[Fic] For Always - 7/24
Title: For Always
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight
***
Chapter Seven
***
Zhou Mi paused a moment as Hankyung entered. “Does Kui Xian know you’re here?” he asked in Mandarin.
“He’s out running errands,” Hankyung replied in the same manner. “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
He waited a moment for Zhou Mi to settle down, eying him with some concentration.
“So, I try and not meddle in the affairs of my friends…”
“Like last night?”
Ah-ha. So Zhou Mi was wise to him. “Was that why you wouldn’t go with him?”
“More or less.”
“This is confidential information, but I’ve been getting complaints about you inviting him to dinner for the last month or two.”
Zhou Mi snorted.
“So,” Hankyung continued. “I’m confused as to why you wouldn’t grasp the opportunity when it was beating you over your head. If you’d kept your mouth shut, he’d have been walking out the door with you.”
At this, Zhou Mi looked contemplative and his answer was the one Hankyung had been expecting. “I know he could have said no, but I wanted him to want to go. Not… to decide it was okay if it was something he was caught off guard about, because he still might have felt tricked.”
“What if he can’t give you what you want?”
“Then he can’t.”
“Did you hate yourself all night for not shutting up and going anyway?”
“Of course.”
Hankyung laughed at the honest answer.
“Why…” Zhou Mi paused. “Why aren’t you with him? You seem close, and he’s…”
“We just never clicked that way… I mean, granted I know he’s good looking, but he was a bit more gangly in high school.” He capped that with a wry grin. “When we met, I was dating someone, and he was hurting from… Well. He was hurting. So we became friends, and yeah. Can’t even imagine thinking of him that way now.”
“And your type runs toward lean muscles and dimples?” Zhou Mi queried as Hankyung stared, “I’ve seen him, and I don’t question that decision at all. I probably would’ve waited for him to run past my window every morning, too.”
“Where can I bury you where you will never be found? Our conversation must drift back in here.”
“It does. And don’t worry, I have no one to tell since Kui Xian already knows.”
“Well. Good. Don’t hurt him.”
“I don’t want to,” Zhou Mi said, his voice quiet.
Hankyung stepped a bit closer to the table, nudging one of the books so carefully set on it.
“He loves these old books, but he hates them too. I can’t tell you but just… don’t forget the person who owns them. That he is someone.”
Zhou Mi frowned, but nodded. “I don’t know why you’re telling me when we don’t know each other well, but thank you.”
“I like what I’ve seen and heard of you. And Kyuhyun would never have let you back here or to keep coming back if he didn’t see something worthwhile about you. So I hope we get to know each other better.”
Zhou Mi smiled widely. “Me too. Maybe we can double date..?”
Hankyung laughed. “You’re not getting anywhere near Siwon alone until I have blackmail material to keep your mouth shut. Besides, he and I aren’t dating.”
“I think I’m falling in love with your best friend. That’s the only secret I have.”
That wasn’t a shock to him to hear it, but to see the wistfulness on Zhou Mi’s face, and to remember the blank shock on Kyuhyun’s…
“Then I’d apologize to him for last night.”
“He won’t agree to eat with me tonight.”
“No… But at least he’ll know you still want to.”
The smiled in mutual understanding before Hankyung left, really hoping this meddling wasn’t going to turn into a fiasco.
***
Kyuhyun had been torn between relief that Zhou Mi had cut him off before he could agree, and slick worry that Zhou Mi’s quick departure meant... Whatever it meant. That he was through trying with Kyuhyun, that he had never been that interested to begin with, that he was pulling away because he planned to leave. He had come up with about a dozen reasons, and none of them he liked. And yet, he was still just that small bit relieved.
He was in the back room retrieving extra pricing stickers when Zhou Mi returned from lunch, hair a bit rumpled from him pulling off the knitted cap that had been keeping his ears warm. In the corner as he was, it took Zhou Mi several seconds to notice him, freezing in the process of unwinding his pale yellow scarf, the one that made him resemble nothing so much as an artificial sunbeam.
They hadn’t actually spoken all day. Zhou Mi had ducked into the back room without so much as a smile the moment he arrived. Now he yanked off his gloves, unbuttoning the wool pea coat with quick fingers. It was all left in a somewhat messy pile as Zhou Mi walked to him. He didn’t like the line of worry between Zhou Mi’s brows, didn’t like that he’d been standing with his hand in a box and staring for the last minute either. This he wasn’t escaping. They didn’t see each other so often standing, and though he was not short by any means, he felt smaller than he liked with Zhou Mi peering anxiously down at him. He was a generous two feet away, and Kyuhyun still felt crowded.
“I’m sorry, Kui Xian,” Kyuhyun heard as he fished uselessly in the box, as though that was going to solve the immediate problem.
“For what?” he grunted, gripping the box of tags like a lifeline. Sorry for any one of those things he had wondered about...?
“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t want you to have to go if you didn’t want to, so I didn’t let you answer. I’m sorry.”
It was a nicer, more noble answer than anything he had put together. And instead of it sounding like Zhou Mi was finished with him, it sounded more like he was taking greater care.
“I haven’t ever agreed to go with you, so I can’t imagine why you’d be apologizing like I was just waiting for you to ask. Don’t worry about it.”
His inhale was sharp when Zhou Mi’s arm prevented him from leaving.
“I still want to go eat with you, Kui Xian.”
“You’re obsessed with food,” he muttered in the direction of Zhou Mi’s shoulder. There was a palm pressed distractingly to the edge of his stomach.
“It doesn’t have to be to eat then. Just to go somewhere and talk... Go to a museum, or a movie, or...? Anywhere with you.”
He actually felt the tremble inside at Zhou Mi’s urgent words.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, pushing at Zhou Mi’s arm.
“Why?” Zhou Mi’s hand gripped where it had only pressed lightly before, long fingers curving around the edge of his waist nearly painfully. “Why?”
Because you’re leaving. Because you’re too close to me. Because if you don’t let go of me right now, you’ll feel me start shaking.
Because I want to.
“Why can’t you just be content with my breaks?” he asked, prying at Zhou Mi’s hand.
“I want more,” Zhou Mi said, his opposite hand settling so lightly on Kyuhyun’s shoulder.
It was the touch, more than the words, that made him look up, fully aware he was nearly in the circle of Zhou Mi’s arms. Zhou Mi’s eyes were worried, wary, full of hope. There was something else there in those eyes that he couldn’t begin to describe, any more than he could say what it made him feel. Warm and cool and squirming inside.
His eyes squeezed shut as Zhou Mi brushed his fingers gently against Kyuhyun’s cheekbone.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you. Please don’t stop coming back here.”
This time he did shudder, a near-painful tingle running along his spine. Zhou Mi’s arm withdrew, though his hand stayed there on his shoulder.
He stared down at the box of tags, forgetting that that had been what he had come back here to get.
“I won’t stop,” he said, letting his legs propel him to the door.
It took hours for the sensation of Zhou Mi’s hand clutching at him to fade. At least to fade enough to where he was not utterly distracted, and it lasted till after he had locked up. He had sat silently in his chair for the whole of his break, the fingers of one hand against his forehead as Zhou Mi’s relieved expression at his entrance played over and over in his head. I want more, Zhou Mi had said, and it was the antithesis of everything he had told himself of Zhou Mi's rejection. Zhou Mi read to him as he always had. And he fell to the rhythm of Zhou Mi’s voice.
***
The paper wrapped around the door handle of his apartment made him frown at first, wondering if some salesman had been by. And yet, it worried him as well... The memory of his trashed apartment was still fresh in his memory. But when he opened the door, everything was still in order, just as he had left it. And he allowed himself to examine the paper then. The only part of it that he could read was “Cho,” and a bold red line had been drawn through the name. Below it, Chinese characters in the same red ink. His mind went immediately to Zhou Mi... Had he left a note? But it felt wrong. Zhou Mi would not have written his family name, not like that, and his note surely would not have been in Chinese, knowing Kyuhyun could not read it.
He folded the paper carefully, feeling the warning sink through him, without even knowing why.
***
In his dream Kyuhyun nearly turned, feeling an arm drape itself over his waist. It was comforting, that arm, but it made his senses burn, warmth flooding as the hand spread hot against his chest. He could not move as the warmth sank through him, was not concerned, as he sighed, his head tipping back, heavy. The back of his head was nuzzled, light breath making the muscles of his neck contract, and a mouth gently met his ear. Ah. His lips parted. Ah. That voice. Kui Xian…
He woke with a gasp, his head wedged down between two pillows, neck at an awkward angle, and his blankets wadded in his arms. It was not enough, he wondered, mind muzzy, that the man haunted his existence in the store. Now he lived in his head as well?
