Matchless Match [Stargate Atlantis, Emmagen/McKay, all audiences]

Sep 16, 2007 20:20

Title: Matchless Match
Author: apple_pi
Rating: All audiences
Warnings: None
Word count: ~2600
Summary: On P4J-339, Rodney and Teyla were married by a shamanic-looking high priest with dreadlocks that fell in thin twists to the backs of his knees. It was a small ceremony, with Sheppard laughing silently in a corner, Ronon looking enviously at the priest's hair, and Rodney physically biting the inside of his cheek.
A/N: The prompt was: Teyla/Rodney: Pretend to be married or partners (het or gen) - "Be bold. If you're going to make an error, make a doozey, and don't be afraid to hit the ball." -- Billie Jean King The title is the last line in the "Matchmaker" song from "Fiddler on the Roof," if you're curious.

~*~

On P4J-339, Rodney and Teyla were married by a shamanic-looking high priest with dreadlocks that fell in thin twists to the backs of his knees. It was a small ceremony, with Sheppard laughing silently in a corner, Ronon looking enviously at the priest's hair, and Rodney physically biting the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from telling everyone on the miserable, stupid, backward, superstitious planet just how moronic their beliefs were, starting with the one that must decree dental hygiene taboo, ending with the one that said only married females would be allowed to speak, much less negotiate for root vegetables. Teyla had looked curious and said, "No, I am unwed" to what had seemed a simple courtesy question; the carnival of farce had begun there and ended here, with Rodney somehow in the groom's traditional hideous-smelling leather cape, Sheppard smirking in the shadows of the meeting hall, Ronon tugging disconsolately at his own sad locks. And Teyla's hand on Rodney's arm, warm and still, patting him gently, occasionally.

On M2A-009, Rodney and Teyla pretended to be married. Ronon had claimed Sheppard first, jerking him quickly to his side when the paired-up village elders came to greet them. Well, it wasn't like Rodney wanted to marry the sentient-haired freak, anyway (either of 'em), but he was surprised by how easily Teyla's arm slipped through his, and her amused smile as they learned that yes, the Roosna Alliku were happy to welcome those who acknowledged the bonds of adulthood. Teyla lied easily about their three children (as approximately 700 dirty-faced little urchins stared up at Rodney, able to sense, perhaps, an easy mark - or someone who whined as much as them, Sheppard said), and Ronon wrapped a meaty arm around Sheppard's shoulders and rumbled "We're still trying." No one batted an eye, and Rodney blinked and wasn't terribly surprised when the power source he'd wanted to investigate turned out to be an Ancient babymaker - some sort of procreative machine with bonus womb included.

The Roosna Alliku were reluctant to part with it, but willing to allow other "properly paired" Lanteans come and learn of their marvelous technology. (They offered to help Sheppard and Ronon out, first, and Rodney felt Teyla's hand clutch at his arm in a paroxysm of mirth as Sheppard stammered out some sort of stilted denial. Rodney squeezed Teyla's hand back, and leaned down to whisper into her ear: "Can you imagine the hair that kid would have?")

On P87-449, they were warned ahead of time that a powerful matrilineal society held sway; Teyla calmly informed the presiding queen that she had taken all three of the men on her team for herself. "This, though," Teyla said, drawing Rodney forward with a hand on his elbow, "is my primary husband. I would be pleased if you allowed him to see the temple machinery himself; he is not entirely stupid, and has some small skill with such things." Her tone indicated exactly what she thought of such vain, idle pursuits, and the queen nodded, waving a regal hand. Rodney closed his mouth abruptly when Teyla caught his eye; affection and warning, and he ducked his head and followed the woman who led him away, Sheppard slouching along behind him, smirking. (When Rodney caused trouble later, as he inevitably did, Teyla told the queen in a clear, world-weary voice, that it was only to be expected - men were, after all, so often over-emotional, and no doubt her Rodney was simply overtired. To Rodney's chagrin - and Sheppard and Ronon's absolute glee - the queen thoughtfully acknowledged the truth of this claim, and did not behead Rodney for telling her chief priestess exactly how stupid it was to repeatedly pour ceremonial wine over the 10,000-year-old electrical altar to the Ancestors.)

On PY3-819, Rodney had to marry Ronon. He threw Sheppard a dirty look for having claimed Teyla. "I always get to marry Teyla!" Rodney hissed, stripping hurriedly for the mass wedding ceremony being celebrated that afternoon by the all-naked, all-the-time Dzibilchaltun. Sheppard shrugged and dropped his shirt onto the crumpled pile of pants and weaponry.

"I'm tired of being married to Ronon," he smirked. "Always get a crick in the neck from having to stare adoringly up at him."

