Revolving - Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Yasuda tried to ignore the feeling nagging at him as he followed after Subaru, the lingering warmth of the other boy's hand already fading away. He stared at Subaru's back, the distance between the two growing as Yasu lingered on the conversation. The more he thought about it, the more worried over Subaru's avoidance of his question.
Subaru looked back over his shoulder at Yasuda. "Do you want to come over?"
Yasuda shook himself out of his train of thought, "You don't have to work today?"
He shook his head. "Not today."
Yasu nodded, taking Subaru's extended hand as he tried to shake his fears away. He knew that for the time being, Subaru wasn't pushing him away. Instead of worrying about the future, about what Subaru's reluctance to answer his question meant, he decided to embrace the present.
Subaru grabbed Yasuda's hand, dragging him down the street. He glanced over his shoulder, grinning at Yasu. "Come on. Taeko isn't home right now."
Yasu's stomach flopped as he realized the meaning behind such a cheeky smile and exactly what activities Subaru had in mind. He sped up his pace, coming into step with Subaru as the last clinging doubts left his mind to be replaced by excitement.
A silence fell over them once again, a happiness filling Yasuda as he gripped Subaru's warm hand in his. This, he thought, must be bliss. Being able to hold hands with Subaru without the fear of what others would think.
He couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to be this way all of the time. To be able to hold his hand as they walked down the hall. Or just being able to look at him, to share smiles or jokes, without having to hide anything.
All of the things that Yasuda wanted felt so far out of reach. He had to wonder if he wanted the same things Subaru did. He knew, as his thumb slid over the top of Subaru's hand, that the other boy enjoyed being with him. There was a mutual attraction, a desire for closeness that neither of the two boys could deny.
He wanted more from Subaru.
Already, they were nearly at Subaru's house, and Yasuda was filled with a mixture of nervousness and excitement as Subaru looked over at him again.
The dark-haired boy released Yasuda's hand as he pulled a set of keys from his pocket to unlock the door. As soon as the door was unlocked and the pair were inside, behind closed doors, Subaru grabbed Yasuda's shoulders, pushing him back against the wall as he brought his lips down on him.
Yasu could do nothing but sigh at the contact as Subaru shrugged his jacket off. He clutched onto Subaru's shirt when the long-haired boy pressed his body into Yasu's, chest against chest, as he wedged his thigh between Yasuda's legs.
Shota was sliding down the wall, tilting his head back and opening his mouth as Subaru slid his tongue greedily into Yasu's mouth, his thigh pressing into Yasu's crotch. He gasped again, gripping hard onto Subaru's back as he pressed himself back against Subaru.
Subaru let out a pleased moan at the contact, and Yasu wondered as Subaru's fingers crawled under his shirt when he had become such a wanton person.
He was a teenage boy, so of course he knew what it felt like to be aroused, to be curious about the pleasure another person could give him. He would never have thought, however, that he would move this fast in a relationship.
Perhaps it was because of how much he wanted Subaru. Not just sexually. As he rolled his hips pressing himself into Subaru's thigh, his spine tingled in pleasure, and he thought that if he pressed himself just a little bit more he could absorb some part of Subaru into him. That if he gave himself wholly, maybe Subaru would give even the tiniest bit of himself in return.
He wanted to be the one Subaru shared his thoughts and fears and hopes with. Even if it was excruciatingly painful to hear about Rikiya, even if it crushed him, he wanted Subaru to be able to share everything with him. He wanted to continue being his support and his best friend in addition to his lover.
He would willingly give himself completely to Subaru, in the hopes that Subaru would someday surrender himself, mind and body. He realized that he was desperate to make every bit of Subaru completely his.
Yasu squeezed his eyes shut, rocking himself against Subaru, every sensation causing his arousal to heighten. Subaru removed his lips from Shota's, burying his face against his neck as he played with the short silky hairs at the nape of Yasu's neck.
Subaru arched his back, pressing his thigh firmly against Yasu's hard length as his fingers scraped against the warm skin of Yasu's own back.
Yasuda groaned, wanting to be free of his clothes, wanting to feel Subaru's skin on his own. He was shocked as he found his mind wandering to what it would feel like to be buried so deep inside of Subaru. His entire body was hot, on fire with desire. He needed to feel Subaru, feel that closeness, even more than he needed air.
But then the logical part of his brain took over and he thought that maybe everything was happening too fast. As much as he wanted it, he couldn't do this when Subaru wasn't even ready to acknowledge their relationship let alone give it a name.
Then a new fear struck Yasu, and he pushed Subaru away with force as wave after wave of nausea overcame him. He wondered what Subaru wanted from him. Was it really him that Subaru wanted? Or was he thinking of Rikiya every time they kissed?
After pushing Subaru away, Yasuda adjusted his clothes, panting hard and refusing to look at the other boy. His cheeks pinkened and Yasu felt, for perhaps the first time in his life, completely humiliated.
There was no shame or humiliation in the way he felt for Subaru. His feelings were pure, of that he was one hundred percent sure. How he felt for Subaru, he had never felt for another human being. He wasn't ashamed of the desire or embarrassed of how intimate of a moment they had just shared.
No, he was humiliated because he couldn't shake the feeling that in that moment, he was only some sort of momentary replacement for Rikiya.
"What's wrong?" Subaru asked, his voice suddenly filled with worry.
He couldn't tell Subaru how he felt. He refused to bring Rikiya up. He remembered what he had said when he confessed to Subaru. Remembered how he had basically told Subaru it was fine if he was always second to Rikiya.
Yasuda knew there was nothing he could but bury the pain it caused him, ignore the sick feeling that would surely well up in him every time he thought he was being compared to Subaru's ex-lover.
Subaru was still watching him in concern as the front door opened again and Subaru's little brother entered the home.
"What are you guys doing standing here?" He asked, eyeing Subaru and Yasuda with suspicion as he removed his shoes.
"Go away," Subaru spat at his little brother. "We're talking."
"Fine. Geez," the youngest Shibutani mumbled, climbing the stairs as he looked back at the pair in suspicion.
When the intruder was finally gone, Yasuda turned away. "I just remembered that I have to do something."
"Wait," Subaru called, latching onto Yasu's jacket. When Yasu turned to face the voice, Subaru was staring at him with a desperate look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Yasu nodded and smiled through the pain. "I just forgot that I promised my mom I'd be home after school today."
"Okay," Subaru replied, an uncertainty in his voice as he released his hold on Yasuda's jacket. "Will I see you tomorrow?"
Yasu bit his lip as he opened the front door. "I don't know. I promised Ohkura-kun I would practice all weekend."
"I see," Subaru finished, and Yasuda felt bad for pushing him away. "I'll see you at school on Monday then?"
