Fic: Feed Your Head (Sheppard/McKay, nc-17)
lcsbanana: okay. hmm. mushrooms!
chopchica: i always get asked for food porn
lcsbanana: I crave mushrooms tonight but can have none.
chopchica: do i give off foodporn vibes?
lcsbanana: APPARENTLY
chopchica: and MUSHROOMS?
lcsbanana: well, I don’t actually want foodporn
lcsbanana: just...food. and then porn.
lcsbanana: maybe they are on a mushroom planet!
chopchica: The Planet of the Mushrooms
lcsbanana: maybe they got HIGH.
chopchica: and they have sex under a giant MUSHROOM
lcsbanana: YES
lcsbanana: oh man
lcsbanana: that would be awesome
chopchica: and john starts getting all worried that a CATERPILLER is watching him
lcsbanana: ...I'm totally cracking up over here
lcsbanana: *dies*
Well, that didn't exactly happen, but there are mushrooms, and they do get high, and then there is sex, so I'm sure LC won't be crying too much! I'd also like to mention that first she asked for BACON, which I refused because I'm a vegetarian. I can't believe that apparently I will write all sorts of kinks, but bacon proved to be my downfall. So much for my open mind!
Oh, and the joke about Teyla's "people" completely and totally comes from makesmewannadie.
Feed Your Head
“All who join us must partake in the sacred yetl,” the Priestess told them.
John shrugged. Nothing new there. Sometimes he had dreams about a planet where they showed up and nothing weird happened - no running for their lives, no bug people, no ceremonial square dancing, just a normal mission where they could come home with some new form of grain.
“Yetl isn’t a secret name for snails, is it?” Rodney asked, poking at the slimy mass suspiciously.
“Tastes like mushrooms,” Ronon told them. His plate was already empty.
“Oh, well that’s not that bad then.” Rodney dug in, and John watched the blob of yetl reduce in size. “Actually, it’s pretty good.” He eyed John’s plate. “You gonna eat those?”
**
Yetl was pretty cool. In fact, everything was pretty cool; including the way the ceiling dipped and rose on its own, without even needing a pulley system. Ronon’s hair was cool, and his coat was even cooler. Idly John wondered if he could steal it and pretend he was Neo for the day.
Teyla was even cooler than Ronon, because she was doing all the talking, while John laid on his back and watched the windows switch places.
“We have never met anybody from Athos before,” the Priestess was telling Teyla.
Teyla hiccupped. “My people will be very grateful for any future relationship we may forge.”
“You know, whenever Teyla talks about ‘her people’,” Rodney (who wasn’t cool in the slightest, which probably made him the coolest of them all) confided, in what he thought was a quiet whisper - which meant that he was actually loud enough for the entire camp to hear him. “I always imagine she’s talking about her breasts.”
John winced, and waited for Teyla whip out her Fighting Sticks of Doom, but instead, something even stranger happened. Teyla giggled.
“I am in charge of my people!” she crowed, giggling even more. “My people are more important than my own comfort!” She grabbed for her breasts and fell off her chair. “I must go and consult with my people now!” she announced, as she crawled off into the corner.
“Colonel,” Rodney whispered even more loudly. His ears twitched alarmingly - kind of like a rabbit’s, John thought. “I think there was something in that yetl.”
“You think?” John asked him. It made a kind of sense, because probably Rodney’s shirt had never changed color like that before. “We should bring some back to Atlantis to get it tested out.” He frowned. Had he always sounded like that? “Atlaaaaahntis,” he tried again. “Atlaaaaaaaaahntis.”
“What on Earth are you doing?” Rodney asked him.
John ignored him, because this was becoming disturbing. Was he even qualified to be the leader if he couldn’t pronounce the name of the place where he lived? “Atlaaaah -”
“Oh, good god.” Rodney grabbed him right in the middle of his latest try. “We’re going out from some air,” he told the room at large and hauled John to his feet.
