Fic: Troubled...

[chickinwhite]

Title: Troubled

Author: chickinwhite

Rating: PG 13

Word account: ~ 3,650

Summary: Hunting was Cara´s return (- my way), and now  she feels troubled…(janicehope  poked me to give Dahlia a second chance...(ok - ich hab´s versucht!! ;o)

Disclaimer: Nothing of LotS belongs to me (such a pity!) - no business, just fan-fun

Note: I didn´t want to do a second part of “Hunting” but actually…here it is :o) So perhaps you should read the both of them (- if you like it…) This happens after ep.20/eternity, and the day after “Hunting” .

I´m really grateful for b. as kind of buddy in silly-lj-questions (and there are a lot..) - So sorry you got lost while beta-ing…?!?-

Troubled

She felt her steely gaze on her skin, burning into her shoulders, hard and inexorable since a few hours now. Whenever she turned half towards her, she saw her staring eyes, remorseless, not blinking away for the slightest moment. This woman didn´t even think about giving in to her glare, peering at her. It was kind of a battle; they fought without any moves and without any noise, but she felt more and more annoyed. Those eyes showed no emotion, they just stared at her, but Kahlan could literally feel the wall of concentrated hate and scorn that surrounded her, followed her, always ready to roll over her like a dark distractive wave.

She was on her watch. Her companions had taken their bed rolls inside the small cave and were asleep. At least they should be. But Kahlan knew as sure as if she could see it right in front of her, that Cara would lie awake, couldn´t get any rest, and she ached to see her, talk to her, but she couldn´t. She couldn´t dare let this woman alone, the one that caused her hackles rising, though she was tied up and she had checked the bonds herself several times, to reassure, that the threat she posed couldn´t turn into deadly reality in a sudden.

She felt concerned about Cara. The Mord Sith hadn´t spoken with her during the whole day, she refused any words, which even had seemed not to reach her ears, while she was brooding, retreated into her shell, just moving mechanically with her companions…

- and  with their captive.

Kahlan couldn´t tell exactly what it was, that Cara dealt with. But she was absolute sure, that it was something more than her final return to them after been tortured so hardly, that it was something in the pure presence of this woman in red leather, who stared at her from the opposite of the campfire. She stretched her chin and watched her captive thoughtfully.

At least, she blamed Richard for this. If he hadn´t insisted, if he hadn´t decided, this Mord Sith could be very useful in detecting the next steps of his brother which would lead them into the better position, all could have felt so …RIGHT!

But Richard hadn´t listened to her arguments, had ignored her angry voice and his grandfather agreed with him - like he mostly did when she begged to differ - and so he had ordered Cara to give her sister the breath of life. She could tell that doing so had taken a lot out of Cara, the way, she had stiffened, the tiny instant of hesitation, her brows frowned and - oh Cara! - her gaze, that ripped deep into her heart, all those details had spoken volumes… At least, when the other Mord Sith slowly came back to life, Kahlan had caught a short blink from Cara, kind of a plea for forgiveness, that Kahlan had not been able to classify. Not yet.

And then she had watched the Mord Sith waking up, puzzled about what had happened, searching and recognizing first Richard, which made her frowning, then Zedd and at least Cara. Her eyes had widened, filled with unbelieving and the one question „WHY???”, but Cara had turned away, unable to hold out against those eyes.

- And Kahlan had felt her heart breaking a tiny bit…

The revived Mord Sith had been bound and when she stood upright, she had met Kahlans eyes and  seemed to recognize in the same instant, that she faced the woman, she should blame for all. Her gaze had finally locked with Kahlans, burning with concentrated rage and hate and Kahlan knew within a heartbeat, that whatever may come, she better should be on the qui vive, that this Mord Sith would never get into her back, if she wanted to survive.

And now she sat here, confronted with a tied, dump stranger, whose eyes were throwing mental daggers towards her - which Kahlan could nearly sense as strong stitches in her chest.

Kahlan examined the other woman, her stoic confessor face didn´t show anything, while inside she felt a growing muddled medley of emotions. The brown haired wore the red leather of the Mord Siths, she could hear it creaking gently from time to time, when she yanked covertly her bonds. Her hair was bound tautly out of her face, falling in a long braid over her shoulder, the way, Mord Sith usually wore it. Her eyes had the color of carrageen in the early sunlight - even though they were covert right now by an icy winter breeze… She was beautiful, in an own, special way. Rough and firm, but beautiful. Kahlan knew who she was, she had recognized her while she fought against her, had felt a sudden, murderous rage, an urgent needing to kill this woman, longing to snuff her out… - she was the one who had betrayed Cara!