Yasu nodded, leaving the home and pulling the door shut behind him. Outside, no longer under Subaru's gaze he let out a shaking breath. As he began the short walk back home, he found that his body was shaking and his legs felt like they were made of rubber.
There was still lingering traces of arousal as Yasu remembered the way Subaru's body felt pressed against his, the way Subaru's nails had scraped gently against his skin. He could remember clearly the desire to feel all of Subaru, to fill him completely.
But the real reason why his legs were shaking was because he couldn't shrug the dirty feeling that his desires would never be returned by Subaru. He knew that as time went on, his feelings for Subaru would grow. These desires would not go away. The more time he spent with Subaru, the harder it would be to deny those desires.
He was already growing addicted to Subaru's lips, to his kisses and the way his hands felt on his body and the hot breath on his skin that made him feel like he was melting into the earth. He could push Subaru away now and avoid taking that final step that he knew would crush him.
He knew that he would be back. No matter how much it hurt him to think that Subaru was thinking of Rikiya, that he was only a replacement -- a cheap imitation of something Subaru wanted more.
The closer he let himself get to Subaru, the harder it would be to resist. His desire was already so thick he could taste it, feel it in his bones oozing to the surface with every look or touch Subaru gave him.
He couldn't shake the thoughts all night, and he felt scared as he realized it was only a matter of time before he offered every bit of himself to Subaru. That it was only a matter of time until Yasuda Shota would allow Shibutani Subaru to use him, to suffocate his happiness until it burned out, to take and take until Yasu was nothing more but the empty shell of a human being.
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Yasuda Shota was awake, dressed and out of the house by noon. This feat was not only impressive for a high school student, but for someone who had spent half of the night worrying about the future.
As he walked down the street, destination in mind, he knew the wisest thing for him to do would be to turn around and return home. He knew that pushing Subaru away the previous night had been one of the smartest things he had ever done.
But he also knew that it was too late. He had tried to forget about Subaru once before and even then he realized that it was impossible. Somewhere in the short amount of time he had known the dark haired singer, their lives had already become so intertwined. As dangerous as he knew spending time with Subaru was, he still wanted to spend every spare moment together.
So when he entered the music shop expecting to see Subaru, he was disappointed to find Ryo dusting shelves.
"Hey!" Ryo called, looking up as Yasuda entered the music shop.
"Hey," Yasu returned the greeting distractedly as he looked around the shop for signs of the other employee.
"Subaru doesn't come into work until one today," Ryo grinned, watching Yasu in amusement as he pulled himself onto the counter, sitting down and letting his legs dangle over the edge. "So," he began.
Yasu tried to relax but the look Ryo was giving him was a bit creepy. "So what?"
"Your confession to Subaru. How did it go?" Ryo was smiling, and from the look on his face, Yasu could tell that he was eager to hear all about it. He had clearly forgotten about the warning he had given Yasuda, the same warning that Yasu wished he would have heeded.
Yasuda shrugged. "Fine."
"He accepted it?" Ryo's grin grew wider.
"He didn't turn it down," Yasu replied, feeling uncomfortable. Ryo's happiness at the relationship only made him feel worse in his own insecurity.
"So are you guys dating?" Ryo asked.
Yasuda shrugged again, unsure of how to answer that question. It was almost identical to the one he had asked Subaru the previous day. He wasn't given an answer, and so he couldn't figure out how to answer it. "We're together."
Ryo's grin got even wider then and he jumped off the counter, clapping Yasu on the shoulder. "That's great. I thought for sure you were going to get shot down."
The conversation didn't make Yasu feel any better, so he walked away from the taller boy. "Do you mind if I play until Subaru gets here? I promised Ohkura-kun I would practice this weekend."
Ryo's lip curled up in disgust at the mention of Ohkura's name but shook his head in response to the question. "I have to go unpack some boxes in the back so can you call me if any customers come?"
Yasuda nodded, picking up the red guitar he had fallen in love with and pulling the strap over his head. He plugged it into a nearby amp, and put on the accompanying headphones.
He sat down on the edge of a stool, first lightly plucking at the strings to warm his fingers up. And then he began playing a song he had been working on, closing his eyes and losing himself in the music.
When he felt a tap on his shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his skin and he was glad he put the strap on as he felt the guitar slide out of place on his lap. Looking at the source of disruption, he noticed Subaru was standing over him. Yasu pulled off the headphones, his heart still beating from the scare.
"What are you doing here? I thought you said you had to practice today." Subaru spoke, and Yasu couldn't help but notice how cold his voice sounded.
Yasu bit his bottom lip, worrying over whether Subaru was angry with him or not. "I wanted to see you."
Subaru relaxed at those words, blushing a little as he watched Yasu stand and remove the guitar. "Oh."
"I'm sorry about yesterday," Yasuda apologized, realizing how successful he had been in pushing Subaru away. He didn't want to make Subaru feel bad. That had never been his intention. And although he knew that he couldn't reveal the real reason behind his discomfort, he felt the need to ease Subaru's worries. "It was just moving too fast. I got scared."
Subaru nodded, stepping closer to Yasuda. "I know. I understand."
They stood awkwardly for a moment. Subaru looked like he wanted to move closer but was afraid of scaring Yasuda away. And Yasuda was honestly afraid of Subaru moving closer, worried he wouldn't be able to push him away again.
Yasuda decided it was worth the risk, as he reached forward, pulling Subaru into a hug. He thought, as Subaru's arms wound around his waist, that just the warmth of Subaru's touch was enough to make him momentarily forget about all of his fears and inhibitions.
Subaru buried his face against Yasuda's neck, pulling himself tight against his body. Lightly, he placed a kiss against Yasu's pulse and then, just barely a whisper, he murmured against the soft skin, "Don't push me away."
Yasu swallowed hard, not responding to the statement, not sure if he was even meant to hear the utterance. Subaru's grip on him loosened and he leaned forward, placing a light kiss on Yasuda's lips.
"Great," An annoyed voice sounded from behind Subaru.
Yasuda released Subaru, stepping back and spotting a very uncomfortable looking Ryo standing in the doorway. "Sorry."
"I think it's great that you guys are a couple now, or whatever," Ryo looked away, busying himself behind the counter as his face turned bright red. "But can you have some consideration for others? No one wants to see that."
"Sorry," Yasu replied again, feeling his own face flushing in embarrassment.
"Don't apologize. Ryo's just mad that he's not getting any," Subaru teased, sticking his tongue out and tugging Yasuda over to the counter.
"Any what?!" Ryo asked, completely horrified at the implication. "Whatever you're 'getting' from Yasu, I don't want to hear about it!"
Yasu's face got redder still and he couldn't even bring his eyes to look at Ryo. But when he looked up, Ryo's blush had already faded and he was staring at Subaru in annoyance.
"Ryo won't admit that he likes boys. He's just embarrassed because he's turned on." Subaru teased.
