FIC: Paved With Hearts (CWRPS AU, Jared/Jensen, PG-13, 2/5)
Previous Part
Every morning Jared still asked Uncle Jeff what he could do to help him, he just couldn't help it, and every evening he still worried that what he'd done wasn't enough, especially not compared to how hard Jeff worked out in his workshop.
No one asked him to, but one afternoon after he finished weeding in the garden he decided to haul in some deadwood from the brush nearby. Jeff was going to need it for the winter; he might as well collect some of it now. Between that and the garden he ended up filthy from head to toe, not to mention scratched up around the arms and ankles, but when he was done he actually felt satisfied.
"Sit down, Jared," said Jeff when he emerged from the shower, wet hair dripping on his clean clothes. "I think we need to talk."
Jared nodded and sat down on the edge of one of the wooden chairs. "Is this the kind of talk that I'm going to have to go pack after?" he said, sadly but without any judgment.
These couple of weeks had given Jared enough insight into Jeff's expressions that he could read this one as profoundly sad. Even sadder than Jared felt.
"Just the opposite, really," he said, motioning Jared closer, onto the padded armchair across from him. "Look, I don't know where the hell you've been staying that you think you need to be constantly working to earn your right to stay here, but it's not like that. You're a kid, and a kid should have a home, no conditions attached."
"So you... don't want me to help out?"
"Don't get me wrong, I think all kids should have some sense of responsibility, and God knows that garden's already started to flourish in your hands. But even if you did nothing but sit up in your room all day, you'd still have a home here. I'm not going to send you away, Jared."
"I... don't know what to say," said Jared, which frankly was a rarity for him.
"You shouldn't have to say anything," said Jeff. "You should be able to expect this, and I'm pretty fucking appalled that you can't. Sam's going to get a real piece of my mind next time I talk to her."
"Don't be too hard on her," insisted Jared. "Aunt Sam did the best she could."
"No, she didn't," said Jeff, but he clammed up after that, maybe figuring that Jared wasn't really ready to hear it. Sam always made sure he was okay. It was more than a lot of people had. "You're my sister's kid. You deserved better."
"Will you tell me about her?" said Jared. "About my mom? Sam never does."
"Maybe another time," said Jeff shortly. It was pretty clear Jared wasn't getting anything more on that subject either. At least, not right now. "And you know if you didn't want to stay up here, I'd help you be some place you wanted to be. You know that, right?"
"Are you kidding?" said Jared. "Now that I know this place I don't think I ever want to be anywhere else."
"It can be lonely, for a boy your age. Just because the solitude's right for me, doesn't mean it's right for you."
"I'm not lonely," said Jared. "I've got Bisou and Sadie and you and Chad. I can't ask for anything more than that."
"Can't, or won't?"
Jared finally broke out in a brilliant smile. "I already live in the most beautiful place in the whole world," he said. "I never want to be anywhere but here. Besides, Mr. and Mrs. Collins have invited us up to their house for a cookout. You too, Chad says so. I'm not lonely at all."
"Well, all right then," said Jeff, showing Jared one of his increasingly less rare smiles. "You'll always have a home here, Jared. You're family."
"Do you mean that?" said Jared. "Because I still have a year of school to finish. That's a long time."
"A year is not a long time," said Jeff, "and believe me when I say I want to wring the neck of whoever put the idea in your head that it was. I don't know much about the local school anymore but I'll talk to Mrs. Murray the next time she comes around. Maybe I'll corner her at the Collins' cookout."
"I don't know what to say," said Jared, bouncing a little in his seat.
"You don't have to say anything," said Jeff. "Go on and relax before dinner, all right? I just need to go put my tools away."
"I could start din--"
"Relax, Jared," he said. "Prove to me you can do it. I'll feel a lot better if you do, all right?"
"Well, I'll give it a shot," he said, giving Jeff a grin. A relaxed grin. Maybe even a grin that said he understood and accepted what Jeff was telling him, hard as it was for him to believe. "Maybe I'll check my email. I don't think I've done that in days."
"That's the spirit," said Jeff, getting up from his seat and genuinely looking like a load had been taken off his shoulders. Usually, when Jared was staying with someone, they were relieved when they realised he wasn't going to take up too much of their time or attention. Jeff seemed a lot happier knowing that he was. What Jeff seemed to really want was for Jared to just be a teenager.
With Chad's help, Jared thought maybe he just could be.
:::
"Looks like it's going to be a hot one," said Jeff, looking up at the sky as he took his coffee off the back porch. "You and Chad going to the lake?"
"Nah," said Jared, though they'd been going up there at some point nearly every day they weren't too busy. "He's got something with his family today." Besides, hot up on the mountain wasn't really the same as hot in other places. Jared figured he would actually be pretty comfortable. "I was thinking... do you need some help in the workshop today? I mean, I don't even really know what you do."
"Don't you?" said Jeff, then paused to consider it for a moment. "Well, you'd better come into the workshop then. It's easier to demonstrate than to explain."
"I mean, I know you make things," said Jared, "and I know that you sell them in town--"
"I don't really sell them in town," Jeff cut in. "A few smaller pieces here and there to the tourists in the summertime, sure, but I sell most of my furniture over the internet. I just ship it from town."
Jared had sort of pieced that together, too, just from watching Jeff at work on the computer in the early morning and the late evening, and sometimes a few minutes after lunch when Jared was tidying up.
"Except technically you don't ship it," said Jared. "Chad does. Well, his family does."
"That's just semantics," said Jeff. "We do fair trade over it, Jared."
"Yeah, but...." started Jared, then wondered if he really wanted to say what he was thinking of saying. "You were worried about me getting lonely. But don't you?"
"How could I possibly be lonely with you around, Jared?" he said, opening the door to his workshop wide to let Jared in. It really was kind of amazing, the scope of it all, all the benches and tools and half-finished pieces of furniture. Jared thought of Santa's workshop when he saw it, though he wasn't sure Jeff would appreciate the comparison.
"But I wasn't always here," he said. "I've only been here a few weeks."
Jeff sighed and shooed Bisou out the door before closing it behind them. "I might've grown up around here with your mom and your aunt, but I had a lot of choices in my life," he said. "I went away to school for a couple of years. I could've stayed away if I wanted to, and made a different kind of life for myself somewhere else. But I like it up here and I like what I do and I like the solitude. It suits me. I've got my dogs and I've got my friends - yes, I've got friends, Jared - and I've got a job that I love doing. I have a lot more than most people do."
"Sorry," said Jared, "I didn't mean to--"
"You didn't offend me," said Jeff. "I'm used to people from outside not understanding. But you're one of us now, Jared. There are all kinds of people who chose to live up here on the mountain and they're all peculiar in their own ways. People around here get used to that."
"I like it," said Jared. "That's why I like being here. I mean, that's one of the reasons."
"So do you really want to see what I do?" said Jeff. "You'll have to promise me you'll be careful. There are some tools around here that'd take your arm off if you let them."
Jared involuntarily pressed his arms closer to his sides as Jeff turned up the back lights and illuminated the rest of the room. "Well, come on," he said, motioning Jared closer. "I'm not going to bring them to you."
Jared had been impressed enough with the dresser that Jeff had whipped up for his bedroom in just a day, and then the other bits and pieces that he'd brought up since, the chest, the chairs, the window seat, but his actual work, the work he spent time and effort on, was nothing short of amazing.
"Jeez," he said, "no wonder you can make a living doing this."
"Always was good with my hands," he said, patting the top of a bookshelf he was working on. "That's why university never sat right with me. The whole time I was there I was thinking about coming back here."
"What's that like?" Jared asked him, daring to touch one of the pieces only after Jeff did.
"What, university? There are a whole lot of movies out there that can give you a better idea than I ever could."
"No, I mean going away and having some place to come back to," said Jared. "What's that like?" He could see Jeff's fist ball up at his side and opened his mouth to take it back, but Jeff stopped him with a shake of his head.
"I'm not mad at you Jared," he said. "I'm mad that... that there were things I could've done but I was just too damn stubborn." He looked like he was going to say more, but then he just pressed his lips together and went back to running his hand over the piece of furniture. "This one's almost done."
Jared nodded, accepting that once again the conversation was going to veer away from the things that made them both the most uncomfortable, and the things that Jared most wanted to know.
"If it for somebody?"
"They're all for somebody," he said. "When I was starting out I made the pieces first and sold them after, but now I just do commissions. Well, plus smaller things for Mrs. Murray's shop in town, of course."
