(no subject)
Because, really, as long as I already have a headache, I might as well get more of a headache.
BUFFY'S PROBLEMS
1. Homesick.
2. Bart.
3. What Robin said.
4. Purpose.
Yeah, I think all of the reasons Buffy's just...really really not happy right now fit into these four categories.
Homesickness is the biggest one, although it's not an entirely accurate term. It's not that she misses home so much as, like she told Kon, she wants to start actually living out the pretty decent future she's got going for her here. Buffy's aware that as long as she's in camp, she can't actually move forward with her life, and now there are all these things she wants to do. She wants to find Kon, marry Kon, finish college, make sure her world doesn't blow up, have kids, continue making sure the world doesn't blow up, and live happily ever after. While she's in camp she's getting older but she's not really doing any of the more adult things she now really wants to do. And she knows it might not work out, but the more things she adds to her future, the more it's possible to go wrong, and as she and Kon get more serious life discussion-y, she's aware of how much she's actually standing to lose if stuff doesn't work out. And Buffy isn't generally optimistic about her life. So she's just very anxious to find out how this is going to actually be.
Tying into this is that Buffy just hit her year anniversary. And, well, there is actually some pretty strong and legitimate missing of home in there. She misses her mom a whole lot, she misses Giles, Willow, and occasionally even Cordelia. She's also painfully aware of how good her life here is, compared to being at home, and it's making her feel pretty guilty. Partly because when Lupin's kid told her about the future camp he was from, even with the weirding out of ten kids, it didn't sound that bad. Which is making her feel terrible, because she really does want to go home, she's just aware of how much camp is getting to her.
(As a special ten kids note--Buffy's basic stance on that is that she's praying to god Kon grows out of it. Or that when they get out and have one kid and Kon notices how difficult it is, he'll figure out there's no way they could really handle ten. Interestingly, if they remained in camp, Buffy would really probably let him talk her into it.)
As for Bart, Buffy's been stressing about her relationship with Bart for...well, basically ever since she killed Faith. Because she knows that did something to how Bart feels about her that she can never take back. And she's a little pissed about that because, yes, she killed someone, but she did it for an excellent reason (to prevent the world blowing the hell up), with Faith's consent, and she came right back. Without any of those things, she wouldn't have done it. Anyway. At the same time, she doesn't think Bart's wrong in holding this against her.
This is where most of Buffy's issues with Lady tie in. Buffy is a basically possessive person. Lady and Buffy are really far too similar for Buffy to not be on edge around her. So basically Buffy sees someone who's a lot like her getting more of Bart's attention and love than Buffy is, and she doesn't get it and it makes her pissed at Lady but mainly it just really really hurts. Making this worse is Bart's relationship with Cabin 10, whom he now considers his family, whereas Buffy still thinks of Kon and Bart as her family, and she hates that he doesn't. From Buffy's perspective, Kon and Bart are the two most important people she has at camp, and she thinks from Bart's perspective she's basically been demoted from family and teammate to Kon's girlfriend. Escalating this was her failure to make Bart feel in any way better after Shinn's post about Ikkaku and him actually running from her, which made her feel like shit, and then his leaving again when she was having an absolutely shitty time in Lady's post and about to cry.
To sum up, Buffy's current perception is that Bart cares about her only by proxy (because she is important to Kon) and whatever role he had for her is now filled, and filled better, by Lady and Cabin 10. And since the only person she can figure out to blame for this is herself, it just makes her sad instead of angry.
She's also somewhat worried by what Robin said about Kon's reasons for proposing--basically talking to Kon about it has mainly made her reassured that Kon's not going to break the engagment or anything, and in a lot of ways she figures that, yeah, whatever prompted Kon to propose isn't that important because he still means it and wants her, but basically the combination of Kon wanting to get married and not engaged now, plus Robin's thing about his reasoning, plus his very sudden and strong attachment to the idea of having a lot of kids soon has got her pretty worried, except that in a lot of ways she just doesn't want to know.
Finally, Buffy's been the Slayer for the last three years of her life. This is, she's been told, her destiny. At camp not only is there nowhere for her to be a Slayer, but there are also any number of people stronger and more capable of doing Slay-y things than she is, and she's somewhat at a loss because of this. This was also made worse last night in Lady's post when Kon kept telling her to stay back--Buffy's not used to being, legitimately, one of the worst ones in a fight (she is, she knows, at least more bullet-proof than Robin, and probably has better reflexes), so not only does it really hurt her that Kon thinks she can't take care of herself in this kind of situation, it really hurts that he's right and she should let him protect her. So she's sort of at a loss for where she should be here that's getting worse with the long passage of time.
And I think that's basically everything that's making Buffy's head hurt right now. Important to note: because of all this stuff, Buffy is feeling incredibly anti-social. She replied to Byakko's post earlier entirely because he was not a person. She'll be staying in her cabin for a few days just because she doesn't want to see anyone and she doubts it'll make a difference. So until she's feeling better all her threads should be typed. Unless I forget. But they should be.