That had been 4 A.M. Sleep after a dream like that had been an unthinkable option, so he had tackled paperwork instead.
By noon, he was ready to find a corner, any corner, to curl up in.
Through gritty eyes, he waved Zhou Mi out the door, off to eat or travel the world he knew not what. But that was his chance. He eyed the big armchair in the back with hunger, the scent of must only giving it character as he buried his face in the plush arm. Twenty minutes, no more. Ryeowook had the front, and he could do with just twenty.
He was warmer than he recalled being when he woke, squinting at the clock with a bit of horror. 2 P.M.? Two hours? That was longer than twenty minutes by far. He wrinkled his nose as it was tickled by the wool of the jacket that had been laid over him. The source of the unexpected warmth. It smelled as what he imagined the back of Zhou Mi’s neck must smell like. Given the dream that had made him so tired, that was a semi-uncomfortable thought as he sat up, feeling his body attempting to bring him back into a normal shape.
He stretched, and flopped over the opposite arm in total, lazy defeat. He heard Zhou Mi’s chuckle.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Ugh,” he replied, untangling his legs so he could at least sit upright. “I shouldn’t have slept so long.”
“That happens if I sleep during the day, too. You’re a cute sleeper. You were really out.”
“Only because you were haunting my nightmares so I couldn’t sleep last night,” he returned.
“I was in your nightmares?”
Zhou Mi actually looked a little abashed at that, and Kyuhyun grimaced. Not the reaction he had been seeking.
“I guess that must’ve been something else,” he muttered. Now Zhou Mi would think he was embarrassed about that “cute” comment, and it disturbed him that “creepy and inappropriate” did not even appear on his possible list of reactions.
“Do you want tea or something before you go back out? I can go get some.”
“I’m good,” Kyuhyun said. He stood to prove it, and realized he was still holding Zhou Mi’s coat. He hung it over the back of the nearest chair, as he had seen Zhou Mi do. “Thanks for the use of this.”
“You’re welcome.”
In the bathroom, Kyuhyun discovered the imprint of the armchair’s button on his cheek. And in his life, so it went.
***
Though he considered Siwon an acquaintance and casual friend, there were no secrets about Siwon that he could keep from Hankyung.
“Siwon managed to work into conversation about if I knew if you were dating someone.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” Hankyung said, absorbed in his newspaper. Kyuhyun flicked the end closest to him and gained Hankyung’s attention.
“Siwon wanted to know if you were dating someone,” Kyuhyun repeated, speaking to the slowest in the class.
Hankyung stared. “And you told him..?”
“That you were passionately in love with someone and about to run away to the Bahamas and make sweet, sweet love on some sandy beach. What do you think I told him? No. Obviously.”
“You told him no?!”
It was Kyuhyun’s turn to stare. “Are you?”
“No! I just… You answered his question. Isn’t that weird that you answered his question? Wouldn’t a normal person say “Why are you asking me? Go ask him.”? Answering is like, saying “He’s not dating, have at him.””
Kyuhyun blinked before laughing. “You’re way over thinking this. He spent ten minutes dancing around trying to work in the question so I would answer without knowing I’d actually answered the question. I couldn’t deny him after he went to that much effort. Besides, I didn’t specifically tell him you weren’t dating, more that none of us were. So take a breath. I didn’t offer you up as a sacrifice to his wicked ways.”
The conversation had been quite cute, actually, with Siwon having one eye on his daughter and trying to oh-so-casually inquire after Hankyung’s status, all Wasn’t it funny that Hankyung had thought he was married? and How strange, Hankyung certainly wouldn’t have been able to keep those kinds of relationship secrets from his friends.
Kyuhyun wondered if Hankyung knew his face had reddened. He could almost hear the intense mental argument going on in the other man’s head as he was followed to the shelving cart.
“If a girl came to you and asked if I were dating someone, what would you think?” Kyuhyun asked.
“That she liked you.”
Kyuhyun nodded, face open as he waited for that thought to sink home.
“It’s not the same,” Hankyung said, rather defiantly for Hankyung’s standards. “Maybe he wants to… make sure I’m not alone for the holidays.”
“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what he wanted,” Kyuhyun deadpanned. “Since you are so pathetic and friendless and have so many similarly single people around. I’m surprised he hasn’t invited you to call him Mommy.”
“Okay! Okay. I get it.”
“Why aren’t you dancing in the street and crying rainbows? You all but ate and slept him for the last three months.”
“He was Fantasy Guy. Fantasy Guy isn’t supposed to become Real Guy. He’s supposed to… stay a fantasy.”
Kyuhyun paused in the middle of lifting a particularly heavy book. “So wait… Isn’t Real Guy better than Fantasy Guy?”
“A thousand times better.”
“Then… No wait. I don’t want to know why a figment of your imagination trumps having a possibly-interested-in-you, living, breathing hunk. And if you think you don’t deserve him, I’m going to drop this book on your head.”
Hankyung sighed. “It’s not that simple.”
“The dimples scared you off.”
“No!”
“The eyebrows? He does have some amazing expressions.”
“I’m leaving. See you tomorrow.”
“Try not to strip him naked when he runs past your house tomorrow!”
Kyuhyun pretended he hadn’t seen the rude hand gesture and settled the book snugly into its spot.
***
Of course Siwon bounded up his steps the next morning. He could not very well ask why Siwon had been trying to find out who was dating from Kyuhyun. Siwon, willing to come to his house like this, did not seem the type to avoid asking him directly. He had no compunction about teasing Hankyung for the confusion of his marital status. So Siwon knew he was not dating anyone. He did not know the same for Siwon. Assumed, but that was all...
And still he had no guarantee as to which gender Siwon liked. The fact that he wasn’t married, didn’t mean he didn’t want to be. Some people just took a long time to get there. Perhaps he felt comfortable with he and Yunjee as a unit. Perhaps his parents had a girl in mind for him, and they were simply waiting for her to be ready. Yunjee was clearly not suffering the lack of a mother’s love... If what Siwon told him was any indication, Yunjee adored her grandmother and wanted to grow up to be just like her. So perhaps Siwon thought he had time to find that perfect person to join them. He had no idea.
He pulled down a glass to fill with water, and tried not to eye the 6 feet of black jogging suit-clad male ranging against his kitchen counter.
“Isn’t it getting a little cold to be jogging?” he asked, handing over the glass.
Siwon shook his head, talking a quick gulp, his cheeks bright pink from the cold. He did have on an extra layer, Hankyung saw, and gloves and a warm band around his ears as well.
“I probably won’t stop until it gets icy. If I step out the door and feel like I’ll break myself, it’s time.”
That was a depressing prospect. Hankyung wasn’t someone who hated winter... He liked snow, and the chill in the air, and the change of seasons in general. Granted he didn’t care for falling on his behind or worrying if his car would stop, but winter was a fact of life. It came, it went, and life went on. The thought of his sidewalk being untouched by Siwon’s feet during the time of the worst of the winter weather...
“Do you have a treadmill then, or...?”
“I don’t... I’ll just go into the gym on those days, use their weights or something. That’s what I have done, anyway.”
Weights. Siwon on a treadmill. Both dangerous images. But a thought occurred to him. Siwon had only been running this route for a few months.
“You’ve lived in the same place since you got Yunjee...?”
Siwon nodded. “I have... I used to run a couple of streets over, till I discovered your sidewalk is in a lot better condition. I just about twisted my ankle a couple of times over there.”
They laughed together at that.
“And I discovered Soulmate one day by chance... Yunjee and I were out walking, and we walked a different way, and just happened to see the sign. I couldn’t resist going into a bookstore named like that!”
He chuckled. “As a teenager, I always thought it was a strange name. I think it really suits what Kyuhyun has made it now. It used to be really dark inside, like you needed a flashlight to find your books, but he’s really changed it. Ryeowook and I... We’re really proud of him.
“Did you move here when you were in high school then?”
“I was about 14 when we moved. My mom and dad had just split up, so we made a change. A big one. My mom opened her restaurant, and the rest is really history.”
“I’m really looking forward to going over there. Yunjee is too! She really liked your mom.”
“I’m glad. I’m looking forward to it, too. Ah. So are Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi,” he amended quickly. “You’ve met Zhou Mi?”
“Only briefly. Kyuhyun was shooing him out.”
“Yeah,” Hankyung said, bemused. “He does that.”
A stroke of genius hit him as Siwon prepared to leave. Maybe there was a way to find out if Siwon was involved with someone.
“I don’t know if anyone told you... When we go to the restaurant, you know you’re welcome to bring anyone else along, right?”
“Oh.” Siwon shrugged, smiled. “It’s just Yunjee and me. Um. Thanks though.”
He hoped his face hadn’t turned into a tomato in his attempt to be casual in his extraction of information.
