On an entirely different note, it occurs to me that they may simply feel more comfortable contacting the member of a couple who is of their same gender. I've noticed that when a social group pairs up: the men mostly interact with each other and the women with each other, except for their particular partner. I'm not sure why that is.
But yes, defining that in terms of the one person being the other's "secretary" etc. etc. etc. is pretty fucked-up.
Her actual family member was the man, though. It was her brother. And she specifically said that she'd contact him first, except that he'd never answer his phone, yada yada yada. So she then defaulted to the wife, calling her his secretary. Weird.
Rule #2 is bullshit and totally pisses me off. There was this girl at my work who married her husband after knowing him for less than a year and they didn't live together. She was always telling me about what marriage was like and blah blah blah. She was celebrating her 1 year anniversary of MEETING her husband and Mike and I were celebrating our 6th year of being together.
Plus, being in a relationship for 5 years definitely does NOT make you single. You have been living with Ben longer than your coworker has known her husband.
Plus, a husband's social secretary? That's a laugh. If anything, our roles are the reverse of that since I work way more and hate my cell phone.
It's so funny how that dynamic works - within my coworkers we have several couples (heterosexual) that aren't married, but we've all been with our partners for quite a long time and some even have kids with them. But when talking about marriage and relationships, the married couples seem to have more 'cred' or something. It's very interesting to sit back and think about - not so nice when actually confronted with it. I never really thought I'd be defensive of my relationship (like, what, I've been with my bf longer than you've been with yours, so neener? how kindergarten is that?!) - but I really was. Surprising.
I will never understand people who believe they can know somebody well enough to marry them in less than a year. It just plain doesn't work that way. That's like deciding to buy a house when all you've seen is the garage.
There are statistics to back that up, too: apparently divorce rates are dramatically lower among married couples who knew each other for at least two years before getting married.
I think what is more offensive than the secretary crap is that they couldn't acknowledge your romantic relationship as legitimate even though you've been with your boyfriend longer than the one woman had been with her husband. If they want to bond together as part of a little union of enslaved housewives, more lack-of-power to them. It is barftastic and sickening.
I found that when I was married I was expected to keep house, cook, clean, pick up the laundry, balance the check book and work full time. Eventually, he was wanting me to add raising kids to that list. Fuck him. I have no respect for women who think that is cute or funny or charming.
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But yes, defining that in terms of the one person being the other's "secretary" etc. etc. etc. is pretty fucked-up.
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Plus, being in a relationship for 5 years definitely does NOT make you single. You have been living with Ben longer than your coworker has known her husband.
Plus, a husband's social secretary? That's a laugh. If anything, our roles are the reverse of that since I work way more and hate my cell phone.
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I never really thought I'd be defensive of my relationship (like, what, I've been with my bf longer than you've been with yours, so neener? how kindergarten is that?!) - but I really was. Surprising.
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There are statistics to back that up, too: apparently divorce rates are dramatically lower among married couples who knew each other for at least two years before getting married.
Reply
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I found that when I was married I was expected to keep house, cook, clean, pick up the laundry, balance the check book and work full time. Eventually, he was wanting me to add raising kids to that list. Fuck him. I have no respect for women who think that is cute or funny or charming.
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