Ryo's face turned red once more and Yasu couldn't tell whether it was from embarrassment or anger. He decided to pull Subaru away before Ryo killed him.
Yasu dragged him back to the guitar section, sitting down on his stool again. "Do you have a lot to do today?"
Subaru shook his head. "Not really. I was planning on letting Ryo do most of the work anyway.
Yasuda picked up the guitar again, placing the strap over his head once again. This time, he unplugged the headphones, turning down the volume on the amp so as to not bother Ryo. "I've been working on a new song."
Subaru smiled, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. "Can I hear it?"
Yasuda nodded, counting off in his head before starting the song. Normally, when he played, he allowed his eyes to fall shut, nodding to the music and letting in infiltrate every inch of his body, inside and out. But there was something exhilarating about watching Subaru watch him play.
The way Subaru watched his fingers in rapture, or the admiration in his eyes. Yasuda didn't miss the way Subaru's breath would catch in his throat or the way his lips would move as though he was singing some unknown lyrics to the song. Yasu wanted Subaru to speak up so badly, to share what was going through his mind.
Then there were the intense moments when their eyes met, when their gazes locked and it seemed that he could tell exactly what Subaru was thinking. He could see the affection, the appreciation, the complete abandonment to the music and whatever feelings it evoked in Subaru. It was during those moments that the room became so electrically charged that Yasuda felt he would suffocate.
When their eyes met halfway through the song, Yasu felt it twisting at his insides. Every bit of desire he felt for the other boy, emotional and sexual, flowing out of his fingertips and creating the very soul of a song. The sensation twisted away up into his chest, squeezing the air out of his lungs in a delicious and overwhelming pain as he noticed the desire mirrored in Subaru's own gaze.
He stopped playing mid-song, sucking in air as he realized that he had forgotten to breathe. "Play with me," he requested, staring up at Subaru.
The look left Subaru's face almost immediately as he stood up from the wall he had been leaning against. He shook his head, staring down at the floor.
Yasu sighed, trying not to feel disappointed. He had asked Subaru hundreds of times to play with him and received the same head shake each time.
He understood Subaru's feelings. He knew it was hard to forget Rikiya, that playing together had been their thing. Yasuda knew why it was painful for Subaru, and didn't blame him for avoiding it.
But knowing all of that didn't make Yasuda hurt any less.
"I think I'm going to go home," Yasuda set the guitar down and stood up.
"Are you mad at me?" Subaru asked, suddenly looking worried.
Yasuda shook his head in response. He wasn't angry. There was no way he could get mad at Subaru for treasuring his feelings for Rikiya. But at the same time, his own feelings had been hurt and he didn't want to spend the rest of the day moping around. And he didn't want to continue playing there if Subaru wouldn't join him.
Subaru watched in concern as Yasuda slipped into the jacket he had taken off earlier. "I'm sorry," his voice was pleading. "Please stay."
The way Subaru was looking at him, his eyes filled with some type of pain, made it nearly impossible for Yasuda to resist.
Subaru took a step closer, grabbing Yasu's hand. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a jerk."
"No," Yasuda shook his head. It hadn't been his intention to make Subaru feel bad. "It's not you. It's me." He was intensely jealous of Rikiya and everything he'd shared with Subaru, but Yasu couldn't say that.
Subaru didn't look any less distressed as Yasuda returned the guitar to its rack on the wall and turned off the amplifier.
They were distracted then as the door to the shop open and an obnoxiously loud voice called out, "Payday!" As the owner of the voice came around the corner, looking for Subaru, he froze. "Ah! A customer? Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Yokoyama's Music Shop. I'm the shop's proprietor."
The voice that had been so boisterous moments before, suddenly turned gentle and his language became riddled with keigo as he grabbed Yasuda's hand shaking it and bowing.
"He's not a customer," Subaru sighed in annoyance. "He's a friend."
"Oh," Yoko's face dropped and his voice changed back to the original tone. "In that case, leave if you're not going to buy anything."
Yasuda's eyes widened and was about to walk away when Subaru grabbed his arm. "Don't listen to him, Yasu. You can stay."
Yasuda was worried that his boss was going to say something, but the taller man just shrugged, pulling a check out of an envelope and handing it to Subaru. "Here you go, Subaru. Thanks for the hard work."
Subaru reached forward and grabbed the check. He walked over to the counter and Yasuda and Yokoyama both followed after him. From in the depths of his bag he pulled out a small notebook and opened it up.
Yasuda watched in confusion as Subaru opened his check and began jotting down in the notebook. Yokoyama, however, seemed to understand what he was doing. He leaned against the counter, one corner of his mouth twitching up in a smile. "How much do you have saved?"
"What are you saving for?" Yasuda asked, curiously, joining Subaru, Ryo and Yokoyama at the counter. Ryo's eyes widened and it seemed that everyone else had forgotten he was there. Subaru, realizing that Yasuda was watching him, grabbed the notebook and shoved it back into his bag.
The situation seemed curious to Yasu as he looked back and forth between Subaru and Ryo.
Yokoyama, completely oblivious to the situation, asked loudly, "Do you have enough saved up to move to Tokyo?"
It took all of five seconds for Yasuda's brain to process the question and all that was implied by it.
Subaru was saving money to move to Tokyo. To be with Rikiya. That realization caused a shocking pain to ripple through his entire being. He knew he shouldn't be surprised. He knew that Subaru was in love with Rikiya. He knew that he was second to Subaru's ex.
But the shock had him frozen in place, his brain working in overtime as he realized that Subaru would leave him as soon as he had enough money saved. No matter how he tried, he would always be second to Rikiya. There was nothing he could do but wait for Subaru to leave him. So when he finally remembered how to make his body work, he was already rushing towards the door.
"Yasu, wait!" Subaru called out, and from the corner of his eye he saw Ryo grab Subaru.
As soon as he was out of the shop, he ran until he was positive that Subaru wasn't following him. And then he fell to the ground and let himself cry.
In front of god and the world, Yasuda Shota let himself cry the loud and shaking sobs he hadn't experienced since he was a child.
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Yasuda didn't go back to the shop that Saturday. He didn't go to Subaru the next day either, moping around the house and feeling sorry for himself at the realization that Subaru wasn't going to come chasing after him either.
By Sunday evening, Yasuda had already forgiven Subaru. The more he thought about it, he realized that there was really nothing to be forgiven. Subaru had never hidden his feelings for Rikiya. They both knew that he was still in love with Revolver's old lead guitarist.
Subaru had done everything to warn Yasuda against him. He had tried to stop the friendship. Had tried to put an end to any attraction the two felt for each other. It had been Yasuda's own decision to ignore Subaru's warnings and dive head first into the relationship.
