CHINGUX 2014: another unbelievable night with the boys (1/1) for gdgdbaby
Title: Another Unbelievable Night With The Boys
Author: bookishvice
Recipient: gdgdbaby
Pairing: Chan/Baek/Chen/Soo OT4 Brotp
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Talk about sex and sexual situations. Cursing.
Length: 5,800
Summary: After being arrested for running red light, having an alcoholic drink open in the backseat, and indecent exposure, Kyungsoo, Chen, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol have to figure out a way out of jail in time to get to the Halloween party of the year. A party where Soo’s soon-to-be boyfriend awaits.
Jail is not for Heroes.
Kyungsoo groans and shoves his head further into his arms. He shifts in his seat, trying to relieve some of the itchy sensation in his newly hairless areas. It’d been Baek’s suggestion that he’d go commando as a return surprise for Jongin. But a combination of his anxiety at being arrested and the faulty AC at the station has him sweating in his pirate costume. Sweat and cheap cloth rubbing against sensitive skin has Kyungsoo rethinking his life choices. And his friend choices, too. Why does he always get into these types of situations? Why does he always listen to them?
That’s right. The four of them-Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Chen, and him-are in jail. In jail and not at Jongin’s party where the younger male waits for him with a surprise. A surprise which Kyungsoo had very much been looking forward to; so much, in fact, that he’d followed Chen’s advice and shaved e-ve-ry-thing.
He groans again.
“Breathe, baby bird,” Chen says and pats his back too hard.
Kyungsoo looks up and glares at his friend. “This is all your fault.”
Chen draws back, hand on the tight, sleeveless jacket covering his chest. “My fault? Let’s see. Who didn’t want to stop for a bathroom break, forcing Baekhyun to whip out Baek Jr. in the backseat and try to pee into a bottle?”
“Me, but-”
“Who suggested the idea of emptying that alcohol bottle and using it as a portable potty?”
Kyungsoo frowns. “I did, but only because-”
“And who was it that ran the red light and got us pulled over in the first place?”
“Me again, but-”
Chen’s kittenish grin makes an appearance. “So, I think, for once, this is all your fault, baby bird.”
Kyungsoo growls and pushes him off the bench.
Agile as always, Chen gets up in a smooth move before he hits the floor and walks over to where Baek and Yeol are. The two are clinging to the cell bars, trying to convince Xiumin to let them go. Kyungsoo had tuned out the annoying whines and pleas hours ago, and yet the two are still at it. It’s a miracle Xiumin hasn’t cracked yet, but the cop seems to have a deep well of does-not-give-a-fuck.
“Xiumin. Minnie. Xiu-man, my man.” Baek cradles his Iron Man mask under his arm so he can gesture with one hand. “We are at the peak of our college years. Soon enough, all of this,” he points to their costumes, “will not be possible. We’ll have to dress properly, go to regular jobs, and behave.”
Chanyeol whimpers like a puppy. Kyungsoo really wants to kick him and give him a reason to whimper. If he hadn’t bought that jumbo slushy and shared it with Baek, the other wouldn’t have had to pee in the first place. They’ve been together for over a year now, how hard is it to remember Baek has a tea-cup sized bladder?
Baek pats Yeol’s back and then looks back at the cop. “Are you so cruel that you would deprive us of one last chance to be free?”
Xiumin is having none of it. He takes a sip of his coffee and shoves another cookie into his mouth, before turning back to his pc where he’s watching an anime about a swimming team. Kyungsoo makes a mental note to search for the name to watch it once he gets back home.
He’s pretty sure that after tonight, he will have lots of free time. Jongin will no doubt kick his sorry ass to the curve and tell him to get lost. Then he will go back to the dorms with a pint of cookies ‘n cream ice cream and put on a new anime to keep him company while he mopes. A swimming team anime will cure his heart right up.
Jongin….
Oh god, who is he kidding. He is moping already and no amount of ice cream or anime will make him forget the sexiest guy he has ever met. The guy with the coffee skin, the sinful lips, and the brightest smile ever. Fuck. What was supposed to be a one-night stand, something to get back in the game, had turned into something more when Jongin asked him to stay for breakfast the morning after. The guy had almost burned his own kitchen trying to cook him breakfast, but it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for Kyungsoo. It felt good to be taken care of, for once.
Just thinking about it makes him choke up.
The moment is ruined by a loud clatter. Kyungsoo looks up to see Baek about to throw his mask against the bars, but Yeol stops him. “You’ll scratch it, you idiot,” he says. “And I don’t want to hear you moan about it every time you see it back home.”
Baek pulls back and arches an eyebrow. “Oh? So it’s okay for you to moan loud enough to wake the neighbors but I can’t make a sound?”
The tips of Chanyeol’s big ears turn red, and he whacks Baek with his fake Thor hammer. “Would you shut up?”
“Why? It’s not like Chen and Soo don’t know about this,” Baek says. “I’m pretty sure they heard you last night when I begged you to scream for me. Didn’t you boys?”
“Leave me out of this,” Kyungsoo says. He had heard last night. And almost every other night before that since the two had hooked up a year ago.
“I already bought new ear plugs,” Chen comments casually, “so you don’t have to worry about it next time.”
Kyungsoo makes a mental note to steal those too just to make Chen suffer.
“See? It’s all good, baby,” Baek says with a big smile. “We can moan and scream all we want.”
Chanyeol whacks him again, harder. “Shut up!”
“Oh come on! It’s not as if you don’t get off at the thought of people seeing or hearing us.” Baek leans against the bars. “Remember the gym showers?”
Kyungsoo grimaces. “Public sex? Ugh.”
Baek tuts and shakes a finger at him. “Don’t hate it until you try it.”
“I’d need a boyfriend for that first,” Soo says. “And thanks to you guys, I’m not getting him!”
The guys ignore his outburst.
“It was a-a spur of the moment thing. And t-the showers were empty,” Chanyeol says to Baek, flushing even more. “I made sure they were empty.”
“They were,” Baek grins, “but remember how I made you believe someone had come in and we had to hurry? You liked that didn’t you?”
Chanyeol turns as red as his Thor cape and mumbles something.
“Truth is,” Baek continues, “someone did come in.”
“WHAT!” Chanyeol bellows.
“Keep it down, please,” Xiumin calls out without even turning to see what all the fuss is about.
“Don’t worry,” Baek says in all seriousness. “We gave him a great show.”
Chen nods. “That you did. Though I have to say, Yeol, your technique could use a little bit of adjusting. I could teach you-”
Chanyeol launches himself at Chen, but Baek tackles him to the ground first and a fight ensues. Baek is laughing like a maniac. Yeol is roaring like a bear.
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. It’s how it always starts….
Chen goes around the fighting pair and nears the bars. “You know, Min. Jail is not for heroes. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you have here: Hawkeye-that’s me, Chen-professionally sexy and deadly.” He points to the grappling match in the center of the cell. “Over there is Thor, the magnificent and very gay Asgardian prince and Iron Man, billionaire extraordinaire and 24/7 smart mouth. Also gay.”
Chanyeol is tangled in his own red cape. “Fuck, Baek! Why does my cape smell like pee?”
Baek struggles to hold him down. “Woops. I might have dripped in the backseat earlier.”
Chanyeol screams. “Oh my god! Is that what these stains are? I thought it was slushy! You ruined my cape! Fuck you, Baek!”
“As if you don’t do that everyday!” Baek unclasps the red cape and pulls it hard, making Thor roll on the floor. Once the cape is in his hands, he waves it around in a taunt.
“Stop sharing our intimate moments!” When he regains his bearings and stands, Chanyeol huffs like a bull and charges at Baek who moves away at the last minute. Thor crashes into the bars on the other side.
A subtle pounding begins at Kyungsoo’s temples. Oh, yeah, it’s started….
Chen continues his show-and-tell over all the ruckus. “The sulking one on the bench was supposed to be Hulk, but he opted out and dressed as a Pirate Hooker to please his drop dead gorgeous future boyfriend.” Kyungsoo growls but Chen is already turning back to Xiumin. “Now, the problem is, he will not get said boyfriend if he doesn’t make it to the party on time. And if that happens…well, he will hulk out. And let me tell you, my friend, you do not want him to hulk out.”
