Hope Lake
Author: cindyls1969 and raewriter
Chapter: 1/9
Rating: R
Summary: After a life long friendship and many misunderstandings, Luke and Noah head to Hope Lake to finally figure things out.
A/N: Working with Ryan has been a dream come true. I hope we can do it again some day.
Luke walked through the packed parking garage of the Chicago Sun Times, a scowl set firmly in place as he tried in vain to remember where he had parked that morning. His overloaded messenger bag cut into his shoulder slightly as he balanced a stack of research in one hand, his keys and a half drank room temperature Starbucks mocha in the other.
“Goddamn,” he mumbled aloud, now spinning in a circle searching for his car. Desperate, he pressed the panic button on his key fob and listened on in disbelief as his car alarm began to bray on the other side of the parking garage. He pressed the button again, silencing the annoyingly loud alarm and began to walk in the direction of his car. He distractedly looked down at his watch and rolled his eyes.
'I am gonna be so fucking late,' he thought with a grimace.
“Hey Luke you got a big weekend planned,” a voice asked as he reached for the door handle of his black Civic. He turned to see the smiling face of Michael, one of the copy editors from the 12th floor.
“Not really. Going to spend some time with some old friends. How bout you,” Luke asked, trying to conjure up the most convincing smile he could muster.
“Oh not much. Probably just hang around the apartment. So umm......if you get back into town early enough would you like to go grab something to eat Sunday night,” Michael asked glancing down at his shoes for a moment before looking back up at Luke with a shy, hopeful smile.
Luke sighed. He should say yes. He really should go out, see what the dating world had to offer. And, giving Michael a quick once over, he decided he could do a whole lot worse. Michael was a good looking guy, and he seemed really sweet from what Luke knew of him. Maybe it was time to take a chance and see what happens.
“That’s nice of you, but maybe some other time. Not sure I'm ready for anything like that right now,” Luke said, trying to offer up an apologetic smile as he forced the mental picture of a tall brunette out of his head. The tall brunette that he could not help compare everyone else to. They just never measured up.
'Nobody ever will' Luke thought despairingly.
“Hey, yeah....that’s cool. Maybe some other time,” Michael said again looking down at his feet. He blew out a long breath before looking up to meet Luke's eyes again.
“Have a good weekend Luke,” he said with a smile before turning and heading towards his car.
“You too,” Luke said softly as he watched him walk away.
Sighing heavily, Luke opened the door and unloaded his hands, securing his messenger bag and file folders filled with research into the back seat before sliding in behind the wheel. He turned the key and brought the engine to life. Checking his mirrors, he slid the gear shift into reverse and began to back out. He heard the blaring of a horn and was able to slam on the brake just as a huge SUV flew right behind him, a muffled obscenity being shouted out the open driver's side window. Luke's half drank coffee flew from it's resting place in the cup holder and landed in the passenger seat, it's top coming off and emptying out onto the light grey upholstery. Luke glanced at the overturned coffee cup for a moment before closing his eyes and tightening his grip on the steering wheel. When he opened the again, he glanced into his rear view mirror and caught his tired reflection looking back at him.
“Happy birthday Luke,” He said through clenched teeth. He snatched an old gym shirt from the back floorboard and mopped at the spilled coffee before backing out and heading towards the garage exit and hopefully, Luke thought, a nice weekend. As he pulled out and merged into the downtown Chicago traffic, his cell phone rang from his pocket. Digging it out and glancing at the caller ID, he braced himself for impact as he answered.
“Hey Case, how's it going,” Luke asked trying to put as much brightness into his voice as he could.
“I'm doing just fine Snyder. But you birthday boy....you are now officially 45 minutes late. Where the hell are you,” Casey asked.
“Yeah about that. Look I know I said I would......”
“Oh hell no Luke! You promised you would be here! You are not backing out now! This is supposed to be your fucking birthday party,” Casey hissed.
“If you would let me finish! Jesus Casey you need to switch to decaf. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I know I said I would be there by 2 o'clock but I’m running late. My editor dropped a pile of shit on my desk 20 minutes before I was supposed to leave,” Luke said matter of factly.