Again, if Yasu would have just followed the logic of his brain instead of whatever other part of his body was telling him to let himself be consumed by Subaru, he would be able to walk away. He'd already been hurt by Subaru. Every moment they spent together was painful, every day Yasuda walked away with another bruise. Knowing that Subaru would leave him only made it more painful.
These were things he spent an entire day thinking about. But even if he knew all of these things, he knew that the next day he would pretend nothing had ever happened.
He wouldn't ask Subaru about the money. He wouldn't ask when Subaru was leaving. He would rather not talk about it, thought that it would be easier if he woke up one day to find that Subaru had gone already.
So when Monday rolled around and Yasuda walked into the classroom, he held his head high. And when Subaru's eyes met his, he simply smiled a reassuring smile and took his seat.
He could sense Subaru's discomfort, but he trusted that Subaru would never bring it up. Because he knew that it was painful for Yasuda. As much as Subaru continued to cause Yasuda pain, it was never intentional. Of that, Yasu had faith.
When lunchtime rolled around, Yasuda gathered up his bento and followed Maruyama and Ohkura from the classroom, trying his hardest to ignore that he could feel Subaru's eyes on his back.
"Yasuda-kun!" he heard a voice call as he listened in on the conversation Maru and Ohkura were having regarding the upcoming gig.
All three froze, turning around to see Ishihara running at them. Yasuda sighed, as Maruyama's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure," He glanced back over his shoulder at Ohkura and Maruyama.
Ohkura seemed quite distressed as he took note of the hard look on Maruyama's face. "Let's go Yasuda."
"I'll just keep him for a minute. He'll catch up with you guys," She grabbed Yasu's arm.
Yasu groaned. He just had everything worked out between him and Maruyama, and Ishihara seemed intent on driving a wedge between their friendship again. "What is it?" he sighed as he watched his two band mates walk towards the cafeteria.
"How are things with Subaru?" She asked.
"Shhh," He hushed her, wondering why she was bringing that up in school after he just talked to her about keeping it a secret on Friday. "Don't talk about it here."
"Come on," She said, smiling. "I can tell you're stressed out. What's going on?"
He sighed again. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about all of the things going on in his relationship, but this wasn't the time or the place. "Everything is fine."
"So, when are you going to see him again?" She asked, smiling slyly.
"Tonight, after school probably," Yasuda said, looking around and feeling nervous. He wanted to hurry up and leave before someone overheard their conversation.
"So romantic! A secret after-school rendezvous!" She squealed.
Before Yasuda had a chance to shush her, a voice called out, "Are you coming?"
When Yasu turned around, a distressed Ohkura and a glaring Maruyama were watching him closely. "Yeah," Yasuda called back. "I'll see you later, Ishihara-san"
He jogged to catch up with Maruyama and Ohkura, thankful as it seemed that neither of his friends had overheard the conversation or his plans to meet Subaru that night.
"What was that all about?" Ohkura asked cautiously.
"She just wanted to ask me about something," Yasuda answered, unable to come up with any other explanation.
"That's it?" Maruyama asked, his voice full of doubt.
"Yeah, what else would there be?" Yasuda laughed nervously.
"Yasu," Ohkura began, cautiously, "Maybe you should stop trying to be so nice to her. You're going to give people the wrong idea again." His eyes darted over to where Maruyama was staring at the floor, his jaw clenched.
"Maru," Yasuda poked the bassist's arm. "There's nothing between us. Believe me. I'm just trying to be nice to her. I don't want to be rude and hurt her feelings. She hasn't done anything to deserve being treated poorly."
Maru nodded, not saying anything. Yasuda could only hope that Maru understood that there was nothing between him and Ishihara.
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Maruyama was quieter than usual throughout the rest of lunch and through band practice after school. When Ohkura finally dismissed them at five p.m., Yasuda hurriedly packed up his guitar.
"What's the rush?" Maruyama asked, eyeing him as he gently returned his own bass to its case.
"I'm meeting a friend," Yasu said, realizing that if he wasn't more careful, he was going to let something private slip.
"Oh, yeah?" Maru asked, the same suspicion from earlier coloring his tone. "Who?"
"Ah," Yasuda lied. "You don't know him." He struggled to come up with a name and spat out the first name that came to mind, "His name's Ryo."
Ohkura spun around at the mention of Ryo's name, dropping his drumsticks on the floor in shock. Yasu almost slapped himself as he realized that it was likely that they also knew Ryo.
Unlike Ohkura, Maru gave no reaction to the name. "Mmm. I see," he replied dryly, the suspicion still in his voice.
Yasuda tried to ignore it as he picked up his own case and hurried towards the door. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."
Ohkura was still bent over, collecting the drumsticks that had rolled across the floor and Maruyama was still sulking so the only farewell he received was from Ishigaki.
Yasuda hurried from the building, across the campus and down the street towards his home, completely unaware that someone was watching him, following behind him slowly.
He had sensed Subaru's distress that day, and although a small part of him relished the idea that Subaru was feeling miserable and guilty, there was a bigger part of him that just wanted to console his friend. So when he got to the shop, it was his intention to make sure Subaru knew he wasn't angry.
He opened the door of the shop, setting his guitar case down as Subaru's angelic voice reached his ears. He focused on the lyrics as he walked quickly and silently towards the source, recognizing them as the same sad ones he has seen scribbled on the notebook on Subaru's desk. The melody was skeletal, and still Subaru's voice was hauntingly beautiful.
When he was close enough, when he was sure that Subaru was unaware of his presence, he slipped his arms around the singer's waist. The scent of Subaru's hair filled his nose as he brushed it along the nape of Subaru's slim neck.
Subaru stiffened in his arm's, his singing paused mid-word.
"I could listen to you all day," Yasuda breathed, burying his face against Subaru's shoulder.
Subaru, recognizing the voice, turned in his arms, forcing Yasu to lift his head. A small smile was on his lips as he leaned forward, kissing Yasu's waiting lips.
Yasuda let his eyes fall shut, sighing into the kiss. He pulled Subaru tighter against his body, letting the kiss consume him as Subaru's wet tongue slid against his.
He was losing himself in the kiss, in Subaru's arms, in Subaru himself. Through the kiss, he tried showing Subaru that he wasn't mad, that he's stay as long as he wanted, that he wouldn't try to ask Subaru to stay. Because in the end he only wanted Subaru to be happy. And for now, he didn't want the kiss or the moment to end as he poured every ounce of himself into it.
From behind him, however, he heard a voice that made him freeze in place. "What. the. hell."
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end chapter
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a/n: Okay so it was originally my intention to post two chapters today as per the demand of anippan. But in the end, I decided not to. I mean, I wrote such a lovely cliffhanger here that it would be such a waste to post the next chapter immediately. So I think I will let you all stew in the angst of this chapter along with the WTF ending. If I'm feeling nice, I'll post the next chapter tomorrow since it's already done.
