Torchwood Fic: "It Started With A Drunken Medic - 2a/8" (Mulitple Pairings)
Title: It Started With A Drunken Medic
Part: 2a of 8
Author(s): cally73 (Toshiko), Clarrisani (Ianto), djpugsly (Owen), Obsessed7 (Gwen), QL (Random Others), Ruthyf (Jack), and introducing universically (Colonel James Hassel), and Immortal_Aussie (Cassandra West)
Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings
Summary: Owen drinks one drink too many while behind the wheel of the SUV. Chaos happens.
Disclaimer: Not anyway connected to the BBC emails, just a bit of fun.
A/N: This is a sequel to the Torchwood Australia Group Email Challenge "It Started With A Broken Headlight". Again, I have permission to reproduce this here.
Part One
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: I'm impressed
---
Wow! The place looks nearly as good as new. You must have been at it all night - or did you manage to coerce Janet into helping?
Tosh
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Going Out
---
I'm off to play Health Inspector at Jubilee Pizza, just to rule out the possibility that they've obtain some space whale. Fingers crossed that they haven't. I shouldn't be too long, and I'll bring back some samples for analysis.
Tosh
********************
To: All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: SUV
---
I've managed to book the SUV in to have it repaired at the usual place. They've assessed the damage and have told me it could take until Friday to repair it as they have to order in the parts. It's also going to be rather costly. In the meantime we're going to have to use our own vehicles during any missions, since we don't exactly have a vehicle in reserve.
Ianto
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Captain,
Further to our discussion last night, what time is best for yourself and your team for that meeting we discussed last night? While I still have conduct the rest of my investigation regarding the rift spike and why Torchwood was uncontactable for 48 hours, I think that it also gives a good opportunity to further our communication lines and improve U.N.I.T/Torchwood relations. I must admit, I am most looking forward to meeting your team.
I must ask though, are they all like you though?
Regards,
James
********************
To: Colonel James Hassel
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Colonel,
Unfortunately, we won't be available for a few hours - we're just a bit tied up with some alien activity that we are currently investigating.
And Sir, you'll be pleased to know that none of the team are like me at all.
Kind regards,
Jack.
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Going Out
---
I'm back!
As soon as I flashed my Health Department ID they were all over themselves to be of assistance. I told them that we'd had complaints about tainted meat, and that I needed to take some specimens. I've got samples of all their pre-cooked meats, plus some very suspicious looking steaks. It will be interesting to see what results Owen comes up with.
I must say though, they seem to run a pretty clean operation. That's a relief since we spend so long there. I managed to score a couple of free garlic breads. I think it was their way of attempting to ensure a favourable report.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Some Samples
---
Owen,
I've left you some samples of meat I obtained from Jubilee Pizza. Can you run a check on them to make sure there of earthly origin?
Thank you!
Tosh
********************
To: Torchwood [All]
From: Jubilee Pizza
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Updated Pizza Menu Specials
---
[General Note to Customers]
Due to a raid on our distributor's warehouse today, we are unable to fulfil our advertised Eat Meat Week Pizza Specials.
We apologise for the inconvenience.
Come on down or place your order for a Vegetarian or Margarita Pizza and receive a free "I LOVE EATING MEAT" car bumper sticker! Tons to give away!
Also doing a deal on garlic breads: 50 pizzas and then a free garlic bread!!
The Managers
Jubilee Pizza
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Torchwood!
Thx for paying us a visit this arvo. Head office said we had to cooperate with you guys, so hope we did that okay.
But we are missing all our "I LOVE EATING MEAT" car bumper stickers!
Do you know what happened to them?
Pretty sure they were here before you guys came.
Also, can you tell that Owen Harper that he is up to pizza #99 now so next time he gets a free garlic bread.
Also, can you ask if that brunette chick and the Asian babe wanna go on a double date with us? We'll pay!
Oh, and also, we're not really interested in going out on a date with you Captain Jack, but thanks for the offer!
Signed
Chez & Dafydd
Jubilee Pizza Junior Managers
Central Cardiff Branch
"Duuuuude! Come on in for a not meat pizza today!"
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Cassandra West
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Re. Your Email
---
Ms. Sato,
Like I assured you in my other email all information has been for my eyes only but to reassure you I'll delete it too. Re-reading over my previous emails I find I have to apologise for being a bit assumptions in my tone regarding your security and the work experience. I'm looking forward to hearing from Mr. Harkness (I'm correct in assuming that he is your leader, not?) To reassure you I do have permission from my teacher to do work experience with you... If you want I can forward the email to you..
Thank you for your time and patience
Cassandra West
********************
To: Cassandra West
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Re. Your Email
---
Miss West,
Thank you for your email, and for taking our concerns seriously. Captain Harkness has been rather busy over the past few days, but I can assure you that he will get to your request as soon as practicable.
Regards,
Toshiko Sato.