“So your running late. How late are we talking,” Casey asked, his tone a bit apologetic.
“Well I just turned onto State Street, what does that tell you,” Luke groaned.
“Yeah...you are running late. So it's almost 3. you should be here then a little after 5 right,” Casey asked, trying to plan the trip out in his head.
“Yeah. Car's already gassed up, suitcase is in the trunk. Nothing between you and me but the open road now. I'm really looking forward to spending the weekend with you and Ali,” Luke said with his first genuine smile of the day.
“Yeah, we’ve kinda been missing you too Snyder,” Casey said with a chuckle.
“I hope me being late is going to mess up your plans,” Luke said as he merged onto the freeway.
“No worries buddy! We will have dinner ready when you get here, and your surprise will be waiting for you,” Casey said with an 'I know something you don't know' tone.
“Yeah about this surprise. Case....you know I hate surprises. Just tell me what it is you and Ali have been planning,” Luke said trying not to sound irritated.
“I know you hate surprises Snyder and no fucking way am I telling you what it is. Ali would have my ass if I let this spill,” Casey said in a sing song voice.
“Can I at least have a hint,” Luke asked, hating the way it almost sounded like a whine.
“I can tell you it's something that you love. Other than that I am not at liberty to say,” Casey said cheerfully.
“You suck Hughes,” Luke groaned.
“You swallow Snyder,” Casey replied with a laugh.
“Ha ha ha. Traffic's not to bad today. I should make pretty good time,” Luke said picking up speed as the traffic started thinning out. There was a moment of silence between the two men before Luke asked the question that was never far from the front of his mind.
“So.....have umm.....have you....” Luke tried, falling over his words.
“Yeah, I’ve talked to Noah. He's doing good. He should be coming home soon,” Casey said quietly.
“Yeah. That’s good to hear. I've been worried about him,” Luke said in an equally soft voice.
“You sure have a funny way of showing it Luke. Past couple of times he has come home for leave you have all but ignored him. The last time, you knew he was coming back and you didn’t even bother coming home. He left you how many messages....damn near begging to see you while he was here and you just didn't bother,” Casey said, the tone growing sharper in his voice.
“Don't you dare! You know how I feel about him Casey,” Luke yelled, jerking on the wheel slightly as his car began to wander into another lane.
“Yeah! I know how you feel about him. You claim you love him....claim to be in love with him....yet you would treat him like this,” Casey snapped right back.
“I do love him! You know I do! My god Case I’m head over fucking heels in love with my best friend...always have been! But he's straight Casey! Do you have any idea how it feels to know that the only person you have ever loved like that can never love you back,” Luke asked, his voice dropping down to a defeated level.
“Noah does love you,” Casey said.
“I know he does. Just not the way I need him to. And until I can get past that....until I can accept the fact that I will never have him the way I need him....then it's best I just keep my distance.
He doesn't understand Luke. He thinks he did something wrong. He thinks you hate him because he joined the army,” Casey said sadly.
“I don't. You...you tell him next time you talk to him ok,” Luke said, wiping the tear away with his shoulder as it raced down his cheek.
“You tell him yourself. It needs to come from you Luke,” Casey said, his own voice now getting choked up.
“Casey Hughes are you crying,” Luke asked with a choked laugh trying to lighten the mood.
“All heart no brains, right? I believe I have been told that a time or two,” Casey joked along, wiping at his eyes. They again fell into silence for a moment before Casey decided to push forward a little more.
“You know as well as I do why he left Luke. And you also know as well as I do that you have been giving him hell for it ever since. He was trying to earn his dad's respect,” Casey said.
“Yeah....well none of that changed the fact that he was gone did it. He could have died fighting in that stupid fucking war trying to earn the love of his stupid fucking father and for what? The man's a bastard! He never deserved to have a man like Noah for a son. Noah has always been too good for him,” Luke said, his voice turning icy again.
