Nothing Else To Lose (But You) 9/?
Title: There`s Nothing Else To Lose (But You)
Author: ClariesR4ever
Pairing: Gabe Saporta/William Beckett
Rating: Teen, Mature
POV: Will`s Pov
Summary: Cobra Starship was getting bigger and brighter each way. But of course, fame had a price. Each of the Cobras lost a bit of their true selves. However that all changed the night when Gabe meet William, an abused sexually emotionally and physically intern aka slave for one of the bands on tour. Through these diary pages, is the year-long adventure of Gabe and William.
Warnings: mentions of abused, neglected, singing, lovesick boys! Oh and Fuel For Ramon bands
Disclaimer: This is another sort-of-filler chapter (again). I want Chapter 10 to really be one of the big climax chapters in my story, so sorry if this chapter is sucky. =(
Also, Will`s thoughts are mixed up in this chapter. I did this to show that he`s struggling with his thoughts, feelings, emotions, and doing the right thing (for himself, for once).
I begin my ballad accross the piano, both black and white keys in play.
The notes crisp through the cold night.
Cover up with make up in the mirror
I look down, remembering the make up I used to cover my scar this morning.
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: http://community.livejournal.com/theacademyslash/254353.html
Song of the Chapter~'Face Down' ~The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOqua-Cny4g
Will`s Pov
August 28th
Master told me not escape from the room.
Master told me to stay away from the handle of the door.
Like a snake, I was to back away.
But did I listen?
No. I didn`t listen.
So, instead of staying like a good puppy and staying locked in the dark, dusty, messy back room...
I was out on the dimly light stage.
I knew I had to go soon, but...I was free.
Free of no control over my life, even if it was for a few hours.
Gently stroking the black and white keys, I felt a bubble of...happiness?
I was still, confused with this feeling.
Lately, when hanging with Vicky and Gabe, I felt it. It was a wonderful feeling.
But it only happened when I was with them.
Well, that and playing my guitar.
But this feeling was new when I was alone.
I stroked the white keys, pressing down softly.
The note rang clear.
"Dow" the note sang with the key.
"Ray"
"Me"
"FaFaFa" I said as I hit the note three times, testing my voice.
"So-So" I sing.
The notes have been tested, and they had passed.
Like a child who had recieved 100% on a test.
Did I just rhyme?
Gosh.
Bracing my fingers again on the keys, I played a simple melody before I began the notes to my song.
Imange the guitar ring, the chords singing.
The drum that had began to fit along.
Hey girl you know you drive me crazy
Boy, I thought. Gabe was the one who drove me crazy.
one look puts the rhythm in my hand
That was not my orginial line. Gabe had whispered it in my ear, one night while we were watching the night sky.
You could barely see any of the black silk that was above, but we still stayed all night.
Right until the sun peaked its way onto Mother Earth.
Still I'll never understand
I sang, now in 3rd person.
I was singing my tale, but not as I.
why you hang around
"Why William, why do you hang around?" I asked myself.
The black bruise that covered my wrist.
Still in pain.
I see what's going down
"Why does no one save him?" I whisper.
I begin my ballad accross the piano, both black and white keys in play.
The notes crisp through the cold night.
Cover up with make up in the mirror
I look down, remembering the make up I used to cover my scar this morning.
In fact, Gabe had commented on my little stash of make-up.
"William, why do you have that cover up?" Gabe had asked timidly.
"What cover-up, Gabey?" I answered.
"That" Gabe pointed his finger at Will`s bag. "That on the top of your bag."
"Oh! Um..."
"Willy, are you ok?"
"I-I-I`m"
"Willy. What did he do this time?" Gabe said in seriousness.
He knew.
He knew who did the bruises and the scars.
tell yourself it's never gonna
happen again
But it does.
"William, why do you lie to yourself?" I ask again.
you cry alone and then he swears
He swears. On his word.
Yet he breaks his word each time.
"Willy, I just wanted to tell you I-" Gabe said, hugging me closer as we sit on his couch in the Cobra bus.
he loves you
"-Love you."
Why do I stay?
Why can`t I run away?
Gabe. Gabe promised he`ll care for me.
Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
"Her? Oh you mean that`s a boy?!" I question myself.
All my life, I have been mistaken for a girl.
A women.
"Miss, can I ask you how to get to Silver Lake Road?" a man with a fannypack asks. By his side, a lady stands, hair dyed blonde.
Tourists.
"T-Turn Left til T-Trinity, then f-follow that to H-Hall S-S-Street for t-two m-miles. You`ll see the b-big s-s-sign." I answer, my man voice showing through my words.
"Oh-you`re a boy." the man says, shocked.
"Y-Yes?"
"Nevermind. Thanks." the man sneers.
Do you feel better now
I know that I don`t.
I`m the one who suffers.
as she falls to the ground?
I sing, my hands no longer playing, just grasping the edges of the board.
There turning white.
Well I'll tell you my friend,
"Tell? Who can I tell? No one cares..." I say to myself.
one day this world's going to end
"And Gabe will throw a party, because it`s the end of the world" I said outloud.