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Cassandra West
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Re. Your Email
---
Ms. Sato
That is no problem at all. Now that you pointed it out, it should have been glaringly obvious to me that I shouldn't do it no matter what my level of fascination is with your job...
Everyone has busy times now and again so it’s perfectly understandable.
Thank you
Cassandra West
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Cassandra West
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Work Experience
---
Captain,
According to Ms. Sato you are quite busy at the moment so I apologise for hassling you but I would just like to give you a quick reminder that I'm interested in doing Work Experience with you guys. During the week I'm willing to do any of the 'dirty work' that you guys keep putting off... repairs, to cleaning, to looking after Janet and the other weevils.
Thank you for your time
Cassandra West
********************
To: All
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: State of Affairs
---
Okay guys I'm back from my nap in the archive room after having spent all night fixing up the Hub and hiding all of the incriminating evidence.
Jack, you can go ahead and let those sods from UNIT through the Hub.
Tosh I have received those samples and will let you know what I find.
Gwen, I think I might have some of that coffee now, industrial strength black if you please.
Ianto, I found all of the pieces of your coffee machine, just has to be put back together now.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Rift Machine
---
Just letting everyone know that the Rift Machine seems to be functioning normally again. That should put an end to the readings UNIT have been getting that attracted their attention. I've also hired some builders in to repair the damage to the Hub, and the new coffee machine should arrive some time tomorrow.
I'm sure a couple of you might also be interested in the fact Jack should stop complaining about the crick in his back as I took care of that last night.
Ianto
********************
To: Torchwood [All]
From: The Courier
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Email Alerts
---
[You are signed up for 'The Courier' Email Alerts. Delivered directly to your IN Box!]
07 JULY 2008 NEWS IN BRIEF
** Strangeness Still Abounds - Cardiff Red Alert **
Two days ago, a series of strange events put Cardiff residents on red alert.
Fish rained from the sky (putting local fishmongers out of work), wine turned to water (putting local drunks out of work), Mermaids were spotted out in Cardiff Bay (again?) and a series of grotesque, almost alien-like creatures were seen lumbering about the city and causing all sort of mischief and mayhem.
And that was just for starters!
This reporter has seen too many weird things to document here, including a blowfish driving a sports car!!
One Cardiff resident, who wished to remain anonymous, believed that terrorists had poisoned Cardiff's water supply with hallucinogenic drugs! "How else could you explain this stuff?" he asked.
The Courier tried to contact Cardiff Heddlu for their view, but no response was given at time of going to print.
When will this madness end?!?
For more details of the strange happenings over the past two days, please buy today's evening edition of 'The Courier'.
-END-
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Myfanwy
---
Owen, do you know what happened to Myfanwy? She appears a little... off.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
Ianto you sod I found all of the pieces of your coffee machine, they're all still in good nick, you don't need to buy a new one you just have to put them back together again. In fact I'll head over and do it right now with the harmonic atomiser that Tosh designed.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Coffee's here!
---
Hello everyone, sorry I'm late. I've left your coffee on your desks, there was a two for one offer on danishes as well so everyone's got one of those as well.
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Myfanwy
---
Oh, um... yeah. I guess she could still smell the barbeque sauce on me and, well... I had to throw my surgical scissors at her. Which she promptly ate before flying away to her hidey-hole. I guess it's giving her a bit of indigestion.
Owen.
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
Owen, do you remember the last time you rebuilt the coffee machine after you destroyed it with that piece of alien technology you found? We all ended up with gastro for a week.
Ianto
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Thanks, Gwen! You're a life-saver. Did you manage to settle Rhys down after being incommunicado for 48 hours?
Tosh
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
It's fine, I'm better at it now. In fact it's already fixed. Can I get anyone any coffee? I know I'm having one.
Owen.
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
I might pass on the coffee thanks, Owen. I'm still drinking the one Gwen brought in. Thanks for the offer.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine & Myfanwy
---
Firstly, I have ordered a new coffee machine. It is safer that way.
Secondly, you did what to Myfanwy? Do you remember the last time she ate a piece of your surgical equipment? We're going to need to sedate and x-ray her just in case the same things happens again.
Ianto
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Thanks Gwen.....danishes sound good!
Jack.
********************
To: Cassandra West
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Dear Ms West,
Thank you for your enquiring regarding work experience with Torchwood.
I haven't come to a decision yet, but will let you know shortly if work experience with us will be possible.
Kind regards,
Captain Jack Harkness.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine & Myfanwy
---
Okay but we're going to need to catch her first, and I'm kind of busy with the meat that Tosh got back from the pizza joint. Why don't you get Jack to help you when he gets back, be just like old times...
Owen.
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Well he's been fairly understanding, it did take a while to calm him down though. Hence me being so late in today. I promised to go home early as well, so unless some emergency pops up I won't be here for very long.
