#597: Butterflies
Prompt: #597
Title: Butterflies
Pairing: Chen/Kai
Rating: PG
Word count: 5900
Summary: Jongdae and Jongin aren’t brothers, they’re roommates. It just so happens that Jongin is extremely attractive and Jongdae likes him. Jongdae can’t tell if he has good or bad luck. The Lover AU.
Author's note: some but not all of the scenes from the drama, plus a few originals I loooooooved watching this couple in The Lover so I was so excited when I saw this prompt. Hope the readers enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it ;;
Jongdae’s glad he packed light. He’s all alone in a different country, but at least he can pull his suitcases without asking people for help. It’s strange, being back in Korea after so long. It seems like his first time here since he can’t remember those years of his childhood.
He checks the number on the front of the building, and yes, this is the right place. He doesn’t know what he expected of an apartment building, but this one is old and worn-down looking, as if it’s tired of existing. It’s okay. Jongdae’s used to living in places that aren’t fancy. So far, there’s nothing wrong with calling it home.
There’s no one in the little office in the lobby, even after Jongdae calls out “Hello?” a few times. After a few minutes of waiting around, a tall man wearing a plaid bathrobe over his T-shirt and sweats wanders into the lobby. He sees Jongdae and puts his hand on his chest, feigning shock.
“Oh! Are you the new guy moving in?”
“Yes?”
The guy walks closer and sticks out his hand for Jongdae to shake. “Hi. I’m Park Chanyeol, your new landlord! Let me get your key and let’s go on up.”
“Kim Jongdae. Nice to meet you.” Jongdae shakes his hand. Park Chanyeol is way too vigorous with his handshake and holds Jongdae’s hand for a little too long. His hands are also sweaty.
Jongdae waits for ten minutes while Chanyeol looks for the room key in his office (“I know it’s in here somewhere!”), and finally they can enter the elevator. Chanyeol presses the button for floor 7 and soon they’re in front of room 709. Chanyeol rings the doorbell three times and then proceeds to knock on the door very loudly.
“Your roommate sleeps a lot, so just in case he’s asleep, I’m waking him up,” Chanyeol explains with a wide grin. Jongdae smiles back hesitantly.
The door creaks open, and Jongdae blinks a few times to make sure he’s seeing what he’s seeing. The man who opened the door is almost as tall as Chanyeol and much more handsome; he’s probably the best-looking person Jongdae has ever seen. He runs a bronze hand through his pink hair and blinks sleepily, looking from Chanyeol and then to Jongdae.
Jongdae freezes up for a second, and then immediately bows. “Hello, I’m Kim Jongdae, and I’m your new roommate as of today! Please look after me!”
Handsome Man nods his head back. “Hello, I’m Kim Jongin, nice to meet you.”
“Hey!” Chanyeol laughs. “Your names are similar. You guys could be brothers! Maybe it’s destiny that you’re roommates.” He wiggles his hands to indicate something that Jongdae doesn’t understand. “You guys having a housewarming party?”
“Jongdae-ssi would have to actually enter the house first for us to have a party,” Jongin mumbles. “See you later, Chanyeol.”
“Oh yeah, uh, see you later,” Chanyeol says, looking disappointed that he’s being sent away. His flip flops make clacking noises all the way back to the elevator.
“Come in,” Jongin says, taking one of Jongdae’s suitcases before Jongdae can stop him. Jongdae’s still a little stunned that Jongin is so good-looking, and it takes him a few seconds to follow Jongin into the apartment.
The living room is bigger than Jongdae expected, especially because there’s not much in it. A sofa across from the TV, a coffee table, a rug under the table. Jongdae spies a few dust bunnies along the walls.
“Uh, sorry, I don’t have an extra mattress,” Jongin admits, running his hand through his hair again and Jongdae can’t help but stare a little. “But the couch is really comfy. I sleep there all the time.”
“Okay. I’ll probably get some stuff tomorrow,” Jongdae says. “Oh!” He rummages through his backpack and finds an envelope. He hands it to Jongin. “Here’s this month’s rent payment.”
“Oh, uh, thanks,” Jongin says. His voice is warm and a bit husky, and Jongdae only likes him more because of it. Jongdae knows he shouldn’t like someone based off of their appearance only, but Jongin seems quiet and nice so far and he’s just too handsome. Jongdae doesn’t know how he’s going to live with him without staring at him all the time.
“So, let’s get to know each other,” Jongdae says over their first dinner together. “You know my name already. I’m 23 years old and even though I’m Korean I’ve lived in Beijing for most of my life. I’ll be working from home as a freelance translator. I sing in the shower but I don’t think any of my living habits will be a problem. I can cook okay too, both Chinese and Korean food.”
Jongin, nods, swallowing his food before he replies. “I’m 21. I’ve lived in the Seoul area all my life. I’m a dancer, but I’m on leave for a few months because I’m recovering from an injury, so I guess we’ll both be at home a lot. I can’t cook very well, but I can eat.” Jongdae laughs. “Oh, and when I have some more money I want to adopt a dog.”
“So I’m your hyung!” Jongdae exclaims. “Call me hyung, not Jongdae-ssi.”
“Okay, Jongdae-hyung,” Jongin says.
Jongdae smiles and adds more food to Jongin’s plate.
It’s 3 AM and Jongdae still hasn’t fallen asleep. It shouldn’t be jet lag, and he didn’t wake up late -- if anything, he’s had a long day and he should be tired. His back hurts and he can’t lie comfortably on the couch. He doesn’t want to resort to this, but it’s been hours and now he’s desperate. He gets up and makes his way to Jongin’s room.
Surprisingly, there’s still a light on. Jongdae walks in slowly and finds Jongin lying down on his bed but awake, staring up at the ceiling.
“You’re still awake too?”
Jongin starts, apparently not having noticed Jongdae walk in the room, and then nods. “I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.”
“Is something keeping you up?” Jongdae sits down on the bed next to Jongin. Him, on a bed with Jongin. It’s weird if he keep standing while they talk, though.
“Just… just some stupid thoughts,” Jongin mumbles.
“You wanna talk about them?”
“Not really.” Jongin sighs. “Wait, why are you here? In my room, I mean.”
Jongdae smiles sheepishly. “Well, I can’t sleep because my back hurts. I think traveling today has made my body all funny. I was going to ask you if I could sleep on your bed tonight.”
Jongin doesn’t answer immediately. He looks like he’s struggling to decide.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything!” Jongdae says. “Just one night. I’m pretty sure I don’t snore. I’m not saying you should go sleep on the couch. You can stay here too if you want. I’ll try to stay on my side of the bed. Please?”
Jongin opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything. Finally, he says, “Okay, but only one night. Since you’re already on my bed anyways, you can sleep here.”
“Yay!” Jongdae cheers. He can’t believe his luck. “You’re the best, Jongin!”
As he crawls over to the other side of the bed and gets settled under the covers, he tries to ignore his racing heart. Just because he’s in a bed with the most attractive man he’s ever seen… but Jongdae can’t push away all thoughts of Jongin. He doesn’t know him too well yet, but already he’s fallen for him. Luckily, Jongdae falls asleep before he can think about how that could become a problem.
A few days later, Jongdae somehow persuades Jongin to wake up before noon and go out. Jongdae’s seen bits of Seoul from pictures and from dramas, but he wants to go to some of those places himself and really see them. They’ve already been to a few palaces like Kyeongbokgoong, and now it’s nearly dark.
“One last place, Jongin, I promise!” Jongdae insists.
“Okay, okay, but quickly, because I’m hungry. Or get me a snack on the way,” Jongin says.
“Namsan Tower! I want to see the city lights at night from above.”
Jongin frowns. “But… don’t you know that’s a place where normally couples go?”
“Of course I know,” Jongdae says. “But I just want to see the view from there. I’m not asking you to put a lock up. I’m sure there are people there who aren’t going as a couple. You won’t feel weird, right?”