“I’ll be in the bookstore later,” Siwon continued. “Will you?”
“Probably. I’ll see you then.”
“Okay! See you.”
He sighed as Siwon turned the corner. Just Siwon and Yunjee. Just him.
***
Kyuhyun heard the yelp from the back room rather vaguely as he was shelving. It had not sounded life threatening, so he let it go. Some small emergency that Zhou Mi could clear up on his own.
Until he couldn’t ignore it. When its source was whispering hesitantly in his ear, from right next to his ear, from seemingly out of nowhere.
“Kui Xian?”
He nearly yelped himself, jerking as far back as a single movement would allow as he stared at Zhou Mi.
“What?!”
“Come with me.”
A clammy hand gripped his arm and pulled him into the back room. They stood side by side as Zhou Mi pointed at the light fixture. Kyuhyun cocked his head, trying to see what was the matter. The light bulb was on and working…
“What?”
“Spider,” Zhou Mi said, as though the word was filthy in his mouth.
Kyuhyun blinked and edged over just slightly and sure enough… It was hardly big enough to worry about. The way Zhou Mi was acting, he had wondered briefly if it was the size of a small cat. It was smaller than the tip of his pinky. The humor began to tickle him.
“You’re afraid of spiders?” he asked, trying not to let his voice tremble with laughter.
“When they’re over my head,” Zhou Mi said, frowning up from his safe distance.
“So if I leave it there, you won’t come back?”
Zhou Mi stared at him.
“I’ll go get Henry,” Zhou Mi decided.
“He’s left for the day.”
“Then… Ryeowook?”
Kyuhyun looked pointedly at the spider before looking back to Zhou Mi as if to say “really?” He didn’t know whether to laugh or sigh. He ended up doing both, catching sight of Zhou Mi nearly wringing his hands, before reaching for a jar formerly used for coffee tips. He really had no idea.
Zhou Mi moved up behind him as if ready to snatch him back from the jaws of death as he climbed half onto the table. He had one hand on Kyuhyun’s hip and was clearly craning his head to make sure nothing, er, escaped.
The spider was easily caught, a good thing for the intense breathing from behind him. Who got worked up over such a little thing? Who should be more scared between the two? The tiny little spider, or the hulking Chinese man? Really? Zhou Mi rather courteously helped him down, staying far from the contents of Kyuhyun’s hand, and stared as Kyuhyun extended the jar toward him. He advanced warily, with enough caution that Kyuhyun wondered if he shouldn’t be offering oven mitts. Or a Haz-Mat suit.
“Careful,” he warned, just before Zhou Mi’s hands touched his, and watched as Zhou Mi jerked, nearly swatting the jar as he laughed, high and nervous.
“Why?”
When he saw the wide-eyes, he sobered.
“You can go release your pet into the wild now.”
Zhou Mi shuffled at great speed, arms extended and steadied as though he held a nuclear device in danger of exploding at any moment. Kyuhyun probably should have taken it himself. But it would not have nearly been as amusing. He should get a knight in shining armor badge for this, at least. But really. A spider?
Zhou Mi came back in looking very grave. “Okay. It’s done. Thank you, Kui Xian.”
He just shook his head, and ignored the suggestion that the jar should be thrown away or boiled.
Boiled.
Hmm.
When he got back to the counter he waved Ryeowook over.
“What kind of real food type food do we have in the kitchen?”
“Um. Ramen? Why?”
He leaned in, trying not to let the unholy light in his eyes show. “What are the chances that we could get crab?”
***
Ryeowook was a genius, he decided.
He really could barely contain himself when he called a wary Hankyung to come back. Siwon was sitting, looking a little unsure as to whether he was supposed to come as well.
“Come on back,” Kyuhyun called. “We’re having a party.”
At this Hankyung really stared. Which he ignored as well, waiting as Henry and Ryeowook sidled in.
“Maybe it’s someone’s birthday?” he heard Siwon offer.
“I don’t know if Kyuhyun observes birthdays,” Hankyung said with suspicion.
Zhou Mi looked utterly clueless as he saw people filing into Kyuhyun’s precious and highly guarded back room. And truly... Kyuhyun almost lost it right then.
“Is it your birthday, Zhou Mi?” Hankyung asked.
Zhou Mi shook his head.
The thought that he would deliberately set up a birthday party for Zhou Mi made him uncomfortable inside. That they would consider it. He shot a dirty look at Hankyung.
“No, we’re celebrating something else,” Kyuhyun said, moving the books off of the table before setting the covered dish into their place.
Everyone was staring at the dish and Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi was staring at Kyuhyun.
“Kui Xian?”
“I took care of the eight legged creature earlier,” he said, lifting the lid. “Don’t you think it’s your turn?”
Zhou Mi looked absolutely appalled as he stared down at the steaming eight legged crustacean. Then he deliberately reached down and twisted off a leg. With obvious triumph.
No one had any idea why they were laughing.
***
Yunjee greeted them with a wave as she exited the school gates, her face speaking her excitement to see Hankyung there as well. There had been no arguing with Siwon, when he had had to leave to pick her up. Hankyung got the impression that if he had not said okay, Siwon would have just picked him up and hauled him along anyway. Siwon seemed, as he had said, starved for adult interaction, conversation. If he could fill that role...?
“Are we going to the bookstore?” she asked, hopping over to reach for Hankyung’s hand.
“Not today. We just came from there. We’ll walk Han Geng to his house, okay?”
“Oh! Oh! We’re eating at you mommy’s restaurant tonight!”
“We are!” he said, swinging their hands. “And Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi...”
“Is Zhou Mi Kyuhyun’s boyfriend?” she asked, surprising him.
“No. Just his friend.” After that stunt today with the crab, the way they had laughed together, he thought friends was not too high a word to use any more.
Yunjee seemed content with that answer for a moment before a thought seemed to occur to her. “Then is Daddy your...” She broke off as his concentration exploded at speeds faster than light, and he only distantly heard her squeal, “Look, a puppy!”
She was on her knees, her face being bathed in puppy kisses even before he could avoid Siwon’s eyes. Was Siwon his...boyfriend? He had broke out in a cold sweat and he hadn’t even had to answer the question.
The older lady crouched beside the box smiled kindly at Yunjee.
“Someone dropped this puppy off in the box. We can’t keep it. Looks like it likes you.”
“Oh, he’s so cute,” Yunjee said, the puppy clutched to her chest. “Look, Daddy!”
“I see,” Siwon said, crouching down to run a hand down the pup’s sleek brown back.
“Here!” she said, rushing to Hankyung’s side. “Look!”
She all but shoved the puppy into his arms.
“She’s definitely friendly,” he said with a laugh, seeing that the puppy was definitely a girl. It immediately turned to him, licking his jaw with glee.
Siwon smiled at the lady. “I hope you find a home for the puppy.”
“Oh, Daddy, could we... I want a puppy a lot, Daddy.”
Yunjee turned huge, hopeful eyes on Siwon.
“I’m sorry, baby. Our landlord doesn’t allow animals, remember? Maybe... Maybe if we move into a new place, we can get a puppy, okay?”
“But I like this one... I’d take really good care of her, I promise!” Her eyes were starting to glisten with barely held tears, and he could see Siwon’s face tight with regret.
“I’m sorry.”
He breathed in, the puppy whimpering again his neck, and considered his life.
"If...” he started, waiting until Yunjee met his eyes. “If it would be okay, if the puppy came to live with me... You could come and visit?"
“Ohhh.” Her eyes widened as she considered that possibility, and she looked to Siwon as though she had to ask Siwon’s permission for the dog to come to live with Hankyung.
Siwon edged his body between Yunjee and Hankyung, stepping close and meeting Hankyung’s eyes and speaking quietly. “Are you sure? I know... It’s hard to see her disappointed, I know, but...”
“I’ve wanted to get a dog for a long time,” he said, crooking his neck as the puppy tried to cuddle closer. “I meant to get one when I moved into the house, but just never had the opportunity to look.”
The concern melted and Siwon’s smile was radiant, fingers brushing Hankyung’s as they petted the soft fur together.
“You may have to name the puppy Yunjee, because you might not be seeing one without the other.”
“That’s fine,” he said, barely hearing his own voice over the roaring in his ears at Siwon’s smile.
“Daddy?” Yunjee said, clearly worried by their hushed conference.
“Looks like Geng is getting a puppy!” Siwon told her, and Hankyung eyes widened considerably, staring at Siwon’s profile. Had he just called him Geng?
“Yay!” she shouted, jumping and turning nearly fully around in the air. “Oh...” She looked up at Siwon thoughtfully before looking to Hankyung. “Can I carry the puppy to your house?”