“He left Casey. He left and he could have been killed. It was all so pointless. He chose to leave. He could have stayed with us.....he could have stayed with me,” Luke said, his voice breaking off into a whisper at the end. Neither man said anything for what seemed like an eternity, until finally Casey cleared his throat.
“Just get here safe and sound Luke. We can talk about all this later....maybe try to make some sense out of all of it. Now get off here and concentrate on the road,” Casey said slipping into his best grown up voice.
“I'll see you soon Case,” Luke said.
“Can't wait buddy. Love you,” Casey replied before the call ended. Luke set his phone down in the center console and focused on the road ahead of him. As he drove, his mind went to the same place it always went when he had nothing to distract him.
Noah.
As the mile markers zoomed by, and the last of the Chicago suburbs gave way to open farmland and rolling, tree covered hills dotted with the very first color's of fall, Luke drifted off into an almost mechanical daze, performing the basic functions of operating the car while his mind wandered back into his past.
“What should we name it,” Luke asked as he stood at the base of the tree, looking proudly up at a whole summer's worth of hard work.
“Hmmm....how bout Fort Fantastic Four,” Noah exclaimed proudly, lowering the used movie camera Lily and Holden had given him for Christmas the year before and looking at Luke with a huge grin. Luke could not help but grin back, his pride swelling at hearing Noah's use of the comic book reference he had used to name the friendship between himself, Noah, Casey and Ali.
“It's perfect! Now stop making movies and help me haul all these supplies up the ladder,” Luke joked with his head cocked to the side.
They had spent the summer building it, the four of them taking advantage of every sunny day, working from right after breakfast until shortly before dinner. With a lot of hard work, the leftover lumber from the addition to the barn had turned into, what Luke thought, was the greatest tree fort on the planet.
“I want to make sure Ali and Case get to see all this,” Noah said again turning his attention through the view finder and getting Luke in his sights. Casey being home sick with strep throat and Ali having to go with her parents for the weekend meant it was just him and Luke today.
“Say something funny for Case,” Noah said once Luke knew he was on camera. Luke wasted no time hamming it up for the camera.
“Something funny,” Luke deadpanned to the camera before breaking into what could only be described as a monkey dance, one hand scratching under his armpit while he jumped around bow legged. By the time he was finished, both boys were laughing so hard they had to stop to catch their breath.
Noah powered off the camera and came up to Luke, bending down to gather up as many of the fort's vital provisions as he could carry while safely climbing the ladder. Still giggling slightly, Luke couldn’t help but stare at his best friend as a somewhat new emotion rolled through him. A summer of hard work and heavy lifting had transformed Noah's skinny, 11 year old body into something different. Luke could see without looking hard at all that Noah had taken a step away from being a little boy, and a step towards being a young man. His breath caught in this throat as he watched the newly formed muscles ripple under Noah's tanned skin. Noah stood up, his arms full and walked past Luke with playful smirk towards the ladder. Luke stood there feeling confused, different, scared, and a little....good. Noah's voice shook him out of his thought's.
“You coming Luke,” Noah asked standing at the base of the ladder, a huge, vampire grin plastered to his face.
“Yeah, I'm right behind ya Noah,” Luke said, his own grin spreading into a smile.
As he merged off the interstate and headed southeast on a two lane highway, Luke smiled again, thinking back onto what had been one of the best summer's of his life. The last time he had gone home, which had been almost 4 months now, Luke had taken a walk one evening out into the woods, his memory leading him without problem right to the base of that old oak tree. The tree fort was still there, and Luke had wasted no time in climbing up, drawing comfort from the place that reminded him so much of Noah.
“Yeah, that was a good summer,” Luke spoke aloud, setting the cruise control and smiling to himself. But like everything else today, it seemed fate had a cruel way of wishing Luke a happy birthday. To his right, Luke saw a large billboard as it passed by from the shoulder. Uncle Sam looked back at him, his finger pointing outwards towards the passing motorists. In large block lettering it read 'Uncle Sam wants you to be all you can be. Join the Armed Forces.' Luke's smile melted from his face, and suddenly he was taken back again, to a much unhappier memory.
