[Fic] Permanent - 1/2
Title: Permanent - part one
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung
Genre: Angst/Fluff/Romance
Summary: When Siwon is forced to take a short leave of absence from Super Junior, Hankyung has no idea what he'll find when they're reunited. Or what they'll find out about each other.
A/N: This was started way back, my first "big" endeavor into SuJu fic, and started before I had a good grasp of where they lived and assorted things... Take big glaring errors with grains of salt, please. <3 It wasn't the first fic for SuJu I wrote (Dissolving was), but it was among the first... It's been so long moldering in a back corner waiting to be looked at that I'm desperate to just have it out. So, here we are. <3
***
It had not started innocently. There were no smiles. There had only been a phone call, and the three of them that had been there to witness it, Eunhyuk, Shindong, Ryeowook, had been able to say only that Siwon had appeared troubled by it, had said that there was a car waiting for him, and that he had left.
Both Eeteuk and Hankyung had tried to call, text. But for those worried well, there was nothing for hours. Until Siwon walked through the door, looking tired and frustrated. It was hard to say who got to him first… Hankyung or Ryeowook.
“Is everything all right?”
“Are you all right?”
The questions melded together as Siwon looked at them, bemused as he saw most of the rest seated behind them.
“I’m all right… I have some news to share. But… give me a few minutes?”
They waited in near silence, Ryeowook jumping at Hankyung’s side as there was a loud thump from the direction of Siwon’s room. Drawers being opened and closed. Something almost assuredly being kicked in frustration.
He emerged, a little less in control of his emotions than before. There had clearly been tears shed… But his body language was saying clearly, “Don’t touch.”
“I’m taking a leave…” He paused, searching for the words. “A leave of absence from our activities for a couple of months.”
A chorus of Whats and Whys followed.
“My… my parents have officially requested that I take a leave to take some time while they are both well to learn about our company, in the event that it might be me running it one day. Or at least involved in it in some way. They want me to focus on it for a couple months, while our schedules are less full. Management has cleared it. I start tomorrow.”
Hankyung stood as Eeteuk spoke.
“They just arranged it without asking you?”
“They did ask me. They just knew there was no way for me to refuse.”
“It’s good they are asking you to take this opportunity to learn, instead of trying to make you leave Super Junior entirely. I hope we can help somehow.”
Siwon took Hankyung’s offered hand, squeezed it.
“That is another thing… While I focus, I won’t be able to see any of the members. For one month.”
Shocked gasps.
“They wanted it for the full time, but… I couldn’t agree to that. We settled on a month.”
“Siwon…”
“Respect my wishes. Please. Give me one month. That’s all I ask.”
Eeteuk rested a hand on Kangin’s shoulder, who was ready to go out blustering to protect one of their own from the troubles of the world.
“Of course we’ll respect your wishes. But if your mind changes… You’ll be sure to call, won’t you? You know we love you, and want to do everything we can.”
“Yes, Teukie hyung. I’ll let you know.”
***
But whether they expected him to or not… Siwon had asked them not to see him, but he had not said they could not communicate. Hankyung texted not long after, that night, just to see…
“If I can’t see you, could you let me know how you are feeling? Phone is always with me.”
And he had not lied. He had not paid so much attention to an object in his life. Constantly with it in his hand, peering at the screen. He all but bathed with it, waiting for a message that might never come.
His perseverance was rewarded. Three days later, his phone chimed, and he nearly dropped it as it slid open.
“It was not a good day. Thank you, I thought of this. Tomorrow will be better.”
His hand tightened until he heard the plastic of the phone creak.
The message was no doubted intended to make Hankyung feel better. In reality, it did quite the opposite.
How could he go off and do this on his own? It had been Siwon who had come to him first, as the M team was assembled and leadership stared him like a blinding train light. Come to me if you need anything, Siwon had said, even just an ear… You’re not alone. How Siwon had smiled when asked if he was going to be Hankyung’s bodyguard again. Yes, Siwon replied, because this is a project you will end up alive in.
***
It had been one month and two days. There had been texts. There had been calls. None were acknowledged. Someone suggested stalking him at work, but that seemed awkward and not nearly permanent enough.
It took two days to clear someone staying with Siwon on a probationary period with management. To emphasize the closeness of the group, had been one argument. When there had been no objections, Hankyung stood up and had not moved, as arguments flew about why he should or should not be the one to go. It took several minutes before anyone, Eeteuk or anyone else had noticed that he hadn’t said a word since saying it would be him.
“Hankyung… You had something to say?”
“He needs one of us. It should be me. He needs me. Please, let me go.”
Eeteuk was quiet as he thought but he nodded.
“I agree, you know. I should be you. You can go to your activities just as well from there.”
“We don’t want him seen as a distraction.”
“They are close. It won’t be. As a leader himself, he will know if he is.”
He would have fought Eeteuk if he had to. He was glad that he hadn’t.
But it had not been two hours before he was ringing the bell of the Choi residence in the city that Siwon had been sent to. He had his suitcase, had been ushered courteously into the living room to wait. And there he stayed. Waiting for Siwon and determined to stay. He had gotten this far. He wouldn’t be turned away now.
***
Hankyung’s breath caught as Siwon appeared, his head down as he loosened his tie. He looked up, and stopped dead in his tracks, finally spotting Hankyung leaning against the large suitcase. His hand dropped from where it had been loosening his tie.
“Hyung.”
“I don’t care if you make me sleep in a closet. I’m not leaving.”
Siwon stared as if he had seen an accident he couldn’t look away from.
“Why are you here?” Where there had once been a gentle smile, there was coolness, misery. It broke his heart to see it.
“Because we miss you. I miss you. I wanted... You said a month. It’s been a month, and we couldn’t get ahold of you...”
He reached out and gripped Siwon’s arm. Siwon stared down at Hankyung’s hand as if he had been shot. The muscles tensed, and began to shake. Hankyung had a terrible thought.
“In all this time… Did no one touch you?”
“No,” Siwon said, his voice low and tight.
“And you touched no one.”
“No.”
“Why?” The world exploded from him as he yanked Siwon close, so stiff and struggling for control as Hankyung hugged him with something near desperation, hands fisting in Siwon’s jacket.
“Stupid. Stupid.”
Siwon panted as though he had trouble drawing air, before breaking, arms nearly crushing Hankyung as they banded tight around him. And still he trembled.
He slapped a hand against Siwon’s back.
“How could you do this to yourself?! To us?! You could have called any of us, any time of day, and we would have been here. Did you have to suffer alone? Don’t you know that hurts us too?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry. Just swear to me you’ll never do it again. I don’t wanted to have to break your handsome head. There are a lot of people out there who would hate me for it.”
The chuckle was good to feel, and he patted the back of Siwon’s head when he heard it.
“Thank you,” he said. “Even if I’d promised, I should have… I should have.”
“Who knew Siwon’s head was so stubborn? Have to carry it all alone. And you should thank me, you know. I had to step on more than a few heads and feet to be the one who was standing here tonight. I bet their ears are still ringing, and not one of them has any idea what I was saying even as I steamed out the door.”
Another chuckle. Hankyung thumped him on the back again.
“That’s from everyone.” And squeezed as tight as his arms would allow. “And so is this.”
“And you’re staying?”
“Try and get me leave, after all this trouble. We’re like conjoined twins after this. If you can’t take care of yourself, someone has to.”
“A big word!”
Hankyung said something short and rude in Chinese, and earned a full, true giggle in response. Siwon was still in there, he thought with as much contentedness as he had found in the last month, and sighed. They had not waited too long.
The unexpected wetness dripping down his neck sent sympathetic prickles into his own eyes. He slid his hand up under Siwon’s jacket, stroking the warmth of his back through the shirt.
“Tell me,” he said.
They ended up on the couch, Hankyung supported in a corner as he cradled Siwon’s head on his shoulder, both of his legs draped across Siwon’s thighs. The tears had been brief, ending as Siwon began to speak of the long days, the stress and confusion, the loneliness.
“Why did your parents ask that you not have any contact?”
“They suggested it, thinking I’d be too distracted. I agreed because I thought maybe I could concentrate and do a better job. Make you all proud. You all were continuing on, doing so well…”
“So you locked yourself in the tower, thinking we didn’t need you any more. We need Siwon, a lot. Don’t you forget it. I don’t know how many times people have said how they’ve brought you up in interviews, how proud they are of you. We need someone to tell Heechul to be nice, and give us hugs, and no one can do that the way Siwon can. I started to text “I miss you” or “We miss you” so many times, but I didn’t want to make it harder on you. That was how you asked us to support you, and we… we tried.”
Siwon clutched him closer when he heard Hankyung’s voice crack. “Hyung, don’t cry for me.”