“Sure,” Hankyung said, dropping down on one knee so she could gather the puppy to her. “Make sure you hold her hips too. Yeah, like that.”
They grinned at each other and the puppy cuddled happily into Yunjee’s arms.
They spent a moment more talking with the lady, who was so grateful and thanked them profusely, before starting again toward his home.
Yunjee marched ahead of them, talking seriously to the dog in her arms, asking what her name ought to be. Hankyung balled his fingers into fists and grinned at Siwon as they listened into the conversation. He tried not to pay attention to Siwon’s free swinging hands, that if his were out, their knuckles might brush up against each other. What would be like to hold Siwon’s hand?
They were halfway to his house when Yunjee’s steps began to slow. The weight of the puppy, though not large, was starting to weigh on her.
“Hey you,” Siwon said, poking at the back of her head. “You need some help?”
She looked regretful as she turned, letting Siwon take the half asleep puppy from her. Her bottom lip trembled for a moment before focusing on Hankyung.
“Will you carry me?” she asked, skipping up to his side.
“Of course,” he said, letting her wrap her arms around his neck as he lifted her.
He eyed the puppy in Siwon’s arms and a thought occurred to him.
“Can we stop by the store to pick up some supplies for her? It shouldn’t take long,” Hankyung asked.
“Of course,” Siwon said. “I’ll stay outside. I don’t think they’ll let dogs in? If Yunjee wants to go in with you...?”
Yunjee nodded emphatically against Hankyung’s shoulder.
Siwon, with the puppy cuddled in his coat, stood outside as Yunjee led Hankyung straight to the pet supply area of the grocery store. A collar and leash, food, bowls, a couple of things for chewing on and a toy. All he needed until he could think about. Thankfully there were silver bowls available, and not pink ones... Or he might have been going home with pink of everything, and not just a collar.
Seeing Siwon, the puppy’s nose poking out above the zipper of his coat, both arms holding support it nearly killed any remaining sense of composure that he had. Only Yunjee’s hand tugging him along kept him from stopping, for what must have been the millionth time since he had met Siwon, and staring again like a complete moron. A completely head over heels moron.
***
Yunjee had skipped the rest of the way to his door, racing up the stairs ahead of them, and in sync, girl and dog were off together, high pitched barks and giggles ringing to every corner.
“Careful, Yunjee,” Siwon called. “Play easy, she’s still a baby. And you don’t want to break anything. It’s not our house...”
“I don’t think there’s anything in here she can break,” Hankyung assured him, heading to the kitchen with the supplies.
“Still. Good for her to be aware.”
Siwon watched him as he washed the food and water bowls. Watched intently, if the tension he felt inside was any indication.
“What kind of dog do you think she is?” Siwon asked finally, before Hankyung could feel anxious in the silence.
“I don’t know... I’ll make an appointment with a vet to have her checked out. They might have some idea.”
“You really did want her,” Siwon said.
He frowned as he dried the food bowl. “Of course I did. Why would I have lied about that?”
“No, no... It makes me glad that we couldn’t take her. But now...I think Yunjee thinks you can turn the stars on and off.”
“Only on Fridays,” Hankyung said, smirking as he filled the water bowl.
“I think her name should be “Princess,”” Yunjee announced, marching into the kitchen with the puppy in her arms. The puppy looked utterly content, and much as the suggested name would imply.
“I don’t know if Geng wants a dog named Princess, sweetheart,” Siwon said, laughing. “Why don’t we let Geng pick out a name, okay?”
“Who is your favorite princess?” Hankyung asked Yunjee.
She thought long and hard about that, the whole process clear on her face.
“Nala,” she decided finally.
Confusion must have been clear on his face, as Siwon quietly clued him in. “”The Lion King.””
“Oh.” The puppy, a deep chocolate brown, resembled a lion about as much as the little girl herself did. Nala. Nala. He could live with that. “Okay. How about that?”
Girl and puppy stared at each other, the pup desperately trying to lick Yunjee’s hand.
“She likes it,” Yunjee decided. “Do you like it, Daddy?”
Siwon shrugged helplessly, looking as if he knew his opinion mattered little if the dog and his daughter both agreed. “It’s a good name.”
“Come on, Nala. Let’s play with your toys!”
She disappeared as quickly as she appeared, leaving them both grinning at the easy acceptance.
“Well, that’s one decision down,” Hankyung said, picking up the bag of puppy food and turning toward his small pantry.
Siwon stepped in behind him, the springed door closing automatically behind him. If there had not been a light shining, if it had been dark with Siwon so close behind... He plunged his hands into the bag to keep himself from imagining, or from carrying out what he imagined... Turning to Siwon and... He shook his head sharply.
“I just... You made her so happy,” Siwon said, sounding thankful again.
“What are friends for?” he said, smiling at the newly filled bowl in his hand.
“No, really,” Siwon said, reaching out, taking Hankyung’s hand in his. He felt as though the world had focused in just those scant inches of skin, Siwon’s thumb running distractingly over the back of his hand. It sent sparks up his arm, as much as the heat of Siwon’s palm was doing. He looked up, searching the tiny smile on Siwon’s face.
“Geng, I wondered... Would you, um...”
“Daddy, I think she peed,” Yunjee said plaintively through the door.
“We’ll be right there, baby,” Siwon assured her. Hankyung’s hand slipped easily out of Siwon’s, and he smiled.
“Guess I should go see what damage was done.”
“Yeah,” Siwon said softly.
He could feel a terrible tension, that something was missed, something important. “Were you... Did you want do ask something?”
Siwon shook his head. “It can wait.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Siwon said, taking the bowl from him and smiling in a way that made him ache inside. “Let’s go and see if I owe you a new rug.”
It turned out to be a small puddle on the linoleum, and not much of a disaster after all. By the time all was clean and put away, it was time for them to leave if they were to get to his mother’s restaurant on time.
He made a small bed of towels in the bathroom, putting in a shirt he had worn on Siwon’s suggestion. The newly christened Nala would stay in the small room until he returned, at least until she was comfortable with the house and her place in it.
“Be good,” he told the wriggling puppy, running his hands comfortingly up and down her sides. “I’ll be back after dinner. Maybe I’ll bring you back a treat. Be a good girl.”
She was lapping at her water bowl as he closed the door, turning to Yunjee and Siwon.
“Bye, Nala!” Yunjee called.
“Okay, let’s go!”
It was okay to catch a ride over with Siwon (they were going to the same place, and Siwon had offered), but he would most certainly be getting a ride back with Kyuhyun as he had planned. He idly wondered if Zhou Mi would ride with Kyuhyun as well. As he buckled himself in, watching Siwon buckle Yunjee into the back seat out of his peripheral vision, he didn’t think to mind.
***
“Why do we learn about architecture in a history class? We’re not going to be architects,” Henry complained to Donghae, who grinned.
“If we didn’t, wouldn’t it be weird? Would their houses look just like ours in our heads?”
He sent Donghae a skeptical look. “I don’t think anyone would be that dumb. Besides, we have pictures. I think the professor just hates us.”
“Has anyone ever hated you?” Donghae asked, far more serious than such a question warranted.
“Um. I don’t know?” The look in Donghae’s eyes reminded him of their classes, when he would catch a glimpse out of the corner of his eye of Donghae’s head, not subtly resting on his arms, and his eyes... On Henry. He had looked, started, more than once, raising his eyebrows in case Donghae needed something. But Donghae had just shook his head, wrinkling his nose in a little smile. It took several seconds for his focus to move back to the lecture, worrying his pen in his fingers as the stare settled around him like the glue he’d once compared Donghae to.
“I think it’d be really cool to see the primary sources of our texts,” Donghae said, capturing Henry’s attention again. “I bet the books they worked from are all in museums.”
“Probably,” Henry said absently, doodling in the corner of his paper as he considered his notes.
“Does Soulmate sell old books?”
“Huh?” He looked up, seeing Donghae’s tilted head. “Oh. No, we just have new books. My boss has some old ones, but they’re his, not for sale.”
“Ah,” Donghae said. “Have you seen them...?”
“His books?” Henry laughed, trying to imagine himself going into the book closet. The closest he’d been was when he’d gone back on a break and peered over Zhou Mi’s shoulder. Zhou Mi was a professor. No way was Kyuhyun letting someone like him near the books. “Hardly. He doesn’t let people really see them at all. Makes sense, since they’re his.”
“Aww, that’s sad,” Donghae said. “Sounds like they’d be fun to see.”
“Probably. I’ll let you know if he ever offers to let me.” Though he really doubted it.
Donghae’s smile was instantly wide and happy. “Great!”
Donghae was distracted the rest of their study session, and Henry pushed their conversation of Kyuhyun’s books out of his head in the attempt to keep Donghae focused. There was an architecture quiz looming on the horizon and that was all the mystery he needed.