“You’re leaving?” Luke asked, his eyes wide with fear and anger.
“Yeah. This is something I have to do Luke. If I serve my country then my schooling will be paid for and....”
“Mom and dad have already agreed to help cover the costs for us to go to college Noah! We were supposed to start together in the fall,” Luke said, his voice starting to grow more of an edge.
“Your mom and dad have done so much for me already Luke. I can't ask them to do this too. I have a chance to make it on my own. And plus dad said...”
“Screw your dad Noah,” Luke spat, cutting Noah off once again.
“Where has your dad been the past 11 years? He comes walking back into your life after all this time and you just.......leave everything behind,” Luke yelled, his eyes starting to cloud over with unshed tears.
“This is a chance for me to make him proud Luke. A chance for me to get back the only family I ever had,” Noah said, his voice catching toward the end.
“And what were we? Mom, dad, Faith, Natalie, Grandma......what were we,” Luke asked, his bottom lip beginning to tremble.
“That's not what I meant Luke. You guys are my family. I love you all so much,” Noah said taking a step towards Luke.
“But yet you want to leave. You are going to be gone for years! What if something happens to you? What if you get hurt? What if you.......” Luke could not finish that thought as terror rose up in his chest.
“I'll be fine Luke. I'll be careful....I'll take care of myself. Plus I'll be home every chance I get,” Noah said, taking another step towards Luke, reaching out for his shoulder. Luke backed away.
“I thought we were friends? What are Casey and Ali gonna think about this.,” Luke demanded, folding his arms over his chest in a pose Noah knew all to well.
“I already told them. We said our goodbyes yesterday. And as for us being friends? How can you even ask me that Luke? I lo......”
“So I am the last person to know? When are you leaving,” Luke asked, taking another step away from Noah.
“Tomorrow morning,” Noah said looking down at the grass.
“Jesus Christ Noah! I don't.....I.....why even bother telling me at all,” Luke exploded causing Noah to recoil slightly.
“Luke this doesn't change anything. I knew telling you was gonna be the hardest, that's why I waited so long. I know I should have told you sooner but can't we just.....”
“I'm coming with you,” Luke blurt out, his eyes taking on a determined glare.
“Luke....you can't. You know how the military feels about gays. You could never be yourself,” Noah said, the statement and Luke's desire breaking his heart.
“I want to be with you Noah. I don't want you to go where I can't follow,” Luke sobbed, finally breaking down.
“Luke please....can't we just make the most out of this evening? Go and do something fun together just the two of us,” Noah asked, desperate to get through to the person he cared about more than anyone else, even if he could never say it.
“No! You know what.....just go! Just...” Luke backed away, his mouth lifting into a sneer. His face twitched and he opened his mouth to say something, but the words did not come out. Instead he just shook his head, his brown eyes flooded with tears, and turned and walked to his car.
Jumping in, he peeled out from the farm and raced up the driveway, leaving Noah standing there. He had driven straight to Casey's house, Margo agreeing to left him crash there for the night without question seeing the state Luke was in. They stayed up most of the night, Casey holding Luke while he cried and screamed. It was in the wee hours of the morning, exhausted and his head throbbing from hours of crying, that Luke admitted to Casey his feelings for Noah. Casey had been a little stunned at first, but had simply reached out and pulled a crying Luke into another bear hug.
“It's gonna be alright Luke, I got ya buddy,” Casey said, rocking his best friend back and forth until sleep finally took him.
The next morning when Luke arrived home, Noah was gone.
The sound of an air horn pulled Luke out of his memory as a semi blew by him. At some point, Luke could not remember, he had pulled the Civic off onto the shoulder and slumped against the steering wheel, unable to fight off the sobs that overtook him. He wiped harshly at his face, trying to regain some composure and flicked the switch turning his emergency flashers off. Pulling back out onto the road, his hands gripped the steering wheel tightly.
“Get a grip Snyder. Don't let Casey and Ali see you like this,” he said aloud in a commanding voice. Up ahead, he saw the first sing welcoming him to Illinois' Lake Hope State Park.