Xiumin looks on with a bored gaze. “Good argument. I would have even considered releasing him, but…heroes behave. And those two are misbehaving.”
Kyungsoo’s blood starts to boil the second Xiumin turns back to the computer screen, earbuds firmly in place. Time to end it….
Kyungsoo launches from the bench onto Chanyeol’s back. The taller one almost tumbles back from the weight, but manages to catch his footing. Not for long though. Kyungsoo applies his deadly lucha libre head-lock move and brings him down anyways.
Chanyeol gurgles something like a plea, and slams his hand against the ground repeatedly. Kyungsoo plays with him a bit more and then releases.
Next up is Baek. Kyungsoo rises from where he’s left Yeol coughing and crying, and advances on the other, plastic-and-foam Mjolnir in hand.
Iron Man backs away, trying to hide behind Hawkeye. Chen pushes him away and retreats to a corner, well away from the death zone. “Calm down, Soo,” Baek says. “We’re just trying to help you-”
“Help! Hah!” Kyungsoo’s laugh is flat. “More like trying to ruin my life.”
“Oh shit!” Baek slams on his Iron Man helmet just in time.
Homemade-Mjolnir crashes against the side of it, almost dislodging the visor. Kyungsoo pulls back for another hit, this time with an upward stroke. With Baek retreating, the blow isn’t as hard, but the helmet still comes half-off Baek’s face.
“Mother fuck-” Baek trips on Chanyeol who’s still on the ground. His Iron Man suit scratches all over the floor and against the metal inserts of Chanyeol’s Thor costume.
Kyungsoo is satisfied until he hears Chen’s light chuckle from behind.
Chen wraps an arm around his shoulders and grabs his armed hand in a tight grip, preventing him from getting a clean hit. “We are all very sorry, okay? And if you let us, we can find a way out of here.”
Kyungsoo relents. “If you ruin this for me…I will never forgive you.” He looks at the other two on the floor. “Any of you.”
A concerned glance comes from Chen. “Baby bird, I’m sure Jongin will understand once you explain it to him. He’s not going to abandon you like the last one did.”
“Don’t. Just don’t.” Kyungsoo pushes away from him and goes back to the bench. He throws the hammer at the two on the floor, hitting Yeol right in the face.
A True Mastermind.
At around one a.m., they bring in two more guys into their cell. A tall black-haired one that glares so hard at everything Chen believes if the guy concentrates hard enough, his piercings will shoot out of his ears and brow and stab them all in the neck. His companion, a skinny kid with wiry muscles and tattoos, keeps a blank and bored face, but Chen doesn’t miss the bulge in the guys pants. Is that a gun or his…?
“Phone call.”
Xiumin grunts. “Go ahead.”
Mr. Intense Glare walks to the cop’s desk and picks up the phone. His companion goes to the corner at the other end of the cell.
“Wait. What?” Baek’s armor creaks when he stands from beside Kyungsoo where he’d gone to soothe and apologize to the little man. “Hey! Don’t we get a phone call, too?”
Xiumin arches an eyebrow at him. “I already called your frat leader. He agreed with me, and you four get to spend the night and think about your actions.”
Baek and Yeol groan in sync. It’s unnerving when they do that. Kyungsoo just covers his head in his hands again and slumps.
Chen smiles. They’ve really messed this up big time, but he has no doubt they’ll find out a way out of it or more accurately-he pats the weapons pouch strapped to his waist-he will find them a way out.
Mr. Pierced Brow slams his fist on the desk. “Joonmyun! You better not think of cashing in that win! You did this on purpose, you asshole!”
“Okay, buddy. Times up.” Xiumin grabs the guys arm and pulls him. Chen thinks the cop is either really brave or really stupid.
“I want my car back, Joon! If I find out you’ve scratched my baby, I will end you!” Slamming the phone into the receiver, the guy finally let himself be led back into the cell.
Xiumin locks the bars and yawns. “You lot play nice now.” He shuffles back behind his desk, puts on the earbuds and starts to laugh at something on the computer screen.
Chanyeol says suddenly, “You used your call to insult someone?”
Mr. Angry actually growls. “Got a problem with that?”
“Nope. None.” Thor backs away, twirling his now dented hammer and whistles a tune.
Chen stays by their cell side, but keeps an eye on the two newcomers. His plan is already crystal clear in his mind, he just needs to make sure it is a cellphone in the guy’s pants and not his-
“Luhan said he’d pick us up in the morning,” the lanky brunette says.
“Fucking great.” Mr. Pierced Brows kicks their metal bench, and the edge of it actually bends under the hit. “We need to get out of here. We can’t let Joon get away with this.”
Chen walks to the center of their small cell, glancing at Xiumin and making sure the cop’s attention is still otherwise occupied. “I have a plan to get us out,” he says, surprising everyone just as he likes to do. “But it requires the use of that phone Lanky over there just shoved into his pants.”
The brunette makes a face, his lips pulling flat across and down at the edges. It’s disturbing. He wants to comment on it, but since his plan depends on their cooperation, Chen keeps his mouth nice and shut.
“You will get all of us out, yes?” Mr. Darkness asks.
Chen nods.
Mr. Black-haired Ninja thinks it over a bit longer before nodding. The Disturbing One shoves his hands into his pants and presents the phone.
Chen takes it with the tip of his fingers and shoves it into Baek’s hands who almost drops it. “Fucking gross, man,” he says. “I’m not putting this anywhere near my ear.”
Chen rolls his eyes. “Just call Lay and tell him to bring the Betsy Special.”
“This is no time to order pizza!” Kyungsoo yells.
Chen rushes over and covers Soo’s mouth to stop the yelling. The little Hulk Pirate actually tries to bite him. Chen grabs Thor’s cape and throws it over the little demon, holding the edges down so the other doesn’t get it off. The smell of pee is overwhelming and he gags.
Chanyeol grins and comes over to help. “A Betsy? I love how you think,” he says.
Baek’s already dialing, trying his best not to touch too much of the phone. “Lay, hi! Yeah, we’re at the station. No, no. We don’t want you to bail us out. We just want pizza. Yeah, the Betsy Special.” Iron Man taps his plastic-armored foot impatiently. “Yes, I know what that is. Yes, I’m sure. Extra milk if you can manage.”
“Betsy Special?” the Brunette Weird-ling asks, followed by his companion, who says, “Milk?”
“Milk-like. Laxative. Milk comes from cows. Betsy the cow.” Chen levels a look at their two not-so-bright cellmates. “It’s not funny when I have to explain it.”
“And you’ve used this before?” Mr. Tall and Deadly says.
“On a professor and on Kyungsoo’s two-timing ex-boyfriend,” Chen says. The blank look he receives from the other two guests makes him realize they haven’t introduced themselves to their temporary allies. “Thor here by my side is Chanyeol. Iron Man is Baek. And the psycho trapped under this cape is Kyungsoo. I’m Chen. Nice to meet you.”
“I’m Tao,” Raven Hair says. “This here is Sehun. I think we’ve seen you guys around campus.”
Chen turns and faces them fully, giving them a once over. “Oh, you guys go to our campus? No no. I’m not insulting your intellectual capacity just that we’ve never seen you before. It’s a shame we don’t run in the same circles.”
“What are you getting at, frat boy?” Tao asks, stepping in closer.
“Simply that we’re not into illegal car racing.” Chen grins and extends his hand to him. “Yet.”
Tao frowns at the offer of friendship for a beat too long. Sehun nudges him and the dark look vanished from the other. Finally, Tao shakes Chen’s hand.
College is all about making the right friends.
Suddenly, Kyungsoo slumps forward and Chen has to catch him. He takes off the red cape from the younger’s body.
“Shit, did he pass out?” Chanyeol asks.
“He’ll be fine,” Chen says.
Chanyeol looks up with panicked eyes. “But we won’t once he wakes up.”
It takes a full forty-five minutes for Lay to get his ass and the special pizza to the station. By then, Xiumin has finished whatever cheesy cartoon he was watching, and is now throwing a tennis ball at the wall.