"Have you ever been to her shop?"
"Course I have," said Jeff, giving Jared a smile. A small, tense smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I was there just a few days before you arrived, helping her get ready for the season."
"Well, I didn't know," said Jared, smiling back. "You haven't gone into town once since I got here."
"Haven't needed to," said Jeff, popping the top off a can with a screwdriver and reaching for a rag. "Is that your way of asking if we can go?"
"No!" said Jared quickly. "I mean, if I wanted to go, I know I could ask." Though until now he wasn't sure what the answer would have been. "But if I really want to go, I could just go with Chad, right?"
"Yeah," said Jeff. "You should do that one day, Jared. They've got a little movie theatre in town that runs in the summer, some diners, some places to go shop for some new things. You're probably missing all of that stuff. You should've said something."
"I'm not missing it," insisted Jared. "I love it right where I am, Jeff. I'm not missing anything. But if Chad asked me, I'd probably want to go. I mean, if he asked me, I wouldn't want to say no."
"You don't have to explain, Jared," said Jeff. "I know what it's like to have friends. So do you really want to help me stain this, or would you rather just watch? It's all done by hand."
"Aren't you worried I'll ruin it?"
"No," said Jeff confidently. "It's not scrollwork, it's just a little stain. You'll be fine."
"I don't even know what scrollwork is," said Jared, picking up a clean rag and watching Jeff closely. This wasn't like picking up a few chores around the house, things anyone could have done. This kind of work was Jeff inviting Jared into his world.
"And no reason for you to, unless you're interested in picking up woodworking," said Jeff. "Like this, smooth and even. We're picking up the wood grain, not masking it."
"I seriously have no idea what I’m doing," Jared warned him again, but Jeff made it look easy. Jared's parts weren't quite as perfect - there was one patch that just didn't look even no matter what he did - but it wasn't too hard to get the hang of it. Jeff didn't seem concerned about Jared's mistakes at all, though, even though they made the piece imperfect. "You're not selling this one, are you?"
Jeff looked faintly guilty, even as another smile crept onto his face. "Busted," he said, then just carried on with the work, making sure no spot was unfinished. It was sort of soothing, once Jared got into the groove of it. An old radio was playing so quietly in the background that occasionally Jared could hear birdsong over it, and even when they weren't talking, which was most of the time, he could just feel that Jeff was there with him. It was nice.
"So where's this going to end up?" he said when they were done, looking at his stain-covered fingertips and then at the bookshelf. Even though he hadn't contributed much, he did still feel the tiniest bit of pride in it.
"Your room," said Jeff. "What do you think?"
"What, for me?" said Jared. "Uncle Jeff, you didn't have to spend all this time on something for me. You could've just given me a couple of old milk crates and I'd be fine."
"Well, first of all, I don't have any milk crates kicking around," said Jeff, "and secondly, Jared, you should have some things that aren't just making do. How's anything ever going to feel like home if you can fit it all in a couple of duffel bags?"
Jared stared at the bookshelf a little longer. "I don't have much to put on it," he admitted. "But I've got a few things."
"Well, we can do something about that too," said Jeff. "Maybe we should take a trip into town. You're outgrowing all your clothes and you're probably tired of my books. Come on, we need to let that one sit for a while before we can take it inside."
"You really do want me to stay, don't you?" said Jared.
"There was never a test you needed to pass, Jared," said Jeff, "but if it makes you feel any more confident about it, I like having you here. You're good company. And I think Chad would cut my nuts off in my sleep if I ever let you go, so there's that, too."
Jared barked out a laugh, then wiped his hands on his rag one more time. "All right," he said. "So what are we working on next?"
:::
"Here," said Jeff, pulling a nylon sack out of the corner of the porch, where it had been hidden behind a sledgehammer and a rubber mat. "It's not big, but it ought to do you unless you grew another inch or two when I wasn't looking."
"Maybe only half an inch," said Jared with a guilty glance at where the cuffs of his jeans were threatening to ride up on his ankles again. He'd just gotten them when he and Chad had gone into town, but apparently he was growing faster than his wardrobe could keep up with. Jeff looked where he was looking and sighed. "Sorry?"
"Well, it can wait," said Jeff. "You'll still fit in the tent. Sleeping bag might be a little snug, though."
"I'm sure it'll be fine," said Jared. "Chad said we probably wouldn't even need it."
"Yes, well Chad has never been a role model for outdoor preparedness," said Jeff. "You can sleep under the stars if you like, but come two in the morning you'll be glad for something soft to sleep on, and if it rains you'll be doubly glad for shelter. You taking the girls with you?"
"I think they'll come whether they're invited or not," admitted Jared as they heard a holler from around the other side of the house. "I think Chad's here."
"You think?" said Jeff, grinning at him. "Make sure you've got your phone, but don't call me if you've forgotten food. I'm not making a midnight pizza run into the woods."
"Do you even know how to make a pizza?"
"I have many talents you have yet to discover, young man," said Jeff. "Go on before Chad gets it in his head to holler again. Have a good time, Jared. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."
"As if I'd ever forget to bring food anyway," said Jared, lashing the tent and sleeping bag to the backpack that Jeff had already dug up for him and waving as he headed out the door. The dogs raced up to meet him as soon as he was outside. "Hey Bisou, hey Sadie. Hey Chad."
"Yeah, I love how I'm last," said Chad. "See if I share my smores with you now."
"That would be more of a threat if I wasn't bigger than you, and if I didn't know you've already learned not to keep food from me," said Jared, bumping Chad with his backpack as they started towards the path. When Jared looked back over his shoulder, he saw Jeff watching them from the side of the porch, his arms cross and, Jared thought, a smile on his face.
"So what did you bring, then?" said Chad. "Sadie, damn it, my socks are not for chewing."
"Maybe if you were moving faster she couldn't get a hold," said Jared, bumping him again as they walked. "I grabbed some hot dogs, and I'm pretty sure Jeff put some other stuff in there too when I wasn't looking."
"Jesus," said Chad, suddenly and very obviously looking Jared up and down. "Did you get taller?"
"A little?" said Jared. "I don't know, Jeff just keeps feeding me and I keep getting bigger. I think he thought I was too scrawny when I arrived."
"Little Orphan Jared," Chad teased him. And if it was close to the truth, it was only because they'd become close enough to talk about that kind of thing, as much as two guys ever talked about anything. "Well, you're not scrawny now."
"I'm still a little scrawny," said Jared, "but a couple months up on a mountain aren't going to be enough to fix that, I don't think."
"Yeah, but maybe a couple of years will," said Chad. "Are you going to work with Jeff, do you think? When you're done school?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done school," said Jared. "I guess I never really thought about it. I've always just been waiting to turn eighteen so I could decide where I wanted to be for myself."
"But you never thought about where that was?" said Chad. "I see a flaw in your plan, Jared."
"Shut up," said Jared, knocking him again. "Okay, I thought about it. I thought about staying in New York when I was there. Or Texas. I liked Texas all right. Montreal was pretty, but I wouldn't want to live there. And the Prairies were really cold in the winter. I just never really figured out what was right for me."
"I think that's normal," said Chad. "Even if you don't move around everywhere all the time. You really did live all over, huh?"
"Sometimes with Aunt Sam, wherever she had a contract. And sometimes with other families when I couldn't stay with her." Jared knew it wasn't entirely normal, but it was normal for him. "I wanted to go with her when she was working in Italy, but she found a home for me instead."
"Italy would've been cool," agreed Chad. "They've got all that old stuff, and wine."
"That's what you think of when you think of Italy? Old stuff and wine?"
"Isn't that what everyone thinks of?" said Chad. "And that city with the canals that people pee in."
"You're such a romantic," said Jared, but Chad just laughed as they made their way up the path to their favourite meadow, the one with Chad's diving rock. Sadie blazed the trail ahead of them, veering off into the tall grasses, but Bisou lingered by Jared's ankles, like she didn't want him to feel alone.
"You're not going to set up the tent, right?" said Chad. "That'd defeat the whole purpose. When the moon and the stars come out over the lake, it's amazing."
Okay, maybe Jared was going to have to take back the sarcasm about being a romantic. If a moon and stars over a lake weren't romantic, he didn't know what was. At least, according to what all the books said; it was something Jared didn't have a lot of experience with for himself.
"Do you sleep out here a lot?" he said, unhooking his backpack and setting it down on the ground. It was heavier than he was used to hauling around, even for the short trip out to the lake. He was going to have to practice if they ever wanted to go out any further.