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight
***
Chapter Seven
***
Zhou Mi paused a moment as Hankyung entered. “Does Kui Xian know you’re here?” he asked in Mandarin.
“He’s out running errands,” Hankyung replied in the same manner. “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
He waited a moment for Zhou Mi to settle down, eying him with some concentration.
“So, I try and not meddle in the affairs of my friends…”
“Like last night?”
Ah-ha. So Zhou Mi was wise to him. “Was that why you wouldn’t go with him?”
“More or less.”
“This is confidential information, but I’ve been getting complaints about you inviting him to dinner for the last month or two.”
Zhou Mi snorted.
“So,” Hankyung continued. “I’m confused as to why you wouldn’t grasp the opportunity when it was beating you over your head. If you’d kept your mouth shut, he’d have been walking out the door with you.”
At this, Zhou Mi looked contemplative and his answer was the one Hankyung had been expecting. “I know he could have said no, but I wanted him to want to go. Not… to decide it was okay if it was something he was caught off guard about, because he still might have felt tricked.”
“What if he can’t give you what you want?”
“Then he can’t.”
“Did you hate yourself all night for not shutting up and going anyway?”
“Of course.”
Hankyung laughed at the honest answer.
“Why…” Zhou Mi paused. “Why aren’t you with him? You seem close, and he’s…”
“We just never clicked that way… I mean, granted I know he’s good looking, but he was a bit more gangly in high school.” He capped that with a wry grin. “When we met, I was dating someone, and he was hurting from… Well. He was hurting. So we became friends, and yeah. Can’t even imagine thinking of him that way now.”
“And your type runs toward lean muscles and dimples?” Zhou Mi queried as Hankyung stared, “I’ve seen him, and I don’t question that decision at all. I probably would’ve waited for him to run past my window every morning, too.”
“Where can I bury you where you will never be found? Our conversation must drift back in here.”
“It does. And don’t worry, I have no one to tell since Kui Xian already knows.”
“Well. Good. Don’t hurt him.”
“I don’t want to,” Zhou Mi said, his voice quiet.
Hankyung stepped a bit closer to the table, nudging one of the books so carefully set on it.
“He loves these old books, but he hates them too. I can’t tell you but just… don’t forget the person who owns them. That he is someone.”
Zhou Mi frowned, but nodded. “I don’t know why you’re telling me when we don’t know each other well, but thank you.”
“I like what I’ve seen and heard of you. And Kyuhyun would never have let you back here or to keep coming back if he didn’t see something worthwhile about you. So I hope we get to know each other better.”
Zhou Mi smiled widely. “Me too. Maybe we can double date..?”
Hankyung laughed. “You’re not getting anywhere near Siwon alone until I have blackmail material to keep your mouth shut. Besides, he and I aren’t dating.”
“I think I’m falling in love with your best friend. That’s the only secret I have.”
That wasn’t a shock to him to hear it, but to see the wistfulness on Zhou Mi’s face, and to remember the blank shock on Kyuhyun’s…
“Then I’d apologize to him for last night.”
“He won’t agree to eat with me tonight.”
“No… But at least he’ll know you still want to.”
The smiled in mutual understanding before Hankyung left, really hoping this meddling wasn’t going to turn into a fiasco.
***
Kyuhyun had been torn between relief that Zhou Mi had cut him off before he could agree, and slick worry that Zhou Mi’s quick departure meant... Whatever it meant. That he was through trying with Kyuhyun, that he had never been that interested to begin with, that he was pulling away because he planned to leave. He had come up with about a dozen reasons, and none of them he liked. And yet, he was still just that small bit relieved.
He was in the back room retrieving extra pricing stickers when Zhou Mi returned from lunch, hair a bit rumpled from him pulling off the knitted cap that had been keeping his ears warm. In the corner as he was, it took Zhou Mi several seconds to notice him, freezing in the process of unwinding his pale yellow scarf, the one that made him resemble nothing so much as an artificial sunbeam.
They hadn’t actually spoken all day. Zhou Mi had ducked into the back room without so much as a smile the moment he arrived. Now he yanked off his gloves, unbuttoning the wool pea coat with quick fingers. It was all left in a somewhat messy pile as Zhou Mi walked to him. He didn’t like the line of worry between Zhou Mi’s brows, didn’t like that he’d been standing with his hand in a box and staring for the last minute either. This he wasn’t escaping. They didn’t see each other so often standing, and though he was not short by any means, he felt smaller than he liked with Zhou Mi peering anxiously down at him. He was a generous two feet away, and Kyuhyun still felt crowded.
“I’m sorry, Kui Xian,” Kyuhyun heard as he fished uselessly in the box, as though that was going to solve the immediate problem.
“For what?” he grunted, gripping the box of tags like a lifeline. Sorry for any one of those things he had wondered about...?
“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t want you to have to go if you didn’t want to, so I didn’t let you answer. I’m sorry.”
It was a nicer, more noble answer than anything he had put together. And instead of it sounding like Zhou Mi was finished with him, it sounded more like he was taking greater care.
“I haven’t ever agreed to go with you, so I can’t imagine why you’d be apologizing like I was just waiting for you to ask. Don’t worry about it.”
His inhale was sharp when Zhou Mi’s arm prevented him from leaving.
“I still want to go eat with you, Kui Xian.”
“You’re obsessed with food,” he muttered in the direction of Zhou Mi’s shoulder. There was a palm pressed distractingly to the edge of his stomach.
“It doesn’t have to be to eat then. Just to go somewhere and talk... Go to a museum, or a movie, or...? Anywhere with you.”
He actually felt the tremble inside at Zhou Mi’s urgent words.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, pushing at Zhou Mi’s arm.
“Why?” Zhou Mi’s hand gripped where it had only pressed lightly before, long fingers curving around the edge of his waist nearly painfully. “Why?”
Because you’re leaving. Because you’re too close to me. Because if you don’t let go of me right now, you’ll feel me start shaking.
Because I want to.
“Why can’t you just be content with my breaks?” he asked, prying at Zhou Mi’s hand.
“I want more,” Zhou Mi said, his opposite hand settling so lightly on Kyuhyun’s shoulder.
It was the touch, more than the words, that made him look up, fully aware he was nearly in the circle of Zhou Mi’s arms. Zhou Mi’s eyes were worried, wary, full of hope. There was something else there in those eyes that he couldn’t begin to describe, any more than he could say what it made him feel. Warm and cool and squirming inside.
His eyes squeezed shut as Zhou Mi brushed his fingers gently against Kyuhyun’s cheekbone.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you. Please don’t stop coming back here.”
This time he did shudder, a near-painful tingle running along his spine. Zhou Mi’s arm withdrew, though his hand stayed there on his shoulder.
He stared down at the box of tags, forgetting that that had been what he had come back here to get.
“I won’t stop,” he said, letting his legs propel him to the door.
It took hours for the sensation of Zhou Mi’s hand clutching at him to fade. At least to fade enough to where he was not utterly distracted, and it lasted till after he had locked up. He had sat silently in his chair for the whole of his break, the fingers of one hand against his forehead as Zhou Mi’s relieved expression at his entrance played over and over in his head. I want more, Zhou Mi had said, and it was the antithesis of everything he had told himself of Zhou Mi's rejection. Zhou Mi read to him as he always had. And he fell to the rhythm of Zhou Mi’s voice.
***
The paper wrapped around the door handle of his apartment made him frown at first, wondering if some salesman had been by. And yet, it worried him as well... The memory of his trashed apartment was still fresh in his memory. But when he opened the door, everything was still in order, just as he had left it. And he allowed himself to examine the paper then. The only part of it that he could read was “Cho,” and a bold red line had been drawn through the name. Below it, Chinese characters in the same red ink. His mind went immediately to Zhou Mi... Had he left a note? But it felt wrong. Zhou Mi would not have written his family name, not like that, and his note surely would not have been in Chinese, knowing Kyuhyun could not read it.
He folded the paper carefully, feeling the warning sink through him, without even knowing why.
***
In his dream Kyuhyun nearly turned, feeling an arm drape itself over his waist. It was comforting, that arm, but it made his senses burn, warmth flooding as the hand spread hot against his chest. He could not move as the warmth sank through him, was not concerned, as he sighed, his head tipping back, heavy. The back of his head was nuzzled, light breath making the muscles of his neck contract, and a mouth gently met his ear. Ah. His lips parted. Ah. That voice. Kui Xian…
He woke with a gasp, his head wedged down between two pillows, neck at an awkward angle, and his blankets wadded in his arms. It was not enough, he wondered, mind muzzy, that the man haunted his existence in the store. Now he lived in his head as well?
That had been 4 A.M. Sleep after a dream like that had been an unthinkable option, so he had tackled paperwork instead.