“I’ll.. I’ll be okay,” Jongin says hastily. “That’s far away from here, though. I’m getting a snack first.”
Jongin buys some fish cakes on sticks from a vendor and seems satisfied while Jongdae drags him on a bus. He tries to eat his snacks too quickly and burns his mouth; Jongdae tries not to think about how his pained pout is very, very cute.
When they get to Namsan Tower and exit the bus, Jongdae is dismayed to see that the majority of people there are couples. He sneaks looks at Jongin, hoping he doesn’t feel uncomfortable, but Jongin makes no outward sign of feeling awkward. There are a few people looking at them, perhaps surprised at what they think is a gay couple. They’re half right, Jongdae thinks.
The view from the top of the tower is lovely, and Jongdae says this to Jongin happily.
“Good,” Jongin replies. “So we didn’t come here for nothing.”
Jongdae can’t tell if Jongin’s joking or not. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”
“No, I’m not,” Jongin says. He smiles as if to prove it, and Jongdae’s heart almost bursts because Jongin is so beautiful.
Jongdae’s already awake relatively early, but he doesn’t expect it when Jongin walks in the living room wearing a dress shirt and nice slacks.
“Wow, Jongin’s not wearing sweatpants! Why are you all dressed up?” Jongdae asks.
“I’m going to a friend’s wedding,” Jongin replies. He’s struggling with his tie, and after a few seconds Jongdae decides to put him out of his misery.
“How can you be over 20 years old and not know how to tie a tie,” Jongdae murmurs. He pushes Jongin up against the nearest wall and starts fixing the tie, choosing not to focus on Jongin’s confused stare and hoping his cheeks aren’t turning pink. They’re quite close, and without thinking Jongdae moves a bit closer until they are nearly close enough to kiss. Then, Jongdae slams his hand against the wall next to Jongin’s head.
He looks at Jongin and sees that he’s wearing an expression of confusion and surprise. Then, Jongin grabs Jongdae’s shoulders and pushes him against the wall, switching their positions.
“Are you kidding me?” Jongin breathes. “Are you playing with me right now?”
Jongdae finds it hard to swallow, hard to breathe. Jongin looks much closer than he did before.
“No,” Jongdae finally says. He moves Jongin’s hand and points to the wall. “There was a nail sticking out. I just pushed it in.”
Jongin looks at where Jongdae’s pointing and seems to calm down upon seeing the proof. He slams his hand on the wall on the other side of Jongdae’s head, and Jongdae gulps.
“There’s a nail here, too,” Jongin whispers, and Jongdae looks over to see that indeed there is.
Jongin walks away without a word and leaves the apartment. Jongdae sinks down to the floor against the wall, almost laughing at the situation except for the thoughts at what could have happened. They almost kissed. Almost.
Later, Jongin comes back from the wedding and acts like nothing had happened that morning. Jongdae’s mostly glad. Part of him wonders what Jongin really thought of the situation.
Jongdae stays up late one night working on a translation, but when he turns the lights out he notices that one in Jongin’s room is still on. He walks over to the doorway.
“Jongin? You awake?” he asks quietly.
A slight pause, and then a reply. “Yes.”
“Is something bothering you? Do you want to talk about anything?”
“Maybe.”
Jongdae enters the room and sits on the bed. “You can tell me anything you want. I’m your hyung.”
Jongin doesn’t respond for a minute or so. Jongdae waits.
“Sometimes…” Jongin starts. “I’ve been having these thoughts. Since I’ve had my injury, especially. I’m not doing anything useful sitting here at home. I want to dance, but I can’t. I can’t make much money doing this, and while I don’t mind too much having to live frugally, I feel bad that I can’t send money to my parents, who have worked so hard to support me. I feel lost sometimes, and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Sometimes I wonder if this was really my purpose in life, if I’m fulfilling the reason why I was born.” He sighs. “Sorry, that was a lot.”
“It’s okay, Jongin,” Jongdae says, and he pats Jongin on the shoulder. “I’m thankful you told me this. First, it’s not your fault you can’t dance right now, so don’t blame yourself. I think the best way you can be a good son to your parents is to show them that you’re happy. I think it’s better that you’re doing something you love rather than having a job you hate in order to make more money. They don’t want to see an unhappy son. If you want to dance but you can’t, don’t risk injuring yourself again by dancing. Find something else that keeps you busy for the time being. Honestly, I don’t know if there’s really a reason why anyone is born. I wouldn’t worry about it. Just know that you were born and now you’re living, so you should try to enjoy life as much as you can. Am I wrong?”
“I… I suppose you’re right,” Jongin says while he scratches his head. “Wow, hyung. I wouldn’t have guessed that you could give such good advice. Thanks.”
“Yeah, you better be thankful. You’re lucky to have me,” Jongdae teases, and Jongin laughs too.
Jongdae waits until Jongin’s breathing has become slow and deep. He ends up falling asleep at the end of the bed. Jongin doesn’t even kick him off.
Waking up from a nap and feeling hungry is a terrible feeling, Jongdae thinks as he rubs his eyes still half-asleep. It’s even worse when his stomach rumbles loudly at the very instant that Jongin walks into the room, also blinking sleepily.
“Hi Jongin,” Jongdae says through a yawn.
“Hungry?” Jongin grins sheepishly, obviously having heard Jongdae’s stomach.
“Yeah,” Jongdae says and then frowns. “I really want Chinese snacks, but none of the places around here have good ones, and takeout isn’t that great either. If only I weren’t so picky!”
“Well, if you don’t mind waiting, we could make tea eggs,” Jongin says.
“You know how to make tea eggs?” Jongdae asks in surprise.
“It’s not that hard,” Jongin says as he shrugs. “You will have to wait for a bit though, because the eggs won’t taste as good if they don’t soak up the tea for very long.”
“Let’s do it!” Jongdae cheers, getting up to go to the kitchen. Jongin leaves his phone on the counter before going to the fridge to take out the eggs, but it buzzes as soon as he turns his back. Jongdae can’t help himself and he grabs it before Jongin can, looking at the screen.
“‘My girl’? Jongin, you have a girlfriend?” Part of Jongdae’s heart sinks, but another feels like it should be happy for Jongin.
“Hey!” Jongin finally has noticed where his phone is and reaches out to take it back, but Jongdae stretches his arm out of reach.
“What’s her name? How old is she? Is she pretty?” Jongdae’s trying too hard to smile, and he hopes Jongin doesn’t notice the strange pitch of his voice.
“Soojung,” Jongin mumbles as he leans over Jongdae, far too close for comfort, and snatches his phone back. Jongdae’s too distracted by their brief moment of close proximity to fight back.
“Well, what are you doing here?” Jongdae asks. “Didn’t she say you have a date to go to? Get changed!”
“But… but I thought we were going to make tea eggs,” Jongin says slowly, sounding confused.
“You have a date!” Jongdae insists, knowing that he’ll feel guilty for keeping Jongin. “We can make tea eggs any time. Now go!”
Jongin shuffles slowly to his room. Jongdae wants to think that he seems reluctant, but he’s hoping for too much. Jongin’s probably just nervous about his date, and Jongdae tries not to think about how cute that is.
A few minutes later, Jongin comes out wearing a nice pink dress shirt and shorts, and Jongdae almost tells him out loud how good he looks. He still walks around slowly, as if he doesn’t want-- as if he’s nervous, Jongdae corrects himself.
“You’ll-- you’ll be okay?” Jongin asks.
Jongdae stares at him in puzzlement. “Of course I’ll be okay, I’m not a child! Now go before you’re late!”
It takes Jongin another minute or two to shuffle over to the door and put his shoes on, and then he’s out. It’s not like the apartment was noisy when Jongin was there, but now that he’s gone it feels a lot more silent and empty.
Jongdae’s still hungry and it’s harder to ignore when there’s no one to talk to. He opens the freezer in hope of some ice cream, but the one bar he’d been saving is gone.