“Then for who? Me? If I chased any of your fears away, I’m glad.”
Siwon chucked. “Does that mean you rescued me from the tower?”
“Don’t say that yet. We still need to escape the wicked witch.”
“Together.”
“Together,” he confirmed.
“Did they really think we would distract you?”
“They wanted me focused. They wanted it for the full time, but I refused. One month to get used to things, then I will deal with my friends my way.”
He tried to imagine Siwon making demands as control was being stripped out of his hands.
“And SM assured you your place was secure.”
“I’ll be free to join Super Junior and all its activities that our manager requested. And he assured me I’d have a place. That helped a lot. They have a finite date to start working me back in. And you swear you’re not changing your schedule for me.”
“Time for bed!”
“Hankyung hyung.”
He sighed. “Everything that is on my schedule was on there a month ago. Nothing has been removed.” Nothing added, either. “I’ll have to leave every once in a while. I swear, Super Junior won’t just have 12 members when you get back because they’ve sent me down to learn with the new trainees.”
“I won’t jeopardize your future.”
“You couldn’t,” Hankyung said, leaning into Siwon’s hug. “I’m your twin, remember?”
Siwon left him to sleep in a tastefully decorated room, one that would’ve housed several member’s beds if he was eying it correctly. Still, the mattress was lovely, and he slept, thinking of Siwon.
***
Hankyung woke halfway through the night to find a pair of knees pressing into the backs of his, and warm breath slowly puffing against the back of his neck. Siwon. He would know that scent anywhere. Too long away from people who cared, he mused, turning over carefully until he faced Siwon. He touched the slack face, the parted lips. Siwon like this, he was so… Hankyung let a cautious breath hiss through his teeth as he withdrew his hand. Careful, he told himself, this one is not for you. It should be torture to stay so close, but it was not, not really. He was glad to give anything back to Siwon that he could. He turned back around, scooting back until their knees touched again, tugging the covers up closer over them.
Siwon mumbled something, freezing him for a moment, before Siwon’s arm wrapped around him, holding him against Siwon’s chest. Hankyung sighed, relaxing into the hold. Careful, he thought again, this is the one man you cannot fall in love with. And sleep claimed him.
He was alone when he woke, but he heard the shower running as he stretched. It was a very homey sound to him, as one who had lived in close quarters with so many for so long.
He stood as the door opened, intending to trade places with Siwon. At least, he was fairly certain he stood. He wasn’t particularly sure, as the creature who exited the bathroom was clad only in a towel and rivulets and drops of water. It wasn’t as though he’d never seen Siwon like this before… But the refresher course was somewhat stunning. He was thankful for the towel draped over Siwon’s head, because it gave him precious seconds to compose himself. And also to notice that it hadn’t been his imagination. Siwon had gotten thinner. He let the towel drape around his shoulders, and smiled when he saw Hankyung was up.
“Good morning… I forgot I hadn’t brought any clothes. I…” He bit his lip as he peered at the bed. “I hope I didn’t disturb you last night.”
“Of course you didn’t.” Being alone was probably more disturbing.
His eye was hit with a strand of wet hair, but he couldn’t find it in him to care, his face pressed against warm, damp skin as Siwon hugged him. Clutched him, was more like, as if had just been saved from falling off of a cliff.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” His eyes squeezed closed as Siwon’s mouth met his cheek for an enthusiastic kiss. “I’ll actually look forward to coming back tonight.”
He pushed Siwon back gently. “Then you’d better get dressed and go so you can!”
Siwon grinned, would have gone back for a second hug if Hankyung hadn’t given him a shove, laughing as he shut the door behind him. Of course, as his hand cupped his cheek, he realized that Siwon was navigating the hall in only a towel.
***
Siwon was home late, and he listened for his arrival from the library where he had planted himself. He had barely gotten his eyes on Siwon when he realized that there would be nothing that night but sleep, from the shadows in Siwon’s eyes. Still, they hugged, Siwon burrowing close before they said their goodnights. When he turned off the light that night, he did not feel as though he was in such an unfamiliar place.
He was woken by a hand stroking his arm. He was half upright before he was awake.
“What? Something…” He put a hand to his face and adjusted his brain back into Korean. “Is something wrong?”
“I’m sorry. I think we need to change.”
Why were they whispering? Hankyung wondered, tugged out of bed by Siwon’s insistent hand. He nearly stumbled around the edge of the bed, but was steadied when Siwon pulled him closer. He squinted in the recessed lighting of the hall, half lost as they turned this way down a hall, and that way, their bare feet making barely a sound. But even his sleepy brain recognized the ajar door of the master suite. He slowed considerably as he was pulled inside, the door shut behind him.
The bed was a wide river in the room, covered in smoky gray.
“I haven’t slept well all the last month. I slept really well last night in your room… And barely since. It feels like you’re on the other side of the earth, and since I know you’re here…”
“I’ll stay,” Hankyung said, twitching at Siwon’s hand on his lower back. “All you had to do was ask.”
“We’ll see if it suits you… You don’t have to stay forever, and it’s okay if…”
“Let’s sleep, okay?” he said with a laugh. “We’ll work it out.”
He started to crawl onto the bed, and nearly cooed out loud at the warmth that seeped into his palms. He grinned brightly up at Siwon, who, on the other side, had clearly been watching for his reaction.
“Yeah, I could get used to this.”
He sank gratefully into the warmed sheets… The air was just a touch cool, and it made the bed that much more comforting. Siwon turned down the lights, with a remote, and for a moment nearly disappeared beneath the blankets, just a lump several feet away.
“Hey,” Hankyung said, waiting for Siwon to look toward him. “Thanks for coming to get me… That means a lot.”
“Thanks for… for everything.”
***
It had taken less than a moment to orient himself to where he was, with the quiet warmth of the heating pad oozing into his shoulder, and light that just barely peeked through the filtering curtains. It was clearly not “his” bed, right down to the comforter, and the hand that was flung out so that it nearly touched his nose. No mean feat, as Hankyung eyed the bed and wondered if they could easily fit two more people between them. He pondered the curled fingertips, chasing the errant thought of bending to kiss them, before they twitched… a sure sign their owner was waking.
Siwon’s slightly sleepy smile was a sight he was not regretting waking up to.
“Good morning… How did you sleep?”
“Too good,” Hankyung said. “I think I’m spoiled for anything else.”
“Good!” Siwon smiled, looking far too pleased with himself. “Before I go, I wanted to show you the bathroom. It’s… a bit technical.”
A technical bathroom? Siwon had all but popped out of bed, cheerful on a good night’s rest. Hankyung, eyeing the distance to be walked around the bed, crawled across it instead as that seemed the quickest route. And followed Siwon.
He nearly snatched his foot back as the tile under it… was warm. Siwon led him fully into the bathroom, a full bank of mirrors topping two spacious sinks, a glass enclosed shower that looked big enough for half of Super Junior at least, and something tucked behind a low wall that he could not see.
Siwon was… almost apologetic about it.
“This was built for us in trade, so the company would get publicity for saying we had one like it… It’s almost always fully off, since this house is rarely used, but… Here you have it. The shower is the most complicated thing…”
An input pad for temperature, several dials and knobs for spray and cross-spray. Siwon turned it on in example and his eyes nearly crossed, trying to find which undulating stream was coming from where. He was about to conceded defeat when Siwon demonstrated the radio function.
“More options than a car!” Hankyung said with amazement as something caught his eye. “What’s the second shower head for?”
One was spraying as normal, while on the opposite wall, the other was not running.
“Oh, that can be turned on. It’s so…”
So two people could shower together. This was the master suite after all. He felt heat rise in his cheeks as Siwon flipped the switch. They stood in silence several moments, watching the twin sprays. The images in his mind were, no doubt, different than the ones in Siwon’s.
“I guess if I can’t figure it out, I’ll go use the other one,” he joked weakly.
“Oh, one last thing, the tub…”
If it could be called a tub… Or was it a lake instead?
Again, he could not stop the amazement. “It’s big enough to swim laps in!”
Almost, he thought, stooping to touch the shiny black stone.
Siwon laughed. “We’ll have to try that sometime.”
Hankyung’s laugh was considerably higher. Had he just said “we?”
He left Siwon to dress, waiting patiently to tell him goodbye as he explored the room, the chairs and ornate, antique wardrobe.
He barely swallowed the gasp as the door opened. It was no wonder. He had seen Siwon in suits before, but this aura… This was quite different. Still a bit flushed and damp, but perfectly pressed, perfectly in control. The sharply tailored pants, the tie in a haze of blue and green. He would have to be dead not to be affected, and his senses where Siwon was concerned had shown themselves to be most certainly alive.
