New fic: Awake, Swingtown, Trina/Janet, M

[chilly_flame]

Title: Awake

Author: chilly_flame

Fandom: Swingtown, Trina/Janet with a side of Tom

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Swingtown. Except lots of nice thoughts about Trina and Tom.

Summary: Janet’s got a secret, and the Deckers want to do something about it.

Notes: I loved Swingtown, a lot. I wish like heck it had continued, but obviously if that had happened, we wouldn’t have Regina Mills, which would be a bummer. Oh well.

Also, consider this only a brief departure from Swan Queen. I’ll be back soon!



Janet had always been intimidated by Trina.

Perhaps there had been one exception that she liked to ignore--when she accidentally got high off of Trina’s terribly decadent laced brownies. Maybe she wasn’t intimidated then. Not that Janet remembered that little interlude very well. But every other time she’d seen her (and all the moments in between), Trina made Janet anxious to the point of discomfort.

At first, Janet decided it was because she didn’t like that Trina was stealing Susan away. She was Susan’s best friend. She was the one who Susan should be spending time with. Not Trina. Trina was a threat. She introduced all sorts of new… things into Susan’s life, things that took Susan further and further away from Janet. That didn’t really change as the months passed, but at least Janet allowed herself to consider what was really happening.

Sometimes Janet was impressed that she had opened up to accept Susan’s new way of being, and Trina’s at the same time. She tried to laugh at her own brief attraction to Trina’s husband Tom, but once she got to know him more, it calmed into a comfortable friendship. And with Susan, Janet had learned to go with the flow when her best friend was more adventurous. Janet herself had even relaxed about sex a bit, enjoying it somewhat now and then with Roger. She had never been very good at it, nor had she liked it much, but she fulfilled her wifely duties twice a month without complaint. Once in a while she started out excited, like the night she and Roger watched that ridiculous dirty movie at Tom and Trina’s, but she still didn’t see what all the fuss was about. Fantasies and pornography made sex look like one thing, but real life was another. Marriage wasn’t all about sex anyway. It was about companionship and friendship and affection, and being there during the downs as well as the ups.

Until her marriage wasn’t a marriage anymore.

Because Roger slept with Susan, then Roger left her for Susan, and Janet lost them both in a single day. It was easily the worst of Janet’s life. She had never felt so alone, abandoned, betrayed, stupid, miserable, enraged, and a thousand other emotions all at once.

For months, Janet had isolated herself, until one afternoon Trina had practically knocked down her door, armed with a tin of inedible muffins, a bag of chips, and all the makings for margaritas (including a blender). That day, Janet had found out that Trina stayed in touch with Susan since she left town to be with Roger. So after Trina fired up the blender, Janet sat and drank margaritas and listened to the story of how Susan and Roger lived together for all of three weeks before their relationship splintered and died. Janet experienced a healthy dose of schadenfreude despite the fact that her heart remained utterly broken for all their losses. She doubted she would ever recover.

Three margaritas later, Janet threw up in the toilet while a perfectly sober Trina held her hair back. Then she cried, and Trina wrapped her up tightly in her arms, with both of them sitting on the bathroom floor. “Sorry,” Janet had said over and over, but Trina just hushed her and kissed her temple so sweetly it made Janet wish she were dead.

The house across the street from the Deckers’ had been unoccupied for a long time, but a new couple had finally moved in. It was a nice older pair with grown kids and gray hair, who brought Trina carrot cakes and zucchini breads that were perfect for a hungry mom-to-be. But none of that compared to the treats and meals Janet made for them after that margarita day. Somehow Janet was able to ignore the pangs of devastation whenever she looked at Susan’s old house, wondering how her kids were getting on, or if she and Bruce had gotten back together.

Janet didn’t ask about Susan anymore. She kept seeing her therapist, and day by day, she started to be… okay. And somehow, she’d made a life for herself and for her son, who stuck by her side more faithfully than she ever expected. He loved his father and saw him one weekend a month, but whenever he came home, his expression of relief was welcome. She would never say it aloud, but she wanted to be the favorite. She hadn’t been the bad guy. She didn’t betray, or lie, or cheat. She was good, and she deserved to be loved best.