Lay saunters in, music blasting from his headphones and pizza box in hand like a waiter with a tray. He looks at the bunch of them inside the cell and winks really big. Lay is never subtle.
“Delivery!” he announces, but then freezes when he sees the cop. “Minnie?”
Xiumin looks confused. “Hey, Lay. I didn’t order any pizza.”
“Y-yes, you did! I mean, someone did! Ha ha ha-ha.” Lay’s laugh is full of nervous energy and Chen has to resist the urge to groan. He must know Xiumin from somewhere. This complicates things. Lay never hurts friends or people he knows, not even for a greater cause.
“I didn’t order anything,” Xiumin gets up from his seat. “Are you sure you didn’t mix up the order? Here, let me see your notebook.”
Lay has no choice but to take out the beat up notebook he uses to keep track of his deliveries and hand it to Xiumin. Chen prays Lay was smart enough not to write this particular order down.
Lay wrings his hands. “Uh….”
Chen coughs loudly gaining his attention. By way of intricate signs, that he’s pretty sure Lay isn’t understanding at all, he tries to communicate the urgency of their plan. This isn’t just a greater cause. It’s the ultimate quest to unite two people, the blossoming of Kyungsoo’s ability to love again, the beginning of a soul-deep romance. Chen hopes lay is understanding all his mimics, because otherwise he is just looking ridiculous for nothing.
In the end, Lay pouts in defeat and slides the pizza box onto Xiumin’s desk. “Oh well. You know the rule. If I make a mistake, then the pizza is free. Enjoy!” He power walks out of the room.
“Wait, Lay!” Xiumin sets the forgotten notebook down. He peeks inside the pizza box while scratching his blonde hair. “Can’t let this go to waste now, can I?”
Ten minutes after Xiumin swallows the last bite of his third slice, he jumps out of his seat and clasps his bottom. He whimpers loudly and dashes away. Down the hall, the bathroom door closes with a resounding boom.
Chen grins and looks at the others. “Phase one, complete.”
Avengers Assemble Escape!
If the Iron Man costume hadn’t cost two full paychecks, he would’ve dumped the suit already. He is so hot inside the thing that he can feel the rivulets of sweat sliding down every crease and cranny of his naked body. The only thing gathering up the sweat underneath the black mesh is the matching red thong he chose for the occasion. And even that is completely soaked.
But that’s not the problem.
The problem is the thong has somehow rolled in on itself and now has his jewels in a vice. He’s tried shifting, kicking out with his leg, shaking his booty, but nothing works. He is about to not so subtly wedge a finger between the suit plates of his ass to pull at it, when Kyungsoo screams. It’s a high-pitched undignified sound.
Chen has a long piece of red cloth in his hands, the red sash that previously held Kyungsoo’s pirate pantaloons up. But now he’s holding them like his life and dignity depended on it. Which they do. “What the hell are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks. “And what the hell happened to me? My head feels woozy.”
“You passed out from lack of oxygen,” Chanyeol says.
“More like from Baek’s pungent pee on your cape,” Chen mutters as he measures the distance between the cell bars.
“I will murder you,” Kyungsoo stands, but the pantaloons start to drop and he yelps. He holds them back up and sits back down. “I will murder all of you…later.”
“I need a good angle for this,” Chen says, completely ignoring Kyungsoo’s threat. Baek doesn’t know how he does it-ignore little Satan like that. Kyungsoo is terrifying when he’s out for vengeance.
“A good angle for what?” Baek asks, leaving his thong problem aside for a second. When Chen has a plan going on, it’s better to be fully informed and on board.
“To get the keys,” Chen says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He does that a lot.
“And how exactly are you doing this?” Chen digs around in the silly pouch at his waist and brings out a- “Is that a mini crossbow?” Baek asks.
“Oh my god, why did I even get my hopes up?” Kyungsoo covers his face with one hand as he always does. And it’s cute. So so cute. It’s probably why they keep him around. That and because he cooks. Without him they’d starve.
Chen laughs. “Chill, baby bird. It’ll work.” He rips the sash again, and ties the ends to make a longer, thinner piece. He ties this to one of the mini arrows. “Now, Baek, come over here.”
Baek approaches him cautiously. “You are not ripping any piece of my armor. This shit was expensive.”
“Relax, I just need you to lift me up,” Chen says.
“Then ask Chanyeol. He’s the tower.”
Chanyeol crosses his arms where he sits by Kyungsoo. “I am not helping the sex voyeur with anything.”
“First, you liked it. Second, you’re too tall for this anyways,” Chen says and then turns to Baek. “Now, come on, we don’t have all night.”
Baek kneels and has to hold in a whimper as his thong pulls even more. Shit! Hoping that the thing rips from so much strain and releases him is useless. He’s always bough expensive undies-great material, great feel. It would take industrial scissors to rip them.
Chen clambers onto his shoulders and Baek rises with a grunt. He tries not move too much less the vice tighten.
“Okay, move to the left.”
Baek slides over an inch.
“The other left….”
Dammit. Baek changes direction.
“Get closer to the bars.”
He does. Fuck it hurts!
“Don’t move.”
Baek freezes on the spot. He’s sweating again and he’s pretty sure that if he looks down, he will see the rivers of sweat running between the cracks in his armor. Oh god and his balls. They ache and not in a pleasant way. “Could you hurry up? You’re kind of heavy.”
“Need help?” Chanyeol comes closer and places his big hands on Baek’s hips, steadying him.
“Don’t move,” Chen says again before he fires the arrow. It goes sailing like a streamer at a party and hits the wall just above the desk where the keys are. Carefully not to tear the ribbon, he pulls it back.
It takes five tries for the arrow to go through the big round keychain, and by then Baek is ready to strip. His legs are trembling, his arms ache, and the evil thong has his nether regions in such a chokehold that he can’t feel them anymore. “I c-can’t.”
“Just a bit longer, babe,” Yeol says at his back. “We just need to make sure it doesn’t-”
“I really, really can’t,” he says and starts lowering Chen, but his knees give out and they both tumble to the floor.
The others’ dismayed yells echo around him. When he gets up, he sees the problem. The ribbon fell out of Chen’s hand and the tip of it now lies on the floor outside the cell.
“Couldn’t you have held on for a bit longer?” Chen asks as he untangles himself from Baek.
“I’m burning up. I can’t.” Baek starts taking off his suit. To hell with getting the keys. To hell with getting out of prison. He needs to get out of the suit now. “Yeol, please…help me get this off.”
Chanyeol comes over and starts unzipping the black mesh at his back, but he stops somewhere around his lower back. “Babe, did you go comando?”
“What? No. Who the hell goes commando underneath a costume?” he asks.
Kyungsoo’s coughs, still sitting at his bench.
Baek grabs the shoulder plates and pulls, but it feels like he’s pulling the carpet off a floor. The mesh sticks to his skin, pulling almost painfully when he tries to undress. His heart rate picks up. “Chanyeol, help.”
Baek notices Tao and Sehun move over next to Chen, but he is too busy trying to pry the mesh away from his skin. Between him and Yeol, they manage to take off the entire top part of the suit, but now that he’s started, he wants it all off. He starts pulling it further down his body.
“What are you doing?” Yeol hisses.
“I need air.” And the air does feel heavenly against his ass cheeks. Baek crooks a finger under the thong a pulls it, letting out a loud sigh of relief. His gonads are alive! The suit and evil mesh from hell clatter to the floor and he stands in the middle of the cell in nothing but a red thong.
Yeol looks like he wants to be swallowed by the floor.
“Oh my fucking god,” Kyungsoo says. “What the actual fuck? Why did you strip?”
Baek only grins and adjust his package, no shame whatsoever. It’s not like the others haven’t gotten an eyeful or two of him at the dorms. And the two newcomers seem uninterested in him. Their loss.
Tao and Sehun lie on the ground, pulling the red string-which they’d apparently thrown again-and this time, the keys finally reach the bars.
Chen picks them up and turns around. Either ignoring Baek’s state of undress or unfazed by it, he says, “Time to go!”