Siwon caught him in a brief hug that gave him no option but to stand there. “Then I’ll see you tonight. I have to go in early this morning.”
“Hey, no ninja hugs,” Hankyung said firmly, pulling Siwon back so that he could squeeze him as well.
Siwon chuckled soft and hot against Hankyung’s neck.
“I guess you know what I need.”
“I’m trying,” he replied, proud he had found a voice that did not sound perverted as he patted Siwon’s back. “Have a good day at work.”
“I’ll try.”
Hankyung stood a moment after Siwon had disappeared, feeling a bit irrationally abandoned. Reluctantly aroused. But, there was always the shower to try, he thought, sending it a wary, interested glance.
***
A maid had informed him breakfast was served when he was halfway to his previous room. He followed her, as that seemed to be what she wanted.
“Master Choi asked us to see if it was all right if we move your belongings into the master suite.”
“That’s fine,” he said. There was no note of censure in her voice, if she thought it weird that her employer was moving another man into his bedroom. If you put it that way… It sounded a little off. He rubbed his head as he sat to eat. They were friends and that was it… No one would think differently.
***
He worried the chopsticks between his fingers and listened to the rice sizzle. If his luck held, Siwon would be home in time to eat hot food and talk with him. He was… a bit lonely, he guessed. The day stretched long when Siwon was gone. He used the well-stocked gym… clearing space to work on dancing as the sound system blasted. He had caught a maid gawking once, but never after. The library held mostly books in Korean. He had found a few in Italian, a few in English. One, a book of poetry, was in archaic Chinese. That had kept him occupied at least an hour. He had challenged himself to translate them into Korean… failed, but tried.
Siwon was directed to the kitchen by a quiet maid, and he smiled as was enveloped in a hug.
“I think your cook and I had words. You might have to keep her from quitting.”
Siwon blinked at him and Hankyung laughed.
“I’m joking. I asked if she minded taking the night off… I wanted to cook.” He shrugged, and nudged up to Siwon, patting him lightly on the chest. “And if I hadn’t, then I couldn’t do this… “Hi honey, how was your day?””
He did not actually get to see Siwon’s reaction to his softened voice and girly tone, so quickly did Siwon pull him close. Hankyung worked an arm loose, to wrap around Siwon as he stroked the back of his neck. He wondered if there was anything to say. All his words seemed inadequate to just this contact. How it affected Siwon, and how it affected him. He raised pleading eyes to the ceiling. Not Siwon. Don’t reward me like this.
The ache was like a mellow honey. He could survive it.
“You’re staying in my room?”
“Of course.”
“Your things were moved?”
“They were. You have nothing to do now but get sick of me.”
“Never,” Siwon said staunchly. “It would be like getting tired of rice.”
Rice was bland, but necessary. It was like being compared to air. He tried to think of anything else. Honking horns, snarling dogs, planes doing loop-de-loops, and it still did nothing to tide the euphoric feeling in him.
“Well that’s good, because we have rice. You haven’t eaten already have you?”
“No… Though I’d eat this even if I had.” He leaned distractingly over Hankyung’s shoulder. “Honey? Should I bring flowers home tomorrow?”
“Why? Have you done something wrong?” Hankyung asked, lifting a spoon of broth for Siwon to taste.
He tried, oh he tried, not to watch Siwon’s lips slide off of the bowl of the spoon. His head whipped back around to the stove, spoon slipped quickly into his own mouth. Subtle. So subtle. Siwon, of course, did not notice anything, merely standing and breathing in the scents of the cooking food. The fact that he was doing so nearly on top of Hankyung’s shoulder… Hankyung could survive anything. Resisting a warm, affectionate Siwon… He took a deep breath, intending to calm himself, and got a big whiff of Siwon instead.
He gritted his teeth, turning with a smile, using his shoulder to push Siwon back a step. “Why don’t you go get comfortable. It’ll be a few minutes.”
“Okay. Thank you…”
It took all the time that Siwon was gone, to push the light buss to the cheek out of his mind. Layers upon layers.
He watched, amazed, as Siwon gulped down the food, as though he were afraid it would disappear from in front of him.
“Hey, you can slow down. There’s plenty. And I can make more.”
“I haven’t been hungry,” Siwon said, fiddling with his spoon. “I’d come home and just not be interested in eating. Some days, it was hard to eat anything. This...”
It warmed him, that Siwon had found any sort of appetite.
“I wondered if I’d have to beg you to cook one night,” Siwon said, eyes amused as they ate. “Not that the cook is bad at all…”
“Just not as familiar. My mother told me to make sure you were getting enough food. If she could have sent some herself, I think she would have.”
He led Siwon by the hand to the surprise he head brought with him. The other members, the other 13 of them, sent what seemed like a ream of messages for Siwon at Hankyung’s request, ranging from scolding to loving and everything in between. Hankyung had printed every bit of it out, and insisted he sit and read it.
There was laughter, and there were tears, Hankyung trying to focus on the words, and not on Siwon’s arm around him. After, they fell asleep beside each other, on opposite sides of the wide, lush bed.
***
They passed over a week that way, Hankyung going to his schedules, and relaxing in the empty house, waiting for Siwon’s arrival. Sometimes they would eat together when Siwon returned home, preparing for sleep, and waking to part with a hug.
Siwon bounded into the bedroom one night, startling Hankyung, who hadn’t expected him so early. Siwon had a habit of texting him when he was about to leave to come home.
“They let me loose!” Siwon said into his shoulder. “Hey.”
“Hey...” he said, squeezing back.
“Should we try it tonight?” Siwon asked, lips curving. “The tub, I mean?”
He stared for a long moment, the thought trickling through him. The tub. The tub, together?
“O...kay?”
Hankyung had stripped, showered, and all but thrown himself into the tub in less than five minutes. Less time it took for Siwon to get to the kitchen and back again. Siwon handed him two glasses when he re-entered the bathroom and, he saw with raised brows, an opened bottle of wine. Fancy.
But he had little time to contemplate, as the next thing he saw was Siwon’s retreating back, removing his suit jacket while still in Hankyung’s line of sight.
He hadn’t considered that Siwon would shower. Oh, he knew it, but knowing it and hearing it while in the same room, hearing the sheets of water deflecting off of limbs and muscles, every sound funneled straight toward him. It was a small blessing he couldn’t see, partitioned as the bathroom was.
There was only, what, wood, cement, tile… between him and wet, naked skin.
By the time the water shut off, hearing Siwon softly mutter to himself, he was thinking this was not the best idea. He wondered if there was a way to extricate himself gracefully from the tub. He had a cramp. He had a fever. (Siwon would probably believe that right now, with the heat that flushed his face.) But he could not think of a suitable enough excuse, before he heard the glass door slide open.
And from the corner of his eye, Siwon was coming this way, with only a towel on, prepared to climb in. He so did not need that image seared into his memory, of watching the towel strain to do its job. But he did not trust himself. He ducked under the water instead. Coward.
He surfaced when he felt Siwon’s foot tap his leg and took check as he slicked back his hair. He was breathing hard, but thankfully back under control.
“Trying to drown yourself without a lifeguard on duty?”
Siwon had settled across from him on the facing bench, just as wet and twice as gorgeous as Hankyung had imagined. It was nice to know his mind was not overstating its case.
He smiled instead, handing Siwon a glass. “I knew you would save me.”
He sipped delicately at the alcohol. He needed control of himself tonight, more than ever.
His original assessment, that the tub was large enough to swim laps in, had been somewhat overstated. While it fit the both of them very comfortably… Had Hankyung not been very aware to keep his feet tucked close, their legs would have tangled. As it was meant, he imagined. Again, for that imaginary married couple, the twin shower heads, and the oblong tub.
He was absolutely positive this was supposed to be a relaxing experience. No different than a sauna or baths. But this was somewhat smaller than either, and his imagination, wine or not, was in perfect working order. Siwon, for his part, had descended into another level of bliss entirely. Eyes closed, palms up and hands relaxed as he wallowed. Siwon relaxing was, he knew, the whole point. Still it gave his eyes liberties he wasn’t expecting… What he had expected was conversation of some variety, and not so much to be focused on Siwon’s mouth, which, tilted up at the corners as it was, made him look very pleased with himself.
He wriggled his shoulders, attempting to force some of the tension out of them. The stunning effect of that was a small tidal wave that lapped lazily up Siwon’s chest. He couldn’t even relax effectively.
“You look lost in thought,” Siwon commented.
Hankyung’s eyes flew to his. What amazing abs you have, was the thought that had gotten him lost that time. And where his eyes had been admiring.