Chapter: 1/9
Rating: R
Summary: After a life long friendship and many misunderstandings, Luke and Noah head to Hope Lake to finally figure things out.
A/N: Working with Ryan has been a dream come true. I hope we can do it again some day.
Luke walked through the packed parking garage of the Chicago Sun Times, a scowl set firmly in place as he tried in vain to remember where he had parked that morning. His overloaded messenger bag cut into his shoulder slightly as he balanced a stack of research in one hand, his keys and a half drank room temperature Starbucks mocha in the other.
“Goddamn,” he mumbled aloud, now spinning in a circle searching for his car. Desperate, he pressed the panic button on his key fob and listened on in disbelief as his car alarm began to bray on the other side of the parking garage. He pressed the button again, silencing the annoyingly loud alarm and began to walk in the direction of his car. He distractedly looked down at his watch and rolled his eyes.
'I am gonna be so fucking late,' he thought with a grimace.
“Hey Luke you got a big weekend planned,” a voice asked as he reached for the door handle of his black Civic. He turned to see the smiling face of Michael, one of the copy editors from the 12th floor.
“Not really. Going to spend some time with some old friends. How bout you,” Luke asked, trying to conjure up the most convincing smile he could muster.
“Oh not much. Probably just hang around the apartment. So umm......if you get back into town early enough would you like to go grab something to eat Sunday night,” Michael asked glancing down at his shoes for a moment before looking back up at Luke with a shy, hopeful smile.
Luke sighed. He should say yes. He really should go out, see what the dating world had to offer. And, giving Michael a quick once over, he decided he could do a whole lot worse. Michael was a good looking guy, and he seemed really sweet from what Luke knew of him. Maybe it was time to take a chance and see what happens.
“That’s nice of you, but maybe some other time. Not sure I'm ready for anything like that right now,” Luke said, trying to offer up an apologetic smile as he forced the mental picture of a tall brunette out of his head. The tall brunette that he could not help compare everyone else to. They just never measured up.
'Nobody ever will' Luke thought despairingly.
“Hey, yeah....that’s cool. Maybe some other time,” Michael said again looking down at his feet. He blew out a long breath before looking up to meet Luke's eyes again.
“Have a good weekend Luke,” he said with a smile before turning and heading towards his car.
“You too,” Luke said softly as he watched him walk away.
Sighing heavily, Luke opened the door and unloaded his hands, securing his messenger bag and file folders filled with research into the back seat before sliding in behind the wheel. He turned the key and brought the engine to life. Checking his mirrors, he slid the gear shift into reverse and began to back out. He heard the blaring of a horn and was able to slam on the brake just as a huge SUV flew right behind him, a muffled obscenity being shouted out the open driver's side window. Luke's half drank coffee flew from it's resting place in the cup holder and landed in the passenger seat, it's top coming off and emptying out onto the light grey upholstery. Luke glanced at the overturned coffee cup for a moment before closing his eyes and tightening his grip on the steering wheel. When he opened the again, he glanced into his rear view mirror and caught his tired reflection looking back at him.
“Happy birthday Luke,” He said through clenched teeth. He snatched an old gym shirt from the back floorboard and mopped at the spilled coffee before backing out and heading towards the garage exit and hopefully, Luke thought, a nice weekend. As he pulled out and merged into the downtown Chicago traffic, his cell phone rang from his pocket. Digging it out and glancing at the caller ID, he braced himself for impact as he answered.
“Hey Case, how's it going,” Luke asked trying to put as much brightness into his voice as he could.
“I'm doing just fine Snyder. But you birthday boy....you are now officially 45 minutes late. Where the hell are you,” Casey asked.
“Yeah about that. Look I know I said I would......”
“Oh hell no Luke! You promised you would be here! You are not backing out now! This is supposed to be your fucking birthday party,” Casey hissed.
“If you would let me finish! Jesus Casey you need to switch to decaf. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I know I said I would be there by 2 o'clock but I’m running late. My editor dropped a pile of shit on my desk 20 minutes before I was supposed to leave,” Luke said matter of factly.