"Sometimes," said Chad. "I've got a big family, you know? Sometimes, even up here, I have to get away."
"You ever brought anyone with you before?"
"For overnight?" he said. "Who would I even bring? My sister? No, it's just you and me, Jared. Never really had anyone to show it to before."
It was kind of weird, to put it that way, but it was kind of nice, too. Jared had never been the one that things were meant for, not really; maybe that's why everything in the world always seemed so shiny and new.
"We need to go for a swim before it gets dark anyway," said Chad, even though it wasn't going to get dark for hours. "And eat."
"In that order," said Jared, stripping down without any of the hesitation he once had. This was their place, and Jared knew he finally had something special in his life.
They did sleep outside under the stars, Jared gazing a long time at the way the lights in the sky reflected off the still water.
And in the morning Jared was up with the sun, even though Chad was still snoring faintly beside him. It wasn't the breaking light that woke him, though, or the birdsong coming from all sides. It was just something about being here, and about not wanting to miss a single moment of it he didn't have to.
Jared didn't want to miss a single moment of life if he didn't have to. Not here, not now.
:::
"Here," said Jeff one afternoon after he came in from his workshop, setting down a few papers in front of Jared. "Meant to give these to you this morning."
"What are they?" said Jared, wiping off his hands on a clean towel before touching them. Lunch was cleaned up, but Jared wasn't.
"You need to fill them out for school," said Jeff. "You didn't think you were going to get away with not going to school this year, did you?"
Jared couldn't help but grin at them. "You think I'd want to get out of going to school?" he said. "I love school."
"What self-respecting teenage boy loves school?" said Jeff, but when Jared snuck a glance at him, Jeff was smiling too. "Sam didn't give me any of your records. We're going to have to order them up from the last school you were at."
"Yeah, I keep pretty good track of that," said Jared. "I can take care of it."
"Just tell me where to get it and I'll make sure it's done," said Jeff. "It's about time you had a responsible adult in your life to do that kind of thing."
"Sam used to do it, honest," said Jared. "You could probably email her and ask for the stuff if you wanted."
"Yeah, I think I'd rather contact the school," said Jeff. "They can just forward them on without involving a middleman." It was when he sat down at the table with a cold glass of water that Jared realised he was sticking around for a bit, not heading right back out to work. "You heard from her lately?"
"Aunt Sam?" said Jared. "Not at all. But that's not weird or anything. Since I turned twelve or so she doesn't check in that much. She knows I can take care of myself."
"You know that's not the point, right?"
"It's the point to her," said Jared. "I know you don't think she did right by me, but it's okay. I turned out all right, you know? Lots of kids don't have homes at all."
It was still the thing he always told himself, when it was hard to look on the sunny side. Maybe things weren't easy all the time, but they weren't so bad. There was really only one thing missing from his life, and Jared always worked hard to fill the hole that not having a family left in him.
"I didn't know," said Jeff, but Jared knew he was talking to himself. He'd heard it before, seen the set of his jaw and his hands. He knew what guilt looked like. "But we'll get you all set up here before you know it. I'm sure Chad can show you the ropes."
"Yeah, he's sort of mentioned it," admitted Jared. "Chad's not really that into school, but he said it was going to be cool to have a friend he wasn't related to. I didn't tell him that I wasn't really registered yet."
"Well, you will be soon enough," said Jeff. "People can say what they like about me but they won't say I didn't do right by my nephew. Not anymore."
"Uncle Jeff... it's okay," said Jared. "You never had any reason to wonder. You barely even talked to Aunt Sam before she brought me up here."
"Well, and whose choice was that?" he said. "I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry, Jared. Having a life up here might not have been the life you always dreamed about, but it would've been something."
Actually, it might've been the life Jared dreamed of, if he had dreamed of a particular life at all. It was the life Jared dreamed of if one considered the fact that the life he dreamed of was just a life where he was wanted and loved.
Maybe he didn't say it, maybe neither of them did, but Jeff loved him. He loved him like family. And finally, after all these weeks in his home, Jared knew it.
"I'll get these filled out before dinner, I promise," said Jared, wiping his hands again. "As much as I can, anyway. And I'll get you the stuff about my old school. Is the school far from here?"
"In town," said Jeff. "Do you drive?"
"Legally?"
Jeff almost broke into another smile at that, Jared could tell. "Legally would be preferable," he said. "For my own peace of mind, anyway. No one's really going to stop you up here."
"Licenses cost money," says Jared with a little shrug. "I lived on a farm for a while a couple of years ago, though, so I learned. If there's an emergency or anything."
"Well, obviously Chad drives," said Jeff, "and we can do something about your license. There'll be a lot of days in the winter when driving won't be advisable, though. Do you know how to ski? Snowshoe?"
Jared gaped at him. "You're kidding, right?"
"Not kidding at all. It's actually a pretty quick trip when there's snow on the ground. Down, anyway. You might prefer it to the drive."
It was hard to imagine that he would, but then Jared had taken to everything else up here, so why not that, too? He bet winter would be just as beautiful as summer, snow and ice and all.
"Thanks, Jeff," he said. "I'm gonna call Chad now, I think."
"You do that," said Jeff, getting up from the table again. "I've got some things I need to finish. I'll see you for dinner, Jared."
"Don't forget I'm cooking tonight," said Jared, but Jeff was already heading out the back door, and Jared already had his phone out anyway. He couldn't wait to tell Chad.
:::
Aunt Sam called on a Tuesday, from Vancouver International, sounding as harried as she always seemed to.
"So I'm going to spend the night in the city and then come up and get you tomorrow," she said, as Jared heard a flight announced in the background. "That'll still give you a few days to settle in."
"Come get me for what?" he said. "I thought you were still in London."
"Didn't you get my email?" she said. "I sent it a few days ago."
"No, you didn't," said Jared. "I didn't get anything at all from you, not all summer."
"You must have," she insisted, but it wouldn’t be the first time she'd forgotten he wasn't at some old address, in some old city at some old school.
"I didn't get anything," he said, a little quieter this time. He hadn't really been expecting to, either, and maybe that should have made him sadder than it did.
"Well, it doesn't matter, I've found you someone to stay with for the winter, Jared." Her voice got muffled for a moment, something covering the receiver, then she came back again. He could hear the faint sound of a cash registered behind her. "I've already ordered your records sent to your new school."
"Wait," he said. "But I've already got a school."
"What, up on the mountain?" she scoffed. "What is it, half a dozen students and a teacher who knows a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing?" Jared didn't think there was anything wrong with that, even if it had been. "This is a private school, Jared, but don't worry, the family I'm placing you with has covered your tuition."
"Why?" he said. "What do I have to do for it?"
"Nothing you wouldn't already do anyway," she said. Jared's words caught in his throat for a moment, wondering what the hell she meant by that, before he found it in himself to ask.
"What kinds of things, Aunt Sam?" he said. "You didn't have to do that. I'm fine here with Uncle Jeff."
"Nonsense," she said. "You don't have to put up with that place, Jared. I'm sure a summer was quite enough." Here on the mountain, though, Jared wasn't sure forever would have been enough. "Look, they've got a son at home. All you've got to do is spend some time with him."
"What, like babysitting?"
"No, no, nothing like that," said Sam. "He's twenty-one."
"Special needs?" said Jared. "I guess... I could do that."
"He's not special needs, Jared, he just works from home."
"Then I don't understand," said Jared. Unless she was pimping him out, but even if Aunt Sam hadn't always been everything he wanted in a guardian, he was pretty sure she wouldn't do that.
"I'm sure you'll get on with him just fine, Jared," she said. "He just needs a friend. Now how long do you think it'll take you to pack? Can you be ready by the time I get there?"
"I... can we talk about this?" said Jared. "I need to talk to Uncle Jeff about it."
"Of course you do," she said. "Save me the trouble of calling him myself. It's hard to believe he used to be such a friendly young man. Time's changed him, that's for sure."
Jared thought that time had changed his Aunt Sam a lot more than it had changed his Uncle Jeff, when you got beneath the surface.
"Call me before you come, all right?" said Jared. "Just... call before you come up here."
"Whatever you need, Jared," she said. "I've got to go, a cab's just arrived."
Jared was in the middle of saying good-bye when the line went dead and his aunt was gone again.
:::
Jared thought about not saying anything, but not saying anything about these things didn't make them go away, no matter how much you wished it would.
"Aunt Sam called," he said as he served up the soup and bread. "This afternoon."
