Amria Chapter Four
When the Japanese mend broken objects,
they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.
They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.
~Barbara Bloom
ang
The sun was shining on his face.
He shrunk into the covers, feeling too exposed as if the beams would reveal too much vulnerability. Dean could handle a lot of shit. In a twisted way, he could handle the beating, the abuse and the random attacks towards him. Apparently the crux of the deal was when the curse endangered others. After Sam got hurt he wanted to pack up and leave. If he wasn’t so drugged up on pain medication and Missouri's herbal mojo he’d have attempted to hotwire the car. Knowing Bobby, it was probably ridged to make sure that the Impala wasn’t going anywhere.
Sam was still asleep beside him. He was on his side, his back arched as he curled in on himself.
“Your brother’s gonna be fine, kid.” Bobby slowly walked towards him, handed him a steaming cup. “You on the other hand--”
“I’m fine, Bobby.” Dean took a sip, relished the warmth.
“You look like you’re about to jump ship...” Bobby picked up a book, and opened it. “Which, by the way, would be pointless. You won’t get very far, not with me, Sam, a physic on your tail.”
“Yeah. Figured as much.”
Dean lifted the undershirt off his chest, fanned himself. Tang of a dry, nervous sweat wafted to his nose. It wasn’t the first time Dean had been scared, sometimes that’s what kept them alive. But this was a different kind of scared. It was the scared he saw in the eyes of all the people they faced in the past, all the lost souls in hell. The cold fear and the fright-filled desperation. Not just for himself now, but for Sam, who he’d also put in danger. Dean felt a chill in his body that was worse than a chill of death. It was a chill of total helplessness; no hope.
Missouri appeared out of nowhere, lightly squeezed him on the shoulder, drawing his attention from his thoughts.
“We’ll fix this.” She said with such certainty he looked up at her in disbelief.
“How can you know that?”
“Faith, Dean.”
“Right.” He replied, dragged a calloused hand over his face.
“Faith makes things possible, Dean, not easy.”
Bobby was at the laptop when he next woke. He didn't even remember falling asleep and wondered what Missouri had put in the tea.
“Sam?”
“He’s out running errands for me, honey.” Missouri announced. She was sitting along side Bobby on the table across the room. There were open books, hex bags and discarded weapons everywhere.
Dean heard the shuffle of feet as Bobby got up and walked to the small kitchenette. He heard the mini fridge open and close, the clink-clank of rattling bottles. “Pills are on the bedside table on your right. Here’s some water.” He placed a chilled plastic bottle on the table to his left between the two beds.
Dean groaned. He needed to piss, sooner rather than later. But his legs, unused, felt like spaghetti and his pride wasn’t helping one bit.
“When’s he back?” Dean barked. It came out sharper than he meant it to, it definitely had bite.
“I donno, kid. He left not long ago. Could be an hour, maybe two?” Bobby turned to Missouri.
“I’d say at least an hour.” She replied.
It was silent before Bobby spoke up again. “You need anything?”
“No.” Dean spat.
“’Kay. Well then I guess I’ll get back to my research.”
Dean pushed away sweat soaked sheets, shivered when his chest was exposed to an air-conditioned chill. He forced quivering muscles to work and tried to sit up; cursed as he fell back to the bed. If he tried that again, he was sure of one of two things; he'd pass out or piss himself, probably both simultaneously at the rate he was going. Dean finally bit the bullet and swallowed his pride.
“I gotta piss.” Dean announced out loud.
Bobby got up and walked over to him. “Was wondering when you’d ask.”
The trip to the bathroom was reasonably quick but excruciatingly painful not just for his bruised ego, but his entire body throbbed with intense bouts of pain. As he settled back in bed, he dismissed the bottle of water Bobby held out to him because water would mean another trip and another trip like that he wanted to avoid.
His phone lit up and vibrated to the edge of bedside table. He stretched over to it, bit down against the ache in his muscles and caught his cell before it fell.
“Sam?”
“Hey, I found some info from one of the girls here at the dinner. Sophia used to write a lot, apparently kept a diary. You ever seen it?”
Dean shifted uncomfortably. Wiped a hand over his mouth before he replied. “Yeah. She kept a diary, wrote in it everyday. But it’s no use, her family have it.”