Gwen
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
I think you are all aware about the young lady who is eager to do work experience with Torchwood.
I have grave reservations about this occurring, but would value your feedback regarding the matter.
Could you please let me know your thoughts as soon as you can?
Thanks Kids.
Jack.
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
I was wondering if you would even make it in, or if Rhys would tie you to the kitchen chair.
Tosh
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Cardiff Chaos
---
Jack, did you see the email from The Courier? Firstly, it's bad enough that it happened, but the main problem now is if they publish it tomorrow our visiting UNIT Colonel may read it and have more reason to look into our affairs. I don't know about you, Sir, but I believe we have enough problems as it is. Any suggestions as to what we can do?
Ianto
P.S. You've been rather quiet today. Are you well? Are you still mad at Owen? Or was last night... simply not up to your expectations?
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Coffee
---
Ianto, Owen's coffee order was 'accidentally' mixed up, he's got a chai latte instead of his industrial black. Let him steam and stew for a while and then tell him the coffee shop buggered up the order and has just dropped in the correct one. Do with it what you wish before you give it to him ;)
Gwen
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Captain,
I've twiddled my thumbs as much as possible. Any chance of actually assessing what I've come here to assess?
I would've enjoyed a spot of alien hunting. Taking all the fun in Cardiff, hey?
Regards,
Colonel Hassel
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Actually... he tied me to the bed whilst I was asleep... I had to make certain promises before he let me go...
Gwen
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Owen,
Are you trying to seek some sympathy for having to spend the night at the Hub, fixing up YOUR MESS?
I don't think so! It was justified "punishment" I believe.
Jack.
********************
To: Colonel James Hassel
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Colonel,
I believe we are all ready and waiting for your visit now.
The Team have been covering things up getting everything in order for you.
Please come to the "tourist centre" and our Ianto Jones will be there to greet you.
We look forward to giving you the grand inspection.
Kind regards,
Captain Jack Harkness.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Ianto,
I'm expecting Colonel Hassel at any moment - please advise all the team and ensure you are on hand to greet the Colonel at the "tourist centre".
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
I share your concerns, Jack. If it wasn't just the safety concerns, we could let her come and the retcon her. It's a lot of responsibility to take someone on who doesn't fully grasp the situation here. What could we let her do? She's not getting anywhere near my systems, and we can't put her onto making coffee because Ianto would have a fit.
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Finally! My ETA is approx 10mins.
I say, I'm rather looking forward to this!
Regards,
Colonel Hassel
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Cardiff Chaos
---
Yes I saw it Ianto - The Courier story is the last thing we need.
And I think the Colonel is going to be hanging around here for around a week, so basically it means we could be in deep shit!
Damn UNIT; I wish they'd just keep their noses out of Torchwood business.
I think The Courier might need some of Tosh's magic hacking - perhaps, enough major hacking to do some short term damage to their production for say, maybe, a week? Do you like that idea?
Jack.
PS - no problems with last night my dear boy. Let's just say I'm a bit distracted at the moment. Nothing that you've done.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Ok fine, I'm a twat ok? Listen I don't feel so good right at the moment. Don't tell the others but I think it has to do with the coffee machine that I put back together. Just letting you know so that if you see me running for the john in the middle of the UNIT inspection, you'll know why.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: UNIT
---
It would appear that the Colonel has arrived, so it's everyone to their stations. I'm just going to head up and meet her. Owen, we're going to hold off checking Myfanwy until he goes. Hopefully he doesn't stay long.
Ianto
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Poor Rhys. He's been such a good sport about things.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
You've no idea how much I'm hoping. Had to wear my bleedin' white pants today didn't I?
Owen.
********************
To: Maj Gen Arthur Hallow
From: Col James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Torchwood Investigation Update
---
Sir,
Finally been given entrance to Torchwood. Definitely hiding something. Did you see the report from The Courier regarding the strange occurrences in the last 48 hours? A.R.S.E didn't mention any reports of this level of disturbance. Who the hell is in charge of them at the moment? I think we may have to re-evaluate that scenario.
I will email any further updates as they happen.
Regards,
James
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Jack, I believe I expressed my concerns last night. Perhaps she can be an... outside agent, meaning she never has to enter the Hub and only has to do minor surveillance jobs without ever actually being properly inducted into Torchwood life. I mean, it took a cup of coffee, saving you from a Weevil, hunting Myfanwy and a lot of flirting before you accepted me.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Um Ianto, since when did the Colonel have a sex change? She was a HE last night....
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Sorry, sir. Tosh dropped a pen and was bending over to pick it up while I was writing that. In case you haven't noticed she's wearing her low cut top today.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Ianto,
Re Tosh - and how long did it take you to notice that today?
Oh dear! You're a bit slow today I gather?
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Oh Owen, it sounds to me like....oh, never mind!
