(Untitled)

[coggerfickle]

An original fiction drabble this time, dealing with psychological muteness.  Vague mentions of sex.

Harmonise

She doesn't speak.

Her voice was scared away, and now she can't remember how to coax it back.  Even when he's inside her and the butterflies dance behind her eyes, his melody pierces the air solo; she can't add her own harmony.

She wonders why

Comments

[paperflowers06]

I love this piece. It's simple and quiet and powerful. I loved the last line "she tells him, with her mouth not her hands, that she loves him" because people often go on about physical affection, but "spoken" affection is just as powerful. The imagery here "his melody pierces the air solo; she can't add her own harmony" was really beautiful. The only thing I'd suggest changing would be the line "She can, but at the same time, she can't." It's not necessary and borders on over-explanation. The first line "She doesn't speak" says it much more subtly and actually very clearly. It would probably make the reader work just a tad more to get it, but I wouldn't mind. :)

Lovely piece.

[coggerfickle]

Thanks! *blushes* I'm quite proud of this one.

And that line is now gone. I'm very happy to take an axe to anything even slightly unnecessary. :D