“Jonginnie, do you know what happened to my ice cream~?” he sends as a text. He picks up a candy bar instead, thanking Jongin’s sweet tooth for the large amount of junk food they have in the pantry, and sits down to watch TV.
Jongdae nearly falls off the sofa when the front door bangs open and Jongin comes running in, kicking his shoes off wildly and almost tripping over himself as he stumbles into the living room.
“What?” is all Jongdae can think to say.
“You,” Jongin pants, one hand on his knees and the other outstretched, holding an ice cream bar. “You said you wanted ice cream. I ate yours yesterday, so I bought you a new one. Take it.”
Jongdae does, but he’s still confused. “Why aren’t you out on your date?”
“I-- something came up. So I’m back here. What, do you not want me here?”
“No.” Jongdae smiles. “Actually, without you here it was pretty boring. I like it when we’re together.” Jongdae hopes Jongin doesn’t read into that too much. Should he have said it?
Jongin seems to take no notice. He just sinks into the couch, next to Jongdae, and they sit without saying a word. Together.
Jongdae plops down on the floor in front of the sofa where Jongin sits watching TV. “Jongin! Let’s stay healthy and eat some fruit!” He raises the plate with two apples on it.
Jongin makes to grab one but Jongdae stops him with a firm hand. “Wait! I’m going to peel them. There are pesticides in the peel that you shouldn’t eat.”
“Okay.” Jongin goes back to watching TV.
Jongdae starts to cut one of the apples, but it’s harder to do than he thought. He feels kind of ashamed that he can’t easily do something so basic; the peel that he’s cut off so far has a lot of apple attached to it. It’s also taking him a long time.
“Hey.” Jongdae looks up to find Jongin looking at him with narrowed eyes. “If it’s that hard for you, I’ll just eat the peel. There are good nutrients in it.”
“No!” Jongdae says, tugging the plate out of Jongin’s hands. He loses his grip on the knife and it slips, making a small cut on his hand. “Ouch. Agh!”
Jongin seizes the knife and the plate of apples and begins peeling.
“Hey, if you were so much better at it than me then you should have offered to peel them in the first place,” Jongdae protests.
Jongin doesn’t say anything but continues until one apple is peeled. “There,” he says somewhat angrily, throwing the apple at Jongdae, who barely manages to catch it in his surprise. Jongin stalks off to the bathroom.
The next day, Jongdae notices a band-aid on Jongin’s hand and can’t remember when it got there.
Jongdae knew that Jongin was bored. The younger boy kept refreshing his SNS pages and scrolling down them without reading. Jongdae had pleaded to Jongin to watch a drama with him. Jongdae didn’t really like the drama, but he wanted to do something with Jongin, even if it was just sitting with him on the sofa watching TV.
“Oppa, what do you like about me?” the girl on screen says.
“Those kinds of questions are so silly. Why do girls say things like that?” Jongdae asks. Jongin shrugs in response.
Jongdae decides to scoot over on the couch until he’s leaning on Jongin and his elbow rests on Jongin’s shoulder. Jongdae knows that there’s plenty of room on the couch, but he wants to see Jongin’s reaction to their proximity. Jongin seems to gulp, so Jongdae presses on.
“Jongin-ah,” Jongdae says in a cheerful voice. “What do you like about me?”
Jongin glances at Jongdae and immediately turns away again, as if he’s embarrassed. Jongdae leans closer. So close that Jongin wouldn’t have to move very much to kiss him.
“W-what?” Jongin stammers.
“You know,” Jongdae says playfully. “Since we live together, what do you like about me?”
Jongin turns back to the TV to avoid the question. Jongdae glances at the screen and smiles; the guy onscreen is confessing to the girl.
“Jongin-ah,” Jongdae whines, now tugging at Jongin’s arm and pouting. “I’m the person you live with. Why do you like me?”
“Just-- just because,” Jongin mumbles.
“What do you mean just because? There must be a reason,” Jongdae protests, shaking Jongin again and getting impossibly close.
“You’re--” Jongin struggles. “You’re-- you know-- you’re pretty.”
They stare at each other for what seems like a long time but probably isn’t more than a second, and then Jongdae’s phone rings. He turns to pick it up and look at the screen, and Jongin bolts from the room.
Jongdae stares after Jongin, forgetting about his phone call. What had Jongin just said? Pretty? That… that wasn’t a word that most people used to describe boys. He definitely wouldn’t have expected that from another guy his age. And this is Jongin. He had just said that he thought of Jongdae as pretty. Guys didn’t just say that to their roommates, did they? Doesn’t this mean that Jongin doesn’t think of Jongdae as just his roommate and friend? Perhaps something more?
A muffled yelling noise comes from the bathroom and is followed by a clattering, probably from Jongin knocking some bottles over. Jongdae laughs despite his confused thoughts about Jongin. Only more Jongin could distract him from Jongin.
“Jongin, what are you doing?”
Jongin stares up at Jongdae, pausing the back-and-forth motion of the cloth in his hand. “I’m cleaning.”
“No, I mean you’ve been rubbing that spot for a few minutes. It’s totally clean.”
“Oh.” Jongin looks like he’s been caught. “I like cleaning. My hobby is cleaning.”
“Says the one who walks around with no socks or slippers? Liar,” Jongdae cackles. “The apartment was totally dirty when I first came here. And anyways, your real hobby is sleeping.”
“My affections started a while ago,” Jongin mumbles.
“Please,” Jongdae snorts, ignoring the ambiguity in Jongin’s statement as he turns back to his magazine. He’s not really reading, though. He’s watching Jongin out of the corner of his eye. The younger boy still isn’t really cleaning; his movements are slow and distracted. Jongdae turns his head all the way to look at Jongin, and Jongin’s already looking at him. Jongdae’s breath lurches a bit.
“Hey!” Jongdae smiles and points to another spot on the dresser conveniently closer to him. “Wipe over here. It’s tooooootally dusty.” Jongdae doesn’t miss the blush tinging Jongin’s cheeks. So Jongin had been staring at him.
Jongin nervously shuffles over until he’s only a foot away from Jongdae and begins to halfheartedly scrub at the dresser top. He stops when Jongdae opens his mouth again.
“Hey Jongin, you have really nice eyebrows!”
“W-what?” Jongin stammers.
“I never see them because your hair’s always down, but I can see them a little bit now!” Jongdae daringly reaches up until his hand brushes against Jongin’s forehead and hair and his fingers are tingling. He wonders how Jongin feels--
BAM. The bedroom door slams open. “What are you doing?” A girl yells, looking furious and upset.
What is it with people always barging into this apartment? Did Jongin not know how to lock doors?
“Soojung!” Jongin says, mortified.
“Who is this?” This Soojung must be Jongin’s girlfriend. She’s not getting any quieter.
Jongdae stands up and bows. “Hello, I’m Jongdae, and I live with Jongin--”
“You LIVE TOGETHER?” That was a mistake. Soojung seems to be turning as red as her hair.
“Soojung, let’s talk outside,” Jongin pleads, pulling on her arm. He has to tug for a good few seconds before he can move her to the living room, all the while enduring her screaming. Jongdae follows, too curious for his own good.
“Soojung, what’s wrong? Why did you come without calling me?” Jongin asks nervously.
Soojung scoffs. “That would require you to pick up your phone, which you haven’t been doing lately! You haven’t read any of my messages either. Is there someone else?”
“Look,” Jongin mumbles. “I’m sorry about that day. I had an emergency.”
“And you couldn’t bother to let me know? I was worried sick that you had collapsed somewhere,” Soojung says angrily, her voice rising.
“There really was an emergency,” Jongin says again. He sounds like he doesn’t believe himself.
Jongdae steps forward tentatively. Soojung turns to glare at him, and Jongdae almost winces.
“The atmosphere was nice earlier. Are you two dating?”
“No, I think there’s a misunderstanding,” Jongdae interjects, stepping closer. His heart sinks before he speaks. “We’re just friends. I’m just his roommate.”