If you are not feeling well, by all means please go home.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
I always take note of what people are wearing, Jack. Everyone is dressed rather nicely today for the Colonel. Even Owen. It's simply that when Tosh picked up that pen... Well. I guess sometimes I forget how well... proportioned she is.
Ianto
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Special Project
---
Toshiko,
I mentioned to Ianto before that I thought it would be an exceptionally good idea if you put your excellent hacking skills to good use.
Would you like to have a little play on The Courier mainframe? I'm thinking perhaps screw with their system enough to put them out of action for say, a week? Sound like fun?
Of course, please do not let the Colonel see what is going on.
Jack.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Tsk tsk Ianto.....
Let's just say, Toshiko's proportions never escape my attention.
Have you had your eyes tested lately?
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
You can hardly blame me, Sir. She usually doesn't wear outfits that compliment her figure in that regard, so it can be rather easy to forget and be distracted by Gwen who does wear complimentary outfits. I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from.
Ianto
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
I'd love to hack into them. This should be fun! Don't worry - the colonel won't have any idea what I'm up to.
Tosh
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
No sir! I got us into this mess, I going to help us get through it. Besides all there is for me at home is a copy of 'Knockers and Knobs' and a tub of hand lotion.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Well after some feedback, I must say I like the idea of using this young lady as an outside agent and would endeavour to keep her out of the Hub completely. I'm sure there are plenty of errands we could send her on around Cardiff.
And if worse comes to worse, we can always retcon her at the end of the week if anything goes awry.
Does everyone agree?
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
I think that sounds like a good plan, Jack. It will keep her out of our hair.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee
---
Rhys has been very understanding and I'm lucky to have him. Although I think he's up to something, when I got home last night there were bits of paper all over the place and he seemed quite cagey about what he'd been up to... and then of course he sidetracked me with the whole '2 bloody days Gwen, where the fuck have you been?' spiel and it was guns blazing from then on!
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Mr Jones, I'm starting to think you spend your entire day ogling your fellow team mates bodies (perhaps including Owen's? scary thought).
Oh, who am I kidding, of course that is what you do all day, right?
It's always the quiet ones!
Jack.
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
I'm pleased with your enthusiasm Tosh. Go for it!
Keep me abreast of the situation though.
Thanks.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
That sounds like the perfect solution Jack, I could always introduce her to Andy and get him to show her around a bit too.
Gwen
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
PS - I've been meaning to mention to you, you look very nice today Tosh. Very. Nice.
Keep up the good work!
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
That is an excellent idea Gwen, and I'm sure Andy would love to do that.
I'm going to email Ms West shortly about it.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
That depends. Is she hot?
Owen.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Sounds fine to me, Sir. Also, I just had a phone call from Cardiff Castle. Apparently they have 'ghosts that aren't ghosts'. I know we are busy, but perhaps one of us should go take a look.
Ianto
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
Why, Jack, how nice of you to notice! I thought that I should put on a good impression for the Colonel.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Oh if you insist Owen. But try to ensure that you don't leave your run too late to the toilet, if you are feeling that unwell. I don't want any embarrassing accidents occurring during the Colonel's visit.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
OK then, let me know when she's due to arrive and I'll call Andy.
Just letting you know as well, as soon as this UNIT bloke is taken care of I have to go - Rhys needs more placating, he nearly didn't let me come in today, I had to make some very serious promises before he untied me let me leave the flat.
Gwen
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
As they say Owen "get back in your box"!
And she is way too young for you to be having those thoughts. Get your mind out of the gutter for a change Harper!
Jack.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Cardiff Castle
---
That's all we need Ianto. We don't have enough people to spread around today, and Owen isn't feeling well, so I wouldn't suggest letting him leave the Hub.
Perhaps send Gwen out. Tosh is on that "special project" for me, and I need you to keep an eye look after the Colonel.
Where is the Colonel at the moment? I haven't spied him since he arrived.
Jack.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Does anyone in Torchwood actually own a watch?
---
Captain,
Once again I seem to be left languishing in the tourist bureau. While I admit your postcard collection could be classified as mildly exciting, I would prefer to get a move along.
Any chance of gracing me with your presence?
Colonel Hassel
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Coming from you Jack? I'm shocked!
Owen.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: The Colonel
---
I left him with a nice pile of paperwork to fill out regarding confidential material and having to legalise his visit and all that. Admittedly I made most of it up last night while you were asleep to keep him sidetracked, but it means I have to spend less time dealing with him. I'm not very fond of UNIT. I guess it comes from my experiences with them at Torchwood One.
Ianto
********************
Forward to Part 2b
Part: 2a of 8
Author(s): cally73 (Toshiko), Clarrisani (Ianto), djpugsly (Owen), Obsessed7 (Gwen), QL (Random Others), Ruthyf (Jack), and introducing universically (Colonel James Hassel), and Immortal_Aussie (Cassandra West)
Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings
Summary: Owen drinks one drink too many while behind the wheel of the SUV. Chaos happens.