Heroes get the Girl Boy
That they manage to escape is a feat of epic proportions that will go down in his diary as “another unbelievable night with the boys.” It’s an entry he will write right after he punishes Baek for stripping in front of everyone like that. Chanyeol had been forced to wrap his boyfriend in his soiled Thor cape as they made their way out of the station. It helped. Sort of. The image of Baek in a red thong is still branded into his mind, and he’s pretty sure into everyone else’s minds.
Even Xiumin’s eyes had been violated by the sight when he’d come half-zombie-like from the bathroom. Poor thing had run to the toiled before he could even take a step in their direction to stop them. Before leaving, Chanyeol had made sure to hand an extra roll of toilet paper to the cop, who had then sobbed out a thanks.
After leaving the station, Tao and Sehun call their friend, Luhan to come pick them up. Luhan, or Lulu as they call him, is a “young kid with a girly face” who punches Chen on the balls when he voices that opinion. The three young men take Chen, Baek, Soo, and him to their car, which had been left right where Xiumin arrested them some eight hours ago.
After thanking them, the four Avengers get in Chen’s beat up Honda.
Kyungsoo buckles in and says, “Let’s go home.”
Chanyeol peers at the backseat where Soo and Baek settled. “But aren’t we going to Jongin’s so you can-”
“No! Just wake me up when we get back home.” Kyungsoo closes his eyes and pretends to falls asleep after that.
No matter how much Chanyeol wants to get Baek alone in their room-a little punishment was in order-he is not okay with leaving Kyungsoo’s business unfinished. They’ve been friends since forever and he’d been ecstatic with the news that Kyungsoo had finally gotten over his broken heart. He refuses to leave this unfinished.
Chen stares back at him and the unsaid message reaches him loud and clear. He nods and says nothing when Chen starts driving in the opposite direction of their dorm.
The ride is ridiculously short. If they hadn’t gotten pulled over the night before, they would’ve reached the party in less than twenty minutes. Chen slows down as they enter the right neighborhood and search for the house. They find it around the corner.
While anyone else would say that the house is a mess, Chanyeol sees it for what it is-great decoration skills. Pumpkins litter the entryway and peek from many of the second-floor windows. Ghosts and ghouls hang all around the porch, along with garlands and lights. Toilet paper clings to the sidewalk trees and the roof. Cups littler the grass upfront, and a keg lies on its side on the bottom step of the entrance stairs. It’s glorious.
But the party is definitely over.
There’s a single pirate in a brown and blue coat-no shirt-picking up the mess in the front yard.
“Stop the car,” Kyungsoo says shocking everyone.
How long had he been awake? Chanyeol is about to ask, but even before Chen completely stops the car, Soo jumps out of it and runs. Or tries to run, but with his pantaloons falling off and him grabbing them, it’s more like the running wobble of an overexcited ostrich.
Baek leans over to the front, resting his chin on Chanyeol’s shoulder. Yeol gives in and pets his hair once, and then, the three of them watch the magic unfold.
Jongin smiles when he recognizes Kyungsoo, a full blown, sunny smile that is impossible not to respond to. The guy lets go of the trash bag and brushes his hands down his pirate coat.
“Nervous.” Chen grins. “That’s a good sign.”
“It’s amazing to watch, right?” Chanyeol says.
Baek sighs. “So cute. They look so innocent.”
“Like when we started,” Yeol says.
“Babe, I was never innocent.”
Chanyeol shakes his head and smiles. He still can’t believe Kyungsoo can make a guy like Jongin a messy pile of nerves when Soo is usually the one too nervous to talk to anyone he likes. Not to Jongin though. The two had hit it off immediately, just like he’d planned.
Baek shuffles his head closer to Yeol’s face. “Do you think he’ll get rejected?”
“If he does, I’m kicking Jongin’s ass,” Chanyeol says, giving the car’s dash a whack with his hammer. “I did not introduce them just so he could break my best friend’s heart.”
“You did not introduce them,” Baek says.
“Yes, I did.”
Baek bites his shoulder playfully. “Literally pushing Jongin onto Kyungsoo’s lap during that party, does not count as an introduction.”
Chanyeol snorts. “Whatever. I will still kick his ass.” After putting up with all of them, Kyungsoo really deserves to be happy.
“Chill guys,” Chen says. “Give them a minute.”
Less than a minute later, Jongin grabs Kyungsoo’s cheeks and pulls him in for a kiss. Chanyeol’s pretty sure tongue is involved.
Chen smirks. “Told ya.”
Baek wipes an imaginary tear from his eye and sniffles. “Our baby bird is all grown up.”
Letting the hammer drop between his feet, Yeol asks, “Does it mean it’s time to give him the talk?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not necessary,” Chen says.
Chanyeol and Baek turn to look at him. “What do you mean?”
Chen’s kittenish grim makes an appearance and Yeol is pretty sure he doesn’t want to know anymore. “Kyungsoo never told you how he got invited to Jongin’s Halloween party, right?”
He and Baek shake their heads.
“Remember when you asked about the stain in your bedside carpet and I told you it was Kyungsoo’s fault?” Chen asks, grinning wider.
Baek nod is apprehensive. “Yeah. What of it?”
“It wasn’t Kyungsoo’s fault. It was Jongin’s.”
It takes them about two second to understand the full meaning behind Chen’s words. Yeol’s booming laugh echoes loudly inside the car. Chen climbs over him, opens the door, and pushes him out. He falls to the ground, still unable to contain himself or his laughter.
“Too loud in the car, Yeol,” Chen says. “We’ve talked about this.”
Baek opens his door and steps outside, screaming obscenities. “Kyungsoo! You little shit. Playing all innocent.” He starts in the direction where Kyungsoo and Jongin are still making out.
Chanyeol not so subtly trips him and Baek goes crashing to the ground.
“Let me go!” Baek yells, trying to untangle himself from the cape. “I’m gonna kill him for violating our carpet.”
Chanyeol sits up and laughs. He figures, after the hellish night they’ve had, at least one of them deserves a happy ending. “Calm down,” he says to Baek, pulling him close. “Let him be happy for one more day and then we can avenge our poor carpet.”
Baek glowers at him, but settles down between his legs. Yeol wraps his arms around his feisty lover.
“Hey, guys!” Kyungsoo waves at them. “Jongin says to come on inside for breakfast!”
Yeol, Baek, and Chen-who has come out of the car too-raise their fists and cheer. They close the car and meet the lovebirds on the driveway.
Jongin shakes their hands. “We have eggs, bacon, pancakes.”
“With blueberries?” Chanyeol asks.
“Or strawberries if you’d like.”
He embraces Jongin. “You’ve picked well, Soo. Don’t let him go.”
Jongin’s eyes turn into crescents as Kyungsoo’s face turns as red as his ripped pirate sash-which Chen helpfully hands over so that the pantaloons stay up.
“Hungryyyyy.” Baek pulls at Jongin repeatedly. The makeshift robe made of Thor’s cape slips off him. In less than a second, Yeol has Baek over his shoulder and is carrying him inside. No need for anyone else to see what is his.
brOTP 4ever
Jongin follows the guys inside, but Kyungsoo grabs Chen hand, forcing him to stay. It’s not often that Kyungsoo pulls any of his friends aside to talk, but whenever he does, it’s important. They all know it’s sometimes hard for him to express his mind, his feelings. So Chen patiently waits to see what the younger has to say.
“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says finally. “For pushing me to go out that day I met Jongin. For begging me to answer Jongin’s calls the week after that disastrous fist meeting. For telling me that I was worth it and that I deserved to be happy.”
Chen smiles brightly. “It’s what bros do, right? We watch each other’s backs, kick each other’s asses when needed,” he throws an arm around Kyungsoo, “and help each other with anything and everything. Even finding love.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “You know…that is the most disgustingly, zappy thing, you’ve ever said to me.”
Chen mock-gags. “Kill me now, please.”
“Guys! Let’s eat!” Baek yells from the doorway.
Chanyeol screams. “Baek! Come back inside! You’re not wearing the cape! OMG!”
Kyungsoo and Chen crack up as Baekhyun takes off running in nothing but a thong and cape, screaming Chanyeol in tow.
-----
Notes:
+To gdgdbaby, prompt said comedy and I panicked because I’m not that funny. I really hope I’ve done justice to it and I hope you like it!