By noon, he was ready to find a corner, any corner, to curl up in.
Through gritty eyes, he waved Zhou Mi out the door, off to eat or travel the world he knew not what. But that was his chance. He eyed the big armchair in the back with hunger, the scent of must only giving it character as he buried his face in the plush arm. Twenty minutes, no more. Ryeowook had the front, and he could do with just twenty.
He was warmer than he recalled being when he woke, squinting at the clock with a bit of horror. 2 P.M.? Two hours? That was longer than twenty minutes by far. He wrinkled his nose as it was tickled by the wool of the jacket that had been laid over him. The source of the unexpected warmth. It smelled as what he imagined the back of Zhou Mi’s neck must smell like. Given the dream that had made him so tired, that was a semi-uncomfortable thought as he sat up, feeling his body attempting to bring him back into a normal shape.
He stretched, and flopped over the opposite arm in total, lazy defeat. He heard Zhou Mi’s chuckle.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Ugh,” he replied, untangling his legs so he could at least sit upright. “I shouldn’t have slept so long.”
“That happens if I sleep during the day, too. You’re a cute sleeper. You were really out.”
“Only because you were haunting my nightmares so I couldn’t sleep last night,” he returned.
“I was in your nightmares?”
Zhou Mi actually looked a little abashed at that, and Kyuhyun grimaced. Not the reaction he had been seeking.
“I guess that must’ve been something else,” he muttered. Now Zhou Mi would think he was embarrassed about that “cute” comment, and it disturbed him that “creepy and inappropriate” did not even appear on his possible list of reactions.
“Do you want tea or something before you go back out? I can go get some.”
“I’m good,” Kyuhyun said. He stood to prove it, and realized he was still holding Zhou Mi’s coat. He hung it over the back of the nearest chair, as he had seen Zhou Mi do. “Thanks for the use of this.”
“You’re welcome.”
In the bathroom, Kyuhyun discovered the imprint of the armchair’s button on his cheek. And in his life, so it went.
***
Though he considered Siwon an acquaintance and casual friend, there were no secrets about Siwon that he could keep from Hankyung.
“Siwon managed to work into conversation about if I knew if you were dating someone.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” Hankyung said, absorbed in his newspaper. Kyuhyun flicked the end closest to him and gained Hankyung’s attention.
“Siwon wanted to know if you were dating someone,” Kyuhyun repeated, speaking to the slowest in the class.
Hankyung stared. “And you told him..?”
“That you were passionately in love with someone and about to run away to the Bahamas and make sweet, sweet love on some sandy beach. What do you think I told him? No. Obviously.”
“You told him no?!”
It was Kyuhyun’s turn to stare. “Are you?”
“No! I just… You answered his question. Isn’t that weird that you answered his question? Wouldn’t a normal person say “Why are you asking me? Go ask him.”? Answering is like, saying “He’s not dating, have at him.””
Kyuhyun blinked before laughing. “You’re way over thinking this. He spent ten minutes dancing around trying to work in the question so I would answer without knowing I’d actually answered the question. I couldn’t deny him after he went to that much effort. Besides, I didn’t specifically tell him you weren’t dating, more that none of us were. So take a breath. I didn’t offer you up as a sacrifice to his wicked ways.”
The conversation had been quite cute, actually, with Siwon having one eye on his daughter and trying to oh-so-casually inquire after Hankyung’s status, all Wasn’t it funny that Hankyung had thought he was married? and How strange, Hankyung certainly wouldn’t have been able to keep those kinds of relationship secrets from his friends.
Kyuhyun wondered if Hankyung knew his face had reddened. He could almost hear the intense mental argument going on in the other man’s head as he was followed to the shelving cart.
“If a girl came to you and asked if I were dating someone, what would you think?” Kyuhyun asked.
“That she liked you.”
Kyuhyun nodded, face open as he waited for that thought to sink home.
“It’s not the same,” Hankyung said, rather defiantly for Hankyung’s standards. “Maybe he wants to… make sure I’m not alone for the holidays.”
“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what he wanted,” Kyuhyun deadpanned. “Since you are so pathetic and friendless and have so many similarly single people around. I’m surprised he hasn’t invited you to call him Mommy.”
“Okay! Okay. I get it.”
“Why aren’t you dancing in the street and crying rainbows? You all but ate and slept him for the last three months.”
“He was Fantasy Guy. Fantasy Guy isn’t supposed to become Real Guy. He’s supposed to… stay a fantasy.”
Kyuhyun paused in the middle of lifting a particularly heavy book. “So wait… Isn’t Real Guy better than Fantasy Guy?”
“A thousand times better.”
“Then… No wait. I don’t want to know why a figment of your imagination trumps having a possibly-interested-in-you, living, breathing hunk. And if you think you don’t deserve him, I’m going to drop this book on your head.”
Hankyung sighed. “It’s not that simple.”
“The dimples scared you off.”
“No!”
“The eyebrows? He does have some amazing expressions.”
“I’m leaving. See you tomorrow.”
“Try not to strip him naked when he runs past your house tomorrow!”
Kyuhyun pretended he hadn’t seen the rude hand gesture and settled the book snugly into its spot.
***
Of course Siwon bounded up his steps the next morning. He could not very well ask why Siwon had been trying to find out who was dating from Kyuhyun. Siwon, willing to come to his house like this, did not seem the type to avoid asking him directly. He had no compunction about teasing Hankyung for the confusion of his marital status. So Siwon knew he was not dating anyone. He did not know the same for Siwon. Assumed, but that was all...
And still he had no guarantee as to which gender Siwon liked. The fact that he wasn’t married, didn’t mean he didn’t want to be. Some people just took a long time to get there. Perhaps he felt comfortable with he and Yunjee as a unit. Perhaps his parents had a girl in mind for him, and they were simply waiting for her to be ready. Yunjee was clearly not suffering the lack of a mother’s love... If what Siwon told him was any indication, Yunjee adored her grandmother and wanted to grow up to be just like her. So perhaps Siwon thought he had time to find that perfect person to join them. He had no idea.
He pulled down a glass to fill with water, and tried not to eye the 6 feet of black jogging suit-clad male ranging against his kitchen counter.
“Isn’t it getting a little cold to be jogging?” he asked, handing over the glass.
Siwon shook his head, talking a quick gulp, his cheeks bright pink from the cold. He did have on an extra layer, Hankyung saw, and gloves and a warm band around his ears as well.
“I probably won’t stop until it gets icy. If I step out the door and feel like I’ll break myself, it’s time.”
That was a depressing prospect. Hankyung wasn’t someone who hated winter... He liked snow, and the chill in the air, and the change of seasons in general. Granted he didn’t care for falling on his behind or worrying if his car would stop, but winter was a fact of life. It came, it went, and life went on. The thought of his sidewalk being untouched by Siwon’s feet during the time of the worst of the winter weather...
“Do you have a treadmill then, or...?”
“I don’t... I’ll just go into the gym on those days, use their weights or something. That’s what I have done, anyway.”
Weights. Siwon on a treadmill. Both dangerous images. But a thought occurred to him. Siwon had only been running this route for a few months.
“You’ve lived in the same place since you got Yunjee...?”
Siwon nodded. “I have... I used to run a couple of streets over, till I discovered your sidewalk is in a lot better condition. I just about twisted my ankle a couple of times over there.”
They laughed together at that.
“And I discovered Soulmate one day by chance... Yunjee and I were out walking, and we walked a different way, and just happened to see the sign. I couldn’t resist going into a bookstore named like that!”
He chuckled. “As a teenager, I always thought it was a strange name. I think it really suits what Kyuhyun has made it now. It used to be really dark inside, like you needed a flashlight to find your books, but he’s really changed it. Ryeowook and I... We’re really proud of him.
“Did you move here when you were in high school then?”
“I was about 14 when we moved. My mom and dad had just split up, so we made a change. A big one. My mom opened her restaurant, and the rest is really history.”
“I’m really looking forward to going over there. Yunjee is too! She really liked your mom.”
“I’m glad. I’m looking forward to it, too. Ah. So are Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi,” he amended quickly. “You’ve met Zhou Mi?”
“Only briefly. Kyuhyun was shooing him out.”
“Yeah,” Hankyung said, bemused. “He does that.”
A stroke of genius hit him as Siwon prepared to leave. Maybe there was a way to find out if Siwon was involved with someone.
“I don’t know if anyone told you... When we go to the restaurant, you know you’re welcome to bring anyone else along, right?”
“Oh.” Siwon shrugged, smiled. “It’s just Yunjee and me. Um. Thanks though.”
He hoped his face hadn’t turned into a tomato in his attempt to be casual in his extraction of information.