Between her job and her visits to the Deckers, she started to feel awake again. Alive. Her new friend and co-worker Henry had turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to her. He and his “boyfriend” Mark came over for dinner all the time, and once, she asked them to come with her to see Trina when Tom was on an overnight. Trina had welcomed the pair into her home with open arms, and “the boys” had fawned over Trina the whole night. To Janet’s amazement, once they discovered Trina and Tom’s former “open” relationship (now closed), they looked infinitely disappointed.

“I can’t believe we missed the window,” Mark had complained.

“Maybe someday,” Henry agreed as Trina laughed, apparently unsurprised to be found attractive by two gay men.

“But-“ Janet had stuttered, “But they-Trina is a-what-“

“Don’t worry Jan,” Henry had told her, “Trina wouldn’t be ignored if we paid a visit to the playroom.” He’d touched Trina’s hand. “Hope you take that as a compliment.”

“Naturally,” Trina had said, and Janet had just blushed so hotly she thought her hair might catch fire.

Since before and after little Alex was born, Trina and Tom remained exclusive. At six months old, Janet knew their little boy was going to be a heartbreaker. He’d taken after both parents, with Tom’s fair hair and Trina’s dark eyes. Janet babysat when she could so the two of them could have some alone time, but often when Janet came over, she didn’t leave once the couple got home. They’d always, without fail, insist on getting time with her too, and nothing could have made Janet feel more accepted or adored.

After so many horrible months of loneliness, Janet saw happiness on the horizon. She had friends. A wonderful son. A great job, and enough money to support herself, independently. She didn’t need Roger, and she didn’t need Susan.

But one night, recently, she’d made an ass of herself and she didn’t know how to fix it. Over dinner, Trina had drawn Janet’s deepest secret out of her, as she was so talented at doing. Now Janet was humiliated beyond belief.

“You’ve really never had an orgasm?” Tom had asked, sometime after the second bottle of wine had been opened and mostly consumed.

Only then had Janet realized what she’d opened her mouth and said, out loud. She blamed Trina, who often spoke of sex so freely that Janet had gotten used to it.

“Uh-“

“We might have to do something about that,” Tom had said, eyeing Trina in that way that made Janet both intensely jealous and mildly uncomfortable.

“Oh, Tom,” Janet had replied as the blush rose up in her cheeks, waving at him with one hand.

“Oh, Tom,” Trina had repeated in Janet’s exact tone. But Janet heard something else beneath it that made her a little breathless. “I think Janet deserves to be treated like a queen.” She’d been perfectly serious, and when Janet glanced up, Trina had blinked so slowly, so seductively that yes, Janet felt something… down there. Just from a look, which felt more like a caress.

Janet had laughed nervously, and when the conversation went quiet, she had jumped in and started clearing away the dirty dishes. Anything to distract her from the strange energy that entered into the room.

Weeks later, sometimes when Janet closed her eyes, she saw Trina’s face. She saw the way her mouth moved, and how her eyelashes fell as softly as feathers against her cheek.

---

Alexander gave her a little trouble going to sleep that night; he’d started teething, and the little ring he was gnawing on didn’t provide much relief. After he’d cried for a few minutes, she tried a little formula as she held him and sang a few lullabies, but he’d only clung to her and whined. She rubbed his gums for a minute before retrieving a spoon from the refrigerator where it had been chilling for a while. That had always soothed her son, and it helped Alex too. She’d have to remember to tell Trina later. He fell asleep in her arms with the spoon in his mouth, and she put him down with a smile, loving his baby smell and warm skin. She rubbed his back as he settled, and kept the door cracked as she left the room.

Not long after, Trina and Tom got home, and they were both surprised that Alex had already gone to sleep. “He’s been crying so much,” Trina said. “The book says he’s teething, but I’m not sure how to help. Bea across the street told me she always used whiskey.”

“You don’t need whiskey, Trina,” Janet assured her as they joined her on the sofa. “Chill a spoon in the fridge and give it to him. Of course you’ll have to watch him but it worked tonight.”

Trina’s mouth opened.

“When he’s eating more solids, you can try frozen bananas too, or iced washcloths. The teething ring is okay but I think cold is better.”