"Gabe, why on earth would you throw a party?" I ask.
"Dear Will, I will throw a party because the very next day we`ll all be dust"
"So we celebrate our last day?"
"Our last day? Are we now officially a 'our'?" he askes.
I smirk. "I guess if you WANT"
His eyes twinkle.
"See, you`re catching on, love." he simply answers back, kissing my nose.
as your lies crumble down
A brick wall crumbling, surrendering.
Master says I should surrender.
Surrender and this heck will be over.
Gabe always tells me not to.
a new life she has found
"Gabe did offer for me to stay."
And he had. The tour was ending tommorrow night, with one final party before everyone headed out.
Ryan to Nevada with his roommate and bandmate, Brendon.
Whom I learned was the singer of the band 'Panic At The Disco', the band Ryan interned for.
I should say, now was part of.
Since one of their guitarists quit, and Ryan quickly stepped up.
Good for Ryan. He deserved better.
Gabe to New Jersey.
Vicky to New York.
They were both in the band 'Cobra Starship'.
I learned that a few days ago.
I would go with my master back to his home in New York.
Where I would...
"William, why has your black eye returned?" Gabe askes.
I look down, ashmad.
"Will...why are you afraid?"
"I`m scared. Gabe, he`ll hurt me. He`ll hurt me when we apart, and you won`t be there to comfort me."
"Come live with me, dear."
"Gabe, I-I-I can`t."
"Why?"
He never understood how scared I was.
"Master-"
"Will, just forget about your master. Please?"
But he dealt with me.
"C-Can, Can I?"
"Of course! Will, live with me forever!"
"C`mon, say it aloud!" I scream.
A pebble in the water
That would be a simple wrong action.
Like forgetting to wash my plate.
"William. Why. Is. There. A. Plate. Unwashed?"
Or not 'performing' well enough for my master.
makes a ripple effect
There.
I had said it aloud.
Admitted it to myself.
"Will, what happened to your face?" Ryan asks, blinking his eyes as he blinks the sleep away.
I had snuck into Ryan`s little car.
It was unlocked.
"I`m s-s-sorry I distrubed you," I mumbled. "I-I-"
Afterall, it had been 1 am.
"Will, you didn`t distrub me. What`s wrong?" he asked.
"I was just wondering, if I could sleep here for the night." I whisper.
Ryan looked around, his face in a frown.
He didn`t have any room for me.
I understood. He was trying how to break this gently to me.
every action in this world
"Will-"
"It`s ok. You don`t have any room, I understand. I`ll..."
"William."
"Yes?" I montone. I already knew the answer. A big fat..
"Stay."
"Stay?"
will bear a consequence
I stayed with Ryan. I didn`t want to overstay my welcome, so I left early.
Leaving only a note sloppy written in my pile of blankets.
"Should I go with Gabe?" I asked myself.
If you wade around forever
you will surely drown
"I can`t just be this. I will not be this for the rest of my life." I agrue.
I see what's going down.
"But I just can`t leave."
"Wilvy, you can be something more." Sisky says as he hugs me.
It was one of those lazy days.
A day where Sisky dragged me away from my bus.
"Sisky, I can`t. I can`t just go."
I see the way you go and
"Bill, you have to. Otherwise you`ll never break away."
say your right again
"Bill-please take a chance." Sisky begs.
"Just take a chance. Just take a chance with something so precious, like my life?" I scream.
heed my lecture
"Hey baby." Vicky says, as she swings her arm around my shoulder.
"Hey Momma." I grin.
Do you feel like a man
"So, where are you going for the break?" she asks, batting her eyelashes.
"Home with master."
when you push her around?
"Did Ryan offer you to come to Nevada with him?" she asks.
Do you feel better now
"Yes. But-"
"Did I offer you a place to stay?"
as she falls to the ground?
"Yes, you did. Vick-"
Well I'll tell you my friend,
"Did Gabe?" she intruppts.
one day this world's going to end
"Yes. Vicky, I can`t."
"Becks. What does your heart say?"
as your lies crumble down
"My heart is torn between staying in my routine that I have now. And taking a chance and going with Gabe."
a new life she has found.
"I want to go with Gabe. I know I`ll be safe."
"But?" she knows was the end of my sentence.
"One day she will tell you that she has had enough, its coming round again!" I scream into the cold air.
"I don`t want to be killed. I don`t want to die." I say, tears in my eyes.
Face down in the dirt she said
"Becks, you don`t have to. I promise, everyone on the label loves you. They`ll protect you."
"Can you promise that?"
"Can you promise? Can you keep me safe?" I say to the air.
this doesn't hurt she said
"I-I have to think. Please?"
"I finally had enough." I yell.
"Please, Will, please say yes." she begs.
Face down in the dirt she said,
"Should I take this chance?" I say again. A whisper in the night.
this doesn't hurt she said
"Yes. I`ll go with Gabe."
I finally had enough.