LATE CONFESSION
LATE CONFESSION
Main Pairing: YEWOOK
Side Pairings: KyuMin, slight!YeMin
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warning: AU, genderswitch (girl!min, girl!wook), character's death
Summary: Will you still keep your secret although you know you'll never live forever?
A/N: THIS IS MY COLLABORATION WITH Kuuuu~ you'll also find it at her page :)
Ryeowook’s POV
“Hello class, on this first day of new semester, we would like to welcome a transfer student who will be your new friend, come in,” Mr. Choi, this semester’s teacher said. Then I can hear is chanting, “Wow, so handsome” or “Oh My God, help me, I’m gonna faint from that smile,” from the girls in my class except my best friend, Sungmin. It’s so obvious that Sungmin doesn’t show any interest because her heart is fulfilled by her boyfriend, a top student in class A, Kyuhyun. Anyway I bet that new student must be like… a prince? That these girls are half-yelling, but who cares whether he is a prince or a frog? I’d better finish reading this chapter before Mr. Choi begins to teach.
“Annyeonghasseyo, my name is Jongwoon, Kim Jongwoon is my full name, nice meeting you all, guys and gals,” ahh that guy’s name is Jongwoon, I feel like I'm on a cloud haha, but there is something I admire about him. I don’t know how he looks like but I could hear his voice just now, it is so sweet, I feel I’m kinda melting too now. Aww what am I thinking?
“Okay, Jongwoon, thank you, go find yourself a free seat,” Mr. Choi said. I then speed up my reading.
Just a few seconds later…
“Hi, this is a free seat, isn’t it?” someone asked.
“Yeah, this seat is free,” I heard Sungmin reply to that someone over my head because Sungmin’s seat is beside the window, next to me. But what? They said something about a free seat? Are they talking about the one beside me? I then shift my eyes from my books to see the new student, our faces are now less than an inch apart, my heart skipped a beat.
And there, Jongwoon sits next to me on my right side. I can’t continue reading anymore, he keeps bugging me, yeah I consider it as bugging, he constantly asks me about classes, schedule, the school and blah blah blah… and the class ended.
I have to walk home alone again today, Sungmin said her boyfriend, Kyuhyun, had something to do since they just met the first time after school’s holiday. It was just a week, okay? I sighed.
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The next day, I wake up with a terrible thought, because there will be a physical education class, and I seriously hate it, I always get a very low score in that subject.
But I know why. I do know why I always get a very low score in basketball. Okay, not only basketball, ALL the sports. Well… I hate realizing it, but it happens and I’m not gonna remember it.
I try to throw the ball directly to the ring but fail. I it again, fail again, and just like that. Suddenly, the ball that I’ve thrown is handed to me by a man.
“Yah! Can you just throw it with the right way?” he says. Soon I realize he’s Jongwoon, the new student.
“I-I’m sorry,” I bow to him.
“Have you ever played basketball before?” he asks coldly.
I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, look, how dare you talk to me that way?”
“I dare, and I don’t care. Let me show you how to throw the ball,” he says. He approaches me and sets his eyes on the hoop. He throws… and yeah, he did it. He takes the ball and hands it to me. “See? You should try. At least, show me that you can do it, Miss,” he smiles, and I realize that he’s so cute when smiling.
So here I am, trying to get a point. I set my eyes on the hoop, I throw the ball and… I did it too! Oh God, I still can play basketball, thanks.
“For a beginner, it’s good, Miss,” Jongwoon says.
“My name is Ryeowook. Don’t call me ‘miss’,” I reply.
Jongwoon smiles again. “Nice to meet you, Ryeowook.”
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Months later.
The class has been ended and I’m still in the class reading my new novel. My mom will be angry if she finds out that I still read novels remembering that I’m about to graduate. She’s too over-protective of me.
When I’m reading it, my gaze catches something on Jongwoon’s table. I take a look to what it is, and I find out that it’s sheet music for piano. Wow, I never knew that he likes to play piano. Or he likes to sing? Because there’s song lyrics too.
“Ryeowook?”
I turn to the voice. There, Jongwoon is standing next to the door. “Oh, Jongwoon… you left your sheet music,” I say, giving the sheet.
Jongwoon approaches me and takes it. “Thanks. Why are you still here?”
“Reading my… novel…” I answer as I felt a headache. No, wait, not now please, I’m still at school!
“Oh okay then… I’ll go home now, I’m gonna go to Sungmin’s house, bye…” he says, and he leaves.
Sungmin? I frown. Is Sungmin broken up with Kyuhyun? But a few hours ago they were still stuck to each other… or does Jongwoon love Sungmin? And… WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING?! I slap my own cheeks.
“What happened?” Jongwoon asks.
I flinch. “Eh? No… nothing…” and I fall down. I feel my headache is getting worse and all I can see is blurry. Even a silhouette of Jongwoon.
“Ryeowook? Ryeowook? Are you okay? Ryeowook!”
And now the blurring sights turn to dark.
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The next few hours, I find myself at my house. My room, exactly. And I feel someone is watching me from beside me…
“Ryeowook? You’re up?” I hear a sweet voice. I definitely know whose it. But… why is Jongwoon here?
“J-Jongwoon,” I call, “how could I be here? Who took me?”
“I did,” he says, "How are you feeling? Better?”
I nod.
“Why did you… faint?”
Oh, I fainted. “I just feel too tired. You know, as a student who’s about to graduate, it’s obvious that I did a lot of things,” I lie. “Well… how did you find my house?”
“I asked Sungmin.”
Oh. Sungmin again. “And why are you still here?”
“Your parents aren’t home, duhh.”
Oh of course, if they were home, Jongwoon would have left. “Anyway, thanks for all. You can leave now. You said you wanted to go to Sungmin’s house, didn’t you?”
“How can I leave while Sungmin is here making soup for you?!” Jongwoon yells.
I gulp. “O-oh… she’s here? Where-”
“Here’s your soup, Ryeowook-ah!” suddenly I hear a cheery voice from the door. It’s Sungmin with soup and juice on the folding-table. She puts it right in front of me. “Eat! You’ll feel better!” she says with bright smile.
“Thanks, Sungmin-ah”
Then I see my mom enter my room. “Ry-Ryeowook-ah?”
I know it’s coming. I just smile to my mom and I say to Jongwoon and Sungmin, “Nah, friends, you may leave now. I’m afraid I’m taking all of your time.”
Sungmin looks at Jongwoon, they both are frowning and shrugging. “Well, we’ll leave now. Get well soon, Ryeowook-ah,” Sungmin says as she hugged me tightly, and she drags Jongwoon out from my room, my house. But… Jongwoon’s eyes… he stares at me, with a worried gaze. Why do I feel this… or is it just me?
“Ryeowook-ah, you must have fainted again,” my mom breaks my thought.
“Y-yeah…” I smile, and begin eating the soup Sungmin made for me.
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I can’t believe I’m about to go to school and celebrate my graduation with my friends. I mean… I still can graduate. I don’t know how much I must thank God that I’m still here. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I smile at her. But she’s so pale that I touch my face to make sure that I’m not pale like her, and I feel like she laughs at me because I’m also pale and… sick.
“Ryeowook, don’t forget to take your medicine!” my mom shouts from the kitchen, and she successfully breaks my thought.
“Y-yes, mom, I’m coming…” thanks for breaking my crazy dream, mom.
“Ryeowook, I’m gonna study abroad.”
Jongwoon says directly to me. I feel like… my heart is… broken? Ryeowook! What are you thinking?! Jongwoon likes Sungmin okay?
“I see… where?”
“Aussie. Well, I won’t be so long, maybe in four years I’ll come back here.”
“And… what about… Sungmin?” I hesitantly ask.