Yeaaaaaaaah.
BUFFY'S PROBLEMS
1. Homesick.
2. Bart.
3. What Robin said.
4. Purpose.
Yeah, I think all of the reasons Buffy's just...really really not happy right now fit into these four categories.
Homesickness is the biggest one, although it's not an entirely accurate term. It's not that she misses home so much as, like she told Kon, she wants to start actually living out the pretty decent future she's got going for her here. Buffy's aware that as long as she's in camp, she can't actually move forward with her life, and now there are all these things she wants to do. She wants to find Kon, marry Kon, finish college, make sure her world doesn't blow up, have kids, continue making sure the world doesn't blow up, and live happily ever after. While she's in camp she's getting older but she's not really doing any of the more adult things she now really wants to do. And she knows it might not work out, but the more things she adds to her future, the more it's possible to go wrong, and as she and Kon get more serious life discussion-y, she's aware of how much she's actually standing to lose if stuff doesn't work out. And Buffy isn't generally optimistic about her life. So she's just very anxious to find out how this is going to actually be.
Tying into this is that Buffy just hit her year anniversary. And, well, there is actually some pretty strong and legitimate missing of home in there. She misses her mom a whole lot, she misses Giles, Willow, and occasionally even Cordelia. She's also painfully aware of how good her life here is, compared to being at home, and it's making her feel pretty guilty. Partly because when Lupin's kid told her about the future camp he was from, even with the weirding out of ten kids, it didn't sound that bad. Which is making her feel terrible, because she really does want to go home, she's just aware of how much camp is getting to her.
(As a special ten kids note--Buffy's basic stance on that is that she's praying to god Kon grows out of it. Or that when they get out and have one kid and Kon notices how difficult it is, he'll figure out there's no way they could really handle ten. Interestingly, if they remained in camp, Buffy would really probably let him talk her into it.)
As for Bart, Buffy's been stressing about her relationship with Bart for...well, basically ever since she killed Faith. Because she knows that did something to how Bart feels about her that she can never take back. And she's a little pissed about that because, yes, she killed someone, but she did it for an excellent reason (to prevent the world blowing the hell up), with Faith's consent, and she came right back. Without any of those things, she wouldn't have done it. Anyway. At the same time, she doesn't think Bart's wrong in holding this against her.
This is where most of Buffy's issues with Lady tie in. Buffy is a basically possessive person. Lady and Buffy are really far too similar for Buffy to not be on edge around her. So basically Buffy sees someone who's a lot like her getting more of Bart's attention and love than Buffy is, and she doesn't get it and it makes her pissed at Lady but mainly it just really really hurts. Making this worse is Bart's relationship with Cabin 10, whom he now considers his family, whereas Buffy still thinks of Kon and Bart as her family, and she hates that he doesn't. From Buffy's perspective, Kon and Bart are the two most important people she has at camp, and she thinks from Bart's perspective she's basically been demoted from family and teammate to Kon's girlfriend. Escalating this was her failure to make Bart feel in any way better after Shinn's post about Ikkaku and him actually running from her, which made her feel like shit, and then his leaving again when she was having an absolutely shitty time in Lady's post and about to cry.
To sum up, Buffy's current perception is that Bart cares about her only by proxy (because she is important to Kon) and whatever role he had for her is now filled, and filled better, by Lady and Cabin 10. And since the only person she can figure out to blame for this is herself, it just makes her sad instead of angry.
She's also somewhat worried by what Robin said about Kon's reasons for proposing--basically talking to Kon about it has mainly made her reassured that Kon's not going to break the engagment or anything, and in a lot of ways she figures that, yeah, whatever prompted Kon to propose isn't that important because he still means it and wants her, but basically the combination of Kon wanting to get married and not engaged now, plus Robin's thing about his reasoning, plus his very sudden and strong attachment to the idea of having a lot of kids soon has got her pretty worried, except that in a lot of ways she just doesn't want to know.
Finally, Buffy's been the Slayer for the last three years of her life. This is, she's been told, her destiny. At camp not only is there nowhere for her to be a Slayer, but there are also any number of people stronger and more capable of doing Slay-y things than she is, and she's somewhat at a loss because of this. This was also made worse last night in Lady's post when Kon kept telling her to stay back--Buffy's not used to being, legitimately, one of the worst ones in a fight (she is, she knows, at least more bullet-proof than Robin, and probably has better reflexes), so not only does it really hurt her that Kon thinks she can't take care of herself in this kind of situation, it really hurts that he's right and she should let him protect her. So she's sort of at a loss for where she should be here that's getting worse with the long passage of time.
And I think that's basically everything that's making Buffy's head hurt right now. Important to note: because of all this stuff, Buffy is feeling incredibly anti-social. She replied to Byakko's post earlier entirely because he was not a person. She'll be staying in her cabin for a few days just because she doesn't want to see anyone and she doubts it'll make a difference. So until she's feeling better all her threads should be typed. Unless I forget. But they should be.
Yeaaaaaaaah.