That’s all they are, right? Just friends and roommates. Except Jongdae likes Jongin and it’s all fucked up because he’s leaving in a month. Why are all his loves unrequited?
Soojung sighs for him. “So you’ve found another girl then? There’s no other explanation. You’ve been weird for a whole month now, Jongin. Look, just tell me.”
Jongdae jumps in first. “He isn’t seeing anyone else! He’s with me every day, so I would know. There isn’t another girl. Don’t misunderstand. Right, Jongin?”
Jongdae looks over at Jongin to see the younger boy staring at the floor. He isn’t answering, and Jongdae’s heart beats faster as his mind jumps to unrealistic conclusions.
Soojung scoffs again (she should get a prize for that) and turns to Jongdae. “Oh really? Well if he’s only seeing you, then you two really are dating. This is the first time I’ve heard Jongin has a roommate. Jongin can actually live with someone?”
Jongdae’s confused. Jongin stares at Soojung, speechless, and after a few seconds grabs her wrist. “Let’s just talk about this somewhere else--”
Jongin grabs Jongin’s wrist to stop them. “I’m not staying here much longer,” he tells Soojung, struggling to say the words without sounding sad. “I’m leaving in a month. Right, Jongin?”
“One month?” Jongin asks, sounding surprised, while Soojung says in a nasty tone, “Look, poking your nose into other people’s business is really rude, especially here in Korea. Your name might be Korean, but it’s obvious you’re not really Korean.”
Jongdae feels like he’s been punched in the stomach. How could she guess his insecurity so quickly and use it to attack him?
“Hey,” Jongin says, gripping Soojung’s wrist harder than he means to. “How can you talk like that to him?”
Are those tears welling up in Soojung’s eyes?
“She’s right,” Jongdae says a little sadly. “I’ll go back to my room, and you guys just. Talk,” he finishes lamely, gesturing weirdly with his hands.
Jongin grabs one of them before Jongdae can leave. “Sorry.”
Jongdae stares at him, puzzled, and then he smiles like nothing’s happened, like his identity hasn’t been insulted. “I’m okay.”
“No, I’m really sorry,” Jongin blurts out, and are those tears in his eyes? Jongdae just smiles again and walks to his room. He leaves the door ajar so he can listen. He can’t help it. It’s Jongin talking to his girlfriend.
“You’re tearing up?” Soojung asks, sounding more shocked than angry.
“That’s not it,” Jongin says.
“Just tell me honestly,” Soojung says, now sounding teary herself. “You’ve found another girl. I’m right, aren’t I?”
Jongdae holds his breath. Why is he so nervous? Why does he like Jongin this much?
“There’s someone else I like.”
Jongdae breathes hard and unsteadily, his mind whirring. No way. His intuition can’t possibly be right.
“I knew it.” Soojung says. She sounds like she’s started crying. “Who is it? What kind of girl are you fancying now?” she yells.
“It’s-- it’s not,” Jongin stammers. “It’s not like I can actually date the person, all right? It’s just-- it’s just my feelings.” Jongdae didn’t even realize he’d stepped out of his room to listen. “So-- so let’s break up.”
Jongdae doesn’t feel anything when Jongin and Soojung look up and see that he’s there. He’s in shock. He had said it himself. Jongin didn’t spend time with anyone else apart from him, and he didn’t spend that much time on his phone, so he couldn’t have been talking to anyone else. The person Jongin liked was him, Jongdae. He hadn’t been overreacting when Jongin seemed to blushing or nervous around him.
He couldn’t believe it. Jongin liked him. If only he didn’t still feel like crying.
It doesn’t take that long for Jongdae to pack up. He doesn’t have that many things. It makes him feel sad that after all his things are gone, there won’t be any trace of him left. As if he never lived here.
Jongin’s still napping on the couch when he pulls his suitcase to the door as quietly as he can. It’ll be easier if he can leave without saying anything to Jongin. His heart won’t make him hesitate.
No such luck. Just before he finishes tying his shoes, he hears a thump as Jongin falls off the sofa and wakes up. He sees Jongdae and runs over, almost tripping over himself.
"What's all this?" Jongin says, gesturing wildly.
Jongdae looks at him blankly. "My stuff."
"Yeah, I can see," Jongin says. "But why is all your stuff here?" He probably already knows.
"I'm leaving." Jongdae tries to say as little as possible so he won’t give himself away. So he won’t accidentally tell Jongin he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to stay, but he can’t do this for another month.
"I know it's early," Jongdae says, smiling in an attempt to fool his brain that it’s okay. "But it's time for me. Thanks. For all the time I spent here." I’m sorry, Jongin.
He smiles again because it’s the only thing he can do. He waves goodbye, and Jongin just stares at him. He almost wants Jongin to run after him, but he goes down the elevator by himself. This is what he wanted, isn’t it? So why does it make him feel like this? Like he’s doing something he’ll regret.
Jongdae has sighed too much today. This time it’s because the bus is taking too long, not because of his love life. The world really has no pity for him. It’s even started to rain. At least this bus stop is covered so he’s not getting wet right now.
His phone rings. It’s his brother, so he picks up.
“Hey hyung. I’m waiting for the bus right now, so I can talk.”
“Oh good,” his brother says. “Where are you going?”
“I’m moving out.”
“What? Weren’t you supposed to be there for a while still?”
“Only a month was left, but something came up.”
“Can I ask what?”
Jongdae hesitates. “It has to do with my roommate.”
“What, did he kick you out? Did you not get along?”
“No, that’s not it.” Jongdae sighs before he can stop himself. “I liked him from the first moment we met, but I only just recently found out he felt the same way. That’s why I couldn’t stay.”
“What?” his brother replies. “Why didn’t you stay and try to work something out with him? You’re just running away? That doesn’t solve anything you know.”
But Jongdae isn’t listening. He’s just caught sight of someone standing a few feet away from the bus stop.
“Hyung, I’ll call you back,” he says and hangs up.
He and Jongin don’t do anything but stare at each other. They had both heard what Jongdae had just said. Jongdae’s heartbeat thuds in his ears. Jongin knew now, and he doesn’t say anything. Jongdae can’t think of anything to say either. The rain continues to pour while Jongdae’s thoughts race. Had Jongin known beforehand? What did Jongin think of him leaving now? Would he try to make Jongdae stay? What would Jongdae do if he did?
Without a word, Jongin walks forward and gives his umbrella to Jongdae. Jongdae tries to refuse it, but Jongin leaves it on the ground next to him. After a pause, he takes off his jacket and puts it around Jongdae’s shoulders. Jongdae is too shocked to refuse. He wants to say something to Jongin, to grab onto Jongin and refuse to let him go, but he can’t move. Before he can make himself respond, Jongin runs off towards the apartment building while trying to shield himself from the rain with his arms.
Goodbye, Jongdae thinks as he wraps Jongin’s jacket around him.
Months later, Jongdae has settled back in Beijing. He feels a bit bad for thinking so, but he really prefers Beijing to his home country, or at least Seoul. He doesn’t perfectly fit in in either city, but Beijing is more familiar and there’s a bigger community for the “foreigners.” The people in Beijing are better to him than the people in Seoul were. Apart from one person, that is. But Jongdae tries not to think about him. Jongin makes him waver; when he first moved back to Beijing and missed Jongin so much he dreamed about him, he almost bought plane tickets back to Korea in the middle of the night. He doesn’t think he’ll do that again, but not thinking about Jongin is the best path to take, even if it’s not the easiest to follow.
There’s a knock on the door. Strange; no one told him they were coming. Even if it’s just a salesman trying to sell something, he should answer the door.
“我来了!” (I’m coming!) Jongdae calls out as he shuffles to the door. He opens it without looking through the peephole, and his mouth falls open when he sees who’s standing on the other side.
“你好，我叫鍾仁，” (Hello, my name is Jongin) Jongin says with a slight bow, unable to keep a smile off his face.