“Yeah, thought they would. I’m gonna get the address-“
“No, Sam. Stay away from them. Promise me you won’t go there on your own?”
There was a pause. “Okay... but we don’t really have much choice,” the silence was prickly. “Look, I’m on my way back, we’ll talk more later.”
Dean stared at the illuminated screen till it faded to black. Sam was right, they would have to go to the Costello’s, it was inevitable. Bella was the key to all of this, he knew it just as he knew what he had to do. But he’d have to be mobile and he couldn’t do it alone.
"Hey Bobby," Dean rubbed his face. "Missouri." He looked towards her. "I'm gonna need your help. We need a compass, shovels and a torch. We're going digging."
He was up and mobile thanks to huge amounts codeine, caffeine and raw determination. Sam grabbed his the arm, helped him stay upright on some uneven ground, he shook his brother off and grit his teeth as he fought against vertigo. Pride also played a big part in his mobility. When they'd reached a gathering of tall maple trees that led into a dense forest, they parked the Impala and trekked the rest of the way on foot. Dean thought they should head for the stream. It was the closest point he could be sure of. Then they'd head west it from there.
"How much longer?" Bobby asked. He switched the shovels from one hand to another.
"A mile, maybe two." Dean replied. He had to give them credit, they'd all gone along with the plan, head first and completely blind. He hadn't given them much to go on, just that they needed to dig and find something that Sophia may have left behind. And that was it. That was all it took to have all four of them trudging through dense forest in the middle of nowhere.
"Good job I brought my walking shoes." Missouri quipped.
Dean made no comment, they deserved to gripe, moan and question as much as they wanted to. The trust they had in him made his chest tighten, a crushing, pulling feeling in his throat as the lump formed and his eyes glazed. He took a deep breath in and composed himself.
Wading through the shrubs, bushes and trees was like wading through a stream of memories.
"We're almost there. " Dean said.
Sam looked at him, nodded and kept his pace.
They walked patiently for ten minutes, stopping at the edge of the stream.
Den pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You okay, kid?" Bobby has a hand on the small of his back.
"We need to head west from here. I can't give you an exact locale but I'll know when we're there." Dean stated. "I'm sorry."
Sam looked at him, frowned. "What for?"
Dean didn't trust himself to speak. Everything he felt all those years ago, the loneliness, Sophia and their short-lived companionship, it hit him with an avalanche of emotions.
"Oh, Child. You've got nothing to be sorry about. I needed the exercise. Plus its so peaceful out here." Missouri hooked Bobby's arm, pointed with the other. "That way, you said?"
Dean nodded.
"Let's get to it."
Sam hoovered on his left. "You good?" he asked softy.
"I will be."
~}{~
His muscles burned and trembled under his own weight. He was lagging behind. After fifteen minutes of agonizing walking, he excepted Sam's hand. It was dark, the moon solely claiming the sky. Dean stepped into a ditch, sent a shot of pain through his body. He squeezed his eyes tight , and opened his mouth in a silent scream. Sam waited it out and took his weight. When Dean could pull in enough air to see straight they continued moving.
"It's here." Dean announced. "This is it. We need to start digging."
"Dean, what are we looking for?" Sam asked.
"A bottle."
An hour and twenty seven minutes after they started digging, it rained. It didn't ease into it, no drizzle or shower, there was no four play involved whatsoever, it poured like there was no tomorrow.
Digging turned into swimming and wading through sludge. A needle in a haystack would have been alot easier and less messy to find.
Sam slipped and went face first into the wet soil. "Sammy, you alright?"
He didn't respond, his brother sluggishly got on his hands and knees and stared at the ground before him, face covered in mud. "I found it." He said.
"Atta boy, Sammy."
The bottle was filthy but still intact. Dean wiped some mud off with his thumb, saw the curl of frayed pages under the glass and smiled.
"So lemme get this straight." Sam Said.
“Sophia was a Romany witch?”
“Apparently so. The most powerful of their kind, she had magic beyond our beliefs. She could see the future the past and present. She had front row seats, the director to a premier of her life and anyone else who came into contact with her. She could whisper into the wind and change the direction of events. Power like that should not be taken lightly. From reading through Sophia diary she knew this.”