Jongwoon frowns. “Sungmin? Oh, you wanna know about her? Don’t worry, she will be studying in Korea, besides, her parents are gonna pair her up with Kyuhyun. Oh, what a sweet relationship, right Wookie?”
Wookie. Wookie? “Haha, yes, right. So… you’ll leave her?”
“Huh? What are you talking about? We both are learning to be singers but in different countries, just like that. And anyway, I believe you’ll be the best pianist in Korea,” he smiles.
“How do you know that I can play piano?”
“When I took you home when you fainted, I saw a grand piano next to your room. And so many sheets of music on it and I found out they are your own songs. Sungmin told me that you play piano and compose songs. I believe you can be a good composer, Wookie.”
I smile. “Thanks…”
“Ryeowook, stay healthy okay?” he asks.
I nod and start thinking, why does he care of me?
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I am now a composer and my customer is Sungmin. Hahaha, I know we can be a good partners writing songs and singing them together, but rather than singing, I prefer writing song for her. At least, she knows well how to be thankful because she made it! She sings my song and it receives so many awards. And now, I’ve just sent my new song to Sungmin. She plays guitar well so I believe she can find the chord with her guitar.
Jongwoon also becomes a good singer in Aussie, with Yesung as his stage name. He asked me to compose a song for him when he comes back to Korea. He said he would come back in a month. I inhale, a month. And this song, which I compose for him, based on my feelings toward him. Okay, I admit, I love him. I don’t know… I’m in love, and that is all I know. I keep the sheet inside my diary. Yes, this diary, Ryeonggoo, is my closest friend, even more than Sungmin. She is my shoulder-to-cry-on and is also a place where I can share my happiness and maybe, anger. I hug Ryeonggoo tightly, as I am longing for Jongwoon to see this song. I don’t care if Jongwoon loves Sungmin, because Sungmin is already married to Kyuhyun.
But, here’s my headache, hurting me a lot again. I try to reach my medicine but… fail. I fall down first before I can reach it. Blurry, all is blurring again. God, please not now… I’m waiting for my mom to come, I’m waiting for… Jongwoon. God, let me… let me see him first, let me hear him sing it first. Then You may take me. But please not now…
But when my world turns dark, I finally understand that my life is in the hands of Him, like Ryeonggoo in my embrace.
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Jongwoon’s POV
I watch TV and Sungmin is there, singing a song which Ryeowook made for him. See? I believe she can do it. No, not Sungmin. I mean Ryeowook. The one I love. Yes, I love her so much that I heavily left her. But I want to be a good singer for her so I can sing her song perfectly. Honestly, I don’t know why she asked me about Sungmin, did she think that I love Sungmin? Hhh. For goodness’ sake, Sungmin is my cousin. Nobody knows it except Kyuhyun. They’re already married, so it’s a must for Kyuhyun to know that I’m Sungmin’s cousin. Sungmin and I just didn’t want to shock people or something since she told me that when I first came to that school, all the girls were chasing me and she didn’t want to be interrogated just because she’s my cousin. As a best cousin for her, I kept our relationship as secret.
And, I’m now in Korea. I’m gonna prepare a surprise for Ryeowook. Today, I’m gonna go to Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s house to ask everything about her. I believe she’s getting more beautiful now.
And here I am in front of their house. I press the doorbell, and soon Sungmin opens it. I smile to her.
“Hey, Min,” I greet.
“J-Jongwoon,” Sungmin murmurs. She forces a smile.
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Sungmin sits on the sofa with Kyuhyun next to her. They seem like they're ‘being nice’ to me, and I can feel an awkward atmosphere here. What is it? Why does my mind keep reminding me of… Ryeowook? God, what happened?
“How’s Ryeowook?” I ask hesitantly.
Sungmin forces a smile. “She… she is fine…”
“I believe she’s happy now, since her song that you sing is booming everywhere,” I praise both of the girls.
But again, Sungmin forces a smile. “Yes, of course…”
Kyuhyun stares at me. “Jongwoon, don’t you know-”
“Kyu!” Sungmin cuts him off.
“Min…”
Sungmin sighs. She then turns to me. “Jongwoon, I want you to meet Ryeowook. She… I think she misses you, that’s why. Can we go now?”
I nod.
Soon I find myself in my car following Kyuhyun and Sungmin. Really, what happened to Ryeowook? Hmpfh. Jongwoon, calm down. You’re gonna meet Ryeowook, okay? I calm myself down. Ah, I think I’m going crazy, talking to myself like this. I frown even more when they stop the car in front of a florist and Sungmin buys two bouquets of flowers.
Then I see Kyuhyun’s car enter… hey, what is it? Cemetery? Wait, what the heck did happen while I was in Aussie? Then I park my car next to Kyuhyun’s and get out.
“At cemetery?” I smirk.
Kyuhyun just smiles, while Sungmin grabs my arm and we walk hand-in-hand. “Let’s go, Jongwoonie,” she says with smile… wait, she seems to be holding back her tears.
I feel like something bad happened to Ryeowook. We pass so many graves, and I still don’t know, not yet, whose grave Sungmin is gonna visit. Eh… ‘whose grave’? It can’t be…
Kim Ryeowook.
I become so numb after reading the gravestone in front of me now. W-why… Ryeowook has passed away. She… died.
“Why, Sungmin…?” I whisper as my tears fell. “Why didn’t you tell me…?”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t even know that she was ill… and her mom told me not to tell you…” she bows, but I immediately lift her up. She then gives a book to me. “I demand you to read it. I didn’t dare to read it, but I have a feeling that you must read. Jongwoon, spend this time with her,” and she leaves me. Kyuhyun stares at me before bowing and following Sungmin.
I hold the book tightly. I stare at the gravestone as I kneel down in front of it. I let my tears fall because it might hurt to hold it back.
“Ryeowook, why?” I ask. “Why didn’t you tell me, or Sungmin, that you were ill? Why did you go before I got the chance to tell you that… that I love you?” and I begin opening the book, that soon I know it’s a diary. I smirk weakly. “So this is your diary, Wookie? I’ll read it later, okay?”
Suddenly a sheet falls. I take it to have a look. Oh, God. This is the song that I asked her to compose. I see my name written on it. I try to find the melody and when I get it, I take my cell phone out to record this song.
I look at the gravestone and smile. “Ryeowook, I’m gonna sing this song for you. I hope you like the way I sing it,” I say. Then I sing the song slowly, holding my tears back. But since it’s for my love who hasn’t known my feeling yet, I sing with all my strength and… love. I love you, Ryeowook, but you’re so cruel leaving me alone.
As soon as I finished the song, I left the phone in front Ryeowook so that she can listen to it forever and know my feelings, “Wookie, this is for you, please do remember, I love you and I always will love you, never will ever change that.”
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Soon, I get back home and read the diary. I read page by page… and all I can do is just cry harder. I scream. I can’t believe what’s written in it… Ryeowook, I’m now regretting myself. The diary begins from when she found out about her illness till… my name was written in it. I read it more seriously and my tears fall down. I don’t care that I’m a coward, crying like this, at least I finally know…
I grab my car keys and I speed up. I hug the diary tightly. I drive myself nowhere; I just want to release my emotions. I hate myself, I hate my life. If only I confessed in the first place…
BRAKK! I hit a truck and I roll out from under my car. My vision is blurry, but I can see my blood. I see people approach me, although they’re blurry but I just know it.
The only one I can see is a goddess, beautiful goddess, in white dress. She looks at me, crying. I immediately know who she is. I smile to her, and she holds my hand as if begging me to survive. I call her in a soft voice.
“Ryeowook…” I smile, “I love you…”
But when my world turns dark, I finally understand that my life is in the hands of Him, like the diary in my embrace.
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Sungmin suggested putting Jongwoon beside Ryeowook, and everybody agreed. By then, she found Jongwoon’s phone which was put in front of Ryeowook’s gravestone. She then tapped the recording to play it.