Jongdae smiles back.
Title: Butterflies
Pairing: Chen/Kai
Rating: PG
Word count: 5900
Summary: Jongdae and Jongin aren’t brothers, they’re roommates. It just so happens that Jongin is extremely attractive and Jongdae likes him. Jongdae can’t tell if he has good or bad luck. The Lover AU.
Author's note: some but not all of the scenes from the drama, plus a few originals I loooooooved watching this couple in The Lover so I was so excited when I saw this prompt. Hope the readers enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it ;;
Jongdae’s glad he packed light. He’s all alone in a different country, but at least he can pull his suitcases without asking people for help. It’s strange, being back in Korea after so long. It seems like his first time here since he can’t remember those years of his childhood.
He checks the number on the front of the building, and yes, this is the right place. He doesn’t know what he expected of an apartment building, but this one is old and worn-down looking, as if it’s tired of existing. It’s okay. Jongdae’s used to living in places that aren’t fancy. So far, there’s nothing wrong with calling it home.
There’s no one in the little office in the lobby, even after Jongdae calls out “Hello?” a few times. After a few minutes of waiting around, a tall man wearing a plaid bathrobe over his T-shirt and sweats wanders into the lobby. He sees Jongdae and puts his hand on his chest, feigning shock.
“Oh! Are you the new guy moving in?”
“Yes?”
The guy walks closer and sticks out his hand for Jongdae to shake. “Hi. I’m Park Chanyeol, your new landlord! Let me get your key and let’s go on up.”
“Kim Jongdae. Nice to meet you.” Jongdae shakes his hand. Park Chanyeol is way too vigorous with his handshake and holds Jongdae’s hand for a little too long. His hands are also sweaty.
Jongdae waits for ten minutes while Chanyeol looks for the room key in his office (“I know it’s in here somewhere!”), and finally they can enter the elevator. Chanyeol presses the button for floor 7 and soon they’re in front of room 709. Chanyeol rings the doorbell three times and then proceeds to knock on the door very loudly.
“Your roommate sleeps a lot, so just in case he’s asleep, I’m waking him up,” Chanyeol explains with a wide grin. Jongdae smiles back hesitantly.
The door creaks open, and Jongdae blinks a few times to make sure he’s seeing what he’s seeing. The man who opened the door is almost as tall as Chanyeol and much more handsome; he’s probably the best-looking person Jongdae has ever seen. He runs a bronze hand through his pink hair and blinks sleepily, looking from Chanyeol and then to Jongdae.
Jongdae freezes up for a second, and then immediately bows. “Hello, I’m Kim Jongdae, and I’m your new roommate as of today! Please look after me!”
Handsome Man nods his head back. “Hello, I’m Kim Jongin, nice to meet you.”
“Hey!” Chanyeol laughs. “Your names are similar. You guys could be brothers! Maybe it’s destiny that you’re roommates.” He wiggles his hands to indicate something that Jongdae doesn’t understand. “You guys having a housewarming party?”
“Jongdae-ssi would have to actually enter the house first for us to have a party,” Jongin mumbles. “See you later, Chanyeol.”
“Oh yeah, uh, see you later,” Chanyeol says, looking disappointed that he’s being sent away. His flip flops make clacking noises all the way back to the elevator.
“Come in,” Jongin says, taking one of Jongdae’s suitcases before Jongdae can stop him. Jongdae’s still a little stunned that Jongin is so good-looking, and it takes him a few seconds to follow Jongin into the apartment.
The living room is bigger than Jongdae expected, especially because there’s not much in it. A sofa across from the TV, a coffee table, a rug under the table. Jongdae spies a few dust bunnies along the walls.
“Uh, sorry, I don’t have an extra mattress,” Jongin admits, running his hand through his hair again and Jongdae can’t help but stare a little. “But the couch is really comfy. I sleep there all the time.”
“Okay. I’ll probably get some stuff tomorrow,” Jongdae says. “Oh!” He rummages through his backpack and finds an envelope. He hands it to Jongin. “Here’s this month’s rent payment.”
“Oh, uh, thanks,” Jongin says. His voice is warm and a bit husky, and Jongdae only likes him more because of it. Jongdae knows he shouldn’t like someone based off of their appearance only, but Jongin seems quiet and nice so far and he’s just too handsome. Jongdae doesn’t know how he’s going to live with him without staring at him all the time.
“So, let’s get to know each other,” Jongdae says over their first dinner together. “You know my name already. I’m 23 years old and even though I’m Korean I’ve lived in Beijing for most of my life. I’ll be working from home as a freelance translator. I sing in the shower but I don’t think any of my living habits will be a problem. I can cook okay too, both Chinese and Korean food.”
Jongin, nods, swallowing his food before he replies. “I’m 21. I’ve lived in the Seoul area all my life. I’m a dancer, but I’m on leave for a few months because I’m recovering from an injury, so I guess we’ll both be at home a lot. I can’t cook very well, but I can eat.” Jongdae laughs. “Oh, and when I have some more money I want to adopt a dog.”
“So I’m your hyung!” Jongdae exclaims. “Call me hyung, not Jongdae-ssi.”
“Okay, Jongdae-hyung,” Jongin says.
Jongdae smiles and adds more food to Jongin’s plate.
It’s 3 AM and Jongdae still hasn’t fallen asleep. It shouldn’t be jet lag, and he didn’t wake up late -- if anything, he’s had a long day and he should be tired. His back hurts and he can’t lie comfortably on the couch. He doesn’t want to resort to this, but it’s been hours and now he’s desperate. He gets up and makes his way to Jongin’s room.
Surprisingly, there’s still a light on. Jongdae walks in slowly and finds Jongin lying down on his bed but awake, staring up at the ceiling.
“You’re still awake too?”
Jongin starts, apparently not having noticed Jongdae walk in the room, and then nods. “I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.”
“Is something keeping you up?” Jongdae sits down on the bed next to Jongin. Him, on a bed with Jongin. It’s weird if he keep standing while they talk, though.
“Just… just some stupid thoughts,” Jongin mumbles.
“You wanna talk about them?”
“Not really.” Jongin sighs. “Wait, why are you here? In my room, I mean.”
Jongdae smiles sheepishly. “Well, I can’t sleep because my back hurts. I think traveling today has made my body all funny. I was going to ask you if I could sleep on your bed tonight.”
Jongin doesn’t answer immediately. He looks like he’s struggling to decide.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything!” Jongdae says. “Just one night. I’m pretty sure I don’t snore. I’m not saying you should go sleep on the couch. You can stay here too if you want. I’ll try to stay on my side of the bed. Please?”
Jongin opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything. Finally, he says, “Okay, but only one night. Since you’re already on my bed anyways, you can sleep here.”
“Yay!” Jongdae cheers. He can’t believe his luck. “You’re the best, Jongin!”
As he crawls over to the other side of the bed and gets settled under the covers, he tries to ignore his racing heart. Just because he’s in a bed with the most attractive man he’s ever seen… but Jongdae can’t push away all thoughts of Jongin. He doesn’t know him too well yet, but already he’s fallen for him. Luckily, Jongdae falls asleep before he can think about how that could become a problem.
A few days later, Jongdae somehow persuades Jongin to wake up before noon and go out. Jongdae’s seen bits of Seoul from pictures and from dramas, but he wants to go to some of those places himself and really see them. They’ve already been to a few palaces like Kyeongbokgoong, and now it’s nearly dark.
“One last place, Jongin, I promise!” Jongdae insists.
“Okay, okay, but quickly, because I’m hungry. Or get me a snack on the way,” Jongin says.
“Namsan Tower! I want to see the city lights at night from above.”
Jongin frowns. “But… don’t you know that’s a place where normally couples go?”
“Of course I know,” Jongdae says. “But I just want to see the view from there. I’m not asking you to put a lock up. I’m sure there are people there who aren’t going as a couple. You won’t feel weird, right?”