“But the curse broke her sight?” Bobby, asked.
“No. It only hindered it for a while. Sophia knew her sister would do what she did. And she also knew it would return.”
Dean shifted uncomfortably. His face saddened, he knew where Missouri was going with her explanation. He'd read Sophia's diary before, a long time ago with her permission, but this time felt wrong and intrusive.
Missouri sighed. "She changed her own destiny by stopping it completely."
Sam shook his head. It was a lot to take in. Missouri kept one page and folded it, then folder it again. She dug a hand into her bag and pulled out an envelope that held some old pennies. She emptied the content into her purse, slid the folder paper inside, sealed it.
"This one is for Bella." Missouri said as she handed it to Dean.
Dean took the white envelope and looked at it blankly. He didn't think he'd be seeing Bella anytime soon, apparently Missouri thought otherwise.
"And it looks like she wrote this one for us." Missouri handed Sam the last tattered unread page.
"This is freaky." Sam announced and he passed it over to Bobby.
Bobby read it pinched the bridge f his nose. "I need a drink." He said
Dean took the last page and read it:
"Dear Diary,
As I bare my soul on paper, I hope to tie up some unanswered questions. I only hope those reading know I did what I did for the benefit of others, especially my family. I saw a dark cloud coming, a storm that would destroy everything, I had to put an end to it.
The psychic is right, it is too much power for one person. I am only human afteral. A human who wants so badly to live like one.
Dean I'm so glad you found your family, I knew you would. Don't ever stop spreading your wings. You showed me how to fly again and I can't ever thank you enough for that. Well I can and I will. Watch the sunrise and watch me dance. Listen to the sparrow and hear me sing. Walk against the wind and feel my touch. I'm free at last.
Sam, 'witch' is such a harsh word, so many negative connotations. I don't think anyone has the right to harm another without reason. Besides I prefer badass-fortune-teller. If you really think about it, we all place 'curses' on our selves maybe without even knowing, Self criticism - a curse of modern life? I could go on but I don't have enough time. Sam, I wish I could have met you in person, takecare of your brother.
I think you all understand how important family is. So please take this to my family, they need to know the truth. I think they are finally ready to see. Break the curse Bella has placed on you, Dean and live.
I may not have been able to break my own curse, but I can make sure others are free from their own.
Sophia."
Dean shot upwards, panting heavily from a nightmare. Rivets of sweat streamed rapidly down his face and his heart felt like it was about to burst from his chest.
He looked to his side to see if he’d woken Sam, Bobby or Missouri. They all appeared to be deep in sleep, Sam was stretched out on his side next to him, his breathing remained slow and steady. Missouri had the other bed. And Bobby was on the roll out.
He slid out of the covers carefully, hovered slightly so he didn't make the floorboards creek. He floated towards the door opened it quietly and slipped out without a sound, then he stepped on the cemented floor, relishing in the feel of the coolness on his bare feet. He wriggled his toes and stretched his unused muscles as they protested painfully.
He hadn't checked the time but by the tint and colour of the sky, indicated it was dawn and almost sunrise.
Dean knew he was taking a risk being outside, the view in front of him made it worth it. If someone could have painted hope, it would have looked like the sunrise he was about to witness.
He was alone for almost two minutes before Bobby appeared next to him. The old hunter stretched silently and took a seat on the floor beside him. They didn't talk. Didn't move, they simply watched the sun. They watched the jubilant rays for two hours as it claimed the sky. Dean finally got up, held out a hand to Bobby who took it.
"Coffee?" He asked.
"Make it a strong one." Dean replied and slipped back in.
They had half a day to kill. It felt like a month.
They'd all quietened down after reading Sophia's missing diary pages. Sam and Bobby had their heads stuck in old books and Missouri was in the small kitchenette.
Their silence was harmonized by the wisping drone of the air conditioning unit. The air was sweet, warm and spicy. Missouri plated up some takeout while Sam opened a couple of bottles from the mini fridge.
Dean took the bottle and rolled it over his forehead. He verbally sighed before he took a long gulp.
