[Fic] Collide - 5/?
Title: Collide
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13? this chapter
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance
Summary: As children they had been friends, until circumstances had broken them apart. Siwon had never given up the hope that one day they would find each other again. But what he finds is different than he imagined. And in himself, more than he had ever expected.
Fic Archive
*
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six
***
He sat up with a gasp, pushing away the person kissing him with a forearm. It was one of the waitresses from the store, her eyes as wide as China and her horrified fellow waitress behind her. And in the doorway behind them, Han Geng.
***
Siwon cursed internally. What had been just a bad situation had just become a thousand times worse. Han Geng already had shaky trust in him.
“Wait for me in the hall,” Han Geng told the girls.
They were so stunned, they barely got out an apology before Han Geng shut the door behind them.
“Han Geng...” He made to stand, to explain. What could he explain? He’d been asleep!
“Stay there,” Han Geng told him.
He watched, worry biting at him as Han Geng ran water in the tiny sink, wetting a towel and lathering it with soap. When he turned, there was purpose in his eyes.
“What...”
He nearly gagged, shutting his mouth tightly as the sudsy taste flooded in, as Han Geng pressed the soap-filled cloth to his lips and scrubbed. He grimaced as his face was liberally cleansed, bubbles tickling his nose as Han Geng scrubbed harder. He imagined his lips were red from the effort, as Han Geng finally began wiping the soap off.
“Spit?” Han Geng offered at last, finally allowing him to rid himself of the soapy taste. All traces of the girl was definitely gone now. Though he feared the inside of his mouth had...
The taste of Han Geng flooded into him, and he moaned as Han Geng’s knee sank into the cushion beside his hip.
I’m only yours, he thought, feeling the unspoken desperation in Han Geng’s kiss. He had obliterated all traces of the unwanted kiss from before, replacing it only with himself. It was a move of possession, as though he thought of Siwon as his. And it was everything he had hoped for.
Han Geng pulled away as Siwon’s hand touched his face.
“I thought it was you,” Siwon said, pushing himself upright.
“If you have to kiss girls, please do it where I can’t see.”
“I want a girl this much.”
He pulled Han Geng close, arms cradling as he leaned close to kiss. He had tried so hard to keep the kisses between them chaste, to lay no extra temptation at his own feet or at Han Geng’s. But Han Geng, just then, had taken it deeper. And to show Han Geng how much that Siwon wanted him and no one else, so did he. And Han Geng did not protest, opening his lips against Siwon’s, as eager to taste and feel as he was.
Han Geng’s breath was a little short as he said, “So you want one a lot then.”
“Yeah,” Siwon said, and they laughed a little bit together. “Will you...fire her, then?”
“Should I?” Han Geng asked, his head tilted.
“I...No? Well, not on my account, I mean... I don’t know?”
What was the right answer there?
Han Geng’s mouth twitched. “If she wants to come back tomorrow, I’ll let her. That would take a lot of spine. And...I think we all make mistakes. Lock the door if you’re sleeping, okay? I don’t want to lose all of my staff.”
“You don’t want me to work as a waiter for you?” he asked, nudging Han Geng’s nose with his.
At this, Han Geng really laughed, twisting away. “You work for me while I work for you? Can you imagine?”
He stood back, watched as Han Geng laid out the options to the girl, and they fled toward the dining room with apologies and bows.
“We’ll see,” Han Geng said, sighing.
“Do you want to go out tonight?”
“Out?”
“Yeah,” Siwon said. “Maybe dinner somewhere. Stare at the people selling things on the street afterward.”
Han Geng stared at him as though he had suggested that they go jump off a bridge. “Okay. Sure.”
Siwon grinned, and followed him out into the dining room.
***
He was like a child at the largest Christmas party ever, with Han Geng across from him as they ate. To watch Han Geng’s eyes flicker with pleasure at the dishes that were set in front of them. Delicacies that Han Geng had not had in years, or maybe ever. His stomach was aching by the time they were done, and they had still more packed in boxes and carried to his car to take home.
“Want to walk some of that off?” Siwon asked as he closed the trunk.
Han Geng looked pensive. “How many years would that take?”
Siwon grinned, and raised his arm, immediately dropping it. He was sure it looked like he had some kind of spasm. He wanted to reach for Han Geng’s hand. But in public, he had no idea... And he didn’t want to ruin what had been already a wonderful evening.
As they stepped up onto the sidewalk, Han Geng’s hand closed around his. He flushed as he gawked at Han Geng, whose face was half turned away.