“I’ll.. I’ll be okay,” Jongin says hastily. “That’s far away from here, though. I’m getting a snack first.”
Jongin buys some fish cakes on sticks from a vendor and seems satisfied while Jongdae drags him on a bus. He tries to eat his snacks too quickly and burns his mouth; Jongdae tries not to think about how his pained pout is very, very cute.
When they get to Namsan Tower and exit the bus, Jongdae is dismayed to see that the majority of people there are couples. He sneaks looks at Jongin, hoping he doesn’t feel uncomfortable, but Jongin makes no outward sign of feeling awkward. There are a few people looking at them, perhaps surprised at what they think is a gay couple. They’re half right, Jongdae thinks.
The view from the top of the tower is lovely, and Jongdae says this to Jongin happily.
“Good,” Jongin replies. “So we didn’t come here for nothing.”
Jongdae can’t tell if Jongin’s joking or not. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”
“No, I’m not,” Jongin says. He smiles as if to prove it, and Jongdae’s heart almost bursts because Jongin is so beautiful.
Jongdae’s already awake relatively early, but he doesn’t expect it when Jongin walks in the living room wearing a dress shirt and nice slacks.
“Wow, Jongin’s not wearing sweatpants! Why are you all dressed up?” Jongdae asks.
“I’m going to a friend’s wedding,” Jongin replies. He’s struggling with his tie, and after a few seconds Jongdae decides to put him out of his misery.
“How can you be over 20 years old and not know how to tie a tie,” Jongdae murmurs. He pushes Jongin up against the nearest wall and starts fixing the tie, choosing not to focus on Jongin’s confused stare and hoping his cheeks aren’t turning pink. They’re quite close, and without thinking Jongdae moves a bit closer until they are nearly close enough to kiss. Then, Jongdae slams his hand against the wall next to Jongin’s head.
He looks at Jongin and sees that he’s wearing an expression of confusion and surprise. Then, Jongin grabs Jongdae’s shoulders and pushes him against the wall, switching their positions.
“Are you kidding me?” Jongin breathes. “Are you playing with me right now?”
Jongdae finds it hard to swallow, hard to breathe. Jongin looks much closer than he did before.
“No,” Jongdae finally says. He moves Jongin’s hand and points to the wall. “There was a nail sticking out. I just pushed it in.”
Jongin looks at where Jongdae’s pointing and seems to calm down upon seeing the proof. He slams his hand on the wall on the other side of Jongdae’s head, and Jongdae gulps.
“There’s a nail here, too,” Jongin whispers, and Jongdae looks over to see that indeed there is.
Jongin walks away without a word and leaves the apartment. Jongdae sinks down to the floor against the wall, almost laughing at the situation except for the thoughts at what could have happened. They almost kissed. Almost.
Later, Jongin comes back from the wedding and acts like nothing had happened that morning. Jongdae’s mostly glad. Part of him wonders what Jongin really thought of the situation.
Jongdae stays up late one night working on a translation, but when he turns the lights out he notices that one in Jongin’s room is still on. He walks over to the doorway.
“Jongin? You awake?” he asks quietly.
A slight pause, and then a reply. “Yes.”
“Is something bothering you? Do you want to talk about anything?”
“Maybe.”
Jongdae enters the room and sits on the bed. “You can tell me anything you want. I’m your hyung.”
Jongin doesn’t respond for a minute or so. Jongdae waits.
“Sometimes…” Jongin starts. “I’ve been having these thoughts. Since I’ve had my injury, especially. I’m not doing anything useful sitting here at home. I want to dance, but I can’t. I can’t make much money doing this, and while I don’t mind too much having to live frugally, I feel bad that I can’t send money to my parents, who have worked so hard to support me. I feel lost sometimes, and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Sometimes I wonder if this was really my purpose in life, if I’m fulfilling the reason why I was born.” He sighs. “Sorry, that was a lot.”
“It’s okay, Jongin,” Jongdae says, and he pats Jongin on the shoulder. “I’m thankful you told me this. First, it’s not your fault you can’t dance right now, so don’t blame yourself. I think the best way you can be a good son to your parents is to show them that you’re happy. I think it’s better that you’re doing something you love rather than having a job you hate in order to make more money. They don’t want to see an unhappy son. If you want to dance but you can’t, don’t risk injuring yourself again by dancing. Find something else that keeps you busy for the time being. Honestly, I don’t know if there’s really a reason why anyone is born. I wouldn’t worry about it. Just know that you were born and now you’re living, so you should try to enjoy life as much as you can. Am I wrong?”
“I… I suppose you’re right,” Jongin says while he scratches his head. “Wow, hyung. I wouldn’t have guessed that you could give such good advice. Thanks.”
“Yeah, you better be thankful. You’re lucky to have me,” Jongdae teases, and Jongin laughs too.
Jongdae waits until Jongin’s breathing has become slow and deep. He ends up falling asleep at the end of the bed. Jongin doesn’t even kick him off.
Waking up from a nap and feeling hungry is a terrible feeling, Jongdae thinks as he rubs his eyes still half-asleep. It’s even worse when his stomach rumbles loudly at the very instant that Jongin walks into the room, also blinking sleepily.
“Hi Jongin,” Jongdae says through a yawn.
“Hungry?” Jongin grins sheepishly, obviously having heard Jongdae’s stomach.
“Yeah,” Jongdae says and then frowns. “I really want Chinese snacks, but none of the places around here have good ones, and takeout isn’t that great either. If only I weren’t so picky!”
“Well, if you don’t mind waiting, we could make tea eggs,” Jongin says.
“You know how to make tea eggs?” Jongdae asks in surprise.
“It’s not that hard,” Jongin says as he shrugs. “You will have to wait for a bit though, because the eggs won’t taste as good if they don’t soak up the tea for very long.”
“Let’s do it!” Jongdae cheers, getting up to go to the kitchen. Jongin leaves his phone on the counter before going to the fridge to take out the eggs, but it buzzes as soon as he turns his back. Jongdae can’t help himself and he grabs it before Jongin can, looking at the screen.
“‘My girl’? Jongin, you have a girlfriend?” Part of Jongdae’s heart sinks, but another feels like it should be happy for Jongin.
“Hey!” Jongin finally has noticed where his phone is and reaches out to take it back, but Jongdae stretches his arm out of reach.
“What’s her name? How old is she? Is she pretty?” Jongdae’s trying too hard to smile, and he hopes Jongin doesn’t notice the strange pitch of his voice.
“Soojung,” Jongin mumbles as he leans over Jongdae, far too close for comfort, and snatches his phone back. Jongdae’s too distracted by their brief moment of close proximity to fight back.
“Well, what are you doing here?” Jongdae asks. “Didn’t she say you have a date to go to? Get changed!”
“But… but I thought we were going to make tea eggs,” Jongin says slowly, sounding confused.
“You have a date!” Jongdae insists, knowing that he’ll feel guilty for keeping Jongin. “We can make tea eggs any time. Now go!”
Jongin shuffles slowly to his room. Jongdae wants to think that he seems reluctant, but he’s hoping for too much. Jongin’s probably just nervous about his date, and Jongdae tries not to think about how cute that is.
A few minutes later, Jongin comes out wearing a nice pink dress shirt and shorts, and Jongdae almost tells him out loud how good he looks. He still walks around slowly, as if he doesn’t want-- as if he’s nervous, Jongdae corrects himself.
“You’ll-- you’ll be okay?” Jongin asks.
Jongdae stares at him in puzzlement. “Of course I’ll be okay, I’m not a child! Now go before you’re late!”
It takes Jongin another minute or two to shuffle over to the door and put his shoes on, and then he’s out. It’s not like the apartment was noisy when Jongin was there, but now that he’s gone it feels a lot more silent and empty.
Jongdae’s still hungry and it’s harder to ignore when there’s no one to talk to. He opens the freezer in hope of some ice cream, but the one bar he’d been saving is gone.
