In a few communities I lurkread, there have been some discussions about porn. Porn is always an entertaining subject. Therefore, I present to you some of the statements I have seen tonight
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It's really, really variable. I don't think either argument is OMG RIGHT or OMG WRONG. It depends on the relationship and what your agreements were before you got into it.
Do I think that looking at porn is all right? Yes, so long as it's not serving as a replacement for sex (it's OK if you're watching it and having sex with your partner; it's not OK if you're turning down your partner's attempts at initiating sex but watching porn). Looking at porn is pretty natural/healthy, and as long as you're not taking it to excess/you're not watching illegal pornography (CP, shit with animals, etc), it's all right.
HOWEVER. If your partner is not OK with you watching porn, has made that clear to you, and you have agreed that it's not a deal-breaker in your relationship and that for their sake, you won't watch it? Then no, you shouldn't be watching porn.
I, personally don't think it's OK to ask your partner not to watch porn, but hey. If your partner not watching pornography is something you need out of your relationship and you have a
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This is pretty much where I come out on it - I don't really agree with either statement as a categorical description of how relationships/porn operate. Then again, I am very much of the mind that what two (or more) consenting adults decide is right for them in private is really none of my business.
The only thing I'm categorical on is that these things should be discussed.
Because my mother has absolutely no sense of personal boundaries, I learned at a young age that my dad was a sex addict and would watch porn daily. My mom blamed the porn. I blame my dad for not caring that he was addicted, insisting my mom kowtow to his addiction even though it made her uncomfortable, and just being a general fuckhead of a man. In my eyes, porn gets blamed for so much crap it doesn't cause, I really feel sorry for it (my dad would still have been a sex addict even without his Playboys, for example), so this is my reaction
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Based on my narrow experience of life I dopn't care about Porn. If my boyfriend wants to watch it or whack off to pics of other girls, I honestly don't care.
This is also a shared opinion with him and we've sat down and talked about it though, so there's no misunderstanding.
I would disagree with argument 2. Looking at porn is not natural. True, it is personal, which is quite my point. The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is a personal one, and one that is meant to be shared between them alone. It is that secret that the two share when the rest of the world is crashing in on them. Their secret language. I constantly hear about couples who have been married for years and are now having issues. Their marriage has gone cold. My parents were like this. A large part of this is because they no longer take their sexual bonding as special and sacred and something to be enjoyed and treasured. How many women complain that their men aren't romantic enough? How many men complain that their wives aren't sexual enough? I'm not saying that either side is to blame or that sex solves everything, but I think you can see in those arguments that sex is a very intimate and important part of every marriage
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I've never found my porn watching taking away from the intimacy I feel in my relationships, both in the bedroom and out, so I'm not sure where you're coming from there. If you mean to conflate, say, a husband's sexual relationship with his wife with what that husband's relationship to porn in the sense that the latter affects the former, then I disagree. I really don't think men see it this way at all, and are perfectly fine at keeping the two states separate (i.e. we really can wank it to bouncing titties and still consider sex to be a deeply personal act).
I'm curious why you think watching porn unnatural? Because to me, that's straight away implying that all sexual fantasies are unnatural, and I'd disagree again.
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Do I think that looking at porn is all right? Yes, so long as it's not serving as a replacement for sex (it's OK if you're watching it and having sex with your partner; it's not OK if you're turning down your partner's attempts at initiating sex but watching porn). Looking at porn is pretty natural/healthy, and as long as you're not taking it to excess/you're not watching illegal pornography (CP, shit with animals, etc), it's all right.
HOWEVER. If your partner is not OK with you watching porn, has made that clear to you, and you have agreed that it's not a deal-breaker in your relationship and that for their sake, you won't watch it? Then no, you shouldn't be watching porn.
I, personally don't think it's OK to ask your partner not to watch porn, but hey. If your partner not watching pornography is something you need out of your relationship and you have a ( ... )
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The only thing I'm categorical on is that these things should be discussed.
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This is also a shared opinion with him and we've sat down and talked about it though, so there's no misunderstanding.
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I'm curious why you think watching porn unnatural? Because to me, that's straight away implying that all sexual fantasies are unnatural, and I'd disagree again.
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