Disclaimer: Not anyway connected to the BBC emails, just a bit of fun.
A/N: This is a sequel to the Torchwood Australia Group Email Challenge "It Started With A Broken Headlight". Again, I have permission to reproduce this here.
Part One
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: I'm impressed
---
Wow! The place looks nearly as good as new. You must have been at it all night - or did you manage to coerce Janet into helping?
Tosh
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Going Out
---
I'm off to play Health Inspector at Jubilee Pizza, just to rule out the possibility that they've obtain some space whale. Fingers crossed that they haven't. I shouldn't be too long, and I'll bring back some samples for analysis.
Tosh
********************
To: All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: SUV
---
I've managed to book the SUV in to have it repaired at the usual place. They've assessed the damage and have told me it could take until Friday to repair it as they have to order in the parts. It's also going to be rather costly. In the meantime we're going to have to use our own vehicles during any missions, since we don't exactly have a vehicle in reserve.
Ianto
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Captain,
Further to our discussion last night, what time is best for yourself and your team for that meeting we discussed last night? While I still have conduct the rest of my investigation regarding the rift spike and why Torchwood was uncontactable for 48 hours, I think that it also gives a good opportunity to further our communication lines and improve U.N.I.T/Torchwood relations. I must admit, I am most looking forward to meeting your team.
I must ask though, are they all like you though?
Regards,
James
********************
To: Colonel James Hassel
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Colonel,
Unfortunately, we won't be available for a few hours - we're just a bit tied up with some alien activity that we are currently investigating.
And Sir, you'll be pleased to know that none of the team are like me at all.
Kind regards,
Jack.
********************
To: All
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Going Out
---
I'm back!
As soon as I flashed my Health Department ID they were all over themselves to be of assistance. I told them that we'd had complaints about tainted meat, and that I needed to take some specimens. I've got samples of all their pre-cooked meats, plus some very suspicious looking steaks. It will be interesting to see what results Owen comes up with.
I must say though, they seem to run a pretty clean operation. That's a relief since we spend so long there. I managed to score a couple of free garlic breads. I think it was their way of attempting to ensure a favourable report.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Some Samples
---
Owen,
I've left you some samples of meat I obtained from Jubilee Pizza. Can you run a check on them to make sure there of earthly origin?
Thank you!
Tosh
********************
To: Torchwood [All]
From: Jubilee Pizza
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Updated Pizza Menu Specials
---
[General Note to Customers]
Due to a raid on our distributor's warehouse today, we are unable to fulfil our advertised Eat Meat Week Pizza Specials.
We apologise for the inconvenience.
Come on down or place your order for a Vegetarian or Margarita Pizza and receive a free "I LOVE EATING MEAT" car bumper sticker! Tons to give away!
Also doing a deal on garlic breads: 50 pizzas and then a free garlic bread!!
The Managers
Jubilee Pizza
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Torchwood!
Thx for paying us a visit this arvo. Head office said we had to cooperate with you guys, so hope we did that okay.
But we are missing all our "I LOVE EATING MEAT" car bumper stickers!
Do you know what happened to them?
Pretty sure they were here before you guys came.
Also, can you tell that Owen Harper that he is up to pizza #99 now so next time he gets a free garlic bread.
Also, can you ask if that brunette chick and the Asian babe wanna go on a double date with us? We'll pay!
Oh, and also, we're not really interested in going out on a date with you Captain Jack, but thanks for the offer!
Signed
Chez & Dafydd
Jubilee Pizza Junior Managers
Central Cardiff Branch
"Duuuuude! Come on in for a not meat pizza today!"
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Cassandra West
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Re. Your Email
---
Ms. Sato,
Like I assured you in my other email all information has been for my eyes only but to reassure you I'll delete it too. Re-reading over my previous emails I find I have to apologise for being a bit assumptions in my tone regarding your security and the work experience. I'm looking forward to hearing from Mr. Harkness (I'm correct in assuming that he is your leader, not?) To reassure you I do have permission from my teacher to do work experience with you... If you want I can forward the email to you..
Thank you for your time and patience
Cassandra West
********************
To: Cassandra West
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Re. Your Email
---
Miss West,
Thank you for your email, and for taking our concerns seriously. Captain Harkness has been rather busy over the past few days, but I can assure you that he will get to your request as soon as practicable.
Regards,
Toshiko Sato.
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Cassandra West
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Re. Your Email
---
Ms. Sato
That is no problem at all. Now that you pointed it out, it should have been glaringly obvious to me that I shouldn't do it no matter what my level of fascination is with your job...
Everyone has busy times now and again so it’s perfectly understandable.