+Also, big thanks to Horra for beta-ing!
Author: bookishvice
Recipient: gdgdbaby
Pairing: Chan/Baek/Chen/Soo OT4 Brotp
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Talk about sex and sexual situations. Cursing.
Length: 5,800
Summary: After being arrested for running red light, having an alcoholic drink open in the backseat, and indecent exposure, Kyungsoo, Chen, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol have to figure out a way out of jail in time to get to the Halloween party of the year. A party where Soo’s soon-to-be boyfriend awaits.
Jail is not for Heroes.
Kyungsoo groans and shoves his head further into his arms. He shifts in his seat, trying to relieve some of the itchy sensation in his newly hairless areas. It’d been Baek’s suggestion that he’d go commando as a return surprise for Jongin. But a combination of his anxiety at being arrested and the faulty AC at the station has him sweating in his pirate costume. Sweat and cheap cloth rubbing against sensitive skin has Kyungsoo rethinking his life choices. And his friend choices, too. Why does he always get into these types of situations? Why does he always listen to them?
That’s right. The four of them-Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Chen, and him-are in jail. In jail and not at Jongin’s party where the younger male waits for him with a surprise. A surprise which Kyungsoo had very much been looking forward to; so much, in fact, that he’d followed Chen’s advice and shaved e-ve-ry-thing.
He groans again.
“Breathe, baby bird,” Chen says and pats his back too hard.
Kyungsoo looks up and glares at his friend. “This is all your fault.”
Chen draws back, hand on the tight, sleeveless jacket covering his chest. “My fault? Let’s see. Who didn’t want to stop for a bathroom break, forcing Baekhyun to whip out Baek Jr. in the backseat and try to pee into a bottle?”
“Me, but-”
“Who suggested the idea of emptying that alcohol bottle and using it as a portable potty?”
Kyungsoo frowns. “I did, but only because-”
“And who was it that ran the red light and got us pulled over in the first place?”
“Me again, but-”
Chen’s kittenish grin makes an appearance. “So, I think, for once, this is all your fault, baby bird.”
Kyungsoo growls and pushes him off the bench.
Agile as always, Chen gets up in a smooth move before he hits the floor and walks over to where Baek and Yeol are. The two are clinging to the cell bars, trying to convince Xiumin to let them go. Kyungsoo had tuned out the annoying whines and pleas hours ago, and yet the two are still at it. It’s a miracle Xiumin hasn’t cracked yet, but the cop seems to have a deep well of does-not-give-a-fuck.
“Xiumin. Minnie. Xiu-man, my man.” Baek cradles his Iron Man mask under his arm so he can gesture with one hand. “We are at the peak of our college years. Soon enough, all of this,” he points to their costumes, “will not be possible. We’ll have to dress properly, go to regular jobs, and behave.”
Chanyeol whimpers like a puppy. Kyungsoo really wants to kick him and give him a reason to whimper. If he hadn’t bought that jumbo slushy and shared it with Baek, the other wouldn’t have had to pee in the first place. They’ve been together for over a year now, how hard is it to remember Baek has a tea-cup sized bladder?
Baek pats Yeol’s back and then looks back at the cop. “Are you so cruel that you would deprive us of one last chance to be free?”
Xiumin is having none of it. He takes a sip of his coffee and shoves another cookie into his mouth, before turning back to his pc where he’s watching an anime about a swimming team. Kyungsoo makes a mental note to search for the name to watch it once he gets back home.
He’s pretty sure that after tonight, he will have lots of free time. Jongin will no doubt kick his sorry ass to the curve and tell him to get lost. Then he will go back to the dorms with a pint of cookies ‘n cream ice cream and put on a new anime to keep him company while he mopes. A swimming team anime will cure his heart right up.
Jongin….
Oh god, who is he kidding. He is moping already and no amount of ice cream or anime will make him forget the sexiest guy he has ever met. The guy with the coffee skin, the sinful lips, and the brightest smile ever. Fuck. What was supposed to be a one-night stand, something to get back in the game, had turned into something more when Jongin asked him to stay for breakfast the morning after. The guy had almost burned his own kitchen trying to cook him breakfast, but it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for Kyungsoo. It felt good to be taken care of, for once.
Just thinking about it makes him choke up.
The moment is ruined by a loud clatter. Kyungsoo looks up to see Baek about to throw his mask against the bars, but Yeol stops him. “You’ll scratch it, you idiot,” he says. “And I don’t want to hear you moan about it every time you see it back home.”
Baek pulls back and arches an eyebrow. “Oh? So it’s okay for you to moan loud enough to wake the neighbors but I can’t make a sound?”
The tips of Chanyeol’s big ears turn red, and he whacks Baek with his fake Thor hammer. “Would you shut up?”
“Why? It’s not like Chen and Soo don’t know about this,” Baek says. “I’m pretty sure they heard you last night when I begged you to scream for me. Didn’t you boys?”
“Leave me out of this,” Kyungsoo says. He had heard last night. And almost every other night before that since the two had hooked up a year ago.
“I already bought new ear plugs,” Chen comments casually, “so you don’t have to worry about it next time.”
Kyungsoo makes a mental note to steal those too just to make Chen suffer.
“See? It’s all good, baby,” Baek says with a big smile. “We can moan and scream all we want.”
Chanyeol whacks him again, harder. “Shut up!”
“Oh come on! It’s not as if you don’t get off at the thought of people seeing or hearing us.” Baek leans against the bars. “Remember the gym showers?”
Kyungsoo grimaces. “Public sex? Ugh.”
Baek tuts and shakes a finger at him. “Don’t hate it until you try it.”
“I’d need a boyfriend for that first,” Soo says. “And thanks to you guys, I’m not getting him!”
The guys ignore his outburst.
“It was a-a spur of the moment thing. And t-the showers were empty,” Chanyeol says to Baek, flushing even more. “I made sure they were empty.”
“They were,” Baek grins, “but remember how I made you believe someone had come in and we had to hurry? You liked that didn’t you?”
Chanyeol turns as red as his Thor cape and mumbles something.
“Truth is,” Baek continues, “someone did come in.”
“WHAT!” Chanyeol bellows.
“Keep it down, please,” Xiumin calls out without even turning to see what all the fuss is about.
“Don’t worry,” Baek says in all seriousness. “We gave him a great show.”
Chen nods. “That you did. Though I have to say, Yeol, your technique could use a little bit of adjusting. I could teach you-”
Chanyeol launches himself at Chen, but Baek tackles him to the ground first and a fight ensues. Baek is laughing like a maniac. Yeol is roaring like a bear.
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. It’s how it always starts….
Chen goes around the fighting pair and nears the bars. “You know, Min. Jail is not for heroes. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you have here: Hawkeye-that’s me, Chen-professionally sexy and deadly.” He points to the grappling match in the center of the cell. “Over there is Thor, the magnificent and very gay Asgardian prince and Iron Man, billionaire extraordinaire and 24/7 smart mouth. Also gay.”
Chanyeol is tangled in his own red cape. “Fuck, Baek! Why does my cape smell like pee?”
Baek struggles to hold him down. “Woops. I might have dripped in the backseat earlier.”
Chanyeol screams. “Oh my god! Is that what these stains are? I thought it was slushy! You ruined my cape! Fuck you, Baek!”
“As if you don’t do that everyday!” Baek unclasps the red cape and pulls it hard, making Thor roll on the floor. Once the cape is in his hands, he waves it around in a taunt.
“Stop sharing our intimate moments!” When he regains his bearings and stands, Chanyeol huffs like a bull and charges at Baek who moves away at the last minute. Thor crashes into the bars on the other side.
A subtle pounding begins at Kyungsoo’s temples. Oh, yeah, it’s started….
Chen continues his show-and-tell over all the ruckus. “The sulking one on the bench was supposed to be Hulk, but he opted out and dressed as a Pirate Hooker to please his drop dead gorgeous future boyfriend.” Kyungsoo growls but Chen is already turning back to Xiumin. “Now, the problem is, he will not get said boyfriend if he doesn’t make it to the party on time. And if that happens…well, he will hulk out. And let me tell you, my friend, you do not want him to hulk out.”