"Oh yeah?" said Jeff, feigning disinterest. "And how's London?"
"She's back, actually," said Jared, licking a spatter of soup off his thumb before sitting down. "In Vancouver. She called me from the airport."
Jeff set his spoon down in his bowl very carefully and wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin before saying anything more. "Oh," he said finally. "And what did she have to say?"
Jared sighed. "She wants to come get me, Uncle Jeff," he said. "She says she found a place for me in the city."
"Well," said Jeff without looking at him. "I guess that's that, then."
"Yeah," said Jared slowly, waiting for something, anything, other than that. "I told her she had to call. That she couldn't just show up."
"Yeah, well, your Aunt Sam has a mind of her own," said Jeff with an undignified snort. "I wouldn't count on her doing something just because you asked her to. But I guess you already know that."
"Yeah, I guess I already do," said Jared. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Uncle Jeff."
"Well, I guess that's up to you," he said. "Sam seems to have this all planned out for you."
"I don't think it's up to me," said Jared quietly, for once with not much of an appetite. "It's never really been up to me."
"No, I know," said Jeff. "And if it was up to you?"
"You know I don't want to go anywhere," said Jared. "You know that, don't you?"
"I know you've had a good time this summer," said Jeff. "I know what I'd do if it was my choice."
"Couldn't it be?" said Jared hopefully. "Couldn't it be your choice? I mean, I live here, right? That's got to mean something?"
"I'll try, Jared," he said. "If that's what you really want."
"Thank you," said Jared. "It is."
But they both knew, as they silently dug into their soup, that the choice might well be out of both of their hands. And Jared hadn't come this far in life just to run away now, when he was just a year away from freedom. Besides, where would he run to where she couldn't find him, when the only place he wanted to be was here?
They didn't talk about it after that, but Jared thought about it all day. It was just a year, right? Just a year, he could do that. He could do that even easier than he did everything else, because he knew he had a place to come back to now. He wasn't going somewhere new with no idea what was going to come next. He had a home.
He would've tried to tell Jeff that, but Jeff had disappeared into his workshop, and Jared knew better than to interrupt that, not today.
Just a year. And Jared, with his many years of experience with Aunt Sam, could even see her point of view. She wanted Jared to have a future that didn't have him relying on her for anything. This school, she thought, could make that happen. Jared might have known better, known himself better, but that didn't mean it was necessarily a bad idea. It was just an idea that was wrong for him.
He would miss the mountain, and Jeff and Chad and Chad's family, and Mrs. Collins and her awesome, ridiculous hat collection, and singing off-key folk songs with Sera, and just everyone, but it was just a year. Just one year of school. Jared could do that.
:::
Telling Jeff had been hard, but telling Chad wasn't any easier. Jeff was at least an adult who knew Aunt Sam, who knew just what she was capable of. All Chad knew were the promises Jared had made him.
"But why do you have to go?" said Chad. "I thought you were staying with Jeff now. I thought you were living here."
"Yeah, me too," said Jared. "But Aunt Sam got me into this school and... I don't feel like I can say no to it, you know? It's just for the year. It's not even a real year, it's a school year. That's two months less than a full year."
"I was looking forward to going to school with you, you know," said Chad, kicking the grass. "I've never had a best friend at school before. Town kids are different."
"Yeah, me too," said Jared. "I won't know anybody in the city. I don't even know the people I'm supposed to be staying with."
"Then just stay here," said Chad. "You can decide that, can't you?"
"Not really," said Jared. "Not till I'm eighteen, and that's not till I finish this year of school. But I swear, the day after I graduate I'll be on my way back up here."
"Yeah, well what if you find something else?" said Chad. "You'll probably go to university and never come back up here again."
"Shut up," said Jared, giving him a shove. "You know I'm coming back. You're my best friend. Even if I'm only living here for the summer, it's still my home. I don't want to go, Chad. I just have to."
"I know," he muttered. "But I don't have to like it."
"Yeah, me neither," said Jared. "But I'll email all the time. You have email right?"
"Of course I have email," said Chad. "And IM. And a phone."
"Well, we've never had to use them before!" said Jared. Well, except for the phone, but even that was rare. "Vancouver's not that far away. Maybe I can even come back for Christmas, too." He wasn't going to count on it, but maybe.
"You'd better get me a present anyway," said Chad, "to make up for being a city boy loser."
"You'd better send me something to remind me of home," said Jared, a little more soberly. "I don't know how I'm going to stand being away for so long now that I've got one."
"Oh Jesus, don't you dare cry," said Chad. "If you cry then I'm going to cry and then we'll just be a couple of crying pussies."
"I'm not crying," muttered Jared, but he didn't bother to pretend he wasn't scrubbing a couple of tears away. "Shut up. I've done this dozens of times before."
"Yeah, well maybe that's why it sucks more," said Chad. "I've never lived anywhere but here."
"Moving around's definitely overrated," said Jared. "I've gotta... you've gotta get home for dinner. You're already late."
"Mom won't care when I tell her why," said Chad. "You let me know when you're going, all right? None of this creeping off in the middle of the night. You're going to say good-bye to me like a man."
"Tomorrow, Chad," said Jared. "She's coming for me tomorrow. So you have to come here, first thing. Unless I'm, like, kidnapped from my bed, I'll make sure we get to say good-bye."
"Okay," said Chad, and Jared could see his own struggle not to admit how hard this was going to be. "All right. You'd better. See you later, Jared."
"See you later, Chad," said Jared, and waved at Chad as he went, even though Chad didn't dare to look back once he was on his way. Jared probably wouldn't have either.
:::
She arrived at lunchtime, a couple of hours after Chad had finished helping Jared pack. It took more than one bag this time, but there were still things Jared decided not to bring with him. Things that Jeff had given him that Jared wanted to remain safe her in his home. Things that would remind Jeff that this was Jared's room now, that it was Jared's room even when he wasn't in it.
"I'm not going to cry in front of your aunt and uncle, so I'm going to go now," said Chad, pulling Jared into a rough hug. "If you don't stay in touch I'm going to drive down to Vancouver and kick your ass."
"No you won't," said Jared fondly, but he hugged him back anyway, and he didn't call him back when Chad snuck out the back door. Any good-bye other than that would've just been too hard.
"Jared, your aunt's here," said Jeff, sounding about as cold as Jared had ever heard him. "You should come downstairs now."
Jared came, hauling his bags with him, but hung back as Jeff opened the door.
"Sam," he said, blocking the doorway with his body. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Relax, Jeff, I've come to take him off your hands," said Sam, looking past him. "Jared, are you ready to go?"
"What if I don't want him taken off my hands?" Jeff interrupted her. "He's a teenager, Sam, not a burden to be passed around."
She looked like she wanted to laugh in his face. "This from you," she said, "who's shirked his family responsibilities all his life because of some ridiculous misplaced guilt."
Even from behind him, Jared could see Jeff's whole body tense up. "Damn it, Sam, you never gave me the chance. You never even told me. If he was that much of a burden you should have brought him here years ago. I would have brought him up like family."
"Sure you would have," said Sam. "You would've turned him into someone just like you. Jared, I left the car running, honey. Get your things."
"Are you really going to do this, Sam? Are you really going to just take him?"
"I don't see how you have any say in the matter, Jeff," she said. "I'm the one who found a home for him. I'm the one who saw to his education."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," said Jeff. "You just left him with me. Doesn't that make me his de facto guardian?"
"Not on paper," said Sam, "and if you love the boy like you're implying you do, you wouldn't stand in the way of his education. It's a prestigious school, Jeff, and there's no way he'd be able to go to it any other way."
"Does he even want to go, Sam? Did you even ask him?"
"I think I know what's best for him after all these years. Years, I might add, when you didn't have a thing to do with him. One year at this school and he'll have all the choices he could ever want."
"Well, if he goes, he goes, and there's not much I can do about it, is there?" muttered Jeff. "You've got it all planned out already."
"And it's a good thing one of us does," said Sam curtly. "Jared, are you ready to go?"
"No," he said quietly, too quietly for either of them to hear him. But then he never was going to be, so if he had to do this, now was as good a time as any.
Like everything else in his life, Jared would go and he would do as he was told and he would make the best of whatever the situation was.
"Well, go then," said Jeff, moving away from the door. "You don't want to be on those roads after dark."
"I'm sorry," said Jared as Sam grabbed hold of his arm and practically pulled him through to the other side, like an unwanted but nevertheless fought-over prize. "I'm coming back!"