“But, Rodney,” John protested. “Teyla is busy with her people! Who’s gonna negotiate?”
“Ronon will. Right, Ronon?”
They both looked at Ronon, who had sculpted his hair into a vague resemblance of a bowl, and was currently busy trying to fill it with fruit.
“I trust you with my life,” John told Ronon solemnly. “And with the lives of everybody on Atlantis.” Ronon’s lips twitched and John wanted to smack his own mouth. “Atlaa -”
“Say one more syllable and regret it for the rest of your life,” Rodney warned him. John shut his mouth with a snap, because Rodney was scary with his eyes all silver and purple. Anyway, he could always practice on his own later.
.
“My people wish you well on your journey!” Telya called from her corner, letting go of her breasts long enough to wave at them happily.
**
“You know what’s cool?” John said.
Rodney snorted. “I can’t even begin to guess.”
“Lips.” John brought a hand up to feel them again - so weirdly squishy. “Lips are way cool.”
“Uh huh. You know what’s even cooler? Continuing to walk without stopping to fondle your lips.”
“What, would you rather I fondled yours?” John said without thinking.
Rodney froze, and John tried to figure out what had just happened. Nothing came to mind, and he shrugged and continued walking.
Rodney caught up with him a few steps later, still looking strange. “Do you even know where you’re going, Colonel?”
“Nope. I figure I’ll know it when I see it.” John tripped over a root, and ignored Rodney’s eye roll. “Disneyland would be pretty awesome though. You ever been to Disneyland, Rodney?”
Watching Rodney’s mouth go all twisty was one of John’s favorite things in life. “Yes, Colonel. In between receiving my numerous degrees, working inside of a secret mountain, being exiled to Siberia, and then relocating in *Antarctica*, I took in the time to see the sights - especially Thunder Mountain.”
John nodded sagely. “Good choice. Thunder Mountain rocked.”
“I don’t even know why I try,” Rodney muttered. “It’s even worse than having a conversation with you normally.” He grabbed John’s sleeve and towed him over to a pile of hay that had magically sprung up out of nowhere. “Now we are going to sit here very quietly until you’re back to your usually somewhat stoned self.”
John would’ve complained, but there was no point. The sun was out, the sky was blue, Ronon had killed the more irritating monkeys, and he was alone with Rodney. In fact, he was alone with Rodney in the middle of a pile of hay. It was just like all of his teenage fantasies come to life.
“This is just like my teenage fantasies come to life,” he told Rodney, whose mouth twisted even more.
“You had fantasies about hay?”
“I grew up in Nebraska.” Oh, crap. “Nebraaaa -”
“I swear to god, if you finish that word, even Ronon will never be able to find the body.”
“I just don’t get it,” John complained. “Why did nobody ever tell me I talk like that?”
Rodney shrugged. “Because then we’d lose our chance to make fun of you as soon as you left the room?”
“Oh, very funny.” John sat back in the hay and started at the sky. Then he turned his head and stared at Rodney’s nose. “Hey, how come you’re not all affected by the yetl like the rest of us?”
“I guess it’s just my superior system.” Rodney’s voice was just as arrogant as ever, but there was something in his face…
“Oh my god,” John realized, sitting up again in order to point an accusing finger. “It didn’t affect you because you’ve done it before!”
“Shh,” Rodney hissed, even though there was nobody around. “Do you really want to have this conversation right now?”
“You, you…” John tried to think of the worst word he could. “You *stoner*!”
Rodney rolled over to give him an incredulous look. “Did you really just condemn me for being a stoner? You?”
“Hey.” John was offended, and if he hadn’t been busy watching Rodney’s lips move, he might’ve even said so. “I think you’ve got the wrong idea about my past. If you want to fly, you don’t do drugs, and I wanted to fly.”
“I thought you were all about flouting the rules.” Rodney’s tone was sharp, but his mouth was soft and John wanted to touch it.