Awkward and embarrassed laughter was always the best shield for covering up things best hidden. Yes, I just want to touch you, he sprightly replied in his head. Carry on.
“Just drifting. Is it as relaxing as you’d hoped?”
“Hot water and good company does that for me.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
They clinked their glasses companionably, and the bright pealing sound shouted into Hankyung’s brain once again, You’re in a couple’s tub! Sharing wine! With someone you…!
He drained the glass out of spite, but forced the discontent out of his face. How far, how fast he had fallen.
***
A meeting ran long, longer than any had since Hankyung had come to stay. He had texted that he would be later than usual, that Hankyung, so faithful at waiting for him, should go to bed. At first he thought Hankyung had waited up for him, and was ready to scold, before he noticed the slightly parted lips and closed eyes and realized… he was asleep. He had fallen asleep in that rather awkward position while waiting for Siwon.
He sank down on the couch beside Hankyung, putting his hand on Hankyung’s shoulder.
“Hyung… If you were tired you should have gone to bed.”
Hankyung woke and half sat up with a groan.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep here,” he said a little ruefully, stretching his neck.
“I sent you that message so you wouldn’t have to wait up,” Siwon said, contrite.
“Don’t worry. Hi…” he said, turning a still sleepy head onto Siwon’s shoulder. “I hope it wasn’t too hard.”
Hankyung melted against him like warmed caramel, still lax from sleep and cuddly with it. It was all he could do not to squeeze him tight, just for being more like a snuggling kitten than anything with claws. Siwon settled for enabling him, drawing him close.
“Shiyuan..” Hankyung whispered.
The name shook him, and he pushed it aside. He must have showered just before settling on the couch, Siwon thought, the scent of soap clear on his skin. It was as comforting to him as an old and cozy blanket. And yet, it was not the scent… it was the person. And then Hankyung stirred, his hand coming up to grip Siwon’s shoulder.
“Your day… how was…?”
“Better now that it’s over. We should go to the room and sleep.”
“Kay.”
With linked arms, they headed down the hall to the room.
“I can feel the warm bed already,” Siwon said with feeling.
“Silly, that’s just me,” Hankyung said with a sleepy laugh as they entered the room.
Hankyung was steadier now, tottering to his own side to strip off his jeans and t-shirt.
Siwon turned his attention back to ridding himself of the constricting shirt. In undershirt and boxers, he curled into a little ball under the covers before turning to look at Hankyung. All he could see was his head, and the satisfied smile that lit his face.
“All set?”
“Yeah. We’ll talk in the morning, okay?” Hankyung murmured.
“Sure. Sleep well.”
He lingered a moment longer on Hankyung’s profile before turning down the light.
***
“Help,” Siwon said the next morning, his voice a bit harried.
Hankyung looked up, eyes level with the collar that was flipped up, and two extended tie ends.
“You know how, though?” he asked, reaching for the tie without thought.
Siwon did some sort of full body wave that fell somewhere between “Hyuuuung” and “But I want you to do it.”
He took a long moment, visualizing how he would tie it on himself, before tucking one end over, up, down… Hyper aware that one of Siwon’s hands had settled on his hip, and that he was watching every move of his hands. He tugged, tightening it with some satisfaction.
“There.”
Siwon’s hand on his back pulled their bodies together and he grunted, head dipped low against Siwon’s neck.
“It’ll be a good day now,” Siwon said.
“Because I tied your tie? Is that good luck?”
“If it’s you! Have a good day too while I’m gone.”
“I’ll try.”
And he sighed as Siwon closed the door behind him.
***
Siwon’s fingers stopped just short of touching Hankyung’s cheek. He had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Siwon to get home again. He hated to wake him... And though he looked comfortable against the cushions, the half empty glass in his hand lolling to one side... Siwon knew he couldn’t leave him there, much as he wanted to cover him with a blanket and just let him sleep.
“Hyung...” he said firmly, though soft, stroking Hankyung’s arm. “I’m home. Let’s go to bed, okay?”
There was no response from the sleeping man, and he smiled. He shook Hankyung’s shoulder.
“Hyung, wake up a bit so we can go sleep more comfortably!”
Hankyung moaned feebly, his eyes sliding half open and not focusing.
“Si... Wha...”
His voice was slurred, and Siwon was immediately concerned, feeling his forehead and cheeks for fever. He felt a normal temperature. He must just be exhausted. Siwon slid an arm around Hankyung’s back.
“Come on, I’ll help you.”
It was like helping someone stand who had no muscles. As though Hankyung were in some other world. Or someone who was very, very drunk. He looked at the half full glass with suspicion as he began to guide them toward the hall.
They had barely made it two full steps before all of Hankyung’s control left him, falling forward against Siwon’s arms, and retching. They fell to their knees at the sudden shift in weight and Hankyung’s desperate jerking as he emptied his stomach.
“Hankyung? Hankyung?”
There was no response, just harsh breathing, not even moving to lift himself. Something was wrong, Siwon thought, his stomach clenching. Horribly wrong. Hankyung was no more sturdy than a rag doll in his arms. Not like he was just drunk. And drunk from half a glass, when he did not drink like this to excess.
“Bring the car around the front,” he ordered without pleasantries into his phone.
He cradled Hankyung close, wiping his face with a tissue. “You have to be okay, hyung. You can’t leave me. You can’t..”
Lifting Hankyung in his arms, he carried him toward the door.
***
It was with shaking hands that Siwon called their manager, Hankyung heavy against him in the back seat of the car as they were hurrying to the hospital. He got any instructions he needed, stroking Hankyung’s face and hair and whispering to him.
Coming in the door of the emergency room with an unconscious man put him immediately in the spotlight, telling the nurse all that had happened as a gurney appeared for him to lay Hankyung on. All he had to offer them was the tissue he had wiped Hankyung’s face with, and what he had seen.
They sent him to the waiting room, and he sat for about five seconds before he began to pace, and then sitting again. He wiled away fifteen minutes of his time that way before their manager, Eeteuk and Heechul all came hurrying down the hallway. The members had a three way hug as their manager hurried to check on Hankyung’s status, on what paperwork there was.
“What happened?” Heechul demanded.
“I don’t know,” Siwon said. “I got home, and he was... I thought he was sleeping. I almost left him there, not knowing he was sick...”
Their manager’s face was grim as he walked over.
“They’re setting him up with IVs. They think he overdosed on alcohol and sleeping pills. Wanted to know if he was depressed.”
“No way!” Siwon protested. “There’s no way he would do that. Not to his parents or to us. He wasn’t depressed. We were tog... He was happy.”
“That’s what I told them. We won’t know for sure until he can wake up and tell us. They said it was good he threw up, because it got more of it out of him. He’ll have to spend the night probably while it works its way out of him.”
Siwon’s heart froze as a thought hit him. “If I hadn’t found him, if we hadn’t come here... He could have died?”
“If he didn’t take pills, who gave them to him?” Heechul asked.
Siwon stared at him. “You think someone at my house might have done this?”
“Did he go anywhere today? Who else? We have...”
“We’ll find out,” their manager interrupted. “Everyone just have a seat, and calm down. We should be able to see him once they get him into a room.”
Hankyung in a hospital bed, possibly put there by someone from his own house, because Hankyung had come to be with him. He leaned into Eeteuk’s arm, and wished he could turn off the thoughts.
***
They were all frozen in the doorway of the hospital room, stunned by the sight of the vibrant Hankyung reclined amid monitors and dripping bags. Siwon’s muscles moved first, moving past them until he stood by Hankyung’s side. He grasped the cool, soft hand in his own, holding gently, and startled when Hankyung’s eyes peeked open, raising to his face.
“Si...won...” he breathed.
“It’s okay,” Siwon told him, touching his face, straightening the blanket. “I’m here. Sleep. I love you.”
“Stay...”
“Yes, I will. I’ll be here.”
“I’ll stay,” Hankyung whispered, and his eyes slid closed as his breathing evened again, deeply asleep.
They passed the night that way, Siwon in the chair beside Hankyung’s bed, and Eeteuk finally leaving to go home, leaving Heechul to sleep on the window bench. Hankyung had woken once more during the night, soothed back to sleep by Siwon’s words.
But his smile when he woke in the morning, was enough to put tears in Siwon’s eyes. And they learned exactly what had happened. Who had given him the laced drink. He had wanted to wait for Siwon, so he hadn’t drank much, but it had been enough to have knocked him solidly off his feet. Police would have arrested the maid long before Hankyung ever had to put his foot back inside of Siwon’s house.
And though it pained Siwon to do it, even on no sleep he knew he had to go to work. And he left Hankyung in Heechul’s care, knowing that they would go to his house. And so thankful Heechul would be with him until Siwon could return.