And the phone started to sound…
“Wookie, I never thought that there would be something that would caused me this much regret, but I believe it now, it’s you who make me believe it, and only you. Anyway thank for the song you had composed for me.
Yesung’s It has to be you
oneuldo nae gieogeul ttarahemaedai gil kkeuteseo seoseongineun nadasin bol sudo eomneun niga nareul butjabananeun tto i gireul mutneundaneol bogo sipdagotto ango sipdagojeo haneulbomyeo gidohaneun nalniga animyeon andwaeneo eobsin nan andwaena ireoke haru handareul tto illyeoneulna apado johanae mam dachyeodo joha nangeurae nan neo hanaman saranghanikkana du beon dasineunbonael su eopdagona neoreul itgo salsun eopdagoniga animyeon andwaeneo eobsin nan andwaena ireoke haru handareul tto illyeoneulna apado johanae mam dachyeodo joha nangeurae nan neo hanaman saranghanikkanae meongdeun gaseumineol chajaoragosorichyeo bureundaneon eodinneungeoninaui moksori deulliji annninaegeneunna dasi saradomyeot beoneul taeeonadoharudo niga eobsi sal su eomneun nanaega jikyeojul saramnaega saranghal saram nangeurae nan neo hanamyeon chungbunhanikkaneo hanaman saranghanikka
Today, i wander in my memory I’m pasing around on the end of this way You’re still holding me tightly, even though i can’t see you any more I’m losing my way again I’m praying to the sky i want see you and hold you more that i want to see you and hold you more It can’t be if it’s not you i can’t be without you it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this it’s fine even if my heart’s hurts yes because i’m just in love with you i cannot send you away one more time i can’t live without you it can’t be if it’s not you i can’t be without you it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like thisit’s fine even if my heart’s hurts yes because i’m just in love with you my bruised heart is screaming to me to find you where are you?can’t you hear my voice?to me…if i live my life again if i’m born over and over again i can’t live without you for a day You’re the one i will keep you’re the one i will love i’m…yes because i’m happy enough if i could be with you
There it is, I can’t describe how much I love your song, it’s very meaningful, what if I said the meaing of the song fits perfectly with the situation I’m facing now? What about you? Anyway, did I sing it beautifully? I hope I did.
Wookie, before I go, I have something to tell you. Please remember, it’s only you who I love and I will always love, Kim Ryeowook, please wait for me in the next life. If only, I said if, I was given another chance, the first sentence I would say to you is “I LOVE YOU”. Good bye Wookie, my love.
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Without any warning, both Sungmin’s and Kyuhyun’s face were wet from the tears, Sungmin could understand the meaning of the song written by Ryeowook clearly, it stated all of her feelings, and it fit perfectly.
Kyuhyun then lifted Ryeowook’s diary and said, “I found this in Jongwoon hyung’s embrace.”
“It’s Wookie’s diary!” Sungmin said.
Then they began to read from the first page.
Dairy #1
Starting from today, you, this book will be my soul, Ryeonggoo, I name you this. I don’t know how long this life of mine will last, I just want to save all my memories before I am gone without coming back, never ever coming back, I just want someone to accompany me, you might think why not Sungmin’s, obviously, she has her boyfriend, I don’t want to bug her happy life after all.
Dairy #2
Ryeonggoo, today I went to check my situation again, doctor said I was getting worse, he said the most effective solution is try not to be stressed, and I’ve got an idea, I’ll begin to read novels since I like them anyway. I actually don’t have anything to be stressed with, maybe I keep thinking about this illness? Awww, I don’t care anymore, I have to make my life happier :D
Dairy #3
Annyeong~~~ today is the last day of semester one, and as you know, I can be taken anytime without warning. To be honest, today, I saw Sungmin and her boyfriend being lovely-dovey together, I'm kind of jealous, but well, who cares? We will be having a week off, yay!!
Dairy #4
Today, umma took me to go shopping and bought many things, I was out of energy and almost fainted again but luckily I was with umma so yeah, nothing happened at all.
Sungmin flipped the book few more pages, Ryeowook never forgot to note down every day, even though it was just a simple day. Sungmin continued flipping until she caught an entry which seemed different from the others
Dairy #8
Ryeonggoo, I’m back from school, how are you? It is our first day with semester two. I’m kind of pissed today, ya know, today there was a new transfer student, his name is Jongwoon, feels like a Cloud, right? Hahaha, but well, he looks handsome, and his voice is sweet, I almost fainted not because of that damn illness. Anyway, one more thing, he kept bugging me the whole day about everything, and don’t need to doubt why Sungmin didn’t help me, she kept clinging with that top student, Kyuhyun.
That’s it for today, Ryeonggoo, I shall finish reading that novel tonight, I go to read now then I’ll sleep, you sleep too, sleep tight.
P.S: feel somehow happy today, but don’t know the reason.
Dairy #9
Ryeonggoo!! How ya feel today? Well? I guess you are well, but I am not, I feel so dizzy now, I should have been sleeping but I’m afraid that I can’t remember things clearly like I do now. In fact, I’ve had medicine just now, so I guess I can still handle until I finish telling you about today.
I have 2 things to tell you though one is good whereas another one is bad (the typical one). I actually am happy when thinking about this, guess? I scored a point in basketball today, don’t ask me why, I don’t know either. Maybe it was because of him? Remember the new transfer student? Namely, Jongwoon. He said to me “At least, show me that you can do it, Miss” after he shot the ball into the hoop directly. I then gathered all my strength and yeah, I did it. However, to be honest, he looked so handsome then. By the way, we are friends now and without me knowing it, I am happy by that new friendship. That’s it for the good news.
At the very mean time, while I was trying to shoot the ball into the hoop, I felt my head became heavier and heavier but I tried my best to ignore it, I don’t want to show my weakness to him. *sigh* I don’t want to talk anything further about that *sigh*. Let’s sleep, I don’t wanna be scolded by umma again. Night!
Diary #10
It’s another day with a sports session, the same as last time, I couldn’t shoot the ball until Jongwoon was beside me, I really can’t understand why he affects me a lot. Do I love him? Maybe? And just like normal, my head was hurting after I played basketball, but this time, it was more serious, I fainted, fortunately it was when I arrived home already that umma could help me.
I’m very clueless of how long this life will last, but maybe because of you, Jongwoon, that I choose to try to survive as long as I can. My heart told me that, maybe, just maybe, this heart of mine has fallen for you already.
By then, Sungmin and Kyuhyun continued reading a few more pages that most of them had Jongwoon involved in. They started to understand more and more about Ryeowook’s feeling toward Sungmin’s cousin, Jongwoon. Suddenly, the two almost screamed their lungs out because of an entry.
Diary #15
I’ve just found out that Jongwoon does play piano and also is able to sing, I really admire him, and just to mention, this my type, my ideal boy, as well, because of this, I am now sure that I have fallen for that guy. But! What is the point of knowing my feelings when another truth has been revealed? He told me that he would be going to Sungmin’s place, everything is just very suspicious. Just when I was thinking too much, once again, I fainted.
I was lucky again that Jongwoon was there too when I fainted, finally he saw me faint, I know that this day would come sooner or later, but I didn’t expect that it would be this soon. It kind of sucked when he asked me why I fainted, but I managed to tell him a lie without him having any suspicions.
When umma came back, both Jongwoon and Sungmin left, there, another doubt on my mind, when Jongwoon left, his stare toward me was kind of… worried ? Was it only me who felt that? But but but what does he mean by that worried look? What about Sungmin?
Ryeonggoo, I now feel very dizzy again. It seems to occur too often lately. What should I do? Is avoiding the best way for me in my situation? I don’t know, I really don’t.
Diary #16
Umma took me to hospital to check up my illness, the doctor said he didn’t believe that it was getting worse so fast, he asked me why. I just said that because of studying since it is my last year, I successfully lied to them. How could I tell him and umma that maybe because I am heartbroken? That’s impossible, of course.
