First Love, Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Tap taptap. Tap taptap tap tap.
“I’m assuming this place is more impressive when the gods aren’t trying to kill us?”
Luke snuggled closer to Reid - as close as the gear stick would allow. He looked up at him through his lashes. “C’mon, this is kinda romantic. Sure, not quite the picnic I’d envisioned, but a dramatic hailstorm? The water churning, wind whipping…us in here…dry and warm.... I almost can’t think of a better way to show you the pond.”
Reid looked down at him skeptically. But his arm tightened. “I’ve had enough drama for a while, thank you. I…suppose there are worse ways to spend an afternoon, though.”
Luke looked up, delighted. His smile caused Reid to squint. It burned through the last of his defenses. No amount of sunblock could keep Luke from penetrating his soul, from illuminating, cleansing every last dank and dusty crevice. Reid cringed at the maudlin imagery. What had Luke done to him? And why was he so happy about it?
Reid realized he had lied to Luke. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend that moment, or any moment. Well, except for what he had planned for that night....
Luke’s phone bopped tinnily. Reid was about to offer withering commentary when he saw Luke’s face. Instead, he just said, “Go ahead.”
Luke hesitated. His smile had collapsed, had imploded, like a star. “No, it’s OK.”
Reid closed his eyes. “Answer it.”
Taptap tap taptap.
Luke opened his eyes, remnants of a dream evaporating before he could grasp them. Something about water. And sun.
Mmmm. He felt melted into the bed. Like dried wax on a tablecloth. He supposed he could lift his limbs if he really tried. He wasn’t sure why he’d want to, though. He lay there for another moment, wholly content. Observed idly that there was a sheet covering his naked body.
But what was that sound?
Luke rolled his head to the side and saw Reid sitting at the desk. He was typing efficiently into his laptop. Luke smiled like he’d just finished Thanksgiving dinner. Or just had his sexual mind blown. And he hasn’t even been inside me yet. Not completely.
Luke noticed that Reid had changed his shirt. A slowly forming memory caused Luke to blush. I should probably buy him a new one. Luke recognized this shirt as the one Reid had worn the day they’d traveled back from Dallas. Luke loved how it matched his hair.
“How do I make you feel?”
If only I hadn’t been so afraid.
He lay on his side and continued to watch Reid work. He didn’t want to disturb the scene just yet. He wanted to imagine that this was their life together. Traveling the country to conferences - while Reid attended sessions, Luke would telecommute…or, better yet, write. Afternoons in bed. Dinners with fellow doctors and (the other) spouses. Later, a child’s cot in the corner of the room….
Reid closed the laptop, causing Luke to jump slightly. Reid stood and approached the bed. Luke was relieved to see that his eyes had softened somewhat. Luke smiled and stretched lazily.
“Welcome back,” said Reid with a hint of a smile. He stood next to the bed.
Luke knew he was grinning like a fool but didn’t care. “How long was I gone?”
“Too long.”
Reid’s gaze had turned intense. Luke shivered with anticipation.
He ducked his head. “Sorry about your shirt.”
“You’ll make it up to me.”
Luke licked his lips. Reid’s eyes followed.
How about right now? That’s what Luke wanted to say. What he should say. Hadn’t he just been wishing he could move past the fear? Had moved past it years ago?
But doubts were creeping in. Reid hadn’t moved - wasn’t moving except for his left hand, which was lightly clenching in and out. He was close enough to touch, but Luke felt a chasm between them. Reid’s emotional force field was so strong it was palpable.
Luke faltered. He intuitively knew Reid was waiting for him to make a move - almost daring him to. But Luke thought back to Reid’s working on his laptop, to the late hour. He wondered how long before a hookup outstayed his welcome.
I am a fucking pussy.
“Were you working on something?” Luke glanced at the laptop.
Reid’s hand stilled. He rocked back onto his heels. Nodded.
Luke pulled up the sheet. Looked at Reid expectantly.
“I’m giving a talk tomorrow morning.” The corner of his mouth lifted, lowered. “Another miracle case.”
“Oh, of course.” Great job. Great fucking job. “It must be late….do you…do you need to….”
Luke fought against the tide of despair inexorably moving in. Just as he could feel Reid drawing steadily away.
“Should I leave?”