***
Part two tomorrow~~
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung
Genre: Angst/Fluff/Romance
Summary: When Siwon is forced to take a short leave of absence from Super Junior, Hankyung has no idea what he'll find when they're reunited. Or what they'll find out about each other.
A/N: This was started way back, my first "big" endeavor into SuJu fic, and started before I had a good grasp of where they lived and assorted things... Take big glaring errors with grains of salt, please. <3 It wasn't the first fic for SuJu I wrote (Dissolving was), but it was among the first... It's been so long moldering in a back corner waiting to be looked at that I'm desperate to just have it out. So, here we are. <3
***
It had not started innocently. There were no smiles. There had only been a phone call, and the three of them that had been there to witness it, Eunhyuk, Shindong, Ryeowook, had been able to say only that Siwon had appeared troubled by it, had said that there was a car waiting for him, and that he had left.
Both Eeteuk and Hankyung had tried to call, text. But for those worried well, there was nothing for hours. Until Siwon walked through the door, looking tired and frustrated. It was hard to say who got to him first… Hankyung or Ryeowook.
“Is everything all right?”
“Are you all right?”
The questions melded together as Siwon looked at them, bemused as he saw most of the rest seated behind them.
“I’m all right… I have some news to share. But… give me a few minutes?”
They waited in near silence, Ryeowook jumping at Hankyung’s side as there was a loud thump from the direction of Siwon’s room. Drawers being opened and closed. Something almost assuredly being kicked in frustration.
He emerged, a little less in control of his emotions than before. There had clearly been tears shed… But his body language was saying clearly, “Don’t touch.”
“I’m taking a leave…” He paused, searching for the words. “A leave of absence from our activities for a couple of months.”
A chorus of Whats and Whys followed.
“My… my parents have officially requested that I take a leave to take some time while they are both well to learn about our company, in the event that it might be me running it one day. Or at least involved in it in some way. They want me to focus on it for a couple months, while our schedules are less full. Management has cleared it. I start tomorrow.”
Hankyung stood as Eeteuk spoke.
“They just arranged it without asking you?”
“They did ask me. They just knew there was no way for me to refuse.”
“It’s good they are asking you to take this opportunity to learn, instead of trying to make you leave Super Junior entirely. I hope we can help somehow.”
Siwon took Hankyung’s offered hand, squeezed it.
“That is another thing… While I focus, I won’t be able to see any of the members. For one month.”
Shocked gasps.
“They wanted it for the full time, but… I couldn’t agree to that. We settled on a month.”
“Siwon…”
“Respect my wishes. Please. Give me one month. That’s all I ask.”
Eeteuk rested a hand on Kangin’s shoulder, who was ready to go out blustering to protect one of their own from the troubles of the world.
“Of course we’ll respect your wishes. But if your mind changes… You’ll be sure to call, won’t you? You know we love you, and want to do everything we can.”
“Yes, Teukie hyung. I’ll let you know.”
***
But whether they expected him to or not… Siwon had asked them not to see him, but he had not said they could not communicate. Hankyung texted not long after, that night, just to see…
“If I can’t see you, could you let me know how you are feeling? Phone is always with me.”
And he had not lied. He had not paid so much attention to an object in his life. Constantly with it in his hand, peering at the screen. He all but bathed with it, waiting for a message that might never come.
His perseverance was rewarded. Three days later, his phone chimed, and he nearly dropped it as it slid open.
“It was not a good day. Thank you, I thought of this. Tomorrow will be better.”
His hand tightened until he heard the plastic of the phone creak.
The message was no doubted intended to make Hankyung feel better. In reality, it did quite the opposite.
How could he go off and do this on his own? It had been Siwon who had come to him first, as the M team was assembled and leadership stared him like a blinding train light. Come to me if you need anything, Siwon had said, even just an ear… You’re not alone. How Siwon had smiled when asked if he was going to be Hankyung’s bodyguard again. Yes, Siwon replied, because this is a project you will end up alive in.
***
It had been one month and two days. There had been texts. There had been calls. None were acknowledged. Someone suggested stalking him at work, but that seemed awkward and not nearly permanent enough.
It took two days to clear someone staying with Siwon on a probationary period with management. To emphasize the closeness of the group, had been one argument. When there had been no objections, Hankyung stood up and had not moved, as arguments flew about why he should or should not be the one to go. It took several minutes before anyone, Eeteuk or anyone else had noticed that he hadn’t said a word since saying it would be him.
“Hankyung… You had something to say?”
“He needs one of us. It should be me. He needs me. Please, let me go.”
Eeteuk was quiet as he thought but he nodded.
“I agree, you know. I should be you. You can go to your activities just as well from there.”
“We don’t want him seen as a distraction.”
“They are close. It won’t be. As a leader himself, he will know if he is.”
He would have fought Eeteuk if he had to. He was glad that he hadn’t.
But it had not been two hours before he was ringing the bell of the Choi residence in the city that Siwon had been sent to. He had his suitcase, had been ushered courteously into the living room to wait. And there he stayed. Waiting for Siwon and determined to stay. He had gotten this far. He wouldn’t be turned away now.
***
Hankyung’s breath caught as Siwon appeared, his head down as he loosened his tie. He looked up, and stopped dead in his tracks, finally spotting Hankyung leaning against the large suitcase. His hand dropped from where it had been loosening his tie.
“Hyung.”
“I don’t care if you make me sleep in a closet. I’m not leaving.”
Siwon stared as if he had seen an accident he couldn’t look away from.
“Why are you here?” Where there had once been a gentle smile, there was coolness, misery. It broke his heart to see it.
“Because we miss you. I miss you. I wanted... You said a month. It’s been a month, and we couldn’t get ahold of you...”
He reached out and gripped Siwon’s arm. Siwon stared down at Hankyung’s hand as if he had been shot. The muscles tensed, and began to shake. Hankyung had a terrible thought.
“In all this time… Did no one touch you?”
“No,” Siwon said, his voice low and tight.
“And you touched no one.”
“No.”
“Why?” The world exploded from him as he yanked Siwon close, so stiff and struggling for control as Hankyung hugged him with something near desperation, hands fisting in Siwon’s jacket.
“Stupid. Stupid.”
Siwon panted as though he had trouble drawing air, before breaking, arms nearly crushing Hankyung as they banded tight around him. And still he trembled.
He slapped a hand against Siwon’s back.
“How could you do this to yourself?! To us?! You could have called any of us, any time of day, and we would have been here. Did you have to suffer alone? Don’t you know that hurts us too?”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry. Just swear to me you’ll never do it again. I don’t wanted to have to break your handsome head. There are a lot of people out there who would hate me for it.”
The chuckle was good to feel, and he patted the back of Siwon’s head when he heard it.
“Thank you,” he said. “Even if I’d promised, I should have… I should have.”
“Who knew Siwon’s head was so stubborn? Have to carry it all alone. And you should thank me, you know. I had to step on more than a few heads and feet to be the one who was standing here tonight. I bet their ears are still ringing, and not one of them has any idea what I was saying even as I steamed out the door.”
Another chuckle. Hankyung thumped him on the back again.
“That’s from everyone.” And squeezed as tight as his arms would allow. “And so is this.”
“And you’re staying?”
“Try and get me leave, after all this trouble. We’re like conjoined twins after this. If you can’t take care of yourself, someone has to.”
“A big word!”
Hankyung said something short and rude in Chinese, and earned a full, true giggle in response. Siwon was still in there, he thought with as much contentedness as he had found in the last month, and sighed. They had not waited too long.
The unexpected wetness dripping down his neck sent sympathetic prickles into his own eyes. He slid his hand up under Siwon’s jacket, stroking the warmth of his back through the shirt.
“Tell me,” he said.
They ended up on the couch, Hankyung supported in a corner as he cradled Siwon’s head on his shoulder, both of his legs draped across Siwon’s thighs. The tears had been brief, ending as Siwon began to speak of the long days, the stress and confusion, the loneliness.
“Why did your parents ask that you not have any contact?”
“They suggested it, thinking I’d be too distracted. I agreed because I thought maybe I could concentrate and do a better job. Make you all proud. You all were continuing on, doing so well…”
“So you locked yourself in the tower, thinking we didn’t need you any more. We need Siwon, a lot. Don’t you forget it. I don’t know how many times people have said how they’ve brought you up in interviews, how proud they are of you. We need someone to tell Heechul to be nice, and give us hugs, and no one can do that the way Siwon can. I started to text “I miss you” or “We miss you” so many times, but I didn’t want to make it harder on you. That was how you asked us to support you, and we… we tried.”
Siwon clutched him closer when he heard Hankyung’s voice crack. “Hyung, don’t cry for me.”