____

“She will never be yours!”

Kahlan cringed at the sudden words. And she didn´t want it, but she had to admit, that even her voice was kind of beautiful. Or might have been, if it wouldn´t be as harsh and acidly, as it was with the few words she spit at her. Her tone was sharp-edged like razors, cutting slowly into Kahlans skin. She didn´t answer, just kept on staring at the other with her nothing-betraying confessors face.

“I will kill you - or Cara - before I allow her to be yours, Confessor!” her low voice a naked threat, her eyes had narrowed, filled with the passion of hate. The title was a miserable spitting on Kahlan.

Kahlan could literally sense how her mind froze with her words. Somewhere deep inside her chest the medley of emotions started to whirl around, changing slowly. It was the beginning of an ungovernable anger, climbing up from her belly, flooding her chest. With a voice, keen and cold as ice she answered slowly:

“You won´t! I will ensure that there will be no space resting for you, to do her any harm again. You and your sisters, and the man you serve, you have tortured her the longest time! This will never - NEVER!! - happen again, I swear!!” Her voice was a low dark growl. Her eyes kept no longer the unreadable confessor’s expression; their brilliant blue had turned into dark and dangerous pools. “So don´t dare even think about it - you will regret it!”

The Mord Sith raised her chin. She stood there, leaning against the tree she was tied to, proudly, sending a scoffing smirk to her. Her voice dripped of scorn when she spoke again, every word meant as a smack into Kahlans face.

“You don´t know the first thing about her!” she gave a low chuckle, “What you take for a torture was in truth saving her, rescuing her from the sad fate of being your abased slave. I can tell you, that Cara has deserved so much more than this! I know her for my whole life; I shared with her every step on her way to be broken and finally advancing to the favorite of Lord Rahl! I was the one who treated her wounds, as she did with mine! I know the darkest sides of her, her desires, her power! - When I found her she was nothing but a well trained pet of the Seeker, and of his Confessor! Weak and lost! - But I remembered the former Cara, who was strong and straight, proud and dignified.

All what we have done - what I have done - was for her best. ..and, oh damned, it was almost too late for her!

Do you know how long she resisted her training?

Lord Rahl gave her the honor to train her himself.  And you might believe me: he knows exactly how it works. He´s an artist with the agiel!” She smirked.

”But she resisted! Even through the hardest tortures she didn´t give in; when she was bleeding all over, when her skin was painted with marks and bruised, she didn´t give in! Instead she mocked at him!” - and with a soft smile - “ She really made me very proud!”

Kahlan had shut her eyes down. Her heart pounded hard in her chest, it felt as if gripped by a cold hand, twitching slightly; the air had become a dogged mass blocking her breath. She didn´t want to hear it, didn´t want to imagine the pain Cara had been through, but Dahlia continued, and she couldn´t escape, so she listened:

“Cara was the strongest and worthiest Mord Sith that ever served Lord Rahl. So he didn´t expect her to be easily re-broken again. But I know that deep inside her she wanted to come back! She ached for it! That´s her real live, her true essence, serving the true Lord Rahl is her live, being with her sisters - being with me - is her live! - and at least Lord Rahl found a way to break her…”

While listening to the words, Kahlan had moved from the rock she had been sitting on and stood now straight, her raised chin, her clenched jaw and her hands, clenched in fists, showing white knuckles, spoke of her hard battle not to lose her temper. She had visions of Cara in her mind, hanging in chains, being hurt and bleeding…In the sudden silence there was nothing to hear but the sizzling noise of the dying campfire. Kahlan took a deep breath.

Though she felt an overwhelming reluctance she couldn´t help but ask:

“What has he done?” her voice trembled, barely a whisper. Her eyes were opened wide, already frightened of the answer.

“He convinced the sisters of the dark to assist. They forced the agiel with all the pain of Caras former victims, so Lord Rahl could turn it successfully against her.” Her eyes got a special gloss in reminding: ”It was the most powerful breaking I have ever had the honor to join.” With a proud glare she focused Kahlan, who trembled slightly, not believing the frenzy she heard.

If Lord Rahl had the help of dark magic, the agiel he used would have had an unimaginable power, it would have caused a kind of pain that would not only destroy the mind through the body, but would even crush the soul of its victim. Kahlan barely heard a harsh wheeze before recognizing it was her own mouth which had let it out. She swallowed twice, trying to keep her mind clear and not to give in to the frightening emotion of been hurt, from deep inside. The strange feeling of a knife scratching at her heart, sharp and vicious.

