The War Games
Previous: The Space Pirates
The War Games
The beginning of the end, and it opens with SO MANY RAPID S'PLOSIONS.
Small, innocent, unassuming TARDIS crew, stepping out into mud and laughing... ;___;
Hello...unexpected explorer woman? You seem frighteningly okay with the whole being-stranded-out-in-no-man's-land thing.
Ohhhhh, I see, it's a medical van.
Maybe it's just from seeing Blackadder Goes Forth and War Horse but there's something so much more raw about seeing the team in World War I.
Like, there's a much stronger feeling of them being out of their element. The TARDIS can't help them here because IT'S FRIGGING WORLD WAR I.
So naturally they mention a General Smythe and all I can think of is Evelyn.
"5,000 specimens." Aaaaand there's our first tip-off that something sci-fi is going on here.
It never surprises me at this point when some odd action happens between Two and Jamie it comes up as "unscripted business" in the InfoText.
Symthe's glasses seem to have special hypnotic powers. That's...highly disturbing.
Also, I can't help looking at Barrington and thinking "oh my god, it's Blackadder played straight." #peoplewholooklikerowanatkinson
This scene is turning into quite a dark foreshadowing of how this serial is eventually going to end...
N'aaaaaawwwww, but Two loves his Zoe.
Sneaky Zoe is sneaky.
So I wonder if the first episode of Caves of Androzani borrowed from this: mockery of justice and a cliffhanger with a firing squad.
Two conveniently saved by some other guy getting shot. And Zoe seems to have no qualms about climbing over dead bodies.
Now that sounds familiar...AH YES. A TARDIS IN ITS NATURAL STATE.
"What year do ye think i' is?"
"Year? Why, it's 1745!"
DUN DUN DUUUN.
Ahhhh, THIS must be where Two pretends to be a prison inspector. Poor baffled soldier.
James Robert McCrimmon is going to fuck your shit up with a stick and dramatic music.
"Civilians? Well, tell them to wait! I'm having my tea." #tea #thesolutiontoeverything
Yikes. Two is taking this role with a METRIC CRAPTON of gusto.
Jeebus. When Ten said that the monsters had nightmares about him, clearly the monsters had met prison-inspector-Two.
Well, considering Two and the redcoat just made their escape on their own, I get the uncomfortable feeling that Two's plan is rendered moot.
Oh, never mind, they know about it now.
Prison warden threatening to report you and your time traveling friends? Smash them over the head with a vase of pretty flowers.
I wonder if this is our first glimpse of Time Lord perception filter technology.
Hang on, there's that weird mist everyone was talking about...well, at least they're not near the front lines anymore.
Looks like they're still in modern times, what with the paved road and fences.
Oh wait, never mind. INCOMING ROMANS!
Attacked by Romans? Just switch into Reverse to go forward in time. Because that makes perfect sense.
Also, yikes, Two, that's quite a rip you've got in your trousers.
Apparently all they have to do is mention going somewhere to find a map to suddenly make this sound like a fantasy RPG.
"Jamie, I wonder whether perhaps I can pick this lock."
"Aye, with a tuning fork?"
Pat. Your face.
Ahhhhhhh. And finally the sporran-folding comes into context.
Huh. I didn't think candle wax was that easily detachable from the wick.
Cool! I can make out other zones on the map! Let's see...British Civil War, Crimean War, Russo-Japanese War...and that's all I can read.
Now I get to make the really strange remark that the Prussian officer looks like a less Asian version of my friend who got me watching Who.
(I should clarify that I'd known about Doctor Who since Tennant started but I didn't actually start watching until not long before he left.)
Sonic screwdriver's back! Now why couldn't he just've used that on the safe instead of going through all that bother with the bomb...
...oh right, timing. And other reasons.
And now we've got a hypno-monocle. Also, impressive that they're using actual German for some of their dialogue here.
Woah. Suddenly, FUTURE. Also, THE WAR CHIEF.