There. The chasm was now bottomless. Reid’s face had effectively shut down.
When he answered, his tone was deceptively calm. “You do what you have to do, Luke.”
Luke’s chest had just been ripped out. He was sure of it. If he looked down, he would see a void. A mini-black hole, slowly sucking the rest of his body into nothingness. What have I done? His vision started to cloud. His ears started to ring.
NO. You did this. You fix it. You and your stupid fear, stupid insecurity. He’s standing right in front of you. The man you - for years - have been fantasizing about in such exquisite detail that you’d started to wonder about the boundaries of insanity. He’s standing RIGHT THERE. The chasm is bottomless only in your mind. His shields are there because of you; you can take them down. Blast through them if you have to.
Man the fuck up.
Luke lifted his head. He met Reid’s cold gaze solidly. Resolutely. Throwing back the sheet, he kneeled on the bed. He reached for Reid’s waistband and tugged, bringing him closer. He didn’t care if Reid noticed the trembling; he wasn’t going to let anything stop him - certainly not his own fear. Not any more.
Suspecting that a kiss would be pushing his luck, Luke settled instead for finally satisfying his curiosity. Breaking Reid’s gaze, he set to work on his belt. After several fumbles - during which Reid continued to stand motionless - he released his prize. Luke was gratified to see that Reid’s frigid demeanor was, at least partly, a front. Luke had found hard evidence against Reid’s indifference. So fucking hard. Luke was transfixed. He wasn’t entirely sure it would fit, but he knew he had to have it inside of him.
First, though, he had to taste it.
With an almost embarrassing degree of reverence, Luke took Reid’s cock into his hands. He heard (felt) Reid inhale sharply, but he couldn’t look up. Couldn’t look away. He smoothed his thumb over the engorged tip, under and around the slit. Smelled the sweat and pre-cum. Leaned in. Licked it. Ignoring the tears (where had those come from?), he slowly took Reid into his mouth. Just the head, at first. He sucked slowly and tried to remember what Reid had done with his tongue. His entire being was focused on using this act to show Reid how he felt. How deeply he felt. How Reid would be his world if only he’d let him. Unfortunately, he hadn’t had much practice at this; he could barely recall his sex life with Noah involving anything more than the occasional hand job. But Luke had had plenty of time to craft detailed fantasies of what he would do should he ever get his hands on this. Too bad he hadn’t been more coherent during Reid’s master class. Didn’t matter - he was determined to make this count.
He belated remembered he should start off slow for greatest effect and withdrew his mouth. He began licking the sides with deliberate strokes, palming Reid’s balls as he worked. After the shaft had been thoroughly attended to, he trailed his mouth down to the balls and began to suck gently. Meanwhile, he had moved his hand further back, just behind. His other hand dug into Reid’s buttock. So firm. Perfect. He took brief detours to the inner thighs, at one point sucking hard enough to leave a mark. If this is all I get, then I’ll make sure you remember me, at least for a little while.
Eventually, Luke brought his mouth back to Reid’s straining penis. After a few more licks, Luke grasped it in his hands and looked up.
Reid’s face was utterly terrifying. His black eyes bored into Luke’s skull. Raised blood vessels throbbed. His gaping moth emitted short, ragged breaths. He looked like was at war with himself. With Luke.
Just as long as he doesn’t stop me.
Luke understood the stakes. Intimidating as it was, he maintained eye contact as he leaned back in. Just before his mouth touched the head, he blew lightly, teasingly. Reid jerked and briefly shut his eyes. Luke stiffened his lips and popped the head in his mouth. Down as far as he could, then up, twirling his tongue around the head. Moving his hands back to Reid’s ass, he began a rhythm. Reid gripped Luke’s head and moaned. Luke answered with an extended hum, causing Reid’s fingers to tighten painfully. Luke intensified the vibration, varied the rhythm. Sucked and blew. Relished every involuntary shudder and groan. He’d been planning to try to deep throat, but Reid’s movement had become too frantic, too fierce. Luke wanted to give everything.
He hoped it was enough.