Diary #17
I can’t believe it.
Last week, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw Ryeowook, yeah that’s me, she looked normal, but from day to day, I cannot seem to recognize that girl in the mirror anymore.
Today when I went to school, Jongwoon, once again with a worried tone, asked me why I looked so pale, I lied again, I said I didn’t have enough sleep lately because we were about to graduate. But what does he mean by that? He likes Sungmin, doesn’t he? What is with those concerns of his?
Diary #18
Ryeonggoo, I finally got my certificate, I can’t believe that I could get it.
Maybe, I have presumed that Jongwoon really likes Sungmin because of their actions, they look very good together, Jongwoon usually walks Sungmin home every time Kyuhyun isn’t available. I somehow wonder what Sungmin is thinking. But I believe in her, she will make a right decision.
What a surprise event for today that Jongwoon told me he would be going to continue his studies abroad, after that, once again wonder had appeared in my mind, the last word he said, he told me to stay healthy? Why?
Diary #19
It’s Jongwoon’s departure day, how I wish I could be there to send him off at the airport, but I couldn’t, even though I know that I am not the one he wants to see, but I want to see him, I may not be able to see him again.
But how can I go when I am lying on a hospital bed, the doctor had said that there was another way to prolong my life is to undergo an operation. He added that it could only prolong my life, it couldn’t heal the damn illness fully. But because of wanting to wait for Jongwoon, I decided to take it, and here I am, waiting for the operation to happen tomorrow, this is the only chance I have to make it and to be able to wait for the only person I have fallen for.
They all don’t know about this, only my family, I don’t want them to know so they won’t worry about me, I told them that we would be going to take an oversea trip for a month. And this operation will remain a secret.
Sungmin’s tears flowed more and more, there was no sign that she would be able to stop it. Kyuhyun didn’t know what to do so he just stood there hugging Sungmin and gave her his support.
They then read a few more pages which were all written about the time Ryeowook spent in the hospital. Oh how sad it was that Ryeowook was there alone.
“Wookie, why didn’t you tell us? Why? I am your best friend for goodness’s sake, you should have told us everything, you wouldn’t be suffering so much, why? I really don’t understand why?” Sungmin mumbled in Kyuhyun’s embrace.
“Kyu, why? Why did this have to happen to her?” Sungmin said.
Diary #31
I finally came back home, I feel a lot better, when I looked in the mirror again this evening, that girl in the mirror is me, Ryeowook, not the pale one anymore. I will be able to wait for his comeback, right?
I’ll become a composer soon after I finish my university. Can I say something? I miss him a lot, that he named Jongwoon, I really do.
I wonder how he is doing now, is he fine? He does eat a lot, doesn’t he? How does he look right now? Must be more handsome, right? Haha, I don’t know but I suddenly smile when imagining him.
Diary #32
Ryeonggoo, moving on to university, awww, so much homework, but there is a good point from that, it distracts me from missing him, Jongwoon, even though it makes me tired but physical tiredness doesn’t affect my illness so much. Although I get distracted but still, I can’t forget the feelings, missing and waiting.
By the way, Sungmin still doesn’t know about my illness, well, because I didn’t tell her, I don’t want her to worry about me.
Although Sungmin was having a hard time continuing reading the diary of Ryeowook because she was still sobbing and sniffing, but she kept reading it, she found out that some entries were about her daily life, Ryeowook wrote almost every piece of her activities down in her soul, Ryeonggoo. And one thing that Ryeowook never forgot to write down is “Jongwoon, I miss you. This life is waiting for you.” And that caused Sungmin to cry to even harder.
Diary #40
Ryeonggoo~~~ good news!! Sungmin and I were told to have contract with an entertainment company, I will her composer, and all my composed songs will be sung by her.
How I hope that he was here so that we could share the happiness together just like Sungmin shared it with Kyuhyun, maybe not the same way as them as a couple, but just friends, we can also do it, can’t we?
Diary #45
It seems like I usually have good news to tell you, right Ryeonggoo? More good news, today Sungmin got another award for singing the song I composed for her. I am very happy with that :D
At the same time where Sungmin’s popularity is getting known wider and wider around the world, there is news about a very famous male singer from Aussie, his name is Yesung. I was so surprised the first time I saw his face, guess why? He is Jongwoon, Kim Jongwoon, the one who I have been waiting for ages. The reason is that Yesung is his stage name.
When I saw him on TV, oh how happy I was, it seemed like there is no suitable words to be used to describe my feelings. He looks so damn handsome now.
Diary #46
After the occurrence of that operation, I have been very good even though sometimes I feel a little bit dizzy for times. So I just ignore it until one time, I fainted while I was trying to compose another new song for Sungmin. I found myself lying in hospital bed when I woke up, suddenly, the feeling which I haven’t had for a long time happened to me again. The unsecured feeling that I can be taken anytime came back again. When I asked the doctor, he replied saying it could only prolong, it couldn’t heal. By saying that, I felt down because I haven’t achieved what I’ve been thinking yet, meeting him.
Diary #49
Two days in the hospital wasn’t comfortable at all, Sungmin, of course, wondered why, but what the hell? I lied to her again; I said I just caught a serious cold that I needed to stay in the hospital. When I came back home, the first thing I did was look in the mirror, and from what I saw, that pale girl has come back.
Diary #50
Before something bad can happen, I am now trying to make one more good song for Sungmin. I hope I can make it. Meanwhile, Jongwoon asked me to compose a song for him and he also told me that he would come back in just a month.
Ryeonggoo, just one more month, the face I have missed so much will appear in front of me. I am still happy even though I know that he doesn’t have the same feelings as me. But seeing him face to face again is my only one purpose of this unsecured life.
I am now in the progress of composing Sungmin a new song; I guess I will be able to finish it by tomorrow if my health doesn’t struggle very much.
Diary #51
After having the new song for Sungmin composed, I started the song for him. It is completely different from other songs I have composed for Sungmin, this song is entirely based on my feelings, every piece of me has been put into the song, and usually it takes me time to finish a song, but not this one, it took me only a day to get it finished. “It has to be you” is the title of the song. I do believe that he will sing it perfectly. This is what desired me to make it.
When I got it done, I turned to the back of the sheet and wrote down, “Jongwoon, this is for you, and only you, I highly hope that you will like this. -Ryeowook”
Diary #55
Every day, I take out the song I composed for Jongwoon to either read or sing by myself at least once, no matter how badly my head hurts, no matter how bad I feel. I must go through it at least once with the hope of listening to him sing it once he comes back.
But, things have gone the way I never expected, yesterday, I remember that I didn't feel very well yet I still wanted to go through ‘It has to be you’. While I was in the middle, I suddenly didn’t feel anything, everything was dark, and the time when my vision came back, I just knew that I fainted once again, for some reason, I almost faint every day, I know what situation I am in. I doubt if I can hear him sing it.
Diary #56
I am now home alone, umma has gone to buy the medicine for me. My head is very heavy, extremely heavy, my hand shakes so much.
There is nothing much I can do nowadays, I can’t even write properly, my letters look so ugly now, I want to write only one sentence which I have never got a chance to say outloud.
“I love you, Jongwoon
By the time Sungmin and Kyuhyun finished the last entry, silence covered everything, only the sound of sobbing and sniffing. “Why is there only quotation?” Kyuhyun said.
“Maybe Wookie’s hand was too shaky that she couldn’t even finish it, or maybe He took her from us without even letting her to finish her last entry,” Sungmin replied in between the sobs and sniffs.
Last but not least, Sungmin put back Ryeonggoo and Jongwoon’s phone back in front of Ryeowook’s and Jongwoon’s gravestones, they then turned around and starting to walk away leaving the two gravestones to be together peacefully.