To make matters worse, Rodney and Ronon had to stand behind Sheppard and Teyla at the ceremony; Rodney knew there was no way that staring at Teyla's incredibly gorgeous body wasn't going to get him into trouble, so he had to look at Sheppard's skinny ass for 45 minutes as a (hairy, unattractive, argument-for-clothing-if-ever-there-was-one) priest or reverend or something mumbled his way through a liturgy that made no sense, was dull as dishwater, and was possibly not even in a language Rodney could understand. The feast portion afterward was pretty good, though, even if eating hot things while buck naked did seem kind of risky. Rodney didn't drip any sauce onto any delicate parts, and if he stared a little at Teyla's breasts, well, she was right across the table from him, and also, the tablecloth hid anything incriminating. "The furniture gets more coverage than we do," Rodney complained to Ronon.

Ronon grunted in reply. "Try that pink cake thing," he said, and Rodney did, looking resolutely away as Teyla laughed at something Sheppard said, everything bouncing slightly.

On MH7-349 ("What is it with places that end in a nine?" Rodney lamented), Rodney got to marry Teyla again. Unfortunately, they were supposed to go off and consummate things in a paper-thin tent afterward, and show some evidence. "Oh Jesus Christ," Rodney said, dropping his head into his hands.

"Do not worry," Teyla told him. And it was easy enough, in fact, to jump up and down on the bed with her, trying not to giggle as they grew breathless and rumpled the covers, and then wince and look away as she used a small knife to cut her leg, wiping the blood onto a strategic bit of sheet. "There," she said, "that is believable, is it not?"

Rodney looked back at her, serenely folding the knife away again. "Yes, I - thank you," he said. "You're so - you always."

She cocked her head at him. "What?" she asked gently.

Rodney shook his head. "You just always know the right thing to do," he replied, feeling like an idiot, not something he enjoyed, so he frowned down at his feet. He jumped, then, when she came close and pushed her hands through his hair quickly.

"You did not look - mussed," she said, and he met her eyes. She was smiling, looking slightly unsure. "I assure you," she said, touching his wrist, "I often do not know what to do." The charade was greeted outside the tent with applause, Sheppard looking a little green around the gills, Ronon looking mildly approving as he indicated the barrows full of grain the Lanteans were to cart home.

On P77-989, Teyla got shot in the thigh, and Sheppard and Ronon were separated from them, and Rodney carried Teyla through four miles of rough, wooded territory, avoiding hunting parties and feeling nothing but panic and rage as Teyla grew quieter and quieter, the bandages Rodney kept applying soaking through alarmingly fast. They made it to the Stargate and came through into chaos, the jumper bay opening irising open overhead, Sheppard's pale face and Ronon's furious one appearing in the infirmary after they'd restowed the puddlejumper they had been in on their way back to the planet to find Rodney and Teyla. Rodney was sitting beside Teyla's bed, holding her hand, and Ronon actually pulled him up and hugged him before letting him drop back into the chair. Sheppard touched Rodney's back, then went to sit beside Ronon on the other side of the bed. When Teyla woke up, hazy with Keller's painkillers and grey beneath the bronze of her skin, she smiled at Rodney. "You were very brave," she said.

"I mostly just wanted to cry," Rodney said, clutching her hand.

"Rodney did good," Sheppard said. "You'd lost a lot of blood - I don't know if Ronon and I would've gotten back in time."

Teyla nodded and squeezed Rodney's hand, very softly. "I believe I liked planets that end with a nine better when I was merely forced to marry you," she said, and closed her eyes again.

"Me, too," Rodney said, and put his head down on the side of the mattress, still holding her hand, tired beyond tired.

He felt Sheppard's light touch on his shoulder, Ronon's firmer grasp, and then Sheppard said, "C'mon, Ronon, let's go get enough food for all three of us from the mess, bring it back." They left, and Rodney was left alone with the soft chirps of the medical equipment and Teyla's steady breathing, the cool clasp of her hand in his.

On MW9-999 ("Quadruple threat," Sheppard said, and Rodney wasn't even sure if he was joking), it was Rodney's turn. There was a feast, and a lot of really good food. And something that looked and had tasted almost like a squash but clearly was not, because one bite had Rodney standing up, pale and panicked, digging through his pockets for his epi-pen and trying not to topple over. It didn't matter, though, that he was panicked, because Teyla was seated right beside him and before he could do more than shake her shoulder roughly, she had stood and was catching him, easing him onto the floor, grabbing the epi-pen from his shaking fingers, pushing the needle into his thigh. Ronon carried him over a field back to the jumper, Sheppard racing ahead to get it open and started, Teyla hurrying beside them, one hand on his chest, eyes meeting his as best as she could with the darkness and Ronon's jolting stride and his own terrified blinking, breath wheezing in and out, itching all over, trembling with the epinephrine and his own fear.