Suddenly, with what could only be described as a roar, Reid pulled away. Dazed, gasping, Luke looked up. Reid pushed him back on the bed and spread his legs. With a ferocity that was frightening, Reid grabbed Luke’s buttocks and lowered his head. By the time Luke had figured out his intent, Reid’s tongue was in his ass. Luke saw stars. Honest to goodness stars. He blindly grasped his own penis and began to jerk himself off. But hurricane Reid was already moving on - with only a brief tearing sound as warning, Luke felt Reid’s searing, swollen cock start to press inside.
Uuunnnngh.
Reid was relentless. He insisted on filling Luke up. There was nowhere that Reid wasn’t. Nowhere to hide. But Luke didn’t want to - he wanted to be exactly where Reid was. In the same place, the same physical space. Part of him. Reid began to thrust like a man possessed. The sound of flesh slapping flesh filled the room. He grabbed Luke’s hair in one hand and stared into his eyes, gasping. Finally, Luke saw behind the veil, saw what Reid had been so carefully protecting, so fiercely hiding. Saw the agony. Saw what a scream looked like. Luke felt himself flayed open in response. Reached his arms around Reid, held on as tightly as he could.
Then, in Luke’s ear: “How many have there been? How many?” Reid’s words sounded ripped from his chest. The slaps echoed.
It took a moment for Luke to register the words. He could only guess what Reid meant.
“No one. No one else.”
Forcing himself out of Luke’s embrace, he roughly grabbed the side of his face. Locked eyes. Luke felt his soul being scoured.
Reid squeezed his eyes shut and, with a low, keening sound, abruptly withdrew and flipped Luke around. Luke had barely braced himself when Reid reentered. Almost impossibly, the tempo increased. Though he seemed on the verge of losing control. Reid managed to wrap one hand around Luke’s cock and stroke in time to the thrusts. Distantly, Luke heard his own shouts as he came. He was certain he’d entered a whole new realm of consciousness. He was sure he would never be the same.
Reid wasn’t far behind. He made the loudest sound yet - a ragged, prolonged cry that tore at Luke’s core.
“You’ve killed me.” Reid was heavy against Luke’s back, his voice a jagged rasp. “You’ve killed me.”
Luke shut his eyes against the tears.
Carefully, Luke shifted slightly so that they were on their sides, Reid still behind, still inside. Luke reached back for Reid’s hand. With what little strength he had left, he placed it over his heart.
Tap taptap. Tap taptap tap tap.
“I’m assuming this place is more impressive when the gods aren’t trying to kill us?”
Luke snuggled closer to Reid - as close as the gear stick would allow. He looked up at him through his lashes. “C’mon, this is kinda romantic. Sure, not quite the picnic I’d envisioned, but a dramatic hailstorm? The water churning, wind whipping…us in here…dry and warm.... I almost can’t think of a better way to show you the pond.”
Reid looked down at him skeptically. But his arm tightened. “I’ve had enough drama for a while, thank you. I…suppose there are worse ways to spend an afternoon, though.”
Luke looked up, delighted. His smile caused Reid to squint. It burned through the last of his defenses. No amount of sunblock could keep Luke from penetrating his soul, from illuminating, cleansing every last dank and dusty crevice. Reid cringed at the maudlin imagery. What had Luke done to him? And why was he so happy about it?
Reid realized he had lied to Luke. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend that moment, or any moment. Well, except for what he had planned for that night....
Luke’s phone bopped tinnily. Reid was about to offer withering commentary when he saw Luke’s face. Instead, he just said, “Go ahead.”
Luke hesitated. His smile had collapsed, had imploded, like a star. “No, it’s OK.”
Reid closed his eyes. “Answer it.”
Taptap tap taptap.
Luke opened his eyes, remnants of a dream evaporating before he could grasp them. Something about water. And sun.
Mmmm. He felt melted into the bed. Like dried wax on a tablecloth. He supposed he could lift his limbs if he really tried. He wasn’t sure why he’d want to, though. He lay there for another moment, wholly content. Observed idly that there was a sheet covering his naked body.
But what was that sound?
Luke rolled his head to the side and saw Reid sitting at the desk. He was typing efficiently into his laptop. Luke smiled like he’d just finished Thanksgiving dinner. Or just had his sexual mind blown. And he hasn’t even been inside me yet. Not completely.
Luke noticed that Reid had changed his shirt. A slowly forming memory caused Luke to blush. I should probably buy him a new one. Luke recognized this shirt as the one Reid had worn the day they’d traveled back from Dallas. Luke loved how it matched his hair.