He adjusted their hands so that they sat together a little easier, and tried to keep his smile in check.
They wandered along the street, the vendors and booths lit and inviting to people passing by. Siwon slowed by a couple of them, cloth covered with jewelry. He sent a speculative eye toward Han Geng. Would he accept a gift? Would he want one? A necklace, something...
But Han Geng’s eyes flicked carelessly over the wares, showing little interest, and Siwon’s hope dwindled.
Until the next vendor, when Han Geng’s hand rose, nearly touching the sleek curve of white jade before his hand snatched back. Much like Siwon’s hand when reaching for Han Geng’s hand. Han Geng turned, as though he were ready to walk on and Siwon tugged him gently back.
“You like that one?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t need it,” Han Geng declared, not quite meeting his eyes.
“I didn’t ask that... Do you like it? Would you like it? If it were a gift?”
His eyes asked the question as Han Geng’s eyes widened. Would you let me get it for you, Han Geng? Would you wear it for me?
“Can I get one for you, too?” Han Geng blurted.
“I...sure?”
He was so stunned with pleasure that he barely considered his choice, pointing at a golden link on a chain, almost a ring of sorts.
And as Siwon fished for money, Han Geng haggled. In the end, Han Geng took what Siwon offered, handed part of it back and paid partly with his own money and partly with Siwon’s as the lady, with a bit of a miffed manner, handed the wrapped necklaces to him.
“It’s been forever since I’ve done that!” Han Geng said as they finally paused at the edge of the bridge. “I used to watch my mother... That was fun.”
It had been fun to watch, and it was fun to watch Han Geng now as he unwrapped the package. With nimble fingers, Han Geng unhooked the chain, looping his purchase around Siwon’s neck and fastening it there with some triumph. Siwon accepted the other chain, fumbling with the clasp a bit getting it open, and fumbling a little more getting it closed when it was finally around Han Geng’s neck.
“Did you need help?” Han Geng whispered.
“Shhh,” he admonished, and leaned back to admire. “It looks good on you.”
“Yours too.”
He watched as Han Geng turned, leaning on the railing of the bridge.
“It feels amazing to be out like this. To be free. I don’t... It’s been a long time.”
“You can bring your mother here...”
“Some day.”
Siwon stepped forward, bring his arms around so he could lay his hands on Han Geng’s. “You will.”
Their fingers tangled, and Siwon wrapped both their arms around Han Geng, standing together as they watched a boat slip silently through the water.
Han Geng’s head tipped back and he could feel the smile against his cheek.
Siwon cleared his throat, afraid of the surging emotion. “Did you... Did you ever think of looking for me?”
Han Geng disentangled their hands, turning in the circle of Siwon’s arms so that they could face each other.
“Sometimes... People said you probably wouldn’t remember.”
“I remembered,” Siwon said, his thumb tracing Han Geng’s cheek.
Han Geng’s hands slid up around his neck, eyes fluttering closed as Siwon rubbed their faces together. He felt Han Geng’s breathless chuckle against his mouth, and pressed his lips gently there.
Did Han Geng feel it, that connection? The one that made him feel as though he were hot and frozen all at once, his skin alive with feeling where every brush of Han Geng’s fingers sent pleasure coursing through him.
He pressed his face to Han Geng’s neck, breathing him in. He was so in love that he ached to say it. But fear meant... No, he couldn’t.
It took a little while, but they eventually parted, hands connected as they walked back toward Siwon’s car. As they drove back, Han Geng’s knees were wedged against the console, toward Siwon. An open stance, open toward Siwon. He had to blow out a breath at the thought.
For the first time, Han Geng held him as they kissed goodbye, gentle hands settling at Siwon’s waist.
He ran a quick finger down the bridge of Han Geng’s nose as he turned to leave. Their smiles matched perfectly.
***
It was strange that a couple of days, a reaction after a thoughtless action, could have done that much for them. As he sat, almost in bliss at the sight of Han Geng’s laughter as he chatted with a table of customers. He had...blossomed. The ebullient child, he saw more of that now in the man than in the too-quiet, pensive person he had first come to know. Had he had any part in that? He wanted to think so.
And the necklace, of which he could see the dark cord beneath the open collar of Han Geng’s shirt. Han Geng’s eyebrow rose as he turned, spotting Siwon’s focus on him. Happy didn’t cover what that smile made him feel.
As the order ticket was handed over, he watched as Han Geng reach into the pocket of his apron for his phone. The smile was gone as he lifted it to his ear, and Siwon frowned, searching the tense face.
