hand had once pressed, and it burned like cold fire before subsiding into a pleasant, throbbing warmth. As they curled closer, chest to chest, it began to fade altogether. How had Zhou Mi known that it hurt?
Zhou Mi’s thigh slid over his and Kyuhyun adjusted his chin where it had come to rest on Zhou Mi’s shoulder. The cold of before was gone entirely.
“What’s happening to us?” Kyuhyun wondered aloud.
Of course, Zhou Mi did nothing in answer but rub his back a little more vigorously. He relaxed slowly, listening as Zhou Mi slid into sleep. The pain he had felt, as though some invisible cord bound them and was being yanked apart. It was not something his mind could have imagined. It spoke of things he had not even wanted to consider.
He did not think, as he began to blur, that he would ever dream that dream again.
***