================
Main Pairing: YEWOOK
Side Pairings: KyuMin, slight!YeMin
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warning: AU, genderswitch (girl!min, girl!wook), character's death
Summary: Will you still keep your secret although you know you'll never live forever?
A/N: THIS IS MY COLLABORATION WITH Kuuuu~ you'll also find it at her page :)
Ryeowook’s POV
“Hello class, on this first day of new semester, we would like to welcome a transfer student who will be your new friend, come in,” Mr. Choi, this semester’s teacher said. Then I can hear is chanting, “Wow, so handsome” or “Oh My God, help me, I’m gonna faint from that smile,” from the girls in my class except my best friend, Sungmin. It’s so obvious that Sungmin doesn’t show any interest because her heart is fulfilled by her boyfriend, a top student in class A, Kyuhyun. Anyway I bet that new student must be like… a prince? That these girls are half-yelling, but who cares whether he is a prince or a frog? I’d better finish reading this chapter before Mr. Choi begins to teach.
“Annyeonghasseyo, my name is Jongwoon, Kim Jongwoon is my full name, nice meeting you all, guys and gals,” ahh that guy’s name is Jongwoon, I feel like I'm on a cloud haha, but there is something I admire about him. I don’t know how he looks like but I could hear his voice just now, it is so sweet, I feel I’m kinda melting too now. Aww what am I thinking?
“Okay, Jongwoon, thank you, go find yourself a free seat,” Mr. Choi said. I then speed up my reading.
Just a few seconds later…
“Hi, this is a free seat, isn’t it?” someone asked.
“Yeah, this seat is free,” I heard Sungmin reply to that someone over my head because Sungmin’s seat is beside the window, next to me. But what? They said something about a free seat? Are they talking about the one beside me? I then shift my eyes from my books to see the new student, our faces are now less than an inch apart, my heart skipped a beat.
And there, Jongwoon sits next to me on my right side. I can’t continue reading anymore, he keeps bugging me, yeah I consider it as bugging, he constantly asks me about classes, schedule, the school and blah blah blah… and the class ended.
I have to walk home alone again today, Sungmin said her boyfriend, Kyuhyun, had something to do since they just met the first time after school’s holiday. It was just a week, okay? I sighed.
---------
The next day, I wake up with a terrible thought, because there will be a physical education class, and I seriously hate it, I always get a very low score in that subject.
But I know why. I do know why I always get a very low score in basketball. Okay, not only basketball, ALL the sports. Well… I hate realizing it, but it happens and I’m not gonna remember it.
I try to throw the ball directly to the ring but fail. I it again, fail again, and just like that. Suddenly, the ball that I’ve thrown is handed to me by a man.
“Yah! Can you just throw it with the right way?” he says. Soon I realize he’s Jongwoon, the new student.
“I-I’m sorry,” I bow to him.
“Have you ever played basketball before?” he asks coldly.
I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, look, how dare you talk to me that way?”
“I dare, and I don’t care. Let me show you how to throw the ball,” he says. He approaches me and sets his eyes on the hoop. He throws… and yeah, he did it. He takes the ball and hands it to me. “See? You should try. At least, show me that you can do it, Miss,” he smiles, and I realize that he’s so cute when smiling.
So here I am, trying to get a point. I set my eyes on the hoop, I throw the ball and… I did it too! Oh God, I still can play basketball, thanks.
“For a beginner, it’s good, Miss,” Jongwoon says.
“My name is Ryeowook. Don’t call me ‘miss’,” I reply.
Jongwoon smiles again. “Nice to meet you, Ryeowook.”
----------
Months later.
The class has been ended and I’m still in the class reading my new novel. My mom will be angry if she finds out that I still read novels remembering that I’m about to graduate. She’s too over-protective of me.
When I’m reading it, my gaze catches something on Jongwoon’s table. I take a look to what it is, and I find out that it’s sheet music for piano. Wow, I never knew that he likes to play piano. Or he likes to sing? Because there’s song lyrics too.
“Ryeowook?”
I turn to the voice. There, Jongwoon is standing next to the door. “Oh, Jongwoon… you left your sheet music,” I say, giving the sheet.
Jongwoon approaches me and takes it. “Thanks. Why are you still here?”
“Reading my… novel…” I answer as I felt a headache. No, wait, not now please, I’m still at school!
“Oh okay then… I’ll go home now, I’m gonna go to Sungmin’s house, bye…” he says, and he leaves.
Sungmin? I frown. Is Sungmin broken up with Kyuhyun? But a few hours ago they were still stuck to each other… or does Jongwoon love Sungmin? And… WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING?! I slap my own cheeks.
“What happened?” Jongwoon asks.
I flinch. “Eh? No… nothing…” and I fall down. I feel my headache is getting worse and all I can see is blurry. Even a silhouette of Jongwoon.
“Ryeowook? Ryeowook? Are you okay? Ryeowook!”
And now the blurring sights turn to dark.
----------
The next few hours, I find myself at my house. My room, exactly. And I feel someone is watching me from beside me…
“Ryeowook? You’re up?” I hear a sweet voice. I definitely know whose it. But… why is Jongwoon here?
“J-Jongwoon,” I call, “how could I be here? Who took me?”
“I did,” he says, "How are you feeling? Better?”
I nod.
“Why did you… faint?”
Oh, I fainted. “I just feel too tired. You know, as a student who’s about to graduate, it’s obvious that I did a lot of things,” I lie. “Well… how did you find my house?”
“I asked Sungmin.”
Oh. Sungmin again. “And why are you still here?”
“Your parents aren’t home, duhh.”
Oh of course, if they were home, Jongwoon would have left. “Anyway, thanks for all. You can leave now. You said you wanted to go to Sungmin’s house, didn’t you?”
“How can I leave while Sungmin is here making soup for you?!” Jongwoon yells.
I gulp. “O-oh… she’s here? Where-”
“Here’s your soup, Ryeowook-ah!” suddenly I hear a cheery voice from the door. It’s Sungmin with soup and juice on the folding-table. She puts it right in front of me. “Eat! You’ll feel better!” she says with bright smile.
“Thanks, Sungmin-ah”
Then I see my mom enter my room. “Ry-Ryeowook-ah?”
I know it’s coming. I just smile to my mom and I say to Jongwoon and Sungmin, “Nah, friends, you may leave now. I’m afraid I’m taking all of your time.”
Sungmin looks at Jongwoon, they both are frowning and shrugging. “Well, we’ll leave now. Get well soon, Ryeowook-ah,” Sungmin says as she hugged me tightly, and she drags Jongwoon out from my room, my house. But… Jongwoon’s eyes… he stares at me, with a worried gaze. Why do I feel this… or is it just me?
“Ryeowook-ah, you must have fainted again,” my mom breaks my thought.
“Y-yeah…” I smile, and begin eating the soup Sungmin made for me.
----------
I can’t believe I’m about to go to school and celebrate my graduation with my friends. I mean… I still can graduate. I don’t know how much I must thank God that I’m still here. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I smile at her. But she’s so pale that I touch my face to make sure that I’m not pale like her, and I feel like she laughs at me because I’m also pale and… sick.
“Ryeowook, don’t forget to take your medicine!” my mom shouts from the kitchen, and she successfully breaks my thought.
“Y-yes, mom, I’m coming…” thanks for breaking my crazy dream, mom.
“Ryeowook, I’m gonna study abroad.”
Jongwoon says directly to me. I feel like… my heart is… broken? Ryeowook! What are you thinking?! Jongwoon likes Sungmin okay?
“I see… where?”
“Aussie. Well, I won’t be so long, maybe in four years I’ll come back here.”
“And… what about… Sungmin?” I hesitantly ask.
Jongwoon frowns. “Sungmin? Oh, you wanna know about her? Don’t worry, she will be studying in Korea, besides, her parents are gonna pair her up with Kyuhyun. Oh, what a sweet relationship, right Wookie?”