“Siwon!”
Siwon started at the panic in Han Geng’s voice, their eyes meeting. He stood as Han Geng raced toward him, and Siwon knew already what was about to come out of Han Geng’s mouth.
“My mother... I need to go. Can you...?”
“Go to the car. We’ll go right now,” he said, pushing Han Geng toward the door.
Siwon left his laptop, his papers, without thought. All he needed were his keys.
“Close down if you need to,” Siwon ordered the waitress, and was tearing out of his parking spot almost before their belts could be fastened.
“What did they say?” he asked, trying for calmness.
“Her heart stopped? I don’t even know!” Han Geng said, his voice high and tense. “They said I should come.”
“But she was still alive when they called?”
“Yes. I think so. But she might not be by the time we get there. Without her, I don’t...”
“Don’t think like that! They called you because they were supposed to. We’re going as fast as we...” As he said that, Siwon executed a slightly illegal turn. “As fast as we can. Sometimes it’s precaution. You know how it is.”
“I know. I know. You’ll come in? You’ll stay?”
“Of course. I’ll drop you by the door, okay? It’ll be okay, Han Geng. Somehow it’ll be okay. I’ll be in...”
The car jerked to a halt at the hospital’s entrance, and Siwon was off for a place to park almost before the door could be closed. He needed to park the car, and go inside, so he could be there for Han Geng. And for Han Geng’s mother. Maybe she wasn’t his own mother, but it felt like his elbows had drawn up to his neck, his heart beating quick and hard.
He found Han Geng immediately, pacing in the hallway, clearly waiting anxiously. When he spotted Siwon, they moved together, meshing into each other’s arms.
“She’s stable for right now,” Han Geng said. “Her monitor broke, and her heart was beating strangely and so they didn’t know for a while, and...They almost lost her? They’re doing some kind of scan. I don’t even know what. Just...”
“She’ll be okay?”
“As okay as she ever is, I think? Without a new heart, this will just keep repeating. Until they can’t bring her back.”
A scary episode. A life threatening one. One that put fear into the heart of the child who waited, loved. He bent his head close, listening to Han Geng’s ragged breathing, and he considered all the options available to them. Options he had thought of, but never imagined he could use. Things that could be done that could maybe bring just a little peace to the man who trembled with both stress and relief in his arms.
“Will you let me move her to a hospital,” Siwon asked, “one where there are more nurses, better equipment, and where she can have a room to herself? There’s one, closer to the cafe than this one.”
“You looked into hospitals? Why... You would do that for her?”
“I would. For her, and for you. They perform heart transplants at that hospital, and they don’t here. If a heart came for her, she would be there...”
“I’ll never be able to pay you back... What can I do...”
“Nothing,” Siwon told him fiercely, pressing his face to Han Geng’s neck. “There’s nothing I want from you.”
He wanted Han Geng’s love, but not in return for what he could do. He wanted that freely, all of it. It was enough that he could help, that he could hold, and that Han Geng no longer looked at him so often with eyes that were full of doubt and mistrust. It was bittersweet to think that today was not the day that he could hold Han Geng like this, and think Ah, this is Han Geng who loves me.
Can you hear my heart calling? he wondered, kissing the soft mouth and drying Han Geng’s tears with the movement of his lashes against his cheek.
A throat was cleared behind him. “Sir? You can see her now.”
“Thank you, I’m coming,” Han Geng said over his shoulder, before looking to Siwon. “I need to...”
“I know. Go to her, and I’ll start things in motion. She’ll be in a better facility as soon as it’s safe for her to go.”
“Okay. Okay.”
He let Han Geng’s fingers slip through his and they parted, Siwon carrying close the tiny lift of the corner of Han Geng’s mouth as he prepared to rattle the hospital staff in a manner they would not soon forget.
***
It was paperwork, and stabilization, and pushing buttons, but the hospital exchange went through. The wait was agony, days until she could be transfered, and it wore obviously hard on Han Geng’s face. But as he walked into the new hospital beside Han Geng, he could see it had been worth it.
She looked better, the pillows plumped behind her and her eyes shining as they sat beside her.
“How are you today, Mama?” Han Geng asked her, as he fussed with a corner of her blanket which was perfectly fine.
“Very well. Thanks to Siwon... They treat me like a queen here.”
“Because you are one,” Siwon told her, bringing her hand to his lips and delighting in her laugh and the light it brought into her son’s eyes.