Xiumin looks on with a bored gaze. “Good argument. I would have even considered releasing him, but…heroes behave. And those two are misbehaving.”
Kyungsoo’s blood starts to boil the second Xiumin turns back to the computer screen, earbuds firmly in place. Time to end it….
Kyungsoo launches from the bench onto Chanyeol’s back. The taller one almost tumbles back from the weight, but manages to catch his footing. Not for long though. Kyungsoo applies his deadly lucha libre head-lock move and brings him down anyways.
Chanyeol gurgles something like a plea, and slams his hand against the ground repeatedly. Kyungsoo plays with him a bit more and then releases.
Next up is Baek. Kyungsoo rises from where he’s left Yeol coughing and crying, and advances on the other, plastic-and-foam Mjolnir in hand.
Iron Man backs away, trying to hide behind Hawkeye. Chen pushes him away and retreats to a corner, well away from the death zone. “Calm down, Soo,” Baek says. “We’re just trying to help you-”
“Help! Hah!” Kyungsoo’s laugh is flat. “More like trying to ruin my life.”
“Oh shit!” Baek slams on his Iron Man helmet just in time.
Homemade-Mjolnir crashes against the side of it, almost dislodging the visor. Kyungsoo pulls back for another hit, this time with an upward stroke. With Baek retreating, the blow isn’t as hard, but the helmet still comes half-off Baek’s face.
“Mother fuck-” Baek trips on Chanyeol who’s still on the ground. His Iron Man suit scratches all over the floor and against the metal inserts of Chanyeol’s Thor costume.
Kyungsoo is satisfied until he hears Chen’s light chuckle from behind.
Chen wraps an arm around his shoulders and grabs his armed hand in a tight grip, preventing him from getting a clean hit. “We are all very sorry, okay? And if you let us, we can find a way out of here.”
Kyungsoo relents. “If you ruin this for me…I will never forgive you.” He looks at the other two on the floor. “Any of you.”
A concerned glance comes from Chen. “Baby bird, I’m sure Jongin will understand once you explain it to him. He’s not going to abandon you like the last one did.”
“Don’t. Just don’t.” Kyungsoo pushes away from him and goes back to the bench. He throws the hammer at the two on the floor, hitting Yeol right in the face.
A True Mastermind.
At around one a.m., they bring in two more guys into their cell. A tall black-haired one that glares so hard at everything Chen believes if the guy concentrates hard enough, his piercings will shoot out of his ears and brow and stab them all in the neck. His companion, a skinny kid with wiry muscles and tattoos, keeps a blank and bored face, but Chen doesn’t miss the bulge in the guys pants. Is that a gun or his…?
“Phone call.”
Xiumin grunts. “Go ahead.”
Mr. Intense Glare walks to the cop’s desk and picks up the phone. His companion goes to the corner at the other end of the cell.
“Wait. What?” Baek’s armor creaks when he stands from beside Kyungsoo where he’d gone to soothe and apologize to the little man. “Hey! Don’t we get a phone call, too?”
Xiumin arches an eyebrow at him. “I already called your frat leader. He agreed with me, and you four get to spend the night and think about your actions.”
Baek and Yeol groan in sync. It’s unnerving when they do that. Kyungsoo just covers his head in his hands again and slumps.
Chen smiles. They’ve really messed this up big time, but he has no doubt they’ll find out a way out of it or more accurately-he pats the weapons pouch strapped to his waist-he will find them a way out.
Mr. Pierced Brow slams his fist on the desk. “Joonmyun! You better not think of cashing in that win! You did this on purpose, you asshole!”
“Okay, buddy. Times up.” Xiumin grabs the guys arm and pulls him. Chen thinks the cop is either really brave or really stupid.
“I want my car back, Joon! If I find out you’ve scratched my baby, I will end you!” Slamming the phone into the receiver, the guy finally let himself be led back into the cell.
Xiumin locks the bars and yawns. “You lot play nice now.” He shuffles back behind his desk, puts on the earbuds and starts to laugh at something on the computer screen.
Chanyeol says suddenly, “You used your call to insult someone?”
Mr. Angry actually growls. “Got a problem with that?”
“Nope. None.” Thor backs away, twirling his now dented hammer and whistles a tune.
Chen stays by their cell side, but keeps an eye on the two newcomers. His plan is already crystal clear in his mind, he just needs to make sure it is a cellphone in the guy’s pants and not his-
“Luhan said he’d pick us up in the morning,” the lanky brunette says.
“Fucking great.” Mr. Pierced Brows kicks their metal bench, and the edge of it actually bends under the hit. “We need to get out of here. We can’t let Joon get away with this.”
Chen walks to the center of their small cell, glancing at Xiumin and making sure the cop’s attention is still otherwise occupied. “I have a plan to get us out,” he says, surprising everyone just as he likes to do. “But it requires the use of that phone Lanky over there just shoved into his pants.”
The brunette makes a face, his lips pulling flat across and down at the edges. It’s disturbing. He wants to comment on it, but since his plan depends on their cooperation, Chen keeps his mouth nice and shut.
“You will get all of us out, yes?” Mr. Darkness asks.
Chen nods.
Mr. Black-haired Ninja thinks it over a bit longer before nodding. The Disturbing One shoves his hands into his pants and presents the phone.
Chen takes it with the tip of his fingers and shoves it into Baek’s hands who almost drops it. “Fucking gross, man,” he says. “I’m not putting this anywhere near my ear.”
Chen rolls his eyes. “Just call Lay and tell him to bring the Betsy Special.”
“This is no time to order pizza!” Kyungsoo yells.
Chen rushes over and covers Soo’s mouth to stop the yelling. The little Hulk Pirate actually tries to bite him. Chen grabs Thor’s cape and throws it over the little demon, holding the edges down so the other doesn’t get it off. The smell of pee is overwhelming and he gags.
Chanyeol grins and comes over to help. “A Betsy? I love how you think,” he says.
Baek’s already dialing, trying his best not to touch too much of the phone. “Lay, hi! Yeah, we’re at the station. No, no. We don’t want you to bail us out. We just want pizza. Yeah, the Betsy Special.” Iron Man taps his plastic-armored foot impatiently. “Yes, I know what that is. Yes, I’m sure. Extra milk if you can manage.”
“Betsy Special?” the Brunette Weird-ling asks, followed by his companion, who says, “Milk?”
“Milk-like. Laxative. Milk comes from cows. Betsy the cow.” Chen levels a look at their two not-so-bright cellmates. “It’s not funny when I have to explain it.”
“And you’ve used this before?” Mr. Tall and Deadly says.
“On a professor and on Kyungsoo’s two-timing ex-boyfriend,” Chen says. The blank look he receives from the other two guests makes him realize they haven’t introduced themselves to their temporary allies. “Thor here by my side is Chanyeol. Iron Man is Baek. And the psycho trapped under this cape is Kyungsoo. I’m Chen. Nice to meet you.”
“I’m Tao,” Raven Hair says. “This here is Sehun. I think we’ve seen you guys around campus.”
Chen turns and faces them fully, giving them a once over. “Oh, you guys go to our campus? No no. I’m not insulting your intellectual capacity just that we’ve never seen you before. It’s a shame we don’t run in the same circles.”
“What are you getting at, frat boy?” Tao asks, stepping in closer.
“Simply that we’re not into illegal car racing.” Chen grins and extends his hand to him. “Yet.”
Tao frowns at the offer of friendship for a beat too long. Sehun nudges him and the dark look vanished from the other. Finally, Tao shakes Chen’s hand.
College is all about making the right friends.
Suddenly, Kyungsoo slumps forward and Chen has to catch him. He takes off the red cape from the younger’s body.
“Shit, did he pass out?” Chanyeol asks.
“He’ll be fine,” Chen says.
Chanyeol looks up with panicked eyes. “But we won’t once he wakes up.”
It takes a full forty-five minutes for Lay to get his ass and the special pizza to the station. By then, Xiumin has finished whatever cheesy cartoon he was watching, and is now throwing a tennis ball at the wall.
Lay saunters in, music blasting from his headphones and pizza box in hand like a waiter with a tray. He looks at the bunch of them inside the cell and winks really big. Lay is never subtle.