“Here you are, honey.” Missouri placed a plate of steaming chow mien on his lap, she brushed his shoulder gently before she drifted over to Bobby to hand him his. They ate in silence. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. The four of them had been stuck with each other for the last four days, thanks to him had seen a whole heap of crazy shit, yet first time in a long time he felt at ease, light at the end of the tunnel was finally in sight. He had his friends, his family around him and it felt good.
When they finished eating, they played a game of poker. Unsurprisingly Missouri won the first game.
“It’s not cheating, it’s a natural gift.” She replied in her defence.
Outnumbered, she was disqualified and it came down to just two of them as Sam had fallen asleep on the chair.
Bobby played a good game, but Dean played better.
Come mid afternoon they got ready to leave and make their way to the Costello's. Sam was convinced it would go smoothly after they saw their daughters diary. But Dean wasn't so sure.
The Costello's lived on the outskirts of town five miles away from the forest and stream where they'd found Sophia's missing pages. It was quiet and peaceful but zealously hot for a late afternoon.
Dean swiped at a gnat fly hovering over his face. Sam was on his left while Bobby and Missouri lead the way to a group of parked caravans clustered together on some flat land.
A tall dark haired man watched them with piercing eyes from his foldout chair. He gestured to a young boy playing with a water gun. The boy stared at them blankly before running ahead and into the Costello's trailer.
Before they reached the door, an old woman, petite and with curly brown hair came out spoke to the Boy who ran off in the other direction.
"I am Maja." The woman said.
"Missouri." Missouri held out her hand. "This is Bobby and Sam and Dean Winchester."
Maja's brown eyes settled on him inquisitively.
"I've heard alot about you, Dean Winchester. You knew my Sophia."
"Yes, I'm sorry for your loss." Dean replied, he didn't like the way his voice sounded. It said too much.
Missouri stepped in and got straight to business.
“Maja, I understand and feel for your loss, but to curse an innocent man for something he could not have done anything about is not right and unfair. From what I know about the Roma, you are not unjust with your magic.” Missouri stepped forward. “This man, Dean Winchester is a hunter, he has saved countless of lives including my own.”
Missouri clasped Sophia’s mothers hand. “Sophia was a wonderful young woman, I am sure…but she was also troubled. She took her own life. It was her choice, Dean cannot be to blame for what happened to her.”
Maja shook her head and stepped away, pulled her hand from Missouri. “You do not know what you’re talking about. You may have the gift of sight but you have no right to make such speculations about my Sophia.”
Maja clucked her lips in disgust. “No right at all.” She blurted.
“Maja, I know you know this. It hurts but I can see the truth in your heart. Denial will not bring Sophia back.”
"Lies." A woman stepped out of the trailer. Charged towards them. "How dare you come here with lies."
Missouri shook her head. Reached into her bag and handed over the pages missing from Sophia's diary to Maja who took them willingly.
The woman read the first page and turned away, a tear rolled down her face. She stood frozen while she continued to read. Her back still faced to Missouri when she replied, “We will undo the curse.” Her voice was so broken Dean could hardly make out the words.
“Thank you.” Missouri placed a hand on her shoulder. “Time will heal.” She said moving away from the lady.
Bella remained still. Face pinched and filled with rage. "Bella, I will not ask you again. Undo what you have done...You have shamed us enough."
The last words appeared to pierce through her as her expression fragmented. With shaky hands, she reached into her pocket and pulled out what looked like a piece of bark, it was spilt down the middle into two. A metal coil held it together on one end. She dropped to her knees and collected some soil with her hand. Bella took a deep breath before reciting something in Rom. She finished by lighting it aflame and resting it onto the ground.
"It's done." She said. Her face covered sweat and tears.
"You lost your soul for this, Bella?" Her mother walked towards her and shook her head. With her hand flat, she slapped Bella across the face, shook her head in disgust and walked away.
Dean watched unable to move. He should have been happy. Instead his felt numb to the core.
Sam broke him from his trace with an arm on his shoulder. "Let's go, Dean." He said, pulled him away.
Dean turned and began walk. He stopped suddenly, sighed and turned back towards the crying girl sprawled out on the ground.
"This is for you. You should read it." He said and walked away.
Bella stare at the dog-eared envelope on the table. Dean told her she should read it. She knew who it was from, had an inkling on what it may have been about but she sat the frozen unable to even to touch it.