But Jeff was already looking away.
Next Part | Master Post
Every morning Jared still asked Uncle Jeff what he could do to help him, he just couldn't help it, and every evening he still worried that what he'd done wasn't enough, especially not compared to how hard Jeff worked out in his workshop.
No one asked him to, but one afternoon after he finished weeding in the garden he decided to haul in some deadwood from the brush nearby. Jeff was going to need it for the winter; he might as well collect some of it now. Between that and the garden he ended up filthy from head to toe, not to mention scratched up around the arms and ankles, but when he was done he actually felt satisfied.
"Sit down, Jared," said Jeff when he emerged from the shower, wet hair dripping on his clean clothes. "I think we need to talk."
Jared nodded and sat down on the edge of one of the wooden chairs. "Is this the kind of talk that I'm going to have to go pack after?" he said, sadly but without any judgment.
These couple of weeks had given Jared enough insight into Jeff's expressions that he could read this one as profoundly sad. Even sadder than Jared felt.
"Just the opposite, really," he said, motioning Jared closer, onto the padded armchair across from him. "Look, I don't know where the hell you've been staying that you think you need to be constantly working to earn your right to stay here, but it's not like that. You're a kid, and a kid should have a home, no conditions attached."
"So you... don't want me to help out?"
"Don't get me wrong, I think all kids should have some sense of responsibility, and God knows that garden's already started to flourish in your hands. But even if you did nothing but sit up in your room all day, you'd still have a home here. I'm not going to send you away, Jared."
"I... don't know what to say," said Jared, which frankly was a rarity for him.
"You shouldn't have to say anything," said Jeff. "You should be able to expect this, and I'm pretty fucking appalled that you can't. Sam's going to get a real piece of my mind next time I talk to her."
"Don't be too hard on her," insisted Jared. "Aunt Sam did the best she could."
"No, she didn't," said Jeff, but he clammed up after that, maybe figuring that Jared wasn't really ready to hear it. Sam always made sure he was okay. It was more than a lot of people had. "You're my sister's kid. You deserved better."
"Will you tell me about her?" said Jared. "About my mom? Sam never does."
"Maybe another time," said Jeff shortly. It was pretty clear Jared wasn't getting anything more on that subject either. At least, not right now. "And you know if you didn't want to stay up here, I'd help you be some place you wanted to be. You know that, right?"
"Are you kidding?" said Jared. "Now that I know this place I don't think I ever want to be anywhere else."
"It can be lonely, for a boy your age. Just because the solitude's right for me, doesn't mean it's right for you."
"I'm not lonely," said Jared. "I've got Bisou and Sadie and you and Chad. I can't ask for anything more than that."
"Can't, or won't?"
Jared finally broke out in a brilliant smile. "I already live in the most beautiful place in the whole world," he said. "I never want to be anywhere but here. Besides, Mr. and Mrs. Collins have invited us up to their house for a cookout. You too, Chad says so. I'm not lonely at all."
"Well, all right then," said Jeff, showing Jared one of his increasingly less rare smiles. "You'll always have a home here, Jared. You're family."
"Do you mean that?" said Jared. "Because I still have a year of school to finish. That's a long time."
"A year is not a long time," said Jeff, "and believe me when I say I want to wring the neck of whoever put the idea in your head that it was. I don't know much about the local school anymore but I'll talk to Mrs. Murray the next time she comes around. Maybe I'll corner her at the Collins' cookout."
"I don't know what to say," said Jared, bouncing a little in his seat.
"You don't have to say anything," said Jeff. "Go on and relax before dinner, all right? I just need to go put my tools away."
"I could start din--"
"Relax, Jared," he said. "Prove to me you can do it. I'll feel a lot better if you do, all right?"
"Well, I'll give it a shot," he said, giving Jeff a grin. A relaxed grin. Maybe even a grin that said he understood and accepted what Jeff was telling him, hard as it was for him to believe. "Maybe I'll check my email. I don't think I've done that in days."
"That's the spirit," said Jeff, getting up from his seat and genuinely looking like a load had been taken off his shoulders. Usually, when Jared was staying with someone, they were relieved when they realised he wasn't going to take up too much of their time or attention. Jeff seemed a lot happier knowing that he was. What Jeff seemed to really want was for Jared to just be a teenager.
With Chad's help, Jared thought maybe he just could be.
:::
"Looks like it's going to be a hot one," said Jeff, looking up at the sky as he took his coffee off the back porch. "You and Chad going to the lake?"
"Nah," said Jared, though they'd been going up there at some point nearly every day they weren't too busy. "He's got something with his family today." Besides, hot up on the mountain wasn't really the same as hot in other places. Jared figured he would actually be pretty comfortable. "I was thinking... do you need some help in the workshop today? I mean, I don't even really know what you do."
"Don't you?" said Jeff, then paused to consider it for a moment. "Well, you'd better come into the workshop then. It's easier to demonstrate than to explain."
"I mean, I know you make things," said Jared, "and I know that you sell them in town--"
"I don't really sell them in town," Jeff cut in. "A few smaller pieces here and there to the tourists in the summertime, sure, but I sell most of my furniture over the internet. I just ship it from town."
Jared had sort of pieced that together, too, just from watching Jeff at work on the computer in the early morning and the late evening, and sometimes a few minutes after lunch when Jared was tidying up.
"Except technically you don't ship it," said Jared. "Chad does. Well, his family does."
"That's just semantics," said Jeff. "We do fair trade over it, Jared."
"Yeah, but...." started Jared, then wondered if he really wanted to say what he was thinking of saying. "You were worried about me getting lonely. But don't you?"
"How could I possibly be lonely with you around, Jared?" he said, opening the door to his workshop wide to let Jared in. It really was kind of amazing, the scope of it all, all the benches and tools and half-finished pieces of furniture. Jared thought of Santa's workshop when he saw it, though he wasn't sure Jeff would appreciate the comparison.
"But I wasn't always here," he said. "I've only been here a few weeks."
Jeff sighed and shooed Bisou out the door before closing it behind them. "I might've grown up around here with your mom and your aunt, but I had a lot of choices in my life," he said. "I went away to school for a couple of years. I could've stayed away if I wanted to, and made a different kind of life for myself somewhere else. But I like it up here and I like what I do and I like the solitude. It suits me. I've got my dogs and I've got my friends - yes, I've got friends, Jared - and I've got a job that I love doing. I have a lot more than most people do."
"Sorry," said Jared, "I didn't mean to--"
"You didn't offend me," said Jeff. "I'm used to people from outside not understanding. But you're one of us now, Jared. There are all kinds of people who chose to live up here on the mountain and they're all peculiar in their own ways. People around here get used to that."
"I like it," said Jared. "That's why I like being here. I mean, that's one of the reasons."
"So do you really want to see what I do?" said Jeff. "You'll have to promise me you'll be careful. There are some tools around here that'd take your arm off if you let them."
Jared involuntarily pressed his arms closer to his sides as Jeff turned up the back lights and illuminated the rest of the room. "Well, come on," he said, motioning Jared closer. "I'm not going to bring them to you."
Jared had been impressed enough with the dresser that Jeff had whipped up for his bedroom in just a day, and then the other bits and pieces that he'd brought up since, the chest, the chairs, the window seat, but his actual work, the work he spent time and effort on, was nothing short of amazing.
"Jeez," he said, "no wonder you can make a living doing this."
"Always was good with my hands," he said, patting the top of a bookshelf he was working on. "That's why university never sat right with me. The whole time I was there I was thinking about coming back here."
"What's that like?" Jared asked him, daring to touch one of the pieces only after Jeff did.
"What, university? There are a whole lot of movies out there that can give you a better idea than I ever could."
"No, I mean going away and having some place to come back to," said Jared. "What's that like?" He could see Jeff's fist ball up at his side and opened his mouth to take it back, but Jeff stopped him with a shake of his head.
"I'm not mad at you Jared," he said. "I'm mad that... that there were things I could've done but I was just too damn stubborn." He looked like he was going to say more, but then he just pressed his lips together and went back to running his hand over the piece of furniture. "This one's almost done."
Jared nodded, accepting that once again the conversation was going to veer away from the things that made them both the most uncomfortable, and the things that Jared most wanted to know.
"If it for somebody?"
"They're all for somebody," he said. "When I was starting out I made the pieces first and sold them after, but now I just do commissions. Well, plus smaller things for Mrs. Murray's shop in town, of course."
"Have you ever been to her shop?"