Wookie. Wookie? “Haha, yes, right. So… you’ll leave her?”
“Huh? What are you talking about? We both are learning to be singers but in different countries, just like that. And anyway, I believe you’ll be the best pianist in Korea,” he smiles.
“How do you know that I can play piano?”
“When I took you home when you fainted, I saw a grand piano next to your room. And so many sheets of music on it and I found out they are your own songs. Sungmin told me that you play piano and compose songs. I believe you can be a good composer, Wookie.”
I smile. “Thanks…”
“Ryeowook, stay healthy okay?” he asks.
I nod and start thinking, why does he care of me?
----------
I am now a composer and my customer is Sungmin. Hahaha, I know we can be a good partners writing songs and singing them together, but rather than singing, I prefer writing song for her. At least, she knows well how to be thankful because she made it! She sings my song and it receives so many awards. And now, I’ve just sent my new song to Sungmin. She plays guitar well so I believe she can find the chord with her guitar.
Jongwoon also becomes a good singer in Aussie, with Yesung as his stage name. He asked me to compose a song for him when he comes back to Korea. He said he would come back in a month. I inhale, a month. And this song, which I compose for him, based on my feelings toward him. Okay, I admit, I love him. I don’t know… I’m in love, and that is all I know. I keep the sheet inside my diary. Yes, this diary, Ryeonggoo, is my closest friend, even more than Sungmin. She is my shoulder-to-cry-on and is also a place where I can share my happiness and maybe, anger. I hug Ryeonggoo tightly, as I am longing for Jongwoon to see this song. I don’t care if Jongwoon loves Sungmin, because Sungmin is already married to Kyuhyun.
But, here’s my headache, hurting me a lot again. I try to reach my medicine but… fail. I fall down first before I can reach it. Blurry, all is blurring again. God, please not now… I’m waiting for my mom to come, I’m waiting for… Jongwoon. God, let me… let me see him first, let me hear him sing it first. Then You may take me. But please not now…
But when my world turns dark, I finally understand that my life is in the hands of Him, like Ryeonggoo in my embrace.
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Jongwoon’s POV
I watch TV and Sungmin is there, singing a song which Ryeowook made for him. See? I believe she can do it. No, not Sungmin. I mean Ryeowook. The one I love. Yes, I love her so much that I heavily left her. But I want to be a good singer for her so I can sing her song perfectly. Honestly, I don’t know why she asked me about Sungmin, did she think that I love Sungmin? Hhh. For goodness’ sake, Sungmin is my cousin. Nobody knows it except Kyuhyun. They’re already married, so it’s a must for Kyuhyun to know that I’m Sungmin’s cousin. Sungmin and I just didn’t want to shock people or something since she told me that when I first came to that school, all the girls were chasing me and she didn’t want to be interrogated just because she’s my cousin. As a best cousin for her, I kept our relationship as secret.
And, I’m now in Korea. I’m gonna prepare a surprise for Ryeowook. Today, I’m gonna go to Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s house to ask everything about her. I believe she’s getting more beautiful now.
And here I am in front of their house. I press the doorbell, and soon Sungmin opens it. I smile to her.
“Hey, Min,” I greet.
“J-Jongwoon,” Sungmin murmurs. She forces a smile.
---------
Sungmin sits on the sofa with Kyuhyun next to her. They seem like they're ‘being nice’ to me, and I can feel an awkward atmosphere here. What is it? Why does my mind keep reminding me of… Ryeowook? God, what happened?
“How’s Ryeowook?” I ask hesitantly.
Sungmin forces a smile. “She… she is fine…”
“I believe she’s happy now, since her song that you sing is booming everywhere,” I praise both of the girls.
But again, Sungmin forces a smile. “Yes, of course…”
Kyuhyun stares at me. “Jongwoon, don’t you know-”
“Kyu!” Sungmin cuts him off.
“Min…”
Sungmin sighs. She then turns to me. “Jongwoon, I want you to meet Ryeowook. She… I think she misses you, that’s why. Can we go now?”
I nod.
Soon I find myself in my car following Kyuhyun and Sungmin. Really, what happened to Ryeowook? Hmpfh. Jongwoon, calm down. You’re gonna meet Ryeowook, okay? I calm myself down. Ah, I think I’m going crazy, talking to myself like this. I frown even more when they stop the car in front of a florist and Sungmin buys two bouquets of flowers.
Then I see Kyuhyun’s car enter… hey, what is it? Cemetery? Wait, what the heck did happen while I was in Aussie? Then I park my car next to Kyuhyun’s and get out.
“At cemetery?” I smirk.
Kyuhyun just smiles, while Sungmin grabs my arm and we walk hand-in-hand. “Let’s go, Jongwoonie,” she says with smile… wait, she seems to be holding back her tears.
I feel like something bad happened to Ryeowook. We pass so many graves, and I still don’t know, not yet, whose grave Sungmin is gonna visit. Eh… ‘whose grave’? It can’t be…
Kim Ryeowook.
I become so numb after reading the gravestone in front of me now. W-why… Ryeowook has passed away. She… died.
“Why, Sungmin…?” I whisper as my tears fell. “Why didn’t you tell me…?”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t even know that she was ill… and her mom told me not to tell you…” she bows, but I immediately lift her up. She then gives a book to me. “I demand you to read it. I didn’t dare to read it, but I have a feeling that you must read. Jongwoon, spend this time with her,” and she leaves me. Kyuhyun stares at me before bowing and following Sungmin.
I hold the book tightly. I stare at the gravestone as I kneel down in front of it. I let my tears fall because it might hurt to hold it back.
“Ryeowook, why?” I ask. “Why didn’t you tell me, or Sungmin, that you were ill? Why did you go before I got the chance to tell you that… that I love you?” and I begin opening the book, that soon I know it’s a diary. I smirk weakly. “So this is your diary, Wookie? I’ll read it later, okay?”
Suddenly a sheet falls. I take it to have a look. Oh, God. This is the song that I asked her to compose. I see my name written on it. I try to find the melody and when I get it, I take my cell phone out to record this song.
I look at the gravestone and smile. “Ryeowook, I’m gonna sing this song for you. I hope you like the way I sing it,” I say. Then I sing the song slowly, holding my tears back. But since it’s for my love who hasn’t known my feeling yet, I sing with all my strength and… love. I love you, Ryeowook, but you’re so cruel leaving me alone.
As soon as I finished the song, I left the phone in front Ryeowook so that she can listen to it forever and know my feelings, “Wookie, this is for you, please do remember, I love you and I always will love you, never will ever change that.”
---------
Soon, I get back home and read the diary. I read page by page… and all I can do is just cry harder. I scream. I can’t believe what’s written in it… Ryeowook, I’m now regretting myself. The diary begins from when she found out about her illness till… my name was written in it. I read it more seriously and my tears fall down. I don’t care that I’m a coward, crying like this, at least I finally know…
I grab my car keys and I speed up. I hug the diary tightly. I drive myself nowhere; I just want to release my emotions. I hate myself, I hate my life. If only I confessed in the first place…
BRAKK! I hit a truck and I roll out from under my car. My vision is blurry, but I can see my blood. I see people approach me, although they’re blurry but I just know it.
The only one I can see is a goddess, beautiful goddess, in white dress. She looks at me, crying. I immediately know who she is. I smile to her, and she holds my hand as if begging me to survive. I call her in a soft voice.
“Ryeowook…” I smile, “I love you…”
But when my world turns dark, I finally understand that my life is in the hands of Him, like the diary in my embrace.
---------
Sungmin suggested putting Jongwoon beside Ryeowook, and everybody agreed. By then, she found Jongwoon’s phone which was put in front of Ryeowook’s gravestone. She then tapped the recording to play it.
