General Disclaimer
Just a warning ... this is crack. And by crack I mean I may have been on the actual substance - I don't remember ever actually doing crack, but surely while this was written, I must have been out of my brains on the stuff. It's the only reasonable explanation.
Not necessary, perhaps, as I tend to disclaim everything as I go, but ... let's just say I'm giving you a little peek into the world that is my mind.
The character formerly known as Hermione Granger appears on the stage, her outfit causing the audience to gasp. Her skirt is short, her top is tight and if we were to push it (as many do) the description of her clothing could go on for six whole paragraphs.
She eyes the audience saucily, running her hand along her exposed midriff in a manner that most certainly does not become a lady. “So,” she begins, “it’s the Summer hols and I was hanging out with my best friends, and by that I mean my real best friends: Gabby, Babby, and Flabby, and they talked me into a makeover. Do I look, like, hot or what? Anyway, looking this good isn’t free, ya' know? So I got a job with this little traveling fandom group and I’m here to tell you something very important. The Author, otherwise known as the evil genius Quick Wit, does not own the Harry Potter universe, the Stargate universe, the Battlestar universe ... blah blah, something like that. Anyway -“
Said evil genius happens to be walking by, grumbling over the nights script and the fact that the guy who was supposed to be her main star, Aiden frakking Ford is hyped up on Wraith juice again, when she is asked by the humming voice of President Laura Roslin, "Do you want me to get my airlock ready?"
Distracted by those frakking awesome legs ... er, that is to say the glorious win-at-life hair ... meaning, um, the hot for teacher glasses ... *gives up* ... distracted by the whole of Roslin it takes a moment for The Author to realize why Madame Prez is eagerly playing with the key to the airlock.
"Merlin's Balls! Who the hell let Hermione-Sue out of her cage?!"
There’s no response, and Hermione-Sue is still speaking, sickening the audience with each hip, new age word that leaves her perfect, red-tinted mouth in a high-pitched giggly voice.
The Author must do something, and quickly. Roslin's airlock holds merit, and it would make the President happy (perhaps enough so that she'll star in something dirty with the Admiral), but there isn't time. The Evil Genius reaches for her phaser ... only to remember she'd not long ago used it to distract Deanna Troi ("Oh, shiny!").
“Super!Harry,” Quick Wit calls and waits until a finely built, six foot four, non-spectacled Harry Potter makes his way to her side, the hair on her legs rising at the feel of the awesome, Dumbledore-like power he radiates.
“You hollered, milady?” he asks, glancing between the evil genius, Roslin's smirk and Hermione-Sue.
“Yes,” Quick Wit responds, glaring at the figure on the stage. “Blast that bitch!”
He bows slightly and draws his wand, “By your command.”
Super!Harry uses his awe-inspiring powers to make himself completely invisible to all bar The Author and then silently makes his way on stage, sneaking up behind Hermione-Sue as she continues to ramble, “- - and then Flabby told Draco that I was totally into him, which I kinda am, but I’m also kinda totally into Ron and Neville and Harry and Seamus, and George, but not Fred, so -“
“Avada Kedavra!” Super!Harry screams and a blast of green light plows into Hermione-Sue's back, so awesomely powerful that it instantly disintegrates her into nothingness.
Super!Harry fades back into view and the audience gasps once more at the sight of him, as he addresses them, “The Author does not own any of the universes in which she dabbles. The Author wishes all to know that she means no infringement and she does not make one measly cent off of her foray into the world of fanfiction. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. We hope you enjoy the show.”
Not necessary, perhaps, as I tend to disclaim everything as I go, but ... let's just say I'm giving you a little peek into the world that is my mind.
The character formerly known as Hermione Granger appears on the stage, her outfit causing the audience to gasp. Her skirt is short, her top is tight and if we were to push it (as many do) the description of her clothing could go on for six whole paragraphs.
She eyes the audience saucily, running her hand along her exposed midriff in a manner that most certainly does not become a lady. “So,” she begins, “it’s the Summer hols and I was hanging out with my best friends, and by that I mean my real best friends: Gabby, Babby, and Flabby, and they talked me into a makeover. Do I look, like, hot or what? Anyway, looking this good isn’t free, ya' know? So I got a job with this little traveling fandom group and I’m here to tell you something very important. The Author, otherwise known as the evil genius Quick Wit, does not own the Harry Potter universe, the Stargate universe, the Battlestar universe ... blah blah, something like that. Anyway -“
Said evil genius happens to be walking by, grumbling over the nights script and the fact that the guy who was supposed to be her main star, Aiden frakking Ford is hyped up on Wraith juice again, when she is asked by the humming voice of President Laura Roslin, "Do you want me to get my airlock ready?"
Distracted by those frakking awesome legs ... er, that is to say the glorious win-at-life hair ... meaning, um, the hot for teacher glasses ... *gives up* ... distracted by the whole of Roslin it takes a moment for The Author to realize why Madame Prez is eagerly playing with the key to the airlock.
"Merlin's Balls! Who the hell let Hermione-Sue out of her cage?!"
There’s no response, and Hermione-Sue is still speaking, sickening the audience with each hip, new age word that leaves her perfect, red-tinted mouth in a high-pitched giggly voice.
The Author must do something, and quickly. Roslin's airlock holds merit, and it would make the President happy (perhaps enough so that she'll star in something dirty with the Admiral), but there isn't time. The Evil Genius reaches for her phaser ... only to remember she'd not long ago used it to distract Deanna Troi ("Oh, shiny!").
“Super!Harry,” Quick Wit calls and waits until a finely built, six foot four, non-spectacled Harry Potter makes his way to her side, the hair on her legs rising at the feel of the awesome, Dumbledore-like power he radiates.
“You hollered, milady?” he asks, glancing between the evil genius, Roslin's smirk and Hermione-Sue.
“Yes,” Quick Wit responds, glaring at the figure on the stage. “Blast that bitch!”
He bows slightly and draws his wand, “By your command.”
Super!Harry uses his awe-inspiring powers to make himself completely invisible to all bar The Author and then silently makes his way on stage, sneaking up behind Hermione-Sue as she continues to ramble, “- - and then Flabby told Draco that I was totally into him, which I kinda am, but I’m also kinda totally into Ron and Neville and Harry and Seamus, and George, but not Fred, so -“
“Avada Kedavra!” Super!Harry screams and a blast of green light plows into Hermione-Sue's back, so awesomely powerful that it instantly disintegrates her into nothingness.
Super!Harry fades back into view and the audience gasps once more at the sight of him, as he addresses them, “The Author does not own any of the universes in which she dabbles. The Author wishes all to know that she means no infringement and she does not make one measly cent off of her foray into the world of fanfiction. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. We hope you enjoy the show.”