"Course I have," said Jeff, giving Jared a smile. A small, tense smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I was there just a few days before you arrived, helping her get ready for the season."
"Well, I didn't know," said Jared, smiling back. "You haven't gone into town once since I got here."
"Haven't needed to," said Jeff, popping the top off a can with a screwdriver and reaching for a rag. "Is that your way of asking if we can go?"
"No!" said Jared quickly. "I mean, if I wanted to go, I know I could ask." Though until now he wasn't sure what the answer would have been. "But if I really want to go, I could just go with Chad, right?"
"Yeah," said Jeff. "You should do that one day, Jared. They've got a little movie theatre in town that runs in the summer, some diners, some places to go shop for some new things. You're probably missing all of that stuff. You should've said something."
"I'm not missing it," insisted Jared. "I love it right where I am, Jeff. I'm not missing anything. But if Chad asked me, I'd probably want to go. I mean, if he asked me, I wouldn't want to say no."
"You don't have to explain, Jared," said Jeff. "I know what it's like to have friends. So do you really want to help me stain this, or would you rather just watch? It's all done by hand."
"Aren't you worried I'll ruin it?"
"No," said Jeff confidently. "It's not scrollwork, it's just a little stain. You'll be fine."
"I don't even know what scrollwork is," said Jared, picking up a clean rag and watching Jeff closely. This wasn't like picking up a few chores around the house, things anyone could have done. This kind of work was Jeff inviting Jared into his world.
"And no reason for you to, unless you're interested in picking up woodworking," said Jeff. "Like this, smooth and even. We're picking up the wood grain, not masking it."
"I seriously have no idea what I’m doing," Jared warned him again, but Jeff made it look easy. Jared's parts weren't quite as perfect - there was one patch that just didn't look even no matter what he did - but it wasn't too hard to get the hang of it. Jeff didn't seem concerned about Jared's mistakes at all, though, even though they made the piece imperfect. "You're not selling this one, are you?"
Jeff looked faintly guilty, even as another smile crept onto his face. "Busted," he said, then just carried on with the work, making sure no spot was unfinished. It was sort of soothing, once Jared got into the groove of it. An old radio was playing so quietly in the background that occasionally Jared could hear birdsong over it, and even when they weren't talking, which was most of the time, he could just feel that Jeff was there with him. It was nice.
"So where's this going to end up?" he said when they were done, looking at his stain-covered fingertips and then at the bookshelf. Even though he hadn't contributed much, he did still feel the tiniest bit of pride in it.
"Your room," said Jeff. "What do you think?"
"What, for me?" said Jared. "Uncle Jeff, you didn't have to spend all this time on something for me. You could've just given me a couple of old milk crates and I'd be fine."
"Well, first of all, I don't have any milk crates kicking around," said Jeff, "and secondly, Jared, you should have some things that aren't just making do. How's anything ever going to feel like home if you can fit it all in a couple of duffel bags?"
Jared stared at the bookshelf a little longer. "I don't have much to put on it," he admitted. "But I've got a few things."
"Well, we can do something about that too," said Jeff. "Maybe we should take a trip into town. You're outgrowing all your clothes and you're probably tired of my books. Come on, we need to let that one sit for a while before we can take it inside."
"You really do want me to stay, don't you?" said Jared.
"There was never a test you needed to pass, Jared," said Jeff, "but if it makes you feel any more confident about it, I like having you here. You're good company. And I think Chad would cut my nuts off in my sleep if I ever let you go, so there's that, too."
Jared barked out a laugh, then wiped his hands on his rag one more time. "All right," he said. "So what are we working on next?"
:::
"Here," said Jeff, pulling a nylon sack out of the corner of the porch, where it had been hidden behind a sledgehammer and a rubber mat. "It's not big, but it ought to do you unless you grew another inch or two when I wasn't looking."
"Maybe only half an inch," said Jared with a guilty glance at where the cuffs of his jeans were threatening to ride up on his ankles again. He'd just gotten them when he and Chad had gone into town, but apparently he was growing faster than his wardrobe could keep up with. Jeff looked where he was looking and sighed. "Sorry?"
"Well, it can wait," said Jeff. "You'll still fit in the tent. Sleeping bag might be a little snug, though."
"I'm sure it'll be fine," said Jared. "Chad said we probably wouldn't even need it."
"Yes, well Chad has never been a role model for outdoor preparedness," said Jeff. "You can sleep under the stars if you like, but come two in the morning you'll be glad for something soft to sleep on, and if it rains you'll be doubly glad for shelter. You taking the girls with you?"
"I think they'll come whether they're invited or not," admitted Jared as they heard a holler from around the other side of the house. "I think Chad's here."
"You think?" said Jeff, grinning at him. "Make sure you've got your phone, but don't call me if you've forgotten food. I'm not making a midnight pizza run into the woods."
"Do you even know how to make a pizza?"
"I have many talents you have yet to discover, young man," said Jeff. "Go on before Chad gets it in his head to holler again. Have a good time, Jared. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."
"As if I'd ever forget to bring food anyway," said Jared, lashing the tent and sleeping bag to the backpack that Jeff had already dug up for him and waving as he headed out the door. The dogs raced up to meet him as soon as he was outside. "Hey Bisou, hey Sadie. Hey Chad."
"Yeah, I love how I'm last," said Chad. "See if I share my smores with you now."
"That would be more of a threat if I wasn't bigger than you, and if I didn't know you've already learned not to keep food from me," said Jared, bumping Chad with his backpack as they started towards the path. When Jared looked back over his shoulder, he saw Jeff watching them from the side of the porch, his arms cross and, Jared thought, a smile on his face.
"So what did you bring, then?" said Chad. "Sadie, damn it, my socks are not for chewing."
"Maybe if you were moving faster she couldn't get a hold," said Jared, bumping him again as they walked. "I grabbed some hot dogs, and I'm pretty sure Jeff put some other stuff in there too when I wasn't looking."
"Jesus," said Chad, suddenly and very obviously looking Jared up and down. "Did you get taller?"
"A little?" said Jared. "I don't know, Jeff just keeps feeding me and I keep getting bigger. I think he thought I was too scrawny when I arrived."
"Little Orphan Jared," Chad teased him. And if it was close to the truth, it was only because they'd become close enough to talk about that kind of thing, as much as two guys ever talked about anything. "Well, you're not scrawny now."
"I'm still a little scrawny," said Jared, "but a couple months up on a mountain aren't going to be enough to fix that, I don't think."
"Yeah, but maybe a couple of years will," said Chad. "Are you going to work with Jeff, do you think? When you're done school?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done school," said Jared. "I guess I never really thought about it. I've always just been waiting to turn eighteen so I could decide where I wanted to be for myself."
"But you never thought about where that was?" said Chad. "I see a flaw in your plan, Jared."
"Shut up," said Jared, knocking him again. "Okay, I thought about it. I thought about staying in New York when I was there. Or Texas. I liked Texas all right. Montreal was pretty, but I wouldn't want to live there. And the Prairies were really cold in the winter. I just never really figured out what was right for me."
"I think that's normal," said Chad. "Even if you don't move around everywhere all the time. You really did live all over, huh?"
"Sometimes with Aunt Sam, wherever she had a contract. And sometimes with other families when I couldn't stay with her." Jared knew it wasn't entirely normal, but it was normal for him. "I wanted to go with her when she was working in Italy, but she found a home for me instead."
"Italy would've been cool," agreed Chad. "They've got all that old stuff, and wine."
"That's what you think of when you think of Italy? Old stuff and wine?"
"Isn't that what everyone thinks of?" said Chad. "And that city with the canals that people pee in."
"You're such a romantic," said Jared, but Chad just laughed as they made their way up the path to their favourite meadow, the one with Chad's diving rock. Sadie blazed the trail ahead of them, veering off into the tall grasses, but Bisou lingered by Jared's ankles, like she didn't want him to feel alone.
"You're not going to set up the tent, right?" said Chad. "That'd defeat the whole purpose. When the moon and the stars come out over the lake, it's amazing."
Okay, maybe Jared was going to have to take back the sarcasm about being a romantic. If a moon and stars over a lake weren't romantic, he didn't know what was. At least, according to what all the books said; it was something Jared didn't have a lot of experience with for himself.
"Do you sleep out here a lot?" he said, unhooking his backpack and setting it down on the ground. It was heavier than he was used to hauling around, even for the short trip out to the lake. He was going to have to practice if they ever wanted to go out any further.