He was all right, though - the epinephrine and antihistamines saw to that, the hives fading quickly, breath easing with an oxygen mask and inhalants. The trembling went on for a while, though. "All that adrenaline," Rodney said too quickly to Teyla when they took off the mask at last, replaced it with those annoying little nose tubes. "Panic response, and then adrenaline, epinephrine is adrenaline, too, or like it, speeds everything up." She nodded and reached for his hand. "I can't stop shaking," he said.

"Or talking," she teased, and he rolled his eyes - god, he hurt all over, his muscles ached, even rolling his eyes hurt.

"That shouldn't be anything new," he replied, sagging deeper into the bed, shaking and shaking and wishing it would stop. "Feels like my heart's going to beat right through my chest." He rubbed a trembling thumb over her fingers. "Thank you. I mean - you were so good, and I just - thank you."

"I am glad you are going to be all right," Teyla said, eyes solemn and clear, and she leaned down and placed her forehead to his. "You should rest."

"I can't," Rodney said, but he stopped talking and sat with her, shaking all over like a leaf.

On Atlantis one day, Rodney kissed Teyla. It wasn't a special occasion, but he had taken to walking back to the personnel quarters with her after dinner, Teyla pacing lightly along, Rodney talking and gesturing as they walked, telling her about lab issues or proposed missions or Sheppard's latest method of cheating at chess or Ronon's newfound ambition to grow his dreadlocks to his waist. Teyla was a good listener, and she sometimes gave Rodney good advice about the people in his lab, or the people on planets they were considering visiting, or those they had visited before.

And it was just - she looked so pretty, and alert, and she'd just said something nice about Simpson - which, really, was so typically Teyla, finding something nice to say about that spawn of Satan who'd stolen all Rodney's whiteboard markers again - and Rodney didn't know he was going to do it until he did it. He just leaned down and kissed her, one hand on her face.

Of course, then he jumped back and stared at her with wide, horrified eyes. "Oh my god, I have no idea what I, I'm so - oh my god." He wasn't even shouting. He was too horrified at himself.

She looked startled, as well, but she put out a hand and gripped his arm, just above his elbow. "You kissed me," she said.

"Yes, yes I did, I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from." Rodney waved his free arm. "I really - I'm sorry. I'll just - go?"

She tilted her head and stepped close to him. "Would you -" she hesitated, looking up at him. And really, she was just so beautiful. Rodney felt his face go hot with sheer proximity. "Will you kiss me again?"

He stared for a second, then nodded mutely. He looked into her eyes, then at her mouth, then back at her eyes; lowered his head and cupped her cheek again and kissed her, eyes falling shut. Her lips were delicate and a little chapped, and after a moment she stepped even closer but there was really nowhere to go, so she was pressed right up against him, and oh god, it was possibly better than chocolate, it was definitely better than thinking about Simpson and his whiteboard markers, it was really just - he slid his hand around to the nape of her neck, and his other arm wanted to go around her waist so he let it, because what the hell. If she walked away after this, at least he'd have done it right. Rodney put everything into it, felt her sigh, the way her lips parted, the way her body warmed and rose to meet his, her hands slipping up to rest on his shoulders as they kissed right there in a dim hallway in Atlantis.

"Was that - was that okay?" Rodney said, lifting his head, trying to breathe.

Teyla was looking up at him, smiling a little. She looked a little dazed and Rodney thought Ha, oh my god, and felt dizzy himself. "That was very good," Teyla said. She pressed away from him - he let her go, feeling his stomach fall, his face fall - but only a little bit. "May I come into your quarters?" she asked, hands still on his shoulders.

"Oh!" Rodney said. He smiled at her. "Now? I mean, yes, ah, yes. Please." He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the corridor another three doors, stopping in front of his opening door, though, to look at her again. "Are you - really?"

"Well," Teyla said, and rubbed her thumb down his wrist, smiling at him, "as we are already married on so many worlds I have lost count -"

"Four," Rodney said. "Four times. And once to Ronon," he added in a fit of honesty that had him wishing for a handy spork to use on his own eyeballs.

"As we are already married on four worlds," Teyla continued, rolling her eyes at his non sequitur, "I think I deserve more kisses from you than I have yet received."

Rodney backed through his door, drawing her with him, grinning as she smiled back and came. "I can totally make up for lost time," he said, and locked the door when it closed, leaving them alone together.

~ the end ~

teyla emmagen/rodney mckay, september 16, stargate: atlantis, apple_pi

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