“So your running late. How late are we talking,” Casey asked, his tone a bit apologetic.
“Well I just turned onto State Street, what does that tell you,” Luke groaned.
“Yeah...you are running late. So it's almost 3. you should be here then a little after 5 right,” Casey asked, trying to plan the trip out in his head.
“Yeah. Car's already gassed up, suitcase is in the trunk. Nothing between you and me but the open road now. I'm really looking forward to spending the weekend with you and Ali,” Luke said with his first genuine smile of the day.
“Yeah, we’ve kinda been missing you too Snyder,” Casey said with a chuckle.
“I hope me being late is going to mess up your plans,” Luke said as he merged onto the freeway.
“No worries buddy! We will have dinner ready when you get here, and your surprise will be waiting for you,” Casey said with an 'I know something you don't know' tone.
“Yeah about this surprise. Case....you know I hate surprises. Just tell me what it is you and Ali have been planning,” Luke said trying not to sound irritated.
“I know you hate surprises Snyder and no fucking way am I telling you what it is. Ali would have my ass if I let this spill,” Casey said in a sing song voice.
“Can I at least have a hint,” Luke asked, hating the way it almost sounded like a whine.
“I can tell you it's something that you love. Other than that I am not at liberty to say,” Casey said cheerfully.
“You suck Hughes,” Luke groaned.
“You swallow Snyder,” Casey replied with a laugh.
“Ha ha ha. Traffic's not to bad today. I should make pretty good time,” Luke said picking up speed as the traffic started thinning out. There was a moment of silence between the two men before Luke asked the question that was never far from the front of his mind.
“So.....have umm.....have you....” Luke tried, falling over his words.
“Yeah, I’ve talked to Noah. He's doing good. He should be coming home soon,” Casey said quietly.
“Yeah. That’s good to hear. I've been worried about him,” Luke said in an equally soft voice.
“You sure have a funny way of showing it Luke. Past couple of times he has come home for leave you have all but ignored him. The last time, you knew he was coming back and you didn’t even bother coming home. He left you how many messages....damn near begging to see you while he was here and you just didn't bother,” Casey said, the tone growing sharper in his voice.
“Don't you dare! You know how I feel about him Casey,” Luke yelled, jerking on the wheel slightly as his car began to wander into another lane.
“Yeah! I know how you feel about him. You claim you love him....claim to be in love with him....yet you would treat him like this,” Casey snapped right back.
“I do love him! You know I do! My god Case I’m head over fucking heels in love with my best friend...always have been! But he's straight Casey! Do you have any idea how it feels to know that the only person you have ever loved like that can never love you back,” Luke asked, his voice dropping down to a defeated level.
“Noah does love you,” Casey said.
“I know he does. Just not the way I need him to. And until I can get past that....until I can accept the fact that I will never have him the way I need him....then it's best I just keep my distance.
He doesn't understand Luke. He thinks he did something wrong. He thinks you hate him because he joined the army,” Casey said sadly.
“I don't. You...you tell him next time you talk to him ok,” Luke said, wiping the tear away with his shoulder as it raced down his cheek.
“You tell him yourself. It needs to come from you Luke,” Casey said, his own voice now getting choked up.
“Casey Hughes are you crying,” Luke asked with a choked laugh trying to lighten the mood.
“All heart no brains, right? I believe I have been told that a time or two,” Casey joked along, wiping at his eyes. They again fell into silence for a moment before Casey decided to push forward a little more.
“You know as well as I do why he left Luke. And you also know as well as I do that you have been giving him hell for it ever since. He was trying to earn his dad's respect,” Casey said.
“Yeah....well none of that changed the fact that he was gone did it. He could have died fighting in that stupid fucking war trying to earn the love of his stupid fucking father and for what? The man's a bastard! He never deserved to have a man like Noah for a son. Noah has always been too good for him,” Luke said, his voice turning icy again.