“Jonginnie, do you know what happened to my ice cream~?” he sends as a text. He picks up a candy bar instead, thanking Jongin’s sweet tooth for the large amount of junk food they have in the pantry, and sits down to watch TV.
Jongdae nearly falls off the sofa when the front door bangs open and Jongin comes running in, kicking his shoes off wildly and almost tripping over himself as he stumbles into the living room.
“What?” is all Jongdae can think to say.
“You,” Jongin pants, one hand on his knees and the other outstretched, holding an ice cream bar. “You said you wanted ice cream. I ate yours yesterday, so I bought you a new one. Take it.”
Jongdae does, but he’s still confused. “Why aren’t you out on your date?”
“I-- something came up. So I’m back here. What, do you not want me here?”
“No.” Jongdae smiles. “Actually, without you here it was pretty boring. I like it when we’re together.” Jongdae hopes Jongin doesn’t read into that too much. Should he have said it?
Jongin seems to take no notice. He just sinks into the couch, next to Jongdae, and they sit without saying a word. Together.
Jongdae plops down on the floor in front of the sofa where Jongin sits watching TV. “Jongin! Let’s stay healthy and eat some fruit!” He raises the plate with two apples on it.
Jongin makes to grab one but Jongdae stops him with a firm hand. “Wait! I’m going to peel them. There are pesticides in the peel that you shouldn’t eat.”
“Okay.” Jongin goes back to watching TV.
Jongdae starts to cut one of the apples, but it’s harder to do than he thought. He feels kind of ashamed that he can’t easily do something so basic; the peel that he’s cut off so far has a lot of apple attached to it. It’s also taking him a long time.
“Hey.” Jongdae looks up to find Jongin looking at him with narrowed eyes. “If it’s that hard for you, I’ll just eat the peel. There are good nutrients in it.”
“No!” Jongdae says, tugging the plate out of Jongin’s hands. He loses his grip on the knife and it slips, making a small cut on his hand. “Ouch. Agh!”
Jongin seizes the knife and the plate of apples and begins peeling.
“Hey, if you were so much better at it than me then you should have offered to peel them in the first place,” Jongdae protests.
Jongin doesn’t say anything but continues until one apple is peeled. “There,” he says somewhat angrily, throwing the apple at Jongdae, who barely manages to catch it in his surprise. Jongin stalks off to the bathroom.
The next day, Jongdae notices a band-aid on Jongin’s hand and can’t remember when it got there.
Jongdae knew that Jongin was bored. The younger boy kept refreshing his SNS pages and scrolling down them without reading. Jongdae had pleaded to Jongin to watch a drama with him. Jongdae didn’t really like the drama, but he wanted to do something with Jongin, even if it was just sitting with him on the sofa watching TV.
“Oppa, what do you like about me?” the girl on screen says.
“Those kinds of questions are so silly. Why do girls say things like that?” Jongdae asks. Jongin shrugs in response.
Jongdae decides to scoot over on the couch until he’s leaning on Jongin and his elbow rests on Jongin’s shoulder. Jongdae knows that there’s plenty of room on the couch, but he wants to see Jongin’s reaction to their proximity. Jongin seems to gulp, so Jongdae presses on.
“Jongin-ah,” Jongdae says in a cheerful voice. “What do you like about me?”
Jongin glances at Jongdae and immediately turns away again, as if he’s embarrassed. Jongdae leans closer. So close that Jongin wouldn’t have to move very much to kiss him.
“W-what?” Jongin stammers.
“You know,” Jongdae says playfully. “Since we live together, what do you like about me?”
Jongin turns back to the TV to avoid the question. Jongdae glances at the screen and smiles; the guy onscreen is confessing to the girl.
“Jongin-ah,” Jongdae whines, now tugging at Jongin’s arm and pouting. “I’m the person you live with. Why do you like me?”
“Just-- just because,” Jongin mumbles.
“What do you mean just because? There must be a reason,” Jongdae protests, shaking Jongin again and getting impossibly close.
“You’re--” Jongin struggles. “You’re-- you know-- you’re pretty.”
They stare at each other for what seems like a long time but probably isn’t more than a second, and then Jongdae’s phone rings. He turns to pick it up and look at the screen, and Jongin bolts from the room.
Jongdae stares after Jongin, forgetting about his phone call. What had Jongin just said? Pretty? That… that wasn’t a word that most people used to describe boys. He definitely wouldn’t have expected that from another guy his age. And this is Jongin. He had just said that he thought of Jongdae as pretty. Guys didn’t just say that to their roommates, did they? Doesn’t this mean that Jongin doesn’t think of Jongdae as just his roommate and friend? Perhaps something more?
A muffled yelling noise comes from the bathroom and is followed by a clattering, probably from Jongin knocking some bottles over. Jongdae laughs despite his confused thoughts about Jongin. Only more Jongin could distract him from Jongin.
“Jongin, what are you doing?”
Jongin stares up at Jongdae, pausing the back-and-forth motion of the cloth in his hand. “I’m cleaning.”
“No, I mean you’ve been rubbing that spot for a few minutes. It’s totally clean.”
“Oh.” Jongin looks like he’s been caught. “I like cleaning. My hobby is cleaning.”
“Says the one who walks around with no socks or slippers? Liar,” Jongdae cackles. “The apartment was totally dirty when I first came here. And anyways, your real hobby is sleeping.”
“My affections started a while ago,” Jongin mumbles.
“Please,” Jongdae snorts, ignoring the ambiguity in Jongin’s statement as he turns back to his magazine. He’s not really reading, though. He’s watching Jongin out of the corner of his eye. The younger boy still isn’t really cleaning; his movements are slow and distracted. Jongdae turns his head all the way to look at Jongin, and Jongin’s already looking at him. Jongdae’s breath lurches a bit.
“Hey!” Jongdae smiles and points to another spot on the dresser conveniently closer to him. “Wipe over here. It’s tooooootally dusty.” Jongdae doesn’t miss the blush tinging Jongin’s cheeks. So Jongin had been staring at him.
Jongin nervously shuffles over until he’s only a foot away from Jongdae and begins to halfheartedly scrub at the dresser top. He stops when Jongdae opens his mouth again.
“Hey Jongin, you have really nice eyebrows!”
“W-what?” Jongin stammers.
“I never see them because your hair’s always down, but I can see them a little bit now!” Jongdae daringly reaches up until his hand brushes against Jongin’s forehead and hair and his fingers are tingling. He wonders how Jongin feels--
BAM. The bedroom door slams open. “What are you doing?” A girl yells, looking furious and upset.
What is it with people always barging into this apartment? Did Jongin not know how to lock doors?
“Soojung!” Jongin says, mortified.
“Who is this?” This Soojung must be Jongin’s girlfriend. She’s not getting any quieter.
Jongdae stands up and bows. “Hello, I’m Jongdae, and I live with Jongin--”
“You LIVE TOGETHER?” That was a mistake. Soojung seems to be turning as red as her hair.
“Soojung, let’s talk outside,” Jongin pleads, pulling on her arm. He has to tug for a good few seconds before he can move her to the living room, all the while enduring her screaming. Jongdae follows, too curious for his own good.
“Soojung, what’s wrong? Why did you come without calling me?” Jongin asks nervously.
Soojung scoffs. “That would require you to pick up your phone, which you haven’t been doing lately! You haven’t read any of my messages either. Is there someone else?”
“Look,” Jongin mumbles. “I’m sorry about that day. I had an emergency.”
“And you couldn’t bother to let me know? I was worried sick that you had collapsed somewhere,” Soojung says angrily, her voice rising.
“There really was an emergency,” Jongin says again. He sounds like he doesn’t believe himself.
Jongdae steps forward tentatively. Soojung turns to glare at him, and Jongdae almost winces.
“The atmosphere was nice earlier. Are you two dating?”
“No, I think there’s a misunderstanding,” Jongdae interjects, stepping closer. His heart sinks before he speaks. “We’re just friends. I’m just his roommate.”