“Don’t know what we’d do without you, Jan,” Tom said, his grin sincere. He reached out and kissed her hand sweetly. “Wish I could stick around tonight to catch up but I’ve got to head out. You take care of the family while I’m gone, won’t you?”

Janet grinned and rolled her eyes. “Charmer. You and I both know Trina doesn’t need to be taken care of.”

“But it’s nice to have company all the same,” Trina added, patting Janet’s knee amiably.

“That I can understand,” Janet replied, knowing just how true that was.

Tom stood and headed to the bedroom, presumably to change, so Trina sat back against the couch. “Stay a while?” she asked, as she usually did.

“Sure. Ricky’s off sleeping over at his friend Alan’s house. I imagine they’ll be up all night playing that silly television game that everyone talking about. It’s going to rot the brains of future generations, I tell you.”

“Undoubtedly,” Trina said, her tone only gently mocking. “Come on, let’s have a drink if you’ve got no place to be.”

A while ago Janet would have begged off, pleading that she’d want to be home in case Rick arrived unexpectedly. Or to greet Roger, who would have come home late from work on a Friday like this one. Because he never rushed home to be with Janet. Not even at the beginning. The chasm of loneliness opened up so strongly for a moment that it physically hurt. She swallowed back tears with a smile and followed Trina to the bar.

“Tom Collins? Or a martini?” Trina asked.

That was a little stronger than Janet usually preferred, but she shrugged. “Martini. Just one, though.”

“Right.” Trina got out the cocktail shaker and some ice to chill it. “So Tom and I had a good time tonight.”

“That’s nice. Where did you go?”

“One of the new places downtown. It’s a supper club. You’d like it.”

“I’m sure I would,” Janet replied, not really believing it. She’d probably feel out of place and humdrum and plain, as she always did next to Trina.

“It was quiet. Gave Tom and me a good chance to talk.”

That sounded ominous. Janet paused. “Is everything all right?”

“With us? Absolutely. But we both had something on our minds, and it turned out to be the very same thing.”

Trina slid the martini glass over. “What’s that?” She leaned down to take a sip.

“You.”

The glass jerked in Janet’s hand, spilling a few drops onto her wrist. Her sudden, tittering laugh escaped, because that’s what happened when she got nervous. “Pardon me?”

“We wanted to talk about you. You know how important you are in our lives, Janet. And I think you know how much we care for you. Of course Alex loves you, but we do too. Tom and I, both.”

Janet’s mouth was suddenly very dry. She wished she had water instead of martini, but the liquor would have to do. “That’s very nice, Trina. I care-“ her voice caught-“care about you both too.”

When Trina slid her hand across the bar to cover Janet’s hand, the air felt hot and heavy. “I want to do something for you. Tom and I talked it over, and as much as he wants to be there, we thought it might be easier if it was just me. At least at first.” Trina caught her bottom lip between her teeth and smiled.

Janet held her breath, wishing she could vanish from this room, that she had never agreed to stay for a drink. That she had never met Trina, or Tom, or adorable Alex.

“I want to take you to bed,” Trina said, eyes dark and filled with promise.

Pulling her hand away, Janet held her fist to her chest as if it had been burned. “Don’t joke with me, dear, it’s not very nice. I think it’s time for me to-“

“It’s not a joke,” Trina said, following Janet away from the bar and toward the sofa, where Janet was reaching for her coat. “Oh, Janet, please don’t go. I never meant to-oh god, I’ve botched this. Please,” she repeated, wrapping gentle fingers around Janet’s upper arm. “You’re my dearest friend, Janet. If you don’t want to, that’s okay, but that’s doesn’t mean that I don’t want to. Want you, that is. Want to make you happy.”

“I don’t think you know what you want, Trina. But it’s not me.”

“You know Tom and I have closed our relationship. But you’re an exception.” Trina chuckled. “I never, ever thought I’d say this, Janet, but when we first met, I judged you, just like you judged me.”

“I never-“

Trina snorted. “You did, but then you stopped, and opened your eyes. I did too. I don’t usually let people who disapprove of our lifestyle get under my skin, but you always did. You with your perfect hair, and your blouses buttoned up too high, and your bright blue eyes watching me so seriously. And then I-I got you high and I saw another side of you-“

“The naked side,” Janet interrupted primly.