“Delivery!” he announces, but then freezes when he sees the cop. “Minnie?”
Xiumin looks confused. “Hey, Lay. I didn’t order any pizza.”
“Y-yes, you did! I mean, someone did! Ha ha ha-ha.” Lay’s laugh is full of nervous energy and Chen has to resist the urge to groan. He must know Xiumin from somewhere. This complicates things. Lay never hurts friends or people he knows, not even for a greater cause.
“I didn’t order anything,” Xiumin gets up from his seat. “Are you sure you didn’t mix up the order? Here, let me see your notebook.”
Lay has no choice but to take out the beat up notebook he uses to keep track of his deliveries and hand it to Xiumin. Chen prays Lay was smart enough not to write this particular order down.
Lay wrings his hands. “Uh….”
Chen coughs loudly gaining his attention. By way of intricate signs, that he’s pretty sure Lay isn’t understanding at all, he tries to communicate the urgency of their plan. This isn’t just a greater cause. It’s the ultimate quest to unite two people, the blossoming of Kyungsoo’s ability to love again, the beginning of a soul-deep romance. Chen hopes lay is understanding all his mimics, because otherwise he is just looking ridiculous for nothing.
In the end, Lay pouts in defeat and slides the pizza box onto Xiumin’s desk. “Oh well. You know the rule. If I make a mistake, then the pizza is free. Enjoy!” He power walks out of the room.
“Wait, Lay!” Xiumin sets the forgotten notebook down. He peeks inside the pizza box while scratching his blonde hair. “Can’t let this go to waste now, can I?”
Ten minutes after Xiumin swallows the last bite of his third slice, he jumps out of his seat and clasps his bottom. He whimpers loudly and dashes away. Down the hall, the bathroom door closes with a resounding boom.
Chen grins and looks at the others. “Phase one, complete.”
Avengers Assemble Escape!
If the Iron Man costume hadn’t cost two full paychecks, he would’ve dumped the suit already. He is so hot inside the thing that he can feel the rivulets of sweat sliding down every crease and cranny of his naked body. The only thing gathering up the sweat underneath the black mesh is the matching red thong he chose for the occasion. And even that is completely soaked.
But that’s not the problem.
The problem is the thong has somehow rolled in on itself and now has his jewels in a vice. He’s tried shifting, kicking out with his leg, shaking his booty, but nothing works. He is about to not so subtly wedge a finger between the suit plates of his ass to pull at it, when Kyungsoo screams. It’s a high-pitched undignified sound.
Chen has a long piece of red cloth in his hands, the red sash that previously held Kyungsoo’s pirate pantaloons up. But now he’s holding them like his life and dignity depended on it. Which they do. “What the hell are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks. “And what the hell happened to me? My head feels woozy.”
“You passed out from lack of oxygen,” Chanyeol says.
“More like from Baek’s pungent pee on your cape,” Chen mutters as he measures the distance between the cell bars.
“I will murder you,” Kyungsoo stands, but the pantaloons start to drop and he yelps. He holds them back up and sits back down. “I will murder all of you…later.”
“I need a good angle for this,” Chen says, completely ignoring Kyungsoo’s threat. Baek doesn’t know how he does it-ignore little Satan like that. Kyungsoo is terrifying when he’s out for vengeance.
“A good angle for what?” Baek asks, leaving his thong problem aside for a second. When Chen has a plan going on, it’s better to be fully informed and on board.
“To get the keys,” Chen says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He does that a lot.
“And how exactly are you doing this?” Chen digs around in the silly pouch at his waist and brings out a- “Is that a mini crossbow?” Baek asks.
“Oh my god, why did I even get my hopes up?” Kyungsoo covers his face with one hand as he always does. And it’s cute. So so cute. It’s probably why they keep him around. That and because he cooks. Without him they’d starve.
Chen laughs. “Chill, baby bird. It’ll work.” He rips the sash again, and ties the ends to make a longer, thinner piece. He ties this to one of the mini arrows. “Now, Baek, come over here.”
Baek approaches him cautiously. “You are not ripping any piece of my armor. This shit was expensive.”
“Relax, I just need you to lift me up,” Chen says.
“Then ask Chanyeol. He’s the tower.”
Chanyeol crosses his arms where he sits by Kyungsoo. “I am not helping the sex voyeur with anything.”
“First, you liked it. Second, you’re too tall for this anyways,” Chen says and then turns to Baek. “Now, come on, we don’t have all night.”
Baek kneels and has to hold in a whimper as his thong pulls even more. Shit! Hoping that the thing rips from so much strain and releases him is useless. He’s always bough expensive undies-great material, great feel. It would take industrial scissors to rip them.
Chen clambers onto his shoulders and Baek rises with a grunt. He tries not move too much less the vice tighten.
“Okay, move to the left.”
Baek slides over an inch.
“The other left….”
Dammit. Baek changes direction.
“Get closer to the bars.”
He does. Fuck it hurts!
“Don’t move.”
Baek freezes on the spot. He’s sweating again and he’s pretty sure that if he looks down, he will see the rivers of sweat running between the cracks in his armor. Oh god and his balls. They ache and not in a pleasant way. “Could you hurry up? You’re kind of heavy.”
“Need help?” Chanyeol comes closer and places his big hands on Baek’s hips, steadying him.
“Don’t move,” Chen says again before he fires the arrow. It goes sailing like a streamer at a party and hits the wall just above the desk where the keys are. Carefully not to tear the ribbon, he pulls it back.
It takes five tries for the arrow to go through the big round keychain, and by then Baek is ready to strip. His legs are trembling, his arms ache, and the evil thong has his nether regions in such a chokehold that he can’t feel them anymore. “I c-can’t.”
“Just a bit longer, babe,” Yeol says at his back. “We just need to make sure it doesn’t-”
“I really, really can’t,” he says and starts lowering Chen, but his knees give out and they both tumble to the floor.
The others’ dismayed yells echo around him. When he gets up, he sees the problem. The ribbon fell out of Chen’s hand and the tip of it now lies on the floor outside the cell.
“Couldn’t you have held on for a bit longer?” Chen asks as he untangles himself from Baek.
“I’m burning up. I can’t.” Baek starts taking off his suit. To hell with getting the keys. To hell with getting out of prison. He needs to get out of the suit now. “Yeol, please…help me get this off.”
Chanyeol comes over and starts unzipping the black mesh at his back, but he stops somewhere around his lower back. “Babe, did you go comando?”
“What? No. Who the hell goes commando underneath a costume?” he asks.
Kyungsoo’s coughs, still sitting at his bench.
Baek grabs the shoulder plates and pulls, but it feels like he’s pulling the carpet off a floor. The mesh sticks to his skin, pulling almost painfully when he tries to undress. His heart rate picks up. “Chanyeol, help.”
Baek notices Tao and Sehun move over next to Chen, but he is too busy trying to pry the mesh away from his skin. Between him and Yeol, they manage to take off the entire top part of the suit, but now that he’s started, he wants it all off. He starts pulling it further down his body.
“What are you doing?” Yeol hisses.
“I need air.” And the air does feel heavenly against his ass cheeks. Baek crooks a finger under the thong a pulls it, letting out a loud sigh of relief. His gonads are alive! The suit and evil mesh from hell clatter to the floor and he stands in the middle of the cell in nothing but a red thong.
Yeol looks like he wants to be swallowed by the floor.
“Oh my fucking god,” Kyungsoo says. “What the actual fuck? Why did you strip?”
Baek only grins and adjust his package, no shame whatsoever. It’s not like the others haven’t gotten an eyeful or two of him at the dorms. And the two newcomers seem uninterested in him. Their loss.
Tao and Sehun lie on the ground, pulling the red string-which they’d apparently thrown again-and this time, the keys finally reach the bars.
Chen picks them up and turns around. Either ignoring Baek’s state of undress or unfazed by it, he says, “Time to go!”
Heroes get the Girl Boy
That they manage to escape is a feat of epic proportions that will go down in his diary as “another unbelievable night with the boys.” It’s an entry he will write right after he punishes Baek for stripping in front of everyone like that. Chanyeol had been forced to wrap his boyfriend in his soiled Thor cape as they made their way out of the station. It helped. Sort of. The image of Baek in a red thong is still branded into his mind, and he’s pretty sure into everyone else’s minds.