"Sometimes," said Chad. "I've got a big family, you know? Sometimes, even up here, I have to get away."
"You ever brought anyone with you before?"
"For overnight?" he said. "Who would I even bring? My sister? No, it's just you and me, Jared. Never really had anyone to show it to before."
It was kind of weird, to put it that way, but it was kind of nice, too. Jared had never been the one that things were meant for, not really; maybe that's why everything in the world always seemed so shiny and new.
"We need to go for a swim before it gets dark anyway," said Chad, even though it wasn't going to get dark for hours. "And eat."
"In that order," said Jared, stripping down without any of the hesitation he once had. This was their place, and Jared knew he finally had something special in his life.
They did sleep outside under the stars, Jared gazing a long time at the way the lights in the sky reflected off the still water.
And in the morning Jared was up with the sun, even though Chad was still snoring faintly beside him. It wasn't the breaking light that woke him, though, or the birdsong coming from all sides. It was just something about being here, and about not wanting to miss a single moment of it he didn't have to.
Jared didn't want to miss a single moment of life if he didn't have to. Not here, not now.
:::
"Here," said Jeff one afternoon after he came in from his workshop, setting down a few papers in front of Jared. "Meant to give these to you this morning."
"What are they?" said Jared, wiping off his hands on a clean towel before touching them. Lunch was cleaned up, but Jared wasn't.
"You need to fill them out for school," said Jeff. "You didn't think you were going to get away with not going to school this year, did you?"
Jared couldn't help but grin at them. "You think I'd want to get out of going to school?" he said. "I love school."
"What self-respecting teenage boy loves school?" said Jeff, but when Jared snuck a glance at him, Jeff was smiling too. "Sam didn't give me any of your records. We're going to have to order them up from the last school you were at."
"Yeah, I keep pretty good track of that," said Jared. "I can take care of it."
"Just tell me where to get it and I'll make sure it's done," said Jeff. "It's about time you had a responsible adult in your life to do that kind of thing."
"Sam used to do it, honest," said Jared. "You could probably email her and ask for the stuff if you wanted."
"Yeah, I think I'd rather contact the school," said Jeff. "They can just forward them on without involving a middleman." It was when he sat down at the table with a cold glass of water that Jared realised he was sticking around for a bit, not heading right back out to work. "You heard from her lately?"
"Aunt Sam?" said Jared. "Not at all. But that's not weird or anything. Since I turned twelve or so she doesn't check in that much. She knows I can take care of myself."
"You know that's not the point, right?"
"It's the point to her," said Jared. "I know you don't think she did right by me, but it's okay. I turned out all right, you know? Lots of kids don't have homes at all."
It was still the thing he always told himself, when it was hard to look on the sunny side. Maybe things weren't easy all the time, but they weren't so bad. There was really only one thing missing from his life, and Jared always worked hard to fill the hole that not having a family left in him.
"I didn't know," said Jeff, but Jared knew he was talking to himself. He'd heard it before, seen the set of his jaw and his hands. He knew what guilt looked like. "But we'll get you all set up here before you know it. I'm sure Chad can show you the ropes."
"Yeah, he's sort of mentioned it," admitted Jared. "Chad's not really that into school, but he said it was going to be cool to have a friend he wasn't related to. I didn't tell him that I wasn't really registered yet."
"Well, you will be soon enough," said Jeff. "People can say what they like about me but they won't say I didn't do right by my nephew. Not anymore."
"Uncle Jeff... it's okay," said Jared. "You never had any reason to wonder. You barely even talked to Aunt Sam before she brought me up here."
"Well, and whose choice was that?" he said. "I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry, Jared. Having a life up here might not have been the life you always dreamed about, but it would've been something."
Actually, it might've been the life Jared dreamed of, if he had dreamed of a particular life at all. It was the life Jared dreamed of if one considered the fact that the life he dreamed of was just a life where he was wanted and loved.
Maybe he didn't say it, maybe neither of them did, but Jeff loved him. He loved him like family. And finally, after all these weeks in his home, Jared knew it.
"I'll get these filled out before dinner, I promise," said Jared, wiping his hands again. "As much as I can, anyway. And I'll get you the stuff about my old school. Is the school far from here?"
"In town," said Jeff. "Do you drive?"
"Legally?"
Jeff almost broke into another smile at that, Jared could tell. "Legally would be preferable," he said. "For my own peace of mind, anyway. No one's really going to stop you up here."
"Licenses cost money," says Jared with a little shrug. "I lived on a farm for a while a couple of years ago, though, so I learned. If there's an emergency or anything."
"Well, obviously Chad drives," said Jeff, "and we can do something about your license. There'll be a lot of days in the winter when driving won't be advisable, though. Do you know how to ski? Snowshoe?"
Jared gaped at him. "You're kidding, right?"
"Not kidding at all. It's actually a pretty quick trip when there's snow on the ground. Down, anyway. You might prefer it to the drive."
It was hard to imagine that he would, but then Jared had taken to everything else up here, so why not that, too? He bet winter would be just as beautiful as summer, snow and ice and all.
"Thanks, Jeff," he said. "I'm gonna call Chad now, I think."
"You do that," said Jeff, getting up from the table again. "I've got some things I need to finish. I'll see you for dinner, Jared."
"Don't forget I'm cooking tonight," said Jared, but Jeff was already heading out the back door, and Jared already had his phone out anyway. He couldn't wait to tell Chad.
:::
Aunt Sam called on a Tuesday, from Vancouver International, sounding as harried as she always seemed to.
"So I'm going to spend the night in the city and then come up and get you tomorrow," she said, as Jared heard a flight announced in the background. "That'll still give you a few days to settle in."
"Come get me for what?" he said. "I thought you were still in London."
"Didn't you get my email?" she said. "I sent it a few days ago."
"No, you didn't," said Jared. "I didn't get anything at all from you, not all summer."
"You must have," she insisted, but it wouldn’t be the first time she'd forgotten he wasn't at some old address, in some old city at some old school.
"I didn't get anything," he said, a little quieter this time. He hadn't really been expecting to, either, and maybe that should have made him sadder than it did.
"Well, it doesn't matter, I've found you someone to stay with for the winter, Jared." Her voice got muffled for a moment, something covering the receiver, then she came back again. He could hear the faint sound of a cash registered behind her. "I've already ordered your records sent to your new school."
"Wait," he said. "But I've already got a school."
"What, up on the mountain?" she scoffed. "What is it, half a dozen students and a teacher who knows a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing?" Jared didn't think there was anything wrong with that, even if it had been. "This is a private school, Jared, but don't worry, the family I'm placing you with has covered your tuition."
"Why?" he said. "What do I have to do for it?"
"Nothing you wouldn't already do anyway," she said. Jared's words caught in his throat for a moment, wondering what the hell she meant by that, before he found it in himself to ask.
"What kinds of things, Aunt Sam?" he said. "You didn't have to do that. I'm fine here with Uncle Jeff."
"Nonsense," she said. "You don't have to put up with that place, Jared. I'm sure a summer was quite enough." Here on the mountain, though, Jared wasn't sure forever would have been enough. "Look, they've got a son at home. All you've got to do is spend some time with him."
"What, like babysitting?"
"No, no, nothing like that," said Sam. "He's twenty-one."
"Special needs?" said Jared. "I guess... I could do that."
"He's not special needs, Jared, he just works from home."
"Then I don't understand," said Jared. Unless she was pimping him out, but even if Aunt Sam hadn't always been everything he wanted in a guardian, he was pretty sure she wouldn't do that.
"I'm sure you'll get on with him just fine, Jared," she said. "He just needs a friend. Now how long do you think it'll take you to pack? Can you be ready by the time I get there?"
"I... can we talk about this?" said Jared. "I need to talk to Uncle Jeff about it."
"Of course you do," she said. "Save me the trouble of calling him myself. It's hard to believe he used to be such a friendly young man. Time's changed him, that's for sure."
Jared thought that time had changed his Aunt Sam a lot more than it had changed his Uncle Jeff, when you got beneath the surface.
"Call me before you come, all right?" said Jared. "Just... call before you come up here."
"Whatever you need, Jared," she said. "I've got to go, a cab's just arrived."
Jared was in the middle of saying good-bye when the line went dead and his aunt was gone again.
:::
Jared thought about not saying anything, but not saying anything about these things didn't make them go away, no matter how much you wished it would.
"Aunt Sam called," he said as he served up the soup and bread. "This afternoon."