"They escaped my human lieutenant." Wait...HUMAN lieutenant? Are the hypno-leaders robots or aliens or something?
Huh. I think that's the first time we've actually heard someone's thoughts as a VO on this show.
Poor American soldiers, they've already fought the British twice and now they're getting their asses kicked by them in their own Civil War.
Good thing Carstairs' handgun seems to have unlimited ammo.
Another raw TARDIS! Let's have a look inside, shall we?
...Or it could just take off, leaving Jamie behind.
I just realized: this serial title sequence must've been murder for people with epilepsy. Because seriously that's a LOT of strobe lighting.
Time to play Judge the Quality of the American Accents. These aren't half bad so far.
Maybe it's because other Americans in 60's Who were from the South and West, but hearing normal American accents here almost sounds weird.
Okay, that was officially the most pitiful excuse for an outdoors backdrop ever. YOU CAN SEE THE CREASES IN THE PAPER WHERE IT FOLDS.
Aaaaaaand cue the Confederate soldiers with the distinct Southern accents.
Awww, that one guy was actually being quite a gentleman, but then HYPNO-MONOCLE.
Fun with visors!
Suddenly, rescued by random black dude! Awesome.
AND HE'S IMMUNE TO THE HYPNO-MONOCLE. I bow to your badassery, sir.
Ahhhh, here's the clip that Frazer showed us in The Time-Traveling Scot where he was doing his best John Wayne.
("Riding a horse was not usually a challenge for Frazer Hines - but this time he had to do it wearing a kilt!") #pffffftttttt
("Afterwards he found that all the hair had rubbed off his inside legs. But there was some compensation: on the bus home he got a thigh massage from a make-up girl.") And the rest is left to our dirty imaginations. #shuttingupnow
And now we know almost exactly what's going on. Thank you, Mr. Exposition Man! And hello again, Carstairs!
Aaaaaand after being reprocessed, he immediately singles out Two and Zoe as German spies. Greeeat.
Meanwhile in America... (interesting choice of music for a chase scene)
ACTION-SCOT TO THE RESCUE! Or maybe not...
Two, I think I understand what you're trying to do, but perhaps drawing more attention to yourself like that isn't the best of ideas.
Not a good time to be recognizing old schoolmates either, it seems. That was easily the most desperate "RUN, ZOE, RUN!" I've heard from Two.
Carstairs is free again! Which, unfortunately, could turn out to be a major problem right about now.
Huh, looks like one of the rebels is from Jamie's time. He's got a kilt, anyway...
Aw, I was hoping we'd find out where Harper was from. I know his actor is from Trinidad, but I can't place the character's accent.
Of course...that could very well be a Trinidadian accent. Not sure I've ever heard one before.
Locking away Zoe in the swirly room for interrogation? Not sure that'll get you the answers you want to hear.
I get quite a hefty dollop of satisfaction seeing the bad guys using some kind of truth-forcing device and STILL not getting their answers.
So, I still don't understand why they keep referring to the first place as the 1917 Zone and not the World War I Zone.
(And it was 9:17 when I tweeted that. Huh.)
Poor Harper. He was quite a brave man. Well, at least the resistance folk know about the TARDISes now.
"Aye, well ye probably have to do something very special with them." #nocontextforyou
That last gesture seemed to imply some significance of the emblem the War Chief has around his neck. A Time Lord artifact, perhaps?
"Ah, Lady Jennifer, I don't think you should come."
"Because I'm a woman?"
"Ye...uh, no, uh...well, in a way, yes."
"That settles it, then, I'm certainly coming."
BAM.
Hmm, is this a possible snippet of affection for Carstairs I'm seeing here?
"But the War Chief...he's the only one who understands space-time travel!"
"And his people."
#TIEMLOARDS
There seem to be quite a few hearing impaired people in this serial if they keep missing all those whispers.
NO NO NO DON'T KILL JAMIE.