Trina laughed again, “Not really. It was dark, not that you’d remember,” she said, and something in her voice calmed Janet, made her want to run less. Made her want to lean close. “And every day after that, you were something new. And then Roger-he made the mistake of his life, but you’ve overcome that. You’re a strong, independent, beautiful woman. And ever since you told us…” her voice dropped, “your secret, I’ve wanted to do something about it. It doesn’t have to mean everything, but it means a lot to me. I wouldn’t open this door if Tom didn’t want to open it too.”

Janet’s heart had started to pound, because Trina’s voice wrapped around her body like smoke. Seducing. Luring. Thrilling. She’d found out long ago that when they’d first known one another, Tom hadn’t actually wanted to have sex with her as she thought he had; she’d been humiliated, but Tom had a way of soothing hurts in the sweetest way. He was a man unlike any she’d ever known; brash and smug and warm and loving all at the same time.

“Sit, Janet. Talk to me,” Trina said, drawing her back to the bar, and somehow, Janet found herself moving to the stool where she sat again. Trina sipped her own martini, and Janet thought she was breathing a little faster than usual. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“Surprise,” Janet said, without thinking. “Embarrassment. I should never have said anything.”

That made Trina’s mouth open in shock. “Oh, Jan, don’t feel that way.” Trina’s hand reached out and cupped her cheek; Janet was ashamed to feel her skin heat up with the touch. “Open and honest communication is the most important thing in my relationships. You don’t ever have to hide who you are from me.”

Janet swallowed, afraid she might cry. She shook Trina’s hand away carefully, needing some air. “It’s awfully… nice of you to offer,” Janet said, frowning at herself as she said the words. They sounded so stupid. “I would never want something like this to hurt our friendship.”

Trina looked disappointed. “Is that a no?”

Before she answered, Janet asked, “What did you mean when you said it might be easier if Tom wasn’t there?”

Mouth tilting to one side, Trina replied, “Only that you might feel less self-conscious if there was only one person completely focused on your pleasure. It can be… overwhelming sometimes, even for me.”

With those words, the heat that swelled through Janet’s body was beyond anything she had ever felt; she was actually sick to her stomach. She couldn’t stop herself from picturing it; both Tom and Trina leaning over her, bare skin revealed, bending down to kiss her body-

“Oh,” Janet said, hoping that the sweat that had broken out at her throat wasn’t visible. “How considerate.” She winced at how silly that sounded.

“Don’t get me wrong, he’d love to, uh, participate, but he thought it might be easier if it was just us.”

“But how would you-I mean-“ Before Janet could shut her mouth again, she took a gulp of martini and gasped against the fire as it went down her throat into her belly. “Do you even know what to do?”

This time Trina’s grin was not surprised. “Oh yes. I’m very good.”

“You have-before-with a woman?” Janet had always thought of Trina as more attuned to men, attracting them as easily as she breathed. Women, well, Janet hadn’t really thought of being with a woman, ever. At least until she met Henry, and then, perhaps she had. On occasion, once or twice. Maybe just once.

“Janet, when you swing, you’re open. I would never limit myself to just one partner if I’m attracted to both. It’s not just about swapping, it’s about exploration of all sexuality. At least it is for me and Tom.”

Janet was stricken with a thought. She took another swallow of martini, not noticing that it was almost gone. “What about Susan? Did you, with her?”

Trina’s eyes got sad then, and she shook her head. “Not really. A few kisses, but no more. She might have been willing, but Bruce was… not. He was much more narrow in his thinking. He didn’t make a very good swinger, in my opinion. Too possessive, and not-“ Trina seemed to realize who she was talking to. “I shouldn’t tell tales. I’m sorry.”

“Tell me,” Janet said, wanting to insist. Now that Trina had started to spill, she was dying to know.

“He wasn’t very attentive as a lover. More interested in his own enjoyment and no one else’s. I used to wonder how Susan put up with it. I didn’t mind, because I always have Tom, but Bruce was not the reason I was interested in them as a couple.”

“You mean you wanted Susan.”

Trina impressed her; she didn’t lie. “Yes. I liked her. I still do. But that door, as I said, is closed now. She has her own life, and I’m not a part of it. I’m okay with that, even though I miss her.”