He decided he should give them some time alone, and he leaned forward. “I’m going to get a drink. Can I get you something, Han Geng?”
It wasn’t a smart move, touching Han Geng’s wrist, because all three of them saw it, and he was positive that the woman in the bed wondered at it.
“Um. Tea is fine?” Han Geng murmured at him.
He took his time going, coming back with tea and accepting both their smiles.
***
Han Geng moaned with relief as they walked through his apartment door, visibly sagging. “I had no idea I was so stressed,” he confessed as he stepped out of his shoes.
“Why don’t you change into your pajamas?” Siwon said, attempting to be comforting. “I’ll make you something to drink?”
He found Han Geng face down on his bed, as though it would leech the stress from him.
It was different from the time before, because they were clothed, but it was done with no less care, his hands on Han Geng’s back. He worked sore, tense muscles, tight with stress, until his own body could take it no more.
His body protested as he lowered down, pressing his torso awkwardly, gently against Han Geng’s back, sliding his hands along Han Geng’s forearms until he could curl them around the backs of Han Geng’s hands.
Han Geng lifted his head as if to protest as Siwon’s nose brushed his cheek, as if sensing some foul play.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Siwon told him. “I only... Did you know how much I missed you? When we came to China that next summer, I asked my father every day where you and your mother were, why you weren’t there. I asked until my mother made me stop.”
“Siwon...”
“I looked outside my window every morning as though you would be standing on the street, knowing I was there and waiting for me to come and play. I watched for you when we drove. And I promised myself when that summer ended that I would find you the next year. It would only be a year.”
He pressed his forehead gently against the side of Han Geng’s head, listening to him breathe for a moment.
“I had a better plan, the next summer,” he continued. “I came with a color photocopy of the picture of us, and I asked about you everywhere I went. Everyone shook their heads. No one knew a boy named Han Geng. You were my one in a billion shot. And then... Then the year we didn’t go to China. I scoured the news, waiting for anything. So much of it was, bad. Someone died, some disaster. Maybe a festival or a New Year’s article. I studied Mandarin. Switched with the approval of my father for international business. Took it in college. Hired a tutor. Waited until I came into the money set aside for me. And then I came here...”
“For me?” Han Geng whispered.
“My childhood was not unhappy. My parents loved me, I knew that, even if they weren’t always around. I loved them and my sister. But you were this glowing bright spot of happiness that was irreplaceable to me. I wanted to find that again. I had to find you. To at least know you were well. And your mother, who was so kind to me.”
He shifted, his arms tiring, and Han Geng turned, sliding over gracefully between Siwon’s arms until they were face to face.
“And using your money, found me,” Han Geng said, his eyes still closed, face inscrutable.
“When I saw you there, it was like all the years, all the moments I had spent with my face pressed to the car window... Gone, just to see you, Han Geng, standing there in front of me.”
They breathed, silent, for almost a minute as the scene replayed in Siwon’s head and he thought probably also in Han Geng’s.
“Did you miss me, Han Geng?”
“Yes.”
“Did you think of me?”
“Yes.”
“Are you glad...”
He blinked, startled, as Han Geng’s eyes opened, glittering, dark and wet.
“I’m glad you found me,” Han Geng said, his voice hoarse as he pulled Siwon’s head down for a kiss.
He could have stayed that way for a lifetime, Han Geng’s hands on his face, their mouths sliding easily together. But he knew they were both exhausted. Mentally. Physically.
“Sleep well,” he whispered, reaching to spread the blanket up over Han Geng’s prone body.
Han Geng moaned as he turned onto his side, and it was not sexual to him. But it did fuel his need to protect.
“You’re tired. You can stay,” Han Geng mumbled into his pillow.
“Not tonight, but thank you.” He levered himself a bit unsteadily onto his feet. Yes, perhaps he’d better call a taxi.
“How do I pay you back?” Han Geng asked, with the dreamy state of the half awake, particularly endearing in Han Geng’s soft voice.
“You’ll never have to,” he promised, kissing Han Geng’s temple, and gently touching his shoulder. Han Geng’s breathing evened even before Siwon had fully stood. He stood only a moment, no more, watching the subtle movements of sleep on Han Geng’s face before he turned, quietly turning out the light.
He realized only after he had securely closed the outside door behind him, that in his hazy stupor, his thoughts on Han Geng, he had just locked his car keys and his cell phone inside. The only way Han Geng knew to get in touch with him.