“How do I make you feel?”
If only I hadn’t been so afraid.
He lay on his side and continued to watch Reid work. He didn’t want to disturb the scene just yet. He wanted to imagine that this was their life together. Traveling the country to conferences - while Reid attended sessions, Luke would telecommute…or, better yet, write. Afternoons in bed. Dinners with fellow doctors and (the other) spouses. Later, a child’s cot in the corner of the room….
Reid closed the laptop, causing Luke to jump slightly. Reid stood and approached the bed. Luke was relieved to see that his eyes had softened somewhat. Luke smiled and stretched lazily.
“Welcome back,” said Reid with a hint of a smile. He stood next to the bed.
Luke knew he was grinning like a fool but didn’t care. “How long was I gone?”
“Too long.”
Reid’s gaze had turned intense. Luke shivered with anticipation.
He ducked his head. “Sorry about your shirt.”
“You’ll make it up to me.”
Luke licked his lips. Reid’s eyes followed.
How about right now? That’s what Luke wanted to say. What he should say. Hadn’t he just been wishing he could move past the fear? Had moved past it years ago?
But doubts were creeping in. Reid hadn’t moved - wasn’t moving except for his left hand, which was lightly clenching in and out. He was close enough to touch, but Luke felt a chasm between them. Reid’s emotional force field was so strong it was palpable.
Luke faltered. He intuitively knew Reid was waiting for him to make a move - almost daring him to. But Luke thought back to Reid’s working on his laptop, to the late hour. He wondered how long before a hookup outstayed his welcome.
I am a fucking pussy.
“Were you working on something?” Luke glanced at the laptop.
Reid’s hand stilled. He rocked back onto his heels. Nodded.
Luke pulled up the sheet. Looked at Reid expectantly.
“I’m giving a talk tomorrow morning.” The corner of his mouth lifted, lowered. “Another miracle case.”
“Oh, of course.” Great job. Great fucking job. “It must be late….do you…do you need to….”
Luke fought against the tide of despair inexorably moving in. Just as he could feel Reid drawing steadily away.
“Should I leave?”
There. The chasm was now bottomless. Reid’s face had effectively shut down.
When he answered, his tone was deceptively calm. “You do what you have to do, Luke.”
Luke’s chest had just been ripped out. He was sure of it. If he looked down, he would see a void. A mini-black hole, slowly sucking the rest of his body into nothingness. What have I done? His vision started to cloud. His ears started to ring.
NO. You did this. You fix it. You and your stupid fear, stupid insecurity. He’s standing right in front of you. The man you - for years - have been fantasizing about in such exquisite detail that you’d started to wonder about the boundaries of insanity. He’s standing RIGHT THERE. The chasm is bottomless only in your mind. His shields are there because of you; you can take them down. Blast through them if you have to.
Man the fuck up.
Luke lifted his head. He met Reid’s cold gaze solidly. Resolutely. Throwing back the sheet, he kneeled on the bed. He reached for Reid’s waistband and tugged, bringing him closer. He didn’t care if Reid noticed the trembling; he wasn’t going to let anything stop him - certainly not his own fear. Not any more.
Suspecting that a kiss would be pushing his luck, Luke settled instead for finally satisfying his curiosity. Breaking Reid’s gaze, he set to work on his belt. After several fumbles - during which Reid continued to stand motionless - he released his prize. Luke was gratified to see that Reid’s frigid demeanor was, at least partly, a front. Luke had found hard evidence against Reid’s indifference. So fucking hard. Luke was transfixed. He wasn’t entirely sure it would fit, but he knew he had to have it inside of him.
First, though, he had to taste it.
With an almost embarrassing degree of reverence, Luke took Reid’s cock into his hands. He heard (felt) Reid inhale sharply, but he couldn’t look up. Couldn’t look away. He smoothed his thumb over the engorged tip, under and around the slit. Smelled the sweat and pre-cum. Leaned in. Licked it. Ignoring the tears (where had those come from?), he slowly took Reid into his mouth. Just the head, at first. He sucked slowly and tried to remember what Reid had done with his tongue. His entire being was focused on using this act to show Reid how he felt. How deeply he felt. How Reid would be his world if only he’d let him. Unfortunately, he hadn’t had much practice at this; he could barely recall his sex life with Noah involving anything more than the occasional hand job. But Luke had had plenty of time to craft detailed fantasies of what he would do should he ever get his hands on this. Too bad he hadn’t been more coherent during Reid’s master class. Didn’t matter - he was determined to make this count.