Janet felt her throat close. “I miss her too,” she whispered.

“I know, honey. But you’re plenty without Susan. And without Roger. You’re a wonderful, warm, caring person and you are absolutely dear to me. I would never want to hurt you in any way. But I also would find it very… exciting to be with you. If you wanted that. It’s completely up to you.”

“Exciting?” Janet smirked. “I don’t think so. That’s the last thing Roger would ever call me.”

Trina’s pleasant expression faded. “Roger wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him in the ass.” She softened a moment later. “Just the thought of you in my bed is exciting to me, Janet. The thought of giving you something good. An orgasm isn’t the answer to life, but it certainly makes it a lot more fun. And I, for one, want you to have one. If I could be the one to show you, I would consider it my great honor.”

Janet couldn’t believe this, but she was considering it. She was actually considering getting into bed with a woman, a friend, a dear, marvelous friend. But her old fears came back, and she shook her head. “But what if you-you can’t-what if I can’t?”

Trina was leaning closer, her eyes so dark that Janet felt herself falling into them. “Then I can still make you feel good. Sex isn’t just about the end result. But I know you can, Janet. I feel it.” She reached out and caressed Janet’s jaw; the faint touch sent a shower of sensation radiating across Janet’s skin. My God, this is attraction, she thought. This is what that is. And when Trina’s lips touched hers, Janet couldn’t stop shaking. She kissed back, very faintly, unable to do otherwise.

When Janet pulled away, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye; Tom was leaning against the doorframe, watching with a smile. Janet covered her mouth and sat back, horrified.

“That looks promising,” he said, strutting forward in his pilot’s uniform. He approached Trina and rested a hand at the small of her back, leaning down to kiss her. “I almost regret my decision to leave you two alone. You look awfully good together.”

Janet throbbed between her legs. She thought she might faint.

“If Janet’s interested, maybe there will be a next time,” Trina said, pulling his face down again for more than just a peck. Janet saw their tongues flicking against each other; her stomach rolled.

“I’ll cross my fingers, baby. You have fun tonight, okay?” He glanced at Janet. “Can’t wait to hear how it goes.” He came close and hugged her; there was nothing sexual in the embrace, which was a relief to Janet’s overheated skin. “Take care, Jan. Everything’s good here. I promise.”

A little breathless, Janet looked up into his clear eyes. “Okay,” she murmured.

“Good girl.” He kissed her cheek, and his lips lingered briefly, mustache tickling her skin. Something must have been in that martini, because the feeling was incredibly sensual, and she didn’t even like facial hair. “See you Sunday morning. Come for brunch.”

Janet nodded, and Trina laughed low in her throat at something Janet couldn’t decipher. “You are so bad,” Trina said to him pulling him back into her arms for another kiss. “Be safe, honey. I love you so much.”

“Love you too. Kiss Alex good morning for me. I’ll call you when I land at the hotel.”

Janet was in a daze for the few moments it took for Tom to leave, and when Trina returned, the house was filled with a curious energy. She was nervous now, because what on earth was about to happen? Were they actually going to do this? Had Janet even shaved her legs this morning? She exhaled in relief; yes, she had. But her underwear was nothing special, and she didn’t feel clean enough-“

“Stop thinking,” Trina said. She cupped Janet’s face tenderly, and kissed her. A real kiss this time, one that made Janet melt right off the stool and into Trina’s arms. She fell against her; it was slow and sensual, not too much tongue, all lips moving softly, nibbling, suckling at her mouth. Janet could barely breathe, especially when hands moved from around her waist to slide along her hips. It was so different than anything she’d shared with Roger, the only man she’d ever been with. The only man she’d ever kissed, unless she counted the boy at camp when she was fourteen. That hadn’t been very good at all, so she didn’t generally count it. She’d liked Roger’s kisses though; he was always eager when she was willing to offer them, and they were familiar. She knew what to expect. It was part of being a wife.

This was not part of being a wife. And it was anything but expected.

Trina moaned softly into her mouth. When Janet looked down after they broke apart, Trina’s dark skin was flushed, and her lips were swelling. She gasped, because it was almost unbearable to look at her, so beautiful and kind and staring back at her so intently.