And it was because of that he spent the night in an abandoned chair in the hallway that reeked of mothballs and smelled of cats.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13? this chapter
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance
Summary: As children they had been friends, until circumstances had broken them apart. Siwon had never given up the hope that one day they would find each other again. But what he finds is different than he imagined. And in himself, more than he had ever expected.
Fic Archive
*
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six
***
He sat up with a gasp, pushing away the person kissing him with a forearm. It was one of the waitresses from the store, her eyes as wide as China and her horrified fellow waitress behind her. And in the doorway behind them, Han Geng.
***
Siwon cursed internally. What had been just a bad situation had just become a thousand times worse. Han Geng already had shaky trust in him.
“Wait for me in the hall,” Han Geng told the girls.
They were so stunned, they barely got out an apology before Han Geng shut the door behind them.
“Han Geng...” He made to stand, to explain. What could he explain? He’d been asleep!
“Stay there,” Han Geng told him.
He watched, worry biting at him as Han Geng ran water in the tiny sink, wetting a towel and lathering it with soap. When he turned, there was purpose in his eyes.
“What...”
He nearly gagged, shutting his mouth tightly as the sudsy taste flooded in, as Han Geng pressed the soap-filled cloth to his lips and scrubbed. He grimaced as his face was liberally cleansed, bubbles tickling his nose as Han Geng scrubbed harder. He imagined his lips were red from the effort, as Han Geng finally began wiping the soap off.
“Spit?” Han Geng offered at last, finally allowing him to rid himself of the soapy taste. All traces of the girl was definitely gone now. Though he feared the inside of his mouth had...
The taste of Han Geng flooded into him, and he moaned as Han Geng’s knee sank into the cushion beside his hip.
I’m only yours, he thought, feeling the unspoken desperation in Han Geng’s kiss. He had obliterated all traces of the unwanted kiss from before, replacing it only with himself. It was a move of possession, as though he thought of Siwon as his. And it was everything he had hoped for.
Han Geng pulled away as Siwon’s hand touched his face.
“I thought it was you,” Siwon said, pushing himself upright.
“If you have to kiss girls, please do it where I can’t see.”
“I want a girl this much.”
He pulled Han Geng close, arms cradling as he leaned close to kiss. He had tried so hard to keep the kisses between them chaste, to lay no extra temptation at his own feet or at Han Geng’s. But Han Geng, just then, had taken it deeper. And to show Han Geng how much that Siwon wanted him and no one else, so did he. And Han Geng did not protest, opening his lips against Siwon’s, as eager to taste and feel as he was.
Han Geng’s breath was a little short as he said, “So you want one a lot then.”
“Yeah,” Siwon said, and they laughed a little bit together. “Will you...fire her, then?”
“Should I?” Han Geng asked, his head tilted.
“I...No? Well, not on my account, I mean... I don’t know?”
What was the right answer there?
Han Geng’s mouth twitched. “If she wants to come back tomorrow, I’ll let her. That would take a lot of spine. And...I think we all make mistakes. Lock the door if you’re sleeping, okay? I don’t want to lose all of my staff.”
“You don’t want me to work as a waiter for you?” he asked, nudging Han Geng’s nose with his.
At this, Han Geng really laughed, twisting away. “You work for me while I work for you? Can you imagine?”
He stood back, watched as Han Geng laid out the options to the girl, and they fled toward the dining room with apologies and bows.
“We’ll see,” Han Geng said, sighing.
“Do you want to go out tonight?”
“Out?”
“Yeah,” Siwon said. “Maybe dinner somewhere. Stare at the people selling things on the street afterward.”
Han Geng stared at him as though he had suggested that they go jump off a bridge. “Okay. Sure.”
Siwon grinned, and followed him out into the dining room.
***
He was like a child at the largest Christmas party ever, with Han Geng across from him as they ate. To watch Han Geng’s eyes flicker with pleasure at the dishes that were set in front of them. Delicacies that Han Geng had not had in years, or maybe ever. His stomach was aching by the time they were done, and they had still more packed in boxes and carried to his car to take home.
“Want to walk some of that off?” Siwon asked as he closed the trunk.
Han Geng looked pensive. “How many years would that take?”
Siwon grinned, and raised his arm, immediately dropping it. He was sure it looked like he had some kind of spasm. He wanted to reach for Han Geng’s hand. But in public, he had no idea... And he didn’t want to ruin what had been already a wonderful evening.
As they stepped up onto the sidewalk, Han Geng’s hand closed around his. He flushed as he gawked at Han Geng, whose face was half turned away.
