Opinions on Sexuality

[dark_paradise2]

I really need help and want the opinions of anyone willing to listen. I'm christian but I find myself being attracted to both genders. The problem is that I don't want to be. I find myself more attracted to guys (which I am relieved about) but I feel guilty whenever I think about people of my same gender. I really don't know what to do. Is there a

Comments

[lordhellebore]

Personally, I don't understand why someone would be unhappy about this, but then, my opinion about God's thoughts on this is not the typical "homosexuality is sin" stance. I'm attracted to people, no matter which gender.

But concerning your personal problem with it: I know there are churches that teach that even being attracted to the same sex is sinful, which I consider really nonsensical, since people are born that way. The Catholic Church, as far as I know, teaches that the attraction in itself is not a sin, but that acting upon it is (someone correct me if I'm mistaken here), and that makes at least some sense. So, why couldn't you simply not act on your attraction to women and focus on the men you're attracted to?

[dark_paradise2]

So your view on this is that people are born this way instead of changing their preferences?

I'm not Catholic so I'm not really familiar with their beliefs (I'm not sure if Christians believe the same thing. Maybe they do). That belief sounds great in theory, but with attractions comes urges (and that's the worst part).

I've tried to focus my attention on guys (and I tried very hard) but I may see a guy I think is attractive but not really feel attracted to him. There hasn't been any guys that have sparked my interest lately (and I don't know why). It saddens me because I miss that connection with a guy, yet feel this connection with a girl. Recently it feels like I'm trying to force connections with guys.

[lordhellebore]

So your view on this is that people are born this way instead of changing their preferences?

Of course, people are born with the potential to be attracted to more than just one gender. That's not to say their preferences are discovered right away; some people only notice later in life.

I'm not sure if Christians believe the same thing.

Excuse me? I hope you just forgot an "other" before "Christians", because Catholics are Christians. (Just FYI, before the Reformation, there were Orthodox and Catholics, and nothing else.) And more to the current point: some other Christians believe that, and some don't.

That belief sounds great in theory, but with attractions comes urges (and that's the worst part)Yeah, well. If you're heterosexual, you have urges too, and if you don't want to have sex before marriage etc, you have to resist them as well. There's no life free of the urge to "sin

[dark_paradise2]

I've tried telling people several times that Catholics are Christians and I've gotten negative responses. I've gotten told off several times because of how their are some difference (even if they are minor). -__-

I guess when it comes to the attraction with guys, doing simple things like cuddling or holding hands seems normal. When I do that with girls it feels wonderful but I feel guilty.

So I guess I'll do my best to refrain. Pray for me. I'll need it it. *tears*

I'll stop trying to force it and stop trying to change myself. It doesn't seem to be working much anyway (unfortunately).

[ginnyjake]

You don't sound stupid. I think more people have been in your position than you would think.

I agree with lordhellebore that the attraction is not a sin.

[lilybelladonna]

I'd agree that the best course of action is to not act on your attraction to women and focus on your attraction to men. Don't feel guilty because you're burdened; we all have things that we have to lean on God for and struggle through.

[dark_paradise2]

If I do happen to slip up on my attraction, would God ever forgive me? I mean, if I let something happen in the past that I knew was wrong, am I bound for hellfire?

Does a kiss count as acting on it (if I don't let it go any farther)? If I just admitted my feelings to her (because I feel like she may understand because she might be bi) does that count as acting on it?

I feel like constantly thinking about if she's bi or not because of her mixed signals. Would it do more harm than good by asking her (because I don't know how we'll act afterward)?

Sorry for all the questions.

[lordhellebore]

If I do happen to slip up on my attraction, would God ever forgive me?

Does God forgive you for other sins? If yes, why not this one? Is it anywhere mentioned in the BIble that this is the one unforgivable sin?

[muffledlaugh]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no such thing as "100% straight". Sexuality and attraction aren't either/or concepts - instead, both exist in what I like to think of as a spectrum, with the extremes at each end, and individuals can fall anywhere on there.

There is no need or reason for you to feel guilty - attraction is not a sin. Attraction is also not something you can control; your actions regarding those attractions are a different story. I find both women and men attractive, but in different ways - that is, I'm only sexually attractive to men, but I can also appreciate (and often do) a beautiful woman.

[dark_paradise2]

If I'm sexually attacted to both genders, does that put me on the extreme end of the spectrum? :/ I can appreciate a beautiful woman as well.

I hate these attractions (the ones towards women).

If I do not act on these actions, am I still considered bi because of the attraction to both genders?

[muffledlaugh]

No, if you are attracted to both sexes, that puts you somewhere in bewteen either being solely attracted to men (one extreme) or solely attracted to women (the other extreme). In my opinion, yes, you could consider yourself 'bisexual' if you find yourself sexually attracted to both men and women, even though you haven't had sexual experiences with either. Just because a heterosexual person hasn't had sex with a person of the opposite sex, doesn't mean they aren't heterosexual.

As it's been said already, attraction is not a sin, nor is it something you can control. What you can control is whether or not you choose to act on those attractions. It sounds like your attraction towards women is something that not only troubles you, but disgusts you. If that's the case, it would seem abstaining from acting on those attractions shouldn't be a problem.

[badnoodles]

There are two rather important things to remember: 1.)As long as you endeavour to walk the path of righteousness, you're OK in the eyes of the lord and 2.) God made you in his own image

[dark_paradise2]

So if I feel it's wrong, then don't act on my attraction? But the thing is, when I'm around this person, everything just feels so right. It's like hanging out with your crush. The only difference is that after I realize how happy I felt, I feel guilty.

I'm not sure what to count as a sin anymore. It's not like I'm engaging in any "activity" (even though I've felt like it around the guy I had a crush on and the girl I have a crush on).

Are you saying that if God made me this way and I feel like I can't help it, then it's okay as long as I don't act upon it?

[badnoodles]

No, I would say that there's nothing wrong in loving either gender. I know I do, and I don't feel any estrangement from God because of it.

The way I see it, you have three options: 1.) accept that God loves bisexual you and be happy with your crush and with God, 2.) continue to feel that God is displeased with bisexuality, be unhappy around your crush and about your relationship with God, or 3.) continue to feel that God is displeased with bisexuality, aboid your crush, and be happy about your relationship with God.

[dark_paradise2]

I'm leaning towards options 2 & 3 and both involve unhappiness.

Option 1 just doesn't sit well with me. :( It's just the way I've been raised.

I'll have to think this over (and hope there's an option 4, even though I know there isn't).