“Not rules like that. I know better than to fuck it up over something so pointless.”
“Right, why get in trouble for smoking a bowl, when you can disobey direct orders instead?”
John pulled away. “You don’t know anything about it,” he said, his voice subdued.
Rodney put a hand on his shoulder, and crawled over him. “I know a lot more than you realize. I’m sorry, I didn’t think before I spoke.”
“You never do.” John gave brief thought to being annoyed, but it was Rodney, and anyway, Rodney was right.
“So you seem less stoned,” Rodney said adjusting his weight so that he was straddling John without touching him anywhere.
John did a quick system check. “Yeah, it’s wearing off.”
“And you’re back in your rational mind?”
Things were still mildly fuzzy, and Rodney was still really hot, but honestly, John always thought Rodney was really hot, and the fuzziness felt nice. He reached up and pulled Rodney down until they were almost touching.
“Hey, Rodney,” John whispered, as soon as they were nose to nose.
“What?” Rodney whispered back.
“Once when I was a kid, I puked on the gravity ride at the fair,” John told him proudly. “It got all over everybody.”
Rodney blinked. “Well, that’s certainly the strangest pickup line I’ve ever heard.”
John grinned. “But it worked, didn’t it?”
“Well, it’s not like you had to try very hard.”
“Mmhm,” John said, not really paying attention anymore, because the curve of Rodney’s neck smelled like hay and yetl, and Rodney underneath. He nuzzled it, wondering if it would taste just as good.
“Colonel.” Rodney gasped sharply when John set his teeth in and bit down lightly - more of a promise than an actual bite. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
John smiled, truly happy because he had Rodney in the hay, and there was nothing better than that. “How come you never call me John?”
“Because I felt like it would blur the lines and be - oh! - inappropriate!”
“Yeah,” John said, doing a little exploring underneath Rodney’s shirt. “Wouldn’t want to be inappropriate.”
“Colonel -”
John stopped, and pulled his hand out of Rodney’s shirt - ignoring Rodney’s annoyed moan. “Are you really going to keep calling me that? Because I have kinks, but that’s not one of them.”
“Fine, Sheppard.” John frowned, and Rodney tried again. “John, okay? Is that good enough for you, John? Would you like me to say your name a few more times, John?”
“Nah.” John stretched out, resisting the urge to sink his hands into the hay. “I think you got it covered. Besides, I’m sure you’ll moan it enough later.”
There was a blur of movement, and Rodney landed on top of him before John even had a chance to track his movements. “You’re just so fucking cocky,” Rodney said, pressing hard kisses along John’s collarbone. “So. Fucking. Cocky.”
John arched up invitingly. “Feel free to see for yourself.”
“Mm, later.” Rodney’s busy hands pulled up John’s shirt, and started pinching John’s nipples, The tension inside of him tightened and coiled and tightened and coiled, until he felt like even a breath of air across his aching nipples might make him yell.
His hypothesis was proven correct a few seconds later, when Rodney leaned down and licked one of his nipples with a hot, rough, wet tongue, circling it firmly and then pulling off to blow a stream of cool air.
“Like that, hmmm?” Rodney asked, and he sounded smug, so smug, and if John ever got his vocabulary back, he’d be sure to tell Rodney so.
He started to bring his arms down to wrap them around Rodney’s neck, but Rodney stopped him with a firm kiss. “No,” he told John. “Leave them there, I like it.”
“What if I don’t?” John said, even though he really, really did.
Rodney looked down and grazed one finger over the head of his dick, still trapped in his BDUs. “I can see how much you hate it, yeah.”
“I’d hate it even more if I was naked,” John told him hopefully.
“Well, we can’t have you getting too happy.”
Rodney undid John’s BDUs and pulled down his shorts. John waited for something more, Rodney’s hand, or even better, Rodney’s mouth, but there was nothing, just the occasional soft breath brushing over the head.
“I’d hate it the most if you sucked me off,” he said. It’d worked once.