Thank you
Cassandra West
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Cassandra West
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Work Experience
---
Captain,
According to Ms. Sato you are quite busy at the moment so I apologise for hassling you but I would just like to give you a quick reminder that I'm interested in doing Work Experience with you guys. During the week I'm willing to do any of the 'dirty work' that you guys keep putting off... repairs, to cleaning, to looking after Janet and the other weevils.
Thank you for your time
Cassandra West
********************
To: All
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: State of Affairs
---
Okay guys I'm back from my nap in the archive room after having spent all night fixing up the Hub and hiding all of the incriminating evidence.
Jack, you can go ahead and let those sods from UNIT through the Hub.
Tosh I have received those samples and will let you know what I find.
Gwen, I think I might have some of that coffee now, industrial strength black if you please.
Ianto, I found all of the pieces of your coffee machine, just has to be put back together now.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Rift Machine
---
Just letting everyone know that the Rift Machine seems to be functioning normally again. That should put an end to the readings UNIT have been getting that attracted their attention. I've also hired some builders in to repair the damage to the Hub, and the new coffee machine should arrive some time tomorrow.
I'm sure a couple of you might also be interested in the fact Jack should stop complaining about the crick in his back as I took care of that last night.
Ianto
********************
To: Torchwood [All]
From: The Courier
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Email Alerts
---
[You are signed up for 'The Courier' Email Alerts. Delivered directly to your IN Box!]
07 JULY 2008 NEWS IN BRIEF
** Strangeness Still Abounds - Cardiff Red Alert **
Two days ago, a series of strange events put Cardiff residents on red alert.
Fish rained from the sky (putting local fishmongers out of work), wine turned to water (putting local drunks out of work), Mermaids were spotted out in Cardiff Bay (again?) and a series of grotesque, almost alien-like creatures were seen lumbering about the city and causing all sort of mischief and mayhem.
And that was just for starters!
This reporter has seen too many weird things to document here, including a blowfish driving a sports car!!
One Cardiff resident, who wished to remain anonymous, believed that terrorists had poisoned Cardiff's water supply with hallucinogenic drugs! "How else could you explain this stuff?" he asked.
The Courier tried to contact Cardiff Heddlu for their view, but no response was given at time of going to print.
When will this madness end?!?
For more details of the strange happenings over the past two days, please buy today's evening edition of 'The Courier'.
-END-
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Myfanwy
---
Owen, do you know what happened to Myfanwy? She appears a little... off.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
Ianto you sod I found all of the pieces of your coffee machine, they're all still in good nick, you don't need to buy a new one you just have to put them back together again. In fact I'll head over and do it right now with the harmonic atomiser that Tosh designed.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Coffee's here!
---
Hello everyone, sorry I'm late. I've left your coffee on your desks, there was a two for one offer on danishes as well so everyone's got one of those as well.
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Myfanwy
---
Oh, um... yeah. I guess she could still smell the barbeque sauce on me and, well... I had to throw my surgical scissors at her. Which she promptly ate before flying away to her hidey-hole. I guess it's giving her a bit of indigestion.
Owen.
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
Owen, do you remember the last time you rebuilt the coffee machine after you destroyed it with that piece of alien technology you found? We all ended up with gastro for a week.
Ianto
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Thanks, Gwen! You're a life-saver. Did you manage to settle Rhys down after being incommunicado for 48 hours?
Tosh
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
It's fine, I'm better at it now. In fact it's already fixed. Can I get anyone any coffee? I know I'm having one.
Owen.
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine
---
I might pass on the coffee thanks, Owen. I'm still drinking the one Gwen brought in. Thanks for the offer.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine & Myfanwy
---
Firstly, I have ordered a new coffee machine. It is safer that way.
Secondly, you did what to Myfanwy? Do you remember the last time she ate a piece of your surgical equipment? We're going to need to sedate and x-ray her just in case the same things happens again.
Ianto
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Thanks Gwen.....danishes sound good!
Jack.
********************
To: Cassandra West
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Dear Ms West,
Thank you for your enquiring regarding work experience with Torchwood.
I haven't come to a decision yet, but will let you know shortly if work experience with us will be possible.
Kind regards,
Captain Jack Harkness.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Rift Machine & Myfanwy
---
Okay but we're going to need to catch her first, and I'm kind of busy with the meat that Tosh got back from the pizza joint. Why don't you get Jack to help you when he gets back, be just like old times...
Owen.
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Well he's been fairly understanding, it did take a while to calm him down though. Hence me being so late in today. I promised to go home early as well, so unless some emergency pops up I won't be here for very long.
Gwen
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
I think you are all aware about the young lady who is eager to do work experience with Torchwood.
I have grave reservations about this occurring, but would value your feedback regarding the matter.
Could you please let me know your thoughts as soon as you can?
Thanks Kids.
Jack.
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
I was wondering if you would even make it in, or if Rhys would tie you to the kitchen chair.