Nah, I know he lives, but it's never pleasant watching him gunned down. And with that we reach the half-way mark!
"Are you suggesting he's bringing in his own people? The Time Lords?" And that, unless I'm mistaken, must be their first named mention ever.
A vibe I've been getting from actually watching this as opposed to hearsay is that the War Chief answers to the Warlord and not vice versa.
Of course, the War Chief is the one I always hear about as this story's villain and I didn't even hear of the Warlord until recently...
So that's my defense. On with the show.
Suddenly, cloakroom.
(I'll bet the Doctor was one of those little boys that liked to run around and hide in coat racks in clothing stores.)
First Jamie looks dead-ish...but then you see his crossed ankles and then it looks like he's just laying there, chillin'.
We get a good instance of the Doctor using his techno wits to solve a problem but then Zoe comes out with "why don't you just sonic it?"
Okay, so she's just suggesting that they use it as a power source. Okay, that works.
Aww, close-up sleeping Jamie...wait. Guys, do we really need to be looking up his nostrils like that?
Ah, he seems to be waking up now. Hello again, shouty-War Chief!
Please tell me I'm not the only person who can't look at those walls without immediately thinking of the Cingular logo?
"I think you'll find that THAT piece goes in THERE."
"Ah, thank you!" *double-take*
*lol u mad?*
Meanwhile, back in the "Civil War"...
I honestly can't help but wonder what's up with the security chief's voice. Is it a character tic or just shoddy acting?
"Your first responsibility is to me!"
"No! My first responsibility is to the Warlord, and to my people."
So I guess it wasn't just a vibe.
...okay, I might just need a gif of Carstairs shooting that guy in the face. Because that was just badass.
You know, I keep hearing in certain places that Zoe's photographic memory is mentioned once but never used...but it sure comes up a lot.
NO NO NO DON'T GIVE HIM THE MONOCLE BACK HE'S GOING TO...too late.
Or maybe not? Ohhhhhh right, this soldier's in the resistance so he has a certain immunity to the hypno-glasses.
Wait a sec...what's that tape over his eye? I suspect that's to hold the monocle in place, but shouldn't it be on the other eye?
And more importantly, shouldn't you guys be...well...*not* zooming in on it like that?
Insert "are you my mummy" joke here. #gasmaskzombiesfrom1969
Oh sure, Two, that's a good idea. Just loudly announce your presence to the guards with guns who may not have noticed you yet.
...I'm trying so hard not to make a fellatio joke right now, you guys.
Guns are out, FISTFIGHT! We shall duel like MEN!
Hang on, there're other people still in the blank TARDIS, so why don't they just tackle the guy with the gun from behind or something?
Or shooting him, that works too. Nice shot, Moor.
I'm only just realizing how much I'd love a spin-off of the resistance. I'd really love to learn some of their stories.
Also, a band of soldiers from different times and cultures fighting together would just be excellent character exploration fodder.
And they used a cliffhanger as the clip on all three of the DVD menu screens...why?
That collapsing ceiling suddenly looks a lot less threatening now that we can see down through the holes in the top.
Ah, and there's the large white hanky of surrender.
Or it could be the large white hanky of HEY LOOK AT THIS SMOKE BOMB I'M THROWING ON THE FLOOR KTHXBAI
I remember from Neil Gaiman's old article that the blank TARDISes were called "SIDRATs," but I wasn't expecting the long "I" sound.
Yikes. The Warlord's glasses sure make his eyes look a lot bigger.
Aww, and just when we were starting to get happy-picnic music, suddenly ROMANS.
The time zone barriers look suspiciously like the white zone from the first episode of The Mind Robber...
Aaaaaaand now we're back in Smythe's office and everyone's going to be on the hunt for our heroes in the fake fields of France again.
Zoe! There you are!
It seems like we rarely see Two this consistently mad in any one scene, but the 1917 zone really brings out his bitter side, doesn't it?
Two facing a firing squad...I guess this counts as foreshadowing.
