(no subject)
I originally had the lifespan set to epic, but I decided it was just… Too long. So I cut every age by ~33% or more depending on the stage. I mean, fuck, I had it set to where they stayed children for 100 days. ONE HUNDRED DAYS.
Virginia: “I don’t know what pisses me off more; the fact that there’s a 50% chance I’ll give birth to a ghost baby, the fact that there’s a 50% chance it’ll be a vampire baby, the 50% chance that I’m having a vampire ghost baby, or the fact that you shortened my lifespan by 212 days. I HAVE A MISSION.”
Shut up, Virginia. you know I’ll end up feeding you ambrosia or something.
Beau: “I don’t think you know how to do math.”
Virginia: “You’re taking a screen cap of me brushing my teeth? Really?”
Beau: “Shit, Virginia’s going to kill me.”
Nah. She likes being the man of the house; repairs are her specialty.
Knowingly marrying an unemployed baby daddy? Not gonna happen. You’re lucky she lets you stay under the same roof with a lifetime wish like that. She has a reputation to uphold.
Gotta start somewhere.
I’d hate to break it to you, but all you really need is a mirror.
Beau: “The baby says it wants to be named Acanthus.”
Virginia: “How much were you paid to say that?”
Beau: “I wasn’t paid, I was threatened.”
Hamming: “So how does that work, anyway?”
Now, there’s a first.
Such a shame; Beau is at work. Who’s going to drive Virginia to the hospital?!
Hamming: “When I said I was going to take you to the hospital, I didn’t intend for you to drive yourself while in labor-”
Virginia: “Shut up, I’ve done this before. I’m pro.”
Hamming: “Dammit, Virginia, you’re going too fast!”
Beau: “I hope Hamming doesn’t mind me stealing his car so I don’t look like a deadbeat dad. Not that I’m not already dead or anything.”
Nurse: “So how does that work, anyway?”
Beau: “Awh, no ghost baby?”
Virginia: “Oh hell no, thank god. Fucking ghosts.”
Beau: “For that comment, I hope she turns out to be a pyro.*”
*spoiler alert: I checked Master Controller. She got the pyromaniac hidden trait from Beau. xD
Virginia: “Chauffeur! Move it!”
Hamming: “What about Beau?”
Virginia: “He floats too damn slowly. That’s what the teleporter is for anyway.”
Hamming: “He hasn’t even gotten to hold his child yet.”
Butler: “Good sir, Virginia is on her way inside, and if she catches you sleeping in her bed, she may well send you back to the netherworld.”
Beau: “Nope.”
Virginia: “What were you doing in my bed?”
Beau: “Waiting for you?”
Virginia: “Excuses.”
Beau: “Will you marry me?”
Virginia: “Will I what?”
Beau: “Marry me? And stuff?”
Virginia: “Are you butt-fucking insane? Death already parted us. What will we do about vows?”
Beau: “Fuck em.”
Virginia: “Alright. Where should we get married? The beach house?”
Beau: “Anywhere BUT the beach house.”
Virginia: “Why? What’s wrong with my beach house? I have all my parties there.”
Beau: “I kind of died there. Three times.”
Virginia: “Oh. Yeah. I remember that.”
Ohshit
Virginia: “What do you want?”
//Acanthus: “To be invited to your fourth wedding, of course.”
Virginia: “But it starts in like, two hours.”
//Acanthus: “So I’m invited, right?”
Virginia: “Fine. Whatever. You’re invited.”
Acanthus: “Great! I can’t make it, but it feels nice to be invited.”
Virginia: “Oh. Fine. Who needs you there anyway?”
Feng: “Hey, guys!”
Feng: “…where is everybody?”
Virginia: “Oh, we only invited ourselves and the house staff.”
Feng: “You consider me house staff?”
Virginia: “Yes, you’re our favorite servant.”
Feng: “Wow… I’m speechless.”
Virginia: “To love and to cherish…”
Beau: “Til unforeseen circumstances do us part”
Hamming: Nice one.
Feng: “I still can’t believe I’m seeing this.”
Desmond: “I’m used to this sort of thing.”
Darcy: So she just married a ghost, but she wouldn’t marry my dad? Tired of this shit. Maybe if I had murdered my father, she would’ve hunted him down and married his ghost instead. Then we could be a happy family!
Darcy: Tired of this shit. I should just break them up, and then kill my father. Then she’d marry him instead.
Hamming: “I ship it.”
Darcy: “What?”
Hamming: “Nothing, nevermind.”
Feng: “So, why didn’t Butler Bertram show up?”
Desmond: “He got baby duty.”
Feng: “Oh… Is it a ghost baby?”
Desmond: “No, just a vampire.”
Feng: I need to find another house to clean.
Virginia: (answers phone) “Hey, I’m kind of in the middle of something.”
Beau: “Ignoring the fact that you just took a phone call inside the wedding arch, who was it?”
Virginia: “Acanthus apologizing profusely and asking for photos.”
Feng: How is Hamming tolerating this arrangement? He has to literally live with this.
Hamming: “Congratulations on your 4th wedding! I wish you two the best.”
Virginia: “Awe, thanks!”
Feng: He can’t really be excited about this, right?
Feng: “Well, maybe it is kind of cute.”
Virginia: Is it bad that I think my 3rd wedding was way more fun?
Yeah, a little.
Awh, shit. It looks like the Butler just got his stupid ass killed.
Virginia: “Damn stereo. I knew I should’ve fixed it myself.”
Hamming: “NO! BUTLER BERTRAM IS MY FRIEND! Reaper, I challenge you… TO A REAL CHESS GAME WITH YOU ACTUALLY KEEPING YOUR PROMISES!”
Virginia: “Pfft. Good luck.”
Reaper: “Isn’t it funny that the reason he died is indirectly linked to listening to Justin Bieber?”
Hamming: “No. It isn’t.”
Hamming: “Not so fast… Do it now. RIGHT NOW.”
Bertram: “What happened?”
Virginia: “Well, you know what they say. Don’t let a man do my job.”
Beau: “So, you’re the one who cheated Virginia when she won. And let me die.”
Reaper: “Yep.”
Beau: “Why?”
Reaper: “It was amusing, and I wanted to see how far she would go for love. Taught her a lesson, didn’t it?”
Beau: “Uh… no, not really.”
Reaper: “Bye!”
Beau: “Well, this has been an interesting day.”