“Say yes,” Trina asked, blinking slowly. “Or tell me to stop. Your decision.”

This was it. Go home to an empty house, or stay here and be held and kissed and touched. “Yes,” she whispered, and Trina’s mouth was on hers again and it was incredible, no matter how wrong it might be. Or how much it might change her life.

Trina started walking backwards, pulling Janet along toward the bedroom, and for a moment Janet almost thought to ask for another martini. But too much alcohol could make her sick, and Trina had already seen enough of that. Instead she just followed along. When they were in the bedroom, Janet was overwhelmed by the size of the bed. Just the idea of it, that she would share it with someone who was not Roger made her anxious, and she tensed. As Trina lit candles at the bedside, Janet stared at the ceiling. She put her hands to her dress and started to unbutton it before kicking off her flat shoes.

Around the other side of the bed, Trina was pulling the thick comforter down. “Hey, what are you doing?”

Janet swallowed. “Getting undressed.”

Trina’s teeth flashed in the candlelight when she turned the lamp out. “I wanna do that. Slow down.” The room was darker now, and it eased Janet’s mind just a touch until she watched Trina come close, her hands reaching out. But instead of parting her blouse, she kissed her again, slow and steady. “Your lips are so soft,” she said. “You smell wonderful.” Lips moved across her cheek to her ear, where they fastened to the lobe. Teeth raked across the flesh and Janet made a noise as her knees weakened. She took a breath and pulled away, a little stunned by her own reaction, but Trina didn’t seem surprised. “Did that feel good?”

Unable to speak, Janet just nodded.

“Let’s see what else does then, too.” She started on Janet’s buttons, separating the fabric at the top of her dress. Her bra was so plain Janet was embarrassed; she started to hunch her shoulders until Trina shook her head. “No, no,” she said. “Can I keep going?”

Again, Janet nodded. She might as well.

The dress’s elastic clung to her waist, but Trina pushed it down, leaving Janet in her bra and slip and pantyhose. Trina shut her eyes and sniffed her neck before flicking her tongue against her skin. Janet exhaled as Trina explored, and she didn’t even notice when her slip disappeared, or when her bra had been unfastened. Only when her pantyhose were being dispatched did Janet realize that she was nearly naked, and Trina was still in her glamorous gold dress and heels. And when Janet’s bra came off, she covered up out of habit, so Trina stepped back and untied the halter of her own dress. It fell to the floor in one move, and Janet gaped, because Trina wasn’t wearing underwear beneath it. She was bare and gorgeous, narrow hips and a gently curved waist, small breasts and smooth skin. Pregnancy had left little mark on her with the exception of a few lines at her sides and belly. She had almost no tan lines, which made sense because Trina seemed to own more bathing suit styles than Janet even knew existed, but she only had time to think that thought before Trina was leaning up and wrapping her arms around Janet’s neck. Without her shoes Trina was tiny, far shorter than she’d thought, and when Janet put her arms around Trina’s body she was burning hot. Janet avoided most sensitive areas, until she realized that as she stroked fingers along her lower back, Trina was mewling with pleasure.

“God, I love that,” she said, arching closer. “But you’d better stop. I don’t want to get distracted.”

Fingers hooked into white underwear and eased it down, and they were both naked. Janet felt huge, ungainly and too tall and too wide, and she was about to say something about it when Trina put her hands on her breasts and flicked her nipples.

“Ha,” Janet exhaled, reaching out for something to steady her, so Trina steered her to the bed and let her lie down.

Crawling next to her, Trina snuggled up, going once more for her apparently sensitive earlobe as well as one nipple. Janet bit her lip and held in what would have been a cry of pleasure, crushing her eyes shut. And when two fingers pinched and pulled at the same time, Janet grabbed the bedsheet, crumpling it in her hand.