Yasuda tried to ignore the feeling nagging at him as he followed after Subaru, the lingering warmth of the other boy's hand already fading away. He stared at Subaru's back, the distance between the two growing as Yasu lingered on the conversation. The more he thought about it, the more worried over Subaru's avoidance of his question.
Subaru looked back over his shoulder at Yasuda. "Do you want to come over?"
Yasuda shook himself out of his train of thought, "You don't have to work today?"
He shook his head. "Not today."
Yasu nodded, taking Subaru's extended hand as he tried to shake his fears away. He knew that for the time being, Subaru wasn't pushing him away. Instead of worrying about the future, about what Subaru's reluctance to answer his question meant, he decided to embrace the present.
Subaru grabbed Yasuda's hand, dragging him down the street. He glanced over his shoulder, grinning at Yasu. "Come on. Taeko isn't home right now."
Yasu's stomach flopped as he realized the meaning behind such a cheeky smile and exactly what activities Subaru had in mind. He sped up his pace, coming into step with Subaru as the last clinging doubts left his mind to be replaced by excitement.
A silence fell over them once again, a happiness filling Yasuda as he gripped Subaru's warm hand in his. This, he thought, must be bliss. Being able to hold hands with Subaru without the fear of what others would think.
He couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to be this way all of the time. To be able to hold his hand as they walked down the hall. Or just being able to look at him, to share smiles or jokes, without having to hide anything.
All of the things that Yasuda wanted felt so far out of reach. He had to wonder if he wanted the same things Subaru did. He knew, as his thumb slid over the top of Subaru's hand, that the other boy enjoyed being with him. There was a mutual attraction, a desire for closeness that neither of the two boys could deny.
He wanted more from Subaru.
Already, they were nearly at Subaru's house, and Yasuda was filled with a mixture of nervousness and excitement as Subaru looked over at him again.
The dark-haired boy released Yasuda's hand as he pulled a set of keys from his pocket to unlock the door. As soon as the door was unlocked and the pair were inside, behind closed doors, Subaru grabbed Yasuda's shoulders, pushing him back against the wall as he brought his lips down on him.
Yasu could do nothing but sigh at the contact as Subaru shrugged his jacket off. He clutched onto Subaru's shirt when the long-haired boy pressed his body into Yasu's, chest against chest, as he wedged his thigh between Yasuda's legs.
Shota was sliding down the wall, tilting his head back and opening his mouth as Subaru slid his tongue greedily into Yasu's mouth, his thigh pressing into Yasu's crotch. He gasped again, gripping hard onto Subaru's back as he pressed himself back against Subaru.
Subaru let out a pleased moan at the contact, and Yasu wondered as Subaru's fingers crawled under his shirt when he had become such a wanton person.
He was a teenage boy, so of course he knew what it felt like to be aroused, to be curious about the pleasure another person could give him. He would never have thought, however, that he would move this fast in a relationship.
Perhaps it was because of how much he wanted Subaru. Not just sexually. As he rolled his hips pressing himself into Subaru's thigh, his spine tingled in pleasure, and he thought that if he pressed himself just a little bit more he could absorb some part of Subaru into him. That if he gave himself wholly, maybe Subaru would give even the tiniest bit of himself in return.
He wanted to be the one Subaru shared his thoughts and fears and hopes with. Even if it was excruciatingly painful to hear about Rikiya, even if it crushed him, he wanted Subaru to be able to share everything with him. He wanted to continue being his support and his best friend in addition to his lover.
He would willingly give himself completely to Subaru, in the hopes that Subaru would someday surrender himself, mind and body. He realized that he was desperate to make every bit of Subaru completely his.
Yasu squeezed his eyes shut, rocking himself against Subaru, every sensation causing his arousal to heighten. Subaru removed his lips from Shota's, burying his face against his neck as he played with the short silky hairs at the nape of Yasu's neck.
Subaru arched his back, pressing his thigh firmly against Yasu's hard length as his fingers scraped against the warm skin of Yasu's own back.
Yasuda groaned, wanting to be free of his clothes, wanting to feel Subaru's skin on his own. He was shocked as he found his mind wandering to what it would feel like to be buried so deep inside of Subaru. His entire body was hot, on fire with desire. He needed to feel Subaru, feel that closeness, even more than he needed air.
But then the logical part of his brain took over and he thought that maybe everything was happening too fast. As much as he wanted it, he couldn't do this when Subaru wasn't even ready to acknowledge their relationship let alone give it a name.
Then a new fear struck Yasu, and he pushed Subaru away with force as wave after wave of nausea overcame him. He wondered what Subaru wanted from him. Was it really him that Subaru wanted? Or was he thinking of Rikiya every time they kissed?
After pushing Subaru away, Yasuda adjusted his clothes, panting hard and refusing to look at the other boy. His cheeks pinkened and Yasu felt, for perhaps the first time in his life, completely humiliated.
There was no shame or humiliation in the way he felt for Subaru. His feelings were pure, of that he was one hundred percent sure. How he felt for Subaru, he had never felt for another human being. He wasn't ashamed of the desire or embarrassed of how intimate of a moment they had just shared.
No, he was humiliated because he couldn't shake the feeling that in that moment, he was only some sort of momentary replacement for Rikiya.
"What's wrong?" Subaru asked, his voice suddenly filled with worry.
He couldn't tell Subaru how he felt. He refused to bring Rikiya up. He remembered what he had said when he confessed to Subaru. Remembered how he had basically told Subaru it was fine if he was always second to Rikiya.
Yasuda knew there was nothing he could but bury the pain it caused him, ignore the sick feeling that would surely well up in him every time he thought he was being compared to Subaru's ex-lover.
Subaru was still watching him in concern as the front door opened again and Subaru's little brother entered the home.
"What are you guys doing standing here?" He asked, eyeing Subaru and Yasuda with suspicion as he removed his shoes.
"Go away," Subaru spat at his little brother. "We're talking."
"Fine. Geez," the youngest Shibutani mumbled, climbing the stairs as he looked back at the pair in suspicion.
When the intruder was finally gone, Yasuda turned away. "I just remembered that I have to do something."
"Wait," Subaru called, latching onto Yasu's jacket. When Yasu turned to face the voice, Subaru was staring at him with a desperate look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Yasu nodded and smiled through the pain. "I just forgot that I promised my mom I'd be home after school today."
"Okay," Subaru replied, an uncertainty in his voice as he released his hold on Yasuda's jacket. "Will I see you tomorrow?"
Yasu bit his lip as he opened the front door. "I don't know. I promised Ohkura-kun I would practice all weekend."
"I see," Subaru finished, and Yasuda felt bad for pushing him away. "I'll see you at school on Monday then?"
