Chapter 19 of Portrait
INDEX
Chapter 19
Chusok passed, blissfully boy-free. Hyekyung woke up the day after, already feeling a buzzing in her head. Seeing that it was still dark, Hyekyung reassured herself that she still had plenty of time to sleep until Hyemin woke her up. Hyekyung lowered herself back into bed and took a fold of her blanket and hugged it to her chest. Closing her eyes, she felt as though some force was pulling on her forehead and denying her the right to relax. Frustrated, Hyekyung flipped over and traced meaningless shapes on the wall.
She didn't want to ever get out of bed, because that would mean that she would have to drag herself off to school. And at school would be Dongjoo. Waiting for her. As he always was, waiting to actually do something to actually get anywhere.
Goodness knows that Hyekyung would never make a move. Hyekyung was almost positive that he liked her and she was pretty sure that she liked him, but at the moment, maybe she didn't like him so much after all. That picture of the two of them and the flower that had appeared on her desk...Was that supposed to be a symbol of his love or something? And he had been so bizarre that day when making songpyun with her, Halmoni, and Junho.
Junho was keeping her awake, too. What had been up with him that day? He just purposely tried to make her angry. He was so darn childish! But then again, when a boy teased you, it was supposed to mean that he liked you. But he couldn't like her. Even if he did, it'd never work out. He was obnoxious. And definitely far from what she wanted in a guy. And really obnoxious.
Hyekyung was so sick of people. Hyekyung decided she'd become a hermit. A hermit that lives in a hut on a deserted island. A hut that looks like a shell. A shell like for a hermit crab...
"KWON HYEKYUNG!"
Hyekyung turned in her face toward her pillow. It was still early...
"GET UP, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BITCH! WE'RE LATE!" Hyemin's abrasive shriek jerked Hyekyung awake.
"DO YOU EVEN WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL? I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING DRIVE YOU IF YOU'RE NOT READY! DAMN IT, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT THAT WE'RE FUCKING LATE, SO HURRY THE FUCK UP, DAMN IT!"
What was going on? The room thundered with Hyemin's irate voice. They were late?
Hyekyung didn't have a clock in her room so she had no idea what time it was. She swung her legs over the bed so she could go look at the clock.
The clock came to her instead, as Hyemin hurled the alarm clock at Hyekyung's face. Hyekyung's grip tightened on her blankets; Hyemin was terrifying when she was furious.
"WHY WASN'T THE DAMN ALARM CLOCK SET, HYEKYUNG? YOU KNOW THAT WE BOTH WAKE UP TO THAT ONE ALARM CLOCK! WHEN YOU USED IT FOR THE SONGPYUN DID YOU NOT HAVE THE F***ING COMMON SENSE TO PUT THE ALARM BACK ON? CAN YOU NOT EVEN HANDLE THAT FUCKING TINY RESPONSIBILITY? ARE YOU THAT STUPID? WHAT CAN YOU DO? EAT? SLEEP? YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN AN ANIMAL! OH, I FORGOT, YOU CAN DO THOSE POINTLESS PAINTINGS THAT ARE CRAPPY ANYWAY! YOU DON'T EVEN USE ALL THAT TIME YOU HAVE TO STUDY, WHEN YOU COULD BE GETTING GOOD GRADES AND GOING TO COLLEGE! WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB, HUH? WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO HELP YOUR ELDERLY GRANDMOTHER OR YOUR OLDER SISTER WHO WORKS FIVE JOBS TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO GET BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS WHEN OUR PARENTS WERE AROUND? ARE YOU THAT SELFISH? DO YOU CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF? DO YOU EVEN APPRECIATE WHEN OTHERS CARE ABOUT YOU? OR DO YOU JUST SIT THERE WISHING FOR MORE AND NOT DOING A DAMN THING ABOUT IT? WE DO SO MUCH FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU HELP US?! HOW COULD A PERSON DO SUCH A THING?"
Hyekyung sucked in the air in short bursts but couldn't exhale for fear that her cries would escape with them. Her thin shoulders jerked up with each inhale and she futilely curled in her lips tighter and tighter to keep them from trembling. A tear escaped and ran down the course of her nose, trying to hide itself from Hyemin's view.
"WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR, HUH? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO CRY FOR? ARE YOU THAT WEAK, YOU BITCH?"
Hyekyung tried to speak up and defend herself, so she whimpered, "I didn't mean to, unnie, I forgot...it was an accident...I'll try to remember next ti-"
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH! WHY DO YOU FORGET SO MUCH? WHY ARE YOU HAVING ACCIDENTS? JUST DON'T HAVE THEM! WE CAN'T AFFORD ACCIDENTS! WE CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING! WHY ARE YOU SO USELESS? AND YOU'LL TRY?! TRYING ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! YOU NEED TO MAKE IT HAPPEN! AND WHY AREN'T YOU READY YET? GET THE FUCK READY!"
Hyemin yanked the doorknob and screamed in outrage when the doorknob broke right off. Heaving that at the wall right by Hyekyung's ear, Hyemin stormed off.
Hyekyung folded over and opened her mouth to just heave the silent bawls out of herself. Tears blinding her, Hyekyung put on her clothes, letting out little cries the whole time. Hyekyung ran her hand across her face and forced herself to smile at her reflection in the mirror. She looked a mess, but it would have to do.
The car door slammed and Hyekyung made a point to sit in the seat directly behind Hyemin. Though Hyemin could see Hyekyung in the mirror, Hyemin couldn't turn around to see Hyekyung and that was what Hyekyung wouldn't have been able to take.
Hyekyung leaned her head back and turned away to look out the window in a desperate attempt to keep her concentration elsewhere and her tears in her eyes.
Hyemin kept on muttering to herself, "I don't understand how anybody could be that stupid and irresponsible. It's a f***ing simple alarm clock. Why can't she even handle that?"
Each word was a new spear that lodged in Hyekyung's heart.
I know I'm useless. I know I'm selfish. I'm sorry...
In her mind, Hyekyung's voice broke at the unnaturally high note of despair in the "sorry." Hyekyung knew what Hyemin's response would be. "WHY MAKE A SITUATION WHERE YOU HAVE TO SAY ‘I'M SORRY'?! JUST DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!"
Hyekyung closed her eyes and let the river from her eyes flow down the seatbelt. Softly hitting her head on the cold window, Hyekyung couldn't stop a hiccup-like sound from sneaking out of the corner of her mouth.
"ARE YOU CRYING AGAIN?" Hyemin demanded.
"No, I'm not!" Hyekyung said forcefully. She cursed herself for letting that cry out.
Hyemin made side comments the whole entire ride about Hyekyung and each time, Hyekyung clenched her jaw to keep herself quiet. When the excruciating ride was finally over, Hyekyung said goodbye quietly and hurried up the stairs to school.
Somin took one look at Hyekyung and immediately opened her arms to give Hyekyung a hug.
"Just leave me alone," Hyekyung pleaded. Somin recognized that Hyekyung meant it and so she merely told Hyekyung that they were doing rough sketches of some more portraits in art class, and so she should hurry up so that they could be partners.
Smiling like she had practiced, Hyekyung went in the classroom and hoped her nose and eyes weren't too swollen. She knew that nothing could be worse than pity plastered on her classmates' faces.