And the phone started to sound…
“Wookie, I never thought that there would be something that would caused me this much regret, but I believe it now, it’s you who make me believe it, and only you. Anyway thank for the song you had composed for me.
Yesung’s It has to be you
oneuldo nae gieogeul ttarahemaedai gil kkeuteseo seoseongineun nadasin bol sudo eomneun niga nareul butjabananeun tto i gireul mutneundaneol bogo sipdagotto ango sipdagojeo haneulbomyeo gidohaneun nalniga animyeon andwaeneo eobsin nan andwaena ireoke haru handareul tto illyeoneulna apado johanae mam dachyeodo joha nangeurae nan neo hanaman saranghanikkana du beon dasineunbonael su eopdagona neoreul itgo salsun eopdagoniga animyeon andwaeneo eobsin nan andwaena ireoke haru handareul tto illyeoneulna apado johanae mam dachyeodo joha nangeurae nan neo hanaman saranghanikkanae meongdeun gaseumineol chajaoragosorichyeo bureundaneon eodinneungeoninaui moksori deulliji annninaegeneunna dasi saradomyeot beoneul taeeonadoharudo niga eobsi sal su eomneun nanaega jikyeojul saramnaega saranghal saram nangeurae nan neo hanamyeon chungbunhanikkaneo hanaman saranghanikka
Today, i wander in my memory I’m pasing around on the end of this way You’re still holding me tightly, even though i can’t see you any more I’m losing my way again I’m praying to the sky i want see you and hold you more that i want to see you and hold you more It can’t be if it’s not you i can’t be without you it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this it’s fine even if my heart’s hurts yes because i’m just in love with you i cannot send you away one more time i can’t live without you it can’t be if it’s not you i can’t be without you it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like thisit’s fine even if my heart’s hurts yes because i’m just in love with you my bruised heart is screaming to me to find you where are you?can’t you hear my voice?to me…if i live my life again if i’m born over and over again i can’t live without you for a day You’re the one i will keep you’re the one i will love i’m…yes because i’m happy enough if i could be with you
There it is, I can’t describe how much I love your song, it’s very meaningful, what if I said the meaing of the song fits perfectly with the situation I’m facing now? What about you? Anyway, did I sing it beautifully? I hope I did.
Wookie, before I go, I have something to tell you. Please remember, it’s only you who I love and I will always love, Kim Ryeowook, please wait for me in the next life. If only, I said if, I was given another chance, the first sentence I would say to you is “I LOVE YOU”. Good bye Wookie, my love.
-------------
Without any warning, both Sungmin’s and Kyuhyun’s face were wet from the tears, Sungmin could understand the meaning of the song written by Ryeowook clearly, it stated all of her feelings, and it fit perfectly.
Kyuhyun then lifted Ryeowook’s diary and said, “I found this in Jongwoon hyung’s embrace.”
“It’s Wookie’s diary!” Sungmin said.
Then they began to read from the first page.
Dairy #1
Starting from today, you, this book will be my soul, Ryeonggoo, I name you this. I don’t know how long this life of mine will last, I just want to save all my memories before I am gone without coming back, never ever coming back, I just want someone to accompany me, you might think why not Sungmin’s, obviously, she has her boyfriend, I don’t want to bug her happy life after all.
Dairy #2
Ryeonggoo, today I went to check my situation again, doctor said I was getting worse, he said the most effective solution is try not to be stressed, and I’ve got an idea, I’ll begin to read novels since I like them anyway. I actually don’t have anything to be stressed with, maybe I keep thinking about this illness? Awww, I don’t care anymore, I have to make my life happier :D
Dairy #3
Annyeong~~~ today is the last day of semester one, and as you know, I can be taken anytime without warning. To be honest, today, I saw Sungmin and her boyfriend being lovely-dovey together, I'm kind of jealous, but well, who cares? We will be having a week off, yay!!
Dairy #4
Today, umma took me to go shopping and bought many things, I was out of energy and almost fainted again but luckily I was with umma so yeah, nothing happened at all.
Sungmin flipped the book few more pages, Ryeowook never forgot to note down every day, even though it was just a simple day. Sungmin continued flipping until she caught an entry which seemed different from the others
Dairy #8
Ryeonggoo, I’m back from school, how are you? It is our first day with semester two. I’m kind of pissed today, ya know, today there was a new transfer student, his name is Jongwoon, feels like a Cloud, right? Hahaha, but well, he looks handsome, and his voice is sweet, I almost fainted not because of that damn illness. Anyway, one more thing, he kept bugging me the whole day about everything, and don’t need to doubt why Sungmin didn’t help me, she kept clinging with that top student, Kyuhyun.
That’s it for today, Ryeonggoo, I shall finish reading that novel tonight, I go to read now then I’ll sleep, you sleep too, sleep tight.
P.S: feel somehow happy today, but don’t know the reason.
Dairy #9
Ryeonggoo!! How ya feel today? Well? I guess you are well, but I am not, I feel so dizzy now, I should have been sleeping but I’m afraid that I can’t remember things clearly like I do now. In fact, I’ve had medicine just now, so I guess I can still handle until I finish telling you about today.
I have 2 things to tell you though one is good whereas another one is bad (the typical one). I actually am happy when thinking about this, guess? I scored a point in basketball today, don’t ask me why, I don’t know either. Maybe it was because of him? Remember the new transfer student? Namely, Jongwoon. He said to me “At least, show me that you can do it, Miss” after he shot the ball into the hoop directly. I then gathered all my strength and yeah, I did it. However, to be honest, he looked so handsome then. By the way, we are friends now and without me knowing it, I am happy by that new friendship. That’s it for the good news.
At the very mean time, while I was trying to shoot the ball into the hoop, I felt my head became heavier and heavier but I tried my best to ignore it, I don’t want to show my weakness to him. *sigh* I don’t want to talk anything further about that *sigh*. Let’s sleep, I don’t wanna be scolded by umma again. Night!
Diary #10
It’s another day with a sports session, the same as last time, I couldn’t shoot the ball until Jongwoon was beside me, I really can’t understand why he affects me a lot. Do I love him? Maybe? And just like normal, my head was hurting after I played basketball, but this time, it was more serious, I fainted, fortunately it was when I arrived home already that umma could help me.
I’m very clueless of how long this life will last, but maybe because of you, Jongwoon, that I choose to try to survive as long as I can. My heart told me that, maybe, just maybe, this heart of mine has fallen for you already.
By then, Sungmin and Kyuhyun continued reading a few more pages that most of them had Jongwoon involved in. They started to understand more and more about Ryeowook’s feeling toward Sungmin’s cousin, Jongwoon. Suddenly, the two almost screamed their lungs out because of an entry.
Diary #15
I’ve just found out that Jongwoon does play piano and also is able to sing, I really admire him, and just to mention, this my type, my ideal boy, as well, because of this, I am now sure that I have fallen for that guy. But! What is the point of knowing my feelings when another truth has been revealed? He told me that he would be going to Sungmin’s place, everything is just very suspicious. Just when I was thinking too much, once again, I fainted.
I was lucky again that Jongwoon was there too when I fainted, finally he saw me faint, I know that this day would come sooner or later, but I didn’t expect that it would be this soon. It kind of sucked when he asked me why I fainted, but I managed to tell him a lie without him having any suspicions.
When umma came back, both Jongwoon and Sungmin left, there, another doubt on my mind, when Jongwoon left, his stare toward me was kind of… worried ? Was it only me who felt that? But but but what does he mean by that worried look? What about Sungmin?
Ryeonggoo, I now feel very dizzy again. It seems to occur too often lately. What should I do? Is avoiding the best way for me in my situation? I don’t know, I really don’t.
Diary #16
Umma took me to hospital to check up my illness, the doctor said he didn’t believe that it was getting worse so fast, he asked me why. I just said that because of studying since it is my last year, I successfully lied to them. How could I tell him and umma that maybe because I am heartbroken? That’s impossible, of course.