Yasu nodded, leaving the home and pulling the door shut behind him. Outside, no longer under Subaru's gaze he let out a shaking breath. As he began the short walk back home, he found that his body was shaking and his legs felt like they were made of rubber.
There was still lingering traces of arousal as Yasu remembered the way Subaru's body felt pressed against his, the way Subaru's nails had scraped gently against his skin. He could remember clearly the desire to feel all of Subaru, to fill him completely.
But the real reason why his legs were shaking was because he couldn't shrug the dirty feeling that his desires would never be returned by Subaru. He knew that as time went on, his feelings for Subaru would grow. These desires would not go away. The more time he spent with Subaru, the harder it would be to deny those desires.
He was already growing addicted to Subaru's lips, to his kisses and the way his hands felt on his body and the hot breath on his skin that made him feel like he was melting into the earth. He could push Subaru away now and avoid taking that final step that he knew would crush him.
He knew that he would be back. No matter how much it hurt him to think that Subaru was thinking of Rikiya, that he was only a replacement -- a cheap imitation of something Subaru wanted more.
The closer he let himself get to Subaru, the harder it would be to resist. His desire was already so thick he could taste it, feel it in his bones oozing to the surface with every look or touch Subaru gave him.
He couldn't shake the thoughts all night, and he felt scared as he realized it was only a matter of time before he offered every bit of himself to Subaru. That it was only a matter of time until Yasuda Shota would allow Shibutani Subaru to use him, to suffocate his happiness until it burned out, to take and take until Yasu was nothing more but the empty shell of a human being.
-------
Yasuda Shota was awake, dressed and out of the house by noon. This feat was not only impressive for a high school student, but for someone who had spent half of the night worrying about the future.
As he walked down the street, destination in mind, he knew the wisest thing for him to do would be to turn around and return home. He knew that pushing Subaru away the previous night had been one of the smartest things he had ever done.
But he also knew that it was too late. He had tried to forget about Subaru once before and even then he realized that it was impossible. Somewhere in the short amount of time he had known the dark haired singer, their lives had already become so intertwined. As dangerous as he knew spending time with Subaru was, he still wanted to spend every spare moment together.
So when he entered the music shop expecting to see Subaru, he was disappointed to find Ryo dusting shelves.
"Hey!" Ryo called, looking up as Yasuda entered the music shop.
"Hey," Yasu returned the greeting distractedly as he looked around the shop for signs of the other employee.
"Subaru doesn't come into work until one today," Ryo grinned, watching Yasu in amusement as he pulled himself onto the counter, sitting down and letting his legs dangle over the edge. "So," he began.
Yasu tried to relax but the look Ryo was giving him was a bit creepy. "So what?"
"Your confession to Subaru. How did it go?" Ryo was smiling, and from the look on his face, Yasu could tell that he was eager to hear all about it. He had clearly forgotten about the warning he had given Yasuda, the same warning that Yasu wished he would have heeded.
Yasuda shrugged. "Fine."
"He accepted it?" Ryo's grin grew wider.
"He didn't turn it down," Yasu replied, feeling uncomfortable. Ryo's happiness at the relationship only made him feel worse in his own insecurity.
"So are you guys dating?" Ryo asked.
Yasuda shrugged again, unsure of how to answer that question. It was almost identical to the one he had asked Subaru the previous day. He wasn't given an answer, and so he couldn't figure out how to answer it. "We're together."
Ryo's grin got even wider then and he jumped off the counter, clapping Yasu on the shoulder. "That's great. I thought for sure you were going to get shot down."
The conversation didn't make Yasu feel any better, so he walked away from the taller boy. "Do you mind if I play until Subaru gets here? I promised Ohkura-kun I would practice this weekend."
Ryo's lip curled up in disgust at the mention of Ohkura's name but shook his head in response to the question. "I have to go unpack some boxes in the back so can you call me if any customers come?"
Yasuda nodded, picking up the red guitar he had fallen in love with and pulling the strap over his head. He plugged it into a nearby amp, and put on the accompanying headphones.
He sat down on the edge of a stool, first lightly plucking at the strings to warm his fingers up. And then he began playing a song he had been working on, closing his eyes and losing himself in the music.
When he felt a tap on his shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his skin and he was glad he put the strap on as he felt the guitar slide out of place on his lap. Looking at the source of disruption, he noticed Subaru was standing over him. Yasu pulled off the headphones, his heart still beating from the scare.
"What are you doing here? I thought you said you had to practice today." Subaru spoke, and Yasu couldn't help but notice how cold his voice sounded.
Yasu bit his bottom lip, worrying over whether Subaru was angry with him or not. "I wanted to see you."
Subaru relaxed at those words, blushing a little as he watched Yasu stand and remove the guitar. "Oh."
"I'm sorry about yesterday," Yasuda apologized, realizing how successful he had been in pushing Subaru away. He didn't want to make Subaru feel bad. That had never been his intention. And although he knew that he couldn't reveal the real reason behind his discomfort, he felt the need to ease Subaru's worries. "It was just moving too fast. I got scared."
Subaru nodded, stepping closer to Yasuda. "I know. I understand."
They stood awkwardly for a moment. Subaru looked like he wanted to move closer but was afraid of scaring Yasuda away. And Yasuda was honestly afraid of Subaru moving closer, worried he wouldn't be able to push him away again.
Yasuda decided it was worth the risk, as he reached forward, pulling Subaru into a hug. He thought, as Subaru's arms wound around his waist, that just the warmth of Subaru's touch was enough to make him momentarily forget about all of his fears and inhibitions.
Subaru buried his face against Yasuda's neck, pulling himself tight against his body. Lightly, he placed a kiss against Yasu's pulse and then, just barely a whisper, he murmured against the soft skin, "Don't push me away."
Yasu swallowed hard, not responding to the statement, not sure if he was even meant to hear the utterance. Subaru's grip on him loosened and he leaned forward, placing a light kiss on Yasuda's lips.
"Great," An annoyed voice sounded from behind Subaru.
Yasuda released Subaru, stepping back and spotting a very uncomfortable looking Ryo standing in the doorway. "Sorry."
"I think it's great that you guys are a couple now, or whatever," Ryo looked away, busying himself behind the counter as his face turned bright red. "But can you have some consideration for others? No one wants to see that."
"Sorry," Yasu replied again, feeling his own face flushing in embarrassment.
"Don't apologize. Ryo's just mad that he's not getting any," Subaru teased, sticking his tongue out and tugging Yasuda over to the counter.
"Any what?!" Ryo asked, completely horrified at the implication. "Whatever you're 'getting' from Yasu, I don't want to hear about it!"
Yasu's face got redder still and he couldn't even bring his eyes to look at Ryo. But when he looked up, Ryo's blush had already faded and he was staring at Subaru in annoyance.
"Ryo won't admit that he likes boys. He's just embarrassed because he's turned on." Subaru teased.