Kahlan closed her eyes. She remembered the moment, when her dagger had been snatched out of her hand and she had turned, stunned facing this stranger, who looked like Cara, but who had not the tiniest spark of Cara inside her. A cold shiver run down her spine, when she imagined her steely gaze, ready to kill, ready to erase everything what had been before with a single blow. She remembered her own desperation, when she recognized, that she had lost her…

There was a stifled moan from Kahlans lips. She had approached towards her captive, asking in a low, painful controlled voice:

“How could you let this happen? If you care for her, as you pretend you do, how could you ever let this happen? You almost destroyed her!” Her voice had grown louder and the last two words she nearly hissed in a sharp-edged wheeze.

Dahlia stretched her chin arrogantly. “It is the privilege of Lord Rahl, to judge over his Mord Siths. He cares for us. It´s not up to me to put his decisions into question! I am just proud to serve him, and I know, that Cara will be proud again to serve him. And she will do! Cause I will do everything to regain her, because I care for her! I love her because she is what she is!”

Something inside Kahlan exploded with an impact which made the air burning in a sudden. Before even thinking about she lunged out, backhanded Dahlia with all the fury she felt, blowing her head against the tree, just wishing she would stop to talk. There was not even magic in her beat - it was nothing but pure, naked rage, irresistible grown in her mind and now bursting outside, uncontrolled and wild. She stroked out to hit a second time, frantic, longing to punish this woman hardly for what she blamed her, giving her back a part of what Cara had been gone through...

“Kahlan!”

Breathing heavily she stared at Dahlia who sneered back at her, Kahlan barely noticed that the Mord Sith bled from the corner of her lips, feeling the rage washing through her mind.

“KAHLAN!!” louder this time. When she turned she faced Cara, her brows lifted, reaching out to grab her shoulders and shake her slightly. “Kahlan, what are you doing? What happens here?”

„Cara…?“ - Kahlan focused on her, surprised. She had missed her approach; turning half away from Dahlia, who acknowledged her with a sharp glare which didn´t even try to hide her lust to kill Kahlan. -  Now!  - And as painful as possible!

The blonde was near, her eyes peered first Kahlan then went over to Dahlia, frowning warily, and after a short moment searched Kahlans again. She knew it was really the wrong moment, but she could barely hide a grin over the picture of the two women, one matching the others posture, the one tied to the tree almost throwing out sparks, the other with scrunched, angry eyes, but both kind of kingliness with stretched chins and clenched jaws, squared shoulders - and kind of sullen at the same time. But then her gaze caught Kahlans, and she stopped smirking. The confessor had gotten pale; her eyes flashed fire behind their brilliant blue, small muscles under her cheekbones worked heavily in concentration of keeping her temper.

Cara furrowed her brows while catching Kahlan, who still breathed heavily and enraged but didn´t say a word, at her arms, pulling her away from the Mord Sith, trying to understand what had happened between the two women. She was astonished in some degree to find Kahlan smacking a bound captive as hard as she had. This was Kahlan! And this was definitive no normal behavior of her, who was always controlled and compassionate, who ever tried to understand the reasons before judging.

The Mother Confessor a fury? Cara shook her head slightly; she knew that there could only be one reason for this; and this reason had a name: DAHLIA!!

She sighed deeply, before turning around.

It´s been a bad night, and like Kahlan had assumed, she hadn´t slept a single moment, listening to the night birds songs, lurking to any sounds from the campfire outside. A low voice inside her head had tried to convince her that she should go and talk to Kahlan, should tell her that she was fine, that she didn´t doubt anything, but she had managed to ignore it for hours.

She wanted to do so badly, but wasn´t ready yet, not capable to explain what had happened, to fix the root of the matter.

There were too many thoughts, her mind overloaded with memories floating through her as it had been for the whole day. Visions of the last year, her being with her friends - friends, it sounded still odd in her ears - battles they had fought together, victories they had shared.

- feelings which had troubled her …

And visions of her former life: dungeons in the palace, bathes with her sisters. The smell of blood and sweat. Nights she had shared with Dahlia. Triana, who had left her for death but had died instead, Lord Rahl and the sisters of the dark, re-breaking her…

From the moment, when Dahlia had started to breath again and her eyes had asked her, reproachful - why?? - she had felt this… - troubled.