"Oh yeah?" said Jeff, feigning disinterest. "And how's London?"
"She's back, actually," said Jared, licking a spatter of soup off his thumb before sitting down. "In Vancouver. She called me from the airport."
Jeff set his spoon down in his bowl very carefully and wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin before saying anything more. "Oh," he said finally. "And what did she have to say?"
Jared sighed. "She wants to come get me, Uncle Jeff," he said. "She says she found a place for me in the city."
"Well," said Jeff without looking at him. "I guess that's that, then."
"Yeah," said Jared slowly, waiting for something, anything, other than that. "I told her she had to call. That she couldn't just show up."
"Yeah, well, your Aunt Sam has a mind of her own," said Jeff with an undignified snort. "I wouldn't count on her doing something just because you asked her to. But I guess you already know that."
"Yeah, I guess I already do," said Jared. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Uncle Jeff."
"Well, I guess that's up to you," he said. "Sam seems to have this all planned out for you."
"I don't think it's up to me," said Jared quietly, for once with not much of an appetite. "It's never really been up to me."
"No, I know," said Jeff. "And if it was up to you?"
"You know I don't want to go anywhere," said Jared. "You know that, don't you?"
"I know you've had a good time this summer," said Jeff. "I know what I'd do if it was my choice."
"Couldn't it be?" said Jared hopefully. "Couldn't it be your choice? I mean, I live here, right? That's got to mean something?"
"I'll try, Jared," he said. "If that's what you really want."
"Thank you," said Jared. "It is."
But they both knew, as they silently dug into their soup, that the choice might well be out of both of their hands. And Jared hadn't come this far in life just to run away now, when he was just a year away from freedom. Besides, where would he run to where she couldn't find him, when the only place he wanted to be was here?
They didn't talk about it after that, but Jared thought about it all day. It was just a year, right? Just a year, he could do that. He could do that even easier than he did everything else, because he knew he had a place to come back to now. He wasn't going somewhere new with no idea what was going to come next. He had a home.
He would've tried to tell Jeff that, but Jeff had disappeared into his workshop, and Jared knew better than to interrupt that, not today.
Just a year. And Jared, with his many years of experience with Aunt Sam, could even see her point of view. She wanted Jared to have a future that didn't have him relying on her for anything. This school, she thought, could make that happen. Jared might have known better, known himself better, but that didn't mean it was necessarily a bad idea. It was just an idea that was wrong for him.
He would miss the mountain, and Jeff and Chad and Chad's family, and Mrs. Collins and her awesome, ridiculous hat collection, and singing off-key folk songs with Sera, and just everyone, but it was just a year. Just one year of school. Jared could do that.
:::
Telling Jeff had been hard, but telling Chad wasn't any easier. Jeff was at least an adult who knew Aunt Sam, who knew just what she was capable of. All Chad knew were the promises Jared had made him.
"But why do you have to go?" said Chad. "I thought you were staying with Jeff now. I thought you were living here."
"Yeah, me too," said Jared. "But Aunt Sam got me into this school and... I don't feel like I can say no to it, you know? It's just for the year. It's not even a real year, it's a school year. That's two months less than a full year."
"I was looking forward to going to school with you, you know," said Chad, kicking the grass. "I've never had a best friend at school before. Town kids are different."
"Yeah, me too," said Jared. "I won't know anybody in the city. I don't even know the people I'm supposed to be staying with."
"Then just stay here," said Chad. "You can decide that, can't you?"
"Not really," said Jared. "Not till I'm eighteen, and that's not till I finish this year of school. But I swear, the day after I graduate I'll be on my way back up here."
"Yeah, well what if you find something else?" said Chad. "You'll probably go to university and never come back up here again."
"Shut up," said Jared, giving him a shove. "You know I'm coming back. You're my best friend. Even if I'm only living here for the summer, it's still my home. I don't want to go, Chad. I just have to."
"I know," he muttered. "But I don't have to like it."
"Yeah, me neither," said Jared. "But I'll email all the time. You have email right?"
"Of course I have email," said Chad. "And IM. And a phone."
"Well, we've never had to use them before!" said Jared. Well, except for the phone, but even that was rare. "Vancouver's not that far away. Maybe I can even come back for Christmas, too." He wasn't going to count on it, but maybe.
"You'd better get me a present anyway," said Chad, "to make up for being a city boy loser."
"You'd better send me something to remind me of home," said Jared, a little more soberly. "I don't know how I'm going to stand being away for so long now that I've got one."
"Oh Jesus, don't you dare cry," said Chad. "If you cry then I'm going to cry and then we'll just be a couple of crying pussies."
"I'm not crying," muttered Jared, but he didn't bother to pretend he wasn't scrubbing a couple of tears away. "Shut up. I've done this dozens of times before."
"Yeah, well maybe that's why it sucks more," said Chad. "I've never lived anywhere but here."
"Moving around's definitely overrated," said Jared. "I've gotta... you've gotta get home for dinner. You're already late."
"Mom won't care when I tell her why," said Chad. "You let me know when you're going, all right? None of this creeping off in the middle of the night. You're going to say good-bye to me like a man."
"Tomorrow, Chad," said Jared. "She's coming for me tomorrow. So you have to come here, first thing. Unless I'm, like, kidnapped from my bed, I'll make sure we get to say good-bye."
"Okay," said Chad, and Jared could see his own struggle not to admit how hard this was going to be. "All right. You'd better. See you later, Jared."
"See you later, Chad," said Jared, and waved at Chad as he went, even though Chad didn't dare to look back once he was on his way. Jared probably wouldn't have either.
:::
She arrived at lunchtime, a couple of hours after Chad had finished helping Jared pack. It took more than one bag this time, but there were still things Jared decided not to bring with him. Things that Jeff had given him that Jared wanted to remain safe her in his home. Things that would remind Jeff that this was Jared's room now, that it was Jared's room even when he wasn't in it.
"I'm not going to cry in front of your aunt and uncle, so I'm going to go now," said Chad, pulling Jared into a rough hug. "If you don't stay in touch I'm going to drive down to Vancouver and kick your ass."
"No you won't," said Jared fondly, but he hugged him back anyway, and he didn't call him back when Chad snuck out the back door. Any good-bye other than that would've just been too hard.
"Jared, your aunt's here," said Jeff, sounding about as cold as Jared had ever heard him. "You should come downstairs now."
Jared came, hauling his bags with him, but hung back as Jeff opened the door.
"Sam," he said, blocking the doorway with his body. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Relax, Jeff, I've come to take him off your hands," said Sam, looking past him. "Jared, are you ready to go?"
"What if I don't want him taken off my hands?" Jeff interrupted her. "He's a teenager, Sam, not a burden to be passed around."
She looked like she wanted to laugh in his face. "This from you," she said, "who's shirked his family responsibilities all his life because of some ridiculous misplaced guilt."
Even from behind him, Jared could see Jeff's whole body tense up. "Damn it, Sam, you never gave me the chance. You never even told me. If he was that much of a burden you should have brought him here years ago. I would have brought him up like family."
"Sure you would have," said Sam. "You would've turned him into someone just like you. Jared, I left the car running, honey. Get your things."
"Are you really going to do this, Sam? Are you really going to just take him?"
"I don't see how you have any say in the matter, Jeff," she said. "I'm the one who found a home for him. I'm the one who saw to his education."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," said Jeff. "You just left him with me. Doesn't that make me his de facto guardian?"
"Not on paper," said Sam, "and if you love the boy like you're implying you do, you wouldn't stand in the way of his education. It's a prestigious school, Jeff, and there's no way he'd be able to go to it any other way."
"Does he even want to go, Sam? Did you even ask him?"
"I think I know what's best for him after all these years. Years, I might add, when you didn't have a thing to do with him. One year at this school and he'll have all the choices he could ever want."
"Well, if he goes, he goes, and there's not much I can do about it, is there?" muttered Jeff. "You've got it all planned out already."
"And it's a good thing one of us does," said Sam curtly. "Jared, are you ready to go?"
"No," he said quietly, too quietly for either of them to hear him. But then he never was going to be, so if he had to do this, now was as good a time as any.
Like everything else in his life, Jared would go and he would do as he was told and he would make the best of whatever the situation was.
"Well, go then," said Jeff, moving away from the door. "You don't want to be on those roads after dark."
"I'm sorry," said Jared as Sam grabbed hold of his arm and practically pulled him through to the other side, like an unwanted but nevertheless fought-over prize. "I'm coming back!"
But Jeff was already looking away.
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