Ryo's face turned red once more and Yasu couldn't tell whether it was from embarrassment or anger. He decided to pull Subaru away before Ryo killed him.
Yasu dragged him back to the guitar section, sitting down on his stool again. "Do you have a lot to do today?"
Subaru shook his head. "Not really. I was planning on letting Ryo do most of the work anyway.
Yasuda picked up the guitar again, placing the strap over his head once again. This time, he unplugged the headphones, turning down the volume on the amp so as to not bother Ryo. "I've been working on a new song."
Subaru smiled, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. "Can I hear it?"
Yasuda nodded, counting off in his head before starting the song. Normally, when he played, he allowed his eyes to fall shut, nodding to the music and letting in infiltrate every inch of his body, inside and out. But there was something exhilarating about watching Subaru watch him play.
The way Subaru watched his fingers in rapture, or the admiration in his eyes. Yasuda didn't miss the way Subaru's breath would catch in his throat or the way his lips would move as though he was singing some unknown lyrics to the song. Yasu wanted Subaru to speak up so badly, to share what was going through his mind.
Then there were the intense moments when their eyes met, when their gazes locked and it seemed that he could tell exactly what Subaru was thinking. He could see the affection, the appreciation, the complete abandonment to the music and whatever feelings it evoked in Subaru. It was during those moments that the room became so electrically charged that Yasuda felt he would suffocate.
When their eyes met halfway through the song, Yasu felt it twisting at his insides. Every bit of desire he felt for the other boy, emotional and sexual, flowing out of his fingertips and creating the very soul of a song. The sensation twisted away up into his chest, squeezing the air out of his lungs in a delicious and overwhelming pain as he noticed the desire mirrored in Subaru's own gaze.
He stopped playing mid-song, sucking in air as he realized that he had forgotten to breathe. "Play with me," he requested, staring up at Subaru.
The look left Subaru's face almost immediately as he stood up from the wall he had been leaning against. He shook his head, staring down at the floor.
Yasu sighed, trying not to feel disappointed. He had asked Subaru hundreds of times to play with him and received the same head shake each time.
He understood Subaru's feelings. He knew it was hard to forget Rikiya, that playing together had been their thing. Yasuda knew why it was painful for Subaru, and didn't blame him for avoiding it.
But knowing all of that didn't make Yasuda hurt any less.
"I think I'm going to go home," Yasuda set the guitar down and stood up.
"Are you mad at me?" Subaru asked, suddenly looking worried.
Yasuda shook his head in response. He wasn't angry. There was no way he could get mad at Subaru for treasuring his feelings for Rikiya. But at the same time, his own feelings had been hurt and he didn't want to spend the rest of the day moping around. And he didn't want to continue playing there if Subaru wouldn't join him.
Subaru watched in concern as Yasuda slipped into the jacket he had taken off earlier. "I'm sorry," his voice was pleading. "Please stay."
The way Subaru was looking at him, his eyes filled with some type of pain, made it nearly impossible for Yasuda to resist.
Subaru took a step closer, grabbing Yasu's hand. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a jerk."
"No," Yasuda shook his head. It hadn't been his intention to make Subaru feel bad. "It's not you. It's me." He was intensely jealous of Rikiya and everything he'd shared with Subaru, but Yasu couldn't say that.
Subaru didn't look any less distressed as Yasuda returned the guitar to its rack on the wall and turned off the amplifier.
They were distracted then as the door to the shop open and an obnoxiously loud voice called out, "Payday!" As the owner of the voice came around the corner, looking for Subaru, he froze. "Ah! A customer? Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Yokoyama's Music Shop. I'm the shop's proprietor."
The voice that had been so boisterous moments before, suddenly turned gentle and his language became riddled with keigo as he grabbed Yasuda's hand shaking it and bowing.
"He's not a customer," Subaru sighed in annoyance. "He's a friend."
"Oh," Yoko's face dropped and his voice changed back to the original tone. "In that case, leave if you're not going to buy anything."
Yasuda's eyes widened and was about to walk away when Subaru grabbed his arm. "Don't listen to him, Yasu. You can stay."
Yasuda was worried that his boss was going to say something, but the taller man just shrugged, pulling a check out of an envelope and handing it to Subaru. "Here you go, Subaru. Thanks for the hard work."
Subaru reached forward and grabbed the check. He walked over to the counter and Yasuda and Yokoyama both followed after him. From in the depths of his bag he pulled out a small notebook and opened it up.
Yasuda watched in confusion as Subaru opened his check and began jotting down in the notebook. Yokoyama, however, seemed to understand what he was doing. He leaned against the counter, one corner of his mouth twitching up in a smile. "How much do you have saved?"
"What are you saving for?" Yasuda asked, curiously, joining Subaru, Ryo and Yokoyama at the counter. Ryo's eyes widened and it seemed that everyone else had forgotten he was there. Subaru, realizing that Yasuda was watching him, grabbed the notebook and shoved it back into his bag.
The situation seemed curious to Yasu as he looked back and forth between Subaru and Ryo.
Yokoyama, completely oblivious to the situation, asked loudly, "Do you have enough saved up to move to Tokyo?"
It took all of five seconds for Yasuda's brain to process the question and all that was implied by it.
Subaru was saving money to move to Tokyo. To be with Rikiya. That realization caused a shocking pain to ripple through his entire being. He knew he shouldn't be surprised. He knew that Subaru was in love with Rikiya. He knew that he was second to Subaru's ex.
But the shock had him frozen in place, his brain working in overtime as he realized that Subaru would leave him as soon as he had enough money saved. No matter how he tried, he would always be second to Rikiya. There was nothing he could do but wait for Subaru to leave him. So when he finally remembered how to make his body work, he was already rushing towards the door.
"Yasu, wait!" Subaru called out, and from the corner of his eye he saw Ryo grab Subaru.
As soon as he was out of the shop, he ran until he was positive that Subaru wasn't following him. And then he fell to the ground and let himself cry.
In front of god and the world, Yasuda Shota let himself cry the loud and shaking sobs he hadn't experienced since he was a child.
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Yasuda didn't go back to the shop that Saturday. He didn't go to Subaru the next day either, moping around the house and feeling sorry for himself at the realization that Subaru wasn't going to come chasing after him either.
By Sunday evening, Yasuda had already forgiven Subaru. The more he thought about it, he realized that there was really nothing to be forgiven. Subaru had never hidden his feelings for Rikiya. They both knew that he was still in love with Revolver's old lead guitarist.
Subaru had done everything to warn Yasuda against him. He had tried to stop the friendship. Had tried to put an end to any attraction the two felt for each other. It had been Yasuda's own decision to ignore Subaru's warnings and dive head first into the relationship.