Rodney’s smirk wasn’t reassuring. “Don’t want to get you too upset there.”
“No, really, I deserve it,” John said, getting into it. “I’ve been bad! Punish me for my sins with a blowjob!”
Rodney stared at him. “When you said you had other kinks, you really weren’t kidding.”
“Rodney,” John said, losing patience, although this was a topic he’d be happy to revisit at another point. “Can you please just suck me off? We have to be back soon, and did I mention teenage fantasy?”
“I think I can handle that.” Rodney crawled backwards until he was crouched over John’s hips. “But remember what I said about those hands.”
John was willing to keep his hands wherever it took to get Rodney’s mouth around him, the mouth he’d been getting off to for months - Rodney’s wide, open, obnoxious, bitter, acerbic, brilliant, fucking wonderful mouth, which was now inching slowly down his cock.
“Jesus!” John said, flailing wildly at the hay under his arms, because Rodney wasn’t stopping, was just going down and down and down until there wasn’t any more down to go, and he was fully inside Rodney’s mouth. It figured that out of all the people out there who lacked a gag reflex, Rodney would be one of them.
Rodney pulled off - slowly, so fucking slowly, John was going to rip his hair out if he didn’t speed it the fuck up - and gave him a triumphant grin. “Want me to do it again?”
John glared. “Is that some kind of trick question?”
The chuckle was muffled against his thigh, but John felt the vibrations everywhere; his cock, his balls, even inside his ass, which was feeling hungrier and emptier than he could ever remember.
“Just now, okay?” John said, because he was starting to feel desperate, and while that was also something he’d be happy to revisit at another time, that time really wasn’t now, especially because they were running out of it. “Please?”
And then the mouth was around him again, hotter and wetter and even more fucking brilliant, and John looked down to see Rodney’s lips stretched over his cock, and Rodney looked back up and smiled with his eyes, just as he did something with his throat that almost had John coming right then and there.
He was torn between needing to come and wanting to enjoy it longer, but Rodney made the decision for him - bringing up one hand to fondle his balls, before tracing the unbelievably sensitive backsides, all the way up to his asshole. Just the hint of an exploratory finger was enough, and John came hard and fast, shooting into Rodney’s mouth and collapsing back into the hay, trying to remember how to breathe again.
He vaguely noticed the shuffling sounds of Rodney moving around, and Rodney tucking him back inside and redoing up his pants, but the world was blue sparkles - like the ones he saw after staring at the sun for too long. It was a pretty apt comparison for what Rodney did to him.
There was an impatient huff near his ear, and then Rodney put a hand on his shoulder, shaking lightly. “You all back from your trip to orgasm land?”
“That’d probably be a really cool place,” John mumbled. “Orgasm land.”
“Okay, clearly we’ll be staying here for a little bit longer.” Rodney joined him in the hay and John rolled closer, because Rodney still smelled really good.
“I can do you to, you know,” he said. “I want to.”
“I know.” Rodney played with the hair along the back of John’s neck, sending pleasant shivers down his spine. “Not now though. One of us has to stay alert, and Teyla and Ronon will probably be along at any moment.”
“Later though, right?”
Rodney snorted. “If you’ve been thinking any differently, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“Cool,” John mumbled sleepily, because he was warm and pressed up against a surprisingly cuddly Rodney, who was now stroking his broad palm down John’s back. “I’d like to have another thing coming.”
Rodney laughed. “You’re lucky I didn’t have my voice recorder with me today, Colonel.”
John would’ve answered, but Rodney was tracing over his lips, which still felt weird and squishy, but also felt kind of nice underneath Rodney’s fingers. “Can we kiss next time?” he asked, barely even awake anymore.
Rodney gave a quick look around to make sure nobody was coming. “We can kiss right now.” He leaned in and pressed a warm kiss against John’s mouth, and John responded clumsily. “Or we can wait until you wake up and try this again.”
