I'd probably go comma happy in editing this, but then again I am terribly comma happy, as evidenced by this comment already, but omg I digress. I am writing you a review! Because writing reviews is good for writers. Don't start in on the not a writer thing, because you wrote a novel, thus you write and thus you are a writer.
Without discussing mechanics, the scene is rather frightening, mostly because you pull off the comparison of Harry to the toy fire truck. The transition from Harry to fire truck is much better here and though it has an abruptness to it, it is a good way of showing that Marcus is bat shit insane. He scares me, because his train of thought has gotten clearer from the first draft. He is a sadistic killer and the way you've put together the scene portrays the implication of his idea that he must exert power over Harry, because he is a dominant character. Yeah, um, he seems like the type of person who might top from the bottom in bed, if you catch my drift. Haha, probably not ^^;; Oh well.The ending is a tad
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Without discussing mechanics, the scene is rather frightening, mostly because you pull off the comparison of Harry to the toy fire truck. The transition from Harry to fire truck is much better here and though it has an abruptness to it, it is a good way of showing that Marcus is bat shit insane. He scares me, because his train of thought has gotten clearer from the first draft. He is a sadistic killer and the way you've put together the scene portrays the implication of his idea that he must exert power over Harry, because he is a dominant character. Yeah, um, he seems like the type of person who might top from the bottom in bed, if you catch my drift. Haha, probably not ^^;; Oh well.The ending is a tad ( ... )
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