He adjusted their hands so that they sat together a little easier, and tried to keep his smile in check.
They wandered along the street, the vendors and booths lit and inviting to people passing by. Siwon slowed by a couple of them, cloth covered with jewelry. He sent a speculative eye toward Han Geng. Would he accept a gift? Would he want one? A necklace, something...
But Han Geng’s eyes flicked carelessly over the wares, showing little interest, and Siwon’s hope dwindled.
Until the next vendor, when Han Geng’s hand rose, nearly touching the sleek curve of white jade before his hand snatched back. Much like Siwon’s hand when reaching for Han Geng’s hand. Han Geng turned, as though he were ready to walk on and Siwon tugged him gently back.
“You like that one?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t need it,” Han Geng declared, not quite meeting his eyes.
“I didn’t ask that... Do you like it? Would you like it? If it were a gift?”
His eyes asked the question as Han Geng’s eyes widened. Would you let me get it for you, Han Geng? Would you wear it for me?
“Can I get one for you, too?” Han Geng blurted.
“I...sure?”
He was so stunned with pleasure that he barely considered his choice, pointing at a golden link on a chain, almost a ring of sorts.
And as Siwon fished for money, Han Geng haggled. In the end, Han Geng took what Siwon offered, handed part of it back and paid partly with his own money and partly with Siwon’s as the lady, with a bit of a miffed manner, handed the wrapped necklaces to him.
“It’s been forever since I’ve done that!” Han Geng said as they finally paused at the edge of the bridge. “I used to watch my mother... That was fun.”
It had been fun to watch, and it was fun to watch Han Geng now as he unwrapped the package. With nimble fingers, Han Geng unhooked the chain, looping his purchase around Siwon’s neck and fastening it there with some triumph. Siwon accepted the other chain, fumbling with the clasp a bit getting it open, and fumbling a little more getting it closed when it was finally around Han Geng’s neck.
“Did you need help?” Han Geng whispered.
“Shhh,” he admonished, and leaned back to admire. “It looks good on you.”
“Yours too.”
He watched as Han Geng turned, leaning on the railing of the bridge.
“It feels amazing to be out like this. To be free. I don’t... It’s been a long time.”
“You can bring your mother here...”
“Some day.”
Siwon stepped forward, bring his arms around so he could lay his hands on Han Geng’s. “You will.”
Their fingers tangled, and Siwon wrapped both their arms around Han Geng, standing together as they watched a boat slip silently through the water.
Han Geng’s head tipped back and he could feel the smile against his cheek.
Siwon cleared his throat, afraid of the surging emotion. “Did you... Did you ever think of looking for me?”
Han Geng disentangled their hands, turning in the circle of Siwon’s arms so that they could face each other.
“Sometimes... People said you probably wouldn’t remember.”
“I remembered,” Siwon said, his thumb tracing Han Geng’s cheek.
Han Geng’s hands slid up around his neck, eyes fluttering closed as Siwon rubbed their faces together. He felt Han Geng’s breathless chuckle against his mouth, and pressed his lips gently there.
Did Han Geng feel it, that connection? The one that made him feel as though he were hot and frozen all at once, his skin alive with feeling where every brush of Han Geng’s fingers sent pleasure coursing through him.
He pressed his face to Han Geng’s neck, breathing him in. He was so in love that he ached to say it. But fear meant... No, he couldn’t.
It took a little while, but they eventually parted, hands connected as they walked back toward Siwon’s car. As they drove back, Han Geng’s knees were wedged against the console, toward Siwon. An open stance, open toward Siwon. He had to blow out a breath at the thought.
For the first time, Han Geng held him as they kissed goodbye, gentle hands settling at Siwon’s waist.
He ran a quick finger down the bridge of Han Geng’s nose as he turned to leave. Their smiles matched perfectly.
***
It was strange that a couple of days, a reaction after a thoughtless action, could have done that much for them. As he sat, almost in bliss at the sight of Han Geng’s laughter as he chatted with a table of customers. He had...blossomed. The ebullient child, he saw more of that now in the man than in the too-quiet, pensive person he had first come to know. Had he had any part in that? He wanted to think so.
And the necklace, of which he could see the dark cord beneath the open collar of Han Geng’s shirt. Han Geng’s eyebrow rose as he turned, spotting Siwon’s focus on him. Happy didn’t cover what that smile made him feel.
As the order ticket was handed over, he watched as Han Geng reach into the pocket of his apron for his phone. The smile was gone as he lifted it to his ear, and Siwon frowned, searching the tense face.
