Marriage: An Entitlement

[chocoluvr]

Have any of you heard that there's someone out there for everyone and that its everybody's duty to get married and have kids?  I have heard that from Christian sources, but I've also heard that God has called some people to be single.  I'm sorry to say that I've been a part of a college outreach team who taught that there's someone out there for

Comments

[jadeejf]

Nothing we have in this life is an entitlement- they are all blessings, whether that be singleness or marriage or children or a job or a new car or riches or whatever. The church has done a somewhat poor job of ministering to singles, imho, just as it seems to do with those who struggle with infertility. But the church shouldn't be telling people that getting married and having babies is the only "right" way to be a Christian. Nevertheless, that subtext certainly exists, and I don't really have any good solutions for it, other than being vocal about it to your own church's leadership.

[pastorlenny]

Legalistic teaching about being married or being single is bogus. Some are called to be chaste. Some aren't. Every once in a while, it's a good idea for ministries to preach the gospel. It's not a bad idea to introduce people to the Holy Spirit either -- so they can find out for themselves what particular calling God is calling them to.

[amergina]

We're all called to be chaste. :-) Some are called to celibacy, in addition to chastity.

[pastorlenny]

Oh you.

[amergina]

Hey, I didn't set up the universe, don't blame me! ;-)

[mountainheather]

I've felt pressure to be married/have children young too. Not intentionally, I don't think. But yes, there are lots of young couples ministries, children's ministries and the like. Single people of any age tend to be left out. It does not help when so many of your friends are getting married and/or having kids or are in long term relationships.

[malvino]

I'm in my early thirties and can't see any way I'm going to be married soon, although I got close in my early 20s. I'm not worried by this at all, the teaching I've had from the church have always been that the future isn't knowable by us, so plans and expectations were futile and even counterproductive. I've never felt any duty to get married, or have children. It's might not be especially relevent, but I also have little idea "what I want to do when I grow up" either.

[sybbis]

That something is a blessing doesn't make it an obligation, is how I look at it. I do think that a partner and children are *attainable* to those who want them--although not always in the way and time that we want them to show up--but the idea that someone *must* have both is what spawns an awful lot of bad marriages and resented children.

My family would think it really startling if I had kids before I was 30--I'm thankful for that. I think many churches are still having trouble with the idea of a diverse church community where not everybody looks/acts/lives exactly the same way.