Clever Zoe covering up the camera. Also, satisfying to know that Smythe finally bit the dust.
I'm surprised the Restoration Team wasn't able to clean up those bars that show up every time someone fires a shot in this scene.
I find it interesting that the War Chief is the more popular character when the Warlord is clearly in charge of everything.
And, for dorky reasons, I LOVE how Carstairs is speaking French to the French guy in a flat-out English accent.
*turns on InfoText* ...and it turns out the French guy is played by Michael Craze's younger brother. It's a small Whoniverse.
Two...why did you do that? Why did you run out in the open towards the guards just to save the machine? Now you've been captured.
It amuses me a bit more than it should that the cliffhanger ends on Jamie making a rather annoyed "well, shit" face.
Welcome to another edition of: Patrick Troughton Making High Whimpering Sounds When Something Bad Happens To Him.
...and usually when he concentrates, his face gets comically bunched up. But...not quite so this time.
Although I'm glad he figured out what no one else seemed to figure out about the interrogation machine: just keep your eyes closed.
I'm going to completely ignore the temporal grace debate that the use of that grenade brings up.
"Not you, Jamie."
"Aye?"
"Someone's gotta be in charge here."
"...Me?"
"Yes, lad. You."
"... :DD"
This is the first Time Lord vs. Time Lord face-off we've had since the Monk, isn't it? *gets front-row seats*
It's weird seeing this scene knowing, as a newer fan, that the Doctor as a runaway has been an established fact for years.
Well, okay he called himself an exile in Unearthly Child, but I think this is the first time his absence from Gallifrey is really discussed.
"My motives are purely peaceful." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...
Meanwhile back at HQ, awwwwwwww Jamie...
I AM TRYING REALLY REALLY HARD HERE NOT TO MAKE A "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION" JOKE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OH MY GOD.
(Okay yes I know they're from the Mexican Civil War like Zoe said but still you get the idea.)
Verdict: this man is a douche. Product of his environment, yes, but still a douche.
Also, completely random observation: Jamie must've switched to modern boots at some point. I don't think they made soles like that in 1746.
("As the performances developed, the friendly friction between [Jamie and Zoe] was complimented with an element of sexual tension.") WELP.
...Zoe how does draping Jamie in grenades help you at all I don't understand your plan.
I'm getting a little tired of that leitmotif. Also, I think that's the first time this story we've seen a Roman soldier in a studio shot.
More amused than I should be how the group at the base seem to be running this rebellion like a television pledge drive.
No really: they've got the jaunty music playing, the guys on the telephone, the map of all their successes...maybe more like an election.
I don't know about you guys, but something about this scene is screaming IT'S A TRAP!
Yyyyyyyyup. Which of course begs the question TWO WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
Ah, it always comes down to someone in power with the right knowledge wanting the Doctor's TARDIS, doesn't it?
I think I understand the fandom's theories about the War Chief being a pre-Master. He won't take his hand off Two's shoulder here.
Well, the resistance leaders have Two right where they want him. Maybe now the truth comes out...?
Okay, yes and no, I think. Baahh, everyone's too busy trying to violently murder Two.
On the other hand, clever boy Jamie for catching on and playing along.
Aww, and there's the knowing-wink. I wonder what war Zoe's going to pretend to be from?
...There's really no way of saying "and of course the Mexican guy screws it up" without sounding racist, is there? ...crap.
I have to admit: between the War Chief and the security chief, I'm actually rooting for the former because I just hate the latter more.
I'm actually not saying I hate the War Chief; I love him, but the security chief is such a nasally slimeball. Great love-to-hate villain.
Oh, maybe the plan hasn't been compromised, but then where did the guards go...?
This is starting to feel like a reverse base-under-siege scenario. Also, War Chief offs security chief BAM that was satisfying!
"...the Time Lords."
"Well, who're they?"
"They're my own people, Jamie."
"Oh! Well that's alright, then!"