“I’ll be in the bookstore later,” Siwon continued. “Will you?”
“Probably. I’ll see you then.”
“Okay! See you.”
He sighed as Siwon turned the corner. Just Siwon and Yunjee. Just him.
***
Kyuhyun heard the yelp from the back room rather vaguely as he was shelving. It had not sounded life threatening, so he let it go. Some small emergency that Zhou Mi could clear up on his own.
Until he couldn’t ignore it. When its source was whispering hesitantly in his ear, from right next to his ear, from seemingly out of nowhere.
“Kui Xian?”
He nearly yelped himself, jerking as far back as a single movement would allow as he stared at Zhou Mi.
“What?!”
“Come with me.”
A clammy hand gripped his arm and pulled him into the back room. They stood side by side as Zhou Mi pointed at the light fixture. Kyuhyun cocked his head, trying to see what was the matter. The light bulb was on and working…
“What?”
“Spider,” Zhou Mi said, as though the word was filthy in his mouth.
Kyuhyun blinked and edged over just slightly and sure enough… It was hardly big enough to worry about. The way Zhou Mi was acting, he had wondered briefly if it was the size of a small cat. It was smaller than the tip of his pinky. The humor began to tickle him.
“You’re afraid of spiders?” he asked, trying not to let his voice tremble with laughter.
“When they’re over my head,” Zhou Mi said, frowning up from his safe distance.
“So if I leave it there, you won’t come back?”
Zhou Mi stared at him.
“I’ll go get Henry,” Zhou Mi decided.
“He’s left for the day.”
“Then… Ryeowook?”
Kyuhyun looked pointedly at the spider before looking back to Zhou Mi as if to say “really?” He didn’t know whether to laugh or sigh. He ended up doing both, catching sight of Zhou Mi nearly wringing his hands, before reaching for a jar formerly used for coffee tips. He really had no idea.
Zhou Mi moved up behind him as if ready to snatch him back from the jaws of death as he climbed half onto the table. He had one hand on Kyuhyun’s hip and was clearly craning his head to make sure nothing, er, escaped.
The spider was easily caught, a good thing for the intense breathing from behind him. Who got worked up over such a little thing? Who should be more scared between the two? The tiny little spider, or the hulking Chinese man? Really? Zhou Mi rather courteously helped him down, staying far from the contents of Kyuhyun’s hand, and stared as Kyuhyun extended the jar toward him. He advanced warily, with enough caution that Kyuhyun wondered if he shouldn’t be offering oven mitts. Or a Haz-Mat suit.
“Careful,” he warned, just before Zhou Mi’s hands touched his, and watched as Zhou Mi jerked, nearly swatting the jar as he laughed, high and nervous.
“Why?”
When he saw the wide-eyes, he sobered.
“You can go release your pet into the wild now.”
Zhou Mi shuffled at great speed, arms extended and steadied as though he held a nuclear device in danger of exploding at any moment. Kyuhyun probably should have taken it himself. But it would not have nearly been as amusing. He should get a knight in shining armor badge for this, at least. But really. A spider?
Zhou Mi came back in looking very grave. “Okay. It’s done. Thank you, Kui Xian.”
He just shook his head, and ignored the suggestion that the jar should be thrown away or boiled.
Boiled.
Hmm.
When he got back to the counter he waved Ryeowook over.
“What kind of real food type food do we have in the kitchen?”
“Um. Ramen? Why?”
He leaned in, trying not to let the unholy light in his eyes show. “What are the chances that we could get crab?”
***
Ryeowook was a genius, he decided.
He really could barely contain himself when he called a wary Hankyung to come back. Siwon was sitting, looking a little unsure as to whether he was supposed to come as well.
“Come on back,” Kyuhyun called. “We’re having a party.”
At this Hankyung really stared. Which he ignored as well, waiting as Henry and Ryeowook sidled in.
“Maybe it’s someone’s birthday?” he heard Siwon offer.
“I don’t know if Kyuhyun observes birthdays,” Hankyung said with suspicion.
Zhou Mi looked utterly clueless as he saw people filing into Kyuhyun’s precious and highly guarded back room. And truly... Kyuhyun almost lost it right then.
“Is it your birthday, Zhou Mi?” Hankyung asked.
Zhou Mi shook his head.
The thought that he would deliberately set up a birthday party for Zhou Mi made him uncomfortable inside. That they would consider it. He shot a dirty look at Hankyung.
“No, we’re celebrating something else,” Kyuhyun said, moving the books off of the table before setting the covered dish into their place.
Everyone was staring at the dish and Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi was staring at Kyuhyun.
“Kui Xian?”
“I took care of the eight legged creature earlier,” he said, lifting the lid. “Don’t you think it’s your turn?”
Zhou Mi looked absolutely appalled as he stared down at the steaming eight legged crustacean. Then he deliberately reached down and twisted off a leg. With obvious triumph.
No one had any idea why they were laughing.
***
Yunjee greeted them with a wave as she exited the school gates, her face speaking her excitement to see Hankyung there as well. There had been no arguing with Siwon, when he had had to leave to pick her up. Hankyung got the impression that if he had not said okay, Siwon would have just picked him up and hauled him along anyway. Siwon seemed, as he had said, starved for adult interaction, conversation. If he could fill that role...?
“Are we going to the bookstore?” she asked, hopping over to reach for Hankyung’s hand.
“Not today. We just came from there. We’ll walk Han Geng to his house, okay?”
“Oh! Oh! We’re eating at you mommy’s restaurant tonight!”
“We are!” he said, swinging their hands. “And Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi...”
“Is Zhou Mi Kyuhyun’s boyfriend?” she asked, surprising him.
“No. Just his friend.” After that stunt today with the crab, the way they had laughed together, he thought friends was not too high a word to use any more.
Yunjee seemed content with that answer for a moment before a thought seemed to occur to her. “Then is Daddy your...” She broke off as his concentration exploded at speeds faster than light, and he only distantly heard her squeal, “Look, a puppy!”
She was on her knees, her face being bathed in puppy kisses even before he could avoid Siwon’s eyes. Was Siwon his...boyfriend? He had broke out in a cold sweat and he hadn’t even had to answer the question.
The older lady crouched beside the box smiled kindly at Yunjee.
“Someone dropped this puppy off in the box. We can’t keep it. Looks like it likes you.”
“Oh, he’s so cute,” Yunjee said, the puppy clutched to her chest. “Look, Daddy!”
“I see,” Siwon said, crouching down to run a hand down the pup’s sleek brown back.
“Here!” she said, rushing to Hankyung’s side. “Look!”
She all but shoved the puppy into his arms.
“She’s definitely friendly,” he said with a laugh, seeing that the puppy was definitely a girl. It immediately turned to him, licking his jaw with glee.
Siwon smiled at the lady. “I hope you find a home for the puppy.”
“Oh, Daddy, could we... I want a puppy a lot, Daddy.”
Yunjee turned huge, hopeful eyes on Siwon.
“I’m sorry, baby. Our landlord doesn’t allow animals, remember? Maybe... Maybe if we move into a new place, we can get a puppy, okay?”
“But I like this one... I’d take really good care of her, I promise!” Her eyes were starting to glisten with barely held tears, and he could see Siwon’s face tight with regret.
“I’m sorry.”
He breathed in, the puppy whimpering again his neck, and considered his life.
"If...” he started, waiting until Yunjee met his eyes. “If it would be okay, if the puppy came to live with me... You could come and visit?"
“Ohhh.” Her eyes widened as she considered that possibility, and she looked to Siwon as though she had to ask Siwon’s permission for the dog to come to live with Hankyung.
Siwon edged his body between Yunjee and Hankyung, stepping close and meeting Hankyung’s eyes and speaking quietly. “Are you sure? I know... It’s hard to see her disappointed, I know, but...”
“I’ve wanted to get a dog for a long time,” he said, crooking his neck as the puppy tried to cuddle closer. “I meant to get one when I moved into the house, but just never had the opportunity to look.”
The concern melted and Siwon’s smile was radiant, fingers brushing Hankyung’s as they petted the soft fur together.
“You may have to name the puppy Yunjee, because you might not be seeing one without the other.”
“That’s fine,” he said, barely hearing his own voice over the roaring in his ears at Siwon’s smile.
“Daddy?” Yunjee said, clearly worried by their hushed conference.
“Looks like Geng is getting a puppy!” Siwon told her, and Hankyung eyes widened considerably, staring at Siwon’s profile. Had he just called him Geng?
“Yay!” she shouted, jumping and turning nearly fully around in the air. “Oh...” She looked up at Siwon thoughtfully before looking to Hankyung. “Can I carry the puppy to your house?”
“Sure,” Hankyung said, dropping down on one knee so she could gather the puppy to her. “Make sure you hold her hips too. Yeah, like that.”