Like her kisses, Trina’s caresses felt completely different than Roger’s. For one thing they were gentler, and for another, Trina’s skin was soft and uncallused. There was something about the way her hands moved that seemed to draw pleasure out of her in totally unexpected ways. They traveled down her belly, along her hips, up her chest and down each arm as if she was mapping her, searching for treasure. Each place that caused Janet to inhale got a little extra attention; the hollow of a hip, the vee between her index finger and thumb, the bend of her elbow. When Trina made her turn over, the discovery began anew, and although Janet felt self-conscious, she took deep breaths and tried to relax. It was worth her effort, because as Trina’s mouth moved down her body, she found that her back was as sensitive as Trina’s seemed to be, and when fingers flicked against that little triangle at the base of her spine she pushed her hips into the mattress.

“Turn over, lover,” Trina said, and Janet was almost disappointed, because that felt so good-better than having her breasts kissed, better than anything she’d felt tonight. “You ready?”

Janet was panting. “For what?”

Then Trina was moving down between her thighs, looking with an avid gaze, and Janet covered her eyes. “Oh my God,” she said. “What are you doing?”

“Foreplay’s over, Jan. Don’t cover your eyes.”

“I don’t think you should do that. Whatever you’re going to do. It’s not a good idea.”

A hand fell on her belly, pressing firmly. “I won’t if you really don’t want me to. But if you’re saying that because you’re ashamed of your body or the way you smell or how incredibly wet you are, please don’t feel that way. Because I want to do this, Janet. And in a minute you’ll have no regrets.”

Janet really listened to the sound of Trina’s voice, rough and deeper than usual, and peeked down at her face from under her fingers. “If I don’t like it I get to say stop.”

“Of course.”

“Okay. You can try it.”

Trina chuckled, and Janet shut her mind against the one time Roger had done this to her, and how unpleasant it had been for both of them. After that they stuck to their usual position, and that was better. But when Trina’s mouth descended on her flesh, which was as wet as she’d said, it was like night and day. Trina wasn’t kidding when she said she knew what she was doing; everything felt sensitive. Janet had to uncover her eyes to clap a hand over her mouth, and her hips seemed to move of their own volition. She groaned once, twice, feeling like her whole body was on fire.

Fingers slipped inside her so carefully, and Trina started to focus on that hot part of her that never seemed to respond when Janet tried (rarely) to touch herself. And Trina’s free hand crept around her hip under her bottom to flick that place that felt so good before, and this time she couldn’t hold back. She whined loudly, spurring Trina on, who kissed and moved and massaged everything in perfect time. Janet was so hot between her legs she wanted to get away, for the pressure to stop, but then she wanted more, more, of everything, until the pleasure was so great she was breathless, and then something broke inside her and exploded. She squeezed her eyes shut and saw colors as it happened-this was an orgasm, finally.

“Ooohh,” she cried when her hips fell back to the bed, after practically levitating against Trina’s mouth. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.” Her muscles were contracting over and over around Trina’s fingers, and the sensation was so unusual and deep she felt tears spring to her eyes. She blinked them back as Trina kept nuzzling between her legs, humming gently in what sounded like satisfaction.

Roger had asked her once, how often she had them, and she just said, “Most of the time, honey. Usually when you do.”

Over the years she thought maybe she’d had one and missed it.

She knew now that this was the first time, and it was amazing.

Before she could stop it, she laughed, because she felt happiness well up inside her and spill out. “Oh my God,” she said again. She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“So that’s a yes?” Trina asked, her smile sensual as she slid up Janet’s body.

“Definitely,” Janet replied, exhaling when Trina kissed her throat. “You made it seem so easy.”

“It can be. If you’re relaxed, and you trust, and your partner makes the effort. Although some women need a little push from something extra, and that’s okay too.” Janet frowned when Trina didn’t elaborate at what “extra” meant. “But you just… needed a little TLC.”

Janet swallowed, and thought again of Roger. “I should have told him. I never told him. But I don’t think he wanted to know.”

Trina nodded against her shoulder.

“I wasn’t honest with him until the end, you know. I held everything in. I wasn’t afraid of him, or how he’d react. I was afraid of what I felt. That my life wasn’t enough, to just be a mother and a wife.”

“You were always more than that, Jan,” Trina said, running fingers along one arm. “Even if you didn’t notice.”

Janet closed her eyes, enjoying the lassitude of her body, and the warmth of Trina’s weight against her own. This feeling of comfort and relaxation was another unexpected benefit of this orgasm business; in this state, whatever Trina asked her, she’d answer truthfully.