YOU. JUST. WAIT.
And there's the message box from The Doctor's Wife! #ivegotmail
And of course I remembered the answer to my question from a few nights ago: The War Chief is a Time Lord but the Warlord isn't.
I'm just going to assume the War Chief was on his last life or he got hit so badly he couldn't regenerate. Either way, ouch.
This sequence probably has the highest concentration of face-punching of any Doctor Who episode ever.
"Jamie...Zoe...this is where we say goodbye." NO YOU CAN'T, IT'S AN EPISODE TOO EARLY.
"...oh very well, but don't say I didn't warn you!" That's the spirit! Mostly...
Awwww, Carstairs wants to go back for Lady Jennifer! Please let them have a happy ending, since I know Team Two won't get one...
Well, at least he didn't get shot at the last second. Goodbye, Carstairs. I think you and Jennifer would've made great companions.
Okay, I know that last cliffhanger was supposed to be dramatic, but it came off as just really silly-looking. Still, the end draws nigh...
Alright Team Two...one last go, aye?
I wish I could quote this entire TARDIS scene, but that would take too long. Soooo gooooood though.
Hey, isn't that the same water-landing shot from Fury From the Deep? Oh hey fishies hello little fishies OH GOD SHARK.
And that was definitely the opening from The Web of Fear. You can even see the web!
Here we are: Gallifrey for the very first time. And the moment is ruined slightly by the clear view of the studio from the TARDIS doors.
Alrighty, let's see how Time Lord trials work sans the Valeyard growling at everything all the time.
There's a Care Bear Stare joke in here somewhere. But wow, I didn't think the Warlord had it in him to cower like that.
Suddenly GUARDS.
"Don't talk rubbish, of course he can steer it!" Ohohohoho, this'll be interesting.
Forcefield around their entire planet AND "it will be as if you had never existed?" Time Lords: Serious Business as always.
"I not only admit them, I am proud of them! While you have been content merely to observe the evil in the galaxy, I have been fighting against it!" But just the one galaxy, Doctor?
THAT FACE. I HAD NO IDEA THAT FACE WAS FROM THIS EPISODE. AND THIS SCENE, OF ALL MOMENTS.
Aww, Two and his cards. He's somehow gone from being terrified to being bored.
Sooooo, why exactly do the Time Lords need this misty swamp maze curtain thing in their trial building?
"There is no escape, Doctor. It is time to say goodbye to your friends." Nononononono...
"Well, goodbye Jamie."
"But...but Doctor surely we could..."
"...Goodbye, Jamie."
"I won't forget you, y'know?"
"Oh, I won't forget *you*!"
DDDDDD':
"They'll forget me, won't they?"
"Not entirely..."
Well, I have to admit, that's better than nothing. And then Tip of the Mind happens...
"I thought I'd forgotten something important, but it's nothing." Making sad emoticons really isn't going to get me very far here.
"Tryin' to murder a McCrimmon, would ye? Well I'll show ye!" And after watching this bit with Frazer Hines, I can never take it seriously.
I'll admit, I'd always found Jamie's final seconds a bit goofy, and being in a roomful of people laughing along didn't really fix that.
"You will be sent to Earth in the twentieth century, and will remain there for as long as we deem proper." Or, about three seasons.
"You can't just change what I look like without consulting me!!" Heeeere we go...
And as Brian Rimmer showed in one of his videos, all of Two's complaints show up in some incarnation or another of the Doctor.
"The time has come for you to change your appearance, Doctor, and begin your exile."
Jamie, Zoe, Pat, you three helped me find a love for Classic Who nearly 2 years ago when I was just starting out. Thank you for everything.
And with that, I complete not only the entire Second Doctor era, but the entire black/white era of Doctor Who. Yet another chapter closed.
Fortunately, the next chapter is one that I'm particularly looking forward to: color, Pertwee and, most importantly, Those UNIT Chaps!
Next: Season 7: Spearhead From Space