They grinned at each other and the puppy cuddled happily into Yunjee’s arms.
They spent a moment more talking with the lady, who was so grateful and thanked them profusely, before starting again toward his home.
Yunjee marched ahead of them, talking seriously to the dog in her arms, asking what her name ought to be. Hankyung balled his fingers into fists and grinned at Siwon as they listened into the conversation. He tried not to pay attention to Siwon’s free swinging hands, that if his were out, their knuckles might brush up against each other. What would be like to hold Siwon’s hand?
They were halfway to his house when Yunjee’s steps began to slow. The weight of the puppy, though not large, was starting to weigh on her.
“Hey you,” Siwon said, poking at the back of her head. “You need some help?”
She looked regretful as she turned, letting Siwon take the half asleep puppy from her. Her bottom lip trembled for a moment before focusing on Hankyung.
“Will you carry me?” she asked, skipping up to his side.
“Of course,” he said, letting her wrap her arms around his neck as he lifted her.
He eyed the puppy in Siwon’s arms and a thought occurred to him.
“Can we stop by the store to pick up some supplies for her? It shouldn’t take long,” Hankyung asked.
“Of course,” Siwon said. “I’ll stay outside. I don’t think they’ll let dogs in? If Yunjee wants to go in with you...?”
Yunjee nodded emphatically against Hankyung’s shoulder.
Siwon, with the puppy cuddled in his coat, stood outside as Yunjee led Hankyung straight to the pet supply area of the grocery store. A collar and leash, food, bowls, a couple of things for chewing on and a toy. All he needed until he could think about. Thankfully there were silver bowls available, and not pink ones... Or he might have been going home with pink of everything, and not just a collar.
Seeing Siwon, the puppy’s nose poking out above the zipper of his coat, both arms holding support it nearly killed any remaining sense of composure that he had. Only Yunjee’s hand tugging him along kept him from stopping, for what must have been the millionth time since he had met Siwon, and staring again like a complete moron. A completely head over heels moron.
***
Yunjee had skipped the rest of the way to his door, racing up the stairs ahead of them, and in sync, girl and dog were off together, high pitched barks and giggles ringing to every corner.
“Careful, Yunjee,” Siwon called. “Play easy, she’s still a baby. And you don’t want to break anything. It’s not our house...”
“I don’t think there’s anything in here she can break,” Hankyung assured him, heading to the kitchen with the supplies.
“Still. Good for her to be aware.”
Siwon watched him as he washed the food and water bowls. Watched intently, if the tension he felt inside was any indication.
“What kind of dog do you think she is?” Siwon asked finally, before Hankyung could feel anxious in the silence.
“I don’t know... I’ll make an appointment with a vet to have her checked out. They might have some idea.”
“You really did want her,” Siwon said.
He frowned as he dried the food bowl. “Of course I did. Why would I have lied about that?”
“No, no... It makes me glad that we couldn’t take her. But now...I think Yunjee thinks you can turn the stars on and off.”
“Only on Fridays,” Hankyung said, smirking as he filled the water bowl.
“I think her name should be “Princess,”” Yunjee announced, marching into the kitchen with the puppy in her arms. The puppy looked utterly content, and much as the suggested name would imply.
“I don’t know if Geng wants a dog named Princess, sweetheart,” Siwon said, laughing. “Why don’t we let Geng pick out a name, okay?”
“Who is your favorite princess?” Hankyung asked Yunjee.
She thought long and hard about that, the whole process clear on her face.
“Nala,” she decided finally.
Confusion must have been clear on his face, as Siwon quietly clued him in. “”The Lion King.””
“Oh.” The puppy, a deep chocolate brown, resembled a lion about as much as the little girl herself did. Nala. Nala. He could live with that. “Okay. How about that?”
Girl and puppy stared at each other, the pup desperately trying to lick Yunjee’s hand.
“She likes it,” Yunjee decided. “Do you like it, Daddy?”
Siwon shrugged helplessly, looking as if he knew his opinion mattered little if the dog and his daughter both agreed. “It’s a good name.”
“Come on, Nala. Let’s play with your toys!”
She disappeared as quickly as she appeared, leaving them both grinning at the easy acceptance.
“Well, that’s one decision down,” Hankyung said, picking up the bag of puppy food and turning toward his small pantry.
Siwon stepped in behind him, the springed door closing automatically behind him. If there had not been a light shining, if it had been dark with Siwon so close behind... He plunged his hands into the bag to keep himself from imagining, or from carrying out what he imagined... Turning to Siwon and... He shook his head sharply.
“I just... You made her so happy,” Siwon said, sounding thankful again.
“What are friends for?” he said, smiling at the newly filled bowl in his hand.
“No, really,” Siwon said, reaching out, taking Hankyung’s hand in his. He felt as though the world had focused in just those scant inches of skin, Siwon’s thumb running distractingly over the back of his hand. It sent sparks up his arm, as much as the heat of Siwon’s palm was doing. He looked up, searching the tiny smile on Siwon’s face.
“Geng, I wondered... Would you, um...”
“Daddy, I think she peed,” Yunjee said plaintively through the door.
“We’ll be right there, baby,” Siwon assured her. Hankyung’s hand slipped easily out of Siwon’s, and he smiled.
“Guess I should go see what damage was done.”
“Yeah,” Siwon said softly.
He could feel a terrible tension, that something was missed, something important. “Were you... Did you want do ask something?”
Siwon shook his head. “It can wait.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Siwon said, taking the bowl from him and smiling in a way that made him ache inside. “Let’s go and see if I owe you a new rug.”
It turned out to be a small puddle on the linoleum, and not much of a disaster after all. By the time all was clean and put away, it was time for them to leave if they were to get to his mother’s restaurant on time.
He made a small bed of towels in the bathroom, putting in a shirt he had worn on Siwon’s suggestion. The newly christened Nala would stay in the small room until he returned, at least until she was comfortable with the house and her place in it.
“Be good,” he told the wriggling puppy, running his hands comfortingly up and down her sides. “I’ll be back after dinner. Maybe I’ll bring you back a treat. Be a good girl.”
She was lapping at her water bowl as he closed the door, turning to Yunjee and Siwon.
“Bye, Nala!” Yunjee called.
“Okay, let’s go!”
It was okay to catch a ride over with Siwon (they were going to the same place, and Siwon had offered), but he would most certainly be getting a ride back with Kyuhyun as he had planned. He idly wondered if Zhou Mi would ride with Kyuhyun as well. As he buckled himself in, watching Siwon buckle Yunjee into the back seat out of his peripheral vision, he didn’t think to mind.
***
“Why do we learn about architecture in a history class? We’re not going to be architects,” Henry complained to Donghae, who grinned.
“If we didn’t, wouldn’t it be weird? Would their houses look just like ours in our heads?”
He sent Donghae a skeptical look. “I don’t think anyone would be that dumb. Besides, we have pictures. I think the professor just hates us.”
“Has anyone ever hated you?” Donghae asked, far more serious than such a question warranted.
“Um. I don’t know?” The look in Donghae’s eyes reminded him of their classes, when he would catch a glimpse out of the corner of his eye of Donghae’s head, not subtly resting on his arms, and his eyes... On Henry. He had looked, started, more than once, raising his eyebrows in case Donghae needed something. But Donghae had just shook his head, wrinkling his nose in a little smile. It took several seconds for his focus to move back to the lecture, worrying his pen in his fingers as the stare settled around him like the glue he’d once compared Donghae to.
“I think it’d be really cool to see the primary sources of our texts,” Donghae said, capturing Henry’s attention again. “I bet the books they worked from are all in museums.”
“Probably,” Henry said absently, doodling in the corner of his paper as he considered his notes.
“Does Soulmate sell old books?”
“Huh?” He looked up, seeing Donghae’s tilted head. “Oh. No, we just have new books. My boss has some old ones, but they’re his, not for sale.”
“Ah,” Donghae said. “Have you seen them...?”
“His books?” Henry laughed, trying to imagine himself going into the book closet. The closest he’d been was when he’d gone back on a break and peered over Zhou Mi’s shoulder. Zhou Mi was a professor. No way was Kyuhyun letting someone like him near the books. “Hardly. He doesn’t let people really see them at all. Makes sense, since they’re his.”
“Aww, that’s sad,” Donghae said. “Sounds like they’d be fun to see.”
“Probably. I’ll let you know if he ever offers to let me.” Though he really doubted it.
Donghae’s smile was instantly wide and happy. “Great!”
Donghae was distracted the rest of their study session, and Henry pushed their conversation of Kyuhyun’s books out of his head in the attempt to keep Donghae focused. There was an architecture quiz looming on the horizon and that was all the mystery he needed.