The Martyr

[gamerchick]

The Martyr
(voice, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, tambourine)

Comments

[lavenderrose]

that's so weird... i was at work today writing a song about a very very similar relationship. and i even used the word martyr, but only once.

so, would you like some feedback or were you just posting to share?

[gamerchick]

Feedback would be wonderful. (c:

cool =]

[lavenderrose]

well, first off i really like the lyrics. i especially like "wish on a scar," that's really powerful. i do have a couple suggestions, just off the cuff- please feel free to take em or leave em! i think this song is in too high a key for your voice; it got a little pitchy here and there. i think it would be better down about 2 or three keys. do you know how to transpose? if you don't, i'd love to help you. i also thought it was a little too long; perhaps it could benefit from a bridge or just maybe taking out a verse or two. i know how it is when there's so much you want to say, but sometimes, for the sake of the song, you do need to edit. you can think of what you cut out as a new lyrical seed for a new tune

Re: cool =]

[gamerchick]

Yeah, E is a little high for me - but I'm tired of writing in the same 4-5 keys and I figured if I didn't try it I'd never know. I do know how to transpose so maybe I'll try it down a step or two when I return to it.

If I cut anything from the song it will probably be the alternate chorus at the end. I'm afraid that if I cut any of the verses, the narrative of the song will be lost.

I'm familiar with the concept of procity but not the term - so now I've learned something new. A lot of my stuff has a mismatch between music and lyrics. I don't know if it's something I do deliberately or something that just comes out that way, but it seems to happen a lot.

Thanks for your comments. They were very helpful!