“Siwon!”
Siwon started at the panic in Han Geng’s voice, their eyes meeting. He stood as Han Geng raced toward him, and Siwon knew already what was about to come out of Han Geng’s mouth.
“My mother... I need to go. Can you...?”
“Go to the car. We’ll go right now,” he said, pushing Han Geng toward the door.
Siwon left his laptop, his papers, without thought. All he needed were his keys.
“Close down if you need to,” Siwon ordered the waitress, and was tearing out of his parking spot almost before their belts could be fastened.
“What did they say?” he asked, trying for calmness.
“Her heart stopped? I don’t even know!” Han Geng said, his voice high and tense. “They said I should come.”
“But she was still alive when they called?”
“Yes. I think so. But she might not be by the time we get there. Without her, I don’t...”
“Don’t think like that! They called you because they were supposed to. We’re going as fast as we...” As he said that, Siwon executed a slightly illegal turn. “As fast as we can. Sometimes it’s precaution. You know how it is.”
“I know. I know. You’ll come in? You’ll stay?”
“Of course. I’ll drop you by the door, okay? It’ll be okay, Han Geng. Somehow it’ll be okay. I’ll be in...”
The car jerked to a halt at the hospital’s entrance, and Siwon was off for a place to park almost before the door could be closed. He needed to park the car, and go inside, so he could be there for Han Geng. And for Han Geng’s mother. Maybe she wasn’t his own mother, but it felt like his elbows had drawn up to his neck, his heart beating quick and hard.
He found Han Geng immediately, pacing in the hallway, clearly waiting anxiously. When he spotted Siwon, they moved together, meshing into each other’s arms.
“She’s stable for right now,” Han Geng said. “Her monitor broke, and her heart was beating strangely and so they didn’t know for a while, and...They almost lost her? They’re doing some kind of scan. I don’t even know what. Just...”
“She’ll be okay?”
“As okay as she ever is, I think? Without a new heart, this will just keep repeating. Until they can’t bring her back.”
A scary episode. A life threatening one. One that put fear into the heart of the child who waited, loved. He bent his head close, listening to Han Geng’s ragged breathing, and he considered all the options available to them. Options he had thought of, but never imagined he could use. Things that could be done that could maybe bring just a little peace to the man who trembled with both stress and relief in his arms.
“Will you let me move her to a hospital,” Siwon asked, “one where there are more nurses, better equipment, and where she can have a room to herself? There’s one, closer to the cafe than this one.”
“You looked into hospitals? Why... You would do that for her?”
“I would. For her, and for you. They perform heart transplants at that hospital, and they don’t here. If a heart came for her, she would be there...”
“I’ll never be able to pay you back... What can I do...”
“Nothing,” Siwon told him fiercely, pressing his face to Han Geng’s neck. “There’s nothing I want from you.”
He wanted Han Geng’s love, but not in return for what he could do. He wanted that freely, all of it. It was enough that he could help, that he could hold, and that Han Geng no longer looked at him so often with eyes that were full of doubt and mistrust. It was bittersweet to think that today was not the day that he could hold Han Geng like this, and think Ah, this is Han Geng who loves me.
Can you hear my heart calling? he wondered, kissing the soft mouth and drying Han Geng’s tears with the movement of his lashes against his cheek.
A throat was cleared behind him. “Sir? You can see her now.”
“Thank you, I’m coming,” Han Geng said over his shoulder, before looking to Siwon. “I need to...”
“I know. Go to her, and I’ll start things in motion. She’ll be in a better facility as soon as it’s safe for her to go.”
“Okay. Okay.”
He let Han Geng’s fingers slip through his and they parted, Siwon carrying close the tiny lift of the corner of Han Geng’s mouth as he prepared to rattle the hospital staff in a manner they would not soon forget.
***
It was paperwork, and stabilization, and pushing buttons, but the hospital exchange went through. The wait was agony, days until she could be transfered, and it wore obviously hard on Han Geng’s face. But as he walked into the new hospital beside Han Geng, he could see it had been worth it.
She looked better, the pillows plumped behind her and her eyes shining as they sat beside her.
“How are you today, Mama?” Han Geng asked her, as he fussed with a corner of her blanket which was perfectly fine.
“Very well. Thanks to Siwon... They treat me like a queen here.”
“Because you are one,” Siwon told her, bringing her hand to his lips and delighting in her laugh and the light it brought into her son’s eyes.