Diary #17
I can’t believe it.
Last week, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw Ryeowook, yeah that’s me, she looked normal, but from day to day, I cannot seem to recognize that girl in the mirror anymore.
Today when I went to school, Jongwoon, once again with a worried tone, asked me why I looked so pale, I lied again, I said I didn’t have enough sleep lately because we were about to graduate. But what does he mean by that? He likes Sungmin, doesn’t he? What is with those concerns of his?
Diary #18
Ryeonggoo, I finally got my certificate, I can’t believe that I could get it.
Maybe, I have presumed that Jongwoon really likes Sungmin because of their actions, they look very good together, Jongwoon usually walks Sungmin home every time Kyuhyun isn’t available. I somehow wonder what Sungmin is thinking. But I believe in her, she will make a right decision.
What a surprise event for today that Jongwoon told me he would be going to continue his studies abroad, after that, once again wonder had appeared in my mind, the last word he said, he told me to stay healthy? Why?
Diary #19
It’s Jongwoon’s departure day, how I wish I could be there to send him off at the airport, but I couldn’t, even though I know that I am not the one he wants to see, but I want to see him, I may not be able to see him again.
But how can I go when I am lying on a hospital bed, the doctor had said that there was another way to prolong my life is to undergo an operation. He added that it could only prolong my life, it couldn’t heal the damn illness fully. But because of wanting to wait for Jongwoon, I decided to take it, and here I am, waiting for the operation to happen tomorrow, this is the only chance I have to make it and to be able to wait for the only person I have fallen for.
They all don’t know about this, only my family, I don’t want them to know so they won’t worry about me, I told them that we would be going to take an oversea trip for a month. And this operation will remain a secret.
Sungmin’s tears flowed more and more, there was no sign that she would be able to stop it. Kyuhyun didn’t know what to do so he just stood there hugging Sungmin and gave her his support.
They then read a few more pages which were all written about the time Ryeowook spent in the hospital. Oh how sad it was that Ryeowook was there alone.
“Wookie, why didn’t you tell us? Why? I am your best friend for goodness’s sake, you should have told us everything, you wouldn’t be suffering so much, why? I really don’t understand why?” Sungmin mumbled in Kyuhyun’s embrace.
“Kyu, why? Why did this have to happen to her?” Sungmin said.
Diary #31
I finally came back home, I feel a lot better, when I looked in the mirror again this evening, that girl in the mirror is me, Ryeowook, not the pale one anymore. I will be able to wait for his comeback, right?
I’ll become a composer soon after I finish my university. Can I say something? I miss him a lot, that he named Jongwoon, I really do.
I wonder how he is doing now, is he fine? He does eat a lot, doesn’t he? How does he look right now? Must be more handsome, right? Haha, I don’t know but I suddenly smile when imagining him.
Diary #32
Ryeonggoo, moving on to university, awww, so much homework, but there is a good point from that, it distracts me from missing him, Jongwoon, even though it makes me tired but physical tiredness doesn’t affect my illness so much. Although I get distracted but still, I can’t forget the feelings, missing and waiting.
By the way, Sungmin still doesn’t know about my illness, well, because I didn’t tell her, I don’t want her to worry about me.
Although Sungmin was having a hard time continuing reading the diary of Ryeowook because she was still sobbing and sniffing, but she kept reading it, she found out that some entries were about her daily life, Ryeowook wrote almost every piece of her activities down in her soul, Ryeonggoo. And one thing that Ryeowook never forgot to write down is “Jongwoon, I miss you. This life is waiting for you.” And that caused Sungmin to cry to even harder.
Diary #40
Ryeonggoo~~~ good news!! Sungmin and I were told to have contract with an entertainment company, I will her composer, and all my composed songs will be sung by her.
How I hope that he was here so that we could share the happiness together just like Sungmin shared it with Kyuhyun, maybe not the same way as them as a couple, but just friends, we can also do it, can’t we?
Diary #45
It seems like I usually have good news to tell you, right Ryeonggoo? More good news, today Sungmin got another award for singing the song I composed for her. I am very happy with that :D
At the same time where Sungmin’s popularity is getting known wider and wider around the world, there is news about a very famous male singer from Aussie, his name is Yesung. I was so surprised the first time I saw his face, guess why? He is Jongwoon, Kim Jongwoon, the one who I have been waiting for ages. The reason is that Yesung is his stage name.
When I saw him on TV, oh how happy I was, it seemed like there is no suitable words to be used to describe my feelings. He looks so damn handsome now.
Diary #46
After the occurrence of that operation, I have been very good even though sometimes I feel a little bit dizzy for times. So I just ignore it until one time, I fainted while I was trying to compose another new song for Sungmin. I found myself lying in hospital bed when I woke up, suddenly, the feeling which I haven’t had for a long time happened to me again. The unsecured feeling that I can be taken anytime came back again. When I asked the doctor, he replied saying it could only prolong, it couldn’t heal. By saying that, I felt down because I haven’t achieved what I’ve been thinking yet, meeting him.
Diary #49
Two days in the hospital wasn’t comfortable at all, Sungmin, of course, wondered why, but what the hell? I lied to her again; I said I just caught a serious cold that I needed to stay in the hospital. When I came back home, the first thing I did was look in the mirror, and from what I saw, that pale girl has come back.
Diary #50
Before something bad can happen, I am now trying to make one more good song for Sungmin. I hope I can make it. Meanwhile, Jongwoon asked me to compose a song for him and he also told me that he would come back in just a month.
Ryeonggoo, just one more month, the face I have missed so much will appear in front of me. I am still happy even though I know that he doesn’t have the same feelings as me. But seeing him face to face again is my only one purpose of this unsecured life.
I am now in the progress of composing Sungmin a new song; I guess I will be able to finish it by tomorrow if my health doesn’t struggle very much.
Diary #51
After having the new song for Sungmin composed, I started the song for him. It is completely different from other songs I have composed for Sungmin, this song is entirely based on my feelings, every piece of me has been put into the song, and usually it takes me time to finish a song, but not this one, it took me only a day to get it finished. “It has to be you” is the title of the song. I do believe that he will sing it perfectly. This is what desired me to make it.
When I got it done, I turned to the back of the sheet and wrote down, “Jongwoon, this is for you, and only you, I highly hope that you will like this. -Ryeowook”
Diary #55
Every day, I take out the song I composed for Jongwoon to either read or sing by myself at least once, no matter how badly my head hurts, no matter how bad I feel. I must go through it at least once with the hope of listening to him sing it once he comes back.
But, things have gone the way I never expected, yesterday, I remember that I didn't feel very well yet I still wanted to go through ‘It has to be you’. While I was in the middle, I suddenly didn’t feel anything, everything was dark, and the time when my vision came back, I just knew that I fainted once again, for some reason, I almost faint every day, I know what situation I am in. I doubt if I can hear him sing it.
Diary #56
I am now home alone, umma has gone to buy the medicine for me. My head is very heavy, extremely heavy, my hand shakes so much.
There is nothing much I can do nowadays, I can’t even write properly, my letters look so ugly now, I want to write only one sentence which I have never got a chance to say outloud.
“I love you, Jongwoon
By the time Sungmin and Kyuhyun finished the last entry, silence covered everything, only the sound of sobbing and sniffing. “Why is there only quotation?” Kyuhyun said.
“Maybe Wookie’s hand was too shaky that she couldn’t even finish it, or maybe He took her from us without even letting her to finish her last entry,” Sungmin replied in between the sobs and sniffs.
Last but not least, Sungmin put back Ryeonggoo and Jongwoon’s phone back in front of Ryeowook’s and Jongwoon’s gravestones, they then turned around and starting to walk away leaving the two gravestones to be together peacefully.
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