He belated remembered he should start off slow for greatest effect and withdrew his mouth. He began licking the sides with deliberate strokes, palming Reid’s balls as he worked. After the shaft had been thoroughly attended to, he trailed his mouth down to the balls and began to suck gently. Meanwhile, he had moved his hand further back, just behind. His other hand dug into Reid’s buttock. So firm. Perfect. He took brief detours to the inner thighs, at one point sucking hard enough to leave a mark. If this is all I get, then I’ll make sure you remember me, at least for a little while.
Eventually, Luke brought his mouth back to Reid’s straining penis. After a few more licks, Luke grasped it in his hands and looked up.
Reid’s face was utterly terrifying. His black eyes bored into Luke’s skull. Raised blood vessels throbbed. His gaping moth emitted short, ragged breaths. He looked like was at war with himself. With Luke.
Just as long as he doesn’t stop me.
Luke understood the stakes. Intimidating as it was, he maintained eye contact as he leaned back in. Just before his mouth touched the head, he blew lightly, teasingly. Reid jerked and briefly shut his eyes. Luke stiffened his lips and popped the head in his mouth. Down as far as he could, then up, twirling his tongue around the head. Moving his hands back to Reid’s ass, he began a rhythm. Reid gripped Luke’s head and moaned. Luke answered with an extended hum, causing Reid’s fingers to tighten painfully. Luke intensified the vibration, varied the rhythm. Sucked and blew. Relished every involuntary shudder and groan. He’d been planning to try to deep throat, but Reid’s movement had become too frantic, too fierce. Luke wanted to give everything.
He hoped it was enough.
Suddenly, with what could only be described as a roar, Reid pulled away. Dazed, gasping, Luke looked up. Reid pushed him back on the bed and spread his legs. With a ferocity that was frightening, Reid grabbed Luke’s buttocks and lowered his head. By the time Luke had figured out his intent, Reid’s tongue was in his ass. Luke saw stars. Honest to goodness stars. He blindly grasped his own penis and began to jerk himself off. But hurricane Reid was already moving on - with only a brief tearing sound as warning, Luke felt Reid’s searing, swollen cock start to press inside.
Uuunnnngh.
Reid was relentless. He insisted on filling Luke up. There was nowhere that Reid wasn’t. Nowhere to hide. But Luke didn’t want to - he wanted to be exactly where Reid was. In the same place, the same physical space. Part of him. Reid began to thrust like a man possessed. The sound of flesh slapping flesh filled the room. He grabbed Luke’s hair in one hand and stared into his eyes, gasping. Finally, Luke saw behind the veil, saw what Reid had been so carefully protecting, so fiercely hiding. Saw the agony. Saw what a scream looked like. Luke felt himself flayed open in response. Reached his arms around Reid, held on as tightly as he could.
Then, in Luke’s ear: “How many have there been? How many?” Reid’s words sounded ripped from his chest. The slaps echoed.
It took a moment for Luke to register the words. He could only guess what Reid meant.
“No one. No one else.”
Forcing himself out of Luke’s embrace, he roughly grabbed the side of his face. Locked eyes. Luke felt his soul being scoured.
Reid squeezed his eyes shut and, with a low, keening sound, abruptly withdrew and flipped Luke around. Luke had barely braced himself when Reid reentered. Almost impossibly, the tempo increased. Though he seemed on the verge of losing control. Reid managed to wrap one hand around Luke’s cock and stroke in time to the thrusts. Distantly, Luke heard his own shouts as he came. He was certain he’d entered a whole new realm of consciousness. He was sure he would never be the same.
Reid wasn’t far behind. He made the loudest sound yet - a ragged, prolonged cry that tore at Luke’s core.
“You’ve killed me.” Reid was heavy against Luke’s back, his voice a jagged rasp. “You’ve killed me.”
Luke shut his eyes against the tears.
Carefully, Luke shifted slightly so that they were on their sides, Reid still behind, still inside. Luke reached back for Reid’s hand. With what little strength he had left, he placed it over his heart.