“Then for who? Me? If I chased any of your fears away, I’m glad.”
Siwon chucked. “Does that mean you rescued me from the tower?”
“Don’t say that yet. We still need to escape the wicked witch.”
“Together.”
“Together,” he confirmed.
“Did they really think we would distract you?”
“They wanted me focused. They wanted it for the full time, but I refused. One month to get used to things, then I will deal with my friends my way.”
He tried to imagine Siwon making demands as control was being stripped out of his hands.
“And SM assured you your place was secure.”
“I’ll be free to join Super Junior and all its activities that our manager requested. And he assured me I’d have a place. That helped a lot. They have a finite date to start working me back in. And you swear you’re not changing your schedule for me.”
“Time for bed!”
“Hankyung hyung.”
He sighed. “Everything that is on my schedule was on there a month ago. Nothing has been removed.” Nothing added, either. “I’ll have to leave every once in a while. I swear, Super Junior won’t just have 12 members when you get back because they’ve sent me down to learn with the new trainees.”
“I won’t jeopardize your future.”
“You couldn’t,” Hankyung said, leaning into Siwon’s hug. “I’m your twin, remember?”
Siwon left him to sleep in a tastefully decorated room, one that would’ve housed several member’s beds if he was eying it correctly. Still, the mattress was lovely, and he slept, thinking of Siwon.
***
Hankyung woke halfway through the night to find a pair of knees pressing into the backs of his, and warm breath slowly puffing against the back of his neck. Siwon. He would know that scent anywhere. Too long away from people who cared, he mused, turning over carefully until he faced Siwon. He touched the slack face, the parted lips. Siwon like this, he was so… Hankyung let a cautious breath hiss through his teeth as he withdrew his hand. Careful, he told himself, this one is not for you. It should be torture to stay so close, but it was not, not really. He was glad to give anything back to Siwon that he could. He turned back around, scooting back until their knees touched again, tugging the covers up closer over them.
Siwon mumbled something, freezing him for a moment, before Siwon’s arm wrapped around him, holding him against Siwon’s chest. Hankyung sighed, relaxing into the hold. Careful, he thought again, this is the one man you cannot fall in love with. And sleep claimed him.
He was alone when he woke, but he heard the shower running as he stretched. It was a very homey sound to him, as one who had lived in close quarters with so many for so long.
He stood as the door opened, intending to trade places with Siwon. At least, he was fairly certain he stood. He wasn’t particularly sure, as the creature who exited the bathroom was clad only in a towel and rivulets and drops of water. It wasn’t as though he’d never seen Siwon like this before… But the refresher course was somewhat stunning. He was thankful for the towel draped over Siwon’s head, because it gave him precious seconds to compose himself. And also to notice that it hadn’t been his imagination. Siwon had gotten thinner. He let the towel drape around his shoulders, and smiled when he saw Hankyung was up.
“Good morning… I forgot I hadn’t brought any clothes. I…” He bit his lip as he peered at the bed. “I hope I didn’t disturb you last night.”
“Of course you didn’t.” Being alone was probably more disturbing.
His eye was hit with a strand of wet hair, but he couldn’t find it in him to care, his face pressed against warm, damp skin as Siwon hugged him. Clutched him, was more like, as if had just been saved from falling off of a cliff.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” His eyes squeezed closed as Siwon’s mouth met his cheek for an enthusiastic kiss. “I’ll actually look forward to coming back tonight.”
He pushed Siwon back gently. “Then you’d better get dressed and go so you can!”
Siwon grinned, would have gone back for a second hug if Hankyung hadn’t given him a shove, laughing as he shut the door behind him. Of course, as his hand cupped his cheek, he realized that Siwon was navigating the hall in only a towel.
***
Siwon was home late, and he listened for his arrival from the library where he had planted himself. He had barely gotten his eyes on Siwon when he realized that there would be nothing that night but sleep, from the shadows in Siwon’s eyes. Still, they hugged, Siwon burrowing close before they said their goodnights. When he turned off the light that night, he did not feel as though he was in such an unfamiliar place.
He was woken by a hand stroking his arm. He was half upright before he was awake.
“What? Something…” He put a hand to his face and adjusted his brain back into Korean. “Is something wrong?”
“I’m sorry. I think we need to change.”
Why were they whispering? Hankyung wondered, tugged out of bed by Siwon’s insistent hand. He nearly stumbled around the edge of the bed, but was steadied when Siwon pulled him closer. He squinted in the recessed lighting of the hall, half lost as they turned this way down a hall, and that way, their bare feet making barely a sound. But even his sleepy brain recognized the ajar door of the master suite. He slowed considerably as he was pulled inside, the door shut behind him.
The bed was a wide river in the room, covered in smoky gray.
“I haven’t slept well all the last month. I slept really well last night in your room… And barely since. It feels like you’re on the other side of the earth, and since I know you’re here…”
“I’ll stay,” Hankyung said, twitching at Siwon’s hand on his lower back. “All you had to do was ask.”
“We’ll see if it suits you… You don’t have to stay forever, and it’s okay if…”
“Let’s sleep, okay?” he said with a laugh. “We’ll work it out.”
He started to crawl onto the bed, and nearly cooed out loud at the warmth that seeped into his palms. He grinned brightly up at Siwon, who, on the other side, had clearly been watching for his reaction.
“Yeah, I could get used to this.”
He sank gratefully into the warmed sheets… The air was just a touch cool, and it made the bed that much more comforting. Siwon turned down the lights, with a remote, and for a moment nearly disappeared beneath the blankets, just a lump several feet away.
“Hey,” Hankyung said, waiting for Siwon to look toward him. “Thanks for coming to get me… That means a lot.”
“Thanks for… for everything.”
***
It had taken less than a moment to orient himself to where he was, with the quiet warmth of the heating pad oozing into his shoulder, and light that just barely peeked through the filtering curtains. It was clearly not “his” bed, right down to the comforter, and the hand that was flung out so that it nearly touched his nose. No mean feat, as Hankyung eyed the bed and wondered if they could easily fit two more people between them. He pondered the curled fingertips, chasing the errant thought of bending to kiss them, before they twitched… a sure sign their owner was waking.
Siwon’s slightly sleepy smile was a sight he was not regretting waking up to.
“Good morning… How did you sleep?”
“Too good,” Hankyung said. “I think I’m spoiled for anything else.”
“Good!” Siwon smiled, looking far too pleased with himself. “Before I go, I wanted to show you the bathroom. It’s… a bit technical.”
A technical bathroom? Siwon had all but popped out of bed, cheerful on a good night’s rest. Hankyung, eyeing the distance to be walked around the bed, crawled across it instead as that seemed the quickest route. And followed Siwon.
He nearly snatched his foot back as the tile under it… was warm. Siwon led him fully into the bathroom, a full bank of mirrors topping two spacious sinks, a glass enclosed shower that looked big enough for half of Super Junior at least, and something tucked behind a low wall that he could not see.
Siwon was… almost apologetic about it.
“This was built for us in trade, so the company would get publicity for saying we had one like it… It’s almost always fully off, since this house is rarely used, but… Here you have it. The shower is the most complicated thing…”
An input pad for temperature, several dials and knobs for spray and cross-spray. Siwon turned it on in example and his eyes nearly crossed, trying to find which undulating stream was coming from where. He was about to conceded defeat when Siwon demonstrated the radio function.
“More options than a car!” Hankyung said with amazement as something caught his eye. “What’s the second shower head for?”
One was spraying as normal, while on the opposite wall, the other was not running.
“Oh, that can be turned on. It’s so…”
So two people could shower together. This was the master suite after all. He felt heat rise in his cheeks as Siwon flipped the switch. They stood in silence several moments, watching the twin sprays. The images in his mind were, no doubt, different than the ones in Siwon’s.
“I guess if I can’t figure it out, I’ll go use the other one,” he joked weakly.
“Oh, one last thing, the tub…”
If it could be called a tub… Or was it a lake instead?
Again, he could not stop the amazement. “It’s big enough to swim laps in!”
Almost, he thought, stooping to touch the shiny black stone.
Siwon laughed. “We’ll have to try that sometime.”
Hankyung’s laugh was considerably higher. Had he just said “we?”
He left Siwon to dress, waiting patiently to tell him goodbye as he explored the room, the chairs and ornate, antique wardrobe.
He barely swallowed the gasp as the door opened. It was no wonder. He had seen Siwon in suits before, but this aura… This was quite different. Still a bit flushed and damp, but perfectly pressed, perfectly in control. The sharply tailored pants, the tie in a haze of blue and green. He would have to be dead not to be affected, and his senses where Siwon was concerned had shown themselves to be most certainly alive.