Even Xiumin’s eyes had been violated by the sight when he’d come half-zombie-like from the bathroom. Poor thing had run to the toiled before he could even take a step in their direction to stop them. Before leaving, Chanyeol had made sure to hand an extra roll of toilet paper to the cop, who had then sobbed out a thanks.
After leaving the station, Tao and Sehun call their friend, Luhan to come pick them up. Luhan, or Lulu as they call him, is a “young kid with a girly face” who punches Chen on the balls when he voices that opinion. The three young men take Chen, Baek, Soo, and him to their car, which had been left right where Xiumin arrested them some eight hours ago.
After thanking them, the four Avengers get in Chen’s beat up Honda.
Kyungsoo buckles in and says, “Let’s go home.”
Chanyeol peers at the backseat where Soo and Baek settled. “But aren’t we going to Jongin’s so you can-”
“No! Just wake me up when we get back home.” Kyungsoo closes his eyes and pretends to falls asleep after that.
No matter how much Chanyeol wants to get Baek alone in their room-a little punishment was in order-he is not okay with leaving Kyungsoo’s business unfinished. They’ve been friends since forever and he’d been ecstatic with the news that Kyungsoo had finally gotten over his broken heart. He refuses to leave this unfinished.
Chen stares back at him and the unsaid message reaches him loud and clear. He nods and says nothing when Chen starts driving in the opposite direction of their dorm.
The ride is ridiculously short. If they hadn’t gotten pulled over the night before, they would’ve reached the party in less than twenty minutes. Chen slows down as they enter the right neighborhood and search for the house. They find it around the corner.
While anyone else would say that the house is a mess, Chanyeol sees it for what it is-great decoration skills. Pumpkins litter the entryway and peek from many of the second-floor windows. Ghosts and ghouls hang all around the porch, along with garlands and lights. Toilet paper clings to the sidewalk trees and the roof. Cups littler the grass upfront, and a keg lies on its side on the bottom step of the entrance stairs. It’s glorious.
But the party is definitely over.
There’s a single pirate in a brown and blue coat-no shirt-picking up the mess in the front yard.
“Stop the car,” Kyungsoo says shocking everyone.
How long had he been awake? Chanyeol is about to ask, but even before Chen completely stops the car, Soo jumps out of it and runs. Or tries to run, but with his pantaloons falling off and him grabbing them, it’s more like the running wobble of an overexcited ostrich.
Baek leans over to the front, resting his chin on Chanyeol’s shoulder. Yeol gives in and pets his hair once, and then, the three of them watch the magic unfold.
Jongin smiles when he recognizes Kyungsoo, a full blown, sunny smile that is impossible not to respond to. The guy lets go of the trash bag and brushes his hands down his pirate coat.
“Nervous.” Chen grins. “That’s a good sign.”
“It’s amazing to watch, right?” Chanyeol says.
Baek sighs. “So cute. They look so innocent.”
“Like when we started,” Yeol says.
“Babe, I was never innocent.”
Chanyeol shakes his head and smiles. He still can’t believe Kyungsoo can make a guy like Jongin a messy pile of nerves when Soo is usually the one too nervous to talk to anyone he likes. Not to Jongin though. The two had hit it off immediately, just like he’d planned.
Baek shuffles his head closer to Yeol’s face. “Do you think he’ll get rejected?”
“If he does, I’m kicking Jongin’s ass,” Chanyeol says, giving the car’s dash a whack with his hammer. “I did not introduce them just so he could break my best friend’s heart.”
“You did not introduce them,” Baek says.
“Yes, I did.”
Baek bites his shoulder playfully. “Literally pushing Jongin onto Kyungsoo’s lap during that party, does not count as an introduction.”
Chanyeol snorts. “Whatever. I will still kick his ass.” After putting up with all of them, Kyungsoo really deserves to be happy.
“Chill guys,” Chen says. “Give them a minute.”
Less than a minute later, Jongin grabs Kyungsoo’s cheeks and pulls him in for a kiss. Chanyeol’s pretty sure tongue is involved.
Chen smirks. “Told ya.”
Baek wipes an imaginary tear from his eye and sniffles. “Our baby bird is all grown up.”
Letting the hammer drop between his feet, Yeol asks, “Does it mean it’s time to give him the talk?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not necessary,” Chen says.
Chanyeol and Baek turn to look at him. “What do you mean?”
Chen’s kittenish grim makes an appearance and Yeol is pretty sure he doesn’t want to know anymore. “Kyungsoo never told you how he got invited to Jongin’s Halloween party, right?”
He and Baek shake their heads.
“Remember when you asked about the stain in your bedside carpet and I told you it was Kyungsoo’s fault?” Chen asks, grinning wider.
Baek nod is apprehensive. “Yeah. What of it?”
“It wasn’t Kyungsoo’s fault. It was Jongin’s.”
It takes them about two second to understand the full meaning behind Chen’s words. Yeol’s booming laugh echoes loudly inside the car. Chen climbs over him, opens the door, and pushes him out. He falls to the ground, still unable to contain himself or his laughter.
“Too loud in the car, Yeol,” Chen says. “We’ve talked about this.”
Baek opens his door and steps outside, screaming obscenities. “Kyungsoo! You little shit. Playing all innocent.” He starts in the direction where Kyungsoo and Jongin are still making out.
Chanyeol not so subtly trips him and Baek goes crashing to the ground.
“Let me go!” Baek yells, trying to untangle himself from the cape. “I’m gonna kill him for violating our carpet.”
Chanyeol sits up and laughs. He figures, after the hellish night they’ve had, at least one of them deserves a happy ending. “Calm down,” he says to Baek, pulling him close. “Let him be happy for one more day and then we can avenge our poor carpet.”
Baek glowers at him, but settles down between his legs. Yeol wraps his arms around his feisty lover.
“Hey, guys!” Kyungsoo waves at them. “Jongin says to come on inside for breakfast!”
Yeol, Baek, and Chen-who has come out of the car too-raise their fists and cheer. They close the car and meet the lovebirds on the driveway.
Jongin shakes their hands. “We have eggs, bacon, pancakes.”
“With blueberries?” Chanyeol asks.
“Or strawberries if you’d like.”
He embraces Jongin. “You’ve picked well, Soo. Don’t let him go.”
Jongin’s eyes turn into crescents as Kyungsoo’s face turns as red as his ripped pirate sash-which Chen helpfully hands over so that the pantaloons stay up.
“Hungryyyyy.” Baek pulls at Jongin repeatedly. The makeshift robe made of Thor’s cape slips off him. In less than a second, Yeol has Baek over his shoulder and is carrying him inside. No need for anyone else to see what is his.
brOTP 4ever
Jongin follows the guys inside, but Kyungsoo grabs Chen hand, forcing him to stay. It’s not often that Kyungsoo pulls any of his friends aside to talk, but whenever he does, it’s important. They all know it’s sometimes hard for him to express his mind, his feelings. So Chen patiently waits to see what the younger has to say.
“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says finally. “For pushing me to go out that day I met Jongin. For begging me to answer Jongin’s calls the week after that disastrous fist meeting. For telling me that I was worth it and that I deserved to be happy.”
Chen smiles brightly. “It’s what bros do, right? We watch each other’s backs, kick each other’s asses when needed,” he throws an arm around Kyungsoo, “and help each other with anything and everything. Even finding love.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “You know…that is the most disgustingly, zappy thing, you’ve ever said to me.”
Chen mock-gags. “Kill me now, please.”
“Guys! Let’s eat!” Baek yells from the doorway.
Chanyeol screams. “Baek! Come back inside! You’re not wearing the cape! OMG!”
Kyungsoo and Chen crack up as Baekhyun takes off running in nothing but a thong and cape, screaming Chanyeol in tow.
-----
Notes:
+To gdgdbaby, prompt said comedy and I panicked because I’m not that funny. I really hope I’ve done justice to it and I hope you like it!
+Also, big thanks to Horra for beta-ing!