He decided he should give them some time alone, and he leaned forward. “I’m going to get a drink. Can I get you something, Han Geng?”
It wasn’t a smart move, touching Han Geng’s wrist, because all three of them saw it, and he was positive that the woman in the bed wondered at it.
“Um. Tea is fine?” Han Geng murmured at him.
He took his time going, coming back with tea and accepting both their smiles.
***
Han Geng moaned with relief as they walked through his apartment door, visibly sagging. “I had no idea I was so stressed,” he confessed as he stepped out of his shoes.
“Why don’t you change into your pajamas?” Siwon said, attempting to be comforting. “I’ll make you something to drink?”
He found Han Geng face down on his bed, as though it would leech the stress from him.
It was different from the time before, because they were clothed, but it was done with no less care, his hands on Han Geng’s back. He worked sore, tense muscles, tight with stress, until his own body could take it no more.
His body protested as he lowered down, pressing his torso awkwardly, gently against Han Geng’s back, sliding his hands along Han Geng’s forearms until he could curl them around the backs of Han Geng’s hands.
Han Geng lifted his head as if to protest as Siwon’s nose brushed his cheek, as if sensing some foul play.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Siwon told him. “I only... Did you know how much I missed you? When we came to China that next summer, I asked my father every day where you and your mother were, why you weren’t there. I asked until my mother made me stop.”
“Siwon...”
“I looked outside my window every morning as though you would be standing on the street, knowing I was there and waiting for me to come and play. I watched for you when we drove. And I promised myself when that summer ended that I would find you the next year. It would only be a year.”
He pressed his forehead gently against the side of Han Geng’s head, listening to him breathe for a moment.
“I had a better plan, the next summer,” he continued. “I came with a color photocopy of the picture of us, and I asked about you everywhere I went. Everyone shook their heads. No one knew a boy named Han Geng. You were my one in a billion shot. And then... Then the year we didn’t go to China. I scoured the news, waiting for anything. So much of it was, bad. Someone died, some disaster. Maybe a festival or a New Year’s article. I studied Mandarin. Switched with the approval of my father for international business. Took it in college. Hired a tutor. Waited until I came into the money set aside for me. And then I came here...”
“For me?” Han Geng whispered.
“My childhood was not unhappy. My parents loved me, I knew that, even if they weren’t always around. I loved them and my sister. But you were this glowing bright spot of happiness that was irreplaceable to me. I wanted to find that again. I had to find you. To at least know you were well. And your mother, who was so kind to me.”
He shifted, his arms tiring, and Han Geng turned, sliding over gracefully between Siwon’s arms until they were face to face.
“And using your money, found me,” Han Geng said, his eyes still closed, face inscrutable.
“When I saw you there, it was like all the years, all the moments I had spent with my face pressed to the car window... Gone, just to see you, Han Geng, standing there in front of me.”
They breathed, silent, for almost a minute as the scene replayed in Siwon’s head and he thought probably also in Han Geng’s.
“Did you miss me, Han Geng?”
“Yes.”
“Did you think of me?”
“Yes.”
“Are you glad...”
He blinked, startled, as Han Geng’s eyes opened, glittering, dark and wet.
“I’m glad you found me,” Han Geng said, his voice hoarse as he pulled Siwon’s head down for a kiss.
He could have stayed that way for a lifetime, Han Geng’s hands on his face, their mouths sliding easily together. But he knew they were both exhausted. Mentally. Physically.
“Sleep well,” he whispered, reaching to spread the blanket up over Han Geng’s prone body.
Han Geng moaned as he turned onto his side, and it was not sexual to him. But it did fuel his need to protect.
“You’re tired. You can stay,” Han Geng mumbled into his pillow.
“Not tonight, but thank you.” He levered himself a bit unsteadily onto his feet. Yes, perhaps he’d better call a taxi.
“How do I pay you back?” Han Geng asked, with the dreamy state of the half awake, particularly endearing in Han Geng’s soft voice.
“You’ll never have to,” he promised, kissing Han Geng’s temple, and gently touching his shoulder. Han Geng’s breathing evened even before Siwon had fully stood. He stood only a moment, no more, watching the subtle movements of sleep on Han Geng’s face before he turned, quietly turning out the light.
He realized only after he had securely closed the outside door behind him, that in his hazy stupor, his thoughts on Han Geng, he had just locked his car keys and his cell phone inside. The only way Han Geng knew to get in touch with him.
And it was because of that he spent the night in an abandoned chair in the hallway that reeked of mothballs and smelled of cats.
***