After an hour, she wiped her tears, stood and swiped the envelope, slowly peeling it open, and taking more care than was needed. She unfolded the torn and tattered piece of paper. The first line had her still in the middle of the room.
Dear Diary/Bella,
I knew you’d be reading this and this page is specifically for you big sis.
I’ve looked up to you since I can remember. I wanted to be just like my big sister. You will and always will be my big sister and nothing, not even mortality will change that. It’s just a shame you never had that same love for yourself, Bella. I guess I have enough towards you for both of us.
I read something the other day; I know this will speak volumes for you:
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value.
If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences.
Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.
I can’t say this enough, I love you. Mama may not have told you enough, but I will never get tired of reminding you.
I’ve known all along and I want to tell you its okay, I forgive you.
I've seen you, where you never were,
And where you never will be,
And yet within that very place,
You can be seen by me.
For to tell what they do not know,
Is the art of the Romany.
All my love,
Sophia
Warm rays serenaded his blistered bare back. Dusky gold beams decorated the bleached white sheets.
A strong, acidic aroma wafted its way to his nose, familiar and pleasant; he turned his face to his side and took in a deep breath in.
“Sorry,” Sam said. “Thought you’d be out for the count for a couple more hours.” He lifted the polystyrene cup and sighed. “Want some?”
“’sit black?” Dean asked cotton mouth and dry lips worked hard to push the words out.
“Freshly ground.” Sam replied as he offered his brother a small whiff. A couple of seconds later the steaming brew was pressed into his grip and guided towards his lips.
Dean took a small sip. It scorched his unused throat on its way down. The second mouth full was smooth and satisfying. He hungrily drank the remainder in three huge gulps.
Suppressed the burp that bubbled its way up, he sheepishly handed the empty cup back to his brother and shrugged. “Sorry. Guess that makes us even.”
Sam forced a smile that didn’t last long. He gazed at him silently for a second before he spoke. “How you feeling?”
“Like shit on toast.”
“Sounds…pleasant. Wana elaborate a lil?”
“Not really. What I’d like to do is get more coffee, piss, shower and shave.” Dean ran a hand over his jaw. “How long have I been out anyway?”
“About a two days on and off.”
“That’ll explain why my stomach feels like a vacuum. Dude, I’m fucking starving.”
“Good to see you with an appetite. You haven’t eaten for a while and the stuff Missouri gave you is pretty strong so we’ll start with soup and crackers. Take it from there if you can manage it.”
“Did you hear what I said, Sammy? I’m hungry, for FOOD. Real food. Soup ain’t gonna cut it, ‘sides I feel fine.” Dean rubbed his stomach and crept to the edge of the bed, sliding his legs over.
Sam ignored him completely and arranged the selection of cans out on the table.
“Tomato, chicken noodle, mushroom or minestrone?” He said, placing a hand on his hip.
Dean pinched the tip of his nose and groaned. ‘Fine’ was turning into a headache thanks to Sam. He didn’t reply, just glared at his brother.
“Chicken it is.” Sam said, as he packed away the other cans and began preparing the soup.
Dean took a couple of deep breaths, wiggled his toes against the stained shagpile carpet. He stretched them and contemplated if they’d carry him to the bathroom.
“Gimme a second and I’ll give you a hand.” Sam bellowed. He wound the dial on the microwave, turned it on and rushed over to him.
“I won’t give you a hard time about it.” Dean said, he held out his hand and waited for Sam to grab it.
“A hard time about?”
“You being a mother hen, for one. Tables turned I’d probably be the same.”
“You’d be worse.” Sam stated.
They were at the door after ten long gruelling steps. Dean took a few seconds to catch his breath. Sam had taken a step back to give him space. “I’m good.” Dean announced, bobbing his head in confirmation.
“Thanks for you know…the curse…and. Having my back and stuff--“
“Let me help me sum this up for you: what you’re trying to say is I’m the best brother in the world?”
“Fuck. You’re the most annoying, whining ass, stubborn son of bitch that also happens to be the best younger brother a guy could ask for. So yeah. Guess that about sums it up.”
“Wow, that’s a skill right there.”
“You’ve always been able to compliment and insult in one sentence.”
“I learned from the best, Sammy.”
-
The End