“I’d like that,” John told him, and snuggled into Rodney’s shoulder.
chopchica: i always get asked for food porn
lcsbanana: I crave mushrooms tonight but can have none.
chopchica: do i give off foodporn vibes?
lcsbanana: APPARENTLY
chopchica: and MUSHROOMS?
lcsbanana: well, I don’t actually want foodporn
lcsbanana: just...food. and then porn.
lcsbanana: maybe they are on a mushroom planet!
chopchica: The Planet of the Mushrooms
lcsbanana: maybe they got HIGH.
chopchica: and they have sex under a giant MUSHROOM
lcsbanana: YES
lcsbanana: oh man
lcsbanana: that would be awesome
chopchica: and john starts getting all worried that a CATERPILLER is watching him
lcsbanana: ...I'm totally cracking up over here
lcsbanana: *dies*
Well, that didn't exactly happen, but there are mushrooms, and they do get high, and then there is sex, so I'm sure LC won't be crying too much! I'd also like to mention that first she asked for BACON, which I refused because I'm a vegetarian. I can't believe that apparently I will write all sorts of kinks, but bacon proved to be my downfall. So much for my open mind!
Oh, and the joke about Teyla's "people" completely and totally comes from makesmewannadie.
Feed Your Head
“All who join us must partake in the sacred yetl,” the Priestess told them.
John shrugged. Nothing new there. Sometimes he had dreams about a planet where they showed up and nothing weird happened - no running for their lives, no bug people, no ceremonial square dancing, just a normal mission where they could come home with some new form of grain.
“Yetl isn’t a secret name for snails, is it?” Rodney asked, poking at the slimy mass suspiciously.
“Tastes like mushrooms,” Ronon told them. His plate was already empty.
“Oh, well that’s not that bad then.” Rodney dug in, and John watched the blob of yetl reduce in size. “Actually, it’s pretty good.” He eyed John’s plate. “You gonna eat those?”
**
Yetl was pretty cool. In fact, everything was pretty cool; including the way the ceiling dipped and rose on its own, without even needing a pulley system. Ronon’s hair was cool, and his coat was even cooler. Idly John wondered if he could steal it and pretend he was Neo for the day.
Teyla was even cooler than Ronon, because she was doing all the talking, while John laid on his back and watched the windows switch places.
“We have never met anybody from Athos before,” the Priestess was telling Teyla.
Teyla hiccupped. “My people will be very grateful for any future relationship we may forge.”
“You know, whenever Teyla talks about ‘her people’,” Rodney (who wasn’t cool in the slightest, which probably made him the coolest of them all) confided, in what he thought was a quiet whisper - which meant that he was actually loud enough for the entire camp to hear him. “I always imagine she’s talking about her breasts.”
John winced, and waited for Teyla whip out her Fighting Sticks of Doom, but instead, something even stranger happened. Teyla giggled.
“I am in charge of my people!” she crowed, giggling even more. “My people are more important than my own comfort!” She grabbed for her breasts and fell off her chair. “I must go and consult with my people now!” she announced, as she crawled off into the corner.
“Colonel,” Rodney whispered even more loudly. His ears twitched alarmingly - kind of like a rabbit’s, John thought. “I think there was something in that yetl.”
“You think?” John asked him. It made a kind of sense, because probably Rodney’s shirt had never changed color like that before. “We should bring some back to Atlantis to get it tested out.” He frowned. Had he always sounded like that? “Atlaaaaahntis,” he tried again. “Atlaaaaaaaaahntis.”
“What on Earth are you doing?” Rodney asked him.
John ignored him, because this was becoming disturbing. Was he even qualified to be the leader if he couldn’t pronounce the name of the place where he lived? “Atlaaaah -”
“Oh, good god.” Rodney grabbed him right in the middle of his latest try. “We’re going out from some air,” he told the room at large and hauled John to his feet.
“But, Rodney,” John protested. “Teyla is busy with her people! Who’s gonna negotiate?”