Tosh
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Cardiff Chaos
---
Jack, did you see the email from The Courier? Firstly, it's bad enough that it happened, but the main problem now is if they publish it tomorrow our visiting UNIT Colonel may read it and have more reason to look into our affairs. I don't know about you, Sir, but I believe we have enough problems as it is. Any suggestions as to what we can do?
Ianto
P.S. You've been rather quiet today. Are you well? Are you still mad at Owen? Or was last night... simply not up to your expectations?
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Coffee
---
Ianto, Owen's coffee order was 'accidentally' mixed up, he's got a chai latte instead of his industrial black. Let him steam and stew for a while and then tell him the coffee shop buggered up the order and has just dropped in the correct one. Do with it what you wish before you give it to him ;)
Gwen
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Captain,
I've twiddled my thumbs as much as possible. Any chance of actually assessing what I've come here to assess?
I would've enjoyed a spot of alien hunting. Taking all the fun in Cardiff, hey?
Regards,
Colonel Hassel
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Actually... he tied me to the bed whilst I was asleep... I had to make certain promises before he let me go...
Gwen
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Owen,
Are you trying to seek some sympathy for having to spend the night at the Hub, fixing up YOUR MESS?
I don't think so! It was justified "punishment" I believe.
Jack.
********************
To: Colonel James Hassel
From: Captain Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Colonel,
I believe we are all ready and waiting for your visit now.
The Team have been covering things up getting everything in order for you.
Please come to the "tourist centre" and our Ianto Jones will be there to greet you.
We look forward to giving you the grand inspection.
Kind regards,
Captain Jack Harkness.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Ianto,
I'm expecting Colonel Hassel at any moment - please advise all the team and ensure you are on hand to greet the Colonel at the "tourist centre".
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
I share your concerns, Jack. If it wasn't just the safety concerns, we could let her come and the retcon her. It's a lot of responsibility to take someone on who doesn't fully grasp the situation here. What could we let her do? She's not getting anywhere near my systems, and we can't put her onto making coffee because Ianto would have a fit.
Tosh
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Team meeting discussed at dinner last night
---
Finally! My ETA is approx 10mins.
I say, I'm rather looking forward to this!
Regards,
Colonel Hassel
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Cardiff Chaos
---
Yes I saw it Ianto - The Courier story is the last thing we need.
And I think the Colonel is going to be hanging around here for around a week, so basically it means we could be in deep shit!
Damn UNIT; I wish they'd just keep their noses out of Torchwood business.
I think The Courier might need some of Tosh's magic hacking - perhaps, enough major hacking to do some short term damage to their production for say, maybe, a week? Do you like that idea?
Jack.
PS - no problems with last night my dear boy. Let's just say I'm a bit distracted at the moment. Nothing that you've done.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Ok fine, I'm a twat ok? Listen I don't feel so good right at the moment. Don't tell the others but I think it has to do with the coffee machine that I put back together. Just letting you know so that if you see me running for the john in the middle of the UNIT inspection, you'll know why.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: UNIT
---
It would appear that the Colonel has arrived, so it's everyone to their stations. I'm just going to head up and meet her. Owen, we're going to hold off checking Myfanwy until he goes. Hopefully he doesn't stay long.
Ianto
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee's here!
---
Poor Rhys. He's been such a good sport about things.
Tosh
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
You've no idea how much I'm hoping. Had to wear my bleedin' white pants today didn't I?
Owen.
********************
To: Maj Gen Arthur Hallow
From: Col James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Torchwood Investigation Update
---
Sir,
Finally been given entrance to Torchwood. Definitely hiding something. Did you see the report from The Courier regarding the strange occurrences in the last 48 hours? A.R.S.E didn't mention any reports of this level of disturbance. Who the hell is in charge of them at the moment? I think we may have to re-evaluate that scenario.
I will email any further updates as they happen.
Regards,
James
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Jack, I believe I expressed my concerns last night. Perhaps she can be an... outside agent, meaning she never has to enter the Hub and only has to do minor surveillance jobs without ever actually being properly inducted into Torchwood life. I mean, it took a cup of coffee, saving you from a Weevil, hunting Myfanwy and a lot of flirting before you accepted me.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Um Ianto, since when did the Colonel have a sex change? She was a HE last night....
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Sorry, sir. Tosh dropped a pen and was bending over to pick it up while I was writing that. In case you haven't noticed she's wearing her low cut top today.
Ianto
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Ianto,
Re Tosh - and how long did it take you to notice that today?
Oh dear! You're a bit slow today I gather?
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Oh Owen, it sounds to me like....oh, never mind!
If you are not feeling well, by all means please go home.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
I always take note of what people are wearing, Jack. Everyone is dressed rather nicely today for the Colonel. Even Owen. It's simply that when Tosh picked up that pen... Well. I guess sometimes I forget how well... proportioned she is.