The hours had gone by while walking with her companions, brooding over what had happened.  - Richard and his grandfather didn´t even seem to notice that something really important had changed. They just appreciated to have Cara back and didn´t question it.

But Cara had felt Kahlans gaze on her back, not staring, not burning on her skin, more the way like a soft warm touch, covering bad thoughts, comforting… Cara had caught out herself smiling several times, when she could literally feel the gentle breeze of her eyes, running softly over her.

Those were the moments when she reminded how she had laid beside her on the clearing, burying her head on Kahlans shoulder, trembling, exhausted, but relieved and - finally - liberated. The smell of Kahlan comforting her mind, her arms holding her tight, her voice a husky embrace, whispering her name again and again…

She remembered how she had wished she could stop time and rest with this feeling of sweet weightlessness for eternity.

But there was something else, a queerish and grievous feeling, burning in her bones, drawing in her waist! Gnawing on her mind! Something she had never felt before, strange, agitating. Cara had tried, but couldn´t classify it. And whenever her eyes met Dahlias, it bubbled up like an emerging storm, it hit like a smack on her face. It had taken her the whole day to figure it out, and when she finally had perceived it, she had denied it. She didn´t accept what she felt, she knew, it wasn´t right, she shouldn´t feel like that! She struggled hard to remove this feeling from her mind, but at least she had to face it. And she should try to live with it…

She felt guilty.

Cara slowly approached Dahlia. She had made her decision. And it didn´t matter what Richard, or his grandfather - or even Kahlan - would have to say about it.

When she was close, close enough to sense the heat under her leather, she pulled off one glove to touch the Mord Sith gently, caressing her cheek, a faint smile on her lips. Dahlia reacted in the split of a second, leaning into her palm, her glance meeting Caras with blooming desire.

“I´ve waited for you, Cara! I knew you would come for me.” She twitched slightly at her bonds, “let us finish those games, please, I know you can´t wait for our privacy.” Cara smiled at her, ignoring the fierce gasp, coming from Kahlan, who stood a few steps beside, alerted and wary, ready to grasp for her daggers and fight if she only got a reason. She locked with the carrageen-green eyes, still smiling faintly, but there was a slight shadow of sorrow in her glance. Slowly she put her hands around Dahlias waist, catching the bonds she was tied with. Her low voice was merely a whisper in Dahlias ear:

“I told you, Dahlia, it´s over! I will never go back to where I came from! I will never again be merely the living weapon of a tyrant!

AND -  I will never - did you hear me? NEVER!! - forget how you betrayed me!

It´s only due to Richard, that you are alive. I don´t want to kill you again. So, when I will free you now, just turn around and leave! - This will be your only chance to do. And you would be well advised never to get in my way again!” Dahlia cringed visibly, but didn´t answer, her eyes narrowed, and her frozen gaze wandered slowly over to Kahlan, who hadn´t heard the words, but could well sense the results like sharp knives. If looks could kill, she would have fallen lifeless to the ground. So her eyes widened in surprise, when she realized, that Cara was going to unbind this woman. She hissed a frightened “NO!”, but in this second the Mord Sith was freed, grasping enraged in the same instant for one of Caras agiels from her side and flashing around with a sharp wheeze, her eyes filled with desire to kill, reaching out to strike Cara with a deadly blow - but a strong arm was faster, stopped her roughly from behind, a sharp dagger scratched her neck -

“…Will regret it, remember?” Kahlan hissed.

She took a look at Cara, who smiled at her with calming eyes.

“It´s okay, Kahlan, let her go. I´m sure she comprehends the meaning of it”

Hesitating Kahlan released Dahlia after a few seconds, stepping beside. The Mord Sith straightened up, her gaze glowed with disdain when she looked Kahlan over from head to toe. She turned slowly to Cara: “I never thought, Cara, the proud leader of the pack would become the silly toy of the Mother Confessor” she snapped viciously. Kahlan moved enraged, but Caras hand lay on her forearm, squeezing slightly to holt her back.

Dahlia stood close now to Cara, whispering „It’s not that easy, Cara! Whatever you´ll do, you can hate me or you can love, but you will never be able to forget me!” and after a last killing glance she was turning away and leaving…

Looking afterwards her Cara smiled joyless and murmured: “I don´t have to, Dahlia! You will ever be a part of who I am…” and while her eyes wandered almost tenderly to the brilliant blue pools of Kahlans, offering her an affectionate smile, she sighed:

“… but just simply not the best one…”

the.end

...okay from here on it´s official: this will be a multi-chapter-story...  here to part3: "confused