“He left Casey. He left and he could have been killed. It was all so pointless. He chose to leave. He could have stayed with us.....he could have stayed with me,” Luke said, his voice breaking off into a whisper at the end. Neither man said anything for what seemed like an eternity, until finally Casey cleared his throat.
“Just get here safe and sound Luke. We can talk about all this later....maybe try to make some sense out of all of it. Now get off here and concentrate on the road,” Casey said slipping into his best grown up voice.
“I'll see you soon Case,” Luke said.
“Can't wait buddy. Love you,” Casey replied before the call ended. Luke set his phone down in the center console and focused on the road ahead of him. As he drove, his mind went to the same place it always went when he had nothing to distract him.
Noah.
As the mile markers zoomed by, and the last of the Chicago suburbs gave way to open farmland and rolling, tree covered hills dotted with the very first color's of fall, Luke drifted off into an almost mechanical daze, performing the basic functions of operating the car while his mind wandered back into his past.
“What should we name it,” Luke asked as he stood at the base of the tree, looking proudly up at a whole summer's worth of hard work.
“Hmmm....how bout Fort Fantastic Four,” Noah exclaimed proudly, lowering the used movie camera Lily and Holden had given him for Christmas the year before and looking at Luke with a huge grin. Luke could not help but grin back, his pride swelling at hearing Noah's use of the comic book reference he had used to name the friendship between himself, Noah, Casey and Ali.
“It's perfect! Now stop making movies and help me haul all these supplies up the ladder,” Luke joked with his head cocked to the side.
They had spent the summer building it, the four of them taking advantage of every sunny day, working from right after breakfast until shortly before dinner. With a lot of hard work, the leftover lumber from the addition to the barn had turned into, what Luke thought, was the greatest tree fort on the planet.
“I want to make sure Ali and Case get to see all this,” Noah said again turning his attention through the view finder and getting Luke in his sights. Casey being home sick with strep throat and Ali having to go with her parents for the weekend meant it was just him and Luke today.
“Say something funny for Case,” Noah said once Luke knew he was on camera. Luke wasted no time hamming it up for the camera.
“Something funny,” Luke deadpanned to the camera before breaking into what could only be described as a monkey dance, one hand scratching under his armpit while he jumped around bow legged. By the time he was finished, both boys were laughing so hard they had to stop to catch their breath.
Noah powered off the camera and came up to Luke, bending down to gather up as many of the fort's vital provisions as he could carry while safely climbing the ladder. Still giggling slightly, Luke couldn’t help but stare at his best friend as a somewhat new emotion rolled through him. A summer of hard work and heavy lifting had transformed Noah's skinny, 11 year old body into something different. Luke could see without looking hard at all that Noah had taken a step away from being a little boy, and a step towards being a young man. His breath caught in this throat as he watched the newly formed muscles ripple under Noah's tanned skin. Noah stood up, his arms full and walked past Luke with playful smirk towards the ladder. Luke stood there feeling confused, different, scared, and a little....good. Noah's voice shook him out of his thought's.
“You coming Luke,” Noah asked standing at the base of the ladder, a huge, vampire grin plastered to his face.
“Yeah, I'm right behind ya Noah,” Luke said, his own grin spreading into a smile.
As he merged off the interstate and headed southeast on a two lane highway, Luke smiled again, thinking back onto what had been one of the best summer's of his life. The last time he had gone home, which had been almost 4 months now, Luke had taken a walk one evening out into the woods, his memory leading him without problem right to the base of that old oak tree. The tree fort was still there, and Luke had wasted no time in climbing up, drawing comfort from the place that reminded him so much of Noah.
“Yeah, that was a good summer,” Luke spoke aloud, setting the cruise control and smiling to himself. But like everything else today, it seemed fate had a cruel way of wishing Luke a happy birthday. To his right, Luke saw a large billboard as it passed by from the shoulder. Uncle Sam looked back at him, his finger pointing outwards towards the passing motorists. In large block lettering it read 'Uncle Sam wants you to be all you can be. Join the Armed Forces.' Luke's smile melted from his face, and suddenly he was taken back again, to a much unhappier memory.