Siwon caught him in a brief hug that gave him no option but to stand there. “Then I’ll see you tonight. I have to go in early this morning.”
“Hey, no ninja hugs,” Hankyung said firmly, pulling Siwon back so that he could squeeze him as well.
Siwon chuckled soft and hot against Hankyung’s neck.
“I guess you know what I need.”
“I’m trying,” he replied, proud he had found a voice that did not sound perverted as he patted Siwon’s back. “Have a good day at work.”
“I’ll try.”
Hankyung stood a moment after Siwon had disappeared, feeling a bit irrationally abandoned. Reluctantly aroused. But, there was always the shower to try, he thought, sending it a wary, interested glance.
***
A maid had informed him breakfast was served when he was halfway to his previous room. He followed her, as that seemed to be what she wanted.
“Master Choi asked us to see if it was all right if we move your belongings into the master suite.”
“That’s fine,” he said. There was no note of censure in her voice, if she thought it weird that her employer was moving another man into his bedroom. If you put it that way… It sounded a little off. He rubbed his head as he sat to eat. They were friends and that was it… No one would think differently.
***
He worried the chopsticks between his fingers and listened to the rice sizzle. If his luck held, Siwon would be home in time to eat hot food and talk with him. He was… a bit lonely, he guessed. The day stretched long when Siwon was gone. He used the well-stocked gym… clearing space to work on dancing as the sound system blasted. He had caught a maid gawking once, but never after. The library held mostly books in Korean. He had found a few in Italian, a few in English. One, a book of poetry, was in archaic Chinese. That had kept him occupied at least an hour. He had challenged himself to translate them into Korean… failed, but tried.
Siwon was directed to the kitchen by a quiet maid, and he smiled as was enveloped in a hug.
“I think your cook and I had words. You might have to keep her from quitting.”
Siwon blinked at him and Hankyung laughed.
“I’m joking. I asked if she minded taking the night off… I wanted to cook.” He shrugged, and nudged up to Siwon, patting him lightly on the chest. “And if I hadn’t, then I couldn’t do this… “Hi honey, how was your day?””
He did not actually get to see Siwon’s reaction to his softened voice and girly tone, so quickly did Siwon pull him close. Hankyung worked an arm loose, to wrap around Siwon as he stroked the back of his neck. He wondered if there was anything to say. All his words seemed inadequate to just this contact. How it affected Siwon, and how it affected him. He raised pleading eyes to the ceiling. Not Siwon. Don’t reward me like this.
The ache was like a mellow honey. He could survive it.
“You’re staying in my room?”
“Of course.”
“Your things were moved?”
“They were. You have nothing to do now but get sick of me.”
“Never,” Siwon said staunchly. “It would be like getting tired of rice.”
Rice was bland, but necessary. It was like being compared to air. He tried to think of anything else. Honking horns, snarling dogs, planes doing loop-de-loops, and it still did nothing to tide the euphoric feeling in him.
“Well that’s good, because we have rice. You haven’t eaten already have you?”
“No… Though I’d eat this even if I had.” He leaned distractingly over Hankyung’s shoulder. “Honey? Should I bring flowers home tomorrow?”
“Why? Have you done something wrong?” Hankyung asked, lifting a spoon of broth for Siwon to taste.
He tried, oh he tried, not to watch Siwon’s lips slide off of the bowl of the spoon. His head whipped back around to the stove, spoon slipped quickly into his own mouth. Subtle. So subtle. Siwon, of course, did not notice anything, merely standing and breathing in the scents of the cooking food. The fact that he was doing so nearly on top of Hankyung’s shoulder… Hankyung could survive anything. Resisting a warm, affectionate Siwon… He took a deep breath, intending to calm himself, and got a big whiff of Siwon instead.
He gritted his teeth, turning with a smile, using his shoulder to push Siwon back a step. “Why don’t you go get comfortable. It’ll be a few minutes.”
“Okay. Thank you…”
It took all the time that Siwon was gone, to push the light buss to the cheek out of his mind. Layers upon layers.
He watched, amazed, as Siwon gulped down the food, as though he were afraid it would disappear from in front of him.
“Hey, you can slow down. There’s plenty. And I can make more.”
“I haven’t been hungry,” Siwon said, fiddling with his spoon. “I’d come home and just not be interested in eating. Some days, it was hard to eat anything. This...”
It warmed him, that Siwon had found any sort of appetite.
“I wondered if I’d have to beg you to cook one night,” Siwon said, eyes amused as they ate. “Not that the cook is bad at all…”
“Just not as familiar. My mother told me to make sure you were getting enough food. If she could have sent some herself, I think she would have.”
He led Siwon by the hand to the surprise he head brought with him. The other members, the other 13 of them, sent what seemed like a ream of messages for Siwon at Hankyung’s request, ranging from scolding to loving and everything in between. Hankyung had printed every bit of it out, and insisted he sit and read it.
There was laughter, and there were tears, Hankyung trying to focus on the words, and not on Siwon’s arm around him. After, they fell asleep beside each other, on opposite sides of the wide, lush bed.
***
They passed over a week that way, Hankyung going to his schedules, and relaxing in the empty house, waiting for Siwon’s arrival. Sometimes they would eat together when Siwon returned home, preparing for sleep, and waking to part with a hug.
Siwon bounded into the bedroom one night, startling Hankyung, who hadn’t expected him so early. Siwon had a habit of texting him when he was about to leave to come home.
“They let me loose!” Siwon said into his shoulder. “Hey.”
“Hey...” he said, squeezing back.
“Should we try it tonight?” Siwon asked, lips curving. “The tub, I mean?”
He stared for a long moment, the thought trickling through him. The tub. The tub, together?
“O...kay?”
Hankyung had stripped, showered, and all but thrown himself into the tub in less than five minutes. Less time it took for Siwon to get to the kitchen and back again. Siwon handed him two glasses when he re-entered the bathroom and, he saw with raised brows, an opened bottle of wine. Fancy.
But he had little time to contemplate, as the next thing he saw was Siwon’s retreating back, removing his suit jacket while still in Hankyung’s line of sight.
He hadn’t considered that Siwon would shower. Oh, he knew it, but knowing it and hearing it while in the same room, hearing the sheets of water deflecting off of limbs and muscles, every sound funneled straight toward him. It was a small blessing he couldn’t see, partitioned as the bathroom was.
There was only, what, wood, cement, tile… between him and wet, naked skin.
By the time the water shut off, hearing Siwon softly mutter to himself, he was thinking this was not the best idea. He wondered if there was a way to extricate himself gracefully from the tub. He had a cramp. He had a fever. (Siwon would probably believe that right now, with the heat that flushed his face.) But he could not think of a suitable enough excuse, before he heard the glass door slide open.
And from the corner of his eye, Siwon was coming this way, with only a towel on, prepared to climb in. He so did not need that image seared into his memory, of watching the towel strain to do its job. But he did not trust himself. He ducked under the water instead. Coward.
He surfaced when he felt Siwon’s foot tap his leg and took check as he slicked back his hair. He was breathing hard, but thankfully back under control.
“Trying to drown yourself without a lifeguard on duty?”
Siwon had settled across from him on the facing bench, just as wet and twice as gorgeous as Hankyung had imagined. It was nice to know his mind was not overstating its case.
He smiled instead, handing Siwon a glass. “I knew you would save me.”
He sipped delicately at the alcohol. He needed control of himself tonight, more than ever.
His original assessment, that the tub was large enough to swim laps in, had been somewhat overstated. While it fit the both of them very comfortably… Had Hankyung not been very aware to keep his feet tucked close, their legs would have tangled. As it was meant, he imagined. Again, for that imaginary married couple, the twin shower heads, and the oblong tub.
He was absolutely positive this was supposed to be a relaxing experience. No different than a sauna or baths. But this was somewhat smaller than either, and his imagination, wine or not, was in perfect working order. Siwon, for his part, had descended into another level of bliss entirely. Eyes closed, palms up and hands relaxed as he wallowed. Siwon relaxing was, he knew, the whole point. Still it gave his eyes liberties he wasn’t expecting… What he had expected was conversation of some variety, and not so much to be focused on Siwon’s mouth, which, tilted up at the corners as it was, made him look very pleased with himself.
He wriggled his shoulders, attempting to force some of the tension out of them. The stunning effect of that was a small tidal wave that lapped lazily up Siwon’s chest. He couldn’t even relax effectively.
“You look lost in thought,” Siwon commented.
Hankyung’s eyes flew to his. What amazing abs you have, was the thought that had gotten him lost that time. And where his eyes had been admiring.
Awkward and embarrassed laughter was always the best shield for covering up things best hidden. Yes, I just want to touch you, he sprightly replied in his head. Carry on.