Again, if Yasu would have just followed the logic of his brain instead of whatever other part of his body was telling him to let himself be consumed by Subaru, he would be able to walk away. He'd already been hurt by Subaru. Every moment they spent together was painful, every day Yasuda walked away with another bruise. Knowing that Subaru would leave him only made it more painful.
These were things he spent an entire day thinking about. But even if he knew all of these things, he knew that the next day he would pretend nothing had ever happened.
He wouldn't ask Subaru about the money. He wouldn't ask when Subaru was leaving. He would rather not talk about it, thought that it would be easier if he woke up one day to find that Subaru had gone already.
So when Monday rolled around and Yasuda walked into the classroom, he held his head high. And when Subaru's eyes met his, he simply smiled a reassuring smile and took his seat.
He could sense Subaru's discomfort, but he trusted that Subaru would never bring it up. Because he knew that it was painful for Yasuda. As much as Subaru continued to cause Yasuda pain, it was never intentional. Of that, Yasu had faith.
When lunchtime rolled around, Yasuda gathered up his bento and followed Maruyama and Ohkura from the classroom, trying his hardest to ignore that he could feel Subaru's eyes on his back.
"Yasuda-kun!" he heard a voice call as he listened in on the conversation Maru and Ohkura were having regarding the upcoming gig.
All three froze, turning around to see Ishihara running at them. Yasuda sighed, as Maruyama's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure," He glanced back over his shoulder at Ohkura and Maruyama.
Ohkura seemed quite distressed as he took note of the hard look on Maruyama's face. "Let's go Yasuda."
"I'll just keep him for a minute. He'll catch up with you guys," She grabbed Yasu's arm.
Yasu groaned. He just had everything worked out between him and Maruyama, and Ishihara seemed intent on driving a wedge between their friendship again. "What is it?" he sighed as he watched his two band mates walk towards the cafeteria.
"How are things with Subaru?" She asked.
"Shhh," He hushed her, wondering why she was bringing that up in school after he just talked to her about keeping it a secret on Friday. "Don't talk about it here."
"Come on," She said, smiling. "I can tell you're stressed out. What's going on?"
He sighed again. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about all of the things going on in his relationship, but this wasn't the time or the place. "Everything is fine."
"So, when are you going to see him again?" She asked, smiling slyly.
"Tonight, after school probably," Yasuda said, looking around and feeling nervous. He wanted to hurry up and leave before someone overheard their conversation.
"So romantic! A secret after-school rendezvous!" She squealed.
Before Yasuda had a chance to shush her, a voice called out, "Are you coming?"
When Yasu turned around, a distressed Ohkura and a glaring Maruyama were watching him closely. "Yeah," Yasuda called back. "I'll see you later, Ishihara-san"
He jogged to catch up with Maruyama and Ohkura, thankful as it seemed that neither of his friends had overheard the conversation or his plans to meet Subaru that night.
"What was that all about?" Ohkura asked cautiously.
"She just wanted to ask me about something," Yasuda answered, unable to come up with any other explanation.
"That's it?" Maruyama asked, his voice full of doubt.
"Yeah, what else would there be?" Yasuda laughed nervously.
"Yasu," Ohkura began, cautiously, "Maybe you should stop trying to be so nice to her. You're going to give people the wrong idea again." His eyes darted over to where Maruyama was staring at the floor, his jaw clenched.
"Maru," Yasuda poked the bassist's arm. "There's nothing between us. Believe me. I'm just trying to be nice to her. I don't want to be rude and hurt her feelings. She hasn't done anything to deserve being treated poorly."
Maru nodded, not saying anything. Yasuda could only hope that Maru understood that there was nothing between him and Ishihara.
-------
Maruyama was quieter than usual throughout the rest of lunch and through band practice after school. When Ohkura finally dismissed them at five p.m., Yasuda hurriedly packed up his guitar.
"What's the rush?" Maruyama asked, eyeing him as he gently returned his own bass to its case.
"I'm meeting a friend," Yasu said, realizing that if he wasn't more careful, he was going to let something private slip.
"Oh, yeah?" Maru asked, the same suspicion from earlier coloring his tone. "Who?"
"Ah," Yasuda lied. "You don't know him." He struggled to come up with a name and spat out the first name that came to mind, "His name's Ryo."
Ohkura spun around at the mention of Ryo's name, dropping his drumsticks on the floor in shock. Yasu almost slapped himself as he realized that it was likely that they also knew Ryo.
Unlike Ohkura, Maru gave no reaction to the name. "Mmm. I see," he replied dryly, the suspicion still in his voice.
Yasuda tried to ignore it as he picked up his own case and hurried towards the door. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."
Ohkura was still bent over, collecting the drumsticks that had rolled across the floor and Maruyama was still sulking so the only farewell he received was from Ishigaki.
Yasuda hurried from the building, across the campus and down the street towards his home, completely unaware that someone was watching him, following behind him slowly.
He had sensed Subaru's distress that day, and although a small part of him relished the idea that Subaru was feeling miserable and guilty, there was a bigger part of him that just wanted to console his friend. So when he got to the shop, it was his intention to make sure Subaru knew he wasn't angry.
He opened the door of the shop, setting his guitar case down as Subaru's angelic voice reached his ears. He focused on the lyrics as he walked quickly and silently towards the source, recognizing them as the same sad ones he has seen scribbled on the notebook on Subaru's desk. The melody was skeletal, and still Subaru's voice was hauntingly beautiful.
When he was close enough, when he was sure that Subaru was unaware of his presence, he slipped his arms around the singer's waist. The scent of Subaru's hair filled his nose as he brushed it along the nape of Subaru's slim neck.
Subaru stiffened in his arm's, his singing paused mid-word.
"I could listen to you all day," Yasuda breathed, burying his face against Subaru's shoulder.
Subaru, recognizing the voice, turned in his arms, forcing Yasu to lift his head. A small smile was on his lips as he leaned forward, kissing Yasu's waiting lips.
Yasuda let his eyes fall shut, sighing into the kiss. He pulled Subaru tighter against his body, letting the kiss consume him as Subaru's wet tongue slid against his.
He was losing himself in the kiss, in Subaru's arms, in Subaru himself. Through the kiss, he tried showing Subaru that he wasn't mad, that he's stay as long as he wanted, that he wouldn't try to ask Subaru to stay. Because in the end he only wanted Subaru to be happy. And for now, he didn't want the kiss or the moment to end as he poured every ounce of himself into it.
From behind him, however, he heard a voice that made him freeze in place. "What. the. hell."
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end chapter
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a/n: Okay so it was originally my intention to post two chapters today as per the demand of anippan. But in the end, I decided not to. I mean, I wrote such a lovely cliffhanger here that it would be such a waste to post the next chapter immediately. So I think I will let you all stew in the angst of this chapter along with the WTF ending. If I'm feeling nice, I'll post the next chapter tomorrow since it's already done.