[Ficlet] Based On A True Story
So, chash had a reverse drabble meme and my prompt was I would love some Sam/Dean fic involving Dean actually being Batman.
Sam/Dean, G, crack, 450 words on the dot.
"That movie sucked."
"Dean-"
"Dude, they didn't get anything right!"
"It's a fictional movie, Dean."
"About me!"
"About Batman."
"I am Batman!"
"Scream a little louder, Dean, I'm sure they didn't hear you clear enough at the police station."
"And that's another thing! Why is Henricksen a white guy? And a cop! And what the fuck, why where they in Chicago? He's from fucking Milwaukee!"
"Okay, seriously, you have to calm down. It's just a movie."
"Easy for you to say, you weren't in it!"
"Yeah, exactly. At least you were in it, I don't even exist in their little fake universe."
"It's those fruity little man-panties, Sammy. They make everyone think you're a prepubescent kid."
"Shut up, that was your fault."
"You're a grown man; don't you feel a little ridiculous running around in a pair of frilly green panties?"
"You're a dick who dresses like a giant rodent."
"And who the fuck was that Joker dude? Was that supposed to be that yellow-eyed son of a bitch?"
"I told you clowns were evil."
"They have no respect for the source material."
"Most of the country thinks you're a crazy serial killer."
"Not Henricksen, Henricksen fucking loves me. They should have asked him."
"I think that might be considered a conflict of interest, Dean."
"I don't care! That bitch could've gotten me some royalties."
"Pretty sure Henricksen wouldn't like you calling him a bitch."
"Yeah, well I don't like a bunch of jackasses turning me into a whiny, moping crybaby."
"You do cry a lot, man."
"Fuck you, Sammy, real men cry; only pussies are crybabies."
"Do you not see the irony in whining about the fake you in the fake movie being a crybaby?"
"...Shut up. And I am way hotter than Christian Bale."
"Sure you are, Dean."
"Hey, don't think I won't make your ass sleep in the bathtub, buddy."
"Isn't that your phone ringing?"
"Likely story."
"What does that even mean?"
"It means it's your phone."
"No, it's-oh."
"You know, you really don't have call both of us at the same time. Sam's pretty much always right next to me."
"T'ch, don't worry about that; Dean doesn't shower."
"Hey, Vic, when're you gonna get us one of those giant lights like in the movie? This calling us shit is so low-tech."
"Seriously, just ignore him, what've you got for us?"
"Wisconsin again? What is wrong with your state?"
"We'll be there in about thirteen hours. Uh-huh. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Okay, bye."
"Come on, Sammy. Say it."
"No."
"Come on!"
"No."
"Sammy. Sam. Sammy. Robin."
"Don't even."
"Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy."
"Fine! To the Batmobile, Batman!"
Sam/Dean, G, crack, 450 words on the dot.
"That movie sucked."
"Dean-"
"Dude, they didn't get anything right!"
"It's a fictional movie, Dean."
"About me!"
"About Batman."
"I am Batman!"
"Scream a little louder, Dean, I'm sure they didn't hear you clear enough at the police station."
"And that's another thing! Why is Henricksen a white guy? And a cop! And what the fuck, why where they in Chicago? He's from fucking Milwaukee!"
"Okay, seriously, you have to calm down. It's just a movie."
"Easy for you to say, you weren't in it!"
"Yeah, exactly. At least you were in it, I don't even exist in their little fake universe."
"It's those fruity little man-panties, Sammy. They make everyone think you're a prepubescent kid."
"Shut up, that was your fault."
"You're a grown man; don't you feel a little ridiculous running around in a pair of frilly green panties?"
"You're a dick who dresses like a giant rodent."
"And who the fuck was that Joker dude? Was that supposed to be that yellow-eyed son of a bitch?"
"I told you clowns were evil."
"They have no respect for the source material."
"Most of the country thinks you're a crazy serial killer."
"Not Henricksen, Henricksen fucking loves me. They should have asked him."
"I think that might be considered a conflict of interest, Dean."
"I don't care! That bitch could've gotten me some royalties."
"Pretty sure Henricksen wouldn't like you calling him a bitch."
"Yeah, well I don't like a bunch of jackasses turning me into a whiny, moping crybaby."
"You do cry a lot, man."
"Fuck you, Sammy, real men cry; only pussies are crybabies."
"Do you not see the irony in whining about the fake you in the fake movie being a crybaby?"
"...Shut up. And I am way hotter than Christian Bale."
"Sure you are, Dean."
"Hey, don't think I won't make your ass sleep in the bathtub, buddy."
"Isn't that your phone ringing?"
"Likely story."
"What does that even mean?"
"It means it's your phone."
"No, it's-oh."
"You know, you really don't have call both of us at the same time. Sam's pretty much always right next to me."
"T'ch, don't worry about that; Dean doesn't shower."
"Hey, Vic, when're you gonna get us one of those giant lights like in the movie? This calling us shit is so low-tech."
"Seriously, just ignore him, what've you got for us?"
"Wisconsin again? What is wrong with your state?"
"We'll be there in about thirteen hours. Uh-huh. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Okay, bye."
"Come on, Sammy. Say it."
"No."
"Come on!"
"No."
"Sammy. Sam. Sammy. Robin."
"Don't even."
"Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy."
"Fine! To the Batmobile, Batman!"