“Ronon will. Right, Ronon?”
They both looked at Ronon, who had sculpted his hair into a vague resemblance of a bowl, and was currently busy trying to fill it with fruit.
“I trust you with my life,” John told Ronon solemnly. “And with the lives of everybody on Atlantis.” Ronon’s lips twitched and John wanted to smack his own mouth. “Atlaa -”
“Say one more syllable and regret it for the rest of your life,” Rodney warned him. John shut his mouth with a snap, because Rodney was scary with his eyes all silver and purple. Anyway, he could always practice on his own later.
.
“My people wish you well on your journey!” Telya called from her corner, letting go of her breasts long enough to wave at them happily.
**
“You know what’s cool?” John said.
Rodney snorted. “I can’t even begin to guess.”
“Lips.” John brought a hand up to feel them again - so weirdly squishy. “Lips are way cool.”
“Uh huh. You know what’s even cooler? Continuing to walk without stopping to fondle your lips.”
“What, would you rather I fondled yours?” John said without thinking.
Rodney froze, and John tried to figure out what had just happened. Nothing came to mind, and he shrugged and continued walking.
Rodney caught up with him a few steps later, still looking strange. “Do you even know where you’re going, Colonel?”
“Nope. I figure I’ll know it when I see it.” John tripped over a root, and ignored Rodney’s eye roll. “Disneyland would be pretty awesome though. You ever been to Disneyland, Rodney?”
Watching Rodney’s mouth go all twisty was one of John’s favorite things in life. “Yes, Colonel. In between receiving my numerous degrees, working inside of a secret mountain, being exiled to Siberia, and then relocating in *Antarctica*, I took in the time to see the sights - especially Thunder Mountain.”
John nodded sagely. “Good choice. Thunder Mountain rocked.”
“I don’t even know why I try,” Rodney muttered. “It’s even worse than having a conversation with you normally.” He grabbed John’s sleeve and towed him over to a pile of hay that had magically sprung up out of nowhere. “Now we are going to sit here very quietly until you’re back to your usually somewhat stoned self.”
John would’ve complained, but there was no point. The sun was out, the sky was blue, Ronon had killed the more irritating monkeys, and he was alone with Rodney. In fact, he was alone with Rodney in the middle of a pile of hay. It was just like all of his teenage fantasies come to life.
“This is just like my teenage fantasies come to life,” he told Rodney, whose mouth twisted even more.
“You had fantasies about hay?”
“I grew up in Nebraska.” Oh, crap. “Nebraaaa -”
“I swear to god, if you finish that word, even Ronon will never be able to find the body.”
“I just don’t get it,” John complained. “Why did nobody ever tell me I talk like that?”
Rodney shrugged. “Because then we’d lose our chance to make fun of you as soon as you left the room?”
“Oh, very funny.” John sat back in the hay and started at the sky. Then he turned his head and stared at Rodney’s nose. “Hey, how come you’re not all affected by the yetl like the rest of us?”
“I guess it’s just my superior system.” Rodney’s voice was just as arrogant as ever, but there was something in his face…
“Oh my god,” John realized, sitting up again in order to point an accusing finger. “It didn’t affect you because you’ve done it before!”
“Shh,” Rodney hissed, even though there was nobody around. “Do you really want to have this conversation right now?”
“You, you…” John tried to think of the worst word he could. “You *stoner*!”
Rodney rolled over to give him an incredulous look. “Did you really just condemn me for being a stoner? You?”
“Hey.” John was offended, and if he hadn’t been busy watching Rodney’s lips move, he might’ve even said so. “I think you’ve got the wrong idea about my past. If you want to fly, you don’t do drugs, and I wanted to fly.”
“I thought you were all about flouting the rules.” Rodney’s tone was sharp, but his mouth was soft and John wanted to touch it.
“Not rules like that. I know better than to fuck it up over something so pointless.”