Looking down at the way Trina’s skin was so dark and elegant compared to her own, a little bolt of arousal flared up. And she was reminded that while she had orgasmed, Trina had not. “What about you?” Janet asked.

“Me?” Trina said. “I know I’m more than just a wife-“

“No,” Janet said, and her face heated up. “I mean, um, sex. You didn’t-“

“Oh,” Trina replied, laughing lightly. “It’s okay. One step at a time.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Janet said firmly, because it was. Trina had just made her have an orgasm in less than-she glanced at the clock-half an hour, after decades of nothing. She wasn’t going to end their night together unevenly. “Show me how.”

“Janet, really-“ Trina reasoned, until Janet cut her off.

“I don’t do anything halfway, Trina. You should know that by now. And I-“ want to do this, Janet said to herself, looking down at Trina’s frankly stunning body. She was not a lesb-not different from everyone else like Henry was, not in the least. This was different. This was a friend teaching a friend. And it was Trina, who defied all categorization. Her personality would not fit in a box, nor should it. “Show me,” she simply said, and when Trina smiled in surprise, she knew she had won.

It was strange, learning to touch a woman, because with Roger, she barely had to do anything to arouse him. And honestly, Trina didn’t need much in the realm of arousing either, but she seemed to enjoy touches and caresses as she did everything else. So that’s where they started, with Trina covering Janet’s hand and running it across her body. She nodded in approval whenever Janet found someplace worth spending time on, and spend time she did. Putting aside her discomfort, Janet kissed when it seemed right, and since she was a quick study, she turned Trina over and moved her mouth over the long, responsive muscles of Trina’s back. She reveled in the moans this evoked, feeling herself grow wet again between her legs. When she came to that spot above Trina’s bottom, Trina arched, sounding as if she was in pain, and Janet’s head swam.

“Touch me,” Trina said, sounding desperate.

Janet knew what she wanted. Their position unnerved her; this was different from everything in her experience. But she soldiered on and slipped a hand between Trina’s legs, finding her soaked down her thighs. Trina’s fingers guided hers inside, where it was hot and soft, and when Trina began to move, using her own hand to help herself along, Janet moaned in shock. She kissed that place on her lower back, and when she used her tongue, she felt Trina tense and cry out before a pressure crushed the fingers that were inside her. Janet breathlessly realized the contractions that pulsed around her were an orgasm, and she wished she could feel it too, because already she wanted more.

Before the contractions had stopped, Trina had turned over and covered Janet’s body with her own, kissing her eagerly. Janet opened her mouth to the questing tongue as fire flashed between them; she gasped when Trina’s hand nudged between her legs. This time there was no hesitation in her touch-she focused on that spot that had given Janet trouble over the years and in less than a minute coaxed a second orgasm from her once uncooperative body.

When it was over and Janet opened her eyes, Trina was above her, gazing down with a cocky grin. “See?” she said. “I knew you could do it.”

Janet’s first instinct was to argue with her, but she caught herself, and rolled her eyes. Instead, she replied, “You were right.” She shook her head. “I bet you’ll never let me forget it, either.”

Trina’s expression changed from teasing to affectionate. “I hope you won’t forget. I know I won’t,” she said gently.

Just like that, any embarrassment fled, and something in her belly twisted so hard it made Janet stop breathing. She smiled weakly. Instead of getting up from the bed and getting dressed, Trina cuddled into Janet’s arms. “It was wonderful,” she said, rubbing her smooth shins along Janet’s. “You’re very brave.”

Janet snorted. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Three hours ago, could you have imagined you’d be lying here with me? Had it even crossed your mind?”

Swallowing against a dry throat, Janet said, “Well, no.”

“You took a chance. You were brave. And beautiful. And you have a very soft touch.”

She wanted to deny Trina’s words, but that felt like a betrayal of everything they’d shared. Simply, she said, “Thank you.”

Reaching down, Trina pulled the sheet up over both of them. “Stay?”

Janet turned the options over in her mind briefly before replying, “All right.”

“Good. Tom’s going to call in the morning, and while I tell him everything, you can make breakfast.”

Janet laughed as Trina blew out the candles before reclaiming her spot in Janet’s arms.

the end.