“You’re leaving?” Luke asked, his eyes wide with fear and anger.
“Yeah. This is something I have to do Luke. If I serve my country then my schooling will be paid for and....”
“Mom and dad have already agreed to help cover the costs for us to go to college Noah! We were supposed to start together in the fall,” Luke said, his voice starting to grow more of an edge.
“Your mom and dad have done so much for me already Luke. I can't ask them to do this too. I have a chance to make it on my own. And plus dad said...”
“Screw your dad Noah,” Luke spat, cutting Noah off once again.
“Where has your dad been the past 11 years? He comes walking back into your life after all this time and you just.......leave everything behind,” Luke yelled, his eyes starting to cloud over with unshed tears.
“This is a chance for me to make him proud Luke. A chance for me to get back the only family I ever had,” Noah said, his voice catching toward the end.
“And what were we? Mom, dad, Faith, Natalie, Grandma......what were we,” Luke asked, his bottom lip beginning to tremble.
“That's not what I meant Luke. You guys are my family. I love you all so much,” Noah said taking a step towards Luke.
“But yet you want to leave. You are going to be gone for years! What if something happens to you? What if you get hurt? What if you.......” Luke could not finish that thought as terror rose up in his chest.
“I'll be fine Luke. I'll be careful....I'll take care of myself. Plus I'll be home every chance I get,” Noah said, taking another step towards Luke, reaching out for his shoulder. Luke backed away.
“I thought we were friends? What are Casey and Ali gonna think about this.,” Luke demanded, folding his arms over his chest in a pose Noah knew all to well.
“I already told them. We said our goodbyes yesterday. And as for us being friends? How can you even ask me that Luke? I lo......”
“So I am the last person to know? When are you leaving,” Luke asked, taking another step away from Noah.
“Tomorrow morning,” Noah said looking down at the grass.
“Jesus Christ Noah! I don't.....I.....why even bother telling me at all,” Luke exploded causing Noah to recoil slightly.
“Luke this doesn't change anything. I knew telling you was gonna be the hardest, that's why I waited so long. I know I should have told you sooner but can't we just.....”
“I'm coming with you,” Luke blurt out, his eyes taking on a determined glare.
“Luke....you can't. You know how the military feels about gays. You could never be yourself,” Noah said, the statement and Luke's desire breaking his heart.
“I want to be with you Noah. I don't want you to go where I can't follow,” Luke sobbed, finally breaking down.
“Luke please....can't we just make the most out of this evening? Go and do something fun together just the two of us,” Noah asked, desperate to get through to the person he cared about more than anyone else, even if he could never say it.
“No! You know what.....just go! Just...” Luke backed away, his mouth lifting into a sneer. His face twitched and he opened his mouth to say something, but the words did not come out. Instead he just shook his head, his brown eyes flooded with tears, and turned and walked to his car.
Jumping in, he peeled out from the farm and raced up the driveway, leaving Noah standing there. He had driven straight to Casey's house, Margo agreeing to left him crash there for the night without question seeing the state Luke was in. They stayed up most of the night, Casey holding Luke while he cried and screamed. It was in the wee hours of the morning, exhausted and his head throbbing from hours of crying, that Luke admitted to Casey his feelings for Noah. Casey had been a little stunned at first, but had simply reached out and pulled a crying Luke into another bear hug.
“It's gonna be alright Luke, I got ya buddy,” Casey said, rocking his best friend back and forth until sleep finally took him.
The next morning when Luke arrived home, Noah was gone.
The sound of an air horn pulled Luke out of his memory as a semi blew by him. At some point, Luke could not remember, he had pulled the Civic off onto the shoulder and slumped against the steering wheel, unable to fight off the sobs that overtook him. He wiped harshly at his face, trying to regain some composure and flicked the switch turning his emergency flashers off. Pulling back out onto the road, his hands gripped the steering wheel tightly.
“Get a grip Snyder. Don't let Casey and Ali see you like this,” he said aloud in a commanding voice. Up ahead, he saw the first sing welcoming him to Illinois' Lake Hope State Park.