“Right, why get in trouble for smoking a bowl, when you can disobey direct orders instead?”
John pulled away. “You don’t know anything about it,” he said, his voice subdued.
Rodney put a hand on his shoulder, and crawled over him. “I know a lot more than you realize. I’m sorry, I didn’t think before I spoke.”
“You never do.” John gave brief thought to being annoyed, but it was Rodney, and anyway, Rodney was right.
“So you seem less stoned,” Rodney said adjusting his weight so that he was straddling John without touching him anywhere.
John did a quick system check. “Yeah, it’s wearing off.”
“And you’re back in your rational mind?”
Things were still mildly fuzzy, and Rodney was still really hot, but honestly, John always thought Rodney was really hot, and the fuzziness felt nice. He reached up and pulled Rodney down until they were almost touching.
“Hey, Rodney,” John whispered, as soon as they were nose to nose.
“What?” Rodney whispered back.
“Once when I was a kid, I puked on the gravity ride at the fair,” John told him proudly. “It got all over everybody.”
Rodney blinked. “Well, that’s certainly the strangest pickup line I’ve ever heard.”
John grinned. “But it worked, didn’t it?”
“Well, it’s not like you had to try very hard.”
“Mmhm,” John said, not really paying attention anymore, because the curve of Rodney’s neck smelled like hay and yetl, and Rodney underneath. He nuzzled it, wondering if it would taste just as good.
“Colonel.” Rodney gasped sharply when John set his teeth in and bit down lightly - more of a promise than an actual bite. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
John smiled, truly happy because he had Rodney in the hay, and there was nothing better than that. “How come you never call me John?”
“Because I felt like it would blur the lines and be - oh! - inappropriate!”
“Yeah,” John said, doing a little exploring underneath Rodney’s shirt. “Wouldn’t want to be inappropriate.”
“Colonel -”
John stopped, and pulled his hand out of Rodney’s shirt - ignoring Rodney’s annoyed moan. “Are you really going to keep calling me that? Because I have kinks, but that’s not one of them.”
“Fine, Sheppard.” John frowned, and Rodney tried again. “John, okay? Is that good enough for you, John? Would you like me to say your name a few more times, John?”
“Nah.” John stretched out, resisting the urge to sink his hands into the hay. “I think you got it covered. Besides, I’m sure you’ll moan it enough later.”
There was a blur of movement, and Rodney landed on top of him before John even had a chance to track his movements. “You’re just so fucking cocky,” Rodney said, pressing hard kisses along John’s collarbone. “So. Fucking. Cocky.”
John arched up invitingly. “Feel free to see for yourself.”
“Mm, later.” Rodney’s busy hands pulled up John’s shirt, and started pinching John’s nipples, The tension inside of him tightened and coiled and tightened and coiled, until he felt like even a breath of air across his aching nipples might make him yell.
His hypothesis was proven correct a few seconds later, when Rodney leaned down and licked one of his nipples with a hot, rough, wet tongue, circling it firmly and then pulling off to blow a stream of cool air.
“Like that, hmmm?” Rodney asked, and he sounded smug, so smug, and if John ever got his vocabulary back, he’d be sure to tell Rodney so.
He started to bring his arms down to wrap them around Rodney’s neck, but Rodney stopped him with a firm kiss. “No,” he told John. “Leave them there, I like it.”
“What if I don’t?” John said, even though he really, really did.
Rodney looked down and grazed one finger over the head of his dick, still trapped in his BDUs. “I can see how much you hate it, yeah.”
“I’d hate it even more if I was naked,” John told him hopefully.
“Well, we can’t have you getting too happy.”
Rodney undid John’s BDUs and pulled down his shorts. John waited for something more, Rodney’s hand, or even better, Rodney’s mouth, but there was nothing, just the occasional soft breath brushing over the head.
“I’d hate it the most if you sucked me off,” he said. It’d worked once.
Rodney’s smirk wasn’t reassuring. “Don’t want to get you too upset there.”