“Just drifting. Is it as relaxing as you’d hoped?”
“Hot water and good company does that for me.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
They clinked their glasses companionably, and the bright pealing sound shouted into Hankyung’s brain once again, You’re in a couple’s tub! Sharing wine! With someone you…!
He drained the glass out of spite, but forced the discontent out of his face. How far, how fast he had fallen.
***
A meeting ran long, longer than any had since Hankyung had come to stay. He had texted that he would be later than usual, that Hankyung, so faithful at waiting for him, should go to bed. At first he thought Hankyung had waited up for him, and was ready to scold, before he noticed the slightly parted lips and closed eyes and realized… he was asleep. He had fallen asleep in that rather awkward position while waiting for Siwon.
He sank down on the couch beside Hankyung, putting his hand on Hankyung’s shoulder.
“Hyung… If you were tired you should have gone to bed.”
Hankyung woke and half sat up with a groan.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep here,” he said a little ruefully, stretching his neck.
“I sent you that message so you wouldn’t have to wait up,” Siwon said, contrite.
“Don’t worry. Hi…” he said, turning a still sleepy head onto Siwon’s shoulder. “I hope it wasn’t too hard.”
Hankyung melted against him like warmed caramel, still lax from sleep and cuddly with it. It was all he could do not to squeeze him tight, just for being more like a snuggling kitten than anything with claws. Siwon settled for enabling him, drawing him close.
“Shiyuan..” Hankyung whispered.
The name shook him, and he pushed it aside. He must have showered just before settling on the couch, Siwon thought, the scent of soap clear on his skin. It was as comforting to him as an old and cozy blanket. And yet, it was not the scent… it was the person. And then Hankyung stirred, his hand coming up to grip Siwon’s shoulder.
“Your day… how was…?”
“Better now that it’s over. We should go to the room and sleep.”
“Kay.”
With linked arms, they headed down the hall to the room.
“I can feel the warm bed already,” Siwon said with feeling.
“Silly, that’s just me,” Hankyung said with a sleepy laugh as they entered the room.
Hankyung was steadier now, tottering to his own side to strip off his jeans and t-shirt.
Siwon turned his attention back to ridding himself of the constricting shirt. In undershirt and boxers, he curled into a little ball under the covers before turning to look at Hankyung. All he could see was his head, and the satisfied smile that lit his face.
“All set?”
“Yeah. We’ll talk in the morning, okay?” Hankyung murmured.
“Sure. Sleep well.”
He lingered a moment longer on Hankyung’s profile before turning down the light.
***
“Help,” Siwon said the next morning, his voice a bit harried.
Hankyung looked up, eyes level with the collar that was flipped up, and two extended tie ends.
“You know how, though?” he asked, reaching for the tie without thought.
Siwon did some sort of full body wave that fell somewhere between “Hyuuuung” and “But I want you to do it.”
He took a long moment, visualizing how he would tie it on himself, before tucking one end over, up, down… Hyper aware that one of Siwon’s hands had settled on his hip, and that he was watching every move of his hands. He tugged, tightening it with some satisfaction.
“There.”
Siwon’s hand on his back pulled their bodies together and he grunted, head dipped low against Siwon’s neck.
“It’ll be a good day now,” Siwon said.
“Because I tied your tie? Is that good luck?”
“If it’s you! Have a good day too while I’m gone.”
“I’ll try.”
And he sighed as Siwon closed the door behind him.
***
Siwon’s fingers stopped just short of touching Hankyung’s cheek. He had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Siwon to get home again. He hated to wake him... And though he looked comfortable against the cushions, the half empty glass in his hand lolling to one side... Siwon knew he couldn’t leave him there, much as he wanted to cover him with a blanket and just let him sleep.
“Hyung...” he said firmly, though soft, stroking Hankyung’s arm. “I’m home. Let’s go to bed, okay?”
There was no response from the sleeping man, and he smiled. He shook Hankyung’s shoulder.
“Hyung, wake up a bit so we can go sleep more comfortably!”
Hankyung moaned feebly, his eyes sliding half open and not focusing.
“Si... Wha...”
His voice was slurred, and Siwon was immediately concerned, feeling his forehead and cheeks for fever. He felt a normal temperature. He must just be exhausted. Siwon slid an arm around Hankyung’s back.
“Come on, I’ll help you.”
It was like helping someone stand who had no muscles. As though Hankyung were in some other world. Or someone who was very, very drunk. He looked at the half full glass with suspicion as he began to guide them toward the hall.
They had barely made it two full steps before all of Hankyung’s control left him, falling forward against Siwon’s arms, and retching. They fell to their knees at the sudden shift in weight and Hankyung’s desperate jerking as he emptied his stomach.
“Hankyung? Hankyung?”
There was no response, just harsh breathing, not even moving to lift himself. Something was wrong, Siwon thought, his stomach clenching. Horribly wrong. Hankyung was no more sturdy than a rag doll in his arms. Not like he was just drunk. And drunk from half a glass, when he did not drink like this to excess.
“Bring the car around the front,” he ordered without pleasantries into his phone.
He cradled Hankyung close, wiping his face with a tissue. “You have to be okay, hyung. You can’t leave me. You can’t..”
Lifting Hankyung in his arms, he carried him toward the door.
***
It was with shaking hands that Siwon called their manager, Hankyung heavy against him in the back seat of the car as they were hurrying to the hospital. He got any instructions he needed, stroking Hankyung’s face and hair and whispering to him.
Coming in the door of the emergency room with an unconscious man put him immediately in the spotlight, telling the nurse all that had happened as a gurney appeared for him to lay Hankyung on. All he had to offer them was the tissue he had wiped Hankyung’s face with, and what he had seen.
They sent him to the waiting room, and he sat for about five seconds before he began to pace, and then sitting again. He wiled away fifteen minutes of his time that way before their manager, Eeteuk and Heechul all came hurrying down the hallway. The members had a three way hug as their manager hurried to check on Hankyung’s status, on what paperwork there was.
“What happened?” Heechul demanded.
“I don’t know,” Siwon said. “I got home, and he was... I thought he was sleeping. I almost left him there, not knowing he was sick...”
Their manager’s face was grim as he walked over.
“They’re setting him up with IVs. They think he overdosed on alcohol and sleeping pills. Wanted to know if he was depressed.”
“No way!” Siwon protested. “There’s no way he would do that. Not to his parents or to us. He wasn’t depressed. We were tog... He was happy.”
“That’s what I told them. We won’t know for sure until he can wake up and tell us. They said it was good he threw up, because it got more of it out of him. He’ll have to spend the night probably while it works its way out of him.”
Siwon’s heart froze as a thought hit him. “If I hadn’t found him, if we hadn’t come here... He could have died?”
“If he didn’t take pills, who gave them to him?” Heechul asked.
Siwon stared at him. “You think someone at my house might have done this?”
“Did he go anywhere today? Who else? We have...”
“We’ll find out,” their manager interrupted. “Everyone just have a seat, and calm down. We should be able to see him once they get him into a room.”
Hankyung in a hospital bed, possibly put there by someone from his own house, because Hankyung had come to be with him. He leaned into Eeteuk’s arm, and wished he could turn off the thoughts.
***
They were all frozen in the doorway of the hospital room, stunned by the sight of the vibrant Hankyung reclined amid monitors and dripping bags. Siwon’s muscles moved first, moving past them until he stood by Hankyung’s side. He grasped the cool, soft hand in his own, holding gently, and startled when Hankyung’s eyes peeked open, raising to his face.
“Si...won...” he breathed.
“It’s okay,” Siwon told him, touching his face, straightening the blanket. “I’m here. Sleep. I love you.”
“Stay...”
“Yes, I will. I’ll be here.”
“I’ll stay,” Hankyung whispered, and his eyes slid closed as his breathing evened again, deeply asleep.
They passed the night that way, Siwon in the chair beside Hankyung’s bed, and Eeteuk finally leaving to go home, leaving Heechul to sleep on the window bench. Hankyung had woken once more during the night, soothed back to sleep by Siwon’s words.
But his smile when he woke in the morning, was enough to put tears in Siwon’s eyes. And they learned exactly what had happened. Who had given him the laced drink. He had wanted to wait for Siwon, so he hadn’t drank much, but it had been enough to have knocked him solidly off his feet. Police would have arrested the maid long before Hankyung ever had to put his foot back inside of Siwon’s house.
And though it pained Siwon to do it, even on no sleep he knew he had to go to work. And he left Hankyung in Heechul’s care, knowing that they would go to his house. And so thankful Heechul would be with him until Siwon could return.
***
Part two tomorrow~~