Ianto
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Special Project
---
Toshiko,
I mentioned to Ianto before that I thought it would be an exceptionally good idea if you put your excellent hacking skills to good use.
Would you like to have a little play on The Courier mainframe? I'm thinking perhaps screw with their system enough to put them out of action for say, a week? Sound like fun?
Of course, please do not let the Colonel see what is going on.
Jack.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Tsk tsk Ianto.....
Let's just say, Toshiko's proportions never escape my attention.
Have you had your eyes tested lately?
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
You can hardly blame me, Sir. She usually doesn't wear outfits that compliment her figure in that regard, so it can be rather easy to forget and be distracted by Gwen who does wear complimentary outfits. I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from.
Ianto
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
I'd love to hack into them. This should be fun! Don't worry - the colonel won't have any idea what I'm up to.
Tosh
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
No sir! I got us into this mess, I going to help us get through it. Besides all there is for me at home is a copy of 'Knockers and Knobs' and a tub of hand lotion.
Owen.
********************
To: Torchwood All
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Well after some feedback, I must say I like the idea of using this young lady as an outside agent and would endeavour to keep her out of the Hub completely. I'm sure there are plenty of errands we could send her on around Cardiff.
And if worse comes to worse, we can always retcon her at the end of the week if anything goes awry.
Does everyone agree?
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
I think that sounds like a good plan, Jack. It will keep her out of our hair.
Tosh
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Coffee
---
Rhys has been very understanding and I'm lucky to have him. Although I think he's up to something, when I got home last night there were bits of paper all over the place and he seemed quite cagey about what he'd been up to... and then of course he sidetracked me with the whole '2 bloody days Gwen, where the fuck have you been?' spiel and it was guns blazing from then on!
Gwen
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: UNIT
---
Mr Jones, I'm starting to think you spend your entire day ogling your fellow team mates bodies (perhaps including Owen's? scary thought).
Oh, who am I kidding, of course that is what you do all day, right?
It's always the quiet ones!
Jack.
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
I'm pleased with your enthusiasm Tosh. Go for it!
Keep me abreast of the situation though.
Thanks.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
That sounds like the perfect solution Jack, I could always introduce her to Andy and get him to show her around a bit too.
Gwen
********************
To: Toshiko Sato
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
PS - I've been meaning to mention to you, you look very nice today Tosh. Very. Nice.
Keep up the good work!
********************
To: Gwen Cooper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
That is an excellent idea Gwen, and I'm sure Andy would love to do that.
I'm going to email Ms West shortly about it.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
That depends. Is she hot?
Owen.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Sounds fine to me, Sir. Also, I just had a phone call from Cardiff Castle. Apparently they have 'ghosts that aren't ghosts'. I know we are busy, but perhaps one of us should go take a look.
Ianto
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Toshiko Sato
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Special Project
---
Why, Jack, how nice of you to notice! I thought that I should put on a good impression for the Colonel.
Tosh
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: State of Affairs
---
Oh if you insist Owen. But try to ensure that you don't leave your run too late to the toilet, if you are feeling that unwell. I don't want any embarrassing accidents occurring during the Colonel's visit.
Jack.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Gwen Cooper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
OK then, let me know when she's due to arrive and I'll call Andy.
Just letting you know as well, as soon as this UNIT bloke is taken care of I have to go - Rhys needs more placating, he nearly didn't let me come in today, I had to make some very serious promises before he untied me let me leave the flat.
Gwen
********************
To: Owen Harper
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
As they say Owen "get back in your box"!
And she is way too young for you to be having those thoughts. Get your mind out of the gutter for a change Harper!
Jack.
********************
To: Ianto Jones
From: Jack Harkness
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Cardiff Castle
---
That's all we need Ianto. We don't have enough people to spread around today, and Owen isn't feeling well, so I wouldn't suggest letting him leave the Hub.
Perhaps send Gwen out. Tosh is on that "special project" for me, and I need you to keep an eye look after the Colonel.
Where is the Colonel at the moment? I haven't spied him since he arrived.
Jack.
********************
To: Captain Jack Harkness
From: Colonel James Hassel
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Does anyone in Torchwood actually own a watch?
---
Captain,
Once again I seem to be left languishing in the tourist bureau. While I admit your postcard collection could be classified as mildly exciting, I would prefer to get a move along.
Any chance of gracing me with your presence?
Colonel Hassel
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Owen Harper
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: Re: Work Experience
---
Coming from you Jack? I'm shocked!
Owen.
********************
To: Jack Harkness
From: Ianto Jones
Date: 07 July 2008
Subject: The Colonel
---
I left him with a nice pile of paperwork to fill out regarding confidential material and having to legalise his visit and all that. Admittedly I made most of it up last night while you were asleep to keep him sidetracked, but it means I have to spend less time dealing with him. I'm not very fond of UNIT. I guess it comes from my experiences with them at Torchwood One.
Ianto
********************
Forward to Part 2b