“No, really, I deserve it,” John said, getting into it. “I’ve been bad! Punish me for my sins with a blowjob!”
Rodney stared at him. “When you said you had other kinks, you really weren’t kidding.”
“Rodney,” John said, losing patience, although this was a topic he’d be happy to revisit at another point. “Can you please just suck me off? We have to be back soon, and did I mention teenage fantasy?”
“I think I can handle that.” Rodney crawled backwards until he was crouched over John’s hips. “But remember what I said about those hands.”
John was willing to keep his hands wherever it took to get Rodney’s mouth around him, the mouth he’d been getting off to for months - Rodney’s wide, open, obnoxious, bitter, acerbic, brilliant, fucking wonderful mouth, which was now inching slowly down his cock.
“Jesus!” John said, flailing wildly at the hay under his arms, because Rodney wasn’t stopping, was just going down and down and down until there wasn’t any more down to go, and he was fully inside Rodney’s mouth. It figured that out of all the people out there who lacked a gag reflex, Rodney would be one of them.
Rodney pulled off - slowly, so fucking slowly, John was going to rip his hair out if he didn’t speed it the fuck up - and gave him a triumphant grin. “Want me to do it again?”
John glared. “Is that some kind of trick question?”
The chuckle was muffled against his thigh, but John felt the vibrations everywhere; his cock, his balls, even inside his ass, which was feeling hungrier and emptier than he could ever remember.
“Just now, okay?” John said, because he was starting to feel desperate, and while that was also something he’d be happy to revisit at another time, that time really wasn’t now, especially because they were running out of it. “Please?”
And then the mouth was around him again, hotter and wetter and even more fucking brilliant, and John looked down to see Rodney’s lips stretched over his cock, and Rodney looked back up and smiled with his eyes, just as he did something with his throat that almost had John coming right then and there.
He was torn between needing to come and wanting to enjoy it longer, but Rodney made the decision for him - bringing up one hand to fondle his balls, before tracing the unbelievably sensitive backsides, all the way up to his asshole. Just the hint of an exploratory finger was enough, and John came hard and fast, shooting into Rodney’s mouth and collapsing back into the hay, trying to remember how to breathe again.
He vaguely noticed the shuffling sounds of Rodney moving around, and Rodney tucking him back inside and redoing up his pants, but the world was blue sparkles - like the ones he saw after staring at the sun for too long. It was a pretty apt comparison for what Rodney did to him.
There was an impatient huff near his ear, and then Rodney put a hand on his shoulder, shaking lightly. “You all back from your trip to orgasm land?”
“That’d probably be a really cool place,” John mumbled. “Orgasm land.”
“Okay, clearly we’ll be staying here for a little bit longer.” Rodney joined him in the hay and John rolled closer, because Rodney still smelled really good.
“I can do you to, you know,” he said. “I want to.”
“I know.” Rodney played with the hair along the back of John’s neck, sending pleasant shivers down his spine. “Not now though. One of us has to stay alert, and Teyla and Ronon will probably be along at any moment.”
“Later though, right?”
Rodney snorted. “If you’ve been thinking any differently, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“Cool,” John mumbled sleepily, because he was warm and pressed up against a surprisingly cuddly Rodney, who was now stroking his broad palm down John’s back. “I’d like to have another thing coming.”
Rodney laughed. “You’re lucky I didn’t have my voice recorder with me today, Colonel.”
John would’ve answered, but Rodney was tracing over his lips, which still felt weird and squishy, but also felt kind of nice underneath Rodney’s fingers. “Can we kiss next time?” he asked, barely even awake anymore.
Rodney gave a quick look around to make sure nobody was coming. “We can kiss right now.” He leaned in and pressed a warm kiss against John’s mouth, and John responded clumsily. “Or we can wait until you wake up and try this again.”
“I’d like that,” John told him, and snuggled into Rodney’s shoulder.