That’s all they are, right? Just friends and roommates. Except Jongdae likes Jongin and it’s all fucked up because he’s leaving in a month. Why are all his loves unrequited?
Soojung sighs for him. “So you’ve found another girl then? There’s no other explanation. You’ve been weird for a whole month now, Jongin. Look, just tell me.”
Jongdae jumps in first. “He isn’t seeing anyone else! He’s with me every day, so I would know. There isn’t another girl. Don’t misunderstand. Right, Jongin?”
Jongdae looks over at Jongin to see the younger boy staring at the floor. He isn’t answering, and Jongdae’s heart beats faster as his mind jumps to unrealistic conclusions.
Soojung scoffs again (she should get a prize for that) and turns to Jongdae. “Oh really? Well if he’s only seeing you, then you two really are dating. This is the first time I’ve heard Jongin has a roommate. Jongin can actually live with someone?”
Jongdae’s confused. Jongin stares at Soojung, speechless, and after a few seconds grabs her wrist. “Let’s just talk about this somewhere else--”
Jongin grabs Jongin’s wrist to stop them. “I’m not staying here much longer,” he tells Soojung, struggling to say the words without sounding sad. “I’m leaving in a month. Right, Jongin?”
“One month?” Jongin asks, sounding surprised, while Soojung says in a nasty tone, “Look, poking your nose into other people’s business is really rude, especially here in Korea. Your name might be Korean, but it’s obvious you’re not really Korean.”
Jongdae feels like he’s been punched in the stomach. How could she guess his insecurity so quickly and use it to attack him?
“Hey,” Jongin says, gripping Soojung’s wrist harder than he means to. “How can you talk like that to him?”
Are those tears welling up in Soojung’s eyes?
“She’s right,” Jongdae says a little sadly. “I’ll go back to my room, and you guys just. Talk,” he finishes lamely, gesturing weirdly with his hands.
Jongin grabs one of them before Jongdae can leave. “Sorry.”
Jongdae stares at him, puzzled, and then he smiles like nothing’s happened, like his identity hasn’t been insulted. “I’m okay.”
“No, I’m really sorry,” Jongin blurts out, and are those tears in his eyes? Jongdae just smiles again and walks to his room. He leaves the door ajar so he can listen. He can’t help it. It’s Jongin talking to his girlfriend.
“You’re tearing up?” Soojung asks, sounding more shocked than angry.
“That’s not it,” Jongin says.
“Just tell me honestly,” Soojung says, now sounding teary herself. “You’ve found another girl. I’m right, aren’t I?”
Jongdae holds his breath. Why is he so nervous? Why does he like Jongin this much?
“There’s someone else I like.”
Jongdae breathes hard and unsteadily, his mind whirring. No way. His intuition can’t possibly be right.
“I knew it.” Soojung says. She sounds like she’s started crying. “Who is it? What kind of girl are you fancying now?” she yells.
“It’s-- it’s not,” Jongin stammers. “It’s not like I can actually date the person, all right? It’s just-- it’s just my feelings.” Jongdae didn’t even realize he’d stepped out of his room to listen. “So-- so let’s break up.”
Jongdae doesn’t feel anything when Jongin and Soojung look up and see that he’s there. He’s in shock. He had said it himself. Jongin didn’t spend time with anyone else apart from him, and he didn’t spend that much time on his phone, so he couldn’t have been talking to anyone else. The person Jongin liked was him, Jongdae. He hadn’t been overreacting when Jongin seemed to blushing or nervous around him.
He couldn’t believe it. Jongin liked him. If only he didn’t still feel like crying.
It doesn’t take that long for Jongdae to pack up. He doesn’t have that many things. It makes him feel sad that after all his things are gone, there won’t be any trace of him left. As if he never lived here.
Jongin’s still napping on the couch when he pulls his suitcase to the door as quietly as he can. It’ll be easier if he can leave without saying anything to Jongin. His heart won’t make him hesitate.
No such luck. Just before he finishes tying his shoes, he hears a thump as Jongin falls off the sofa and wakes up. He sees Jongdae and runs over, almost tripping over himself.
"What's all this?" Jongin says, gesturing wildly.
Jongdae looks at him blankly. "My stuff."
"Yeah, I can see," Jongin says. "But why is all your stuff here?" He probably already knows.
"I'm leaving." Jongdae tries to say as little as possible so he won’t give himself away. So he won’t accidentally tell Jongin he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to stay, but he can’t do this for another month.
"I know it's early," Jongdae says, smiling in an attempt to fool his brain that it’s okay. "But it's time for me. Thanks. For all the time I spent here." I’m sorry, Jongin.
He smiles again because it’s the only thing he can do. He waves goodbye, and Jongin just stares at him. He almost wants Jongin to run after him, but he goes down the elevator by himself. This is what he wanted, isn’t it? So why does it make him feel like this? Like he’s doing something he’ll regret.
Jongdae has sighed too much today. This time it’s because the bus is taking too long, not because of his love life. The world really has no pity for him. It’s even started to rain. At least this bus stop is covered so he’s not getting wet right now.
His phone rings. It’s his brother, so he picks up.
“Hey hyung. I’m waiting for the bus right now, so I can talk.”
“Oh good,” his brother says. “Where are you going?”
“I’m moving out.”
“What? Weren’t you supposed to be there for a while still?”
“Only a month was left, but something came up.”
“Can I ask what?”
Jongdae hesitates. “It has to do with my roommate.”
“What, did he kick you out? Did you not get along?”
“No, that’s not it.” Jongdae sighs before he can stop himself. “I liked him from the first moment we met, but I only just recently found out he felt the same way. That’s why I couldn’t stay.”
“What?” his brother replies. “Why didn’t you stay and try to work something out with him? You’re just running away? That doesn’t solve anything you know.”
But Jongdae isn’t listening. He’s just caught sight of someone standing a few feet away from the bus stop.
“Hyung, I’ll call you back,” he says and hangs up.
He and Jongin don’t do anything but stare at each other. They had both heard what Jongdae had just said. Jongdae’s heartbeat thuds in his ears. Jongin knew now, and he doesn’t say anything. Jongdae can’t think of anything to say either. The rain continues to pour while Jongdae’s thoughts race. Had Jongin known beforehand? What did Jongin think of him leaving now? Would he try to make Jongdae stay? What would Jongdae do if he did?
Without a word, Jongin walks forward and gives his umbrella to Jongdae. Jongdae tries to refuse it, but Jongin leaves it on the ground next to him. After a pause, he takes off his jacket and puts it around Jongdae’s shoulders. Jongdae is too shocked to refuse. He wants to say something to Jongin, to grab onto Jongin and refuse to let him go, but he can’t move. Before he can make himself respond, Jongin runs off towards the apartment building while trying to shield himself from the rain with his arms.
Goodbye, Jongdae thinks as he wraps Jongin’s jacket around him.
Months later, Jongdae has settled back in Beijing. He feels a bit bad for thinking so, but he really prefers Beijing to his home country, or at least Seoul. He doesn’t perfectly fit in in either city, but Beijing is more familiar and there’s a bigger community for the “foreigners.” The people in Beijing are better to him than the people in Seoul were. Apart from one person, that is. But Jongdae tries not to think about him. Jongin makes him waver; when he first moved back to Beijing and missed Jongin so much he dreamed about him, he almost bought plane tickets back to Korea in the middle of the night. He doesn’t think he’ll do that again, but not thinking about Jongin is the best path to take, even if it’s not the easiest to follow.
There’s a knock on the door. Strange; no one told him they were coming. Even if it’s just a salesman trying to sell something, he should answer the door.
“我来了!” (I’m coming!) Jongdae calls out as he shuffles to the door. He opens it without looking through the peephole, and his mouth falls open when he sees who’s standing on the other side.
“你好，我叫鍾仁，” (Hello, my name is Jongin) Jongin says with a slight bow, unable to keep a smile off his face.
Jongdae smiles back.